If you believe the Noah's Ark story really happened, are you insane?

monstereddit · 7 months

What if Noah was an alien that took 120 years to collect the DNA from all those animals/insects? And the inside of the ark was a lab where he could use the DNA to clone animals to eat, and a water purification system.

Mogarf · 7 months

It's obviously god working in his mysterious ways again. What a rascal!

nemoxnine · 7 months

2,000,000 insects???

NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^{NOPE^NOPE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Leave me a'shore, boys.

RandomUsername4290 · 7 months

Speaking of the flood, one need only know a little history of literature to know that the Bible ripped off that story.

The Epic of Gilgamesh has nearly the exact same story as the Bible, and Gilgamesh was written at least 1500 years before the Torah.

Here's the summary from Gilgamesh:

"Ea, the god of wisdom, warned Utnapishtim about the gods’ plans and told him how to fashion a gigantic boat in which his family and the seed of every living creature might escape. When the waters finally receded, the gods regretted what they’d done and agreed that they would never try to destroy humankind again. "

Sound familiar?

Xylemicarious · 7 months

It was a dark day when I realized that people thought this was literal, and not of the same ilk as Cinderella's pumpkin turning into a carriage.

Jeez, someone probably takes the carriage thing literally too...

Americium · 7 months

Delusional, not insane. :3

HellHaven · 7 months

No one said that the animals were comfortable.

JoshFaber69 · 7 months

When I think of Noah's Ark I think of the magic tent from Harry Potter.

yabaininja · 7 months

Another thing is that Noah used Asphalt to seal the hull of the ark. If Asphalt was around then there would have to have been dead dinosaurs and plants underground for millions of years.

SomeguyUK · 7 months

[deleted]

Ldawgity · 7 months

Don't forget about freshwater + saltwater mixing killing all freshwater animals. Oh, and what about the plants? Plants don't take too kindly to being submerged in salt water for any amount of time. And furthermore I would like to hear an explanation for pond dwelling flies which reproduce in time frames of less than a day? Surely even if you had two of them they would become a thousand. And further furthermore, what about animals which reproduce asexually? only need one?

weazy21 · 7 months

It also took 120 years to build the ark. It's ridiculous.

GiPwner · 7 months

To be fair this is not the most stupid thing that they believe, which as I'm saying this makes me realize they are even more stupid than I thought.

kr613 · 7 months

Depends...from an Islamic stand point, Noah did not put all of Earth's animals on the ark, rather it was just the animals that are being herded and being taken care of by Noah. Also, as opposed to Christianity, Muslims also believe that the flood was regional rather than world wide or in a large scale.

YourNameHere · 7 months

Actual conversation with my brother:

Me: So, do you actually believe in Noah's Ark?

Brother: Oh, yes. It's one of the best examples of the power of God.

Me: So you actually believe that Noah built a vessel that was big enough to hold and sustain not only every life form on earth, but TWO of every life form on earth?

Brother: Well, you have to remember that not everything in the bible is meant to be taken literally. It teaches us through stories and parables about the power of God's love.

Me: Fair enough. But do you really believe in Noah's Ark?

Brother: Oh, Yes.

Me: facepalm

T3tsuya · 7 months

I love the Noah's Ark story for sake of debating. If you read Genesis you'll notice a few things:

God floods the earth to punish all humans for being immoral - But at this point in the Bible he hasn't yet given directives on morality. (Other than don't eat fruit that yields knowledge)
The author goes to great lengths to show the connection between Adam and Noah. If you take one literally, you have to take the other literally to avoid intellectual dishonesty.
Using modern science, history and logic, it's fairly easy to show that the Noah's Ark story couldn't be real.
If Noah's Ark isn't real then Adam & Eve aren't real because they come from the same story line (different parts of the same book, so to speak). If they aren't real, where does original sin come from? If there is no original sin, we no longer need a redeemer aka Jesus.

