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all 136 comments

[–]MyWifesBusty 93 points94 points ago

When I was in Sex Ed. class, decades ago, there was a segment in one of the educational videos highlighting how men will frequently behave as if they are owed sex because of something they have done for the woman. This particular segment used a trip to McDonald's to highlight this poor behavior and ended with a very irate young man yelling

"BITCH I BOUGHT YOU A BIG MAC, YOU OWE ME SEX!"

This led to somewhat of a micro-meme within my school where people would adapt the phrase to any barter/monetary exchange.

"BITCH I BOUGHT YOU A 2% CHOCOLATE MILK, YOU OWE ME SEX!"

Good times.

[–]link11020[!] 47 points48 points ago

BITCH I UPVOTED YOU! YOU OWE ME SEX!

... am i doing it right?

[–]MyWifesBusty 26 points27 points ago

Totally. So... you wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon?

[–]nakdamink 9 points10 points ago*

Middle spoon between you and your wife

Edit: After viewing your comments you're an intresting/funny dude. Please don't critique my English.

[–]MyWifesBusty 5 points6 points ago

Despite being in the business of teaching English... I don't do much English critiquing. People that troll the internet making snappy comments about their/there confusion are assholes.

That said... I'm going to leave it to the imagination of our dear readers to decide exactly the spoon configuration we will ultimately end up. Where the husband and wife end up in the spoon stack is of importance.

[–]venefb 0 points1 point ago

His wife's busty, man, wouldn't you rather be on the other side of her?

[–]BlazingFox 0 points1 point ago

1,000 sex partners, then.

[–]Underdogg13 10 points11 points ago

Back when I was in middle school they were called inside jokes! shakes fist

[–]EmperorSofa 1 point2 points ago

They did something similar in my sex ed classes. Thought that was a little offensive. I'm not an animal nor some sort of lower brute. I do not demand sex as a return for a favor.

They pulled the same shit in college, the stupid posters with dudes next to women. "He uses his strength to help me, not hurt me.' And "I bought her dinner, she doesn't owe me anything." posters.

For fucking starters i'm not some kind of beast of burden and second the type of guy that would expect sex as a return for buying dinner is either already in that sort of relationship or fay beyond the help of some insulting posters on a bulletin board.

[–]lentilbelly 1 point2 points ago

i want to see the duck version of this meme

[–]Saiyaman 0 points1 point ago

I'm going to scour the internet until I find that.

[–]ZiggyOnMars 44 points45 points ago

[–]meowbeep 9 points10 points ago

I love a happy ending

[–]Legoandsprit 11 points12 points ago

What happened to the toast?

[–]bernardo_soares 4 points5 points ago

He's the one who posted that picture about being a third wheel.

[–]nickphoto -1 points0 points ago

but seriously what happened to the toast?

[–]nudgeishere 4 points5 points ago

[–]xHaUNTER 1 point2 points ago

Those are huge...

[–]imARidge 1 point2 points ago

This just made me come dangerously close to laughing at an inappropriate volume for the small lecture that I'm in...

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

I laughed the appropriate amount.

[–]wullymammith -1 points0 points ago

I didn't even smile.

[–]meowbeep 5 points6 points ago

Too cold to hold.

[–]Bladelink 74 points75 points ago

I feel bad. I'll bet that toast wasn't easy to come by. That's a big, intact piece, and she's giving him the cold shoulder? Seriously, fuck that bitch.

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points ago

she's cold blooded she's ALWAYS giving him the cold shoulder

[–]auntiecoagulant 16 points17 points ago

What did the cannibal get when he showed up late for lunch? The cold shoulder.

Badump-dump tshh!

[–]Bethurz 1 point2 points ago

[–]auntiecoagulant 1 point2 points ago

I had a double dum sound in my head. My husband says I also make the wrong punching/slapping sound when I pretend punch/slap.

[–]Armadillo19 3 points4 points ago

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does this taste funny to you?"

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

[–]Short_stuff 28 points29 points ago

Yea, no kidding, he's a god damn lizard and he somehow got his claws on some bread that's been toasted? I mean, people don't just toast bread for no reason and throw it out.

[–]ArcticMonkeysFan 4 points5 points ago

I know right? I would fall for anyone who presented me toast as big as me. Stuck up lizards these days.

[–]demented_duck 2 points3 points ago

Think about it. She's still giving him the cold shoulder after finding such a large piece of delicious toast. He must have fucked up big time. No lizard looks away from toast for no reason.

[–]flying_squirrel_cat 93 points94 points ago

he needs french toast. bitches love french toast.

