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all 154 comments

[–]goodwithcomputr 49 points50 points ago

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My buddy was at a party once with his ex. They had been broken up for about a year but remained mostly civil around each other. He made some joke about small dicks (don't remember how that came up), and she looks at him in front of his friends and says: "You would know all about that".

Now, I'm pretty close with this guy. He and I have had sex with our respective SO's in the same room. I have learned that he is far from well-equipped, and yet she used this kind of line to embarrass him anyway. Then later that night she had sex with one of our other friends.

I don't know how this story adds to the discussion. I just don't like that girl.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 27 points28 points ago

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Sounds like she doesn't like herself either.

[–]joequin 1 point2 points ago

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I'm not sure where you're getting that from.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 13 points14 points ago

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Do you know a lot of people who casually throw around public insults they know are likely to inflict moderate-to-significant emotional distress with healthy self-esteem?

[–]joequin -1 points0 points ago

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People with high self-esteem aren't the type who throw around insults constantly; no. But a they let a few loose every now and then when they think it's funny.

[–]goodwithcomputr 2 points3 points ago

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Whether or not MIXEDGREENS was right to make the assumption based on the info I gave, I can verify that she does indeed have very real, very repressed self-esteem issues.

[–]fireeater235 5 points6 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I like her. She's a slut.

[–]Chowley_1 0 points1 point ago

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At that point, he should have just owned it.

"You would know all about that" smug look

"Heh, yeah I do"

[–]mainemade 1 point2 points ago

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Of course, this would be a good time to mention your HUGE vagina!

[–]Dementati 0 points1 point ago

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Meh, who cares, it's not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that matters anyway.

[–]BusinessSearchLongmo 30 points31 points ago

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People actually do this in fights? I'm feeling as though I've led a sheltered life; I'd only bring the bedroom in with negativity if I was trying to sink a relationship.

[–]CrazyMarmoset 11 points12 points ago

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I agree with you, if someone did that it would just show me that they are too immature and shallow, and therefore not worth being in a relationship with.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 20 points21 points ago

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I don't take offense to the penis comments. I just use them as a reference on my "how mad is she?" chart.

Flirting with some guy in front of me? 1/5 just pay her some attention.

Bitching about specific issue? 2/5 fix the issue.

Bitching using generalizations? 3/5 get some chocolate.

Sullen and silent? 4/5 HOPE YOU GOT A GRAND ROMANTIC GESTURE PLANNED.

Dick insults? Pack it up; she's already fucking someone else.

[–]swedishpenis 2 points3 points ago

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I feel like having her flirt with a guy in front of me would be the worst next to the dick thing... And it would make ME the mad one

[–]MIXEDGREENS 6 points7 points ago

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Mayhaps I can try to rephrase things.

If she's trying to make you jealous, she still cares about you.

If she's trying to make you mad, it's because she's mad, misery loves company, and she still cares about you/wants to share experiences with you.

If she's mad but doesn't care enough to encourage you to fix/react to it, she no longer cares (as much?).

If she's publicly emasculating you, she doesn't give a fuck anymore.

[–]swedishpenis 1 point2 points ago

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huh I never thought that deeply about it, that makes a lot of sense actually. although it doesnt always work in that order, girls always seem to resort to the silent treatment first.

[–]tjoners 0 points1 point ago

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i am a guy and i think #3 is why my girlfriend broke up with me. i would be mad, sullen, and/or silent and not expect any response which led to me not even trying to get a response. i just enjoy my own thoughts and not having them out in the open. i guess she just got tired of it and moved on...said we didnt click/mesh like the thought we did.

[–]Chowley_1 0 points1 point ago

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See, to me, if she's trying to make me jealous, that shows a lack of respect.

[–]IWankYouWonk 0 points1 point ago

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as a woman, i agree that public emasculation=she no longer gives a fuck. it's pretty hard to come back from that, and is utterly contemptuous.

