this post was submitted on
6,439 points (57% like it)
23,756 up votes 17,317 down votes

AdviceAnimals

subscribe1,380,981 readers

1,311 users here now

Do you love Heavy Metal? Y U NO subscribe to r/MetalMemes?

Welcome to r/AdviceAnimals

Sound advice from animals anything!

Rules

  • We're here to have a laugh, don't get too serious.

  • Follow the general Advice Animal format. Two line setup or a pinwheel background

  • No reposts, if you didn't make it, don't post it.

  • No verticals or staredad comics. At all.

  • No posting memes you saw in real life.

  • Don't make memes about your friends in real life. Ever.

  • Shortened links (tinyurl, bit.ly, etc.) are not trusted by the spamfilter and will be automatically removed. Please refrain from using them.

Making Memes

Visit:

or use

  1. Please keep the 'advice' relevant to the character. If you're not sure, go to knowyourmeme.com.

  2. If you'd like to use AdviceAnimals in your comments, here's how.

Messaging the mods

  1. We are always happy to help. Please attach a link to the comments of your submission and a description of the question/problem you are having.

  2. If you can't see your submission in the new queue and think it has been filtered as spam, please double check that your new queue is ranked by new and not rising.

  3. If you still think it is in the spam filter, don’t delete your submission, message the mods instead. Deleting it will make the spam filter more likely to filter you next time you post.

  4. click here to message the moderators

  5. click here to request a new flair to be made

You might also enjoy:

Our Family

and Friends

Good Guy Gregs check the new queue


created by mesutima community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

top 200 commentsshow all 275

[–]A_Crazy_Hooligan 366 points367 points ago

whenever I see these things I get quite irritated. its the most pointless thing. what's worse is people believe it.

[–]Admiral_Amsterdam 324 points325 points ago

I'm getting really tired of the kids with disfiguring diseases "This kid gets teased every day, like this if you think (s)he's beautiful"

No. Stop that.

[–]CrayolaS7 38 points39 points ago

I saw one of those and then the pictured girl posted and was like "what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't have cancer, I shaved my head to raise money for cancer and I barely even know you."

[–]mrupyours13 152 points153 points ago

You should get tired with the dumb fucks who post them not the kids

[–]thenuge26 271 points272 points ago

No. If the damn kids were just healthy, there would be no problem!

[–]TracyMorganVoice 78 points79 points ago

JUST LIKE NOT HAVING SEX BEHIND A MIDDLE SCHOOL IS THE BEST WAY TO NOT GET PREGNANT

[–]RagingRetard 58 points59 points ago

That's like saying the best way to ski safely is not to ski.

[–]GoingFullRetard 83 points84 points ago

You never go full retard.

[–]zHellas 55 points56 points ago

Says the guy who is going full retard.

[–]Archangelus 23 points24 points ago

Beautiful people having sex behind a high school after snowboarding is fine.

[–]zHellas 7 points8 points ago

Who said it wasn't?

[–]jdrneto 0 points1 point ago

The dumbest mortherfucker that ever lived

[–]todayifeel 0 points1 point ago

You're from Utah too?

[–]jdodge1090 -4 points-3 points ago

If we lived in a world with Rick santorum as president there would be less children to get sick.

[–]GOP4ME 5 points6 points ago

and there would be an idiot bigot as POTUS

[–]I_rhyme_your_name 11 points12 points ago

Are you saying that it's a sham?

[–]FORVICTORY 6 points7 points ago

I know, right! The kid is always ugly, those people are liars.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

Why are you idiots friends with these people?

[–]Admiral_Amsterdam 1 point2 points ago

Good God, you're far back. This is like 3 years internet time.

[–]I_like_owls 51 points52 points ago

I don't think they believe it--not really. It's just a case of armchair humanism. They pass along the disfigured kid picture or the Kony video and then they can sleep at night knowing they've done something when really, they could have parted with some of their hard earned cash and given to Make A Smile or someplace like that who actually fucking do something about disfigured kids.

It's funny how much more slowly people are to jump on the bandwagon when $$$ is involved.

[–]2orangey4crows 33 points34 points ago

Reminds me of my friends whose "likes and interests" section on their facebook profile list about 1000 charities.

