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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]salmiakki 196 points197 points ago

[–]dressiertugboat 238 points239 points ago

Shit, I could have sworn it was from the book "Folk Tales I Just Made Up While Smoking Weed".

[–]CorkyKribler 66 points67 points ago

I don't know man. I am pretty baked right now and I am having a hard time processing the original story. I don't think I could make something like this up right now! Jesus, it took me like 10 minutes to type these sentences.

[–]jjk 21 points22 points ago*

<3

If only there was a device, right, that could translate your thoughts directly into words.

I know that came off sarcastic-like - 'keyboard durr durr (or larynx/tongue, I suppose)' - but seriously if I could have transcripts of all the amazing, profound, ridiculous shit that has gone through my mind while altered, the world would have conquered itself by now. And I'd be able to sit in a garden all day.

Perfect memory is the best super-power.

Actually someone on reddit once described a super power I might actually choose above perfect memory, but I forget now what it was.

[–]des-C 23 points24 points ago

You are just as high.

[–]offtheheazy6 3 points4 points ago

dude I wish I had perfect memory...you would be able to understand yourself perfectly and remember every day you ever lived. Every morning that I wake up I feel like I forget everything and have to forcefully recall what my life was like 2 weeks ago.

[–]I_am_hacked 4 points5 points ago

There are people with perfect memory, look it up. But they are scarred for life because they remember horrible memories forever.

[–]0goober0 4 points5 points ago

Do you mind if I steal that title for my upcoming best-seller that I haven't started writing yet?

[–]aazav 17 points18 points ago

Thank you. May your nostrils be unmolested by the twin ghost penii of the unmarried ancient dead priest.

[–]It_is_Cold 7 points8 points ago

Thank you for that

[–]pimpdawg2010 7 points8 points ago

Ahhhh! It's from Korea! NOW it makes sense!

[–]whatknockers 18 points19 points ago

y so expensive?!?!

[–]ashleymorris 26 points27 points ago

It's a textbook for college courses.

[–]Lessbeans 14 points15 points ago

Serious? That's one of the most poorly written paragraphs I have read in recent years.

[–]ashleymorris 27 points28 points ago

The tales are told orally, and then written down verbatim to preserve the integrity of the tale. Some of them are centuries old and translated from different languages, so they're not exactly eloquent.

[–]grizzsaw12 7 points8 points ago

I took a course where this was a required textbook! Read the two penis myth before i knew about r/WTF... Oh the potential karma!

[–]derptyherp 1 point2 points ago

This is hilarious. The book seems like such a legit thing too.

[–]ashleymorris 3 points4 points ago

It's actually really good. It was a required text for a folklore course I took in college, I think I read the entire thing cover to cover by the second week of class. So much crazy shit in there.

[–]jbredditor 1 point2 points ago

Took a Jewish Folklore class in college, and we talked about Dorson. Apparently he's big in the folklore world. In the book I read, there were some equally messed up things, but since it was Jewish Folklore, I just assumed it was all written by Woody Allen and left it at that.

[–]chaiteabro 1 point2 points ago

This book was my library in middle school. My humanities teacher brought in books from the library to do an assignment and two of my friends and I read through this one. It's a Korean folklore... Funny thing is my friends and I are Korean and we were all like WTF?!

[–]porkchap 668 points669 points ago

Seems legit to me

[–]btwomfgstfu 551 points552 points ago

it's a in a book. it has to be true.

[–]dressiertugboat 85 points86 points ago

This made me think of the House Hippo commercials that used to run in Canada that was supposed to teach kids (and their parents) to think critically about what they see in the media. I knew people who were mad that they didn't exist.

WOOSH.

[–]iverific 62 points63 points ago

I can't believe that some people still try to deny the existence of house hippos!

[–]peaceinthenight 20 points21 points ago

to those wondering, here's the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBfi8OEz0rA

and another great canadian psa: "a song about eating things that don't belong inside you"

[–]D0BS0N 4 points5 points ago

I instantly remembered that song when I read your link. Those puppets creeped me the hell out when I was a kid. Remember the drug song?

[–]peaceinthenight 7 points8 points ago

those puppets creeped me out when i was a kid and still do today. i want to set them on fire.. but i'm worried that the fire will do nothing to stop them o_o

[–]Wondering_Wandering 1 point2 points ago

Oh there's one that's about turning off your poison taps at night too. It's pretty great i'll try and find it.

[–]TheNinjaBear 1 point2 points ago

Good god! Someone make science get to work on teeny tiny hippos!

