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all 118 comments

[–]Ian1732 104 points105 points ago

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If evolution is true, why aren't we covered in dicks? CHECKMATE.

[–]Lurker0001 34 points35 points ago

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Eventually, we might be. Because, internet.

[–]Bumblebree 15 points16 points ago

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Just because you arent...

[–]Narissis 49 points50 points ago

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I heard George Washington had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.

[–]ahkistler 3 points4 points ago

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And a brain for a heart.

[–]Msj2705 7 points8 points ago*

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I thought all of his were wooden, though?

[–]Narissis 9 points10 points ago

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I thought they were made of radiation, like the rest of him.

[–]Msj2705 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe it was hippo teeth/bones or something?

I know it's something normal sounding like that, though.

[–]Kurskovich 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, if you took off his boot, you'd see the dicks growing off his feet!

[–]Narissis 5 points6 points ago

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He once held an opponent's wife's hand.

In a jar of acid.

At a party.

[–]Vicious_Violet 3 points4 points ago

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He'll save children, but not the British children.

[–]Bumblebree 0 points1 point ago

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All of which were MASSIVE.

[–]SefuHotman 2 points3 points ago

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I actually saw this very diagram in a lecture in college. They meant it. ಥ_ಥ

[–]Theamazinghanna 1 point2 points ago

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What kind of college did you go to?

[–]Vicious_Violet 1 point2 points ago

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I bet it was accredited!!! /sarcasm

[–]SefuHotman 0 points1 point ago

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It was, but after taking the science courses I was amazed that was the case.

[–]SefuHotman 1 point2 points ago

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It was Liberty. Nice people. Questionable grasp of the sciences. Specifically Evo Sci.

[–]Rebuhl 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know if they still do, but they used to do an info-mercial thing after 700 club. I didn't have cable or internet for a while and only got 2 channels over-the-air, so I would watch those for my daily dose of WTF. It never failed to leave me thinking "How are people so stupid?" followed shortly by "How are they a college?"

[–]SefuHotman 0 points1 point ago

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They probably still do. Nothing can stifle the faith of a man like seeing the awesome ways other men seek to shape it in their image.

[–]notimetoulouse 1 point2 points ago

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HAH! I caught you, time travelling Freud!

[–]MadWombat 1 point2 points ago

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You cannot explain that!

[–]DocBrown1984 38 points39 points ago

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Well I'm convinced now. Seems evolution is a crock of shit. I'm now a creationist.

[–]illicit_injun 23 points24 points ago

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http://missinguniversemuseum.com/Exhibit25.htm The best page of that website I believe.

[–]OxfordComma1019 18 points19 points ago

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From the bottom of the page: "If you don't believe God created all living things, male and female, in 6 days.... How many millions of years was it between the first male and the first female?"

Checkmate, Atheists!

[–]reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedit 8 points9 points ago

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please be satirical. please for the love of everything be satirical.

[–]Kelphatron9000 8 points9 points ago

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I'm convinced that it is. Even creationists aren't stupid enough to think clocks can actually evolve... right? Right?

[–]derptyherp 2 points3 points ago

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I...don't think it is.

[–]zburdsal 1 point2 points ago

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[–]PENIS_IN_MAH_MOUTH_ 7 points8 points ago*

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I really don't think it is. Here's some text....

If all human beings came from Adam and Eve, how come we have the different races of people?

First of all, in the Bible account of Creation, God created all living things, male and female after their kind. In other words, a kind is one that can mate and reproduce fertile offspring to carry on the species. All so called races of people can mate with one another and produce fertile offspring. Therefore according to the Bible all humans are of the same kind! As far as God is concerned, there are no races. We are all the human kind with different traits like skin color, etc.

The answer to the question is that God created us with a tremendous range of variety in skin color, hair color, eye color, and shapes of facial features, etc. Adam and Eve had the whole range of chromosomes or genes originally. Not all combinations are passed on to offspring. In just a few generations, a population of people could be selectively bred out to be white or black for example. If a white person and a black person mate, their offspring can then again be white or black or any where in between.

http://missinguniversemuseum.com/faqanswer1.htm

Also, go here: http://missinguniversemuseum.com/faqanswer11.htm

[–]DukeSpraynard 6 points7 points ago

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I have some issues with your comment. I was about to point out some logical flaws and biblical errors, then I realized all that text was from the site. Now I just want some chest-trunks, shoulder-feet, and knee-dicks.

[–]reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedit 2 points3 points ago*

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yeah i know i read like 5 pages or so before i violently puked in a trashcan and lost about half my faith in society.

Population always follows a sharp curve like this because it is exponential [therefore world could not be older than 3-4k]

He has programmed the living so that they know how to lift their arm, make the heart to beat, and the lungs to breathe.The Evolutionists would have us believe that this knowledge also just happened by chance over millions of years.

