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464
465

There can only be one. (imgur.com)

submitted ago by Magnum45

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[–]guynumberthree 26 points27 points ago

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Hilarious, but terrible breeding technique. What if the strongest M&M was one of the first two he picked? It almost certainly wouldn't end up being the last one remaining because the combination of sheer chance and added stresses means it would eventually have to lose. He needs to arrange some other method, perhaps brackets.

[–]OCedHrt 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah. Demonstrates a poor understanding of evolution.

But it gets you free M&Ms.

[–]dasnumberwang 2 points3 points ago

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I think he was going more for the eugenics approach to M&Ms

[–]cheesesaurous 6 points7 points ago

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I assumed "another round" meant it went into a pile of winners to fight other winners once he had gone through all the un-blooded knights of summer in the bag.

[–]Kursta 3 points4 points ago

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This. It makes more sense if the winners all have to fight each other, since they've all already gone through the same number of fights.

[–]everflow 0 points1 point ago

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This is what I was thinking. I am going to set up a real tournament with brackets. I am confident that will not take long.

[–]Sodfarm 0 points1 point ago

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Overall as a selection technique this makes no sense. Every time they are picked up and crushed together, they soften from heat and pressure. Even if it could be determined which one the strongest M&M was before pitting them against each other, there is no way that it would make it through the entire pack without turning into mush.

[–]BionicEye 32 points33 points ago

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This is like the ultimate repost. I swear this has been on the internet for at least a decade.

[–]Mineshaft_Gap 3 points4 points ago

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I do like the fact that the screengrab itself is 5 years old.

[–]ItsTraditional 26 points27 points ago

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Man I havent seen this in a while, it's always a good read

[–]Ceurl 3 points4 points ago

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Did we ever hear the results?

[–]mathmat 9 points10 points ago

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They probably all turned on him before he could finish.

[–]gregmax 7 points8 points ago

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Rise of the Planet of the M&Ms

[–]gregmax 2 points3 points ago

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The Hunger M&M Games

[–]gregmax 0 points1 point ago

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M&M's Run

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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I really wonder what people like this did with their time before /b/ was invented.

[–]ceritul 37 points38 points ago

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This predates 4chan by a long shot. I just dug through my email archives and my first copy of this comes from Dec. 3rd, 1996.

[–]Nemokles 17 points18 points ago

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You have email archives going back to 1996?

[–]c3xy 39 points40 points ago

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His painstaking e-mail archiving methodology finally paid off 32 minutes ago.

[–]bmo311 13 points14 points ago*

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Number  : 117    of    118       Date: 08/25/94 20:52
Confer  : Required "Global" Echo <SyndicateNet> 
From    : Todd Rourke
To      : All
Subject : More Thoughts!

------------------------------------------------------------------

    WHY DOGS SMELL EACH OTHER'S BUTTS
                    By Lowell Jaeger

When he asked, the dogs refused him.
You are unclean, they told Coyote,
you are not a dog.
So the dogs undressed for their sweatbath
and entered the sweatlodge without him.

Coyote envied the glossy fur coats
the dogs had hung outside the lodge.
He thought of stealing them,
but he decided not to.

Instead he threw the long coats
in a great pile,
and wiped his muddy feet across them.
Then he set fire to the sweatlodge roof
and said in a loud voice:
Oh what will the dogs do now,
Coyote has taken their fur!

From behind a rock, Coyote sat laughing
as the naked dogs rushed
into the cold out-of-doors,
grabbing for a coat,
afraid there might be too few
to cover everyone.

Years later, as the story goes,
with every dog zipped in someone else's fur,
dogs smell each other's butts,
looking for their own.

Meanwhile Coyote is still grinning,
off in the hills somewhere,
rolling in red dirt,
thinking how crude
to be a dog.

how much more clean,
how much more fun
to be Coyote.

--- Blue Wave/TG v2.12
* Origin: {Cerebral Babylon} E.Prov/RI 401-435-XXXX v.32bis   (151:401/10.0)

[–]Nemokles 8 points9 points ago

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1994! We've got a new champion! Will there come a late contender? This competition is still very open and we've still got eternity left in which to play it in.

[–]railroad-redditor 1 point2 points ago

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Todd was always such a joker!

[–]Iamgoingtooffendyou[!] 2 points3 points ago

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The world existed in 1996?

[–]ObamaResponse -1 points0 points ago

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http://i.imgur.com/Qd2kK.jpg

[–]ceritul 0 points1 point ago

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I just looked at it goes as far back as 1995. I was in college at the time and, since my email was on unix systems, all my mail boxes were just text files. It's been pretty easy to make sure I have copies of them somewhere. I ran my own mail server after school but I switched to gmail somewhere in the mid-2000s so my text file archive ends there.

