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What would you have done? (i.imgur.com)
submitted 6 months ago by dhusselbee
[–][deleted] 166 points167 points168 points 6 months ago
Malaria is evolving!
[–]rooktakesqueen 202 points203 points204 points 6 months ago
CANCEL IT CANCEL IT CANCEL IT
[–]SometimesATroll 120 points121 points122 points 6 months ago
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB! IT'S NOT WORKING!
[–]zubrin 97 points98 points99 points 6 months ago
SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.
[–]cure1245 32 points33 points34 points 6 months ago
I miss that game. Madagascar was the most annoying zone to nab -_-
[–]nikomo 64 points65 points66 points 6 months ago
Parasite, grab airborne, waterborne, rodents and insects, sell fever/sneezing (whichever you started with), wait until you get enough for lvl2 heat and moisture.
Suddenly majority of planet is infected with your parasite.
You won't have enough evolution points to go directly for heart attack or something, but you can just turn everyone into a bunch of vomiting, sneezing, hypersensitive blind people who are shitting themselves.
[–]NoMercy666 16 points17 points18 points 6 months ago
Replying to save this.
[–]Mekkz 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
Somebody sounds like they need RES.
[–]NoMercy666 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
I have Reddit Enhancement Suite but I was on my phone at the time.
[–]VohX 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
likewise
[–]ThatUsernameWasTaken 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
Reddit Enhancement Suite
[–]Jaraxo 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
This is pretty much you. You want to spread the disease without any symptoms or deaths to everyone. Only once everywhere is infected do you want to start killing people. You have to go slow though as if it spreads too fast people pick up on it and president madagascar shuts his borders.
[–]gandalf5166 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Restart until Madagascar is your starting zone. That said, I have fonder memories of the first one, where it was eastern Europe everybody was cursing over.
[–]JmjFu 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
I did that yesterday. I killed everyone in the world except for Cuba. Those tricky motherfuckers know to shut down everything.
[–]brianbrianbrian 12 points13 points14 points 6 months ago
If there's two things Castro knows, it's baseball and health care.
[–]juturnaamo 26 points27 points28 points 6 months ago
What's that? Malaria is trying to learn a new skill! Malaria just learned diarrhea!
[–]suprmario 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
Malaria just learned die.
[–]FlaiseSaffron 15 points16 points17 points 6 months ago
You mean kill? Die would be a pretty sad skill to learn. :P
[–]pooponascoop 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
Maybe self destruct?
[–]ShoggothKnight 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
No, better, Destiny Bond.
[–]TheGreatDan 25 points26 points27 points 6 months ago
Shit! Then maybe the flu virus is microscopic pokemon that goes through evolution every season?
[–]ncjenkin 35 points36 points37 points 6 months ago
So are HIV and AIDS the Mew and Mewtwo of our world?
[–]thrilldigger 24 points25 points26 points 6 months ago
AIDS is just a syndrome (HIV is a virus). I'd say Mew and Mewtwo are more like the prion diseases of our world... abso-fucking-lutely nothing can stop them from killing you. Also, they kill you by destroying your brain, just like a psychic Pokemon would.
[–]DrPhilly 20 points21 points22 points 6 months ago
If I was a psychic pokemon I'd kill you by using telekinesis and slamming you against a hard surface a bunch of times. You gotta think outside the box, man. What diseases kill people by slamming people against the wall a bunch of times?
[–]thrilldigger 15 points16 points17 points 6 months ago
That sounds like a lot of effort just to kill someone. Why not just cause a small concussive explosion in their head? Same result, less effort.
[–]no_puppets_here 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
People in comas are people who fucked with Mewtwo.
[–]oni-san 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Not as therapeutic though
[–]DrPhilly 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Because if you create an explosion within their brain, it would be less outwardly gruesome than a slow, bloody, broken bone-filled beating to death. Also, a concussive explosion in the head would kill them relatively quickly. A telekenetic beating could take hours and would be impossibly painful.
You could call me a sadist. I'd say that I just like making examples of people so that I don't have to do it again.