[–]theecigarman 1 point2 points ago

Now I NEED a house hippo!! Damn!

[–]almikez 116 points117 points ago

"and looked very hard" pun intended in the book?

[–]capnsouth 37 points38 points ago

they are everywhere, pun humor nose no bounds.

[–]daveyp2tm 8 points9 points ago

Let snot do this

[–]lordofALLsquirrels 2 points3 points ago

I scents the beginning of a terrible thread...

[–]daveyp2tm 2 points3 points ago

It's such a sneasy target for jokes.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]H8rade 54 points55 points ago

When you come to the fork in the road, fuck it.

[–]djnap 10 points11 points ago

if you cum to the fork in the road, didn't you already fuck it?

[–]snapundersteer 137 points138 points ago

[–]fap_de_oaid 88 points89 points ago

I expected a ghost fucking a guy with two dicks in the nose.

[–]Broduski 36 points37 points ago

Not sure if I should upvote because relevant

Or downvote because disgustingly weird.

[–]Shark_Kicker 25 points26 points ago

I upvoted for the relevant username.

[–]FinderOfNemo 2 points3 points ago

Well, it's only relevant because that's all he posts.

[–]wallacdu 15 points16 points ago

"What would you do if you had won a million dollars?"

[–]razmathazmat 3 points4 points ago

[–]UsernameRoy 13 points14 points ago

Two many dicks!

[–]MayorBee 15 points16 points ago

On the dance floor.

[–]genZislost 3 points4 points ago

nice try, r/spacedicks

[–]War_Eagle 13 points14 points ago

ಠ_ಠ

[–]karmalounge 2 points3 points ago

So when your child has a cold... http://i.imgur.com/OhbsB.jpg

[–]ZenaLundgren 4 points5 points ago

That has to be shopped, nothing could be that glorious. Srsly though is that real? I really hope so.

[–]givesmewings8 1 point2 points ago

He even used their and there correctly!

[–]iFuckingLoveUnicorns 199 points200 points ago

so what does sneezing represent then? o_O

[–]snatchamike 547 points548 points ago

The ghost has just brought your nose to a body jolting orgasm.

[–]0147 229 points230 points ago

That's why I love sneezing!

[–]gormlesser 148 points149 points ago

I can't have a nasal orgasm from nostril penetration alone. I need extensive nasalingus as well. A lot of people are the same way, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[–]8258851511 44 points45 points ago

There are dozens of us! Dozens!

[–]thezoetrope 20 points21 points ago

upvote for nasalingus

[–]WesTheMage 1 point2 points ago

Isn't N. Asel Angus the cousin of Colonel Angus?

[–]HunterTV 100 points101 points ago

THE MORE YOU KNOW ----*

[–]TheOthin 17 points18 points ago

So that's how it's three-seventeenths of an orgasm or whatever fraction they're going with now!

[–]AlphaEridani 9 points10 points ago

Well, the ghost must really find me hot then. And my doctor tried to claim my uncontrollable sneezes were allergies or something.. Bastard!

[–]Jackstick 21 points22 points ago

birth control

[–]richard_photograph 55 points56 points ago

so is picking your nose like abortion?

[–]SmoSays 41 points42 points ago

Only people who have regular nosebleeds can get pregnant.

[–]PhallogicalScholar 3 points4 points ago

Off to /r/nocontext with ye

[–]TsarCastic 21 points22 points ago

Don't sneeze! It's against the Bible!

[–]Razer1103 8 points9 points ago

Bless your face.

[–]OmegaArcadia 37 points38 points ago

Ectoplasm.

[–]Texas_Aristocrat 31 points32 points ago

Ectojism

[–]NowThisIsHappening 82 points83 points ago

Ectogasm.

[–]TakenakaHanbei 11 points12 points ago

Ectjaculation.

[–]jakesalive 22 points23 points ago

And then there's people who are wildly aroused by lists with vague endings.

Etcjaculation.

[–]bearchubs 22 points23 points ago

People who describe their pun

Ectsplainers

[–]helicalhell 13 points14 points ago*

Gag reflex from being deep-nostrilled obviously.

Edit: edit.

[–]NowISeeTheFunnySide 1 point2 points ago

And so when I blow my nose...is that a blowjob?

[–]gordeaoux 24 points25 points ago

From the bonobos section on the same page: "Or after a female hits a juvenile, the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor, an action that is immediately followed by genital rubbing between the two adults."

[–]StrangeArrangement 65 points66 points ago

"You just hit my child. Let's scissor till the break of dawn."