Reminds me that I need to suck down all my gmail stuff so I have a copy of it that I own.

[–]pluesha 0 points1 point ago

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Mid-2000's you say, how does the year 2500 look?

[–]Mmm_Creepers 38 points39 points ago

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Masturbated more.

[–]The_Painted_Man 11 points12 points ago

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to vhs porn.

[–]Ksco 8 points9 points ago

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This has forever altered my M&M eating strategy

[–]Predze 7 points8 points ago

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VHS porn?

[–]Ksco 11 points12 points ago

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Why yes, I'd love some

[–]Rurikar 2 points3 points ago

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085995/

[–]Supervisor194 0 points1 point ago

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It was called FYAD.

[–]BurntTheToast 64 points65 points ago

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i have 8 staples in my head right now and i laughed so hard i think my head is bleeding

[–]lydocia 37 points38 points ago

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Mommy, Charlie is playing with the stapler again.

[–]xyzornat 14 points15 points ago

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That, and he burnt the toast!

[–]Papasmurf2 15 points16 points ago

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I used to play soccer with skittles. One color to mark the field. One color for the ball and the rest of the colors would make up the teams. The losing teams were eaten first.

[–]Phil_Bond 6 points7 points ago

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Downvote for getting the Highlander quote wrong when it's right there in the image.

[–]Danny_Joe 74 points75 points ago

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Get this old shit out of here.

[–]Xilean 38 points39 points ago

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This shit is older than the internet. Even the timestamp on this retelling is from 07, for pete's sake.

[–]MestR 6 points7 points ago

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Who's Pete?

[–]The_Painted_Man 8 points9 points ago

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i like sake.

[–]HeyItsMeAmerica 0 points1 point ago

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...and is he going to be ok?!

[–]Valendr0s 0 points1 point ago

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07? Might as well be 07million B.C.E!

[–]I_SCIENTIST 7 points8 points ago

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fucking repost warrior, excuse us for not looking at the internet everyday since electricity was discovered.

god forbid reddit should contain a link to some other piece of the web... oh wait...

[–]Aviator8989 32 points33 points ago

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OH GOD NO! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. HE HAS BEEN UNWITTINGLY EXPOSED TO A HUMOROUS POST THAT HE HAS ALREADY SEEN BEFORE, WE HAVE ONLY SECONDS TO ACT! QUICK, DIRECT HIM TO /r/originalcontentonly

[–]The_Painted_Man 13 points14 points ago

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you asshole. that was a spacedicks link!!!

ಠ_ಠ

[–]Gramma42ton 12 points13 points ago

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Thank god that reddit asks if you are over 18. I am in a lecture with about 100 people behind me

[–]The_Painted_Man 0 points1 point ago

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It doesn't always if you are signed in already, or are using RES at the same time.

[–]Aviator8989 4 points5 points ago

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Well to be quite frank, there aren't many reposts to be found there :)

[–]The_Painted_Man 0 points1 point ago

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Well to be ann frank, there aren't many sounds she can make there.

Darn Nazi's!

[–]NovaDeez 9 points10 points ago

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The timestamp on the post itself is almost five fucking years old, and that post isn't even where this originated from. There's accidentally reposting stuff people have seen, and then there's posting stuff your grandmother sent you three years ago.

[–]ImaginationStation 11 points12 points ago

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Your grandmother sends you screen caps from /b/?

[–]NovaDeez 25 points26 points ago

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The process is basically like this:

  • posted to 4chan
  • screen capped
  • posted to reddit
  • posted to facebook
  • copied around facebook a few times
  • seen by a "hip" mother
  • e-mailed to coworkers
  • coworkers forward it to their families
  • reaches my grandmother
  • forwarded to me
  • 12 years pass
  • reposted to reddit

[–]Theodore_Brosevelt 8 points9 points ago

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Such is the Circle of Life, Simba.

[–]tie_me_down 1 point2 points ago

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I read that in Mufasa's voice. It was spooky.

[–]karmaceutical 0 points1 point ago

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i believe it was originally a craigslist bestof

[–]essenceoferlenmeyer 0 points1 point ago

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You missed 9gag. It should go on the end and be marked "original".

[–]railroad-redditor 0 points1 point ago

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This story predates 4chan.

[–]tie_me_down 1 point2 points ago

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You're an evil genius.

[–]karmaceutical 0 points1 point ago

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in particular, this was originally a craigslist best of. someone reposted to 4chan and now it is reposted here.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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I still lol'd and I had seen it before. Get a load of this motha fucka.

