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top 200 commentsshow all 318

[–]PrezToad 201 points202 points ago

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My 3 year old wanted me to respond with: lizard sheriff

[–]steve_b 5 points6 points ago

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Not just lizard - chameleon. Sort of appropriate, don't you think?

[–]glass_daggers 1 point2 points ago

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Rango is an amazing and fantastic film.

[–]fucking_leverpostej 10 points11 points ago

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... Why?

[–]Torch_Salesman 83 points84 points ago

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Rango.

[–]fucking_leverpostej 16 points17 points ago

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Of course. Stupid me.

[–]Conquestador 2 points3 points ago

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fucking leverpostej, get with the times.

[–]lildansonman 1 point2 points ago

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We got rangoed.

[–]SatanGetsMe 27 points28 points ago

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[–]fucking_leverpostej 16 points17 points ago

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[–]SatanGetsMe 4 points5 points ago

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Fuck yes. He's back guys!

[–]KittyBomber 275 points276 points ago

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Pot smoker? Somebody hasn't seen fear and loathing.

[–]OmegaSeven 100 points101 points ago

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Calling Hunter S. Thompson a pot smoker, while partially accurate, is incredibly insufficient.

[–]nativeofspace 43 points44 points ago

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Pretty much what I came here to say, but I don't know how to describe Hunter S. Thompson in two words, maybe Drug connoisseur?

[–]OmegaSeven 74 points75 points ago

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I'd go with "Gonzo Journalist" myself.

[–]Lampmonster1 18 points19 points ago

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Psychedelic Mastermind

[–]mcmurphy1 3 points4 points ago

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Brilliant Writer? Literary Genius?

[–]4nonymo 2 points3 points ago

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highpowered mutant

[–]doh_ramey 5 points6 points ago

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I would've gone with Hunter S. Fucking Thompson.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]bhindblueyes430 1 point2 points ago

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Don't mind him, he's just admiring the shape of your skull

[–]munchybutt 1 point2 points ago

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Journalist. Motherfucking.

[–]DrAnachronist 1 point2 points ago

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Shenanigan Experiencer?

[–]BillytheGoatFucker 3 points4 points ago

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He's a doctor of journalism man!

[–]railroad-redditor 21 points22 points ago

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Psychotic Writer #4

[–]herpitusderpitus 1 point2 points ago

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This was what I thought it read at first glance

but then op made me disappointed in humanity.

[–]puff_puff_puff_puff 15 points16 points ago

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Yeah Hunter Thompson deserves to be at least psychotic writer #4.

[–]bitingmyownteeth 8 points9 points ago

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#1

FTFY

[–]TeCuervo 61 points62 points ago

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He wasn't exactly a pot dealer either.

[–]Koresh93 8 points9 points ago

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If Hunter S. was "just" a pot smoker, then Fear and Loathing would have been pretty boring. Dr.Gonzo:"As your attorney, i advise that you go to Las Vegas to do a report on the Mint 400" Hunter.S: "actually man, i think i'm just going to stay here by the pool and roll another blunt, you have fun though".

[–]WisdomModifier 1 point2 points ago

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You're not Portuguese man.

[–]munchybutt 1 point2 points ago

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Journalist.

[–]purplepeach 1 point2 points ago

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That's what I was thinking. I was looking at the list and wondering where "Cocaine dealer" was.

[–]IloveXanaX 10 points11 points ago

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Not a drug dealer at all, he was a sports writer.

[–]Sir_Walken 39 points40 points ago

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I think TeCuervo was referring to Blow

[–]IloveXanaX 6 points7 points ago

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He sold a a very large amount of pot in that movie, and did prison time for it.

[–]IlCattivo91 83 points84 points ago

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You do realise what 'blow' is right? The film isn't called 'grass' or 'weed' it's 'blow' because George Jung is associated with cocaine. Saying he did prison time for selling pot before he became one of the biggest cocaine smugglers in the world is like saying: Ted Bundy, Serial Killer? Naw man he had like $600 in unpaid parking fines way before he ever killed anyone.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]IlCattivo91 21 points22 points ago

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I just re-read what I wrote and you're right, it is a nice analogy, I sure showed that guy what I was made of eh?

[–]potted 5 points6 points ago

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Drug school.