Evolution would continually duplicate every kind of life since it is an ongoing, random process. Therefore, if Evolution is ongoing, extinction would never occur

gif = poof http://missinguniversemuseum.com/gcmtest.gif

Then all of this 13,000 feet of sediments eroded away without leaving a trace! The only reason they make statements like this is that the rock layers are missing the fossils that they think should be there!

Noah's Ark was definitely large enough to hold 2 of each kind of animal. Noah would have taken the young rather than full grown individuals as portrayed in the movies and books. the movies and books.

Also consider that these logs must have been petrified rapidly. Otherwise they would have suffered decay and erosion before they could be preserved.

On March 7, 1998, we dumped some toy bricks onto this table to see what kind of house Evolution could build with them.

vomit alright enough of that. time to drink.

[–]femaiden -1 points0 points ago

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http://missinguniversemuseum.com/LinksEmail.htm Someone please get into a fight with them or post the email. The address isn't posted, and it links to Outlook. If anyone here is still in the 90's and has outlook, post their email address and let me start yelling at them.

[–]RedHillian 5 points6 points ago

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That took me all of a second to get. It's right there if you hover/click on it.

Seriously.

[–]tripleblack 1 point2 points ago

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Welcome to the Internet. It's 2012. A lot has changed since the last time we talked.

[–]OctieveSan 11 points12 points ago

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Cross post this to /r/atheism. They'll love this shit.

[–]TheGuv29[S] 7 points8 points ago

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Done and done

[–]12blackrainbows 29 points30 points ago

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I don't think evolution means what they think it means.

[–]Lampmonster1 11 points12 points ago

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Well that's pretty much the problem. Everyone I've ever heard argue against evolution had little or no understanding of what it is.

"If we evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys?"

"How come I've never seen a dog give birth to a cat?"

"Why aren't there bullet proof deer?"

[–]despaxes 2 points3 points ago

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"Why aren't there bullet proof deer?"

That, while worded poorly, does raise the point of "Why haven't animals we have hunted for thousands of years evolved into having thicker skin?"

[–]Lampmonster1 4 points5 points ago

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Ever seen the skin on a rhino?

[–]despaxes 2 points3 points ago

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We never really hunted rhinos that often though did we?

[–]vw209 5 points6 points ago

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Other animals did.

[–]Lampmonster1 1 point2 points ago

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Animals don't really evolve in response to direct pressures. Mutations are actually random, and are passed on by the success or failure of the mutant to survive and breed. So it doesn't really matter if they were hunted. An animal was born with thicker skin, it lived and had children, it eventually outlived, out screwed and replaced another species for whatever reason. That's how evolution works.

[–]xespera 5 points6 points ago

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Evolution isn't about an individual animal gaining long lasting survival. It is about traits being passed on.

For example, if all mature animals begin to die off due to hunting (We don't often hunt the children) then the genes that allow the animal to live a long time stop mattering, and may begin to dilute in favor of genes that allow breeding more frequently, or earlier sexual maturity.

One real life example of an animal that HAS 'evolved' in our lifetime: Fish

When fishing, there are often size restrictions; if it is too small you have to throw it back. So, we have been selectively removing the "Grow Big" gene from many fish populations. The smaller ones can reproduce, big ones die, and now fish are getting smaller

[–]despaxes 1 point2 points ago

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I understand that, but skin thickness should be a trait that matters. Deer with thicker skin are more likely to survive a lot of different shots (Especially back when we still hunted with spears or arrows) yet deer haven't had those traits proliferate (more than typical genetic mutation/ coincidence/the sampling that would probably have it anyways).

Is the amount of deer we kill just so negligible it doesn't affect the evolution?

[–]PubicWildlife 2 points3 points ago

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Also thicker shin would probably make a deer slower, and thus easier to hunt- with a lithe frame the ability to escape would be a dominant trait, as opposed to slower but tougher.

[–]xespera 2 points3 points ago

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It's not just the number killed, but how they are killed, and how the genes for thicker skin would express.

Slightly thicker skin would still be pierced by an arrow. Significantly would mean sharper or heavier arrows/spears, or new methods for killing. In the end, unless the change posed an active benefit in the changed animal breeding it would be less likely to have a long-term effect on the gene pool.

They may be more likely adapt in ways that prevented being hunted at all. Behaviorally that may be migrating to different areas or keeping distance from people. Evolutionary changes would possibly include things like better vision and hearing, ability to move faster, and ability to escape quickly when it thinks it senses a predator.

Thicker skin, or other approaches that fight a predator head-on, would require winning the fight and breeding children that won the fight and bred, and so on and so on. It can be a harder path than running away.