[–]NinjaScenester 1 point2 points ago

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I need to somehow show him this without being too... you know, bitchy. Sounds like you've got it figured out xD

[–]timberwolfe 1 point2 points ago

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Don't mean any offense here, but all of those would more likely make me mad, not instantly apologetic. If my girlfriend starts flirting with another guy in front of me, I'm not going to encourage that kind of cry for attention, I'm gonna be mad at her and she's gonna know it.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 0 points1 point ago

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No offense taken, lol. I'm not saying I instantly go into "fix it" mode (or that anyone necessarily should), or that those "fixes" universally work, or that I don't get jealous/mad as FUCK if a girl I'm seriously into starts flirting.

But what I will say is there's value in controlling the display of your emotions, and not being the equivalent of an emotional marionette.

But I'm bipolar, so I frequently have trouble following my own advice.

[–]greatatdrinking -3 points-2 points ago

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Assumptions assumptions, assertions and nonsense. I know the social sciences are bunk but you need to back your claims with evidence.

This isn't even anecdotal, just statements of fact that are whiney. It's boring and unhelpful.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 2 points3 points ago

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I don't need to do anything. We're posting on an internet message board. It would appear you are the whiner.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]docblue 5 points6 points ago

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I personally like Jim Jeffries retort. "I know how big my cock is to the millimeter, I know, I'v measured it. But how many of you ladies know how big your cunt is?"

[–]AppleSky 15 points16 points ago

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Something, something, Jolly Rancher?

[–]Meeruman 15 points16 points ago

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why can't I ever escape that story...

[–]adam_anarchist 5 points6 points ago

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because you stay on reddit

[–]carlosi1 6 points7 points ago

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Why is everyone trying to bring out the Jolly Rancher thing today ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck you, fuck Jolly Ranchers, and fuck that story!

[–]BrotimeAtBrojangles 0 points1 point ago

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Well if that's how we're going to play, then can you make a joke about loose, stinky, vaginas?

[–]phineas_p_madcap 24 points25 points ago

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Am I the only one who has never heard penis size referenced in an actual argument?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I don't leave the house much either.

[–]SexualHerAssment 21 points22 points ago

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I was at this bus stop a month ago and this large lady starts arguing(yelling) with her tiny bf as soon as they walk up. She proceeds to insult his personality for 5 straight minutes and then end with 'AND THAT'S WHY YO DICK SO SMALL I BARELY FEEL IT!!" and then everyone else at that bus stops proceeds to make this exact face (will smith's expression) at each other as my bus was pulling up...

[–]ROBOT-DINOSAUR-NINJA 21 points22 points ago

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and that's how hitlers are born!

[–]hardwarequestions -5 points-4 points ago

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no no no, if you watched family guy you'd know it's from self-esteem issues over low muscle mass.

[–]samstr 2 points3 points ago

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large lady

tiny bf

arguements

brb writing a sitcom

[–]crapcrapcrapcrap 39 points40 points ago

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If my GF ever insulted my penis size I would probably shoot myself. I couldn't handle that.

[–]JHallComics 27 points28 points ago

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That's why if I ever feel the need to initiate a nasty breakup, I'm just going to fake my own death.

[–]rmm45177 1 point2 points ago

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Are you the guy who makes the J Hall comics?

[–]JHallComics 1 point2 points ago

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Yes.

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points ago

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I'd shoot myself for dating someone so dumb she couldn't come up with a better insult.

[–]McMac 2 points3 points ago

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If your GF had a penis I would shoot it. Wat.

[–]onlythis 2 points3 points ago

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shoot her first.

[–]TroubleEntendre 2 points3 points ago

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What if I insult your penis size? Let's give it a try.

"Your cock is small, shrivled, and soft. It invalidates your existence as a man."

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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Too much faggot and/or bitch in you

[–]TroubleEntendre 9 points10 points ago

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Your retort is witty and subtle. 10/10

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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still too much faggot and/or bitch in you

[–]TroubleEntendre 3 points4 points ago

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I'm in fact a super queer double fag, so if anything there is too little.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Why? You had no choice on your penis size so it says nothing about you. She chose to date you and therefore chose your penis. If you in fact have a small penis, she's the pathetic one for choosing it. Or you could tell her she has a small vagina.