[–]SatanGetsMe 3 points4 points ago

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I am very disturbed by this. There are multitudes of titles Hunter S. Thompson could hold, and "Pot Smoker" won?

[–]metarugia 1 point2 points ago

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I actually just saw a small glimpse of it the other day. How the hell have I not seen this movie before!

[–]Dev1l5Adv0cat3 3 points4 points ago

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Pot Dealer? someone hasn't seen "BLOW."

[–]Helzibah 70 points71 points ago*

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Here's to showing my embarrassing lack of film knowledge in the hope that we can get a full list:

[Barber] [Bookworm] [Astronut] [Sea Gangster] [Noir Pirate] [Rogue Agent]
[Joker] [Tranny] [Greaser] [Groom] [Father] [Brother]
[Detective] [Psychic Detective] [Psychotic Writer #1] [Psychotic Writer #2] [Psychotic Writer #3] [Psychotic Director]
[Chocolate Maker] [Chocolate Eater] [Tea Drinker] [Pot Smoker] [Pot Dealer] [Emo Wolverine]

Phew, I knew more of those than I thought, and gleaned a number more from comments.

Edit: done, thank you Reddit! For those interested, reddit apparently uses markdown for comments, which is how I made the pretty table with hover-text. I'm not sure if it's a RES-only thing, but you should also be able to hit the 'source' link under this comment to see how I did it.

[–]Flucks 13 points14 points ago

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[Rogue Agent] = Once Upon a Time in Mexico. An very underrated movie.

[–]Helzibah 1 point2 points ago

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Excellent, thanks. I just wish imdb had more human-readable URLs, or I had the ability to add alt-text to all these links.

[–]RichardPeterJohnson 2 points3 points ago

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They tell you how to do it in the rules for /r/WebGames

[–]Helzibah 1 point2 points ago

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Oh, fantastic! That comment formatting guide is ridiculously useful, complete with the ability to make tables. I'll have to go prettify up my comment in my next break.

[–]Floofeh 22 points23 points ago*

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Sweet jesus, I need a life.

Part Movie
Barber Sweeney Todd
Bookworm The Ninth Gate
Astronaut The Astronaut's Wife
Sea Gangster Pirates of the Caribbean
Noir Pirate Public Enemies
Rogue Agent Once Upon A Time In Mexico
Joker The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Tranny Before Night Falls
Greaser Cry Baby
Groom Corpse Bride
Father Nick of Time
Brother What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Detective Sleepy Hollow
Psychic Detective From Hell
Psychotic Writer #1 Dead Man
Psychotic Writer #2 Finding Neverland
Psychotic Writer #3 Secret Window
Psychotic Director Ed Wood
Chocolate Maker Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Chocolate Eater Chocolat
Tea Drinker Alice in Wonderland
Pot Smoker Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Pot Dealer Blow
Emo Wolverine Edward Scissorhands
Alcoholic Writer The Rum Diaries
Sheriff Rango
"Math Teacher" The Tourist
Psychotic Writer #4 The Libertine
Performing Horseman The Man Who Cried
Native American Snuff Actor The Brave
Undercover FBI Agent Donnie Brasco
Lover Don Juan DeMarco
Psychotic Cinemaphile Benny & Joon
Officer 21 Jump Street
Car Salesman Arizona Dream
Soldier Platoon
Unfortunate Teen A Nightmare on Elm Street

[–]Helzibah 2 points3 points ago

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Damn you, I think it's prettier than mine! *upvotes* I was trying to match mine to the image, but I don't think it really helped. Ah well. Also, father is Nick of Time.

[–]CryogenicLimbo 1 point2 points ago

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I love that movie SO much.

[–]Sean1708 1 point2 points ago

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It's the only one of the three that I haven't seen but it's never on TV, I might have to actually go out and buy it or something.

[–]tau-lepton 7 points8 points ago

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Missing Rum Diaries and Benny and June?

[–]Helzibah 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry, where are you suggesting they fit?

[–]tau-lepton 5 points6 points ago

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My fault, I meant the OP omitted them. Carry on.

[–]RichardPeterJohnson 1 point2 points ago

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Bookworm -- The Ninth Gate (But I don't think that's a accurate characterization.)