Most prey animals get better at running than they do at fighting

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]despaxes 1 point2 points ago

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I forgot about elk/kin of deer o_o. Thank you for reminding me.

I feel silly now.

[–]shitterplug 0 points1 point ago

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Some elephants have stopped growing tusks because of poachers...

[–]inarticulat 5 points6 points ago

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inconceivable!

[–]miksedene 0 points1 point ago

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[–]sheravi 11 points12 points ago

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I don't know, hotdog shoulders seems like a good idea to me.

[–]IAmThePat 5 points6 points ago

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Same with nipple eyes.

[–]DukeSpraynard 3 points4 points ago

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I think I might have those already. My eyes automatically point at nipples.

[–]Admiral_Fancypants -1 points0 points ago

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Where are my shoulder feet?

[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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Have you checked your senseless elbows?

[–]Admiral_Fancypants 2 points3 points ago

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My senseless elbow-dicks don't know where they are either, but now they won't shut up.

[–]cowme 16 points17 points ago

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[–]GreenSpleen6 8 points9 points ago

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I'm Old Greg!

[–]GreenAdder 7 points8 points ago

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"I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going."

[–]AndruRC 12 points13 points ago

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Don't visit the URL in the image. You'll just get a headache from facepalming so hard.

[–]Narissis 5 points6 points ago

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I looked at it. Now my glasses are permanently fused to my face.

[–]Msj2705 2 points3 points ago

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I'm sure it's still more comfortable than wearing contacts.

[–]TheGuv29[S] 5 points6 points ago

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Why didn't I listen to you?

[–]Mikefer 4 points5 points ago

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Why didn't I listen to both of you.

[–]anim8 3 points4 points ago

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I think I went to high school with that guy on the right.

[–]spacexplosion 4 points5 points ago

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It's a pretty cool site. I like how the appendix isn't addressed at all in that argument.

[–]MarsTraveler 1 point2 points ago

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That is hilarious. I agree with you about the appendix argument. When you search the rest of the sight, they compare evolution to machines and static objects. "How about the pyramids of Egypt? Do you think they just evolved over millions of years?" lol

[–]TheBoxTalks 5 points6 points ago

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Does that guy have eyes for nipples? Girls would have to say, "My eyes are down here," and we'd respond, "Yes. Yes they are."

[–]STUN_Runner -1 points0 points ago

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SNL should have done a sketch about that.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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[–]DumbAmerican 4 points5 points ago

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Are all creationists latent homosexuals?

[–]Meikov 2 points3 points ago

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Homosexual here, I'm more interested in vagina than penis.

[–]iamthetruemichael 1 point2 points ago

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Now THAT is an interesting statement. Heterosexual here, what on Earth do you mean? I mean, how would I put this, There is nothing really "sexually attractive" about a vagina. It's not pretty (neither are penises) - what is sexually attractive is a cute woman's bum, her breasts, fingers, toes, her eyes, her eyelashes, her lips, and nose, and cheeks... positions. Positions are what is attractive. A beautiful woman just laying awkwardly on a couch with her body stiff and uncomfortable, or lazy and unenergetic? Not attractive.

So when you say vagina is interesting, (especially being homosexual) I have to ask.

[–]Meikov 5 points6 points ago

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Iiiii'm a lesbian. Just pointing out that when people think gay, they think of two burly dudes fucking.

[–]RedHillian 2 points3 points ago

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I'm certainly thinking of that now... brb -> bunk.

[–]iamthetruemichael 3 points4 points ago

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Go to your room

[–]RedHillian 0 points1 point ago

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Well, I'm here now but there's an absence of other burly dudes for me. :(

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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lol I know. But for the record, you didn't say gay either. you said homosexual.

the word homosexual always makes me think of gay men (opposed to lesbians) because of the old misconception that "homo" meant "man" as in Latin word for man, Homo sapiens, etc... rather it means "same" because it is from Greek, not Latin.

Obviously I am aware of the meaning of the word and that it applies to either (or all?) gender(s) lol

Part of the reason I assumed you were a gay guy might have been your statement itself.

"Homosexual here, I'm more interested in vagina than penis."

it's quite intuitive that a gay man would be more interested in penis. Which is why I assumed that you were a gay guy, making an unintuitive statement. I wasn't sure why a lesbian would make such an obvious (in retrospect) statement until just a moment ago. You (I presume) were countering this:

"Are all creationists latent homosexuals?" (the OP basically reeks of penis, but the DumbAmerican associated penis with homosexuality unnecessarily. You were pointing out the perception that homosexuals are interested in penis, as a group, is false, since as many homosexuals are women as men) right?

