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all 95 comments

[–]GODFATHER_OF_REDDIT 42 points43 points ago

The best way to cut an onion without crying is to not get too emotionally attached to it.

[–]xcforlife 4 points5 points ago

THE GODFATHER HAS SPOKEN

[–]mbhammer 55 points56 points ago

I just wanted to say chewing gum has never helped me not cry when cutting onions. I work at Subway 5 days a week and have to cut onions every one of those days. The only thing I've found that works is throwing the onions in the freezer for like 20 minutes before chopping. Also, oddly enough, when I wear contacts the effect of the onions is lessened.

As a side note, I should also mention that I'm a little bitch

[–]spiceXisXnice 7 points8 points ago

I just bring my onion goggles to work. The head chef gives me funny looks, but you never see me crying!

[–]indoordinosaur 6 points7 points ago

this is what i did In fact, where we worked we had goggles specifically for that purpose

[–]ajm86 4 points5 points ago

This is the thing that actually works.

[–]HerrelZaneth 3 points4 points ago

I cut my onions in half and soak them in cool water for a half hour before cutting them. Works like a charm.

[–]bo87 2 points3 points ago

doesn't that fuck up the taste of them?

[–]DatBlackStar 6 points7 points ago

Tears in the onions will also fuck up their taste. :'(

[–]r0ckarong 2 points3 points ago

most of the taste is contained within the walls of the different layers. I wouldn't soak because that could actually dilute or wash out some flavor but a quick rinse takes away a lot of the loose liquids that react into the acid and doesn't do a lot to the taste. If you're frying them most of the actual taste develops through caramelization of the contained sugars in the onion and you would really have to let it sit in water for days to damage those.

[–]immatellyouwhat -1 points0 points ago

tl;dr: no.

[–]r0ckarong 0 points1 point ago

Go fuck yourself. Short enough?

TL;DR: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

[–]jblah 1 point2 points ago

Just cut them underwater to begin with will work. You don't need to soak them.

[–]Obliviousobi 1 point2 points ago

Yea, I've tried all the typical "remedies" you hear about, none have worked for me.

[–]willman161 1 point2 points ago

Damn onions... ಥ_ಥ

[–]plum13sec 1 point2 points ago

'subway university' tells you to do this in its online training when you get hired

[–]mbhammer 0 points1 point ago

hahahaha! subway university. squeaked by for years without having to do it and finally was forced to recently. the pictures of employees are hilarrrrriouusssssss

[–]upsetGobbles 1 point2 points ago

Bitch,please. I work at a pizza place and i have to chop up 8 pounds of onions twice a week.

[–]mbhammer 0 points1 point ago

That. Is. Ridiculous. I don't envy you.

[–]nontoxyc 1 point2 points ago

I thought I was the only person alive who knew that wearing contacts prevents cutting onions from burning eyes. I actually wore contacts so consistently that I thought the whole "crying while cutting onions" was an exaggerated urban myth and was unpleasantly surprised after I started wearing glasses.

[–]mbhammer 0 points1 point ago

This is exactly my situation. Switched to glasses about 2 years ago after 4 years of contact-wearing onion chopping. Was blown away.

[–]Giggity_Giggity23 3 points4 points ago

The irritant that bothers your eyes is a protein. By wearing contacts you're blocking that irritant from ever reaching the surface of.your eye.

Also, by freezing the protein you're denaturing it. The freezing process changes the shape of the protein and renders it useless (proteins are dependant on their shape).

[–]Bio-ScienceGuy -4 points-3 points ago

No.

[–]Giggity_Giggity23 3 points4 points ago

I don't know how to reply to this other than... Yes.

[–]Bio-ScienceGuy 1 point2 points ago

Freezing rarely denatures a protein, that's heating.

Proteins are rarely able to travel by air like that. The part of onions that makes us cry is essentially sulfuric acid and various other thiol compounds.

[–]Giggity_Giggity23 -1 points0 points ago*

I stand half corrected. Freezing WILL denature allinase.

However, you are correct that it isn't the actual protein that will reach your eye.

EDIT: Thought I should add- it denatures dependently on the type of freezing. Slow freezing will actualy denature - while fast freezing will actually perserve it. I'm on my mobile right now but Google freezing effects on allinase. There's been a surprising amount of studies on it.

[–]Buddha1231 0 points1 point ago

All you need is a little lemon juice. It completes most of the chemical reaction before the onion juice gets near your eyes, so you don't have sulfuric acid or something like that forming in them, which causes the tears

[–]InfiniteBacon 0 points1 point ago

Interesting, did you discover this yourself?

