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top 200 commentsshow all 423

[–]flavarnovich 406 points407 points ago

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Like a dog chasing a car, what does he do with it once he's caught it?

[–]kerosion 117 points118 points ago

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As I drove into the parking lot of a waterfront harbor restaurant, a buddy of mine jumped out of the passenger seat of my car and managed to catch a seagull. Triumphant he held the stunned and clearly disgruntled gull aloft as three restaurant employees on their smoke breaks behind the building cheered him on. So what happens next? I'll tell you what happens next.

The seagull turns its head around and bites his lip clean through.

What also happens is I collapse to the ground laughing so hard I can't breathe. The restaurant employees all collapse looking like a grenade just went off in the middle of them. By far one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

TL;DR - He gets stitches once he's caught it. Seagulls bite hard.

[–]cortana 39 points40 points ago

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Now if you had a gif of THIS, the karma would be immeasurable.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Actually with the new reddit karma key it will be equivalent to a picture of a cute busty girl holding a cat

[–]nzerguy 229 points230 points ago

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He goes to lie down so I'm guessing sex.

[–]randomclock 72 points73 points ago

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DM;HS?

[–]DoctorLexus 325 points326 points ago

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Doesn't matter; had seagull?

[–]cananagram 240 points241 points ago

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[–]A_glorious_dawn 84 points85 points ago

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Wait.........What?

[–]cananagram 168 points169 points ago

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It's an anagram of the comment I replied to, complete with picture I made to go with it.

[–]sirwillis 56 points57 points ago

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Keep up the good work

[–]ThaBomb 10 points11 points ago

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Keep up the God work

[–]RaySmoodiver 6 points7 points ago

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You are doing God's work.

[–]cananagram 97 points98 points ago

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A sodomy river Just for that I did your user name :)

[–]source_code 23 points24 points ago

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i'd rather have seen the lesbian forest

[–]rhllor 11 points12 points ago

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Needs more santorum.

[–]majaiku 8 points9 points ago

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I think I like this one slightly less.

[–]tigerbam 3 points4 points ago

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Deliverance

[–]huntgrav 1 point2 points ago

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69 points. no upvote for you.

[–]orange_jooze 2 points3 points ago

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I don't know why, but I'm ok with this being posted.

Especially if you tell me more about 12 and 24.

[–]ledzep4life 2 points3 points ago

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I too would like to know more about 24.

[–]SchruteFruit 10 points11 points ago

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He sees seagulls by the seashore, he sees seagulls by the seashore.

[–]zedoktar 21 points22 points ago

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He screws seagulls by the seashore.

[–]Dogsafe 36 points37 points ago

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Same thing you do if you catch a pigeon. Shit on its head.

[–]Aetern1ty 25 points26 points ago

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Eat it?

[–]joke-away 81 points82 points ago

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You can't eat seagull. I mean, you can, but it's disgusting. They are rats of the sky. All they eat all day is garbage. They taste of seawater and garbage. And there's hardly any meat on them. And it's illegal.

[–]carlsaischa 106 points107 points ago

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You know too much about seagull meat.

[–]joke-away 122 points123 points ago

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Once a month, every new crop of redditors has this brilliant idea, and it's up to me to sit down and have the seagull meat conversation with them.

[–]sizzlekid 10 points11 points ago

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TIL those majestic white squawkers are the rats of the sky.

[–]jaap424 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah its strange that pigeons always get the rat of the sky moniker but at least pigeons are edible and they supposedly don't taste like garbage or seawater.

[–]Berticus88 2 points3 points ago

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Garbage or seawater? Far from it. Think texture of a rabbit's body and taste of frog legs, but sweeter and more meat.

[–]GrannyBacon81 7 points8 points ago

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I caught a seagull fishing once and was enlisting help to get him loose. A Chinese fisherman ran up and wanted the bird. He left with it... Not sure what became of that.

[–]psiaai 12 points13 points ago

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It became number 73 house special with rice

[–]Eddie_The_Brewer 6 points7 points ago

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He terned it into a kebab by marinating it in petrel and put it onto a skua

[–]brwhyan 1 point2 points ago

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Ugh, that's an entire pun thread in one post.

[–]Fish_Face_Faeces 5 points6 points ago

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One can never know enough about various kinds of delicious, succulent seagull meat.

[–]Balwin 9 points10 points ago

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Is that you, Zoidberg?

[–]Fish_Face_Faeces 1 point2 points ago

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No, you've been misinformed. I'm not me.

[–]paranoidpopsicle 16 points17 points ago

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I'd listen to him. This man knows his Bird Law.

