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we're visiting grandpa... (i.imgur.com)
submitted 8 months ago by alec801
[–]UlquiorraSchiffer 53 points54 points55 points 8 months ago
"This book doesn't have any answers!" - Homer Simpson on The Bible, The Simpsons Movie
[–]danmalo82 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
First thing that popped into my head was that line.
[–]jooes 19 points20 points21 points 8 months ago
"Grandma, you weren't even alive during World War 2... So you've never met Hitler, and despite what you may think, he most certainly was not a nice guy..."
I have to say this almost every time I visit my grandma. She's crazy.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 8 months ago
One of Hitlers housekeepers said, after the war, that Adolf was the nicest person she had ever met.
[–]TracyJackson 9 points10 points11 points 8 months ago
It was hard to meet nice persons in Nazi Germany.
[–]sTiKyt 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
It's easy to be nice when you're dead.
[–]UlquiorraSchiffer 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
I don't know. To be nice I tried playing dead at work, but the customers just thought I was actually dead.
[–]jooes 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago
Yeah, too bad the whole "slaughtered millions of people for no reason" kind of overshadows that.
I tried to explain that to my grandma too... She still thinks we should have teamed up with Germany...
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
Are you disputing that she said this?
[–]jooes 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
Which part? The part where my grandma is a Nazi, or the part where Hitlers housekeeper said he was a nice guy?
If it's the second part, she might have said that, I don't know... But Hitler was still a pretty big dick. I don't think there's any denying that.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago
How do you know how he conducted himself in private? Have you read biographies on Hitler that said he conducted his private business like a dick?
[–]jooes 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Are you seriously going to try to argue that Hitler was a nice guy?
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
Does the idea offend you that he might have been a nice guy in his personal life? I don't know if it is true, all I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like you know either.
[–]aescalante 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
In my opinion, all the good things that he did are vastly overshadowed by all the bad things that he did.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
That doesn't stop him from being nicer or more charismatic than any of us.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
wow, you went off the deep end there, buddy. he was a psychopath/sociopath, so clearly would have the ability to be charming when he wanted to.
Was Hitler ever really considered an actual psychopath/sociopath? I mean medically, is it an accurate description of him?
[–]jooes -2 points-1 points0 points 8 months ago
I don't think how he was in his personal life really matters at all here... People who commit genocide aren't nice people, no matter what angle you look at them...
"Hey, that guy killed millions of people! Oh, wait a minute... It says here that he went home and he was a nice guy and his housekeeper liked him... Well, I guess it's all forgiven!"... Doesn't really work that way...
Well, I guess it's all forgiven
So far, no one has said that, except you.
[–]pikindaguy 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
I have no doubt about this, think of the biggest dicks you've ever met in real life--they probably are as nice to their grandmothers, moms, sisters, etc. as anyone else.
[–]scrambles57 95 points96 points97 points 8 months ago
Has anyone at a church ever suggested a new book to read? It is essentially a book club, but they've been discussing the same book for so many years.
[–]GiPwner 85 points86 points87 points 8 months ago
To be fair, clearly they don't actually read the book at all, else none of them would be there.
[–]forgeSHIELD 15 points16 points17 points 8 months ago
How often to you see someone listen to a song and miss the point, but keep listening to it because it has a catchy melody/chorus? People do that with reading too.
There are also the people who have read it, but desire a professional interpretation. They could also simply enjoy hearing about it.
[–]spherexenon 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
the fact remains that they don't know the Bible as well as your average atheist, especially the horrific parts that help our case!
[–]forgeSHIELD 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago
One could make the argument that the average atheist seeks out the horrific points in the bible just as the average christian seeks out the wholesome parts of it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all. You, I'm sure, have found something that inspires you to do good and something that gives you a sense of self worth. Religious folks just happen to find it in religion/other activities they may be involved in.
Of course this is not to say that everyone is inspired to do good after reading the bible, but not everyone sees a puppy or kitten and says, "aww," either. You can't always blame the book. A lot of times its the interpreter who is at fault
[–]ccutler69 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
To be fair though the horrific parts aren't that hard to find, they are everywhere.