[–]NovaMouser 11 points12 points ago*

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This guy will regret doing this eventually, when Mars takes the selectively bred M&M's and creates a super race of intelligent diamond hard MEGAM&MS!

[–]Delfishie 12 points13 points ago

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That'd be such an awesome brand of candies, though.

They'd be like sucking candies. You'd have to suck on the candy shell for hours, slowly dissolving the shell in your mouth until finally, finally, you'd be rewarded with the milk chocolate interior.

I want this to exist so goddamn bad.

[–]seabeezy 2 points3 points ago

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woah dude...

[–]le_clochard 2 points3 points ago

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That's, like, chocolate porn, dude.

[–]Jizzlekins 7 points8 points ago

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I have never wanted an M&M so bad as this moment.

[–]Word_Analyzer 4 points5 points ago

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Why hello there Jizzlekins! I am a bot!

I have studied your past comments here on Reddit to find out which words you use most frequently.

After analyzing 1079 unique words you've typed - I've found out these are your top 10 most used words:

[–]Right_on_BRO 3 points4 points ago

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173 "bondage"

Used 3 times

[–]jck 1 point2 points ago*

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analyze me, please. I really really love useless statistics. I am not being sarcastic.

[–]Word_Analyzer 4 points5 points ago

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Why hello there jck! I am a bot!

I have studied your past comments here on Reddit to find out which words you use most frequently.

After analyzing 1229 unique words you've typed - I've found out these are your top 10 most used words:

[–]cptcliche 1 point2 points ago

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Who makes these things?!

[–]railroad-redditor 1 point2 points ago

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Unemployed software engineers?

[–]OsterGuard 0 points1 point ago

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Do me please?

[–]grigri 0 points1 point ago

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Hey, that's cool - can you do me?

[–]Kelvara 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like someone spams the promote button.

[–]redFF 0 points1 point ago

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could you do me?

[–]slycurgus 0 points1 point ago

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"Who, that's one (lol) been got about... Get made much?"

My god, it's nearly coherent...

[–]iliketohighfivy 5 points6 points ago

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Old post is old. 5 years old

[–]chucKing 1 point2 points ago

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I think I read this on the internet some 10 years ago. Bad form.

[–]WkE 1 point2 points ago

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It's official. This is my new favorite past time. I'm thinking about building an M&M gladiator arena. Mwahaha fight for my amusement little candies.

[–]Eskelsar 1 point2 points ago

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I kind of do that with frosted flakes. The biggest one is the king.

[–]karmaceutical 1 point2 points ago

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the order of operations

1: posted to CL in 2007 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

  1. posted to reddit several times

  2. posted to 4chan

  3. screencapped from 4chan and uploaded to imgur

  4. posted to reddit

i have no problem with reposts, but i have a problem with reposts of reposts if ripoffs if reposts.

[–]Lots42 1 point2 points ago

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FWD: FWD: FWD: RE: RE: RE:

[–]EndOnAnyRoll 1 point2 points ago

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I did a similar thing with popcorn.

Each one was a spaceship. Two would duel. The loser would be eaten and the winner would continue to the next battle.

Due to the different shapes that popping the old corn would produce made for many models of ship. Some were build for more defensive play and others had kick ass weapons attached.

Shit was so cash.

[–]solitaryman098 1 point2 points ago

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This is almost older than the internet itself.

[–]threedollarscash 1 point2 points ago

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If someone could make a reddit mod so that I can give this the 500 upvotes it deserves, that'd be great.

[–]zanthany 10 points11 points ago

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Have all my upboats even though it's from 4chan. I was going through life thinking I was the only person in the world who did the M&M Wars thing.

[–]uptheaffiliates 5 points6 points ago

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I do this but only with peanut butter m&ms

[–]Bipolarruledout 16 points17 points ago

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Reese's Pieces or GTFO you charlatan!

[–]runedeadthA 1 point2 points ago

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Don't have either in my country :(

[–]Bipolarruledout 0 points1 point ago

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This is not necessarily a bad thing.

[–]Carnolol 1 point2 points ago

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Try it with Skittles!

[–]66xsseldoG 1 point2 points ago

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Grapes, here.

[–]mugsnj 2 points3 points ago

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TIL Mars Chocolate USA is based in Hackettstown.

Also, TIL Mars makes Combos. And dog food.

[–]Bipolarruledout 2 points3 points ago

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Friend of mine worked at Petsmart and the dog food rep always brought them chocolate. True story bro.

[–]malachilundell20 0 points1 point ago

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I've been to one of the plants that makes the dog food. That is probably one of the worse smells someone can experience at 6 am.