[–]Buddha1231 0 points1 point ago

lol no, i heard about it, and i tried it once and it works like a charm

[–]Spanone1 0 points1 point ago

Odd, it has always worked for me.

I was pretty surprised when it did, none of these types of things ever work for me.

[–]idontgetitwhat 0 points1 point ago

I guess it doesn't work for everyone, but I also cut onions on a regular basis at work and it has worked for me :)

[–]listerfyne 0 points1 point ago

Came in here to say these exact things. Chewing gum never helped, but when I have my contacts in I almost never cry from cutting onions. It was a suprise that I cried while cutting onions when I got glasses again for the first time.

[–]xGambiTx45 0 points1 point ago

yea i chew gum at work(even tho i shouldnt) and it never helps, only thing that helps is being in the freezer lol

[–]SoManySpiderWebs -1 points0 points ago

Yep, I'm a serial gum chewer and I work at a restaurant. Gum does NOT prevent onion tears.

[–]Bipolarruledout 29 points30 points ago

Not likely. Because sulfuric acid.

http://chemistry.about.com/od/chemistryfaqs/f/onionscry.htm

This is also why I prefer sweet onions.

[–]Circus_Birth 5 points6 points ago

you got down voted for pointing out that chewing gum does not actually stop the problem and a relevant link explaining why. this is why reddit can't have nice things.

[–]kidneysforsale 0 points1 point ago

The downvotes are probably due to the lack of complete sentences or full explanation in the first part of the post.

[–]GentleZacharias -1 points0 points ago

Why would one complain about up or downvotes in the first few hours of a post's life? It almost always proves ridiculous three hours later, when the post is at +25 and you're complaining about a -3.

[–]SpringInJapan 6 points7 points ago

Bull fucking shit.

I've tried this numerous times and it doesn't work.

[–]TheWhiteCrayon 9 points10 points ago

Here's the source. It's too bad that Matt stopped updating the site.

[–]Mattxy8 10 points11 points ago

If you want I can keep updating it.

[–]wrincewind 2 points3 points ago

oh goodness, please do!

[–]Mattxy8 1 point2 points ago

It was a joke >.> I didn't even know about that site... Same first name got me comment karma XD

[–]TheWhiteCrayon 1 point2 points ago

I never thought I would get star-struck on the internet.

[–]Yboc 2 points3 points ago

I cried today more than I've cried any other day in my life. I had to make the decision to put my dog down and it was the hardest thing I'll ever do. If that makes me a little bitch, then I'm fine with that.

[–]IstheCakeReallyaLie 4 points5 points ago

Some people have things we like to call "emotions".

[–]magicset 1 point2 points ago

Insecure, neurotic closet cases like to think that that makes you less of a man.

[–]HerpinDerpster 14 points15 points ago

Ah yes, because experiencing and expressing emotions — particularly emotions of distress, sadness and of feeling helpless and/or powerless — is not very macho-like, and therefor undesirable, amiritegais?

[–]Streakiest 7 points8 points ago

I'm going to go pick up heavy objects whilst discussing various sporting events! I may also grunt!

[–]xcforlife 2 points3 points ago

It was funny before you interjected :(

[–]Goude 3 points4 points ago

No it wasn't.

[–]bo87 -1 points0 points ago

I thought about writing an answer like this, but then I remember not to bitch about humor.

[–]r0ckarong 1 point2 points ago

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/36kccv/

Actually an actual way to avoid crying is to rinse the onion under water before you cut it. Halve the onion, rinse it under cold water and dry off with a paper towel. This doesn't work for some applications but if you're frying them anyway it doesn't matter.

The easiest way to avoid crying is simply to improve your knife skills and cut them faster so you can put it out of range of your eyes.

[–]wayno007 1 point2 points ago

When I worked at Sonic we'd keep an open bottle of bleach nearby. Whenever we started to feel like crying, we'd take a sniff of bleach. Worked pretty well.

[–]Fenoe 1 point2 points ago

what part of chewing a gum stops the sulfuric acid from reaching your eyes?

ಠ_ಠ

[–]traken 1 point2 points ago

Am I the only person in the world that has never had a problem cutting onions?

[–]KingTroll69 1 point2 points ago

I like onions

[–]Kenny_Login 5 points6 points ago

Well, that went right on the fridge.

[–]Talbotus 2 points3 points ago

Chewing gum doesn't work.

[–]Belsher 0 points1 point ago

Cut onions with your mouth open and your tongue slightly sticking out.

The vapor from the onions then doesnt make contact with your eyes but makes contact with your tongue and loses its effect.

