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top 200 commentsshow all 220

[–]Ballsey 222 points223 points ago

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The 99.4% of the population that do not have micro-penises now feel much better about themselves.

[–]lidlin 46 points47 points ago

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50% of the population can't play Jenga.

[–]JoeyProvolone 39 points40 points ago

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33.33% of most statistics are made up on the spot.

[–]Real_MikeCleary 31 points32 points ago

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I heard it was 45.96%

[–]Captain_Generous 41 points42 points ago

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57% according to me. And I am a Captain

[–]iamlew 20 points21 points ago

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I feel that's a very generous statistic.

[–]Se7en_Sinner 10 points11 points ago

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When it comes to numbers, you can always trust a Lew.

[–]momentary2 1 point2 points ago

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This is simply not true

[–]HobbsMadness 0 points1 point ago

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In lieu of the Lew, it is what you must do.

[–]tingmakpuk 0 points1 point ago

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I heard the Lews control Hollywood.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I can't figure out anything funny to write.

[–]baijuke 2 points3 points ago

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Then post nothing. Duh.

[–]Blue_Thing 4 points5 points ago

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i deserve to be downvoted for your lack of inspiration

[–]Captain_Generous -1 points0 points ago

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Thanks lew

[–]drchickenbeer 2 points3 points ago

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As a fake doctor, my opinion is that this captain is legit.

[–]DeathIsTheEnd 1 point2 points ago

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As a gynaecologist during his lunch hour I disagree.

[–]FeierInMeinHose -1 points0 points ago

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So you make videos for upskirt websites?

[–]DoctorPotatoe 1 point2 points ago

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Well I'm a doctor with a misspelled last name and I'd say it's more likely to be around 60.0001456 %.

[–]Captain_Generous -1 points0 points ago

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I'm sorry. In war a captain out ranks a doctor. Especially a potatoe. But because I'm generous I shall let you live

[–]trogdor259 0 points1 point ago

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You're being too generous in your estimate.

[–]BessyBossman -1 points0 points ago

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15% of people know that already

[–]Snatchateer -1 points0 points ago

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Average child of Sarah Palin has 46.2 chromosomes

[–]frame_of_mind 0 points1 point ago

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50% of the world population can't afford Jenga.

[–]g1212 3 points4 points ago

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I AM the 50 %.

[–]sneakylfc 5 points6 points ago

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on the flip side, I am also the 50 %.

[–]street_ronin -1 points0 points ago

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You guys are both really fat!

[–]CitizenPremier 0 points1 point ago

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No, they have a different kind of Jenga, which involves building houses out of scrap metal and hoping they don't fall down in an earthquake.

[–]xVertig0 13 points14 points ago

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Wrong. My penis was still too curved to accomplish this action. Razed the whole tower.

[–]devoting_my_time 5 points6 points ago

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Same here, I call mine Bulldozer.

[–]yeoj92 4 points5 points ago

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was?

[–]xVertig0 6 points7 points ago

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It was sadly lost in the accident.

[–]kokong7 17 points18 points ago

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0.27% of all Jenga games are played on 9/11.

[–]quinbot 14 points15 points ago

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That's horrible, double-Jenga is much more appropriate.

[–]Fearlessleader85 8 points9 points ago

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Holy shit, i just realized that i was aware of micropenises, i was not sure if there was a given size for a "macropenis", so i looked it up. Anyway, of course this lead to the wikipedia penis size entry, and i hit upon a land mine:

Men who are circumcised average 8mm shorter than uncut men!

That's crazy! It's like pruning a tree.

[–]Ballsey 13 points14 points ago

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Oh no, what will I ever do without those precious 8mm...

[–]ADubs62 10 points11 points ago

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Do a little manscaping to make it look bigger

[–]account512 6 points7 points ago

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Reducing body fat makes your penis longer.

[–]nelsonslament 9 points10 points ago

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No, it just makes you less fat.

[–]Marlosk1 9 points10 points ago

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Which gives you more usable penis.. sooo... it makes the part of your penis that is visible and usable.. longer.

[–]ROK247 2 points3 points ago

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also makes you more likely to get opportunities to use it as intended?

[–]EnorMoose 10 points11 points ago

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For Jenga?

[–]Fearlessleader85 11 points12 points ago

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That's a 6% difference for an average sized dick.

[–]DizzyNW 41 points42 points ago

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You're a 6% difference for an average sized dick.

[–]Fearlessleader85 7 points8 points ago

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I never really thought about it, but you could be right.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Fearlessleader85 18 points19 points ago

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Unless i'm mistaken, they measure to the tip of the glans. This is a growth issue, not a nip the tip issue.