[–]Meikov 0 points1 point ago

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[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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lol I was like "whoa.. my name is Michael Scott too"

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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And no, I try not to think of two burly dudes fucking, under any circumstances xD

[–]meh-aidez 1 point2 points ago

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balls slapping on a hairy sweaty ass.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I have to disagree -- a nicely formed vagina is extremely sexually attractive, and rather pretty. The rest of her, all those things you mentioned, are attractive too, but don't leave the vagina out; they aren't all roast beef sandwiches.

[–]iamthetruemichael 1 point2 points ago

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no that's true. some of them are gorgeous

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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But this makes me wonder why do you say you're homosexual and not bisexual?

[–]TheNerdWithNoName 0 points1 point ago

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One can be a homosexual female. Homosexual means being attracted to ones own sex as opposed to the opposite sex.

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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Oh wow.... REALLY??? omg. Tell me more

[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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The vagina is not beautiful; it is a mess of fleshy anatomy.

Thinking about what a vagina means (and feels like) makes it boner-poppingly beautiful.

[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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However, a "love flower" is inherently beautiful.

[–]OxfordComma1019 0 points1 point ago

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I just assumed she's a lesbian.

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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Ha, that makes sense. I didn't even think about it.

[–]iamthetruemichael 0 points1 point ago

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but if a lesbian, isn't it a moot point that she's more interested in vagina? I mean, duhh we knowwww :P

[–]DumbAmerican 1 point2 points ago

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You are in the right subreddit

[–]iamthetruemichael 2 points3 points ago

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No, they are all freaks of nature. They are what happens when an animal becomes convinced that it is not an animal. When that animal decides to wage war on it's own method of reproduction and it's primary source of pleasure and enjoyment of its existence. These people are basically one brainfuck away from cutting off their genitals (Sorry Somalia) and stoning anyone they can find who they can prove enjoys sexual intercourse (Sorry Iran)

Their opposition to Evolution is based entirely upon one thing: it is a rational, well developed theory that effectively discredits their beliefs. They feel the same way about everything rational that discredits ANY of their beliefs.

[–]DumbAmerican 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, those folks are strange. They make me feel like I'm in the Middle Ages. I was mainly noting the phallic imagery on Evolution Man and the soft Ken-doll body on the Creationist man. Shoulda said latent male homosexuals.

[–]shamecamel 1 point2 points ago

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How can I take anybody who creates this tripe seriously?

[–]haemess 1 point2 points ago

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That's all the proof I needed.

[–]VictorSavage 1 point2 points ago

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My head went full on derp.

[–]Luxray 1 point2 points ago

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"But" said the creationist, "the engine is still hot and steaming, and there is also grass growing underneath the car. It couldn't grow in the shade".

I just want to point out that I used to own a trampoline and the grass under it (in the shade) was always like twice the length of the grass surrounding the trampoline...

[–]TheothercaptianD 1 point2 points ago

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This is true

[–]pzanon 1 point2 points ago

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Guys, they are offering a million dollars if we can provide evidence proving just one instance of evolution! We're gonna be rich!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Wacky fundies!

[–]budgie 0 points1 point ago

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That was a great X-Files episode.

[–]DukeSpraynard 0 points1 point ago

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Why did I start humming They Might Be Giants?

[–]yamaha893 0 points1 point ago

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was this made by the timecube guy?

[–]NoeZ 0 points1 point ago

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So I googled the link: http://missinguniversemuseum.com/Evtest.htm

This website is hilarious, I love American Godnuts :D

[–]WannabeGroundhog 1 point2 points ago

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American Christian here, just wanted to apologize for that site in general. I promise we aren't all bat-shit insane.

[–]NoeZ 1 point2 points ago

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Oh I know you're not all insane, thank god for that, I just hate the crazy ones :D (religious or not i'm not found of close minded people, but the christian ones are just a riot !)

[–]AbandonedIdentity 0 points1 point ago

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Ahhhhh, no. Just no.

[–]mephisto623 0 points1 point ago

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i never leave comments on reddit because everyone leaves comments that are far more superior than mine.

[–]Weirdshitrocks 0 points1 point ago

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Check mate aetheists??? Creationists you are beyond ignorant, don't assume you are even playing the same game as those who know about evolution. Stop acting like you know how to play a game that requires logic and reason and piss off and play Hungry Hungry Hippos, it's more suited to your limited intellectual capacity.

[–]snapp3r 0 points1 point ago

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Someone needs to take up this challenge.

[–]thebigrico 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know if anyone has already brought this up, but is the reason that you searched for Vestigial Tail because of the intro to Tobuscus' cutewinfail ep.62 ?

[–]znfinger 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Someone's got a burning case of penis envy!

[–]pixlfarmer 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

They forgot to remove the nipples on Creation Man.

[–]Jayx -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

the eye nipples got me