Noir Pirate -- Public Enemies

Greaser -- Cry Baby

Psychotic Writer #3 -- Secret Window

Joker -- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Psychotic Director -- Ed Wood

[–]fromtheoven 1 point2 points ago

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greaser is from Cry-Baby

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago*

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The Astronaut's Wife.

EDIT: Also for Brother: What's Eating Gilbert Grape

EDIT 2: Father: Nick of Time

[–]sudin 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you, thank you and thank you. Also, thank you. And to those that contributed.

[–]just_joshing 40 points41 points ago

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Astronut

[–]ailee43 1 point2 points ago

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well, in ops defense, he was kinda nutty in that movie.

Also, possessed by aliens.

[–]Wolfszeit 1 point2 points ago

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Stuff like this actually makes me wonder if this came straight from 9gag.

[–]Bluemechanic 24 points25 points ago

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He wasn't a writer in Dead Man, he was an accountant

[–]resisttheurge 4 points5 points ago

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To be fair, Nobody makes this mistake. Also, do you know my poetry?

[–]impablomations 3 points4 points ago

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I fucking loved this movie. Previously, I had liked Johnny Depp but this movie is what really made me a fan of his. A great movie that not too many people seem to know about, also awesome music throughout.

[–]sexgott 9 points10 points ago

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I was going to say something about "Sea Gangster" until I saw "Noir Pirate" (obviously not reading them in order)

Well played I guess.

[–]ZoeyD 20 points21 points ago

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Pot dealer? The movie was called BLOW.....

[–]RGT42 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah that bugged me a little.. How could you see that movie and ever describe his character as a pot dealer? I guess he did but come on.

[–]The_Jew 31 points32 points ago

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I would not choose "pot smoker" as the most accurate description for Depp's character in Fear and Loathing.

[–]RecycledMatrix 6 points7 points ago

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Polydrug using writer.

[–]Tclaytn 19 points20 points ago

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Drug connoisseur would do well.

[–]PurpleSfinx 18 points19 points ago

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I wouldn't say connoisseur... if we're going for the food analogy, Depp's character in Fear and Loathing is more like a big fat guy that barges into McDonald's and orders 1 of everything, shovelling it down between large Cokes.

[–]tau-lepton 6 points7 points ago

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In a very large white Cadillac, with far too much air in the tires.

[–]d1rtfarm 1 point2 points ago

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And buttons that lept like frogs on a dynamite pond.

[–]PurpleSfinx 1 point2 points ago

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Disclaimer: I was watching Fear and Loathing for the first time when I came across this thread. I haven't finished it yet so may be completely uneducated about further developments past 38:09.

[–]OmegaSeven 1 point2 points ago

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Go back to the movie and pay attention.

It really is a great film.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Arternative1 2 points3 points ago

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Political Satirist.

[–]AnonUhNon 3 points4 points ago*

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Psychotic Writer #4

Should have used The Ninth Gate as Book Detective as well, sticking it in with the Detective ones.

[–]evil_steve 83 points84 points ago

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Emo Wolverine: Lost. My. Shit.

[–]Holden-Magroine 33 points34 points ago

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Check your arse.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Three word phrase.

[–]rowdyonthevex 7 points8 points ago

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"Sea gangster"

[–]Waitwhatlol 2 points3 points ago

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this made me laugh more than any other one. when I grow up, I want to be a sea gangster

[–]jascri 8 points9 points ago

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Set it free. If it comes back, its yours forever.

[–]KingGorilla 1 point2 points ago

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I lost it at Sea Gangster/Noir Pirate

[–]PurpleSfinx 2 points3 points ago

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Try between the couch cushions.

[–]ChrisMenning 4 points5 points ago

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Pot smoker? Sucking the adrenaline out of a human adrenal gland is just a teensy bit more intense than smoking pot.

[–]Fine_Cut 1 point2 points ago

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What? He sucked it right out of the gland? Did he rip out their kidneys or something?

[–]ChrisMenning 1 point2 points ago

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It's in the brain. His "lawyer" (played by Benicio Del Toro) somehow acquired it, speculating that a guy must have been killed to get it. Regardless of the details, saying that Hunter S. Thompson was a pot smoker is like saying that Ed Gein was a tailor.

