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top 200 commentsshow all 215

[–]jsz 596 points597 points ago

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"Oh Hey Rick! Not again!" laughs
"Yep, haha. Happened me and David last week too."
"Oh how is David?"
"Good. Well I gotta head out actually."
"Me too. See you at Andrea's next Friday?"
"Absolutely. Take care man."

[–]InternetPersona 210 points211 points ago

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Nice, you manage to include the names of some of my close friends!

[–]dsaforthewin 121 points122 points ago

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Managed to include my name...

[–]SmartAssX 199 points200 points ago

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you might be a pedo bro

[–]dsaforthewin 79 points80 points ago

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Well fuck if I am you better be a 7 year old smart ass kid

[–]SmartAssX 63 points64 points ago

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i like turtles ... and anal from large guys i meet on anonymous chat rooms

[–]dsaforthewin 37 points38 points ago

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What a coincidence I like turtles as well meet me at 7 tonight and we can talk about them

[–]randomjew 23 points24 points ago

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I just like turtles.

[–]Theemuts 13 points14 points ago

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I've a turtle for you in the back of my van

[–]SmartAssX 22 points23 points ago

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... and sodomy

[–]Seth7777 2 points3 points ago

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...and turtles

[–]AppleBlossom63 2 points3 points ago

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I like pina coladas...

[–]zHellas 0 points1 point ago

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[–]kinguzumaki 1 point2 points ago

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I like trains

[–]Dr___Awkward 8 points9 points ago

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Smart ass-kid?

[–]Ey_mon 5 points6 points ago

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Smart kid-ass

[–]lesviin 1 point2 points ago

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We all like a smart kid ass. Wait....

[–]TrainFan 7 points8 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Dave?

[–]Pehdazur 2 points3 points ago

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We're fucking on to you, David.

[–]AtticusLynch 0 points1 point ago

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get new friends

[–]jakeypoo12 0 points1 point ago

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Well he did use 2 of the most common male names...

[–]TheSuperSax 0 points1 point ago

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He included the names of my father and my brother!

[–]6h057 9 points10 points ago

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Pictured some of the Walking Dead characters while reading this.

[–]jsz 3 points4 points ago

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Yeah I realized after I wrote it that I picked two names from TWD.

[–]SplashyMcPants 6 points7 points ago

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fuck

[–]MsRage 3 points4 points ago

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HAPPY CAKE DAY!!

[–]bonesmccoy 2 points3 points ago

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Do yourself a favor and watch the workaholics episode that deals with them making friends with a pedo. its hilarious.

[–]ubna 2 points3 points ago

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I Toews what you did there.

[–]alliha 0 points1 point ago

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Oh god I laughed way too hard at this.

[–]hypnonewt 118 points119 points ago

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I can imagine the pedo telling the story as an anecdote at a party.

[–]ollyk1[S] 104 points105 points ago

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"ha-ha, yes Geoffrey, that reminds me of the time I was stalking this twelve year old on-line and decided to meet him in the park in hopes of having sex with him"

sips from wine glass

[–]artful_wench 54 points55 points ago

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"Oh, Philip, you have the most marvelous stories of your rendezvous!" Pops child-shaped cheese puff into mustache.

[–]Nekture 33 points34 points ago

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Child-size penis shaped cheese puff.

[–]PENIS_IN_MAH_MOUTH_ 49 points50 points ago

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Ooohh.....that may have gone a little far.

[–]AceSpaceRacer 40 points41 points ago

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when someone that calls himself Penis_In_Mah_Mouth says its gone too far, it probably has.

[–]PENIS_IN_MAH_MOUTH_ 42 points43 points ago

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herself.

[–]AliasAurora 13 points14 points ago

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Upvotes for having the balls (figuratively) to correct people on this. I hate it when people on Reddit assume I'm a guy, but I'm afraid of the downvotes if I correct them.

[–]xilpaxim 20 points21 points ago

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I imagine for the past 7 minutes you have gotten a lit of messages.

[–]PENIS_IN_MAH_MOUTH_ 18 points19 points ago

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No. I think most people from the internet are desensitized.