[–]whatisitwhatisit 0 points1 point ago

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Grew up in Hackettstown. The town always smells like chocolate and the factory is nearly identical to the one in willy wonka. True story.

[–]WarPhalange 5 points6 points ago

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There can be only one.

Nah, I've seen this at least 5 times already.

[–]PardonMyTits 1 point2 points ago

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Seriously? This again?

[–]Various_Pickles 2 points3 points ago

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Although this is (at minimum) the 19th repost, I feel compelled to upboat.

[–]kafitz 0 points1 point ago

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i used to hold the same tournaments when i was five years old. forgot all about that little compulsion until now. that's really neat.

[–]LawfulFelafel 0 points1 point ago

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I've tried this, I was bored in Bio class. It doesn't really work because once an M&M has competed, it's too weak to continue and it loses to the next contestant. Also my winner (who beat 3, surprisingly) was blue. Just sayin'.

[–]tabret2004 0 points1 point ago

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I do this, up until the point of sending the winner to Mars Corp...

[–]TigerRuns 0 points1 point ago

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This made me laugh hysterically.

[–]csmblair 0 points1 point ago

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i thought i was the only one who did this...

[–]VolcanoIronfist 0 points1 point ago

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Who cares how old it is. I've read this countless times, but it's so well/hilariously written, I don't mind reading it again. And again.

[–]Rorshache 0 points1 point ago

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So who won?

[–]bearigator 0 points1 point ago

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I am going to do this from now on. THIS WILL BE SO FUN.

[–]ProbJustBSing 0 points1 point ago

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punchline. title.

[–]drwconnor 0 points1 point ago

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I used to do this all the fucking time!

[–]chucknorrisismyson 0 points1 point ago

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This is surprisingly enlightening.

[–]HermanPain 0 points1 point ago

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Weird. I had no idea this joke was that old. I only heard it once before, when Will Wright told it via PowerPoint at the Game Developer's Conference in 2010. TIL Will Wright can't be trusted.

[–]supnietzsche 0 points1 point ago

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I really wish that reposts from 4chan didn't make me laugh.

[–]WeeWeePeePeePooPoo 0 points1 point ago

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"whoever" "wrote" the "title" to this post: the "correct" "phrase" is: There can be only one. Leon Fahted

[–]IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 0 points1 point ago

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i dont care what anyone says,this is fucking hilarious.

[–]autobulb 0 points1 point ago

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I love how people think 4chan is the origin of all original content yet this shit is constantly reposted and claimed as orginal.

[–]knurdshogun 0 points1 point ago

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I used to do the same thing with skittles!

[–]drchickenbeer 0 points1 point ago

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Congratulations! Your repost has been entered into the Repost Hall of Fame!

http://www.reddit.com/r/rhof/comments/ptoss/rhof_these_mms_have_evolved_into_hyperintelligent/

[–]phd2k1 0 points1 point ago

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I did this with Skittles in 10th grade biology for an entire semester. Saved the winners from each week in a zip lock, and ate them at the end of the year to absorb their power.

[–]SaintSorryass 0 points1 point ago

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Does anyone remember where this actualy came from? When I first saw it this time, I remembered it being Drew (Later of toothpaste for dinner), but it does not look like his writing at all. Maybe it was just a random ever forwarded thing, but I have some sort of momory of it being one of thoes 90s proto blog men. Lotax maybe?

[–]Belutak 0 points1 point ago

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what that sound that starts to grow in background? oh it seems like spontaneous clapping. Bravo

[–]jottfrog 0 points1 point ago

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After reading this my brain kicked in the song "Princes of the Universe", did that happen to anybody else?

[–]lightspeed23 0 points1 point ago

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IT'S A FUCKING AD.

Also the correct term is: "There can be only one".

[–]Dark_Lotus 0 points1 point ago

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I did this with goldfish minus sending them in

[–]blazemore 0 points1 point ago

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If only M&Ms could breed.

[–]UndercoverCats 0 points1 point ago

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My little brother told me about this a month ago... I've done it ever since.

[–]adictgamer 0 points1 point ago

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Damn you, my next bag of M&M's will now take me forever to eat.

[–]TysonJS 0 points1 point ago

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all the yes here

[–]crash_dalco 0 points1 point ago

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a brave new vision emerges. Absolutely brilliant.

[–]gallagh9 0 points1 point ago

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The title is false. I think I have seen this 5 times.

[–]fireseed_ 0 points1 point ago

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there is even a timestamp on it, from '07 why bother posting?