I GET IT, YOU WANT THE WORLD TO THINK YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL

[–]I_rhyme_your_name 39 points40 points ago

She's desperate, and it shows

[–]stayonmysidetonight 15 points16 points ago

This is the second time I've seen you today and I gotta say, I really appreciate your efforts to both rhyme and add something to the discussion. Good on you.

[–]I_rhyme_your_name 9 points10 points ago*

I'm pleased by your delight.

edit for spelling, oh the shame

[–]NovaMouser 1 point2 points ago

You seem to have trouble with spelling?

[–]I_rhyme_your_name 5 points6 points ago

It's because I'm a Scouser

[–]NovaMouser 1 point2 points ago

I had to google, now I want to know if you actually live in Liverpool and that was just a really convenient way to rhyme my name or not.

[–]bmanickel 0 points1 point ago

I want my name rhymed...

[–]vwixci 3 points4 points ago

Nice try, Make a Smile.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

It's pascal's wager all over again. "Sure, it probably won't help. But there's a tiny chance, and it costs me nothing. And the potential payoff is huuuuuge!"

So many people build their lives around this fallacy, we shouldn't be too surprised if their facebooking is consistent with the rest of their philosophical life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

That sentence summed up how we all feel perfectly. Good for you, you get a star.

[–]Killwize 2 points3 points ago

Kony 2012. . .

[–]PersianRevolutionary 17 points18 points ago

Yeah fuck you! You hate children!

[–]PsiAmp 31 points32 points ago

Yeah fuck you! You ate children!

[–]YouListening 15 points16 points ago

Time to play America's favorite game show: Cockney or Cannibal!

[–]Dr___Awkward 30 points31 points ago

What is this, r/atheism?

[–]ariheretic 2 points3 points ago

Awkward...

[–]ablebodiedmango 6 points7 points ago

Yeah fuck you! You mate children!

[–]The_Morbid_Toaster 10 points11 points ago

Yeah... I am not clicking on that link...

[–]stryder3323 6 points7 points ago

It's safe. I checked.

[–]Shoopalapa 1 point2 points ago

Yeah fuck you! You date children!

[–]xCasualty 1 point2 points ago

Does this particular surgeon remind anyone else of an ape? Or is that just me.

[–]FissilePort1 -1 points0 points ago

well... he is an ape. all people are.

[–]DarthRevan916 5 points6 points ago

Common ancestor, not direct descendant.

[–]MetasequoiaLeaf 11 points12 points ago

FissilePort1 is correct.

We're more closely related to some apes (chimpanzees and bonobos) than those apes are to other apes (gorillas and orangutans). Taxonomically, there is no way to define ape that doesn't include humans that makes sense. We are apes, and our ancestors were apes -- not the same apes that are around today (it still doesn't make sense to say we are descended from chimpanzees, for instance), but apes all the same.

/pedant

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

My god, please tell me we're not having that discussion again...

[–]gargamak 1 point2 points ago

From wikipedia on Humans and Hominidae


Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Chordata

Class: Mammalia

Order: Primates

Family: Hominidae

Tribe: Hominini

Genus: Homo

Species: H. sapiens


The Hominidae (/hɒˈmɪnɨdiː/; anglicized hominids, also known as great apes), as the term is used here, form a taxonomic family, including four extant genera: chimpanzees (Pan), gorillas (Gorilla), humans (Homo), and orangutans (Pongo).


Humans are apes, great apes in fact.

[–]choleropteryx 0 points1 point ago

Sometimes not so great.

[–]gargamak 5 points6 points ago

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”

-Carl Sagan

[–]FissilePort1 0 points1 point ago

homo sapiens are apes.

[–]Razer1103 -2 points-1 points ago

Go back to school.

[–]todayifeel 1 point2 points ago

my exact thoughts

[–]lah1312 1 point2 points ago

Also the ones that say: "This man killed his wife blah blah blah, every 'like' is a punch to his face". Yes, because clicking a button is actually physically harming someone.

[–]BlueThen 3 points4 points ago

"I do it just in case."

[–]Doopz479 658 points659 points ago

Well, looks like we didn't get enough likes. Kill the girl.

[–]Bjartensen 471 points472 points ago

"There was nothing we could do."

[–]dellafrienda 194 points195 points ago

so close to having the technology

[–]Not sure if you notice this...kbuis 18 points19 points ago

We just got a grant that could get us closer to KONY 2012 status. It takes a lot of drugs to make that many people care on the internet. Enough to make a man go insane in the middle of a busy intersection with no pants on.