[–]dreamsofbetterdays 4 points5 points ago

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I believe this is so

[–]TheoQ99has no eyes 0 points1 point ago

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Woah, do you accept anyone?

[–]sotheniderped 4 points5 points ago

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dude you have no eyes.

[–]PENIS_IN_MAH_MOUTH_ 1 point2 points ago

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Just about!

[–]SuperPowers97 110 points111 points ago

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At some kind of pedophile party? I really hope there aren't pedophile parties.

[–]Self_Hating_Liberal 58 points59 points ago

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I'll bring the beer, you bring the loli!

[–]MrKenta 33 points34 points ago

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Yeah, but no loli gaggin'.

[–]elementalguy2 7 points8 points ago

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So that's why Borkul the Beast what put in prison.

[–]hypnonewt 10 points11 points ago

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I imagine they probably do, like those pedophile rings that get busted by the police sometimes. I can imagine they throw some wild parties.

[–]pplkillr -1 points0 points ago

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yeah…

pedobear: hey boy, ya wanna come over to my place and drink? boy: but im only 12, my parents won't let me! pedobear: they don't think you're grown up enough to handle it. boy: wow someone thinks i'm grown up! I'm in! pedobear: that's the entertainment taken care of… boy: what? pedobear: nothing….

[–]greendabre 23 points24 points ago

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Haven't you heard about the Nambla?

[–]metalknight 24 points25 points ago

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Fun thing to do: Donate money to NAMBLA under someone's name, they will start mailing them literature about the organization.

[–]acemnorsuvwxz 14 points15 points ago

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Do this to a teacher you hate.

[–]alexsc12 2 points3 points ago

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c/o their place of employment

[–]gloomybear31593 5 points6 points ago

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saved for future refrence

[–]greendabre 2 points3 points ago

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Y-You... YOU'RE A GENIUS!!

[–]SuperPowers97 49 points50 points ago

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[–]greendabre 6 points7 points ago

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...can't be unseen!

[–]jtdc 12 points13 points ago

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North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes

[–]greendabre 1 point2 points ago

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[–]pplkillr 7 points8 points ago

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[–]FeierInMeinHose 13 points14 points ago

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I thought that was something they made up for South Park...

[–]ModerateBias 2 points3 points ago

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As with most things South Park, they took a real thing and made it ridiculous. This was in the news when the ACLU defended there right to speech and assembly.

[–]Toxikomania 0 points1 point ago

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I KNEW I heard of that slogan somewhere.. Oh South Park, u so silly.

[–]Epic_baconnage 2 points3 points ago

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I thought this was just a joke from a South Park episode... shit.

[–]greendabre 1 point2 points ago

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Take South Park seriously, bro. Very very seriously. They aren't just about humor, but about awareness too.

[–]Epic_baconnage 0 points1 point ago

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Amen.

[–]bojang 0 points1 point ago

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I assumed that was something out of South Park when I opened the link.

[–]greendabre 0 points1 point ago

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South Park was where I heard about it first. :D

[–]monkhouse 40 points41 points ago

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This was a sketch on lesser known bbc3 animated despair emulator Monkey Dust.

[–]omgjoe 10 points11 points ago

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Just beat me to it, really great show - why don't they show it any more? Easily the best thing BBC3 has produced.

[–]Identity_disorder 7 points8 points ago

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WE.ARE.THE.CYCLISTS.WE.ARE.ENERGY.EFFICIENT.

[–]eaturbrainz 5 points6 points ago

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Will the rest of us be EXTERRRMINATED?

[–]walkerism 7 points8 points ago

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We must go, for while the lights are still red, mere rules do not apply to us.

[–]kielbasa330 0 points1 point ago

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I knew I had seen something like this before. I'm not a Brit, so it must have been here somewhere...

[–]chico1620 72 points73 points ago

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I was waiting for Chris Hansen to show up.

[–]Omena123 27 points28 points ago

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or true story

[–]MestR 16 points17 points ago

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[–]Sexually_Repressed 7 points8 points ago

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That scared the piss out of me.

Fuck you.

[–]MestR 10 points11 points ago

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If Chris Hansen scares you then I have some bad news for you...