[–]thrilldigger 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
With enough practice, I'm sure you could learn to apply pressure in just the right manner, in just the right spot, to cause an unbearable amount of pain - and without actually causing physical damage. They wouldn't even need to die; they would just spend the rest of their miserable (and prolonged) existence in unimaginable pain, just on the edge of blacking out - but never able to obtain the sweet release from their personal hell that unconsciousness would bring.
As for gruesomeness, you could rupture any part of their body with very little effort (assuming the theoretical power you have requires an energy expenditure proportional to the mass being moved). You could create millions of papercuts all over their body, both inside and out. You could cause their eyes to explode, their fingernails to rip off... I could go on, but I won't (though many fantasy authors have).
You could even provide them relief from their pain. After their ragged, bloody body has been drained of all of its energy, after you run out of skin to cut - you disable the part of their brain that feels pain. Maybe you even begin stimulating the pleasure centers of their brain, causing dopamine and serotonin to release and fill them with an overwhelming sense of happiness and pleasure. And then you switch back. And forth. And back. And forth. After a week of that, whose will could possibly be left in-tact?
tl;dr - Darth Vader was a pussy. Force choke? You have the capacity to inflict unimaginable pain, and your best idea is to use the Force to do what you could simply have done with your hands?
[–]XIsACross 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
These things have the right idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuKjBIBBAL8&sns=em
Oh dear god no. NO.
[–]XIsACross 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Also: the game that's being made about what would happen if a 'mewtwo' version of the fungus was created : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLGxubfC1Ik&sns=em
[–]Kakofoni 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Mewtwo is already fucking with us!
[–]juturnaamo 311 points312 points313 points 6 months ago
And people could capture wild animals, train them, and make them fight each other until they lose consciousness.
[–]KingMotion 187 points188 points189 points 6 months ago
According to the Pokemon mythos, Pokemon enjoy it. Humans and Pokemon are supposed to co-exist as partners.
[–]Battlesheep 228 points229 points230 points 6 months ago
Maybe it's just stockholm syndrome?
[–]Dadi01 94 points95 points96 points 6 months ago
Do you think a pokemon as tall as a building (Onyx, etc) would get suffer stockholm syndrome to a human?
[–]carlsaischa 182 points183 points184 points 6 months ago
I thought Onyx was way smaller than this when Charizard is about as big as a person.
Then I checked out bulbapedia, apparently Onyx is 8.8 metres tall and weighs 210kg. From this I deduce Onyx is made of some kind of insulation foam and grey spraypaint.
[–]rhythmguy 66 points67 points68 points 6 months ago
25 feet tall, weighs as much as two fat guys...
[–]JarrettP 85 points86 points87 points 6 months ago
American translation:
As tall one-uh-dem monster trucks and as heavy Jimmy over thar... 'Murica!
[–]easternbikes99 63 points64 points65 points 6 months ago
Thank you for this translation as I was utterly confused beforehand.
[–]Freywin 21 points22 points23 points 6 months ago
heavy as Jimmy over thurr
[–]orthag 21 points22 points23 points 6 months ago
As an American who dislikes monster truck and is not fat, I found that vaguely amusing.
[–]Mogul126 19 points20 points21 points 6 months ago
I fail to see how anyone can dislike monster trucks. The people that go to the events, yes, but those trucks are pretty awesome regardless.
[–]orthag 8 points9 points10 points 6 months ago
The engineering is neat, yes.
[–]03Titanium 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
If you get the opportunity to drive one and run over a car, you would have to be some kind of terrorist not to yell "yee haww, yippie ka yay motherfucker"
[–]gosslot 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
I had trouble to understand what you have written...
[–]Quis_Custodiet 45 points46 points47 points 6 months ago
Sandstone brah, explains why he's so weak against water and grasstypes.
[–]Kowzorz 45 points46 points47 points 6 months ago
Considering that the mineral onyx (which presumably is what Onyx is made of) is 2.6 g/cm3 , this means that he takes up 546,000 cm3 or about 546 litres of space or about 19.28 feet3 so with a height of 8.8 meters or about 29 feet tall, and going by this picture's proportions, I estimate that it's about 9.33 times as long as it is wide which would mean it's about 0.94 feet in diameter, rounded up to 1.0 feet in diameter for ease of use (and since it's not exactly cylindrical. I used the midpoint of the Onyx). That means an Onyx would have to be 19.28 feet tall in order to have that much mass. Certainly not as little density as insulation foam, but not as heavy as onyx either.
