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all 146 comments

[–]bananaseepeep 626 points627 points ago

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He shouldn't be handling that toddler. The mother will smell his scent on the baby and will reject it.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 118 points119 points ago

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I knew there must have been a reason why my mom hates me.

[–][deleted] 91 points92 points ago

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Nope, you were just an awful child.

[–]Metamorphism 56 points57 points ago

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says the BASTARD..

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]ahtr 1 point2 points ago

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lol but its not even relevant to the current discussion. and the key is the backspace it goes back if you press it when the focus is in the page and not the text box

[–]toyg 1 point2 points ago

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Copypasta ain't that delicious.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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where am i why are my pants down

[–]elcollin 1 point2 points ago

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That key is "Backspace."

[–]sarmatron 1 point2 points ago

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We should have cottoned on.

[–]chucknorrisismyson 5 points6 points ago*

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You were handled by a man when you were a child?

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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I think the term is manhandled.

[–]terranq 2 points3 points ago

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Joel McHale handled you as a small child?

[–]Nightmare_42 1 point2 points ago

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I don't want to talk about it...

[–]mojorisin2592 2 points3 points ago

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According to RES, I think you are my most hated redditor, and I don't know why. Just putting that out there.

[–]Skylarity -2 points-1 points ago

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That's weird, I have a [+5] for him.

[–]theVice 2 points3 points ago

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[+8] here. Funny, I have [-1] for myself and I can't figure out how to find that downvote. Real annoying

[–]stringdom 0 points1 point ago

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I'm curious. How come you downvoted yourself? I know it's possible but, why?

[–]theVice 2 points3 points ago

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I'm pretty sure I said something obviously stupid or something and was proven wrong..If I knew that [-1] was gonna be there, I wouldn't have cared so much about integrity haha

[–][deleted] 42 points43 points ago

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When I was a young lad of about 10, a bird decided to make nest in our garage (god knows there were enough holes for her to get inside). After a while we noticed that she had small eggs in the nest, and being the curious little dude that I was I climbed a ladder and sort of played with the eggs for a few minutes when she wasn't there; no damage to the eggs occurred. Next day we noticed that the eggs were on the ground, all of them destroyed. The mother bird was never seen again. That was a sad day for me. Ever since then I've been afraid of ladders.

[–]Timthos 42 points43 points ago

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Don't worry. It's a myth.

[–]dwreckm 21 points22 points ago

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Thank you so much. When I was small, I was hanging out with my cousin, and my aunt and uncle brought us to some people's house that my uncle worked with for some kind of barbecue. Well these folks had about 20 acres of old farmland, and on the acreage was an old barn, kind of in sad shape and starting to fall apart, and of course we were told to stay away from it. Being little boys, we of course headed straight there at our first opportunity.

Anyways, inside looked like this gigantic housing project for birds, because there were birds nest all over the place in the rafters. Luckily for us curious kids, there were several places in the barn where we could climb up and peek inside of the nests. Most of the nests were empty, some had an egg or two in them, but one... One I could hear small cheeps coming from, and I had to see inside it.

As luck would have it, I couldn't get high enough to just look in the nest, so I had to blindly put my hand in there, and I felt about three different little baby birds, so I took one out, watched it attempt waddling on my hand, attempted to talk to it, and finally, my curiosity sated, I put it back in the nest, and we headed out of the barn to go find something else to do, like eat or break something.

Anyways, I told this story to my mom, and she told me the tale about mommy birds kicking out the baby bird for smelling like a bad guy, and I felt terrible, just sick to my stomach. Off and on, I thought about this, and still felt a little guilty. I mean, if memory servers, they were crows, so not exactly beautiful birds in short supply, but they were living things, so I still felt bad.

Finally, after reading this, I feel vindicated. I thank you so much.

TL;DR: Years of repressed guilt are washed away.

[–]Timthos 7 points8 points ago

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It's amazing myths like this are still so prevalent and widely accepted as truth.

Here, have a read of this.

[–]Tha5thelement -1 points0 points ago

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Wow... That's actually pretty fuckin deep. Gotta love reddit

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Well this actually happened... well, not the part about me being afraid of ladders. It's the gypsies I'm deathly afraid of. The egg Armageddon did occur while I was growing up in Poland. I'm not saying the mama bird pushed them over the edge or what not, but they were destroyed. We had a lot of stray cats around so who knows what happened. One of the cats might've even jacked the mama bird in its sleep and tried to learn to juggle the eggs, only to fail miserably. Who knows, it happened decades ago.

[–]Timthos 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah, I'm just saying it was likely not your fault, so you can put those dark memories to rest now.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Oh I know that. At the time I might've felt guilty because to a child's mind it does sort of makes sense.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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So tempted to start quoting Silence of the Lambs, but I don't want to come off looking like an asshole...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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What's the quote? I'm curious.

