What my cat does at night

fuckunt · 9 months

I know what mine does. She fucking scratches our wardrobe door then jumps on the bed and purrs loudly into my ear, rubbing her stupid wet nose all over my face.

Edibleface · 9 months

passive aggressive purring. meow to be let in bedroom. meow to be let out of bedroom. meow to have door opened to stand in doorway. meow because she meowed.

Me-Wow

Psythik · 9 months

Now you know.

tomasziam · 9 months

Mine masturbates into wads of Kleenex and then leaves them on the computer desk for my roommate to find...

Willowmound · 9 months

Knowing something of cats, it probably involves a lot of sitting around in different spots, sniffing things and maybe tasting them, running away because someone opened a door and hunkering down under cars for hours at a time. Then home in time for morning cuddles and snacks.

TimeTravelMishap · 9 months

Vomits in obscure places in the apt so you wont find it till long after it has dried. That's what they do. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

bravoredditbravo · 9 months

I've always imagined some sort of block party with all the other cats in the neighborhood. Thats why she sleeps all day

Zelpst · 9 months

Obviously, they run around putting their butts on everything. Put some lipstick on that thing next time you want to decorate for Christmas......little asterisk shaped snowflakes everywhere.

inuyome1008 · 9 months

Mine sleeps right next to the crook my body makes while I'm sleeping. I don't move when I go to sleep so I wake up and she's still right where I left her. She's a good cat :)

SuperDuper-C · 9 months

I've woke up one night to see at least 8 other cats circled around mine in my garden. Not threatening or anything, more like they we're having a silent meeting.

KingNick · 9 months

My fat fuck that poses as a Maine Coon?

She sleeps right next to the left side of my head. Taking my left arm and pretty much hugging it between her paws, she snores and drools all over my hand.

Then, when I finally get to sleep...she wakes me up my meowing right in my fucking face at around 3:30am because my door is only cracked, and not wide the fuck open for her majesty to waltz through...only to wildly meow on the other side of the door when she realizes she's now by herself.

God damnit I love that fucking cat to pieces :,)

Kitty_party · 9 months

Secret kitty things.

kx2w · 9 months

It's fucked up. The later I stay awake the more dormant they seem, but if I 'go to sleep' and come out 20 minutes later they're guaranteed to be in some weird spot with that "what have I done??" guilty look on their face.

Uberslaughter · 9 months

The same thing they do every night, Pinky.

eXXaXion · 9 months

Where I live you can hear the cats fighting deadly battles all night long. They scream in pain, rage and pure agony alike rangig from 'meiowowowow' to 'meiarararogw'. When I look out the window the next morning I see no cat bodies nor any blood. This is what really scares me.

NaturalLogofOne · 9 months

He's plotting.

simplystunned · 9 months

I'll tell you what they do - they puke.

From someone with 3 cats.

Alexfollett93 · 9 months

My cat leaves me treats, so considerate I always wanted a dead mouse.

CharlieisonReddit · 9 months

Sleeps on my head :)

Tuskuul · 9 months

mine sleeps like a log next to me and usually uses my arm as a pillow.

i_say_andmyaxe · 9 months

My male cat will run downstairs and start meowing loudly until I acknowledge him. He will then shortly run back upstairs and jump up on our bed and sleep. Even if I bring him up stairs with me, and place him on the bed, he still will run down and do his little routine. I have no idea

obxfisher · 9 months

You and me both. I always hear a bunch of noise in my living room when Im in bed, go out to investigate what the hell he's up to, and he's just sitting there on the couch, staring at me.

Or after watching a scary movie, Ill be laying in bed thinking about it and thats when he decides to jump up on my bed right in front of my eyes. Scares the shit out of me every damned time.

My cat is an asshole

finalcloud33 · 9 months

Mine does something really weird... He takes the a arm chair covers and leaves them in front of my bedroom door or in the bathroom. I call them his "kills".

nebbish · 9 months

My sister's cat came home one morning wearing a different collar

djstephaniebell · 9 months

mine sleeps. she sleeps next to me so im pretty sure she rarely gets up. i know this because she tries to kill me when I wake up to pee

twilightmoons · 9 months

Lucky you.

Mine try to get into the closet, whine for attention and head scratching at the side of the bed, but generalized and very loud "I'm bored" or "I just dropped a massive dookie in the litter box - come see!" yowling at 2am...

Worse is when they don't bury their turds... and the smell hits you from across the house and wakes you from a rather nice sleep.

I hate that a lot.

StoryGopher · 9 months

Brushes his fur allll night so its extra soft the next morning.

glitterandgore · 9 months

Mine sniffs my face and scares the crap out of me with her whiskers. They feel like spiders on my face. WHY DOES SHE SNIFF MY FACE EVERY NIGHT!?!

footinmymouth · 9 months

My cat practices his sprints from one side of the apartment to the other. It drove me nuts when my wife had a bell on his collar, more bell ringing than the Salvation Army.

jzzsxm · 9 months

Mine knocks everything I own off of every surface in my apartment.

