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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]awesomenesssquared 1267 points1268 points ago

Got to be fake. At least that's what I'll tell myself to get to sleep tonight.

[–]davesfakeaccount 838 points839 points ago

I agree to decide that this is fake.

[–]cold_fire149 575 points576 points ago

Either fake or Australia.

[–]Xuandemackay 372 points373 points ago

Sounds like a new game. Fake or Australia.

[–]cold_fire149 130 points131 points ago

3 foot long blue earthworm that glows in the dark. Fake or Australia?

[–]TaintedTulip 105 points106 points ago

[–]id10t_error34 53 points54 points ago*

brb, nuking Australia.

EDIT: Spelling. Can't hit the wrong guys.

[–]LifeArrow 24 points25 points ago

Fun fact: if the world nukes itself, Australia will remain undamaged.

[–]ArthriticNinja 79 points80 points ago

Kind of reminds me of the game I play when I drive through San Francisco.

"Homeless or Hipster"

[–]laoman91 230 points231 points ago

No one in australia would be such a pussy about it. We dont need a helmet, we just grab them with our bare hands and bite their head off.. Its the only way to kill them

[–]bic_lighter 201 points202 points ago

and obtain their power.

[–]radsome 38 points39 points ago

Their rich, tasty power.

[–]Arosal 17 points18 points ago

Spider soul absorbed! "MARTIN MARTIN MARTIN!" 2x

[–]MidnightDelight 5 points6 points ago

Cell: "thank you for your bio-energy"

[–]abhoopathy 3 points4 points ago

kirby64?

[–]Xanthan81 3 points4 points ago

Isn't that the origin of AusiSpider-man?

[–]Ashtefere 21 points22 points ago

The first time.

[–]smasherella 4 points5 points ago

Australia. Not even once.

[–]Jukkster 75 points76 points ago

God damned Australia.

[–]Sin2K 96 points97 points ago

The animal kingdom's, "Fuck you" to humanity.

[–]chowder138 3 points4 points ago

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[–]Redcard911 28 points29 points ago

Shhh. They are about to get on Reddit. They might hear this.

[–]MissL 8 points9 points ago

You posted this at 2pm on a Monday afternoon. MANY of us have heard

[–]Ponysmasher 45 points46 points ago

I'd say Australia, I had the basement room in the house we rented there while studying abroad. And... lets just say there was a long list of creepy animals that I had to share the room with, spiders being one of those things (although not the worst).

[–]EvilShayton 65 points66 points ago

what was the worst? sharks?

[–]J3ffK 94 points95 points ago

Sharks with laser beams on their heads?

[–]ivanman 44 points45 points ago

(fixed) Sharks with laser beams "attached to their freaking heads" - Dr. Evil

[–]ElementK 32 points33 points ago

(fixed) frickin'

[–]Uniquely_Identical 45 points46 points ago

As an Australian I'm surprised by this, I've never seen any house in Australia with a basement. Where abouts was this?

[–]flume 202 points203 points ago

It's Australia. He was actually referring to the attic.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

Not many people have an Attic either...

[–]infrikinfix 5 points6 points ago

Kansas City, Queensland

[–]Blind_Pilot 469 points470 points ago

Much like your account, Dave.

[–]onanym 416 points417 points ago

..if that is his real fake account.

[–]Blind_Pilot 211 points212 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]christov9 71 points72 points ago

But you're blind..

[–]brachburton 86 points87 points ago

But he makes beautiful music

[–]GoldenFalcon 98 points99 points ago

How did YOU of all people see that?

[–]Blind_Pilot 158 points159 points ago

If I can land a plane, I can spot a good account name. I'm guessing you can only do one of those things...

[–]alive41stime 66 points67 points ago

BURN!!!

[–]OffInBed 34 points35 points ago

Obligatory crowd of people going: "OOOOHHHHHHH"

[–]r00x 149 points150 points ago*

Here's one of similar size. They're not jumpers as far as I'm aware, though.