[–]PoshNoob 5 points6 points ago

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Or you could cover all bases by putting "Quirky, yet slightly mentally unstable man"

[–]soumon 31 points32 points ago

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How is this funny?

[–]fucking_leverpostej 20 points21 points ago

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It isn't. It's not even "reasons".

[–]SpacemanJim 9 points10 points ago

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"Emo wolverine" definitely had me laughing out loud.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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You forgot one: Fountain

[–]FatGuyANALLIttlecoat 2 points3 points ago

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what movie was he a trannie in? I know the rest.

[–]Cilicious 3 points4 points ago

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Pretty sure it was Before Night Falls, with Javier Bardem.

[–]lebowskisweater 1 point2 points ago

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Where is BENNY AND JOOOON? Helllo?

[–]iamhusband 1 point2 points ago

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Scumbag Johnny Depp: Over 24 different roles...only 3 different voices.

[–]slasher_lash 7 points8 points ago

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So he's a grinner, a lover, and a sinner in addition to being a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker?

EDIT: AND a space cowboy. Holy shit.

[–]theplungerofdoom 2 points3 points ago

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You forgot about Platoon....

[–]dogboyboy 2 points3 points ago

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eccentric misunderstood loner, eccentric misunderstood loner, eccentric misunderstood loner, eccentric misunderstood loner, eccentric misunderstood loner...

[–]jambi1987 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you.

[–]billyup 2 points3 points ago

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Sorry, Edward Scissorhands was Goth Wolverine.

[–]SgtBosco 2 points3 points ago

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[–]egosleep 2 points3 points ago

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Hunter Thompson = psychotic writer numer 4, perhaps?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Johnny Depp is finished as an artist. What was the last good movie he did? And not just a good movie, a movie that lives up to what people think about Johnny Depp. It was Sleepy hollow in 1999. Depp was good in the nineties, now he is insanely overrated.

Just compare Donnie Brasco, Fear and Loathing and Ed Wood to anything from the last 13 years and realize that I'm right.

It may sound super douchy but I like making this point and watching people almost get offended because I think that he is way past his prime.

[–]samthehammer 3 points4 points ago

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Read it to the tune of "We didn't start the fire."

[–]pakattak 4 points5 points ago

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He's an actor. There are thousands of them.

[–]Twisty_Tie 7 points8 points ago

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I've never seen the movie, so maybe I missed something, but "tranny?" Is that acceptable anymore?

[–]Ranmara 2 points3 points ago

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Not really, not that anyone realises/cares unfortunately :(

[–]MikeOfAllPeople 3 points4 points ago

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If it's okay to say nigga at karaoke then surely it's okay to say tranny on the internet.

[–]NoRaptors 1 point2 points ago

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No, it's really not.

[–]Aromir19 6 points7 points ago

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DAE think that Gene Wilder was a far better Wonka?

[–]vertexvortex 5 points6 points ago

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Everyone else

[–]MackLuster77 1 point2 points ago

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You all remember that movie "Blow" about the pot dealer, right?

[–]reddit_trolliosis 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote for emo wolverine

[–]Qx2J 1 point2 points ago

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Love him because he's a box office draw and therefor gets a lot of choice roles? If you say so reddit.

[–]Necrix 1 point2 points ago

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Typecast anyone?

[–]SoundSalad 1 point2 points ago

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"Pot Dealer" for Blow? Was the person making this a pot smoker?

[–]CaptainChewbacca 1 point2 points ago

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Without Johnny Depp, we wouldn't know where Bat Country is.

[–]noble8301 1 point2 points ago

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Should post a [fixed] saying Reasons to hate Johnny Depp. It would be a picture of Tim Burton.

[–]strokejammer 1 point2 points ago

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Emo wolverine ha ha, enjoy an upvote!

[–]Agente_Anaranjado 1 point2 points ago

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Hunter S. Thomson was a pot smoker?

That's like saying Mt. Everest is a hill.

[–]EnderWhere 1 point2 points ago

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The William Blake of Dead Man was an accountant, not the writer.

[–]not_very_creative 1 point2 points ago

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Honestly, I can't stand him anymore, I know nobody forces me to watch his movies and all, but I'm tired of having him as the only option for directors of so called "indie" or "alternative" movies.