[–]prezjordan 9 points10 points11 points 8 months ago
The fact remains that they don't care. What's the issue with my mother going to church and praying? There isn't any issue. I don't follow the same principles as her, but I know it makes her strive to be a better person and help others - not to mention it helps her get through the hard parts of life. She doesn't hurt anyone. Why does it matter that she hasn't studied the bible word for word?
[–]ccutler69 -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
It matters if you care if your beliefs are true.
[–][deleted] 8 months ago
[deleted]
[–]prezjordan 10 points11 points12 points 8 months ago
They're telling her to be a bigot? I don't live in the deep south or anything, but there's nothing extreme about the church my mother attends. And charging her for it? She donates $5 every Sunday at her own will. She also bakes things ever food drive and buys gifts for the less fortunate every holiday season. I'm sorry but I just don't see this as a bad thing.
It works for her. I don't need a big church to do good for others - but it works for her.
[–]yep45 5 points6 points7 points 8 months ago
Yeah, its not like the people who read it the mosts are priests or anything.
[–]radiomonkey20 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
Or they're so enamoured with the idea of a permanent guardian that they're willing to disregard the truly gross and appalling passages.
[–]GiPwner 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
They must have no imagination then either, since even I could create a better one than their book describes.
[–]deejayalemus 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
theory
[–]evilGUI 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago
Sure they do... they try to get you to buy their terribly written books that they charge you $50+ for on how to get right with god and how not to have any fun :/
[–]OmegaArcadia 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago
Twilight.
[–]toanjo 8 points9 points10 points 8 months ago
Nah, the bible is still a better love story.
[–]lahwran_ 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago*
edit: okay, maybe I wouldn't
I dunno, I think I'd recommend twilight over the bible ...
[–]bardfaust 4 points5 points6 points 8 months ago
Dude, the bible is epic as fuck. Pagan sacrifice, giants, warfare, genocide, madness, intrigue, rape, mutilation, incest, murder, schizophrenia, dragons, demons, spirits, magic, betrayal, torture, bestiality, sodomy, divine intervention, witchcraft, drug and alcohol use, and much more.
[–]lahwran_ 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
point taken.
[–]kalimashookdeday -11 points-10 points-9 points 8 months ago*
If you think all religious people do is sit around and read the bible maybe you need to learn a bit more about "the church".
(Disclaimer: I don't believe in the god of the bible. I went to church, for many, many, years, and "the bible" itself was not the focus.)
EDIT: Of course, in r/atheism people just downvote a logical statement because it counters their views instead of proposing arguments.
Excellent logic, douchebags.
[–]Mastawindu 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
I up voted you
[–]kalimashookdeday 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
And you were downvoted too! It's ok, I'm learning this place is a bunch of hypocritical teenagers who like to think they use this thing called "logic" and "reason" but in actuality, it's far from the truth. In reality, they are who they claim to hate.
Ahh I dont sweat it. To each his own.
[–]greenwood90 11 points12 points13 points 8 months ago
one of the better moments from new simpsons
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 8 months ago
i wonder if Nancy Cartwright (who gave $10m to scientology in one year) ever gets a flash of hypocrisy, or cognitive dissonance, when reading these lines.
[–]UlquiorraSchiffer 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
Cognitive Dissonance seems to be the most often suppressed reaction in human history.
[–]BSMitchell 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
I feel like a scientologist probably isn't too concerned about dissonance or things making sense.
did i say that? scientology makes claims about historic aspects of the earth, was my comparison.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Scientology tries not to think of itself as a 'religion', but a 'way of thinking.'
It helps with the cognitive dissonance.
[–]Thrasymachus7 8 points9 points10 points 8 months ago
This is so true. Every holiday that I see my grandpa he talks about fighting in World War II and killing Nazis. All he did was regularly get drunk at some bar in France and never enter combat at all.
[–]dundavetta 5 points6 points7 points 8 months ago
eh, this may be over personalized...
[–]smackaroni 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/yea.html
[–]twan398 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago*
Bart is too worried about his thetan level.