[–]TheLongKnightofPizza 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
Uh oh, we've got a bubblebeam a comin'. Giant Onyx, watch out for the dangerous water bubbles.
[–]Kowzorz 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Water never made sense for rock to be weak against. Ice makes sense, but water takes many many years to even just smooth it, let alone erode it. Though I guess a high powered water jet like a BEAM of bubbles or water GUN could break it where fire would not, up to a certain temperature.
[–]RealG 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydraulic_mining
Scroll down to environmental effects.
[–]Saedeas 9 points10 points11 points 6 months ago
I love you for crunching the numbers.
[–]reddit_trolliosis 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
this could not be upvoted enough.
[–]orthag 42 points43 points44 points 6 months ago
He has really low self esteem.
[–]lordureq 130 points131 points132 points 6 months ago
http://i.imgur.com/kTwG6.jpg
[–]phelpsr 31 points32 points33 points 6 months ago
It makes me happy that this is a thing.
[–]Combustible_lem0ns 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
Why is it that Poké-puns never get old?
[–]phelpsr 8 points9 points10 points 6 months ago
the combination of formulaic humor and nostalgia is a hard one to beat.
[–]Combustible_lem0ns 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
I suppose you could say that's Pika-true. Too far?
[–]DKroner 7 points8 points9 points 6 months ago
http://academictips.org/blogs/the-elephant-rope/
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Conditioning is a helluva thing.
[–]manueslapera 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
BDSM
[–]Tickle-Monster 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
probably just Tokyo syndrome
[–]ObliviousUltralisk 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Now I'm imagining a reprogramming machine built into the Pokeball a la A Clockwork Orange.
[–]wheatfields 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
I am sure the roosters and dogs just LOOOOOVE fighting to near the point of death too.
Why do you think they got locked by in pokiballs, and they have to be "caught"? Pikachu was always just looking for a moment to escape.
"Got'a catch'em all!!" Ash was one twisted fuck!
[–]Zelcron 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Cockfighters actually do make this argument about gamecocks.
[–]rockmongoose 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
A universe where Pokemon were real...maaan..
I haven't wasted a few hours day dreaming like that in ages..
[–]Aesthenaut 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Dogs instinctually defend their territory. "Man's best friend," they call them.
Pokemon is pretty much a Japanese dog fighting game.
[–]funkmastapow[] 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
That would ruin the sanctity of marriage!
[–]Wasted_Bassist 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
Team Plasma refutes this pointin Gen. 5.
[–]elbruce 36 points37 points38 points 6 months ago
This is what I'm going to post.
There are plenty of cute animals you can train to fight each other in the world.
[–]juturnaamo 117 points118 points119 points 6 months ago
Maybe Michael Vick is just a really good Pokemon trainer.
[–]Dapwell 33 points34 points35 points 6 months ago
But then again, he did get caught by Officer Jenny...
[–]swampskater 23 points24 points25 points 6 months ago
I wonder if there is any group incompetent enough to be Team Rocket.
[–]lifejolt 51 points52 points53 points 6 months ago
Tea Party
[–]nickfromredcliff 30 points31 points32 points 6 months ago
Redditors.
[–]Hikikomori523 21 points22 points23 points 6 months ago
9gaggers. Oh wow that's worse sounding than Imgurians.
[–]lookintomyeyestosee 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
That sounds like an STD
Westboro Baptist Church
[–]swampskater 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
They're assholes and jerks, but not incompetent when it comes to being assholes.
[–]JmjFu 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
On the contrary, they're world class.
[–]thebeefytaco 14 points15 points16 points 6 months ago
Pokemon battles do exist. It's called dog fighting.
[–]AggressivelyDumb 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
That's illegal.
[–]quiz96 10 points11 points12 points 6 months ago
for now...
