Real Talk about Donuts from a 12 year old (word count: 137)

soal1 · 8 months

I like how things just escalated at the end. fuckin bagels goddammit!

ShaggySham · 8 months

But its the foundation of all donuts :( Plain donuts deserve equal rights

JackedIn · 8 months

Plain donuts are my favorite. They have just the right amount of sweetness, a hint of nutty/cinnamon flavor, and are perfect for dipping into coffee.

R59 · 8 months

Listen to the narrative. This was not written by a 12 year-old.

BAM225 · 8 months

Title: Donut Eat the Plain Ones

HighSorcerer · 8 months

That's unfair to the plain doughnut. Why should the plain donut, who can't afford to tart himself up like the common slut, be left out simply because he can't afford glaze, or filling, or some special creme. Simply because he doesn't have the money to make himself decent by your standards, he shouldn't be allowed to exist? That's harsh, kid. Harsh. I hope that when the time comes in your selfish world, and someone has to sit down and eat all those suffering, lonely, deserted plain donuts, it's you.

Word count: 89

JamesonRx · 8 months

This is most likely the best thing that I will read all day.

Also, this kid is like half my age and has way better handwriting than I do.

5seconds · 8 months

Kid's an idiot. Plain doughnuts are great.

parksidekilla · 8 months

That kid is a jerk! :(

zorno · 8 months

(pushes up glasses) actually the method in which plain donuts and bagels are made is quite different. Donuts are deep fried, where as bagels are baked in an oven, but I applaud the child for his Seinfeld-esque comedy.

notxjack · 8 months

http://buttersafe.com/2010/07/01/bagels-and-donuts/

CaveBacon · 8 months

I love a good old fashioned plain cake donut. DD donuts are shit anyway. Mom and pop place by my house makes a killer plain donut, which is nothing like a bagel.

starshinepony · 8 months

did Jerry Seinfeld write this?!

SockGoblin · 8 months

This is the other side of this comic.

volt43 · 8 months

The 12 year old version of Andy Rooney.

vpovio · 8 months

That child is dumb. Doughnut and bagel dough and cooking methods are different. Calling a plain doughnut a bagel is unbearclawable.

bink_uk · 8 months

I heard the Seinfeld music straight after reading that.

Drunken_Economist · 8 months

I wish I had handwriting like that when I was 12.

cphcider · 8 months

Reasonably sure this was written by Patton Oswalt: Age 12.

petergallo · 8 months

Source: http://www.buzzfeed.com/briannas/12-year-old-speaks-the-truth-about-plain-donuts-1k5t

chesterstone · 8 months

Real talk!

loanwolf · 8 months

The 12 year old can spell doughnut better than you.

jayen · 8 months

Read it in Jerry Seinfeld's voice.

kroor · 8 months

Is this Seinfeld? Sounds so much like a Seinfeld joke

oozerfip · 8 months

I counted 127 words...

DOWNVOTEDBITCH · 8 months

I don't believe for a second this was written by a 12 year old.

smawwww · 8 months

This kid is going places

VagabondUZ · 8 months

fake

thescarwar · 8 months

The world needs more thinkers. Imagine where the pastry community would be if everyone was on their toes like this!

GreatTragedy · 8 months

Looking at this reminds me how my penmanship gradually declined. I can't be sure, but I expect there was a negative correlation between the length of papers I was asked to write and the quality of my penmanship. Fortunately, typed format was predominate by junior high. For those that still required hand-written reports, it got bad.

HeartbeatOfCreation · 8 months

I wish I was that passionate about something.

thatben · 8 months

Lost on everyone is the troublesome appearance, once again, of the number 137.

MikePowski · 8 months

They're called Old-Fashioneds you little twerp. And for the record they are fucking delicious. Oh, and get off my lawn.

BBS- · 8 months

I love the plain ones.

beermepodcast · 8 months

Maybe the plain donut is like plain yogurt; you only come to appreciate its existence later in life.

Really_Great_Suit · 8 months

Larry David's kid?

Taypwnz · 8 months

Not only does that 12-year old have better handwriting than me, but they are a better writer as well.

andbloom · 8 months

You know what really grinds my gears...

[deleted] · 8 months

Heh. Pretty funny. The child should know that if not for the plain ones there wouldn't be any other kind. Plain, glazed doughnuts are the kings of the doughnut world.

TheJack38 · 8 months

I have no idea what this "Bagel" of which you speak is.

Also, "plain" donuts is the real donuts. Everything else are the whores of the donut world.

weekendlobotomist · 8 months

Dude, plain cake donuts are fantastic.

que_pedo_wey · 8 months

And he knows how to spell "doughnut".

vVvMaze · 8 months

im 23 and his/her handwriting is wayyyy better than mine

Fourthcubix · 8 months

TIL I have worse handwriting than a 12 year old.

Nightst0ne · 8 months

That sentence structure, that mastery of punctuation and grammar. My God, it even has a watermark.