Her name is Zilla, by the way. She is a Goliath Birdeater, and according to the uploader, she's 11 inches when splayed out.

Edit: More Zilla... climbing on her owner

[–]ferrarisnowday 126 points127 points ago

My god...you can actually hear it crawling. I always thought that was just a sound effect for movies and horror games.

[–]skunkwrxs 67 points68 points ago

Whats that? Oh that's the sound of my skin crawling away from my body and into my puckering asshole.

[–]Joss 4 points5 points ago

What, does your skin think your admittedly very tasty internal organs will be enough to satiate the spider's infinite hunger, or is it just hoping that while the spider is eating your internal ordans it can crawl back out and find somewhere safe to hide?

[–]Bob105 57 points58 points ago

Omg, I know. That was the worse part. Imagine hearing that sound in real life? Not knowing where it's coming from...

[–]EverGreenPLO 129 points130 points ago

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

[–]versikendra 97 points98 points ago*

Zilla has sadly passed away since the recording of that video, but RobC (the uploader) has a new T. blondi named Zillian as a tribute to her. But you're right, T. blondi (Goliath birdeater) is a terrestrial (ground-dwelling) spider and not adept at jumping in the slightest.

I highly doubt the spider in the video is real as no arboreal (tree-dwelling) tarantulas live in the US, UK or even Australia/New Zealand, and if it were a pet tarantula, one would assume the owner would not be brandishing a knife at it. Seems like a gag spider toy that is made to "spring" back from a surface once it starts losing suction.

If it were real (which, again, it certainly is not,) I'd assume it to be a pet of this genus (for the weak of heart, this IS a video of a tarantula, though not acting in a threatening or scary manner). Being arboreal, this species and the genus it belongs to (Poecilotheria) are capable of jumping, but jump as a method of escape and prefer to hide when they can.

[–]LetsGetTea 59 points60 points ago

Unfortunately I'm not upvoting you because I'm sympathetic to your loss. I'm upvoting because I'm happy to hear it's dead.

Sorry.

[–]mybro4sale 14 points15 points ago

I don't like spiders, but the spider in that link is a beautiful creature.

[–]zillah1985 5 points6 points ago

Yeah, that spider looked pretty bad ass. Although, I don't feel as creeped out about these guys as most redditors.

[–]QuiteSirius 87 points88 points ago

Aragog's sister.

[–]TubbyFlounder 275 points276 points ago

[–]Umpire 146 points147 points ago

Hell, something that big would grab a hose and put the fucking fire out!

[–]Diablo_En_Musica 45 points46 points ago

Nah.

It would just wait for us to begin breathing a sigh of relief before walking out from the flames like a fucking terminator.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

Misunderstood house spider:

I just saved your house from the fire!

WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING THAT BLOWTORCH?

[–]TubbyFlounder 14 points15 points ago

I have a spider security system that shuts off the hose if a spider is detected.

[–]yellowpride 12 points13 points ago

Fear Factor called and asked you if you want to eat 1 of these spiders alive, sit in an acrylic box full of them, or forfeit your chance to win 50k, which do you choose?

[–]Zeroman64 44 points45 points ago

Tough question.

Is it possible to send fire through a phone to burn down the studio they are in?

Yes, there would be some collateral damage, but I think it's worth it to purge that area.

[–]Radank 13 points14 points ago

50k? Fuck that.

[–]Nyx_The_Night 245 points246 points ago

[–]Z3wpk 160 points161 points ago

That's one high quality gif.

[–]PoorlyTimedPhraseGuy 100 points101 points ago

It also loaded really fast. What are these other .gif posters doing wrong?

[–]joshrulzz 114 points115 points ago

The host ends in -cdn, so it's a content delivery network - they're designed to serve files up fast. The gif itself is mostly whitespace, so it can compress easily: with its high framerate, it only ends up being 1.3mb. Further, the use of only 4 colors means it doesn't have to dither.