[–]D1yaa 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Michael Vick?
[–]Zigtastic 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
On the bright-side; bacon, narwhals, and buttsex.
Notbad.jpg
[–]guy_lovejoy 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
i read that as narwhal buttsex.... i did wonder what you were involved in....
[–]almillarskovich 71 points72 points73 points 6 months ago
Oh, yeah, the world would be a lot better if, early in human development, we had to compete with intelligent, super-powered animals.
[–]orthag 46 points47 points48 points 6 months ago
Survival of the fitest means we too would gain super powers.
[–]rebizzle9 57 points58 points59 points 6 months ago
Or we would just become extinct....
[–]Se7en_Sinner 39 points40 points41 points 6 months ago
Yes X-tinct, that's a great superhero name.
[–]AreaAtheist 26 points27 points28 points 6 months ago
Power of: fossilization!
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 6 months ago
Oh goodness, I fucking love this website and everybody in it.
Seriously, I love all of you guys.
[–]Nikopolja 8 points9 points10 points 6 months ago
Stop taking so much heroin, johnny
[–]raziphel[] 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
They'd capture us and make us fight against each other until we passed out?
[–]nebrija 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Hey man, all I want is a friend who doubles as a lethal weapon.
[–]USxMARINE 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
This is the best comment i've seen all month, the image in my mind right, classic.
[–]MyBatmanUnderoos 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
According to canon, humans have bee making pokeballs from apricorns for as long as 700 years (source: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Apricorn ) I realize modern humans have been around a lot longer than that, but wouldn't that put the invention of pokeballs at right about the time we pulled our asses out of the dark ages?
[–]almillarskovich 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
I. . . I dunno. Are the protagonists even of European descent? I though they were from Corneria or something.
[–]Vodis 39 points40 points41 points 6 months ago
It's easy to equate the underlying premise of the Pokemon world to real-world animal-fighting, but that's a gross oversimplification. Let's look at the big picture here.
Let's get the animal cruelty thing (a serious concern, to be sure) out of the way first: Pokemon aren't like animals. They seem to genuinely enjoy fighting. And it would appear that they don't have to obey their human masters, as evidenced by the fact that those at higher levels will ignore you unless you impress them with trainer badges. Also, the odds of them receiving any real harm from fighting are negligible: Consider that even if Arceus (the Pokemon equivalent of God, more or less), at level 100, were to hit your level 1 Caterpie with its most powerful attack, worst case scenario, your Caterpie gets knocked out. This is a world in which God finds killing a caterpillar to be a major undertaking. It would seem that harm is not a concept that translates well between our world and theirs. (I'm pretty sure some Pokemon eat others according to the Pokedex entries, but apparently serious injury isn't an issue when it comes to fighting, for whatever reason.) Furthermore, hunting Pokemon or otherwise hurting them seems to be a pretty universal taboo (with the exception that it seems to be okay to fish) in this world, as does destruction of the environment, so they don't have to face most of the problems humans pose to animals in our world.
As for the benefits, they are tremendous.
Medicine: In the Pokemon world, they have a device that you can just lay things on and it will instantly heal them to perfect health. These machines require no resources to function and are so abundant that literally every town, even down to the smallest, poorest villages, has one. And using them is free. Oh, and there are never any lines.
Government: No one ever complains about how the government works. The world is blatantly socialist, but everyone seems to be just fine with that. Poverty and homelessness are virtually unheard of, and unemployment isn't an issue because "freeloader" is apparently a perfectly legitimate and lucrative occupation. Instead of power-tripping racists with guns, their cops are friendly, helpful, attractive Asian girls who wield nothing more deadly than a baton. And while their K9 units may breathe fire, they have no interest in busting you for drugs.
Crime: Their largest, most dangerous organized crime groups rarely attempt anything that couldn't be fairly described as "hijinks." And they're too incompetent to even successfully pull their hijinks off.
Think of the children: This is a world so safe, that when your kid is ten years old, you can kick him out of the house to go battle monsters with magical powers for the rest of his life, penniless and uneducated, and know with full confidence that he'll turn out just fine and no serious harm will ever come to him.