[–]fluo-rida 0 points1 point ago

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FUCKING REPOST. I AM SICK OF REPOSTS

[–]CHEEZYSPAM 0 points1 point ago

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FUCKING REPOST. I AM SICK OF REPOSTS

[–]tie_me_down 0 points1 point ago

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I AM SICK OF REPOSTS. FUCKING REPOST

[–]DuhLibrarian 1 point2 points ago

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REPOST REPOSTS. I AM SICK OF FUCKING

[–]Ruleroftheblind 0 points1 point ago

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There can only be one.

It's said correctly in the post but the title is off... ಠ_ಠ

[–]Loimere 0 points1 point ago

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haha, I do this, with Skittles as well

[–]Sharpedgs 0 points1 point ago

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Does this count as playing god?

[–]DarkMaverik 0 points1 point ago

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Huh. I've never read this story before, and yet, I recently did this very thing with Peanut M&M's. The first one I picked survived the entire bag. Then my friend ate it :\

[–]karmaceutical 0 points1 point ago

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this was originally a craigslist best of, so this appears to be a reddit tepost of a 4chan repost of a craigslist best of reposy

[–]Iamgoingtooffendyou[!] 0 points1 point ago

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I bet whoever wrote this is fat.

[–]trustedsource 0 points1 point ago

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Welp, I'm never eating M&Ms the same way again.

[–]GoneShootin90 0 points1 point ago

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This is the soundtrack

[–]nolongerilurk 0 points1 point ago

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I always imagine I'm biting in to small rodent skulls when I eat peanut m&m's. Just sayin'

[–]empiriq 0 points1 point ago

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This guy must have the a lot of time.

[–]lilbowski 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck You

[–]Alkanfel 0 points1 point ago

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I do this with skittles sometimes :O

I don't think I ever had one that survived more than three rounds though. Even if they win, they get weakened. A fresh one will always take them down eventually.

[–]lusciouslou 0 points1 point ago

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Ultimate M&M.

[–]DuhLibrarian 0 points1 point ago

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Old, decrepit, REPOST

[–]MrAlakad 0 points1 point ago

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i did something similar as a kid, except with m&ms retarded cousin, smarties. i'd divide them by colour and then i'd proceed to have a war between the armies, smashing on colour on top of another to see which one breaks and eating the broken one. i can confirm that the brown and red armies almost always won but it's kind of unfair because there are more brown and red candies in every package. selection bias?

[–]kayoige 0 points1 point ago

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Brilliant.

[–]celsius232 0 points1 point ago

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Every time I read this I mentally create a better testing methodology.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I just got in trouble for laughing out loud in my English class, thanks dick.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This should have been the plot of The Hunger Games.

[–]ZMichu 0 points1 point ago

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I <3 this...it has inspired my weekend plans! :-)

[–]cjf5555 0 points1 point ago

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Goldfish are better fighters.

[–]obsidiannight21 0 points1 point ago

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I do this, too! :O

[–]BoColdBlooded 0 points1 point ago

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Um... I saw this as someone's profile on a dating site.

[–]Blackfire43 0 points1 point ago

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I have a friend who does this with skittles and he has for years. He just doesnt send the genetically superior one back for breeding. I think he saves them and has some kind of weird collection of super skittles.

[–]imthefooI 0 points1 point ago

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I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

[–]sabs707 0 points1 point ago

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tasty goodness

[–]capesmithpavilion 0 points1 point ago

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All M&Ms should be created equal because no matter what the color they all taste the same.

[–]Bipolarruledout 4 points5 points ago

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The red ones taste like cancer.

[–]asshatnowhere 0 points1 point ago

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wow i knew i wasnt the only one. i did this with skittles though

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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NO! I can understand how many people haven't seen this already, that's reasonable. But HOW could there be 220 people who voted up against down? Fuck this.

[–]mikeydrew -1 points0 points ago

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Hey man I did that with goldfish as a kid. The only problem is that the earlier ones undergo more stress so even the strongest, if found early on, may not make it to be the one survivor.

[–]m0h3k4n 0 points1 point ago

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Such is life in the arena of battle.

[–]PalermoJohn -1 points0 points ago

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newfags...

[–]AiLeAh -2 points-1 points ago

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epic.

[–]Herpderp84 -1 points0 points ago

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...and this is why I love the internet.

[–]paetactics -1 points0 points ago

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Older than the internet

[–]slrarp -4 points-3 points ago

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Checkmate, theists!

[–]TheLonelyStranger -2 points-1 points ago

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I honestly thought I was the only one that did that.

[–]Gnome__Chomsky -2 points-1 points ago

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fucking 4chan.

[–]lukehoop -5 points-4 points ago

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this is freakin' hilarious

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