I don't want to live on this planet anymore

kajarago · 8 months

Well well, someone plays Skyrim...

sintralin · 8 months

Someone had poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into their fish tank, and all three fish were dead.

What a horrible thing to do...maybe instead of killing three FISH to avoid getting caught they should have not sold the stolen items to local pawn shops. Idiots.

ThatOneLundy · 8 months

That kid doesn't know what he's doing. Everyone knows that if you want to leave no witnesses, you have to kill the chicken and the horse, not the fish. Fish don't give a shit.

captsalad · 8 months

if this isnt from the onion, then i do not wanna live on this planet anymore either.

Bela138 · 8 months

That goldfish looks terrified!

h2sbacteria · 8 months

face it guys, that fucking goldfish would've ratted him out... he really had no choice.

cramped · 8 months

The sheer scale of this crime is absurd.

rawrsaurus_rex · 8 months

Last witness killed: 1000 Bounty Removed

gaberax · 8 months

Dead fish tell no tales.

Koras · 8 months

It even looks sad :(

MadG · 8 months

Goldfish are notorious squealers.

grimfate · 8 months

the chickens are watchin

aquafox2011 · 8 months

Poor goldfish...

Soronir · 8 months

You don't wanna be the guy that went to prison because the goldfish identified you.

elvis1403 · 8 months

He had to fully commit at some point or risk getting caught.

chris8788 · 8 months

Rude

breeex · 8 months

Hey man, goldfish just can't be trusted.

nobody25864 · 8 months

Goldfish have a memory of like 5 seconds, it couldn't be a witness for long anyway. That, and it's a fish.

drawmesunshine · 8 months

Aww, I like goldfish.

ilikili · 8 months

Oh c'mon! Fish would have forgot by the time you're done reading this.

therealatri · 8 months

must have been an american dad fan

energy_engineer · 8 months

I like this planet - you leave!

Masturdate · 8 months

RIP Wanda 2010 - 2012

fatbob2 · 8 months

Think about it for a minute and imagine you're a dumbass burglar. You're constantly hearing about criminals being caught using forensic science that seems like magic. Every day you're hearing all kinds of science shit on the news that sounds like it's from Star Trek. You just don't know enough science to tell between CSI fantasy and reality.

What's to say that they don't have some sort of machine that can extract images from the brain of a goldfish? I'm a professional scientist and if I read about it in a journal tomorrow I'd think "sure, that figures".

This kid doesn't know a great deal about science, but as dumbasses go, he's a smart dumbass.

spritef · 8 months

unpossible someone is that dumb lol

Pilot824 · 8 months

This story did seem a little fishy to me

Sillylikeagoose · 8 months

At least they're thorough.

Beamoo · 8 months

Its like the goddamn horse in skyrim, always to get you caught!

Aarmed · 8 months

super secret extra bonus: you actually don't have to live on this planet

Time to man up.

eravulgaris · 8 months

It really happens. I know a kid (or well, he was a kid) who broke into a girl's house some years ago. He stole her tv, laptop, and some other valuables and killed her pet rabbit because he saw it as a witness. Fuck this world.

NPSlow · 8 months

There was a teen that broke into a girls house in my town (or maybe i read it on the internet, ugh). She tore up a bunch of CDs and smeared food on the wall, something about the girl living there owed her money. Before she left she put the girls kitten in the oven and turned it on. The story was so disgusting it almost made me cry.

theorys · 8 months

Some fuckwad I have never met or will ever meet does something stupid -- OMG I DON"T WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE.....

andyface · 8 months

Saddest looking goldfish ever :C

bigpaulo · 8 months

CATHCART TOWERS!

CaptainTeaBag24I7 · 8 months

On second thought.... I like this planet you get off!!

0c34n · 8 months

Don't you play koi with me!

NotSoNotoriusButBIG · 8 months

Why is every letter capitalized in the title? Reporter can't spell.

(Neither do I.)

FreePeteRose · 8 months

You must not have watched Dr. Suess, the gold fish is a snitch

Black_Gold · 8 months

Finally WTF worthy material.

GordoFreeman · 8 months

What kind of criminal would do that?

"OH hey that goldfish my rat me out to the cops, better take care of it."

I smell Onions.

senorchaos718 · 8 months

That's pretty funny actually.

Patacrow · 8 months

Guys the onion is fake. This is fake

mferrari3 · 8 months

Weird seeing your town on reddit. Especially in WTF.

agrosa · 8 months

Thug life.

Astograph · 8 months

NO WITNESSES!

somguy9 · 8 months

Man… this is much funnier then that angry girl on the "happy train" above here...

YGOnewguy · 8 months

just being thorough

giarc_depmarc · 8 months

Watched too much American Dad!

baljot187 · 8 months

I don't think it's possible to find a sadder goldfish

heerus · 8 months

is this the Onion?

batteripakke · 8 months

Honestly, what does this have to do in /r/WTF? /r/funny and /r/WTF are being mixed up a lot lately.

axeman157 · 8 months

At lease the "witness" was not a dog or a cat. This could've ended way worst.

-perfection- · 8 months

I don't know, the goldfish might have talked . . .

astrohelix · 8 months

"I'm sorry Gulpy, but I know what you saw."

cheejudo · 8 months

that shit is funny

ryanbytes · 8 months

When you pull the trigger don't screw up like Kruger did.