That, my friends, is a world I'd like to live in, and I dare say, clearly a better world than our own.
[–]Collateral3 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Don't forget that there are grown men who follow your child all the time, only to carry them to a "hospital" when they faint out of sympathy because all their pokemon got knocked out.
[–]KarmakazeNZ 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago*
Actually, let's ignore the big picture and get down to the crux of the issue: animals fight. They love to fight in fact. They do it all the time when we're not around.
Who are we to deny their nature?
In fact, we pay millions of dollars to humans so that they will fight each other. Why is human fighting less immoral than animal fighting? You don't and can't force dogs to fight. You can bring them together and let them fight.
If you're religious, God made them to fight, if you're not, then there is no reason to consider fighting immoral. In fact the "struggle for survival" is the driving force of evolution. Natural selection is a fight to the death, and only the winners survive.
What can be immoral about the process that created us?
[–]Dentarthurdent42 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
Humans fight of their own volition, and are completely self-aware. The real immoral part about animal fights is the training. If you were to put to normal dogs (or whatever animals are fighting) in a ring, chances are they'd sniff each other's butts. Normal dogs don't automatically want to kill one another. They might nip or bite, but they will generally stop once they have asserted their dominance. It takes some serious animal abuse to train them to want kill one another.
We evolve through natural selection. Animal fighting is unnecessary artificial selection achieved through highly abusive means. Why do you think we no longer have gladiator battles in the civilized world?
[–]vadergeek 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
The thing about "Crime" isn't exactly accurate. Jessie, James, and Meowth are awful at their job, but Giovanni seems fairly competent, and at least two crime organizations almost ended life on earth.
[–]Kaluthir 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Also, the odds of them receiving any real harm from fighting are negligible
Gary (sometimes known as Dick, Bitch, or a variety of other names) had a Raticate that died after you battled it since he wasn't able to get to the Pokecenter in time.
[–]pipboy_warrior 14 points15 points16 points 6 months ago
Didn't Pikachu shock Ash with his lightning attacks on more than one occasion? I think I'll stay happy with kitties and puppies as pet options.
[–]pinkiswink 33 points34 points35 points 6 months ago
Ash stayed looking young for a decade though. Clearly Pikachu's electric shock is the fountain of youth.
[–]SimplyQuid 10 points11 points12 points 6 months ago
Malaria is where it's at man. Who wants Pokemon when they can have malaria?
[–]bamboo_guillotine 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
As long as it doesn't evolve..
[–]MyNameIsScott 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
This resonates with me. I used to pray heavily that God would allow me to go to the Pokemon world when I die as my heaven.
[–]breatherevenge 17 points18 points19 points 6 months ago
Sexually Transmitted Infections - Gotta catch 'em all
[–]USxMARINE 28 points29 points30 points 6 months ago
Nice try Snooki
[–]Chairboy 15 points16 points17 points 6 months ago
If you caught malaria as an STD... you may be doing something wrong.
[–]Fenris_uy 16 points17 points18 points 6 months ago
Or fucking a mosquito.
[–]TheInternetHivemind 7 points8 points9 points 6 months ago
Or something very right.
[–]Chairboy 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
I.... but....
Ok, yes.
[–]dave_casa 12 points13 points14 points 6 months ago
I would have made this very minor improvement to humans.
[–]Kelmi 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
You would need to have wings so big it's stupid. Or just smaller bodies.
Shit, now I'm wondering what would the human civilization look like if we had wings the size of a car or if we human were the size of an eagle.
[–]dave_casa 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
I'm god, I could work out the details.
[–]MyBatmanUnderoos 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
So, wings and the ability to fart fire?
Mostly just wings.
[–]TheTwist 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
He has altered the deal, pray that he does not alter it further.
[–]Captcha_Code 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
I'm agnostic. You just hit a soft spot for me. +1 for my inner atheist.
[–]ok413 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
This is my favorite Reddit post of all time.
[–]wizzrobe30 11 points12 points13 points 6 months ago
DAMN YOU GOOOOOD!!!!
[–]Stupio 13 points14 points15 points 6 months ago
Good?
