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all 127 comments

[–]Friple 357 points358 points ago

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Wellllll he does live in Bikini Bottom....

[–]iNNeRKaoS 270 points271 points ago

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Close to Sandy Cheeks, and a pink starfish.

[–]TJFadness 291 points292 points ago

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And Mr. Krabs.

[–]Scarecrow_Boat 16 points17 points ago

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There's a joke here somewhere... Let me think... DON'T EAT THE CRAB DIP YEAH YEAH!

[–]smardalek 4 points5 points ago

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My dyslexia turned that into a bizarre sentence that I read in Zim's voice. DON'T EAT THE CRAP, DIB!

[–]ProfMembrane 6 points7 points ago

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NOT NOW SON, IM MAKING...............TOAST!

[–]smardalek 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you. My week has just been made, and I'm incredibly honored to have received your first comment. XD

[–]tensoccs 2 points3 points ago

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You are the AT&T of people.

[–]Third_Class 3 points4 points ago

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Squidward is kind of a dick

[–]Berkel 37 points38 points ago

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[–]JohnAdamZiolkowski 52 points53 points ago

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upvotes moving downwards just leaves me with an uneasy feeling...

[–]nannal 5 points6 points ago

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pick your monitor up, turn it 180 degrees, make it better

[–]JohnAdamZiolkowski 6 points7 points ago

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Lol that's honestly even weirder. Is there a version of that gif with downvotes?

[–]MoarVespenegas 0 points1 point ago

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They need to replace them with friendly SAM upvotes.
Nothing says "I agree with your point" like IR guided explosives.

[–]happyCuddleTime 0 points1 point ago

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Not to mention, the arrows are moving perfectly vertically downward relative to the plane. This suggests that the plane is hovering perfectly still.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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About to be orange...

HEYOOOOO!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And he's super absorbent... and porous. And yellow...?

[–]alaughinmoose 0 points1 point ago

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Wha..wh.. How the fuck did I never pick up on that..

[–]jynnan_tonnyx 2 points3 points ago

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Which, as it turns out, is in the Red Sea.

[–]smartalecky 69 points70 points ago

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But the Captain says he's absorbent in the song...

[–]I_wwebsite 14 points15 points ago

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*extra absorbent. What's next, the Spongebob Sponge for teen pregnancy prevention?

[–]DangerRanger01 83 points84 points ago

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[–]jglewis93 41 points42 points ago

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i hate you i hate you i hate you

[–]whatupmaaan 9 points10 points ago

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Thanks for ruining my childhood, asshole

[–]bosssss 1 point2 points ago

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i still watch it in my adulthood...its actually pretty funny still.

[–]PsychedelicFairy 2 points3 points ago

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Try rewatching old episodes of Rugrats for an entirely new set of jokes that flew right over your head as a kid.

[–]unheimlich -4 points-3 points ago

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If you watched Spongebob in your childhood, you are not in your adulthood. Sorry.

[–]DragonGT 5 points6 points ago

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I know 23 isn't that old but if I'm not considered an adult, I don't know what the hell I am.

[–]h00pla 1 point2 points ago

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I believe the derogatory term is 'man-child'

[–]theplungerofdoom 10 points11 points ago

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They're like those band-aids with the cartoons on them! Except the band-aids deal in bleed cuts, while these deal in bleeding....never mind.

[–]NarcoleptcSmurf 18 points19 points ago

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Cunts! There! I said it.

[–]Harfatum 7 points8 points ago

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This is yet more evidence that the big subreddits are becoming stupider. Lol Win Fail!!

[–]weaselbeef 94 points95 points ago*

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OOOOOOOHHHHH!

Who lives in a pussy that smells like the sea?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Edit: it's a joke, people. I'm a girl, I'm allowed to make jokes like this.

[–]Bezulba 11 points12 points ago

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i laughed. looks like i was the only one :P

[–]noodlz 8 points9 points ago

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I'll back you guys up, this made me chuckle.

[–]BangkokPadang 12 points13 points ago

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HAHA. I'm under the vaguest of impressions that if I laugh at your joke, somehow, we are more likely to bang.

[–]weaselbeef 4 points5 points ago

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I am 2/10 - 'would not bang' material...

[–]westonsbellpepper 4 points5 points ago

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I Googled "2 out of 10" in hopes that I could see what that looked like, and the second image was this. I think they must be using a differently weighted scale than I use, because I would pet the shit out of that cat.

[–]sumebrius 0 points1 point ago

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Just make sure you clean up after, k?

[–]BangkokPadang 7 points8 points ago

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if there is any truth to this at all, it is only because you think you are a 2/10.