[–]HermanPain 1 point2 points ago

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Your first 3 sentences are legit. But every time I ever told a woman she had a small vagina she was very very happy about it. I'm not sure it works that way.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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Not sure why chicks do that. One fight and now everyone around you gets to hear about your tiny dick. Maybe i need to stop dating drama queens.

[–]gringo1980 44 points45 points ago

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Is it your tiny dick, or her huge vag?

[–]fatbatman 43 points44 points ago

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[–]ROBOT-DINOSAUR-NINJA 23 points24 points ago

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"I submit, that you took the baseball, and stashed it away in your unusually large vagina, and walked right on outta here!"

"( ゚ Д゚)"

[–]Stu_Pidasso 10 points11 points ago

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even a 747 looks small if it lands in the grand canyon

[–]JarateIsAPissJar 1 point2 points ago

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Where's my damn phone?

[–]Seref15 6 points7 points ago

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They resort to the dick insults when they know they've been backed into a corner in an argument and need a way out.

[–]McMac 0 points1 point ago

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Mention their vagina and "fish". Just to see what happens!

[–]jaxspider 9 points10 points ago*

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For the lazy, /r/reactiongifs.

[–]theSilenceWillFall 5 points6 points ago

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Whoops! That link doesn't quite work (an extra "s"). Try this instead: r/reactiongifs

[–]jaxspider 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks fixed.

[–]suitcasearsenal 1 point2 points ago

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came here for this link. thank you reddit!

[–]d00dsm00t 7 points8 points ago

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Buddy dated a girl once. Lunatic. Anyways, she'd always gush to us about how he would make her cum repeatedly. Once it was 11 times. Awesome, sounds fun lady. Then, when he finally called her out on her bullshit and kicked her ass to the curb, she said he had a small dick. Doesn't matter, had sex.

[–]Krizzy -1 points0 points ago

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11 is not something you can brag about

[–]SpazeLacer -1 points0 points ago

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huh?

[–]Krizzy -1 points0 points ago

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11 is a small number of orgasms

[–]SpazeLacer 1 point2 points ago

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No. Not at all. I'm not saying it is the maximum, but a lot of girls would be absolutely blown away if they had 11 orgasms in one session. Some girls would be thrilled just to get one.

[–]ownworldman 1 point2 points ago

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He is joking.

[–]Krizzy 0 points1 point ago

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The I must have been blessed by either nature or nurture

[–]HowYaGuysDoin 48 points49 points ago

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Bitch, if his dick was a problem you'd be out. Now shut the fuck up.

[–]Quarok 9 points10 points ago*

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That's a great retort, but seeing as the penis thing is brought up in a sort of 'well I'm such a great girl you're lucky to have me, you don't even satisfy me, I deserve a real man' kinda way, it gives a confused message. Is she a whore or a woman who can look past penis size, but not when it;s the only thing you've got going for you? Who knows?

edit: I thought it was a valid concern. Obviously not.

[–]AptMoniker 13 points14 points ago

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Are you drunk?

[–]Quarok 14 points15 points ago

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No, not at all. I stand by my comment.

Saying 'bitch, if my dick is a problem you'd be out' implies that the woman only cares about penis size. Sometimes, this might be a legitimate complaint from the guy, but then it's his own fault for going out with such an idiot in the first place.

On the other hand, if the concern is legitimate (the woman is not pleasured by the guy in bed, for which penis size is a fantastic metonym) then it's a terrible retort, because it isn't relevant. She's literally saying 'I went out with you despite your penis size, and this is how you treat me', and you say 'well I refuse to acknowledge your point because all you care about is penis size'. Kind of like it's the Godwin's Law of relationship arguments.

I am not defending these types of arguments, just so you know. I just think if you assume a rational motivation behind the woman's utterance, it makes no sense as a retort, and if you assume an irrational motivation behind the woman's utterance, you're with the wrong woman.