I'm sure one could find flaws or loopholes to this argument, but for most people it will sow seeds of doubt.

faps_to_comments · 7 months

When I was going to Biola University (a private christian university) I would always think about this but specifically with regards to the miracles jesus did. My thought was "people who are not christians should label me insane because I literally believe in things like jesus walking on water and his ascension"

Thank science that I became an atheist with a minor in biblical studies.

NRGT · 7 months

Clearly the original writers of the bible just didnt fully understand what happened.

What we have here is obviously a completely factual story about the doctor in his youth, evacuating all life from a doomed planet and moving everyone to earth in his TARDIS(before it go stuck in police box mode). Unfortunately, on arrival he also accidentally all the dinosaurs. Thus, this is why he has now commissioned the BBC to film his biography instead of silly primitive people writing it down on some paper and losing the vast majority of it leaving us with only fragments stuffed into a small book.

hereiam2 · 7 months

Well that puts a real damper on the whole God thing.

Gopher would is really quite good...

Perhaps we should worship Gopher wood?

Mookychew · 7 months

That boat must have smelled AWFUL

linzy · 7 months

I was also taught that it had never rained before. Sometimes I think back and wonder how I ever believed any of it.

TheRealYeti · 7 months

I don't have any sources to link but it is my understanding that nearly every civilization has had a flood myth similar to Noah's Ark. They probably originate from the melting period following the last ice age. For example, the black sea suffered massive flooding when a natural dam was breached and the water level raised dramatically. This all happened something like 12,000 years ago so if you think about it the story may be based on fact but has been diluted over several thousand years of oral history. I'm not saying that an 800 year old man gathered up two of every species on earth onto a big wooden boat, but there probably was some guy with a little foresight who loaded up breeding pairs of his livestock so he could move and start a over.

Dann01 · 7 months

no to mention, if the worlds oceans rise to cover all land on the face of the planet. How do all the inland, fresh water fish survive when there habitat is contaminated with sea water?

metamemetics · 7 months

Not unless you also build a museum about it that claims dinosaurs fit as well: http://blessedfamilyofflowers.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/dsc_00801.jpg

leizarius · 7 months

Undetectable extension charm

KurtRobo · 7 months

I think people will enjoy this

skettimnstr · 7 months

Seems like a lot of trouble just to get rid of a few humans. Shouldn't he have just thrown them into the ocean, instead of throwing the ocean into them?

BiteTheShark · 7 months

My favorite defense of Noah's Ark was the idea that all the animals were babies. It clears up so much room!

supermario182 · 7 months

Maybe he had FUCKING POKEBALLS!

_pupil_ · 7 months

Never ascribe to insanity that which can adequately be described by stupidity or being lied to as a child.

Varajsh · 7 months

The only way this would make sense is if there were much MUCH fewer animals back then. That would mean they would've all had to evolve into the diff... wait, never mind then...

[deleted] · 7 months

yeah, but god. don't you get it?

jet_pack · 7 months

Also, most plants and many fish have to be on the ark as well.

leftsideofthelane · 7 months

I'm pretty sure that with the help of god, a neolithic carpenter could probably generate a pocket universe.

canadinaa · 7 months

never mind the fact that a lot of the species would prey on each other or compete with each other... oh and you know, its not like some of the species might reproduce a couple times during that year...

DeathToMemes · 7 months

You apparently havent seen ancient aliens or know about gene banks.

MasterMasturBater · 7 months

What about the fish?

msiclife20 · 7 months

Well, honestly, I think most people who actually think about it and believe that this happened actually in fact believe in a form of evolution after the fact.

Don't quote me on that though.

Diiiiirty · 7 months

there are about 900,000 known insect species and recent studies show there could be up to 8,000,000...that's a lot of bugs...its estimated that if you hang a 10ft x 10ft piece of flypaper in the amazon overnight, you will discover at least 10 new species per night.

ConcordApes · 7 months

If you believe the Noah's Ark story really happened, are you insane?

You could be 5 years old and lack a lot of knowledge of the world. OK. I didn't really buy it back when I was 5 either. It wasn't that I really bought it or didn't buy it. It was just one more children's story as far I was concerned indistinguishable from Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs. I guess it never crossed my mind that it was something to be taken seriously.