[–]FourInches 0 points1 point ago

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Not THAT much better..

[–]awertz23 572 points573 points ago

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[–]mockduckcompanion 54 points55 points ago

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Best lame pun raccoon I've seen in awhile.

[–]frame_of_mind 12 points13 points ago

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That was actually a great pun.

[–]harrymanback133 4 points5 points ago

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That was possibly the best pun I've seen involving a raccoon. Ever.

[–]IsomorphicAlgorithm 35 points36 points ago

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[–]Nate_Dogg31 10 points11 points ago*

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Shit, I feel bad that this has less upvotes than my [essentially same] comment...here, take everything I have in my left pocket...

EDIT: That changed quickly

[–]cynognathus 12 points13 points ago

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What are you hiding in your right pocket?

[–]Nate_Dogg31 20 points21 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ.....stuff

[–]Babywolf 8 points9 points ago

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His cock.

[–]jonesinator 13 points14 points ago

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How do believe hospitals do not allow farm animals.

EDIT: I'm a dumbass wrong post.

[–]YoKaySo 5 points6 points ago

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Now i'm curious....

[–]Puppetteer -1 points0 points ago

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His block.

[–]awertz23 20 points21 points ago

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Thanks Man!

Enjoy my up votes!

[–]Captain_Generous 1 point2 points ago

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And enjoy mine good sir! You have earned it!

[–]awertz23 61 points62 points ago

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That man knows how to make the most of very little. He's a real hero.

[–]Acid_Membrane 23 points24 points ago

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[–]zaeli 1 point2 points ago

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And a real human bean

FTFY.

[–]awertz23 -1 points0 points ago

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Bing! We have a winner!

[–]Mustek 6 points7 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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It's kinda like the first time your uncle touches you... You don't get it but eventually you just lean back and enjoy it.

[–]z1o2 -1 points0 points ago

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so thats where the phrase "on the nose" comes from...

[–]ddeda 24 points25 points ago

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[–]mattcoady 0 points1 point ago

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Unavailable due to your region. >:(=)

[–]Fei_Long 45 points46 points ago

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Doesn't matter ; had sex.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

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Doesn't matter; played Jenga and had sex http://imgur.com/wvHS8 NSFW

[–]Nate_Dogg31 16 points17 points ago

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I would play the fuck out of strip Jenga....if I had a lady friend...

[–]Ballsey 1 point2 points ago

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Brilliant idea, sir.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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They look like stock photos.

[–]acog 14 points15 points ago

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They are. My boss used them in a Powerpoint about a reorg last quarter.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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haha. I can can see how he tied the jenga blocks in, but who did the people represent?

[–]cypherreddit 1 point2 points ago

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the people fucking around while the blocks are falling; management

[–]smithincanton 0 points1 point ago

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I need to play more Jenga

[–]formation 0 points1 point ago

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sauce

[–]lidlin 7 points8 points ago

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But blockdick.

[–]Nate_Dogg31 21 points22 points ago*

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cock block

FTFY

Edit: Please note awertz23's comment and upvote. I did not scroll down to see that post and feel it's more deserving of your [instant gratification] karma. Thank you.

[–]Goatses_His_Enemies 2 points3 points ago

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yeah he really got a woody

[–]CAT_FACT_BOT 0 points1 point ago

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CAT FACTS:

Catnip is non-addictive.

[–]DollarsforDerek 3 points4 points ago

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I've seen this one before :(

[–]Nate_Dogg31 2 points3 points ago

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How do I subscribe without a phone?

[–]ShallowBasketcase 5 points6 points ago

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I think you just did

[–]tronn4 0 points1 point ago

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This! WTF is up with block dick?!

[–]lidlin 8 points9 points ago

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Can't play Jenga with my mom then.

[–]cpnHindsight 3 points4 points ago

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But think of the AMA karma to be had!

[–]lidlin 5 points6 points ago

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Most definitely:

Played Jenga with my mother. I pulled out a few times, but she always came out on top.

[–]failed_novelty 1 point2 points ago

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RES tagged as 'mother comes on top'

[–]Mikey129 17 points18 points ago

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How is this possible? I showed a girl Reddit and the next day she turned full lesbian.

[–]SHFT 7 points8 points ago

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she was probably lesbian before, she just needed something to push her over the edge.

[–]z1o2 0 points1 point ago

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Deport the lesbians, Send them back to Lesbico!

[–]awkwardhello 10 points11 points ago

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Who gets turned on by noodles?