[–]anonymoustroll 5 points6 points ago

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And it's illegal.

deal breaker...

...but my guess is that if you're eating sea gulls, you're a law breaker anyway.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I'd like to focus on that last part. Fucking with protected species in Amertica at least, which gulls and most other non-hunting birds includes, is highly illegal. Like $50k fine for shooting one illegal.

[–]Rebootkid 1 point2 points ago

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It's only $50k to shoot an illegal? Someone tell Dick Cheney! He'll probably want to camp out on the border with a briefcase and a sniper rifle.

[–]cockyjeremy 5 points6 points ago

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Perhaps he could use it as bait to catch something that isn't disgusting to eat. Like a seal. (Or whatever the fuck eats seagulls)

[–]crazyex 1 point2 points ago

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Why does catfish taste so good then?

[–]Mandapanda42 7 points8 points ago

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Catfish only tastes good fried and with some sort of sauce. If you ate it as a filet without any help, you'd notice the garbage flavor. Frying magically makes it better :)

[–]the_omicron 5 points6 points ago

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People mostly raise them in their septic tank here.

And they still taste so good.

[–]fap-to-your-comment 2 points3 points ago

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Yes, I will.

[–]crogar 22 points23 points ago

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You let it go. I used to do this but I would lightly put food on the sand over my friends crotchal region and then watch the seagulls peck with ferociousness at his unsuspecting junk. Good times.

[–]SpermWhale 76 points77 points ago

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Hmmm junk food!

[–]haiku_robot 89 points90 points ago

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Like a dog chasing 
a car, what does he do with 
it once he's caught it?

[–]MushroomWobbit 35 points36 points ago

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i like your haiku
i should make one of my own
this is my haiku

[–]OneWhoGeneralises 37 points38 points ago

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This is a haiku

and there are many like it

but this one is mine

[–]imdsm 20 points21 points ago

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This is a haiku
and there are many like it
but this one is mine

[–]Duke_Von_Duke 19 points20 points ago

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This is my haiku

I hate writing poetry

Refrigerator.

[–]SombreDusk 2 points3 points ago

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So, so very beautiful; it expresses all that is wrong with the world the refrigerator representing cfcs representing human carelessness how we all dig our own graves, but yet also representing humanities technological achievements. Bravo good sir Bravo.

[–]Phil_J_Fry 11 points12 points ago

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I don't like haiku.

My pattern is always wrong.

Oh well, whatever.

[–]Fartoholic 1 point2 points ago

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Seems okay to me...

[–]moustacheseat 6 points7 points ago

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Looks like the jersey shore...so I'm gonna say 'smush'

[–]nomechingues 1 point2 points ago

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He drives the shit out of it, a little NSFW http://imgur.com/gaONw

[–]inertia186 244 points245 points ago

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That poor bird is thinking, "This is how I die!"

[–]sleepingchild 73 points74 points ago

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”I regret nothing!”

[–]zaphod777 73 points74 points ago

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My friend and I did this once but the Seagull shit all over him. It was funny.

[–]Tryxster 8 points9 points ago*

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I have a (rational) fear of birds flying over my head because they could shit on me. To this day, i stay weary* of overhead birds and stay shit-free!

Edit:*wary

[–]Never_Seen_An_Ocelot 11 points12 points ago

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Very reasonable fear to have. One night during a family reunion a group of 20 of us were gathered around the campfire. We had the typical s'mores gear out and were busy roasting our marshmallows to perfection. At one point we were laughing at my dad because he had gotten a splotch of marshmallow on his shoulder somehow. He casually leaned over and slurped it up off of his shoulder...only to immediately pause with a disgusted look on his face and notice the birds flying overhead.

...yeah.

[–]icean 79 points80 points ago

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[–]admdelta 27 points28 points ago

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I'm relieved that it flew away. I was scared it broke a wing. :(

[–]MiracleBlue 7 points8 points ago

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Thank you. People like you are gentlemen and scholars.

[–]Flebas 166 points167 points ago

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HUMANS: 1 SEAGULLS: 0

[–]heavensclowd 241 points242 points ago

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By my count the score is humans: 1 seagulls: 9,101,236

[–]FuckYoureShit 24 points25 points ago

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Yea, right. I'm sure seagulls have a higher score.

[–]hobbnet 25 points26 points ago

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How many seagulls have you seen eating ho-hos while playing xbox? None? That's what I thought.

[–]greedyiguana 31 points32 points ago

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I saw one but I can't find the video

PROVE ME WRONG

[–]coralis834 25 points26 points ago

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[PROOF]

[–]sirwillis 9 points10 points ago

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It's a scam!