[–]Faramir_the_Ranger 0 points1 point ago

I've done that before.

[–]garbobjee 11 points12 points ago

You mean LAN for SC2?

[–]Danithal 14 points15 points ago

[–]Disconsolate 6 points7 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Nowhere_Man_Forever 79 points80 points ago

But her boyfriend could still donate the ovaries!

[–]MCNUGGET_IN_MY_ANUS -4 points-3 points ago

I lost my shit

[–]Jandklo 29 points30 points ago

So many McNuggets, lost... You heartless monster!

[–]MCNUGGET_IN_MY_ANUS 8 points9 points ago

I didn't realize what I did there until your comment, needless to say, it happened again

[–]Daveyd325 7 points8 points ago

That plays out like a South Park episode.

[–]Headchopperz 11 points12 points ago

still a better ending than mass effect 3

[–]Kkstopper 63 points64 points ago

As an actual practicing surgeon, this is all true.

[–]ariheretic 29 points30 points ago

Can I trade karma for surgery, or is it only Facebook likes?

I would like bigger breasts, please.

[–]Kkstopper 26 points27 points ago

Normally, I would say no, but the new Obamacare is allowing people to pay for medical procedures using Karma and/or pictures of kittens

[–]ariheretic 4 points5 points ago

Pictures of kittens, you say?

This is relevant to my current feelings: http://xkcd.com/512/

[–]I_FISTED_VOLDEMORT 10 points11 points ago

Stop practicing and do the real damn thing!!

[–]ecto1ajon 73 points74 points ago

Like this post if you are a strong beautiful black woman who don't need no man.

[–]teres94 36 points37 points ago

╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Like this post if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong black woman ~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t need no man ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝

[–]RussianFedora 7 points8 points ago

{~&%$#~%~&~~#~@$~%~}

[–]CUNT_COTTAGE_CHEESE 1 point2 points ago

I can't upvote this enough.

[–]Aristofrat 1 point2 points ago

Actually you're limited to one upvote. So you can upvote it enough :)

[–]ZXLucian 0 points1 point ago

Overly Literal Asspie?

[–]RolloTonyBrownTown 41 points42 points ago

I can report that the surgery went well, but now there is an infection. I need you to start a Facebook group and get at least 40 likes or the infection will enter the blood stream.

[–]protendious 15 points16 points ago

Bacteria use Facebook too.

[–]eyiy1234 70 points71 points ago

[–]Kennyboay 5 points6 points ago

I BRAVELY UPVOTED YOU
SUPPORT THE CAUSE
SAVE PIKACHU

Edit: Ron Paul 2012

Edit: CUNT

Edit: http://i.imgur.com/9A3OO.jpg

[–]ZXLucian 0 points1 point ago

DAMNIT WELL PLAYED.

[–]heretoplay 123 points124 points ago

I like knowing that I will never see these posts. It reminds me my friends aren't FUCKING RETARDED.

[–]jettrscga 18 points19 points ago

Like the above comment if your friends also aren't retarded. And to save an 8 year old cancer patient trained for Kony's army who has severe burns and gets bullied, but needs more likes to live.

[–]CaptainEZ 7 points8 points ago

And if you don't share it ten times, your crush will never declare his/her love for you.

[–]jettrscga 4 points5 points ago

Let's up the ante: We're also taking your firstborn child.

Pray I don't alter it further.

[–]emtcj 107 points108 points ago

Upvote this comment to end cancer.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]DoorLord 3 points4 points ago

DID WE DO IT? DID WE END CANCER? wHERE IS MY NO-BELL PRIZE? WHERE IS MY MONEY AND ALL THE WHITE WOMEN AT?

[–]metalbiscuits 2 points3 points ago

I'm still reading this in Tracy Morgan's voice.

[–]NovaMouser 1 point2 points ago

Alright I want my cancer cure now, where is it?

[–]joenot443 0 points1 point ago

112 upvotes and counting - keep up the good work, Reddit!

[–]IAmA_Zombie 0 points1 point ago

So it turns out after all the research and tests it turns out the cure for cancer was orange arrows that represent imaginary internet points.

[–]silverbackjack 43 points44 points ago

Come on facebook. Only 1000 more likes and we overthrow a fascist dictator

[–]The-dude_Anton 73 points74 points ago

like if you agree

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Bloq 21 points22 points ago*

I hate the word 'forty'. It feels like it's spelled incorrectly.