[–]TrueAmurrican 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
I hope you all don't feel this way about your grandparents... They have more to share than most people, and you'll be sad you didn't get more time to hear their ridiculous stories once they pass away. I wear my grandpas wedding ring every day. I miss that man!
[–]burntsoap 6 points7 points8 points 8 months ago
Thats how I feel about Ron Paul
[–]Arcnsparc 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
repost
[–]followedbytidalwaves 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
just because it's a repost doesn't mean everyone here has seen it before
[–]ilovegeorgebush 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
[–]JoMac69 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
Just read this and the episode just came on the tv!
What a remarkable coincidence.
[–]leviticus11 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
Haha this isn't a-theism so much as a-oldpeople 0_o
[–]WkE 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
So true. This is how I feel when I see my grandpa. It's hard to tell when he's lying though, he believes all his stories are 100% true. Gotta love the crazy old man though.
[–]thefourthhouse 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
Even further proof there is no god! The Simpsons said so! Take that Christian-scum!
Submitter you are so brave.
[–]EvilAnagram 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Bart didn't say, "yea," he said, "Yeah." They are two different words. "Yea" sounds like "yay" and is the antonym of "nay." "Yeah" is an informal word for yes, while "yea" is an overly formal and very outdated word for yes or indeed. They're similar, but they're not the same.
[–]BSMitchell 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Heil grammar nazi!
[–]CommunistFodder 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
nice
[–]goodwolf 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Why do the Simpsons even go to church anymore? They clearly don't care. And Lisa is Buddhist.
[–]Sachinism 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Saw this episode on tv today.
[–]LethalAppetite 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
You spelled "Yeah" wrong. Am I the only one is annoyed by this common misspelling?
"Yea" is pronounced the same as "yay." Think back to old timey people asking questions, "are you with us, yea or nay?"
[–]Scary_Monster 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
I almost forgot how awesome The Simpsons is
[–]Down_Vote_MachineV2 -5 points-4 points-3 points 8 months ago
This show is still running?
[–]SpencerJamesK -10 points-9 points-8 points 8 months ago
so is making obvious, blunt remarks considered satire now? I agree with the sentiment, but this is an example of how lazy and formulaic this show has gotten. That's an obvious punchline.
... I'm sorry, I'm still not quite accepting these new, awful seasons of The Simpsons. It used to be so clever...
[–]OmegaSeven 8 points9 points10 points 8 months ago
I'm convinced that nostalgia plays a small but vital role in my fond memories of the early seasons of The Simpsons.
[–]Shadax 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
I agree with the sentiment, but this is an example of how lazy and formulaic this show has gotten. That's an obvious punchline.
Until I read "show" I was pretty sure you were talking about this subreddit.
[–]heygabbagabba 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
I agree with the sentiment, but this is an example of how lazy and formulaic this show has gotten.
You probably could extend that to this subreddit. Screen shots of jokes? At least work it into a facebook post .
[–]demon1255 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
The new episodes are actually pretty decent, years 06-09 were the dark ages but it's definitely improving.
[–]SpencerJamesK -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
I'm going to have to completely disagree with that.
[–]demon1255 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Ok.
I agree, and it's the same with family guy.
It's like they have to meet some political ideology quota and they just randomly dump it in somewhere.
[–]RonaldFuckingPaul 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
I felt like writing to them, and asking them to please be funny again.
[–]FuckYoureShit -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
I thought you were talking about posts from r/atheism at first.
Seriously, these posts are pretty damn boring.
[–]pistolpeatear 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
but...but...this is my favorite circle jerk
[–]ajwhitla 1 point2 points3 points 8 months ago
"Welcome to r/atheism, the web's largest atheist forum. All topics related to atheism, agnosticism and secular living are welcome here."
A comment in a TV show about atheism seems to fit. So yeah, r/atheism is in fact a circlejerk in the sense that r/atheism talks about atheism. Just like aww is such a circlejerk for posting cute pictures and /tf2 constantly circlejerks over tf2.