[–]borkborkbork99 1 point2 points ago

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CSI: Garage

[–]aaronisreal 2 points3 points ago

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I'm more afraid of bird mites.

[–]Vandey 0 points1 point ago

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That was so daunting :(

[–]aaronisreal 0 points1 point ago

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yeah, I mean, I CAN imagine it, because I read that...but damn. I'm not sure I'd wish it on my worst enemy.

[–]Khalexus 0 points1 point ago*

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Fuck, now I have a new thing to be afraid of. I never want to be near a bird again.

Time to post this on Facebook and spread the fear to all my friends, I'm sure they'll thank me!

EDIT: After some vague Googling, seems that this sort of thing is probably just Creepypasta.

http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/content/cda-pubs-cdi-2003-cdi2702-htm-cdi2702k.htm

http://medent.usyd.edu.au/fact/birdmite.html

Of course, bird mites are very real, can cause horrible irritations and can number in the tens of thousands even after losing the bird host (NOPE NOPE NOPE) - but seems they can't survive on humans and will die after about 3 weeks.

Still. Nightmares. I'm itchy now and it sucks.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Read below, true story.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Numb nuts, I'm not saying the bird did this. What I'm saying the eggs were destroyed somehow.

[–]Nostalgia37 5 points6 points ago

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Don't worry, you won. He deleted his comments in shame.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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That's the problem with winning arguments with retards, even though you win, you still lose.

Now I'll just brace my self for the PC Police to down vote the shit out of me for using the word retard.

[–]longknives 4 points5 points ago

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I downvoted for the comment about the PC police. You retard.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Fair enough.

[–]Tha5thelement -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm a spokesman for the Politically Correct Party and I'm here to inform you that although normally this would have been a red flag in our system, I have to say, great use of a delicate term. We give you a pass on this one.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Be honest, your agency has a secret file on my right?

[–]Stig_intro -2 points-1 points ago

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Some say that he shouldn't be handling that toddler, and that the mother will smell his scent and reject it. All we know is, he's Joel Mchale.

[–]flavoredlemons 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Stig_intro 3 points4 points ago

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well shit

[–]crobey01 -2 points-1 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Darktemplar5782 9 points10 points ago

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Fuck you and fuck toddlers

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Hahaha there is no harm. Its just a strange way of transport.

[–]Baylle 39 points40 points ago

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What's this from?

[–]technoskittles[S] 26 points27 points ago

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this was posted a couple days ago, and there I saw the 4 month old gif comment.

[–]K16 40 points41 points ago

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[–]NickyWillz 17 points18 points ago

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Oh how I wish I'd seen this comment before I clicked the link above it.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]HoradricNoob 67 points68 points ago

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Oh, that was fairly gentle. As a father, I can tell you that those little shits are pretty durable.

[–]MaeBeWeird 12 points13 points ago

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Indeed. I saw my youngest brother take a whole lot of tumbles that make me cringe even now. Yet now, as a 21 year old, he's actually a pretty decent member of society.

[–]GoodGriefBrown 5 points6 points ago

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Isn't it surreal when they (youngest brothers) become pretty decent members of society?

[–]skarface6 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, I've seen an older brother manhandle his younger brother far worse than that, and the younger brother thought it hilarious every time.

[–]alettuce 6 points7 points ago

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I posted it a while back; I thought it was super fun. I learned later that he's kind of a big Christian-evangelist-type, which struck me as odd.

[–]JonDore 2 points3 points ago

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Is he really? I wouldn't have guessed that after watching the Community bloopers.

[–]skarface6 1 point2 points ago

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I think he goes to church and has spoken at a 'christians in hollywood' thing, but AFAIK he's not a holy roller. He curses in the interview this is from, so I'm guessing he's not a super uptight evangelical.

[–]alettuce 0 points1 point ago

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It's also a little incongruous with growing up in the Seattle area & working amongst actors and comedians there (& including Bill Nye, at least briefly), and even more incongruous I'd think with his schtick on The Soup.

[–]CastleAargh 4 points5 points ago

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Diablo Cody's Red Band Trailer. Pretty fun stuff.

[–]uranus86 156 points157 points ago

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I'm done with this child, take it now.

[–]TheAdAgency 5 points6 points ago

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...and toss it in the trash compactor with the others.

[–]Chair001 0 points1 point ago

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You sure? I might eat it, you know because I'm an atheist an all.

[–]TakingKarmaFromABaby 106 points107 points ago

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Haha, another classic Winger.

[–]maplesyrupismajestic 61 points62 points ago

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[–]DMYTRIW 62 points63 points ago

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[–]XplicitFalcon 98 points99 points ago

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This child bores me

[–]bill_nydus 17 points18 points ago

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I've never met a kid that age that doesn't think that's fun as hell.

My little brother and sister always run back to me with their arms up saying "DO IT AGAIN DO IT AGAIN"

[–]silent_p 3 points4 points ago

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My cousins do that too. Honestly, if there was some giant hanging around who could throw me around like that, I'd probably think it was pretty fun, too.