[–]Sarc222 12 points13 points14 points 6 months ago
Damn, you good!!!
[–]Stupio 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
Thanks.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
Maltheism.
[–]awesome-bunny 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
Thee lordith works in mysterious ways! You can't understand something like the good side of malaria until you have it.
-John 14.2
[–]romanius24 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
God works in m....OH FUCK THAT!
[–]Arcnsparc 10 points11 points12 points 6 months ago
My special lady friend: Which pokemon is Malaria?
[–]MyBatmanUnderoos 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Missingno.
[–]coyote1284 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
Aren't there laws against taking advantage of the mentally challenged? :P
[–]Arcnsparc 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Hey now we ALL have our moments!
[–]AnimeGeek441 9 points10 points11 points 6 months ago
I would just be happy with being friends with pokemon, forget battling.
[–]AberrantNeko 12 points13 points14 points 6 months ago
I would make cute videos of them and post them on youtube.
[–]clinkytheclown 11 points12 points13 points 6 months ago
They'd be the new cats
[–]TheOuts1der 10 points11 points12 points 6 months ago
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
[–]clinkytheclown 8 points9 points10 points 6 months ago
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
[–]TisMyAutograph 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
But we do have chinchillas!
[–]JimmyBananers 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
If we were god in general or specifically on the option of pokemon? If my spore playthrough was any indication I don't need to be god.
[–]robotinator 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Meh, the American government would just make them illegal and put them in the hands of police and military.
[–]weclimbatree 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
As a kid, I remember praying and telling God all I wanted was for Pokemon to be in heaven. That's all I wanted
[–]1trull2many 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
To me, God will always just be that guy that could have made everything into a Henson puppet.
But instead was all like, nah man, wooden furniture to stub your toe on.
[–]todjunior 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Fuck Pokemon. I have my dog, and that's all I'll ever need.
[–]cloneciel 6 points7 points8 points 6 months ago
If I was God I wouldn't have made my humans minions aware that I exist, I wouldn't even invent the term, the thought of religion so that even men couldn't invent it, so they could progress without anything holding them back. I would've made them atheists so they wouldn't live in fear of spiting me, wouldn't fight wars in my name, and I would watch them do wonders. And then, when they all think that when they die, they cease to exist, I would put them in heavens with their family, on their own little cloud of happiness, and I'd make the cloud of happiness float away in the universe so they can see how vast and amazing our universe is.
[–]Mymyilikepie 7 points8 points9 points 6 months ago
Can you be god?
[–]cloneciel 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Sure, I'll summon lots of new pie flavors for you.
[–]Mymyilikepie 3 points4 points5 points 6 months ago
Thank you :D
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
I completely agree...
[–]when_did_i_grow_up 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
Cock fights are the closest thing we have to real life Pokemon.
[–]Atheose 7 points8 points9 points 6 months ago
Read this in Mitch Hedberg's voice.
[–]demostravius 5 points6 points7 points 6 months ago
I never thought of it that way... Now I really hate the bastard.
[–]midnightgiraffe 4 points5 points6 points 6 months ago
Malaria used kill African child. It's super effective!
[–]_Search_ 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
I'm so mad at God for not existing!!!
[–]DollarsforDerek 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Seeing Pikachu cry in that movie was and still is one of the saddest things I've ever watched.
[–]kalkent 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Being humans we'd do two things. Most of them we'd try an eat and the humanoid ones...we'd try an have sex with.
[–]Kabbalfist 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Psychedelics...
[–]nroberts666 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
I have to say...I think I'm with "God" on this one.
[–]QBRebel16 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Scumbag God. I prayed to him every night of my childhood for him to make Pokemon real. Sigh... the only time I really wanted prayer to work.
[–]scott01019 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Ikr. I've always wanted to be a real Pokemon master. :(
[–]bootclunk 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Baby sloths look kinda like pokemon.
But you can't train 'em to fight each other though.
...or can you? Has anyone tried?
[–]brezzz 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
"What is wrong with the original animals that I made for you to fight for your amusement?"
-God
[–]southpawlife 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
haha the comments are better than the image!