[–]IntentionalOffensive -3 points-2 points-1 points 8 months ago
And this is why I hate The Simpsons. There are only a small handful of devout christian characters, and they're all portrayed in a manner unbefitting a man of god. The Simpsons has been spreading lies to our children for years and I think it's time this was stopped.
[–]lilyrose980 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Well,dont look to TV to provide your children with advice on how to live if you believe that strongly ,quit trolling!
If you have young kids watching The Simpsons you're doing it wrong. Get some parenting skills.
[–]StaplerAttack 3 points4 points5 points 8 months ago*
There is no quest to rid the world of religion.... but that sounds like a good idea, i vote for dawkins to lead.
[–]FPP-EMERGEN-C -4 points-3 points-2 points 8 months ago
Go kill yourself you atheist fuck, have fun rotting in Hell
Now that doesn't sound very Christian, does it?
[–]jadlink -2 points-1 points0 points 8 months ago
I would have given anything to end up with a girl like 'Jo' Polniaczek or Blair Warner. Even 'Tootie' Ramsey was a sexy little piece of rollerskating chocolate that I would have been happy with. But in the end I ended up with Natalie. The chubby sidekick. Fuck. At least she is better than ending up with Miss Edna Garrett.
[–]gifforc -7 points-6 points-5 points 8 months ago
congratulations r/atheism.
you've successfully turned what was an amicable relationship with many christians into a hostile affair. you do this by constantly and irately defaming our beliefs and bullying christians into corners.
You do it every day that you post garbage like this. we believe in God, you don't. GTFOver it.
Now, quick, someone switch "atheism" with "Christianity" and repost my original statement! Then you can look smugly at your monitor, knowing you truly have the upper hand now.
[–]lolobirdie 2 points3 points4 points 8 months ago
....ow, my brain...
why are you in r/atheism, do you want to be offended? i'd be a bit of a wanker if i walked into a church and got offended because a man in a robe said i would burn in hell for eternity, and all this is is a light-hearted quote.
seriously, grow up.
[–]followedbytidalwaves 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
You ridiculous prat. You said it yourself, you're in /r/atheism. If you're going to get offended by atheistic humor or material, you should probably spend your time elsewhere. Because frankly, it's not directed at you, no one here was like "hey gifforc, you're an incompetent asshole because you believe in an imaginary sky fairy who's promised you sky cake!" It was a joke, nothing more. And please do try to remember that one takes offense to things, they do not give it.
[–]gifforc -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
I am not subscribed to this nonsense nor do I visit it. But it tends to make front page. so i see it. and it offends me, so I let you guys know.
If you're logged in and not subscribed to this subreddit, then it should never appear on your front page. And if you're not logged in & it does appear, take the extra millisecond to look at the subreddit a link was submitted to before you click it.
[–]gifforc 0 points1 point2 points 8 months ago
Dunno what to tell you. Call reddit tech support.
I'm not installing RES on every computer I log on to from here to timbuktu to appease you hateful trolls. I think the better option is that you all just stop being hateful trolls.
We're "hateful trolls" by not sharing your belief in an invisible sky fairy/fairies, and contributing to an online forum dedicated to the non-belief of said sky fairy/fairies, to engage in conversation with like-minded individuals, empathize with each other, and get a little respite from the outside world, of whom we tend to be a minority? We don't share your beliefs, and you come here and ridicule us in a place dedicated to that lack of belief, and WE'RE the hateful trolls?? Something tells me you should rethink that logic, friend.
And regardless of whether or not you install RES, if you're logged in, which you clearly are now, if you're not subscribed to a particular subreddit, you shouldn't see it on your front page. Ie: I'm not subscribed to /r/politics, so it does not show up on my frontpage, but I am subscribed to /r/funny, so it does. It takes merely a moment to glance at the subreddit if not though.
i'm really tired of the
"it shouldn't show up if you're not subscribed hurrrrr" argument.
It does.
Get used to it.
[–][deleted] -9 points-8 points-7 points 8 months ago
THE SIMPSONS DID IT AGAIN. SO BRAVE. RON PAUL. Circlejerk.
despiseYouRightBack.
Jerk.
[–]Smithpoint0 -1 points0 points1 point 8 months ago
so true.
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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