[–]LightPrism 9 points10 points ago

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THAT'S NOT HOW ARGUMENTS WORK

[–]fluxofzounds 1 point2 points ago

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lies, lies, dirty lies.

[–]Treeplantar 5 points6 points ago

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humans raid entire seabird colonies and eat their young. all of them.

[–]bross10 3 points4 points ago

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No, that's the population ratio for this beach. Brace yourselves... More will come.

[–]Old_Greggg 3 points4 points ago

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9 million people have been captured by seagulls? Impressive, they dont even have opposable thumbs.

[–]Hlidarendi 1 point2 points ago

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Wait, Seagulls have caught us and have had ability to kill us that many times?

[–]ThatComicGuy 98 points99 points ago

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At the end he starts to just lay back down with it. Like bitch you mine now.

[–]SatanicBug 62 points63 points ago

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At the end he starts
to just lay back down with it.
Like bitch you mine now.

I'm sorry, haiku_robot. Please don't hurt me.

[–]Langly- 20 points21 points ago

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Don't worry, Haiku_robot is well programmed and is not prone to bugs.

[–]ThatComicGuy 1 point2 points ago

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Random haiku post. I am more of a genius, than I thought at first.

[–]lahwran_ 0 points1 point ago*

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I'm going to downvote hell for this, but wtf is a haiku? it looks like you just split it into lines at illogical places ...

edit: oh, okay

[–]Khalexus 26 points27 points ago*

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Japanese poetry:

5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables

Though it's a little more complex than that for real haikus. The problem I have with Haiku_robot's haikus is that they don't really make a lot of sense, with the whole breaking a sentence in an illogical place to make the syllables fit.

EDIT:

    Haikus are easy  
    But sometimes they don't make sense.  
    Refrigerator.     

[–]lettucent 18 points19 points ago

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5 syllables

7 syllables

5 syllables

Or at least that's what people generally accept as haiku these days. Hard to convert a form of poetry from an entirely different language, though.

[–]Hangell 10 points11 points ago

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3 lines, 5 - 7 - 5 syllables.

It's a Japanese 'poem'.

[–]ImaginationStation 3 points4 points ago

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It's a form of Japanese poetry with a 5-7-5 structure, often with a seasonal reference & juxtaposition.

[–]ApexIsGangster 8 points9 points ago

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[–]StuBenedict 7 points8 points ago

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It's something a robot says.

[–]SatanicBug 1 point2 points ago

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A poem with 3 lines of syllables 5, 7 and 5 again. The fact that the splits happened at logical points just made the comment that much more perfect for haikuification (yes that's the technical term).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Some bullshit that's guaranteed upvotes from reddit weeaboos

[–]scottocs 21 points22 points ago

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One time I was on a pier with lots of seagulls, and I wanted to catch one, so I tipped up a box like so and put some of my fishing bait under it. Well the damn seagulls were smart enough not to go under the box. People smiled and laughed when they walked by and saw it setup like that.

[–]scottux 18 points19 points ago

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Something's not quite right about your username.

[–]Azzandra 12 points13 points ago

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It's a palindrome. Maybe that's it.

[–]danman11 20 points21 points ago*

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Here was his though process:

scottocs: I'm going to make my user name my name and a palindrome.

Friend: But Scot your name isn't a palindrome.

scottocs: Fuck you

[–]scottocs 2 points3 points ago

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Lol i thought of that username for xbox live when I started halo 2 and have used it everywhere since. My name is actually spelled Scott but I didn't want it to be ScottttocS

[–]scottocs 1 point2 points ago

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:O What's Scottux mean? It sounds just like ScottocS.

[–]latecraigy 6 points7 points ago

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And then you made this video?

[–]ItsTuesdaySally 1 point2 points ago

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I caught a seagull once. I had a theory... I dug a hole smaller than the seagull's wingspan and threw some saltines in there. It couldn't get out.

I felt bad, and and I lifted it out with a couple of sticks.

(I didn't want to touch a fucking seagull)

[–]matthank 18 points19 points ago

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"Albatross, for Christ's sake!"

[–]insanopointless 5 points6 points ago

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... 'cunt'

[–]ethanr23 146 points147 points ago

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all i can think of is that i hope he didnt break one of its wings....ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 76 points77 points ago

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It's natural selection.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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I WANT THE TRUTH!

[–]bmwfritzer 24 points25 points ago

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YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!

[–]NeddieSeagoon 8 points9 points ago

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I can handle the truth. Tell me and I'll break it to him gently.

