Assholes always win

SLSnickers · 7 months

Came here to look for a U2 pun thread. Still haven't found what i'm looking for.

latticusnon · 7 months

People with healthy relationships can make jokes like this to each other. It is normal and fun.

The more you know

bekito · 7 months

So, when I was 14, I went to these church-sponsored dances with my friend. It was pretty much the only social life my mom would let me have at that age, and it happened every weekend.

They were mostly as awful as you can imagine, girls in modest dresses standing around waiting for the guys in ties along the walls to ask them to dance. I eventually got tired of never being asked, so started doing some asking myself.

There was this one guy. He was breathtakingly beautiful. I was imagining the children we would have and our perfect life together, every time I saw him. It took me about a month of dances to actually work up the courage to ask him to dance. I was nervous. Like, shaky hands no idea what to say nervous. He being a gentleman didn't say no when I asked him.

So, we're dancing. I'm hoping he doesn't notice my shaky hands or how sweaty they are getting, and suddenly really worried my breath might stink, even though I had a fresh piece of gum in my mouth. I really like the song that's playing, and decide that was going to be my conversational ice-breaker.

"I love this song," I say. It was With or without you.

He smiles for the first time since I asked him to dance and says " I love U2."

I freak out, thinking maybe he didn't hear me. Did he really say that? am I going to have beautiful perfect children with this guy? I need to make sure he didn't mistake what I said, so I repeat myself: "I like this song."

He gives me this look, like are you fucking retarded? and says "Yeah, I like U2, the band?"

That was the end of the conversation, and I spent the rest of that song red-faced, walked away as soon as it was over, and then hid in the restrooms for the rest of the night.

I stopped going to those dances shortly thereafter.

tl;dr by request: was a SAP at a dance and thought guy was telling me he loved me. Realised he was talking about the band & never showed my face at those functions again.

stlcardinal9 · 7 months

So is Alex a guy or a girl?

Cross88 · 7 months

Really, I've never known a Jason who wasn't an asshole.

hiverbon · 7 months

Shamelessly stolen from Scrubs?

englad · 7 months

'In a relationship, the power lies with the person who cares the least

redsoxfan1845245 · 7 months

188 comments, and not one of them have more than 1 upvote?

FullOfMan · 7 months

Is it just me or is everyone here stuck on one upvote? Let me fix that...

TJFadness · 7 months

Is something fucking up for me or are there seriously no upvoted comments in a front page post with nearly 50 (edit: rising quickly) comments?

Everyone is at "1 point", "(1|0)" for me.

gwaipor · 7 months

Cocky funny. Best way to attract a girl.

starmartyr · 7 months

If I know one thing about women it's this: When a girl says "I love you" the best response is to look at her and say "I know" and then get frozen in carbonite.

implicate · 7 months

Weird, I just read through this whole thread, and there was not one upvote.

HalfBakedPotato · 7 months

can we ban fake texts and fake fb wall posts?

beebhead · 7 months

Does AlienBlue have a bug or does every post in this thread really only have one upvote?

markatwar · 7 months

this isn't being an asshole, this is fuckin hilarious and girls will go crazzyyyy over it

Zeyphersan · 7 months

Credit to Scrubs.

LoyalCassius · 7 months

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc-3OErP15s

sharkdude95 · 7 months

Quick: favorite U2 album?

Mine is a tie between Achtung Baby and Zooropa

johnkong · 7 months

Marginally clever fake text conversations always win.

oopymoss · 7 months

Oh man , i just love reading made up text conversations between two redditors.

bluelikejazz · 7 months

U2: trolling their fans since 1978

enflamed_anal_hairs · 7 months

Jason and Alex?????

ageo · 7 months

Why does every comment in this thread only have one upvote.

j1ggy · 7 months

"Who’s the Boss?

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.

After a few days…

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.

This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…

Just an Asshole."

okadery · 7 months

Does she really have to confirm your love with "Aw really!" ?

ignore_this_post · 7 months

Here comes the great virgin debate: What's the proper algorithm for getting sex: Be nice or mean?

KidShowtime · 7 months

Read this on my iPhone. Looked real.

raging_asshole · 7 months

And don't you forget it.

dont-waste-my-time · 7 months

nice guys AND assholes rot in the middle , I think.

1banaan · 7 months

Was that Jason Hetfield trolling?

ProfessorMcHugeBalls · 7 months

Shout out to BC/Alberta even thought all the Big 3 carriers suck!

WAAITT · 7 months

We should analyze the shit out of this...

[deleted] · 7 months

Just read this on my iPhone. Kept clicking on the Messages back button in the image.... It's been a long week...

Ilikepineapplez · 7 months

Boyfriend knows the correct abbreviation for They are, yet purposely forgets the apostrophe.

CacophonyForever · 7 months

Yeah, why don't those bitch whore sluts ever stay in the kitchen for Nice Guys like me?

[deleted] · 7 months

Lame pic results in neckbeards arguing over what women want in a man. typical reddit

Flynnbert · 7 months

Pulls this dick move on his gf, still gets laid.👍

Mt_Snowtokia · 7 months

So is anyone else bothered by the fact that he only has one bar of Wifi? I mean, I just wish he was closer to the router. :l

NorthHame · 7 months

How did you get a screenshot from Sterling Archer's phone?

The_tittilator · 7 months

Scrubs?

rollinca · 7 months

Awe ≠ Aww.

Awe = Wonder, Amazement, etc.

skipdog172 · 7 months

As much as you guys want to sit here and talk about how this guy won't get laid and bla bla...

You are fucking clueless. Women respond to this shit like you wouldn't believe.

Want to know how to make a woman less interested in you? Tell her you love her. Response to her message with 'i Love you too. That is the quickest way for her to realize you are a pussy and there is no chalenge.

Want to keep a woman? Act just like this guy. He isn't blatantly being an ass, he is making a joke instead of returning the compliment. This makes women wet as fuck. Try to say he's an ass and it doesn't work all you want, but this guy is getting laid tonight and probably breaks up with many women... while none of them would ever break up with him.

BladeMN · 7 months

How not to get laid.

WildeNietzsche · 7 months

Wait, so is his name Jason or Alex. Or is Alex her name?

[deleted] · 7 months

A lesson all of you beta as fuck neckbeards will learn way too late.

HAVE FUN IN THE FRIENDZONE

creepysam · 7 months

HI JASON

Ubley · 7 months

Fake, who the fuck answers with Awr really? to U 2.

redditruinedme · 7 months

...."you are." and then he gets laid.

Shock_Johnson · 7 months

"So do you really love me?"
"Yes"
"Aww. You're too sweet!"
"...is a pretty good band"

some_random_asshole · 7 months

Fuckin right we do.

rottencabbage_ · 7 months

dont know why it hasn't been said before but it really comes down to people wanting what they cant have. Woman for some reason to tend to like being treated like shit, and I use the term very loosely. Were all gentleman I hope, so when I say treat woman like shit, I mean it just like the caption OP provided.

Woman like to be taken, they like to be grabbed and im pretty sure they dont like thinking about shit. Confidence and not giving a shit about petty woman crap is exactly what you need to be to get laid. Being funny is the best solution but I choke infront of really hot chiks.

Also I think I might just go around telling girls that I have a girlfriend because whenever I do, I literally get offered sex by about every chik I know

Kenjuta · 7 months

so is he jason or alex? i'm confused

kinkyyreggae · 7 months

who says 'i love you' for the first time through a text message?

Enchanted254 · 7 months

Awesome mom you have there...

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