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all 73 comments

[–]danwoever 116 points117 points ago

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Historical anachronism: Locks were definitely invented before guns.

[–]OutRunMyGun 53 points54 points ago

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And lotions, and tissues, and suspenders.

[–]DontUseThat 74 points75 points ago

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Such inaccuracies! What is this, some kind of joke?

[–]rockne 1 point2 points ago

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Rex, Buzz, nice to see you two...

[–]Odusei 0 points1 point ago

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Rex?

[–]rockne 0 points1 point ago

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Rex A. Goodtime?

[–]McGravin 12 points13 points ago

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4000 years ago in ancient Assyria, at least.

What we have here, gentlemen, is a time traveling masturbator.

[–]life-form_42 2 points3 points ago

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You've just invented the best Sci-fi/Action/Drama ever. Somebody call Stephen Spielberg!

[–]myusernamebarelyfits 2 points3 points ago

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Some people just don't want the world to have fun.

[–]ceepington 1 point2 points ago

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Redundancy was definitely invented before this post.

[–]M35Dude 42 points43 points ago

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The tricky part was when one hand got tired, so you switched, and in the curfuffle you accidentally shoot your penis.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Back and my day, we had to jerk it gripping sandpaper in the already calloused mitts that we called the hands of a working child, for half an hour - both ways!

[–]Bignut_Squirrel 1 point2 points ago

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You forgot the snow.

[–]medicrow -4 points-3 points ago

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Lololololololololololl

[–]painda 2 points3 points ago

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You, sir, made my day with "curfuffle". An upvote for you!

[–]McGravin 6 points7 points ago

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How many upvotes for knowing how to spell it? Kerfuffle.

[–]tihs_eht 11 points12 points ago

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I have seen this a hundred times and I still wonder, how does one fap with pants on?

[–]iamanooj 11 points12 points ago

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With great uncomfortableness?

[–]Gazook89 14 points15 points ago

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It took like ten comments to realize I missed him fapping. I thought he was just nervously guarding a door for no reason. I still think it is funnier

[–]Thumbz8 -3 points-2 points ago

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I never noticed he was faping, and I must say, the joke is far better if he's not.

[–]FBFismyspiritanimal 10 points11 points ago

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Kids these days are spoiled with door locks and personal computers. I'm starting to think quick-drawing your 6 gun and putting away your penis in one smooth lightning-quick motion will soon be a forgotten skill.

[–]kt00na 9 points10 points ago

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Don't worry, there's always the hobbyists. I went to a competition just last week. You should've seen it, bullseye after bullseye. Then they drew their guns.

[–]FBFismyspiritanimal 0 points1 point ago

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That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. And I listened to a guy who's a part-time stand up comic fake his way through a presentation he knew nothing about in one of my classes.

[–]Stavros175 8 points9 points ago

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There will be blood, and semen.

[–]ScottCarmichael 0 points1 point ago

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No Country For Old Men Door Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBqbMZ23n5o

[–]aoeu00 3 points4 points ago

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Can't tell if the guy's left handed or right.

[–]TheBoredMan 4 points5 points ago

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God... I literally posted this same picture a few months ago and it got negative points >__<

[–]LiquidFood 2 points3 points ago

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Here have a upvote :)

[–]EatsFetuses 4 points5 points ago

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It's a younger stare dad, and he must be really coordinated to manage to balance performing both of those actions at the same time http://i.imgur.com/Kli57.jpg (stare dad for those who were wondering)

[–]baconated 2 points3 points ago

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Based on the number of redditors that get walked in on, one could be forgiven for thinking the lock hadn't yet been invented.

[–]uzimonkey 2 points3 points ago

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Fun fact: locks don't stop anyone who actually wants to get in. They're just for your peace of mind.

[–]dgb75 2 points3 points ago

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I left my house unlocked for three years straight. I only started locking it again when I had a roommate who insisted on doing it. The most cost effective way to keep a would-be burglar out is to put an ADT sign in your front yard. Anyone with an IQ over 60 just keeps walking.