[–]AptMoniker 3 points4 points ago

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/slowclap & upvote!

Thank you for reminding me why I come to Reddit. I simply questioned the structure/position of your words (in a very innocently dismissive way I might add) and you delivered a very concise and thoughtful response.

Really, this should be your first comment.

[–]Quarok 2 points3 points ago

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Yep, agreed. I didn't take offense - just thought (particularly after this thread was posted on SRS) that it would be good to clarify the position I'd taken. Thanks for the upvote!

Another thing that strikes me about these types of statements is that they're mostly used because they're effective. Calling someone a whore is used a lot because people get embarrassed about sleeping with several people. This means it is effective even when it isn't true. Same goes for penis size, I guess

[–]blowinbacksout -4 points-3 points ago

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SRS saw it and is downvoting you...

[–]Probablythefirst 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit buddy, SRS is going to go to town on you.

[–]Gaudy_Monstrosity 2 points3 points ago

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BUT I THOUGHT SIZE DIDN'T MATTER

[–]IWankYouWonk 0 points1 point ago

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it totally matters.

[–]moothemagiccow 4 points5 points ago

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Who cares how big your dick is?

[–]samstr 0 points1 point ago

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the slut arguing

[–]Tystero 9 points10 points ago

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The girls who do this are usually lacking in wit and say this cookie-cutter comment because they can't think of anything better to say. Feel free to return the favor and eviscerate them in public, they're asking for it.

[–]ivquatch 2 points3 points ago

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It's like the male version of calling a woman fat.

[–]nixonneckweasel 1 point2 points ago

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This subreddit does not exist?

[–]Username1138[S] 1 point2 points ago

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There is link in one of the below comments

[–]buddybonesbones 1 point2 points ago

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you make a small "o" with your lips to accept his small penis?

[–]pgorney 1 point2 points ago

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Why doesn't reddit just cut to the chase and use "MFW" when posting reaction gifs?

[–]Bruce718 1 point2 points ago

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you're xposting from a subreddit that makes more sense and you get 1000 karma for it??????

[–]Rajio 1 point2 points ago

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Unless they were arguing about penis to begin with, it means she's admitting that she lost the argument.

[–]HazelHeart21 1 point2 points ago

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This is all I see.

[–]Vslacha 1 point2 points ago

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The image save link "yhHUh" is rather onomatopoetic with the sound I'd be making while doing that.

[–]NoctGent 1 point2 points ago

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"maybe my dick would be stimulating if I couldn't fist your pussy"

[–]atsDalco 1 point2 points ago

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Best part of this gif is the smallest hint of a grin at the end haha

[–]bad_dub 4 points5 points ago

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Be proactive.

You're going to bring up my mini-peen aren't you? Well, all the guys in the locker room know that, and you don't mind it in-and-around your mouth.

she mad.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Also the proper response to a small penis jab is a cavernous vagina jab.

[–]bad_dub 3 points4 points ago

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Goblin in a goldmine. Hotdog in a hallway. etc. etc.

[–]HermanPain 0 points1 point ago

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Large Hardon in a Large Hadron Collider.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Then the woman, if she has a sense of humor and self-deprecation, can come back by suggesting that the man is flattering himself with the comparison to a hot dog (while letting the hallway stand).

[–]bad_dub 0 points1 point ago

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I may or may not have a pig-in-a-blanket, but that hallway is really wide and doesn't have much depth.

grower not a shower

[–]iamhusband 3 points4 points ago

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My Reddit Rule # 34: Always upvote Fresh Prince of Bel-Air gifs.

[–]thatdarkknight -1 points0 points ago

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Incorrect good sir. rule #34 - If it exists there IS porn of it

[–]Quarok 2 points3 points ago

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he chose #34 in reference to that rule, I'm pretty sure. That's an internet rule - I think he should have said 'if there's a FPoBA gif, there will be an upvote'. The spirit was there, if the execution was not

[–]Krizzy -2 points-1 points ago

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there's a difference between internet rules and reddit rules

[–]SergeantJinto 1 point2 points ago

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I can't help but think of this one instead.