[–]Better_with_salt 47 points48 points ago

He needs to stop calling them bitches. A little respect goes a long way.... -Hugh Hefner

[–]booooooooooooosh 64 points65 points ago

The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love being told they're beautiful.

[–]shanksinatra 15 points16 points ago

We only call them bitches because we don't know their names individually.

[–]SlasherPunk 8 points9 points ago

Bitch please.

[–]pagalguy[!] 0 points1 point ago

Big Boob Bitch please

[–]callmeWia 2 points3 points ago

Busty Booty Big Boob Bitch please

[–]Lluuiiggii 3 points4 points ago

.tumblr.com

[–]Lluuiiggii -3 points-2 points ago

.tumblr.com

[–]mc66a 13 points14 points ago

With maple syrup. Bitches love to be covered in maple syrup.

[–]fancy_toast 5 points6 points ago

that would make it some fancy toast

[–]fancy_sandwich 2 points3 points ago

then all you have to do is put some meat and cheese in the middle...

[–]Herculix 1 point2 points ago

is that what you masturbate to at work?

[–]sani579 0 points1 point ago

so, how's the work going?

[–]Felix_Austria_nube 4 points5 points ago

True that. It's a learning experience.

[–]CannedBeef 3 points4 points ago

Gotta get some of that peanut butter up in this business.

[–]Drawtaru 0 points1 point ago

As a bitch, I can say that I do, in fact, love French toast.

[–]belladonnadiorama 0 points1 point ago

With sirrup.

[–]Jarrost 0 points1 point ago

Do you like french toast?

[–]Zelcron 0 points1 point ago

Bitches love toast.

Source: I've owned female dogs for over 23 years.

[–]Anthropophobiac -1 points0 points ago

Not all women are [bitches]. We're talking' 20...25 percent tops.

[–]Alarconadame -2 points-1 points ago

bitches love french kissing...

[–]ToastSingularity 9 points10 points ago

I'm sure there's a crappy joke with my username here somewhere, but I'm too tired...

[–]r-howtonotgiveafuck 2 points3 points ago

It was your time to shine...

[–]Samiracle 29 points30 points ago

I read this in the strangest accent...

[–]Hector_Kur 7 points8 points ago

It was Cajan for me. Not sure why.

[–]JenaciousT 14 points15 points ago

Mine was Jamaican.

[–]Hector_Kur 6 points7 points ago

Jamaican confirmed for funniest way to read it.

[–]unusedalias 2 points3 points ago

What? Cajan? Did you mean Cajun? I've lived in Louisiana my entire life and never seen it spelled "Cajan".

[–]Hector_Kur 1 point2 points ago

Sorry, spellcheck didn't alert me. I'm most likely wrong and you're right.

[–]Scronad 7 points8 points ago

I love the German word for this phenomenon: Drachenfutter

[–]b1rd 2 points3 points ago

Wow TIL, Ty for sharing.

[–]raging_asshole 1 point2 points ago

Ahh, those Germans. They have the best words and metaphors.

[–]vitaminC-4 6 points7 points ago

I laughed harder than I probably should have.

Is there some kind of cap on laughter?

[–]jamesfordsawyer 8 points9 points ago

Toast is the new mix tape.

[–]NagantTwo 4 points5 points ago

Those are such cute lizards. <3

[–]beccaonice 1 point2 points ago

Iguanas

[–]Butsey1 5 points6 points ago

I pissed myself laughing when I saw this

[–]artacuno53 6 points7 points ago

no, I assure you, you probably didn't, thats hilarious.

[–]Fr4t 3 points4 points ago

Must, use, comma,

[–]artacuno53 3 points4 points ago

si senor

[–]coremech 4 points5 points ago

I got that bitchguana some toast. Bitchguanas love toast.

[–]ironcoffin 2 points3 points ago

That's what happens when you get dating advice from Nacho Libre.

[–]storyofhappytimes 1 point2 points ago

Shit... I'm dying. My sides hurt now.

[–]Beautifuldays 1 point2 points ago

I laughed way too hard too! I had a different one though: http://i.imgur.com/vsORb.jpg

[–]Iamthegoodguy[S] 1 point2 points ago

I feel bad for getting so much karma. My non-redditor friend deserves the credit.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 6 points7 points ago

[–]WhiteZero 0 points1 point ago

Love this machinima version of Yeah Toast. Fantastic stop-motion animation. Must have taken an eternity to animate that.

[–]hueyflyer469 3 points4 points ago

Brought that bitch some toast....turns out lizards bitches don't love toast :(

[–]strocknar 2 points3 points ago

Thanks...now my coworkers are looking at me weird since I laughed out loud...