MeLdArmy · 7 months

What is this? A boat for ants? It needs to be at least...three times this size!

serviceenginesoon · 7 months

Many will call it faith. I think faith is akin to the black hole or heroin to the religious minded. Still wish them all the best. Also, what we know of the universe so far, I don't think we are to far off from that way of thinking. I think our understanding of the universe thus far is far worse than the earth is flat belief. Who knows, maybe I'm crazy

dudeabides86 · 7 months

Also, how did God get all the plants to begin growing again? They all would start from seeds and under mitosis. The land would be covered in all new plant life which takes more than a few years to grow. So how does everything get off the boat and feed on the food without extinguishing it all (plant eating animals)?

JupitersClock · 7 months

My parents believe this shit. It hurts to think about it =(

dudearino · 7 months

maybe 0_o

dudeabides86 · 7 months

You are missing all the fresh water animals and protists.

jon1228 · 7 months

Those are some EXTREMELY conservative estimates on species numbers. That is the equivalent of Noah taking two wolves and them EVOLVING into all the species of dog we have now.

bmlbml · 7 months

There were portal in the boat that lead to differnt dimensions where the animals could stay.

asdlkf · 7 months

Since phone booths have approx 390 m³ per m³ I have no problem with this.

Sentient545 · 7 months

Not to mention how totally fucked genetic diversity would be in a species being repopulated by only 2 individuals.

SpookedBoi · 7 months

God said it, I believe it, that settles it.

_pumpkinpies · 7 months

God made a file system to save space. It was really just Noah, his family, and an "Animals" folder.

katmaidog · 7 months

Aside from the impossibility of the Ark itself, i really get a kick out of the idea that all of the animals on Earth were in walking distance of the Ark when it happened.

pdsw · 7 months

Actually, I can make an assumption that Titanic was carrying at least 2 000 000 insects. Probably, billions, if you count the khm... pubic lice too.

phileris42 · 7 months

Noah's Ark is a problem. We'll have to call it an early state quantum phaenomenon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8eDynmmIAY (Firefly "Fixing the Bible" scene)

whatevers_clever · 7 months

have faith, bro

Supertrinko · 7 months

It's bigger on the inside.

[deleted] · 7 months

I vividly remember going to a youth group with my christian friend a few years back, and the dude on stage proclaiming that scientists figured out that only 10% of the ark was used, because humanity was too stubborn to listen and join Noah. Christians' be lying. What's new.

Gramma42ton · 7 months

Argh! You are using engineering witchcraft and facts to cloud my thoughts! Begone spawn of Satan!

HolyCornHolio · 7 months

Maybe Noah was a boss at organizing?

pfpga2 · 7 months

I am not from these bible/Christian towns so someone from them, Can serioysly tell me if someone believes that at 100 %? My mind gets broken if I try to imagine someone believing that.

mtldude1967 · 7 months

TIL you can make wood out of gophers.

Elimrawne · 7 months

We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat

MysticalCheese · 7 months

TIL people think Noah was the first pokemon trainer

SAMISNEAT · 7 months

I remember my guidence counselor for my freshmen year of high school had some inspirational quote that said something about the titanic being built by professionals and an ark being built by one man.

She was fucking dumb anyway.

Genmaken · 7 months

Why even waste time trying to debunk this ridiculous tale? It's not worth the time.

sittingathome · 7 months

I have no problem with people who follow a religion... but I think if you really want to the bible literally, you are already missing the point. Personally, I've always thought the stories were intended to be allegories used to teach moral/ethical lessons as well as explain historical events (e.g., RandomUserName4290's reference to Gilgamesh).

[deleted] · 7 months

i mean, seeing as the christians stole that story from the babylonians...

poteaser · 7 months

Not to mention what the animals did for food once they landed in an environment void of food. I'm guessing they would have eaten each other within a few weeks, or died.