[–]sandy_balls 0 points1 point ago

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They'll stop anyone getting in who hadn't wanted in pre-emptively.

[–]dnbVice 7 points8 points ago

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God + Lock = Glock?

Mind = blown

[–]MyriPlanet 5 points6 points ago

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Checkmate, atheists.

[–]monstermash100 4 points5 points ago

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god...lol

[–]emperiod 0 points1 point ago

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Perhaps literally.

[–]cvframer 6 points7 points ago

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[–]BantamBasher135 2 points3 points ago

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But... the hand, but... shouldn't FUCK

[–]jamesisworst 0 points1 point ago

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shaking wrong hand

[–]RubiconFan 4 points5 points ago

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Locks only give you the illusion that you are safe. (Bump Keys)

[–]nancylikestoreddit 1 point2 points ago

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I'm having a bad day. This ridiculously hilarious joke made me laugh. Thanks OP.

[–]Skepticasaurus 1 point2 points ago

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The box of tissues and the lotion is for if the gun doesn't work. I don't think anyone wants to rob you if your masturbating.

[–]adelato 1 point2 points ago

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So this is what Howard Hughes was really doing in his private movie theater.

[–]TheRealMerlin 1 point2 points ago

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Not so thankful for locks tonight. Got locked out of my house =[

[–]apullin 1 point2 points ago

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http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/hx6ci/before_the_lock_was_invented/

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/jzvl4/before_the_lock_was_invented/

6 and 9 months ... perfect re-front-page'ing period. I should really make a histogram of this shit.

[–]drunxor 1 point2 points ago

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Is that why they don't lock their doors in canada

[–]limer 1 point2 points ago

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Get another chair and prop it under the doorknob. Problem solved.

[–]queefbeef 1 point2 points ago

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Laugh. Upvote. But not too sure the modern door knob was actually before the first locks..

[–]mintmouse 1 point2 points ago

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Stare dad's dad's dad

[–]izbsleepy1989 1 point2 points ago

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Yes now we can break into people's homes with out the fear of getting shot.

[–]sometext 1 point2 points ago

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Of all the times this has been posted, this is the first I noticed he was fapping. It makes a lot more sense now.

[–]cgee 0 points1 point ago

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Did anyone else think of seeing "lock" in the title as a lock of hair? Weird that my mind went to that first.

[–]Merinovich 0 points1 point ago

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me to, I thought of dreadlocks first..

[–]lazy_opportunist 0 points1 point ago

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This must have been before the Boy Scout Rule of D's too.

[–]Missfawkes 0 points1 point ago

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lol before the lock it was usually a piece of wood ( a board ) across the doors. thus effectively blocking entrance to such room.

[–]Batterup714 0 points1 point ago

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I can't think of a joke. Remember No Country For Old Men?!

[–]ilovevodka 0 points1 point ago

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Why is he masturbating?

[–]saadakhtar 0 points1 point ago

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Because it offends god!!

[–]laezert 0 points1 point ago

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At first I thought he was masturbating to kill time while he guarded the door.

[–]Traumatiicz 0 points1 point ago

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This reminded me of no country for old men...

[–]wallieburger 0 points1 point ago

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Thought this was making fun of no country for old men at first lmao

[–]etan_causale 0 points1 point ago

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I take it you are polytheistic?

[–]bw1870 0 points1 point ago

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Hence, "to shoot your load".

[–]cebukid 0 points1 point ago

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Should used the chair to block the door. Problem solved.

[–]kholms04 0 points1 point ago

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Those damn locks took all the fun out of it

[–]OrageSyringe 0 points1 point ago

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TIL vaseline was invented before locks.

[–]owensmw2 -1 points0 points ago

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Ew vaseline as lube.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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WTF he's jerkinit!

[–]BantamBasher135 -1 points0 points ago

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Anybody else think he looks like staredad?

[–]Shatterer -1 points0 points ago

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Hey look, someone made a comic of the movie "the Assassination of Jesse James"

[–]MonstrousVoices -1 points0 points ago

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What are you talking about? I sit in front of the door like this still. Sometimes naked. Sometimes with the door open.