[–]TheOneUpper 62 points63 points ago

... so it's black magic?

[–]leachyboy2001 29 points30 points ago

i fucking hate dithering.

[–]Drunken_Economist 14 points15 points ago

I'm dithering right now, and loving it!

[–]Archer007 6 points7 points ago

I know, it's impossible to get the stains out afterward.

[–]bobzwik 18 points19 points ago

OH MY GOD! It makes noise!!!!!

[–]France_is_bakin 103 points104 points ago

[–]ctlitchfield 14 points15 points ago

That is amazing...

[–]Espulu 14 points15 points ago

It.. It makes a sound when it walks?

Oh dear god.

[–]Nocakeforme 106 points107 points ago

Please for the love of god and or science please let this be fake. Please oh please do not let creatures like this exist in houses.

[–]greentrombone 137 points138 points ago

Luckily, this spider is usually burrowing underground...

Underneath your feet...

[–]snorgsniffer 102 points103 points ago*

...waiting, patiently, for you to go to bed...

...and gently fall asleep.

[–]alive41stime 81 points82 points ago

And as you slowly close your eyes to take your nightly rest.

The spider slowly lowers down and shits acid on your chest.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

And when you wake from this bad dream She's on your mouth so you can't scream

[–]Rhycar 120 points121 points ago

Fuck all you guys.

[–]triscuit540 10 points11 points ago

And there goes the sleep I was planning on getting tonight

[–]wildfire04605 17 points18 points ago

Jaws music

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points ago

So it can climb onto your face, its leg would probably be in your mouth and itll b..

fuckfuckfuck im sorry. I cant even type any more :(

[–]blackkevinDUNK 13 points14 points ago

i fucking despise you

your apology is NOT accepted

(ok maybe a little)

[–]Juus 617 points618 points ago

Why would you put on a helmet, but still do it in just a t-shirt?

[–]brettaburger 425 points426 points ago

Full suit of plate armour is the only way I would go near that thing.

[–]crimsonninja 698 points699 points ago

What if it gets in the armor ಠ_ಠ

[–]alcakd 357 points358 points ago

...

...

Self immolation. That way you can't feel the spider on you.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Dbjs100 88 points89 points ago

This is what the second amendment is for.

[–]poorsoi 134 points135 points ago

I don't see how having bear arms is going to help.

[–]MomentOfXen 54 points55 points ago

No, no, you're misinterpreting it. The second amendment clearly allows for the arming of bears, something that would be very useful in this situation.

[–]rILEYcAPSlOCK 16 points17 points ago

A bear with more arms??

spider bears

[–]SimulatedSun 13 points14 points ago

Bludgeon yourself with powerful paws.

[–]nachoman456 120 points121 points ago

EVERYONE TAKE YOUR FEET OUT FROM UNDER YOUR DESKS. THERE ARE SPIDERS THERE RIGHT. NOW. ITS ABOUT TO BITE YOU.

[–]zcold 63 points64 points ago

Ok everybody tuck your pants into your socks.

[–]purenitrogen 40 points41 points ago

God damnit man I'm not wearing socks!

[–]LadyLoveBucket 57 points58 points ago

MY SOCKS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.

[–]720Z 19 points20 points ago

You are not wearing socks?! I'm not wearing pants!

[–]IWearOddSocks 33 points34 points ago

You may take mine good sir.

[–]3rd_degree_burn 16 points17 points ago

PANTS INSIDE SOCKS INSIDE PANTS

[–]ChellaBella 33 points34 points ago

During the summer in college I had a job filing paperwork at the school. A spider with a body the size of a golf ball crawled over my toes underneath the desk. Thank you for reminding me that, to this day, I can still remember the horror and exactly what it felt like.

[–]Cadvin 22 points23 points ago

Euuahheeeeh

There's not much more to say.