AzoGalvat · 7 months

I like the idea that Noah is Doctor Who.

tellurian · 7 months

and freshwater fish

dcpeon · 7 months

does retarded count as insane? Insane people can be highly intelligent. I think susceptibility to religion is a mental disorder. Like susceptibility to jedi mind tricks.

jingerninja · 7 months

Relevant Joe Rogan stand up

dawkins4 · 7 months

There was a substantially fewer number of species back then.

The different species came about after the great flood with Noah.

The earth was still one land mass.

It was split up in the days of Peleg.

So once the continents occurred, you have natural selection, and all that wonderful stuff the Charles Darwin wrote so much about to explain all the variety of species of different animals throughout the world.

fld · 7 months

honest question.. who actually believes this?!
edit: i'm from europe.. nevermind.

medmanschultzy · 7 months

I believe we are vastly underestimating the number of species the ark needed to hold

7 months

[deleted]

liquidocean · 7 months

Don't forget to mention that it was all done by a man in his elder years.

Okhranka · 7 months

When I was a Christian I remember believing the story of Noah's ark not because it of facts, but because I had been told that accepting it as literally true was necessary for the rest of my belief. It's actually kind of scary the weirdness you end up having to accept. That's probably why it's taught to kid first, or left out when Christianity is introduced to adults. For rational people, they're only told about "God's love," and the "sacrifice of Jesus." Then, once they've become dependent of this mindset, they're told "Yeah, you actually have to believe in literally talking animals and that the Earth stood still for a day." So as ridiculous as it seems to us, some Christians just assume that it all had to happened. It's actually really disheartening to hear your adult sister explain how Balaam's donkey literally talked, and that obviously animals were "different back then." In summary, the oddities in the Bible are subconsciousness protected from any critical examination, often causing complete disconnects from reality. You just assume these things happened, even if you don't know how.

oscarasimov · 7 months

I think you're seriously failing to recognize the animal-capacity advantages of boats engineered with gopher wood.

muffinbatt · 7 months

That list of animals isn't even complete either. We STILL haven't discovered all species of animals, insects, etc. So there would be a shit ton more if it was ALL species of animals.

PineapplePhalluses · 7 months

Maybe the Ark, unlike the Titanic, had lots of lifeboats...

ValthePixie · 7 months

Basically if you believe the Noah's Ark story you are ignorant of reality. Just taking one species, marsupials. They would have had to stuck together not leaving a single one behind, crossed Asia, India, China and swam to Australia. Some ending up in America. It's a nonsense story. If it has any relation with reality it's exagerated beyond recognition of it.

ThoseArentMeerkats · 7 months

Well that's a compelling argument. Certainly, you couldn't fit ~2,043,400(/2?) different species of animal on an ordinary boat, that's preposterous.

But I think the part of the story you're misunderstanding is GODDUNNIT and if that doesn't work IT'S A METAPHOR.

RTsmith · 7 months

The flood story is completely plausible.

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/blacksea/ax/frame.html

For the record, I don't believe in the Noah part. I just believe that the "great flood" actually happened.

grazn8r · 7 months

They play this video at our local fair.

supermario182 · 7 months

it is likely that there were not as many species back then, or that he didn't actually get one of every single type. everything just evolved from what he had.

also, we have no idea what society was like before such a great disaster, they could have had 100 times as advanced technology as we have, maybe the ideas ive seen here already of him collecting dna and cloning them back after are true. maybe he had fucking Pokeballs!

wankd0rf · 7 months

Anyone with access to the internet who still believes in the literal truth of Noah's ark is quite simply an idiot, and their views on absolutely anything should immediately be suspect.

gahvandure · 7 months

Don't forget that, of all those mammals and birds, the Genesis account actually states that Noah took 7 each of the "clean" animals (which, it is noted, could possibly mean 7 pairs of each of the "clean" animals). So, the numbers would actually be much higher. The difference in space for 14 cows (rather than two), and the difference in the amount of food required, is huge.

hempels_sofa · 7 months

It must've been like the Tardis on the inside.


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