[–]Keiichi81 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Dammit Pikachu, why you gotta pull on my heartstrings like that...?
[–]Se7en_Sinner 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
The world's full of Pokemon...we just need somebody to invent Pokeballs.
[–]Eydude1 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
Im pretty sure if he would exist. He would create them but keepem to himself because he is such a giant wanker.
[–]chuckie2389 2 points3 points4 points 6 months ago
In addition, WHERE ARE TH FUCKING DRAGONS???!?!?!?
[–]doctorcrass 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Why the hell would we want massive flying reptiles that breath fire and are intelligent. Snakes are scary enough man.
[–]NinjaDinoCornShark 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Why the hell would we want massive flying reptiles that breath fire and are intelligent
Well, in some cases they are extremely cute.
[–]BrotherGA2 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
massive flying reptiles that breath fire and are intelligent.
You've just answered your own question by describing one of the coolest imaginable creatures ever.
I mean, worst case scenario, we are in perpetual war with Dragons, where as they use brute strength, fire, and maybe reproduction and we use our cultural and scientific prowess.
[–]raziphel[] 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
"Rabies, I choose you!"
...
And then created Digimon to shame the name of Pokemon.
[–]noagendaproducer 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
As practical as it might be to have a Pikachu around for when the power goes out, I would never want to raise pets and fight them.
[–]the-vicious-one 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
Maybe you would have said the same thing for cats, had they not existed.
/playing devil's advocate.
//in this case devil means god.
[–]SlimPikinZ 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
So how does this make you feel?
[–]timschwartz 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
Can someone explain what this means?
[–]KarmakazeNZ 1 point2 points3 points 6 months ago
Well, the OP loves the idea of pokemon but hates the idea of malaria. He's complaining about the apparent "fact" that god created malaria but not pokemon.
[–]galacticgaia 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
This is crazy talk, our current reality is way more amazing than fucking pokemans.
[–]TheBattler 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
I always wished Raichus were real. :-3
LOOK AT HOW CUTE HE IS HE HAS NO FINGERS.
[–]MacFourTwenty 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
I don't usually respond on here, but this post, made me laugh so much, had i been drinking any liquid, would have been spit it onto my computer thus ruining it.
So thanks for posting something so awesome!
[–]Danicus 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
...wouldn't those just be animals then? they evolve and we make them fight. the only difference is that we keep them in cages instead of balls and it's sort of frowned upon instead of encouraged to make them fight
[–]neorevenge 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
Nah he made them... on another dimension, so now you just have to be like that guy from sliders!!
[–]VisceralDan 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
Fuck pokemon, he should have made giant bears to protect nature from humanity.
[–]Hootietang 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
God according to you might have also created real living anime girls who actually chose to F you. Assumption based off your statement and statistical traits associated with anime lovers. lol im just teasing, but really it is a totally valid statement. lol and who am I kidding, I would do the girl off of Final Fantasy - The spirits within. lol
[–]coolstorybrosky 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
I've seriously thought this since i was like 10. About the same time I became somewhat of an atheist.
[–]Pokemaniac_Ron 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
I wanna be the alpha, And the omega toooooo. DUN DUN DUN I would make 643, And even pikachu.
All this after I split the land, From chaos far and near, DUN DUN DUN So you could get animals And pack them in a sphere!
Pokemon!
[–]Slambino 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
A wild malaria appears
[–]Gronzlo 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
Fun fact: When I was 2 years old, I got malaria. Twice.
[–]bondlegolas 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
This actually made my eyes water because I was so sad at this realization
[–]Moose_o 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
I laughed at first and then I became sad because I don't have a pokemon
[–]HarryBCDresden 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
He made Pikachu cry. Fuck him.
[–]arcturum 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
God did make pokemon, they're called "animals"
[–]moleofproduction 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
This is the most worthless post I've seen. Really? Pokemon is your fucking dream?
[–]kpexp 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
This makes me think of Mitch Hedberg.
[–]nimsay09 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
You just made me hate God for not doing that
[–]swimtwobird 0 points1 point2 points 6 months ago
How are you all dealing with not being in the front page anymore?
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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