[–]nachoman456 17 points18 points ago

I'd like to add greuuhhflld

[–]NovaMouser 11 points12 points ago

Taking off the helmet and dying in the freezing vacuum of space is preferable to that.

[–]Tnuff 13 points14 points ago

please no ಠ_ಠ

[–]TexasWithADollarsign 55 points56 points ago

WRONG. You burn the place down from a safe distance. Killing it with fire is the only way.

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points ago

Nuke it from orbit...only way to be sure.

[–]decompyler 35 points36 points ago

mostly.

[–]nachoman456 11 points12 points ago

use a MAC blast from halo wars.

[–]rbwildcard 10 points11 points ago

Hammer of Dawn!

[–]TubbyFlounder 8 points9 points ago

Only if you have already upgraded to super mac.

[–]M002 7 points8 points ago

Need all 4 shots to kill that thing.

[–]frau_chang 23 points24 points ago

i know that we like to kill it with fire. but what if the spider leaves the building before the fire get's to it. and then you're totally on the spider shit list.

[–]TexasWithADollarsign 18 points19 points ago

...Fuck.

[–]tokeyoh 14 points15 points ago

fuck that id soak it in raid wasp/hornet edition at a safe distance of 20 feet away. fuck the walls.

[–]BulgingDisk 16 points17 points ago

Full suit of nokia phones should do the trick.

[–]TomTomR 4 points5 points ago

Its harder to change out of armour after thoroughly soiling yourself

[–]skintigh 28 points29 points ago

Because they always go for the eyes

[–]rbwildcard 15 points16 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Marshfellow 3 points4 points ago

More like _ after the spider gets to you.

[–]orbitur 6 points7 points ago

*o*

[–]Shniggles 172 points173 points ago

Modern knight fighting a modern dragon.

[–]Sarcastic_Samurai 99 points100 points ago

That's no spider. That's a wall octopus.

[–]sneg 233 points234 points ago

[–]Thotaz 222 points223 points ago

I just want to tell you that your link made me click through some other links and I ended up seeing an epic battle between a wasp and a spider, so thank you now I'm afraid of wasps and spiders. link for people that want to watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi56-pZSrWo&feature=related

[–]Manospoon 121 points122 points ago

I was rooting for the spider. Damn wasp busts into it's home and attacks? Not cool wasp...

[–]bluemeep 170 points171 points ago

Wasps: Nature's Cunts

[–]bigroblee 169 points170 points ago

[–]Chrasness 16 points17 points ago

[–]bigroblee 25 points26 points ago

Those aren't regular hornets. Oh, no no no. Those are Japanese Giant Hornets. Their stingers are a quarter of an inch. They are predators to honeybees. The honeybees will combat the hornets by enveloping them in a ball of bees and thus "cooking" the hornet from the combined heat of the bees.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

Only Japanese honey bees have this defense mechanism.

[–]Anodesu 25 points26 points ago

if I'm right, it's a type of wasp that lays its eggs in the still alive but paralyzed bug (in this case the tarantula) and lets the larvae devour it from the inside out. I may be wrong, but it reminded me of this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN2XMyxAs5o

[–]Fishtacoburrito 4 points5 points ago

Tarantula Hawks, the sting is a real bitch too.

"…immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except, perhaps, scream. Mental discipline simply does not work in these situations."

[–]Msjuneday 30 points31 points ago

The spider being a bro about it. One bite and he backed down "it's cool lady, just fuck off now". Wasp "STING STING STING ANNNNND STING!!!"

[–]Rothaga 8 points9 points ago

Yeah, wtf wasp?

[–]hardcore_softie 57 points58 points ago

check out /r/bugwars

[–]PhysicsIsMyMistress 50 points51 points ago

Well there goes the rest of the day.

[–]KamikazeSexPilot 21 points22 points ago

[–]FinnMacCuhl 20 points21 points ago

Wtf is it with dramatic music. Think Benny Hill and it takes the edge off

[–]patmcdoughnut 7 points8 points ago

That's about how long it took me to kill a Skulltula in Skyward Sword. That shit was hard.