[–]makingflippyfloppy 1 point2 points ago

why do I love this so much

[–]turtlekitty30 1 point2 points ago

He needs Nutella. Bitches love Nutella.

[–]exquisitefart 1 point2 points ago

Consider me a bitch then.

[–]Dunabu 0 points1 point ago

I started laughing even before I got to the bottom line.

[–]feeblemuffin 0 points1 point ago

(there is no limit to which you should or should not laugh.)

[–]Pandora_Glovebox 0 points1 point ago

that bitch is cold-blooded...

[–]DownvoteAttractor 0 points1 point ago

Obligatory yeah toast post

[–]auntiecoagulant 0 points1 point ago

We don't like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks.

[–]thincolnlincoln 0 points1 point ago

It's not toast. It's Breadfriend

[–]splel_cechk_fwt 0 points1 point ago

When your significant other brings you toast, you gotta marry that motherfucker instantly.

[–]deaf_ears 0 points1 point ago

Wheat, Wheat! Don't Leave me!

[–]DadOfWhiteJesus 0 points1 point ago

so this is a pepe le pew reference right?

[–]yinoryang 0 points1 point ago

I read this in Tom Haverford's voice.

[–]smiling_stranger 0 points1 point ago

Mitch hedberg would approve.

[–]Cban51 0 points1 point ago

I brought breadsticks, Skylar.

[–]vertigo1083 0 points1 point ago

Thats a fucking piece of toast?? I thought it was a cracker. Jesus. I didnt realize these things get that big. I bet a whip from the tail will draw blood.

[–]Eternally_Funny 0 points1 point ago

You gotta butter em up If you know what I mean

I just mean the toast you pervs

[–]hevnztrash 0 points1 point ago

To be fair, that is exactly what is going on in this photo.

[–]dayrobin 0 points1 point ago

A slice of toast doth not a sandwich make. :-(

[–]veryfunnyandhandsome 0 points1 point ago

People will laugh at anything these days.

[–]olijackson64 0 points1 point ago

Is it racist that I read this in a mexican accent?

[–]nealanino 0 points1 point ago

Bitches love toast.

[–]Horatio_CAmpAIgN 0 points1 point ago*

Their relationship is now...

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

toast.

YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[–]Syreno 0 points1 point ago

I read this in Moe from the Simpson's voice.

[–]TheOrangeIguana 0 points1 point ago

Iguanas are the cutest animals ever!

[–]SConnelly53 0 points1 point ago

BITCHES LOVE TOAST.

[–]dingdongy 0 points1 point ago

I just laughed for about 37 minutes

[–]auskr4 0 points1 point ago

potentially the funniest thing ive seen on reddit

[–]ExtraDip 0 points1 point ago

Women.

[–]Crandingo -1 points0 points ago

r-r-r-r-REPOST

[–]itreallyisthateasy 0 points1 point ago

I brought her toast. Lizards love toast.

[–]desertjedi85 0 points1 point ago

Looked like a fig newton. EVERYONE loves fig newtons

[–]bugsy729 0 points1 point ago

with no butter! good for nothing.

[–]slowmotionintro 0 points1 point ago

bitches love toast

[–]irving_zissmann -2 points-1 points ago

Repost from ages ago

[–]Goo_Back -1 points0 points ago

TOASTY!

[–]billylongwang -1 points0 points ago

Alot of guys on Reddit come across as the subs in their relationships. Shame gentlemen, shame.

[–]Aloren 1 point2 points ago

Well I am not an active member of the BDSM community but my primary is... They all seem to think a sub can be a male or female. Why should male subs be shamed?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Because otherwise, what's the point?

[–]Aloren 0 points1 point ago

The point of what? O_o

[–]billylongwang -1 points0 points ago

I don't know, you should ask yourself that question in the mirror sometime.

[–]Aloren 0 points1 point ago

I did but I am biologically female so maybe it did not work? :(

Though I am not a sub either. I am just poly.

[–]kpeddd -5 points-4 points ago

repost

[–]RogerBoris -5 points-4 points ago

Yes, because its not funny.

[–]drfumblesz 0 points1 point ago

Laughing at all would be inappropriate

[–]andrewp123 -1 points0 points ago

how old is this person?

[–]Trap_Door_Spiders -3 points-2 points ago

Getting toast and attempting this.

[–]soyabstemio -3 points-2 points ago

Get a life.

[–]OnlySaysForScience -3 points-2 points ago

For Science?

[–]Lelantos55 -1 points0 points ago

RETOAST.