[–]burek_japrak 17 points18 points ago

I always tought it's spelled "fourty" ... wait that sounds wrong.

forty

fourty

Dammit now the word has lost meaning

[–]Jandklo 2 points3 points ago

You and I must BOTH be Canadian.

Hello.

[–]GOP4ME 4 points5 points ago

what does "its" feel like?

[–]siamthailand 0 points1 point ago

i'm not the only one then!

[–]JucheSanta 0 points1 point ago

I feel the same way about 'blood'. It looks like it should be pronounced 'blewd'.

[–]Sidbob 17 points18 points ago

This is exactly how it should be shown to those useless Facebook slacktivists. Although I have been seeing less of them these days.

[–]pinkflowers 13 points14 points ago

I never saw any of those posts until they let 13 year olds on facebook, then children figured they should be allowed one too. When I was a young kid, the only website I was allowed to visit was nickelodeon.com.

[–]flyingnomad 18 points19 points ago

When I was a young kid, we could only fax each other status updates.

[–]Mashflob 10 points11 points ago

All this Kony business is creating some first world like shortages.

[–]ProtusMose 5 points6 points ago

You want me to come on facebook?

COMMAS, people.

[–]Spicybagel 2 points3 points ago

You deleted the top post of all time on Advice Animals? Why?

[–]Tukajo 19 points20 points ago

I literally busted out laughing, waking up my roommate.

[–]redds56101 32 points33 points ago

Literally bursted? Hope you didn't make too much of a mess.

[–]goodguysteve 29 points30 points ago

He said "busted". I think that means something entirely different but I'm not sure what.

[–]redds56101 23 points24 points ago

And it appears I can't read.

[–]Naturality 23 points24 points ago

I wonder if facebook will get him some surgery to fix that.

[–]Tukajo 0 points1 point ago

Literally bursted in laughter. Nice loss of context there.

[–]I_rhyme_your_name -1 points0 points ago

Well aren't you a ton o' fun.

[–]tbh1313 0 points1 point ago

Rhyme his name damn it.

[–]Flabberdude 1 point2 points ago

That's why i killed her officer.

[–]rikker_ 1 point2 points ago

ಠ_ಠ Missing a very important comma...

[–]thrillhose 1 point2 points ago

That was somehow the most LOL thing I've seen this year.

[–]Alascar 1 point2 points ago

1999 Karma. upvotes I made it 2000... I feel special.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

You think that's bad? This God fella is apparently sending people to Hell for not spreading chain messages praising Him, and when they do He sends them to Hell anyway for contradicting something called Matthew 6:5!

[–]TaintrickTaintze 1 point2 points ago

The conspicuous lack of a well placed comma in the title makes me think that I am now obligated to come all over your Facebook.

[–]blink_again_bitch 1 point2 points ago

Not sure if Kevin Spacey...

[–]IIMsmartII 0 points1 point ago

YES. thank you, I ctrl-F'ed Kevin and was so happy to see this.

[–]blink_again_bitch 0 points1 point ago

looks like it was just me and you pal :)

[–]Dauwd 1 point2 points ago

Does that doctor look like Fred Armisen to anyone else?

[–]ZwiMMah_BoY 2 points3 points ago

(comment)

[–]The_D0PEST_D0PE 1 point2 points ago

isn't this the same sort of thing as praying?

[–]Leathernecks 1 point2 points ago

Usually, I slam my head into my desk thinking, "You people are so fucking dumb."

[–]Carvin1988 0 points1 point ago

I want to puke just at the thought that people are dumb enough to make this joke is relevant.

[–]pocketMagician 0 points1 point ago

upvotes to promote forward thinking...... :C

[–]icockblock 0 points1 point ago*

I simply Delete or Mark such posts as Spam....Only then I feel like I have done something to make this world a little better.

[–]monkey3 0 points1 point ago

Live saving technology is produced directly from Facebook "likes". It is how they make their money.

[–]xeridoo 0 points1 point ago

For a second I thought the title meant something else....

[–]jvaughn24 0 points1 point ago

I found my new timeline picture.

[–]Romito55 0 points1 point ago

Am i the only one who makes rage-statuses about these things?