If you start at the beginning of the universe, and follow the particles that make you, you through all of space and time, then you realize how incredible you really are. Suddenly, everyone is an 9 or 10 on the spectrum of awesomeness.

Yourself Included

[–]westonsbellpepper 1 point2 points ago

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I fully expected this to turn into a "just hit the gym, buy some new clothes and respect ur body and u will be so beautiful men will appreciate ur beauty and confidence and ur inner beauty." But then you just did something better. Also, cake day and shit.

[–]A_Muffin 2 points3 points ago

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Wait... That's good

[–]weaselbeef 2 points3 points ago

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Aha!

[–]A_Muffin 2 points3 points ago

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So your place or mine?

[–]weaselbeef 2 points3 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]C_M_O_TDibbler 21 points22 points ago

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this isn't a pineapple AAAAHHHHHHHH

[–]jimmy_legs 10 points11 points ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome. Did it actually make it into the episode or is that from a blooper reel?

[–]ExtraMarshmallows 5 points6 points ago

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Nope, huge bucket of nopes

[–]Detuned-Radio 5 points6 points ago

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Box of Tampax - $12.99

Spongebob Squarepants Shirt - $9.99 (on sale in Walmart)

Being deflowered by your first Spongebob tampon - Priceless

There are some things money can't buy-for everything else, there's Master Card®.

[–]mialbowy 24 points25 points ago

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Pedobear is going to be so jealous!

[–]lurkerturneduser 8 points9 points ago

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Menstruating = too old.

[–]I_Will_Allow_This 1 point2 points ago

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The blood isn't from menstruating.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]StealthNL 4 points5 points ago

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Thanks for explaining that!

[–]Kinglink 10 points11 points ago

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I'm dating a girl with an 8 year old daughter. Apparently there's a problem now where girls as young as 8 are starting their periods

They blame hormones in the food and other stuff, I don't know what the reason is but it's happening. And thus the child's period market will probably be a booming market for quite a while. I'm sure there'll be a Phineus and Ferb Tampon after a while.

What the fuck.

[–]DeLoreanMotorCars 2 points3 points ago

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It's common among overweight girls, too. And we know US kids are all getting bigger.

[–]M3wThr33 2 points3 points ago

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It also has to do with stress. There's a HUGE markup in early periods for girls of single parents. The fact that you're telling me you're dating her mom answers that question.

[–]ssirin88 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah if Kinglink was dating my mom, I'd have my period too. And I'm a 24 year old male.

[–]csixty4 2 points3 points ago

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Apparently there's a problem now where girls as young as 8 are starting their periods

I'm sure there'll be a Phineus and Ferb Tampon after a while.

Aren't you a little young to be using feminine hygiene products?

[–]kestaa 8 points9 points ago

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I was under the impression that this had to do with weight/body fat and nutrition. I'm thinking of gymnasts, who can seem to not hit puberty until their late teens or even later, and a couple of personal anecdotes (I went to school with an overweight 8-year-old who had proper breasts, not just rolls, and I personally stopped menstruating for several months as a teenager at the height of an eating disorder I don't really want to get into). But I'm far too lazy right now to look for any reliable/scientific information.

[–]lordofALLsquirrels 8 points9 points ago

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Here's some moderately scientific and overly anthropomorphized info for you then.

When menstruation does start, the body is ready for the burden of supporting a child. The body doesn't have a real "sense" for age, so overweight children can be judged by sensors it does have as having built enough reserves to be ready to spend them on that big ol' parasite.

The opposite is true for thin girls. No matter how old you are, if the body doesn't deem its reserves large enough, the process probably won't start yet, or if it has started already ovulation will cease until fat stores are regained. The body isn't in the business of risking your own starvation to feed an embryo.

[–]dash4g 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Kinglink 2 points3 points ago

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Don't get me wrong, I agree with you, but I get an earful when I don't attribute a part of it to the growth hormones. And part of it is likely the hormones that are in the food.

Damn she has me trained!

[–]kestaa 2 points3 points ago

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But, why is it likely? I'm not saying it's necessarily not, it just bothers me a bit when people cling to whatever explanation feels good whether or not there's any evidence to support it. (And I realize it can look like I'm guilty of that in my previous comment, but 1) I'm pretty sure I read some studies, once, somewhere that supported that and 2) if that's not the case, I'll happily admit that I was wrong.)

But far be it from me to disparage your lady. Given my ex's recent complaint that I've "ruined non-skeptical women" for him, I suspect that I'm a bit of a rarity.

[–]Kinglink -1 points0 points ago

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I was sort of making a joke.