[–]fritzcharleston 4 points5 points ago

I'm going to save this comment.

[–]eudaimonean 4 points5 points ago

The bonobos have it figured out. Rubbing naughty bits is the best way to smooth over social conflicts.

Throw an apple into the middle of a group of chimps, and you get a massive brawl over the apple. Throw an apple into the middle of a group of bonobos, and you get an orgy.

[–]SirRain 79 points80 points ago

THAT'S NOT FUN

[–]aldld 25 points26 points ago

It is if you're a gay dolphin.

[–]slatterboy 6 points7 points ago

They're all gay? If not they're sharks? Right? RIGHT?! DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME

[–]Pinyaka 6 points7 points ago

I disagree.

[–]funkymonk17 2 points3 points ago

you must not be doing it right. you can achieve a wicked orgasm by rubbing the b-spot. you can find it by sticking your finger up your nose and feeling around until you feel the soft, spongy area. not to mention, the nasal passage is really tight and pleasurable for the giver. it may require some stretching though.

the ear canal is another access point for the b-spot however, earwax makes a horrible lubricant and the first time requires "popping the drum," as the kids call it, and can be a great cause of discomfort for the receiver.

[–]RamblesTheGoat 35 points36 points ago

I bet he found a lot of girls who fit the criteria but they didn't want him because his penis could fit in a nostril.

[–]likwitsnake 20 points21 points ago

Is this from the same book as that witch/broom post?

[–]war_whale 20 points21 points ago

Everyone needs stronger google fu.

[–]tooyoung_tooold 10 points11 points ago

i keep thinking "google can't make life any better".....but they find a way every time. i mean books on the internet?!? google you sly dog you.

[–]perahan 1 point2 points ago

this folklore is from Korea? never heard a god damn story in my fucking life, and i heard of a story with King with schlong so big it touches his chin. THE FUCK

[–]seattleque 66 points67 points ago

Runny nose...that's how you know your hooker is full.

[–]dressiertugboat 25 points26 points ago

AAAAAAAAAH GROSS WHY

[–]oivitz 9 points10 points ago

You're on /r/WTF. What were you expecting?

[–]KnowledgeRuinsFun 37 points38 points ago

He should have gone for Marsupials

[–]REDDIT_HARD_MODE 17 points18 points ago

You know, I could have gone my whole life without knowing that.

[–]chazzlabs 3 points4 points ago

Good thing I paused my Google Web history this afternoon.

[–]TomB69 4 points5 points ago

what the fuck did i just read?

[–]Whybanme 32 points33 points ago

Double vagina?

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points ago

what does it mean?

[–]ramchompski 46 points47 points ago

all the way across the sky!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]dressiertugboat 4 points5 points ago

Very well placed, good on you.

[–]CuteMuffin23 32 points33 points ago

Hahaha i have a runny nose right now. . .

[–]dressiertugboat 22 points23 points ago

I have the HARDEST boner right now.

[–]Madonkadonk 33 points34 points ago

I have the HARDEST boners right now

[–]whiterabbi 12 points13 points ago

Damn, I have a really bad nosebleed right now. So then, how did that happen?

[–]memobookchick 22 points23 points ago

He took your nose's virginity.

[–]ksweezyy 34 points35 points ago

You're on your period.

[–]carlosmachina 1 point2 points ago

The prince likes it rough from time to time...

[–]Rensouken 78 points79 points ago

I must protest, woman do exist with two vaginas.

Source:

[–]xiaorobear 79 points80 points ago

The tale doesn't say they don't exist, just that the kingdom didn't find one in his son's lifetime. Seems legit to me.

[–]CannedBeef 49 points50 points ago

Checkmate, atheists!

[–]mroglolblo 204 points205 points ago

Love when stuff as hot as this is talked about in a manner of fact "adult" way. In grade 8 I had this hot French teacher from France who was in her late 20's who taught French and French immersion and also taught health. There was a lot on sexuality in our textbooks and she was very free with relating everything to her own sex life with her husband, forelplay, positions oral sex, orgasms etc. and didn't think anything of it, but it pretty much blew every guy in our classes minds. Remember one class after she talked about her first time masturbating me and 4 of my friends all made a beeline for the bathroom and pretty much all of us knew what was up and laughed before each taking a stall and all yelled "godfuckingdammit!!!" and variations when we all furiously ejaculated at the same time after about 20 seconds.