[–]Nautilis 1 point2 points ago

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at first I was like wtf, you just reposted the comic. Then I saw why.

[–]joedogg 0 points1 point ago

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He appeared at the exact instant I dragged to resize. Get out of my head, MestR.

[–]Davada 0 points1 point ago

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This happened to me as well...

[–]ChronoX720 16 points17 points ago

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What's even more awkward is when Batman shows up

[–]spacecadet06 32 points33 points ago

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[–]bonishjwhs 1 point2 points ago

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Awesome job

[–]tomkandy 1 point2 points ago

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Monkey Dust is the acid test for foreign types who claim to like British comedy. Laughing at monty python, not so impressive. Once you find this funny, you're one of us.

[–]reon2-_ 1 point2 points ago

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to the top with you!

[–]dopebob 0 points1 point ago

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I was going to post this, hope your comment gets upvoted to the top, it deserves it, such a good show

[–]Kalashnikov74 13 points14 points ago

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If I had a nickel for every time... never mind.

[–]tuckidge 6 points7 points ago

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Same. That you, Bruce?

[–]UndeadShaggy 35 points36 points ago

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obligatory peder-stache appreciated

[–]klikhalno 9 points10 points ago

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i disagree good sir, i resent the connotation that mustaches involve pedophiliac tendency's.

[–]greggvl 26 points27 points ago

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The true sign is inappropriate apostrophe usage.

[–]OdysseusX 4 points5 points ago

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As a non pedo with a phenomenal handle bar moustache, I disagree with your appreciation. I don't appreciate it one bit.

twirls stache not one bit indeed.

[–]chell20013 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote for scaring the hell out of me even though I didn't appreciate it either!

[–]watevs44 47 points48 points ago

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I wonder if that does happen 0_0

[–]Max_Was_Here 167 points168 points ago

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this comic made me think of this: http://i.imgur.com/r59ph.jpg

[–]watevs44 38 points39 points ago

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0_0 - My face when I read the last 2 lines

[–]Max_Was_Here 25 points26 points ago

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yeah it's not the weirdest thing I've seen on 4chan... But it's still pretty funny xD

[–]Darkpulse462 6 points7 points ago

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Really?

[–]Max_Was_Here 41 points42 points ago

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Brace yourselves for the most disgusting gore-thread I've ever seen: http://imgur.com/iALkl

[–]CornyJoke 54 points55 points ago

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Where are the mods when we need them?! This kind of gore shouldn't be allowed on f7u12!

[–]SkaveRat 18 points19 points ago

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I puked all over my new laptop :/

[–]MrsPumpkin 12 points13 points ago

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Is it really gore? Or is it a joke? I'm too afraid to click!

[–]MrsPumpkin 21 points22 points ago

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Nevermind, I clicked it.

[–]PenisPumper8000 15 points16 points ago

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That took a whole minute of waiting...

[–]Teraka 4 points5 points ago

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It's more gore than Goatse, to give a reference. Don't click if you're eating.

[–]MrsPumpkin 3 points4 points ago

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I clicked it, I don't think I'll be able to live normally after this.

[–]Woofiny 0 points1 point ago

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It must have been deleted because I just see a finger with a sliver on it or I'm just plain stupid.

[–]dohaeris 0 points1 point ago

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Goatse doesn't count as gore. Does it? Everyone who is confused, google it! :D

[–]Sarahmint 0 points1 point ago

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:). My face

[–]watevs44 0 points1 point ago

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This comic got famous over night :0 wish that happened to my comics..

[–]MistressLiliana 1 point2 points ago

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Is it weird that I have guy friends that know they are both guys but still do lesbian cyber with each other? We rpers can be an odd lot...

[–]ollyk1[S] 21 points22 points ago

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it's kind of a statistical inevitability...

[–]konblivion 15 points16 points ago

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And they became the best of friends. They abandoned their pedophile ways, realizing a friend is all they ever wanted in the first place. Then they murdered each other accidentally. The end.