But I have read a few studies (to be honest I didn't read the whole study, so I admit I'm under informed in this) that say growth hormones does have effect, when they compared European and American children against third world numbers, they noticed those who would be more likely exposed to synthetic HGH through meats did have periods younger.

I can't find the report now, but if I remember right (and I'm sure I don't ) it was a correlation not a causation. Which means you certainly can be right, there might not be a firm link between Bovine growth hormones.

Now of course those people who are exposed to the hormones probably had more money, and extra weight is actually a sign of opulence. (Americans have ruined that trend, but in society before Mcdonald's came around, fatness was actually a sign of wealth) but the correlation was there, which is why I left the word "likely". I don't think it over weights the factors you mentioned (a fat girl will have her period over a girl who eats the growth hormones but is in shape)

And don't get me wrong, I'm a complete skeptic in most things, but I never really cared about this, though conversation has me quite interested now.

[–]Rathum 1 point2 points ago

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Growth hormones are illegal to use in all meats in the United States. The only growth hormone legal in the US is a specific bovine hormone used in dairy production that is chemically inactive in humans. People touting the lack of hormones in organic meats pisses me off to no end.

There's no possible way that growth hormones are contributing to the lowered age of puberty.

[–]kestaa 0 points1 point ago

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Would I be right in thinking that the European/American children were exposed to hormones and the 3rd world children were not? Because it seems like that would make it difficult to control for weight and general nutrition.

I actually think I'm getting way too interested in this for someone who doesn't even eat meat. (Because I dislike the taste, for what it's worth.) But I also live in a city where the 'chemicals = bad' mentality is pretty prominent, so it's a bit of a button for me.

[–]Kinglink 0 points1 point ago

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I moved out to Los Angeles and that's probably why it's important to the people I talk to as well.

It's funny all the crap like this that is "important" in Los Angeles, where pretty much everywhere else I lived no one cared, or realized simple solutions around.

[–]kestaa 0 points1 point ago

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Personally I think it says a lot for how good we have it that we have to manufacture ways in which the powers that be are secretly trying to kill us. (That's just a bit of my own bias coming through, right there.)

[–]yunotxgirl 0 points1 point ago

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Wish I had a phineas and ferb tampon..

[–]Jill4ChrisRed 0 points1 point ago

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Periods can start in girls as young as seven in some cases, this has happened throughout history. It's just that it's become much, much more advertised and more talked about in modern society.

[–]Kinglink 0 points1 point ago

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I doubt there's any proof or answer to this but is it happening more often now? Or is the levels about normal (accounting for larger americans)

[–]Jill4ChrisRed 0 points1 point ago

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I'm not sure, but from experience, I know that I started early and I was average weight, maybe under average a little but I started at around eight years old. My female family members all started around the same age, going back over fourty years, but it was just never really spoken about. In fact, when my mother started when she was little, she had no idea what the heck was going on and freaked out because it was 'never spoken about' and she was terrified until her father explained to her. (I have no idea why her mother didn't, but I've never really asked so meh) I think it's been pretty much the same age throughout history, it's just now it's more acceptable and not seen as something dirty or to be looked down on.

[–]R3MY 2 points3 points ago

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Pillowpants?

[–]putsch80 12 points13 points ago

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I'm guessing some marketing exec thought this would be a great way to make the transition into womanhood easier for girls having their first periods. In reality, many will be scarred for life when they pull that yellow mass out of themselves and believe their vagina has brutally murdered Spongebob.

[–]usedtowork 15 points16 points ago

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or more likely it's a bad fake

[–]yep45 2 points3 points ago

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is the "FAIL" necessary?

[–]snacksmoto 1 point2 points ago

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[–]jakemyers7 1 point2 points ago

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shes flatter then spongebob

[–]SynthPrax 1 point2 points ago

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Tampax, no! No, Tampax!!

[–]judgej2 1 point2 points ago

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If he puffs up square, then how strong will that piece of string need to be?

[–]potsmoker420 1 point2 points ago

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fake and gay

[–]just_go_with_it 1 point2 points ago

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sea sponges are actually a great alternative to tampons. theyre cheap and re-usable and like 10xs more absorbent. course the part where you ahve to rinse it out is like the hallway scene from the shining

[–]imgur-mirror-bot 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Kurigauth 1 point2 points ago

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whoooooooooo LIVES-IN-A-VA-GI-NA-UN-DER-THE-SEA

[–]acidvolt 0 points1 point ago

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oh God...

[–]xbsorx 0 points1 point ago

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[–]mattbarber51993 0 points1 point ago

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Not sure if supposed to be his nose, or his dick...