[–]Juicy_Fart 3 points4 points ago*

I think that wasp is a tarantula hawk. Known for kicking the shit out of spiders. One of the most painful stings in the insect kingdom and they;'re pretty. They also rarely sting humans.

for the lazy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula_hawk

[–]Lies_About_Upvote 4 points5 points ago

Shit, my leg hair was going insane during that video...

Also, douchebag wasp. Not cool at all.

[–]bigroblee 23 points24 points ago

I think this one is fake, but I believe this one to be real.

[–]red1392 9 points10 points ago

Of course this one is real... Huntsmen that size are actually pretty common in Australia. And they are fast fuckers. Completely harmless though.

[–]aMissingGlassEye 9 points10 points ago

My understanding is that Huntsmen are actually among the deadliest spiders in Australia. Not because of their sting, but because they hide out in cars and drop into the drivers lap at inopportune moments, causing accidents.

[–]Uniquely_Identical 3 points4 points ago

I can absolutely attest to this! Me and many of my friends have had a huntsman creeping through the car (mine on my visor as i merged onto the freeway) and its a surprise regardless of your relative fear of spiders

[–]Charles_K 3 points4 points ago

The creator admitted to it being fake (too lazy to link source). However, he did take a picture of an actual spider to replicate it onto that video. Or something like that.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points ago

It's completely fake, there is no such spider that grows to this size, nor is there any tarantula that grows to this size. On top of that, the largest spider in the world would never enter a house...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goliath_birdeater

Not to mention there are issues with the shadow as it passes over the spider and the area surrounding the spider. Good try tho

[–]Imatworkmaybe 68 points69 points ago

Your logic pleases me. Now I sleep.

[–]cuppincayk 3 points4 points ago

Clearly, you've never been to Australia.

[–]machine667 89 points90 points ago

The Stig's better at driving than at arachnid catching evidently.

[–]mang87 131 points132 points ago

That can't be real. Can it? No fucking spider is that big... right guys? RIGHT??

[–]zc0r 212 points213 points ago

The silence is deafening.

[–]hemsley 42 points43 points ago

[–]mtaggs 71 points72 points ago

That's a golden orb weaver, Australian spider. Actually one of the least scary ones we have, despite its size they kinda just chill in their webs and they aren't really venomous.

[–]CptBlu 22 points23 points ago

Haha I love that your least scary spiders are the ones that aren't really venomous.

I guess Australians must maintain a level of compromise, knowing that everything there has a high base level of scariness.

[–]OliveTheory 50 points51 points ago

Actually one of the least scary ones we have...

Fuck that, Australia! I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[–]RichieHawtin 69 points70 points ago

I don't know if it's worth the risk. If only one spider survives it will be around so much radiation that I fear it will become something unspeakable.

[–]OliveTheory 17 points18 points ago

I have no defense against this. I've seen Aliens, and flamethowers were drastically ineffective against xenomorphs.

[–]sekhmetx 23 points24 points ago

Well, the Goliath Birdeater Spider can grow to the size of a dinner plate.

[–]BreakfastBurrito 25 points26 points ago

That's still smaller than the fire I just lit to burn my house down.

[–]DragonWave 21 points22 points ago

Dude what they hell did that guy stall for so long for. Fucking jump at that shit!

[–]Moffee 23 points24 points ago

and then what do you do when you have it trapped against the wall with a bucket, and the only thing keeping it there is your arm. you are stuck as close to it as possible without it getting away!!

[–]someguy945 14 points15 points ago

In the youtube video it is clear that there was someone else watching. They could help slide something (maybe a cheap plastic cutting board) over the bowl without letting the spider out.

Personally though, I might have just taken that knife he's holding and thrown it at the spider.

[–]WildNothing 34 points35 points ago

Oh yeah, so you can just barely miss and have it fall on the floor? Nope.