[–]Bout_It_Bout_It -1 points0 points ago

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They abandoned their pedophile ways, realizing a friend is all they ever wanted in the first place. Then they murdered each other accidentally. The end.

One of the most hopeless attempts at humour i have read on this site. This doesn't even make sense.

[–]Madheid 5 points6 points ago

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Reminded me of this.

[–]Hardtopickaname 5 points6 points ago

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Could be worse. You might meet up with some lunatic dressed like Batman.

[–]urnbabyurn 7 points8 points ago

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It's even worse for me. I keep chatting with older single men online but whenever we go to meet it turns out to be a 12 year old girl. (I'm also a 12 year old girl)

[–]binarytree 5 points6 points ago

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As someone with a mustache, I find this offensive.

[–]online222222 5 points6 points ago

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Not everyone with a mustache is a pedophile but every pedophile has a mustache [FACT]

[–]G-H-O-S-T 0 points1 point ago

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So what happens if there was a pedophile who didn't have a mustache?

[–]Blamemeta 4 points5 points ago

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Same thing as if you divided by Zero.

[–]MistressLiliana 1 point2 points ago

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I know one that doesn't have a mustache. I think the mustache is what divides offending pedophiles and non-offending pedophiles.

[–]SamsonIzor 2 points3 points ago

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As someone who is offended, I found a mustache.

[–]acebroe 2 points3 points ago

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why do pedophiles always have the same mustache as me? it's a little unnerving that 140% of all pedophiles have it.

[–]zxo0oxz 0 points1 point ago

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Because you're a pedophile. ಠ_ಠ

[–]eaturbrainz 2 points3 points ago

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I'm sorry, are both of those figures supposed to be 40-year-old pedophiles, or 12-year-old net trolls?

[–]xilpaxim 2 points3 points ago

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I don't think 12 year Olds can grow mustaches.

[–]deirox 6 points7 points ago

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[–]eaturbrainz 1 point2 points ago

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They could be fake mustaches .

[–]jr0324 2 points3 points ago

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[–]ojfrown 2 points3 points ago

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[–]BallaAssSpoon 2 points3 points ago

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So its another reddit meetup?

[–]nickcolley 15 points16 points ago

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Paedophile =/= Sexual predator.

[–]G-H-O-S-T 0 points1 point ago

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How so?

[–]123abc4 13 points14 points ago

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People are not always in control of their sexual desires, but they can stop themselves from taking further action related to these desires.

[–]Arnakin 11 points12 points ago

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Because being sexually attracted to prepubescent boys/girls doesn't necessarily mean thay you'll actively try to trick/force children into having sex with you.

[–]sargassum 8 points9 points ago

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That's true. I'm tired of all the ignorance I see about pedophiles.

People always forget that most pedophiles romantically court children the good old-fashioned way.

[–]Theopeo1 5 points6 points ago

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He's saying that people that have a fetish for underage boys/girls don't necessarily have to act out their fantasies. Phile is a suffix for affection. You can't help what sexual preferences you have, but you can be a good sport about it and keep it to yourself or seek help if it's illegal or immoral in nature.

[–]sje46 -5 points-4 points ago

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This distinction isn't exactly necessary to point out.

[–]Secret_Boner -2 points-1 points ago

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On Reddit it is. I've never seen so much pedo sympathy before I started using this site. One of the top comments nominated for best of 2011 equated the plight of pedos to the injustices gay people face. Reddit's like a NAMBLA meeting sometimes. Make sure you also make the distinction between ephebo and pedo. There is a marked difference between a 40 year old that wants to fuck an 8 year old and one that wants to fuck a 15 year old, and Pedditors won't cease to point this out.

[–]Bean0 5 points6 points ago

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Reminds me of the first season of Monkey Dust.

[–]Pmonstah4 1 point2 points ago

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Well at less someones found himself a friend... His age.

[–]SuperStitchesTim 1 point2 points ago

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I love how they have matching mustaches.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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ASL?

[–]heywhatsgoingon 1 point2 points ago

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[–]darkscream 1 point2 points ago

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They probably still fuck.

[–]Jbergur 1 point2 points ago

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We need to have someone, who this has had this happened to, to do an AMA!