[–]The_True_Zecret[!] 16 points17 points ago

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How much do YOU love noodles? I fucking LOVE noodles.

[–]elmntguy12 11 points12 points ago

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[–]never_finishes 18 points19 points ago

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That woman looks pretty

[–]lousypanda 40 points41 points ago

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Her name is Lindsay Ames, and she's a pretty adorable dancer (starts at 1:49).

[–]Sorgenlos 14 points15 points ago

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I think I can do you one better

(Semi-NSFW)

[–]philqw 5 points6 points ago

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You know you're on reddit when an intentionally creepy video of a girl crying is considered "better" than a fun one, just because she's half-naked in the creepy one.

[–]acog 4 points5 points ago

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Well, she made it herself for comedic effect. So is it misogynistic to find it funny when she clearly intended it to be?

[–]whatIwasntlistening 1 point2 points ago

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If SRS teaches us anything, yes, you're always being misogynistic and you're already a rapist.

[–]ary201 2 points3 points ago

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Well, it was funnier, I think. I liked them both.

[–]TheAryanBrotherhood 6 points7 points ago

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Thanks, I knew I recognized her from something. This was it.

[–]lousypanda 18 points19 points ago

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No problem, I'm glad I could be of help to TheAryanBrotherhood.

[–]shanoxilt 5 points6 points ago

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I doubt you thought you were going to type that today.

[–]SHFT 17 points18 points ago

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She's half Zooey, half Liz Lemon

[–]end42 1 point2 points ago

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While watching that video I tasted rainbow.

[–]arbitrary-fan 0 points1 point ago

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Wow. That video made me so happy.

This would have made the greatest Skittles commercial ever.

[–]headwrong 0 points1 point ago

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Bring her to my quarters.

[–]Rabid_Lemming 0 points1 point ago

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LMAO at 2:41

[–]sparklyjesus 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome! This is one of my most favorite videos ever. I'm glad somebody else recognized her.

[–]weebeasties 0 points1 point ago

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I thought they were the Lewous crew.

[–]dismal626 -1 points0 points ago

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She looks like a young Nina Hartley [NSFW]

[–]FirionII -1 points0 points ago

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tagged "Pretty Women Spotter"

[–]Stupoopy 13 points14 points ago

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pencil thin penis!

[–]feratian 6 points7 points ago

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nah man, he just has 25 dex
its probably huge and he just likes making everyone feel good about themselves

[–]Brosephbro 4 points5 points ago

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Damn! Such symmetry!

[–]SHFT 5 points6 points ago

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[–]ADubs62 2 points3 points ago

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Did anyone else see this and think, That guy has a reallllly skinny penis?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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That's what you call a cockblock.

[–]MoneyMaker4545 3 points4 points ago

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just goes to show you the age-old adage is true: if you can fuck a jenga tower, you can fuck the shit out of a woman

[–]Real_MikeCleary 1 point2 points ago

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He has a pretty thin dick to only push one block out...

[–]sulfur_lips 1 point2 points ago

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What a small penis.

[–]Wisc19 1 point2 points ago

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Blockcocked.

[–]bunsofcheese 1 point2 points ago

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Is it weird that I find everything sexy about that?

Especially the cereal.

[–]RianaBanana0324 1 point2 points ago

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What is this from??

[–]Cheif_Dell 1 point2 points ago

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Is it just me or does he look a lot like this guy? He's the bassist for the flaming lips, and is in the very back wearing the blue science shirt.

[–]joker_hs 4 points5 points ago

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Damn, NSFW plz!

[–]terry330 1 point2 points ago

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How is he doing this? Is there a string or something?

[–]DorkyDude 6 points7 points ago

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With his penis.

[–]gordonz88 7 points8 points ago

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NSFW BRO! GODDAMN

[–]SamuelWise -1 points0 points ago

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Not sure why this is getting voted down, it is pretty nsfw.

[–]gordonz88 -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah seriously, I open this at school, clearly it's not appropriate. I comment on it, and I get downvoted. What are you guys thinking? "Ha! This loser thinks penis is NSFW! What a dipshit, lets downvote him."

[–]sambeano 1 point2 points ago

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I don't have a penis! I can't play :(

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Use your boobs.

[–]miitan 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Brammelam 0 points1 point ago

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He only pushed one brick with his dick.

[–]UnoFandango 0 points1 point ago

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Why does it seem like it keeps getting faster... and faster...

[–]elmntguy12 10 points11 points ago

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until it goes a slow a couple times, rolls over and falls asleep

[–]UnoFandango 2 points3 points ago

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"until it goes a slow a couple times..." Mario, is that you?