[–]Jazzbandrew 3 points4 points ago

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We're trying NOT to break his wings, dude.

[–]Sampson623 1 point2 points ago

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I named my penis the truth just for when someone says that

[–]notic4lyf 3 points4 points ago

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Muse

[–]Franchez1337 9 points10 points ago

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"Okay... Now what?"

[–]The_Turbinator 7 points8 points ago

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You pet it.

[–]Luniticus 21 points22 points ago

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And this is how the bird flu spread to humans and wiped our society.

[–]anelida 3 points4 points ago

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I wish

[–]adayinthelife11 6 points7 points ago

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Someone has been watching the discovery channel.

[–]MrDurka 5 points6 points ago

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That seagull must have had a fucking heart attack.

[–]spikeage 15 points16 points ago

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I am the kraken of the beach!

[–]brother-seamus 10 points11 points ago

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This guy is violating that seagulls freedom.

I know this from my major in bird law.

[–]SneakyRobb 34 points35 points ago

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it always looked like the guy accidentally breaks the birds wing when I watch the video then I feel sad

[–]spockspockpenis 11 points12 points ago

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It flew away after.

[–]Well_then_sir 3 points4 points ago

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THIS IS MY BIRD NOW BITCH!

[–]The_Turbinator 4 points5 points ago

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A seagull once stole my bouncy ball - mid air!

[–]urbansociety 55 points56 points ago

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this is how white people hunted before inventing guns.

[–]anoncampbell35 99 points100 points ago

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Yes, because only white people can be buried in sand..

[–]Kev_koe 45 points46 points ago

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False. Black sand beaches

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points ago

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Blacks and bitches?

[–]advillious 53 points54 points ago

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congrats, you just wrote a #1 hit rap song.

[–]Ingodwerust 1 point2 points ago

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[–]anonymoustroll 2 points3 points ago

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Uh, sorry the first word in the title would be different..

[–]dziban303 2 points3 points ago

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*african americans and bitches

[–]Support_HOOP 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, those are good people and bad things. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether I'm sexist or racist

[–]bishman 2 points3 points ago

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Bears, beets, battlestar galactica!

[–]yourfaceisannoying 8 points9 points ago

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Oh, for fuck's sake.

[–]eatmyjorts 54 points55 points ago

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guns were invented by yellow people

[–]MrMono1 16 points17 points ago

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Finally someone who knows their history.

[–]nodefense 3 points4 points ago

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[–]solotron 4 points5 points ago

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Gunpowder used in fireworks**

[–]godspeaks2me 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, but they also used it in primitive guns.

[–]pepsi_logic 4 points5 points ago

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this is how brown people hunted before getting guns.

FTFY

[–]pepsi_logic 4 points5 points ago

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I like how you change the "inventing" to "getting" guns as well. Have an upvote!

[–]IJIrving 7 points8 points ago

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"Bear Grylls Goes To The Beach"

[–]smartdonkey66 7 points8 points ago

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I hope he took a gigantic dump on that seagull, on behalf of all humanity.

[–]LigerZer0 4 points5 points ago

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This. Please post after with a nsfs tag.

[–]MAKE_THIS_POLITICAL 4 points5 points ago

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It starts with a hedgehog, it ends with a seagull. Show that fucking animal kingdom who's boss.

[–]Mrmer 1 point2 points ago

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I was tempted to catch the seagull before, but now I'm tempted to catch it AND shit on it.

Reddit, what have you done to me?

[–]Knife-Or-Banana 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks for the scraps stup...AH OH MY GOD!!

[–]chunkymonkey01 2 points3 points ago

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My favorite part was when the title of the pic on imgur is different from the title of the post here on reddit! It makes it look like a genuine repost! I trust you though :)

[–]xebo 2 points3 points ago

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He's pecking the shit out of that guy's left hand. That must hurt.

[–]R3Mx 2 points3 points ago

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Is it bad that I read this in my head as Tobuscus's voice?

[–]Hoops_McCann 2 points3 points ago

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As a guy who recently had half a bagel and cream cheese stolen by a seagull, I approve this message.

[–]Blackmaths4tj 2 points3 points ago

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How has this only been on reddit once before? I think I saw this a year or two ago.

[–]circle_ 2 points3 points ago

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As someone who lives in a beach town which is popular among tourists, please don't feed the seagulls.

[–]SouthernX 2 points3 points ago

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I could just see ancient homosapiens hunting gulls for food the exact same way.

[–]generallethal 2 points3 points ago

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When the apocalypse comes, this guy will survive.

[–]mike213player213 12 points13 points ago

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my brother caught a duck one time, after he let it go the duck was so ashamed that it let an eagle pluck it to death while the humans watched.