[–]someguy945 3 points4 points ago

I own at least 6 steak knives.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

Do you really think you could hit it by the time it's at your feet?

[–]Sunlis 4 points5 points ago

You have to one-hit kill that bitch or it will one-hit kill your entire family.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

Haha Oh I can still hear them shuffling...

Sruch-Sruch-Sruch...Sruch-Sruch-Sruch...

[–]photonboy 19 points20 points ago

why is he using a knife and a collander? this is clearly a job for fire. just calmly walk outside, close and lock the door and burn house down.

[–]Coigleach 15 points16 points ago

When I was vacationing in Belize, my family and I stayed at this great little resort out in the jungle (kinda). When I was showering one day, I looked up to see this huge spider just sitting on the wall above me. Needless to say, I got right out. We asked for the management to come take care of it, and they sent a guy over with a machete to kill it. I told that man he was my hero.

[–]OverfedBird 17 points18 points ago

It's a golden skullta!

[–]thunnus 15 points16 points ago

I'd shit your pants, too.

[–]TheVastEarwig 292 points293 points ago

Did he died?

[–]elegylegacy 197 points198 points ago

He had a dead.

[–]Thick-McRunFast 24 points25 points ago

Oh shit, the YouTube comment section is leaking.

[–]agent_purrito 12 points13 points ago

those are pretty much the precautions I take every time I go into spider battle...no matter the size.

[–]Ldawgity 64 points65 points ago

Fake, It would need to be an arboreal MALE tarantula, even then highly unlikely that it would find itself inside a house seeing as the only theraphisdae that remotely resembles that is members of the genus Poecilotheria which are found only in India. Not to mention that the proportions on that are impossible for any arachnid ESPECIALLY one capable of jumping. Case closed. Arachnid expert here.

[–]Xtremepado1234 11 points12 points ago

sir, you just made my day so much better by telling me that was fake. Phew, thank you.

[–]Remnance627 8 points9 points ago

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

Nail gun. It's the only way.

[–]Madduxedison 28 points29 points ago

I was sitting on the toilet post wipe and thanks to you I had to re-wipe.

[–]iamagrub 7 points8 points ago

[–]SimilarImage 26 points27 points ago

Age User Title Reddit Cmnt Points
3 months theyellowpuppet Nooooooooooooope nope nope nope /r/gifs 364 903
3 months occupyfacebook Nope. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. /r/pics 214 233
3 months sardonically NOPE...nope nope nope...frost spider /r/gif 37 179

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[–]CyricTheMad 5 points6 points ago

That thing reminds me of the facehugger aliens in the aliens movies.

[–]Tfeth282 10 points11 points ago

I sat here for ten minutes trying to figure out why he had an octopus stuck to the wall.

[–]FlockFlow 24 points25 points ago

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

moves away from desk for fear of what is above my legs

[–]I_DRINK_PERIOD_BLOOD 15 points16 points ago

Thank God he had the helmet!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

DID YOU SEE THAT??? IT TRIED TO RAPE HIS FACE!! Thank GOD for that helmet and face shield.

[–]scarr3g 7 points8 points ago*

it isn't a spider, people....

it is a tree-octopus.

[–]Smetsnaz 8 points9 points ago

I literally think I'd take my hunting bow and end that nasty motherfuck's life - I'd rather spend a few hours repairing drywall.

[–]Petyo39 2 points3 points ago*

It is fake. The camera is on a tripod (edit: the camera is not moving one bit, so it's not possible that it is being held by a person) and then, when the spider jumps, the camera falls as if someone was holding the camera. If the camera was on a tripod then why would it be shaken at the last second like it was being held by someone?

[–]oMickyz 2 points3 points ago

Thanks, Arachnophobia.

[–]musicfreak03 5 points6 points ago

Oh god...Kill it with fire.

[–]EarthKiba 3 points4 points ago

That, kids, is why you avoid Australia at all costs. There's a reason it was started as a prison camp...