[–]elmntguy12 2 points3 points ago

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no, it's a me, Luigi

[–]PantWraith 0 points1 point ago

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Champion.

[–]BaxterInwood 0 points1 point ago

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She was his as soon as he walked in the room naked with a glass of wine, long before the penis jenga.

[–]501622731 0 points1 point ago

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Jenga: the fun kind of cock blocks!

[–]DENelson83 0 points1 point ago

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Hey!

[–]cabrenjamin 0 points1 point ago

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why. why does it jump to the left

[–]mihaig 0 points1 point ago

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can someone remove the frames so its just the jenga scene?

[–]ddrirc 2 points3 points ago

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yes

[–]veggieface 0 points1 point ago

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Brett Gelman? Is... Is that you?

[–]element33 0 points1 point ago

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Small penis is small.

[–]LChurch 0 points1 point ago

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It looks like he's doing some kind of 'frontal turd' to me.

[–]coffeetablesex 0 points1 point ago

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I am proud to state that I could not physically accomplish this.

[–]lynchen 0 points1 point ago

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The comments are funny...

[–]Awhite2555 0 points1 point ago

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Went to the comments for the relevant video for this gif...and there was nothing. I fear the google searching for this.

[–]CaptainKitty 0 points1 point ago

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I feel like I stared at this for too long ಠ_ಠ

[–]PSYCHOanalyst29 0 points1 point ago

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is this from a movie/show/something?

[–]Dipluz 0 points1 point ago

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maybe this hould be marked as nfsw :P

[–]Pineo 0 points1 point ago

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That's the girl who danced in Nathan Barnartts skittle boom box video isn't it?

[–]BroxiBoy2 0 points1 point ago

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The best .gif I've ever seen

[–]The_Auditor 0 points1 point ago

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That chick is from breaking bad.

My day is now better now that I thought about that show.

[–]SlashSarcasm 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]withmorten 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]SlashSarcasm 0 points1 point ago

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no it actually IS the woman I posted.

[–]withmorten 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, you're right. She still looks a lot like her in that one little shot though.

[–]dasmi3 0 points1 point ago

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the only time when having a small penis is better

[–]BlackPride 0 points1 point ago

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That guy has a small penis, unfortunately.

[–]boochkn 0 points1 point ago

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I'm stuck on trying to figure out why the block takes a hard right turn at the end.

[–]darkwhiskey 0 points1 point ago

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Throwing another "micro-penis" comment into the fold.

[–]MisterLich 0 points1 point ago

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Seeing as most users on reddit are gifted with enormous monster dongs I'm not sure we can relate.

[–]GALACTICA-Actual 0 points1 point ago

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Everybody makes jokes about small dicks.

He knows he's bad ass because he did it with one of his pubic hairs,

[–]dagoon79 0 points1 point ago

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Love it, that's how I win every time.

[–]Tron22 0 points1 point ago

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Who is that girl!? She was on the skittles video in short shorts looking fine as hell. Too lazy too link and don't care for karma

[–]BlackWatchPlaid 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Tron22 0 points1 point ago

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Loooove

[–]Frack-Star 0 points1 point ago

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Just one piece?

[–]941626460 0 points1 point ago

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snicker

[–]MeowMeowMatthew 0 points1 point ago

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Wow his dick is thin!

[–]godrim 0 points1 point ago

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I would suck greatly at playing Jenga this way.

Not because my penis is larger than average, I just suck at Jenga.

[–]Sibilantjoe 0 points1 point ago

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...Notch?

[–]TedNugentGoesAOL 0 points1 point ago

Does anybody know what this is from or did we all just come to post slightly funny comments?

[–]jcarules 0 points1 point ago

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That was one small hole.

[–]alm16h7y1 0 points1 point ago

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What a cock block.

[–]theboneycrony 0 points1 point ago

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COCK BLOCK.

[–]sugar_free_rockstar 0 points1 point ago

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needle dick

[–]griffith12 0 points1 point ago

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Dude must be of asian descent.

[–]Jasonindaskyz 0 points1 point ago

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That is the most caucasian looking Asian I have ever seen.

[–]TheDongerNeedsFood -1 points0 points ago

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Cool, it's the hot dancing girl from the epic skittles music video!

[–]SubZombie -1 points0 points ago

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i think that girl stale lewous from the barnett video

[–]pilvlp -1 points0 points ago

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funny how it curves a the end loool

[–]AllDizzle -4 points-3 points ago

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small ass dick.

[–]Antrikshy 2 points3 points ago

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Small ass-dick? What's an ass-dick?