[–]randomgaythoughts 82 points83 points ago

Were the orgasms more powerful because you were aware of your friend squelching at their powerful throbbing members and that they were aware of you doing the same? This probably led to an auto-erotic feedback and culminated into an explosion of man juice overflowing into your fists while you rejoiced in this ultimate triumph of shared manhood and brotherly respect. /no homo.

[–]dioxholster 17 points18 points ago

they ejaculated in unison. Its a circlejerk chorus, very artful.

[–]richunclesam 4 points5 points ago

Is it gay if?

[–]LordLittlefinger 44 points45 points ago

Here we have what is probably mroglolblo's least WTF post.

[–]fonetiklee 2 points3 points ago

OH, THAT EXPLAINS IT. That's it, I'm finally breaking down and tagging this guy.

[–]scix 100 points101 points ago

Wat.

I'm just going to upvote, and move along.

[–]lordlicorice 34 points35 points ago

What else can you do?

[–]jakesalive 46 points47 points ago

Make a beeline for the bathroom...

[–]PureQuixotry 11 points12 points ago

godfuckingdammit!!!

[–]M3nt0R 17 points18 points ago

Just uh...I just wanted to say..it's "matter of fact".

Everything else checks out, though.

[–]dressiertugboat 17 points18 points ago

Hahaha man, me and my friends never took it to the "let's jerk off in unison" level, but I know the feel.

[–]ThisIsOffensive 12 points13 points ago

Il faix chaux!

[–]mroglolblo 14 points15 points ago

Haha, remember she specifically warned us against using that phrase cause it could be misinterpreted as "I'm horny."

[–]ThisIsOffensive 3 points4 points ago

Thats not a misinterpretation...

[–]mroglolblo 12 points13 points ago

That's true, but we had just learned that chaud=hot and it was spring and a very pretty girl kept fanning herself and going "il faix chaux!" and our teacher said "uhhh, you probably don't want to say that around people who are fluent in French" and explained why and the girl went beet red.

[–]follish 7 points8 points ago

I thought it was the other way around... If you were to say "je suis chaud" you'd be saying I'm hot (you might think) but it's really "I'm horny." To say "I feel warm" you'd say "J'ai chaud" (literally "I have warm") Il fait beau means it's nice out, il fait chaud or il fait froid means it's warm or cold.

At least that's how I remember it. Now I have to go check...

[–]YAERWHAT 3 points4 points ago

C'mon guys! Mr. Oglolblo is the man!

[–]CptOblivion 6 points7 points ago

"stuff as hot as this" meaning "stuff that's pretty weird but not really hot at all."

[–]ZenaLundgren 2 points3 points ago

Four guys jerking off/ejaculating together is pretty fucking hot.

Oh right... maybe you're referring to the rest of the crap he wrote about.

[–]mogul218 1 point2 points ago

[–]Homepie 23 points24 points ago

A vagina and a vulva are two different things, you should know.

[–]Geranyl 13 points14 points ago

Though it says one of the "motifs" is "double vagina."

[–]sandman369 16 points17 points ago

Double vagina, all the way across the sky! What does it mean??

[–]Zepheus 2 points3 points ago

What if he found a girl with two vulvas but only one vagina? He'd be very disappointed on his wedding night.

[–]had3l 21 points22 points ago*

Man, I still don't understand how that would look. Any pictures?

EDIT: Found it http://i.imgur.com/eKKdw.jpg (NSFW of course)

[–]silvercookie 2 points3 points ago

Looking at a double vag doesn't bother me. Surgical gloves and the general medical quality of the photo gives me the heebeejeebees, though.

[–]Zarokima 9 points10 points ago

Yeah, no proof, so that is entirely bullshit.

'I just want to be left alone.'

Then why the fuck are you telling everybody?

[–]Remilla 3 points4 points ago

I was hoping someone would link that so I didn't have to type that into Google.

[–]a_derp_in_thailand 7 points8 points ago

she's hot...

[–]infinitude 1 point2 points ago

It's like I don't want to know what it'd look like, but really I do... but really I don't.

[–]Mongoose42 10 points11 points ago

So snot is ghost cum. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

[–]Shinden9 6 points7 points ago

source in entirety For anyone who is more interested.

[–]Mellowde 9 points10 points ago

Repost to r/todayilearned

[–]Bthulhu 10 points11 points ago

Why didn't he just put the other penis up her butt?

[–]stompythebeast 2 points3 points ago

This guy. This guy right here. This guy is a survivor, a primeval beast that will ascend through the fog of evolution and inherit all the butts.

[–]emilysnapple 3 points4 points ago

THEN WHO WAS NOSE?