I don't find him a particularly good performer, neither a bad one, just have seen him too many times on screen.

Let the downvote fest begin...

[–]dbagexterminator 1 point2 points ago

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who the fuck cares about the roles he had if the movie sucked balls, dressing up differently doesn't qualify an actor for being good. it just means there was a different costumes

[–]mcmurphy1 1 point2 points ago

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From Hell was awful. Not that Depp was bad in it, it was just a terrible adaption imo.

[–]TheLaw655 1 point2 points ago

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Donnie Brasco?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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more middle school content

[–]ihatethispart 1 point2 points ago

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This, too, will be [FIXED].

[–]cptjmshook 1 point2 points ago

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Dude. Only, like, half these movies are any good.

[–]agoodfriendofyours 1 point2 points ago

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Calling Hunter S. Thompson a pot smoker is like calling the Hindenburg an incident with a balloon.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This, this made my day. Thank you.

[–]jason28 1 point2 points ago

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It is disappointing they're not in alphabetic or chronological order

[–]Sellout1138 1 point2 points ago

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Some of these are reasons to Hate Johnny Depp. Side note, I really enjoy some of his stuff.

[–]airforcefalco 1 point2 points ago

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Emo Wolverine? Wouldnt he be Emo Deathstrike instead?

[–]Maboz 1 point2 points ago

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"Emo wolverine" loool

[–]KeithMoonForSnickers 1 point2 points ago

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Emo Wolverine, bravo

[–]DisturbedPuppy 1 point2 points ago

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I lost it at Emo Wolverine.

[–]bigstinkyniggerdick 2 points3 points ago

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What a coincidence, these are all the reasons I HATE Johnny Depp

[–]jesses2 0 points1 point ago

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he must be horrible at work.

[–]ChazzShepherd 0 points1 point ago

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Loled at "Astronut".

[–]ihatecruises 0 points1 point ago

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You could put "Psychotic" in front of almost all of those roles and it would still be accurate. Johnny Depp is type cast.

[–]Rage-ahol 0 points1 point ago

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Can I put in a request for the upcoming "Reasons to love [actor/actress] " trend?

Will someone please do Harrison Ford before everyone gets tired of seeing this shit? Thanks.

[–]Brandalionn 0 points1 point ago

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Emo Wolverine. I laughed so hard. xD

[–]DextrosKnight 0 points1 point ago

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lost it on "Emo Wolverine"

[–]breatherevenge 0 points1 point ago

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You missed out on undercover cop

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Glad this wasn't just a wankery over him doing his pirate/goth shit.

[–]zonrox 0 points1 point ago

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Joker: I see what you did there heh.

[–]crystalsuicune 0 points1 point ago

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Sea gangster and noir pirate? hahaha

[–]regeya 0 points1 point ago

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I was prepared to read it stonefaced until I got to:

"Sea Gangster"

"Noir Pirate"

[–]MissCellania 0 points1 point ago

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The character labeled psychotic writer #1 wasn't psychotic, just dying and desperate. Fear and Loathing should be psychotic writer #1.

[–]JohnWL 0 points1 point ago

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Emo wolverine!!

[–]kittenmittons 0 points1 point ago

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You forgot the greatest lover of all times

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112883/

[–]zerobass 0 points1 point ago

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To be fair, no one should appreciate him for ANY part of Secret Window. Holy shit, what an awful movie. Not really his fault, but he signed on for it...

[–]zaphod777 0 points1 point ago

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You forgot "mother fucker", what's eating Gilbert Grape.

[–]againstfifteen 0 points1 point ago

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Anybody could have played any of these roles. I think he is superbly overrated and over paid. I realize that's how things go but I don't think too highly of him just because he portrayed a cool character.

[–]hatts 0 points1 point ago

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OR:

Mascara

[–]coconut_shredder 0 points1 point ago

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upvote for emo wolverine

[–]That_Dog_Wont_Hunt 0 points1 point ago

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Gary Oldman still has him beat

[–]Super_AIDS 0 points1 point ago

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I swear to god he has removable faces.