[–]rmccawl 0 points1 point ago

Nice font, meta pro

[–]gridiron_nick 0 points1 point ago

I can't stress enough how even GROWN adults think a Facebook status will bring salvation of any cause!! A Facebook status wouldn't even bring hope, much less a savior...

[–]ThunderGyra 0 points1 point ago

"Doctor, she's having a seizure!" "HOLD ON, we just need a few mores likes."

[–]ThePiderman 0 points1 point ago

Is it just me, or does the title miss a comma? No offence, but I was confused at first.

[–]ThePiderman 0 points1 point ago

Is it just me, or does the title miss a comma? No offence, but I was confused at first.

[–]Tr33_Fiddy 0 points1 point ago

Don't you guys read Reddit? Doctors don't save lives, the good lord and savior, Jesus Christ, does.

[–]binx117 0 points1 point ago

I logged in just to upvote this

[–]justfarmingdownvotes 0 points1 point ago

eat your food, the children in Africa are starving

[–]clevingersfoil 0 points1 point ago

The first step to change is awareness.

[–]Razer1103 0 points1 point ago

I saw one today, "If you really ♥ your BOYS, click 'Share'!  The Official Mom Campaign"

So, you have to 'Share' that image to prove that you love your kids, "Officially". Really people?

There's no such thing as a "Official Mom Campaign", it's just some flair they added to the bottom of the image to make it look official.

[–]LikeABoss 0 points1 point ago

Reblob if you cried

[–]pimpernelle 0 points1 point ago

The people who post these things to my facebook are always the fakest people I know from my high school, too. That or the simplest and most naive. Were it actually socially acceptable for me to post on their walls about how dumb this is, I would. Thankfully, someone else usually has me covered before it gets too out of hand.

[–]lethalpuffin 0 points1 point ago

THIS. this is what should be spread all over facebook.

[–]HansoMon 0 points1 point ago

If only facebook have downvote button...

[–]instant_reddart -2 points-1 points ago

Like a swan from the duckling, I have made your comment... art

http://i.imgur.com/GZrOa.jpg

...Courtesy of the instant_reddart bot

[–]Lolita721 0 points1 point ago

KONY 2012!!!

[–]redgroupclan 0 points1 point ago

This should be in r/funny, not here. I could see someone putting it here if the text was big and white with a black outline, as people commonly make that mistake, but this image has almost no similarity at all with "advice animals".

[–]PaddyWhacked 0 points1 point ago

Is that..... Craig Charles (Red Dwarf fame)?

[–]MadKat88 0 points1 point ago

I love it hahah

[–]Cashmon12 0 points1 point ago

I saw one that literally said this:

If this gets 1,000 likes Kony will be captured

It had over 1,000...

[–]Devmeister_ 0 points1 point ago

No doubt eh. And the worst part is the pictures of those kids are gonna be all over the web and haunt that kid forever.

[–]williamwzl 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of this.

Makes people feel like they are doing something when they aren't.

[–]StrangerDangerManger 0 points1 point ago

I knew those worked

[–]joobadeezees 0 points1 point ago

read this as "come on me, facebook." ಠ_ಠ

[–]idonotcollectstamps 0 points1 point ago

Liek dis if u cry everytiem

[–]metalrawk 0 points1 point ago

'Like' is called 'like' for a reason motherfuckers. I won't 'like' it if I don't like it. It get worse when people post child gore pics with title- facebook will give $1 for every share.

[–]backlumberjack 0 points1 point ago

Brilliant

[–]no_pants-all_class 0 points1 point ago

Not a far cry from

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!

[–]mecrio 0 points1 point ago

Shouldn't that be a picture of Jesus?

[–]whitedolphinn 0 points1 point ago

This is brilliant.

[–]Ianoren -1 points0 points ago

Unless this comment gets 100 upvotes, the terrorists win.

[–]lonnez 0 points1 point ago

im just waiting for some day when a doctor decides to mess with people and just for kicks does something like this and get in the news and stuff.

[–]DevourerOfCookies 0 points1 point ago

lol yeah, idiot doctor should have posted on reddit!....ಠ_ಠ

[–]SwaggerLeGodwin -1 points0 points ago

I hope the unnecessary quotation marks serve for ironic purposes.

[–]Noteamini -2 points-1 points ago

comon, reddit, 1000 more upvote and we can save the world from stupidity

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

like dis if u cry everytm