[–]Skatergonnaskate 3 points4 points ago

What. The. Fuck.

[–]flint148 4 points5 points ago

Man, I really hope I don't think of this every time I have a cold and/or a runny nose.

[–]CommanderSlash 2 points3 points ago

Looks like he didn't have a ghost of a chance

[–]Snoogliebear 3 points4 points ago

His winkies must have been teeny to fit up nostrils.

[–]Spawn666 2 points3 points ago

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat explains everything!

[–]Alascar 2 points3 points ago

I just got a cold today... I feel violated .__.

[–]bh122 2 points3 points ago

[–]urnbabyurn 2 points3 points ago

This must be a translation from Japanese.

[–]emilliolongwood 2 points3 points ago

Why didn't he just use the... "other" vagina? Double penetration, problem solved.

EDIT: I'm talking about "the asshole."

[–][deleted] ago*

[deleted]

[–]WeatherResize 2 points3 points ago

[–]spongesam 2 points3 points ago

What the HECK.

[–]willyolio 2 points3 points ago

TIL:

  • my nose is a double vagina
  • "extraordinary penis" can also mean very thin; i.e. nostril-sized
  • when my nose is stuffed, it's because a ghost-penis is inside my nose.
  • boogers are ghost penis ejaculate.

[–]sanhozay 2 points3 points ago

my nose is getting fucked right now ಠ_ಠ

[–]jimitonic 1 point2 points ago

Seems legit.

[–]Greasy 1 point2 points ago

Reminds me of Screwy Dick.

[–]Lettucex 1 point2 points ago

He must love my nose then. It runs all the time. Every day.

[–]WIZARD_NUTZ 1 point2 points ago

Fapped.

[–]GrandChawhee 1 point2 points ago

Hahaha. Wut.

[–]bitchteacher 1 point2 points ago

Another realistic bible passage.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

Since nobody will stoop to this level, I'll say it. He's got some pretty small penises.

[–]blacktaxi2d 1 point2 points ago

then why not just go DP on the same girl ?

[–]SlumLordJake 1 point2 points ago

Geez this must have been long ago for this kid to never try dp

[–]Shinden9 1 point2 points ago

Are those names... Korean?

God damn it, this goes up there with the story that their nation was founded by a half-bear man.

[–]Mephibosheth 1 point2 points ago

My cousin Rayray seen it happen.

[–]weirdhobo 1 point2 points ago

DOUBLE VAGINA

[–]madeofghosts 1 point2 points ago

Motifs are A1337.0.2 "Disease caused by ghosts"; F547.3 "Extraordinary penis"; and F547.5.4 "Double vagina."

http://i.imgur.com/VyiIC.png

[–]drteeths 1 point2 points ago

And I can't get published. Fuck you world.

[–]WeaponsGradeHumanity 1 point2 points ago

"Wow, that's quite an act. What do you call it?"

[–]ThisIsOffensive 2 points3 points ago

The aristocrats!

[–]ThisIsOffensive 1 point2 points ago

So kleenex really were made for semen. I always found it odd how well they worked.

[–]JuicyGonorrheaNodule 1 point2 points ago

Dammit I picked the wrong day to come down with a cold.

[–]CoolStoryBraaaah 1 point2 points ago

tl;dr?

[–]theshannons 1 point2 points ago

One of Santorum's lesser known scientific papers.

[–]Tfactor128 1 point2 points ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[–]gmurt 1 point2 points ago

Congratulations WTF.

[–]aiden93 1 point2 points ago

I was just thinking of asking reddit today why noses run. I don't feel like doing this anymore.

[–]bmlbytes 1 point2 points ago

You have singlehandedly made getting a cold about 1000 times worse. The next time I get a cold, I will think about a 2-dicked ghost raping my nostrils.

[–]toastrainbow 1 point2 points ago

Makes sense!

[–]jenjey93 1 point2 points ago

um.

[–]duhduhduhduhduh 1 point2 points ago

Y U NO HAVE SEX WITH BUTT AND VAGINA? 2 PENISES + 2 HOLES = STILL OK.

[–]sbroue 1 point2 points ago

does japan know about this?

[–]Cruyff14 1 point2 points ago

Cummy nose

[–]MatimusG 1 point2 points ago

what book is that?

[–]9001 1 point2 points ago

If they fit in people's nostrils, I think one vulva would have sufficed.

[–]mihipse 1 point2 points ago

sounds legit

[–]FatMansPants 1 point2 points ago

Why didn't the King just find a girl that does DP ....... Sweeeeet !!!