Shamasu · 9 months

http://www.thinkgeek.com/electronics/cameras-photography/afbc/#tabs

zamboniman46 · 9 months

The rule the house.

When i first met my girlfriend's new cat it was terrified of me. Fast forward 2 days and i was super sick after falling asleep on her couch for bed and its like it could sense i was sick. i hadnt seen the thing it 2 days. but suddenly i was sick and it just took back the house. we were buds by the time i had to go back home 2 days later

hdbham · 9 months

Hint.

trustedsource · 9 months

farts.

colinodell · 9 months

They plan and scheme.

jezmaster · 9 months

attach a digital camera to its collar, set to take pictures at regular intervals.

[deleted] · 9 months

Sits in dark corners then runs loudly to another dark corner were she sits. Rinse and repeat...all night.

esotericlight · 9 months

Fights crime of course..

snap_wilson · 9 months

I know what ours does, because she won't stop running around like a little hellion, knocking shit over at three in the morning.

Extrix · 9 months

I am interested in recording my room while I'm sleeping to see what my cat does, but I'm not interested in witnessing paranormal activity.

THECapedCaper · 9 months

Easy. It's being a little fucker!

brash · 9 months

Things my cats do when left to their own devices:

sleep
eat
chew on houseplants
stare out the window

[deleted] · 9 months

My cats sleep peacefully all day until they see my eyes close and then they turn the entire house into their personal Thunderdome. They play and fight and scratch and jump off of things all night and settle back down to sleep when I drag my tired ass out of bed. I love those little assholes.

xoxoyris · 9 months

Mine find the NOISIEST things to play with.

loaft · 9 months

me and my friend had a discussion the other day, when his cat decided to follow us to the convenience store. So we were wondering, what if we strap some sort of gps on it and watch its route during it's vigilante night life.

midas22 · 9 months

I know what my cat does at night, she uses my face as a stepping stone to get to the water or leftover food that I sometimes keep on the nightstand.

asterix299 · 9 months

Mine goes outside to slaughter small animals. Her favorite are baby bunnies.

RadioHitandRun · 9 months

our cat used to chase a rubber bounce ball across the kitchen floor. you just hear it occasionally rolling and bouncing across the floor.

PrimeTime123 · 9 months

I am 100% sure that my cat sleeps through the whole night right next to me. But then again, who knows?

Salacha · 9 months

Judging by the mouse carcasses on the porch I know exactly what they do. Which also scares me.

madplayshd · 9 months

Hmm, this weekend, again, I am sleeping on my best friends couch. He has to cats. They perceive you as a static object while hiding behind and running around you at night.

[deleted] · 9 months

Gee what do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, try to take over the world!

grinsekatze · 9 months

mine puurs and pukes. i know. i heard her.

captmonkey · 9 months

Mine desperately tries to get the closet door open, like the fate of the world depended on getting in there. It sounds like a pair of shoes in a dryer.

eyecite · 9 months

you think this is

not a motherfucking game?

tinyirishgirl · 9 months

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Vocalities · 9 months

I know what my cat does. She knocks over the water feeder I use for my dogs.

Wusch · 9 months

I bet that's what the government thinks... but it doesn't have one citizen...

schmag · 9 months

I know what my cat does at night.

bites my feet. causing a pasteurella infection. causing me to go to the doctor to have my foot cut on to remove dead flesh and then take antibiotics for another month!!!!

omnilynx · 9 months

I do, because she does it on top of me.

yoshortyb · 9 months

Dude protectors...

katey1801 · 9 months

That's why we have cameras.

russiangn · 9 months

Or, what my cat does all day while I'm at work.

BCP6J9YqYF6xDbB3 · 9 months

Mine just sleeps on the bed. Doesn't move all night.

2sourapples · 9 months

here you go

docacula · 9 months

You may want to check out this music video. It's from a band called Superchunk and the song is Crossed Wires. I think it answers your question.

joinpanda · 9 months

Hey kids cats aren't house pets.

foundtheseeker · 9 months

I think you speak for all of us. Hear hear!

kendranot · 9 months

some nights, i don't sleep, and i STILL don't know what the cats are doing or where they go. they're indoor cats.

[deleted] · 9 months

Hmm....

sulkee · 9 months

Probably pretends its on the hunt like a stealthy panther.

Conexion · 9 months

Red's the perfect text color to use here.

Spants23 · 9 months

Mine lays at the end of my bed like a cinder block and crushes my feet

betterthanthee · 9 months

your cat rapes you

vapooriser · 9 months

Sleeps...

[deleted] · 9 months

and this cat looks almost exactly like my cat...

beakybal4 · 9 months

Isn't it obvious? They plan Rick Santorum's speeches.

Justavian · 9 months

Since they sleep 16 to 20 hours per day, most of what your cat does at night is probably sleep.

Jaimizzle14 · 9 months

As an extremely playful kitten owner, I approve this message. I'm not even sure she sleeps.

TellYouWhut · 9 months

It does this

REDDIT_HARD_MODE · 9 months

Check your basement for summoning circles.

WalrusKaput · 9 months

[deleted]

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