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all 59 comments

[–]savageboredom 15 points16 points ago

Reminds me of an old joke...

A man walks into a bar. He sits down, orders a drinks, and starts up a conversation with the old man next to him.

"Aye," the old man says, gesturing out the window. "You see that bridge out there? Built it meself with my bare hands. But do they call me 'Patrick the Bridgebuilder?' Nay. And do you see that boat? Best boat ever built, she is. Made her myself. But do they call me 'Patrick the Boatbuilder?' Nay. How about that dock she's tied to? Built that too. But they don't call me 'Patrick the Dockbuilder' do they?"

The old man looks forlorn and takes a drink. "But you fuck just one sheep..."

[–]feorag 6 points7 points ago

Telling jokes reminds me of another old joke...

There are two men, Mike and Ike. Mike looks to Ike and says "Ike, when I die, I'd like fer ya ta do me uh favor." "Why, most certainly Mike, what'll it be?" Ike replies. "When I die, I'd like fer ya ta take uh bottle of tha finest whiskey from me cabinet, and per it on me grave." Mike says. "Aye Mike, I'll do it fer ya, I have but one stipulation. D'ya mind if I filter it through me kidneys first?"

This joke doesn't relate, but since we're throwing jokes out there.

[–]tllnbks 0 points1 point ago

So what did they call him?

[–]Drawtaru 3 points4 points ago

Patrick the Automobile Refabricator.

[–]carrotpowah 44 points45 points ago

Someone saw your fart? Must've been a dense one.

[–]Streakiest 5 points6 points ago

Maybe they live around a lot of fires and when they fart it is a flamethrower so people in the vicinity are alerted of the fart.

[–]carrotpowah 7 points8 points ago

Maybe he was in a pool... bubble bubble bubble

[–]Streakiest 2 points3 points ago

Well that's much less complicated than mine!

[–]kobebeef24 1 point2 points ago

Could've sharted straight down through his boxers, shorts, and onto the floor/legs/shoes.

[–]Dont_deport_me_bro 2 points3 points ago

Thy brief hath been blessed with a shart

[–]Consequentialist63 2 points3 points ago

I always called it a Foop. For the sole reason that it sounded ridiculous to say.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 4 points5 points ago

Whenever it's really cold outside and I fart - I imagine people can see it lol.

[–]tomjenks1 8 points9 points ago

The elipses... there are too many... of them.

[–]Streakiest 4 points5 points ago

He must be a Final Fantasy protagonist!

[–]CatMinion 0 points1 point ago

;But, punctuation, ... – is, hard ¿

[–]imightbebaked 0 points1 point ago

butusingthespacebarishard

[–]big_bad_mojo 0 points1 point ago

He must be Swamp Thing.

[–]sneeze_and_fart 12 points13 points ago

I know exactly how you feel.

[–]AAAAAWWW_YYYEEEEAAAA 8 points9 points ago

redditor for 2 days. Guys, he's clean but stinky.

[–]fecalmatter 4 points5 points ago

I'm stinky but not clean.

[–]jim_bred 8 points9 points ago

A man could build 1000 bridges in his life, but suck one cock and he'll forever be a cock sucker and not a bridge builder.

[–]PencilDrawn -1 points0 points ago

Why? because he gets a taste for it!?

[–]Fart_Sniffer 2 points3 points ago

I will always be there.

[–]tobyfunt 2 points3 points ago*

Wow! I was just reading about the use of Fourier transformations in creating digital watermarks when I needed a break and read this post. The paper was on this page when I stopped reading. I took this as a sign to go back and finish the paper.

[–]mikefromchicago 10 points11 points ago

dwight would say

"wrong. you fart hundreds of times a day and rarely does anyone hear it"

[–]Hoffman5982 16 points17 points ago

The real Dwight would say

"False. I say false, not wrong.

[–]redworm 1 point2 points ago

If you fart hundreds of times a day you need to see a doctor. Now.

[–]alcoholic_crow 2 points3 points ago

And here I thought you were just going to toot your own horn.

[–]sirin3 1 point2 points ago

You should have turned the lights on

[–]lost_trilogy 1 point2 points ago

I kind of mistook his arm for an Elvis hairdo for a moment there.

[–]NoojNoj 1 point2 points ago

This is hanging on the wall at the shitty convenience store at which i work. Another thing on the wall says "working hard here is like peeing yourself in dark pants. You get a warm feeling, but no one notices."

[–]TheDude- 0 points1 point ago

Greatest cry ever! Edit: no, my mistake it's actually called Best cry ever!

[–]beedle3 1 point2 points ago

r/funny now looks like every email I've ever received from my Oma.

[–]MonotonousMan 1 point2 points ago

I'm pretty sure my boss has a "Ohhp - Mike's trying to have a private moment, let me sprint around the corner and make him feel awkward as fuck." detector.

[–]IAmAtomato 1 point2 points ago

"But fuck it, I'm a monkey. I don't give a shit."

[–]Asdayasman 4 points5 points ago

Wow, I saw this card, like, 13 years ago.

[–]myinnervoice 8 points9 points ago

And it was even a repost then.

[–]Asdayasman 0 points1 point ago

I was pretty young back then, it's very possible it was around before that, and I was too busy shitting myself, and learning to read, to notice.

[–]jakemcd184 4 points5 points ago

monkey picture >> cat picture

[–]soylent_absinthe 0 points1 point ago

FWD: FW: FW: FWD: RE: FWD: FWD: RE: FW: SO TRUE!!!

[–]a_redditor 1 point2 points ago

Re: FWD: FW: FW: FWD: RE: FWD: FWD: RE: FW: SO TRUE!!!

Grandma, please stop sending me this dumb shit. I'm blocking your e-mail address.

[–]soylent_absinthe 0 points1 point ago

Dearie, the nice boy who rakes my leaves said that I should Google the Internet for a lemon party and now the Windows says lots of single women in my home town want to meet me!

[–]damM3[!] 0 points1 point ago

i swear to god i had the urge to fart while reading this and let out a tiny one at the punch line..

[–]nockbox 0 points1 point ago

So... you're a monkey?

[–]TheDeathOfComedy 0 points1 point ago

Flatulence, often associated with the "Physical Comedies," is often denigrated to a lowly, plebeian state because—let's be frank—everyone including the layman understands it. While flatulence is biproduct of digestion the scent is undesirable; it doesn't pretend sophistication.

[–]coffeetablesex 0 points1 point ago

I farted while reading this...

[–]PencilDrawn 0 points1 point ago

You farted ONCE in your LIFE? :/

[–]Daxxt 0 points1 point ago

I remember when my chemistry teacher showed me this image. We were looking at the properties of gases...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes when you live, no-one notices.

[–]netraven5000 0 points1 point ago

zoom in...

yup, it's got three eyes.

[–]n0ggy 0 points1 point ago

Repost level : Grandparents.

[–]haikiba 0 points1 point ago

And sometimes ... when it snows ... my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

[–]eggni 0 points1 point ago

Is that monkey fat or pregnant?

[–]MosesIAmnt 0 points1 point ago

My SO said "I can smell that" while I was reading this.