[–]pingu_warrior 5 points6 points ago

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haha you make it sound like you're not human

[–]TheRobberDotCom 2 points3 points ago

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Well, Pingu-warrior...

[–]anelida 4 points5 points ago

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He was probably injured by then (broken wing....)

Kind of sad that you find it funny

[–]thereal_slimshady 9 points10 points ago

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I didn't see where he indicated that it was funny.

[–]nyuncat 1 point2 points ago

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Wait, what? I know you just told the story but can you tell a longer version with more details?

[–]spiderface1 7 points8 points ago

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Yea srsly. Why didn't he go for the eagle in the first place? Also where do ducks and eagles hang out together? Was this some kind of illegal bird fighting ring? Was this at a bird bar that he walked into accidentally? Was the duck an alcoholic?

[–]mynameisgoose 5 points6 points ago

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As cool as that was, aren't birds really disease infested? ಠ_ಠ

[–]MrMono1 11 points12 points ago

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Well he didn't have sex with it so he's sa-

Actually now I'm not too sure.

[–]anelida 2 points3 points ago

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well, so are humans

[–]envysiblegirl 4 points5 points ago

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They can carry salmonella, yes.

[–]aroras 57 points58 points ago

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Not only can they carry salmonella, they can carry hella salmon

[–]P3tr0 1 point2 points ago

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This comment made me wet myself, needs way more upvotes.. Thank you Good Sir/Madam

[–]seg-fault 2 points3 points ago

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Don't be so quick to rule out other reasons for your incontinence!

[–]AriBBCP 6 points7 points ago

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feathery assholes

[–]Kawaii- 1 point2 points ago

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Bear Grylls surviving at the beach.

[–]divinesleeper 1 point2 points ago

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What they didn't show was that in turn the bird was placed there by a dinosaur as bait for humans.

[–]goldjerrygold 1 point2 points ago

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Chris Brown strikes again.

[–]ToasteyBread 1 point2 points ago

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So this is why birds are afraid of people!

[–]successful_brown_man 1 point2 points ago

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Directed by M Night Shyamalan.

[–]Jimmars 1 point2 points ago

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That sneaky basterd.

[–]sickinkentucky 1 point2 points ago

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How to get free bird mites. That dude is fucked if one makes it to his house.

[–]heimdal77 1 point2 points ago

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grats on the enjoyable new diseases...

[–]underraker99 6 points7 points ago

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Everyone shhhh! Don't let PETA see this...

[–]philosopherstoned 4 points5 points ago

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extremely tempted to try this

[–]Alien1993 2 points3 points ago

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Strange. No one? ಠ_ಠ

Ok, I'll do it.

IT'S A TRAP!

[–]cliaz 1 point2 points ago

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Damnit, I had the exact same thought process (and replied) but didn't see your post till just now :(

[–]FortunePaw 1 point2 points ago

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Di... did he put the chips near his crotch area?

[–]its_sea-man 2 points3 points ago

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used to do this all the time, except we would dig a big, shallow hole and lay a couple large beach towels with chips covering them on top of someone. i think that way was a little better just because you could trap the bird in the towel rather than having to grab the disgusting thing with your bare hands.

[–]dipolaris 1 point2 points ago

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I'll definately remember this hunting technique if the foodsupply dwindles and I aquire a taste for avians.

[–]one23four 1 point2 points ago

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This Pokemon craze has gotten way out of hand.

[–]Seethus 1 point2 points ago

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Crazy Peta people in 3,2,1...

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]bjsmithwv 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote for "Cunty Motherfuckers"

[–]Luke_Hero 0 points1 point ago

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Soon... Then it happens...

[–]SirWistfully 0 points1 point ago

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I guess that's one way to catch meat if you're ever stranded on an island.

[–]NibblyPig 0 points1 point ago

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Reminded me of Moonstone

[–]fishdark 0 points1 point ago

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Trapdoor spiderman?

[–]prazz 0 points1 point ago

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Just about the opposite of what Chris Brown would do.

[–]enderpanda 0 points1 point ago

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That is so much better than was I was expecting. I thought it would be some type of horror between human flesh in chip form and Cthulhu coming out of a snack bag.

[–]memarianomusic 0 points1 point ago

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OH MY GOD HE'S CAPTURED ANDY!

[–]rocky_whoof 0 points1 point ago

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I was wondering why that link was purple

[–]GaliousFerShark 0 points1 point ago

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Pretty sure his penis was bait.

[–]claudesoph 0 points1 point ago

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Dug-fucking-trio