No more tears.

[–]mattxblack 1 point2 points ago

Fucking diffusion, how does that work?

[–]polishprince76 0 points1 point ago

Breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose, you'll never cry while cutting onions again.

[–]mcmurphy1 0 points1 point ago

But some people can't chew gum and not be a bitch at the same time.

[–]Produent 0 points1 point ago

I've always heard that smelling a chopped onion will also help to clear your sinuses of tear gas after exposure. Absolutely not interested in verifying this personally.

[–]Pit_of_Death 0 points1 point ago

Supposedly burning a few candles nearby works as well, though I've never tried it. Freezing the onions for a bit is the only thing that has worked.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

i cut the unions like man! i also fry bacon naked! YHEEEEAAAAA!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I wonder if chewing gum will help when I watch Titanic...

[–]code_reuse_boss 0 points1 point ago

This hurt my feelings :'(

[–]Owatatsumi 0 points1 point ago

All of the 'tricks' to stop crying while cutting onions are wrong. The actual way;

  1. Get a sharp knife
  2. Learn how to cut an onion so you do it fast.

[–]stanek 0 points1 point ago

The real way is to take it like a man and tear up. Once you tear up you can cut 20lbs of onions no problem.

Stop being a bitch. Don't close your eyes when you feel the water.

The difference between a teary eye 'ussy and a macho man is that the little bitch closes their lids to cry.

Men let the tears evaporate from their eyeballs. They are secondary balls for a reason, use them.

[–]Rainb0wcrash99 0 points1 point ago

I rest my case!

[–]Titan7771 0 points1 point ago

Also biting your lip.

[–]vendsale 0 points1 point ago

I read this in Ron Swanson's voice...it was glorious.

[–]kriss554 0 points1 point ago

But but.... My little dashie is just so sad :'(

[–]pmssucks 0 points1 point ago

I never found the gum thing worked. I now have a slap chop. Problem solved

[–]mandog202 0 points1 point ago

i was NOT crying..... and i'm not crying now http://i.imgur.com/30bYy.gif

[–]TrueAmurrican 0 points1 point ago

I wear contacts and work as a chef. Onions do not make me cry, so long as I wear said contacts. If I wear my glasses, I die. Or I guess cry. A lot. The end.

[–]YesNOorMaybe 0 points1 point ago

or put lemon on it

[–]kikichun 0 points1 point ago

I wore my swim goggles once.

[–]Skulder 0 points1 point ago

You cry because you press down on the onions when you cut them, thus making them spray onion juice. They don't do that if you don't press down on them.

The trick to not cry when cutting onions is using a sharp knife.

The trick to not cry in other situations is using a sharp knife.

[–]StinkYourTrollop 0 points1 point ago

On a related note, to get the smell out of your hands all you need do is rub your hands on stainless steel.

[–]goombapoop 0 points1 point ago

No1. way to stop crying over onions: Wear contacts

[–]swoledaddy 0 points1 point ago

toothpick works better than gum but both really dont help...once u get done, go into the cooler and stare into the fans for almost instant relief

[–]powpowbang 0 points1 point ago

Yah, the gum thing is total bullshit. Who is allowed to post this drabble anyways.

[–]MikeTheInfidel 0 points1 point ago

HA HA MEN DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS AM I RIGHT GUYS

[–]FuckYoureShit 0 points1 point ago

How do you prevent reposts?

HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHA HASH;DFASD;LKFHALSKDFJLAKSJDFA

[–]Magnum8517 -1 points0 points ago

Touché sir...

[–]justaref -4 points-3 points ago

Re-post

[–]mmine1 0 points1 point ago

Ya don't say?

[–]Streakiest -1 points0 points ago

saying repost is a repost you know

quit it no one cares

[–]justaref 0 points1 point ago

Silly me, I thought we were supposed to reward original content, not laugh like little kids at obvious re-posts

[–]Streakiest 0 points1 point ago

Things can be funny more than once. And judging by the upvotes, a lot of people haven't seen this before or found it funny again.

Unless it was getting reposted every day, it's not an issue. Karmadecay says the last repost was 2 months ago, and it only got about 300 points. That's completely fine!

[–]RepostsOnReposts -1 points0 points ago

The best way to cut an onion without crying is to not get too emotionally attached to it.

[–]JohnAbruzzi -4 points-3 points ago

The reason this works is that you're breathing through your mouth and not through your nose, the gum doesn't really do much.

A full proof way is to cut it going down the onion vertically before horizontally so that the individual onion veins do not bleed out their juices.