KoldStatic · 8 months

I clicked on this planning on writing a witty Skyrim reference, read a few comments and was apparently beat to it. So next best thing, its a fish, it would forget all about it in 3 seconds!

kyo3 · 8 months

Isn't it "Perry the platypus"?

lishka · 8 months

Cruel bastard.

lonnez · 8 months

its always the fish!

iwtkalag · 8 months

evil...

Delicous_Mix · 8 months

All our things were stolen in the blink of an eye and our goldfish..Just fucking watched.

anna57272 · 6 months

Well, this is just great. I now have something to remind me that my fish just died.

UncorkedChief3 · 8 months

"the 16-year-old faces cruelty to animals charges" they are just fish... people put hooks through them all the time, well not goldfish but fish.

TheDude- · 8 months

Jesus...

jwest86 · 8 months

Yeah, this isn't trolling. I think you're on to something. Keep asking questions, dig deeper! The turth is out there!!! DO do Do do Do doooo!!!!

bongtin · 8 months

How can someone so daft think up of a successful plan to burgle a house? WTF world

zclone11 · 8 months

Poor fish never stood a Chance..

Ameisen · 8 months

Arlington Heights? Not surprised.

Cknyc · 8 months

TIL the testimony of a gold fish will hold up in court... its not bad enough to rob their place, the guy has to kill their pet too?

MisterNiceGuy001 · 8 months

Cop: "one fish, two fish." removes cool sunglasses "...... Dead fish, blue fish."

[deleted] · 8 months

Relevant

Coldsource · 8 months

To be fair, some one in the distance future probably traveled back in time to undo a chain of events that would occur by not killing the fish. This future person would have some how talked to directly, or some how suggested to this teen to leave no witnesses. Apparently in the future, science has advanced to the point where we can peer into visual memories of the living and dead.

sammew · 8 months

Killing during the commision of a felony is first degree murder. They better but him away for 25 to life.

chillImAGuy · 8 months

so much sense.

CornHazard · 8 months

How do the cops know this if their lead witness is dead????

blzd4dyz · 8 months

He must have missed a goldfish, as he was obviously caught and questioned.

irjooo · 8 months

I would of fish napped instead.

barbequelove · 8 months

cant tell if cops stupid or teen stupid

JellyCream · 8 months

Sounds like this Mensa member was watching Psychic Pet Detective.

WobsJack · 8 months

He probably tried to drown it.

HedgeMayweather · 8 months

I have to applaud his attention to detail.

sharoku · 8 months

Did he drown it?

arseiam · 8 months

I don't want to live on this planet anymore

DAE think that this is a stupid expression? particularly when applied to the realization that there are even stupider people around (i.e. stupid enough to think that a fish can be witness to a crime).

"I don't want to live on this planet anymore"... good, I don't want you on this planet either. Maybe then we'll have slightly less mindless trivial shit.

12_Baconed_Narwhals · 8 months

ooh, killed a gold fish, you're so hardcore... fucking wangsters

EmperorSofa · 8 months

ITT: Nobody has figured out yet that the kid is just being a little shit and fucking with the cops about why he killed the fish. Or some dumb-ass and or literal minded guy actually took him seriously when he spitefully said that he didn't want any witnesses.

Pronkers · 8 months

Not bad.

bootleric63 · 8 months

snakeseare · 8 months

Better than cutting out your rape victim's tongue so she can't talk to the police.

Obscure?

fellownord · 8 months

Goldfish have a memory span of three seconds. Just sayin.

zamadaga · 8 months

[deleted]

[deleted] · 8 months

that is sad. rip gold fish. dude sounds like a future shizo fer sure.

Fuego247 · 8 months

I saw this on the onion.

[deleted] · 8 months

This reminds me; I need to take a photo of my goldfish looking sad in case he is killed in a break in.

edit: found out Goldfish is actually female.

dm;hs

ForgettableUsername · 8 months

If he'd only known how difficult it is to get goldfish to testify in court.

ced1106 · 8 months

My ol' math teacher said that you should take kids when they're five and lock 'em up in a freezer until they're 21. Sounds good to me.

Vikaroo · 8 months

I'm more worried about my pets being killed by a burglar than my stuff being taken, take my stuff, just leave my pets!

snakeEatingItself · 8 months

Dammit, couldn't he have just waited 3 seconds?

[deleted] · 8 months

BITCH

that fucking bitch

Metallovingent · 8 months

This picture is from a very long time ago

Yojimbe · 8 months

Then you should kill yourself.

acet1 · 8 months

That goldfish just looks so sad...

agrassman · 8 months

Someones been playing skyrim

rr_at_reddit · 8 months

... cops say.

What's your point? "Cops are stupid and assholes" was almost the first thing I was told as a child.

As of teenagers... I had to learn that on my own... Glad I'm still here ;)

h34dyr0kz · 8 months

As someone from Arlington Heights i apologize for many of the people that we have spawned. on the plus side we got this catchy ass song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKe7S6XOuAo

El_Zorro09 · 8 months

Oh god, I laughed. I'm sorry, I laughed. So hard.

FormerlyEAbernathy · 8 months

Does he play Skyrim?

asap77 · 8 months

must have watched too much too much "american dad"

speedlimit65 · 8 months

Too much Skyrim.

Bahamut966 · 8 months

That's pretty fuckin funny.

frugal99 · 8 months

I'm seriously glad I live where I do.

WTF

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