[–]imjustmichelle 0 points1 point ago

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the Amazing Mister Absorbency!!!

I'll leave now

[–]darkNergy 0 points1 point ago

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Did you guys notice that this girl looks exactly like Spongebob?

[–]esoteric_enigma 0 points1 point ago

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Built for your daughters Bikini Bottom...

[–]sikumiku 0 points1 point ago

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I'd buy it.

[–]Raging_Elephant 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think it's necessary to type "[pic]" because most things on r/funny are pictures

[–]srry72 0 points1 point ago

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That's the first time I've seen a girl that young advertise tampons. I guess it should be a good thing. I don't know

[–]micahshell 0 points1 point ago

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he's super absorbent, and he lives in bikini bottom.

[–]Viking_Lordbeast 0 points1 point ago

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And now I play the waiting game.

[–]SUPERKAMIGURU 0 points1 point ago

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Where's Hans?

[–]Halveraptor 0 points1 point ago

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This is almost my Spongebob pregnancy test idea from five years ago.

[–]monkeyballs2 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome. I'd use those lol

[–]Mikulak25 0 points1 point ago

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He's absorbant though...

[–]Flaydogg 0 points1 point ago

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Ummm... I would buy the shit out of spongebob tampons!

[–]jermacalocas 0 points1 point ago

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Is this for real?

[–]DangerChips 0 points1 point ago

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But he does live in Bikini Bottom.. so.. there is that.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TJFadness 15 points16 points ago

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I can't find it on anything but "fail" blogs, so I'm assuming that it's fake.

[–]b1rd 8 points9 points ago

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Can't be much worse than the bleach they use to make normal tampons so white.

[–]Deformed_Crab 4 points5 points ago

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Why bleach? What color are naturally grown tampons?

[–]dunkdaddy 8 points9 points ago

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Cherokee Hair.

[–]jreenfin 0 points1 point ago

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What!?!

[–]wwwyzzrd 1 point2 points ago

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what color is cotton?

[–]b1rd 0 points1 point ago

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White, but apparently not white enough because they bleach it further into perfect whiteness.

[–]wwwyzzrd 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, its weird isn't it? Bleached white cotton tampons are more marketable than kinda off white tampons.

[–]b1rd 2 points3 points ago

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I'm not questioning the manufacturers for doing what makes them more money; I'm questioning the consumers who give a shit what color their tampons are.

Most women use tampons in applicators so they literally never even see the color of the tampon because when it goes in it's hidden in the applicator and when it comes out it's red, obviously. So I just don't get why it matters at all.

[–]catesping 1 point2 points ago

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my guess is that they tried it out with a group of women who all looked at it and got the feeling that it was dirty. even if told after that they were clean, it might have been enough to scare the manufacturers into whitening it further.

[–]partanimal 1 point2 points ago

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It doesn't. I only use unbleached with cardboard applicator (or no applicator).

Just so you know, though, it doesn't really come out "red." Parts of it are red, but on most days the whole thing isn't going to be that bloody.

[–]ZombieLikesPuns 0 points1 point ago

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Cardboard... bless your soul :S

[–]b1rd 0 points1 point ago

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I'm a female and mine is pretty red most of the time. I suppose it differs for different uteri.

And obviously it does matter to some women since they're still bleaching the products. Either that or the manufacturers are under the impression it matters to some women. It doesn't matter to me personally. I just buy what's on sale.

[–]justskidding 0 points1 point ago

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That first day or two it comes out near-black.

[–]b1rd 0 points1 point ago

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Not sure why. It seems pointless to me. Un-bleached cotton tampons are a sort of off-white. Bleaching it just seems unnecessary.

[–]beccaonice 3 points4 points ago

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It couldn't possibly be photoshopped.

[–]babettebaboon 0 points1 point ago

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Girls begin to menstruate as young at 9 year old. I was 12 when I started.

[–]RandomMandarin 0 points1 point ago

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[–]forevabronze -1 points0 points ago

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RULE 34 NO.FUCKING.EXCEPTIONS

[–]DinkiDu -1 points0 points ago

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Oh My Gawd.....Just.....Woah

[–]ab103630 -5 points-4 points ago

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How could you be pregnant?? I thought you said you had a sponge in your... Ooooooh, you meant me!

[–]notalexkapranos -3 points-2 points ago

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That's the first fail caption I've seen in a long time.

[–]newtothelyte -3 points-2 points ago

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OOOO WHO LIVES IN A VAGINA UNDER THE SEA?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]aterlumen 5 points6 points ago

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Not being 14, I just don't feel comfortable reading that first sentence.