[–]Helen_Damnation 1 point2 points ago

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Funny, I made the same face before I even clicked on the gif! That's just a horrible thing to say, just that alone should make any guy glad she's gone.

[–]HermanPain 1 point2 points ago

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Once I jokingly told a girlfriend she could fuck other guys if she wanted, but only if they had smaller dicks than me so I wouldn't get jealous.

Then she left me for a guy with a smaller dick. Much smaller.

Boy was my face red!

I don't even know if that's relevant. I'm drunk!

[–]tommex 1 point2 points ago

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A friend of mine was once arguing with his ex girlfriend at a party, when she made the little finger "you have a small knob" gesture through a window.

He responded with, "MADE YOU BLEED!" loud enough for everyone to hear.

[–]Shaboz 0 points1 point ago

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I do it to myself plenty so it loses its power. I actually do that with everything.... words are just words.

[–]rifrif 0 points1 point ago

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is reactiongifs an actual subreddit? i tried typing it in and it didnt work :(

[–]Username1138[S] 0 points1 point ago

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Someone put a link in the comments below

[–]the_dayman 0 points1 point ago

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You could create a reaction gif for almost any situation using only Will Smith's faces from Fresh Prince.

[–]Strakallion 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Bsquad6 0 points1 point ago

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I don't have a specific story but one of my best friends got this kind of treatment regularly in high school. In school all the girls wanted him but he had some major problems with equipment size and performance length. It didn't help that he was trying to fuck every girl shamelessly. Once they were kicked to the curb,they had little sympathy for him and his small dick and would come up with jokes about it. The weird thing to me was, girls would know this info and still let him fuck, or at least attempt. I know relationships aren't all sex, but this dude isn't the relationship type and chicks were giving it up to him left and right.

[–]MaxJohnson15 -2 points-1 points ago

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Chicks are not witty so this is an easy comeback that's almost as lethal as their famous 'whatever'. Meanwhile they could make a tiny dick comment to John Holmes and you'd still have a gaggle of idiots making the face in this GIF.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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i bet you don't have a girlfriend.

[–]MaxJohnson15 5 points6 points ago

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Correct. Married for 6 years.

[–]offtheheazy6 0 points1 point ago

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He probably doesn't, but then again you don't need a girlfriend to have an active sex life. In fact, having a girlfriend is a step below single in my book. Redditors need to stop relying on girlfriends as a sense of security, most of you probably couldn't manage being single and getting laid as often as you would in a relationship.

[–]99thBeerontheWall 1 point2 points ago

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What are you trying to say? That its more difficult to get laid when you're single than when you're in a relationship?

[–]MyPunsSuck 0 points1 point ago

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I think you mean http://youtu.be/LBsuhtcdAvA

[–]Gamer_ely 0 points1 point ago

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a woman's go to move, like the boxers jab.

[–]MaxJohnson15 2 points3 points ago

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I still say their jab is the word 'whatever' and this is the big haymaker. If this one lands, fight's over.

[–]Gamer_ely 2 points3 points ago

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"whatever, your dick was too small anyways." and then you're done, thats it right there.

[–]theGreatBlar 0 points1 point ago

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Wow... you admit that this is a repost and still get up votes ಠ_ಠ

[–]Username1138[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I re-titled it. It was originally called "Ooooooooooh" which I suppose isn't really as funny as putting it to a situation. Props to who made it though.Good Gif

[–]killdie 0 points1 point ago

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psssh, if any girl tries to pull that generic bullshit line you straight out point out these 2 things, even if they aren't true.

  • 1: You have beef curtains and your vagina sags

  • 2: You have a wide vagina

also, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM ON THIS DILEMMA

[–]partanimal -1 points0 points ago

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So when a girl mentions a dude's dick you get ready to suck?

[–]Username1138[S] 0 points1 point ago

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Only if its small, Big dicks will break your jaw