[–]Broken_S_Key 1 point2 points ago

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))<>((

[–]walkerism 1 point2 points ago

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[–]s_a_walk 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Ixidane 1 point2 points ago

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I understand it happens fairly often, except one of them is usually Chris Hansen and a swat team is waiting behind that tree.

[–]MFNoire 1 point2 points ago

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i saw monkey dust too

[–]CornyJoke 8 points9 points ago

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[–]G-H-O-S-T 2 points3 points ago

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I don't know whether to upvote for the username or downvote for breaking the face rule

[–]CornyJoke 9 points10 points ago

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Face rule? I must have missed something.

[–]scy1192 5 points6 points ago

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you can only use that rage face if the comic or comment you are replying to involves shit, faeces, or stool.

[–]timeboundary 0 points1 point ago

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[–]G-H-O-S-T 2 points3 points ago

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That glorious face is used Only if and Only when there's poop mentioned in the comic, but I guess people forgot about it or just don't glorify it that much

[–]yolandi2012 1 point2 points ago

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It happened on South Park too, so it must be really common.

[–]Celebrimbor333 1 point2 points ago

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Most likely taken from this comic from See Mike Draw.

[–]Thessilonius 1 point2 points ago

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This is exactly what I referenced and got hit with a stick.

[–]Celebrimbor333 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry to hear that. Redditors don't like to be called wrong (as I've learned time and time again).

[–]Thessilonius 0 points1 point ago

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Indeed. Good job on finding the original comic.

[–]lurgar 0 points1 point ago

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You should probably ask Violentacrez or Kenny_rogers

[–]MrYaah 0 points1 point ago

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now kiss

[–]Dechna 0 points1 point ago

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They later engage bff-mode

[–]iangoround 0 points1 point ago

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upvotes for the molester-staches

[–]thenarwhalthatbacons 0 points1 point ago

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I saw a webcomic that had this happening, not sure where though.

[–]RyanRaygun 0 points1 point ago

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I look like both of those pedophiles.

[–]Mark_Lincoln 0 points1 point ago

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Naw, the most awkward moment for a pedophile is when he is notified by his dioces that he will have to be transfered again because he has been caught with his hands in some kids pants.

[–]open_the_neXt 0 points1 point ago

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An animated TV programme by the BBC called "Monkey Dust" did this joke once.

[–]preachingelvis 0 points1 point ago

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reminded me of this... awesome show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APG0rNedEwk

[–]0rigin 0 points1 point ago

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You seem to be speaking from experience...

[–]donkeybrainsify 0 points1 point ago

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Pedophile here and I can confirm that this happens a LOT! Nah just kidding. Could you imagine though?

[–]UniqueError 0 points1 point ago

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Chris Hansen at the end would have been just as good :3

[–]OrganesAuRabais 0 points1 point ago

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The same haircut for me please.

[–]canadope 0 points1 point ago

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this is how those paedophile rings the news is always talking about get formed.

[–]AngryTA 0 points1 point ago

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This was a monkeydust sketch over a decade ago.

[–]mydearwatson616 0 points1 point ago

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[–]plaza169 0 points1 point ago

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i like those pedo mustaches

[–]Emzfish 0 points1 point ago

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When they find their long lost twin?

[–]yobo2000 0 points1 point ago

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"just call me Mr Big Toe" haaahaha

[–]Ruskin 0 points1 point ago

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Should it not be proper to only go when you invite them?

[–]weirdwun 0 points1 point ago

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pff, pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

[–]Lukov 0 points1 point ago

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surely it would be 'The court finds you guilty and sentences you to lifetime in prison'

[–]CHOKE_ON_DADDY 0 points1 point ago

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I MADE that happen once, I needed money and started scamming creeps on chats. I would set up a meeting at a close by gas station. And watch from the forest. Shit was, literally, cash.

[–]ludod 1 point2 points ago

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...how does that make you money?

[–]orthag 0 points1 point ago

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He then mugged them.

[–]Hatesauce -1 points0 points ago

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Well done and tasteful. This is hilarious.

[–]AriBBCP -1 points0 points ago

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not very often actually