This is from a private school kid isn't it?

catsgomoo · 8 months

We're cut from a similar mold you and I. My 12 year old self, had to write a very important paper for my permanent file, that my school kept. What did 12 year old me write about? Mustard. I wrote one of my best papers ever, about mustard.

soapwater · 8 months

Sorry, but 12-year olds don't think like 1990s Jerry Seinfeld. This is very clearly written by an adult.

Delimast3r · 8 months

Who counted the words?

milsgils · 8 months

Well, I appreciate the plain ones because those are the kind you can make for breakfast while camping if you're using a dutch oven.

But to the kid's certainly entitled to his opinions. I'd give it an A, very well described.

saveallrobots · 8 months

I wouldn't mind receiving an Old Fashioned.

wareZatwork · 8 months

I feel bad now, that 12 years olds hand writing is streets ahead of mine. ಠ_ಠ

Edit: I can't spell either..FML

Kronecker_D · 8 months

Okay, but plain donuts are nothing like bagels.

Immortal_Wombat · 8 months

This is clearly the OP's rant, he was just so embarrassed about his pen(cil)manship that he tried to pass it off as a 12 year old's work

real_nice_guy · 8 months

that child writers more concisely and more neatly than I do.

wilkstawilk · 8 months

that kid will get far in life.

cptncrnch · 8 months

baggles.

HereForTheBuffet · 8 months

This kid is the Malcolm X of doughnuts.

Mirrormn · 8 months

As someone who professionally grades standardized grade-school essay tests, I'd like to point out that this is really exceptional writing for a 12 year old. The accuracy of the mechanics, the style, voice, and imagery are all well beyond what the vast majority of writers that age can achieve.

Nice handwriting, too.

jdcooktx · 8 months

Those are the only kinds of doughnuts that I like.

vtechnique · 8 months

what the fuck am i doing with my life.

Winterbreeze · 8 months

Kid's too neat. Spelling's too perfect. I sure as hell wasn't displaying that level of literacy when I was 12. There's just nothing that would indicate a kid wrote it in any way, shape, or form other than the title of the post.

questionseatanswers · 8 months

It wasn't long before we found your replacement, Andy Rooney.

krevency · 8 months

I prefer the plain ones.

That kid's handwriting is way better than mine.

[deleted] · 8 months

This should be a Def Poetry session.

Its clearly a metaphor for gendrification ,conformity, and the moral decay of western culture.

whatainttaken · 8 months

I used to work at a high school and had the pleasure of reading papers like this all the time. It's amazing what kids will come up with for writing assignments. My all time favorite was an essay by one kid entitle "How to Fake a Phony Illness: Five Steps to Staying Home from School."

GaugeFOREVER · 8 months

Fake

guthpasta · 8 months

Was this written in class? I know a plethora of college age students who aren't as articulate as this 12 year old. Seems to have had parental help, and if not mucho props.

Sxcerino · 8 months

Not sure if most of reddit writes below a 12 year old literacy level,

or restoring faith in the american education system

kangolkyle · 8 months

I love how this sense of humor is trickling down and spreading throughout our culture, it's great

AetherFlash · 8 months

Frankly, I'm surprised the 12 year old spelled doughnuts correctly.

McSmo · 8 months

I lol'd ssoooo damn hard

EmpressK · 8 months

Today I realized that I have never liked bagels. I've been using bagels as a delivery system for cream cheese my whole life.

mrmonkey72 · 8 months

I was really hoping this would be regarding the Dilla album. Real talk.

NatWilo · 8 months

This kid's gonna be a writer, someday. :)

Madasterd · 8 months

Go fluoride free brother

kraken_kitty · 8 months

This is the best piece of writing from a 12-year-old I have seen yet.

I would give him an "A".

jaxblue · 8 months

Plain is my favorite.

HandyCore · 8 months

/me loves plain doughnuts. I don't like glazes, powders, or fillings. Just give me a good ol' fashioned doughnut.

edit: I meant powders. I love powers.

invigilatora · 8 months

...plain is the only kind i like

KousKous · 8 months

One problem: they're fucking delicious. Seriously. Try a plain donut from a small bakery/donut shop and dunk it in some coffee.

KoreanBBQPlate · 8 months

Plain cake donuts are the shit. It's safe to argue that sweets are inherently un-manly, thanks to them having been heavily co-opted by women and children alike. Plain cake is the only donut you can dunk in your black coffee without getting a sickly-sweet, oily film floating on top. This is not to say sweets should be written off all together - sweet is one of the five fundamental tastes, after all. Plain cake simultaneously provides a subtle sweetness and showcases the true quality of the donut itself instead being a hollow medium for gross frosting, glaze, sprinkles and jellies.

tl:dr : Plain Cake - Real Donuts for Real Men.

[deleted] · 8 months

LIARS, LIARS EVERYWHERE

juicycunts · 8 months

weight of 12 year old kid: 137 lbs.

GallifreyanRavenclaw · 8 months

This is exactly what goes on in our minds.

Seriously though, A FREAKING BAGEL.

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