[–]bill_nydus 2 points3 points ago

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There's a reason Skyrim sold so well.

[–]skarface6 0 points1 point ago

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It really is that fun. I'm 6' and I know a guy who did about this exact same thing to me. Man that was awesome.

[–]corbrizzle 30 points31 points ago

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Joel "Underrated Guns" McHale

[–]Busy_Dolphin 5 points6 points ago

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He played football in college!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I loved him in Spiderman 2.

[–]wizrad 63 points64 points ago

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You're... you're not supposed to hand kids to people like that? Because I swear once they become toddlers, that's the only way I hold them.

[–]arcturussage 38 points39 points ago

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that's the only way I can hold them.

FTFY. Those fuckers squirm a lot once they start moving.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points ago

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As a former toddler, I can confirm this.

[–]ump721 16 points17 points ago*

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I call bullshit. When were you ever a toddler?

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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'Bout ten years ago, I held a job as toddler. It was actually called "Executive Mess Manager" though. It was a shitty paying job, all I got was room and board, but man, was the work atmosphere great. You got two supervisors who actually cared for you and would let you get away with a load of bullshit. Oh, and if you ever wanted anything all you had to do was shout and they would get it for you. And it was great life experience, really shines on my resume. If you ever get a chance to work as a toddler I would definitely reccomend it.

tl;dr Working as a toddler is the shit

[–]terranq 7 points8 points ago

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Best job ever! Name me one other job where you get praised for not shitting your pants

[–]zanycaswell 14 points15 points ago

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Congressman.

[–]terranq 1 point2 points ago

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touche

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Competitive diarrhea holding in.

[–]Bodilis 2 points3 points ago

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You were a toddler ten years ago?

...get off my lawn..

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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It was only temporary job I held for just a few years as I got back on my feet.

[–]vgunmanga 9 points10 points ago

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I'm not going to lie, I did this ALL the time with my two boys starting around six months. They really liked it. If you think this is bad, my baby flipping acrobatics would scare the shit out of you. Again, they really like it.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago*

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i dropped my nephew once, at about 7 moths* old, and he landed on his face pretty hard. he's retarded now, but still relatively attractive, so no one notices.

edit: it appears i was dropped at some point too...months*.

[–]vgunmanga 2 points3 points ago

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Uh...yeah, never dropped them. Not once.

[–]Ghidoran 9 points10 points ago

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In keeping with with Community character...

[–]excessum 7 points8 points ago

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I don't really watch Community, but I remember watching Almost Live! (local sketch comedy show in Seattle) and Joel was part of the cast. Classic Joel McHale here.

[–]WouldYouTurnMeOn 15 points16 points ago

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You liked Joel Mchale before he was cool?

[–]SvenHudson 7 points8 points ago

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Joel McHale was always cool.

[–]excessum 0 points1 point ago

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^

[–]krinkov 1 point2 points ago

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upvote for Almost Live!

[–]secretvictory 2 points3 points ago

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I thought I was going to hate diablo cody. I was pleasantly surprised that o did't want to punch her.

[–]monkeys1124 1 point2 points ago

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where is this from!?

[–]songkran 2 points3 points ago

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Diablo Cody (screenwriter of Juno/ Young Adult) has an internet interview show called "Red Band Trailer".

[–]czgheib 1 point2 points ago

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He actually made sure the head was supported. kudos

[–]danatronic 1 point2 points ago

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I freaking can't wait until the "I was that baby in this gif with Joel McHale" IAMA thread comes out in ~15 or so years!!!

[–]lsuchillin 2 points3 points ago

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I am totally that guy. My son giggles like mad when I hold him upside down

[–]awesome_mccoolname 1 point2 points ago

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Can somebody please get this man a drink? Cause that's what's supposed to be in that hand.

[–]talizorahNR 1 point2 points ago

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"Don't you have teeth? What's wrong with you?", as the kid gnaws through the peel of a banana.

[–]AllLinkedOut 1 point2 points ago

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That's how my grandpa handled me and my brothers as children.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I too love the 80's, Mr McHale.

[–]iBugs 0 points1 point ago

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That awkward moment when your watchng Community in one tab and then discover this gif

[–]twanathon500 0 points1 point ago

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Heres your baby thing.

[–]vheissu417 -1 points0 points ago

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oh my god

[–]f3ldman2 -1 points0 points ago

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Nice watch.

[–]MonsterIt -1 points0 points ago

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tiki bar is still around?

[–]hsara -1 points0 points ago

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nuts in my moufe!

[–]hoju37 -4 points-3 points ago

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Rated as 'meh' as I do similar with my son all the time.

Guess he's just brave for doing it on camera where people will instantly judge him, or something?

[–]jjrs -5 points-4 points ago

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Can't tell if dickish...

...or just really, really good at staying in character.

[–]DonTocino -2 points-1 points ago

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