[–]LoboDaTerra 0 points1 point ago

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My favorite role was the one were he really stepped outside of his comfort zone and played a role different than normal ones. You know what I'm talking about. The role were he played the misunderstood outcast with a heart of gold that ends up getting the girl. You know, that one.

[–]Purple6391 0 points1 point ago

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His chocolate making skills will never surpass Wilder for me... sorry he's too creepy and not love-able. My friends used to say the new one was truer to the story and I was like ok but then I found out Roald Dahl did the screenplay to the original so I feel like they didn't know what they were talking about.

[–]SoundSalad 0 points1 point ago

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"Pot Dealer" for Blow? What is this nonsense?

[–]Zombette 0 points1 point ago

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I love Cry Baby. It will always be my favorite of his.

As a young lady I used to watch the makeout scene and get a serious girl boner.

Oh JD, I miss those days.

[–]derpaherpa 0 points1 point ago

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That guy is such a damn good actor.

[–]Juanster 0 points1 point ago

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Astronuts? Now the official sponsor of the UFC.

[–]amandazingable 0 points1 point ago

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I don't see a Benny and June Photo here

[–]legga400 0 points1 point ago

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lol'd at Emo Wolverine

[–]FrostByt 0 points1 point ago

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Meh.

[–]Cemetary 0 points1 point ago

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WTB Platoon photo!

[–]GregOttawa 0 points1 point ago

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Gecko

[–]LOLname 0 points1 point ago

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oh god i laughed so hard at emo wolverine

[–]lightspeed23 0 points1 point ago

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Nice try, Johnny!

[–]laowai86 0 points1 point ago

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You forgot his badass role as heartthrob "Diamond Jim".

[–]flibitboat 0 points1 point ago

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My personal favorite is Barber

[–]Tewcool2000 0 points1 point ago

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Hmmm forgot Platoon. But it's alright.

[–]Vitalstatistix 0 points1 point ago

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Johnny Depp is the Family Guy of actors. He has no range whatsoever compared to actual great actors (DeNiro, Day-Lewis, Brando, etc.).

[–]random314 0 points1 point ago

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Confused tourist.

[–]danblee 0 points1 point ago

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Pot dealer? You mean coke dealer...

[–]powerpuppy 0 points1 point ago

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Well thanks to that emo wolverine description I will never look at wolverine as I did before.

[–]dingus_the_half_frog 0 points1 point ago

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Why is Hunter S. Thompson a pot smoker instead of a psychotic writer? Come on.

[–]Herborist 0 points1 point ago

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I hated him in Sweenie Todd, but it was probably that horrible actress that played Belatrix Lestrange that ruined it for me.

[–]fairly_forgetful 0 points1 point ago

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Watch, someone will make a 'Fixed' with every female costar he has ever filmed with.

[–]Dolewhip 0 points1 point ago

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Who the fuck put George Jung as Pot Dealer?

[–]dog_in_the_vent 0 points1 point ago

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Why is he a "Sea Gangster" for Pirates of the Caribbean but a "Noir Pirate" for Public Enemys? Why not "Sea Pirate" and "Noir Gangster"? Did I miss the joke?

[–]CJGibson 0 points1 point ago

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Do it again, but this time use the lyrics to The Joker.

[–]Badminton 0 points1 point ago

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Emo wolverine.. Clever

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Noir Pirate? Another gag like that and you'll be walking the depps of the sea matey.

[–]Bofa-on-the-Sofa 0 points1 point ago

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Reasons to re-post...

[–]msh6465 0 points1 point ago

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Chameleon?

[–]crashout 0 points1 point ago

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[–]WasabiBomb 0 points1 point ago

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Don't forget Geyser of Blood

[–]lagwagonlead 0 points1 point ago

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I just came here to say I don't like Johnny Depp. I think he's weird and in every movie he's in I find myself focusing on how weird he is instead of what's actually going on in the movie.

[–]bassguitarbill 0 points1 point ago

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Based on the "Reasons to love Leo DiCaprio" post yesterday, I thought this was just going to be 12 pictures of Tim Burton.

[–]ssjbaez 0 points1 point ago

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oh look, more celebrity idol worship on reddit. what a surprise

[–]GAVROMAN 0 points1 point ago

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Emo Wolverine is gold!

[–]Dedmaroz69 0 points1 point ago

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Emo wolverine BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!