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all 157 comments

[–]annaftw 146 points147 points ago

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That is the fattest ferret I did ever see.

[–]canttell 50 points51 points ago

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Boy ferrets are much fatter and their weight fluctuates with the different seasons. Plus this ferret is clean so it's fur is fluffy. He will look a lot different when wet.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Yep, thats obviously a winter coat/fluff. One of my ferrets gets around that size every winter, but he isn't as big this year because winter was practically nonexistent.

[–]Bernie_Roscoe 12 points13 points ago

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What is winter?

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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Well, long ago we had these things called seasons. They would happen when the earth rotated to just the right spots on an invisible line called the axis. There was spring, a time for rebirth and beautiful flowers; summer, a time for ice cream men and sprinklers and barbeques with the neighbors; autumn, when all the children would dress up in scary costumes and there were piles of leaves begging to be jumped in on every block; and last but not least was winter. Winter brought us presents, snow and hot cocoa, and sometimes drunken uncles who yell too loud and start fights. Winter had sledding and ice skating and children staying up late to see santa with their own two eyes, and making gingerbread men with grandmas and throwing snowballs with your friends.

No one knows what really happened to winter, but if you ask Al Gore, he'll tell you global warming killed it.

[–]termites2 0 points1 point ago

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That reminds me of the old sci-fi story 'All summer in one day'. It's about a planet that gets one day of sunshine every seven years.

They made of film of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QWmahMdeGU

[–]Crimsonial 1 point2 points ago

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Holy crap, I remember reading that back in the day and always kinda replaced the title in my head with 'children are terrible'.

[–]LBK2013 0 points1 point ago

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It's about Venus.

[–]Themiffins 24 points25 points ago

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look a lot different when wet.

Hmm, yes.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SovreignTripod 27 points28 points ago

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Try /r/askscience if you don't want sex jokes. Or any jokes.

[–]Vultyre 3 points4 points ago

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Those comments still have them, though. You just have to unhide the posts with the 10 downvotes at the bottom.

[–]burble13 2 points3 points ago

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Or they try to answer in an educated troll response.

[–]SovreignTripod 3 points4 points ago

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Well yeah. But you have to actively try to find them there, they aren't staring you in the face at the top of the page.

[–]darawr13 2 points3 points ago

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Indeed. my girl ferret hardly weighs 1lb, my boy ferret probably weighs at least 2 or 3, minimum and he is only 4-5 months old, she is nearly two years old.

[–]canttell 4 points5 points ago

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The girl I have is approx 1.5 pounds and 3 years old. She gives ferret kisses. I love her so much!

[–]darawr13 2 points3 points ago

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ferret kisses. :3:3:3:3:3:3:3

[–]canttell 1 point2 points ago

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It's the reason I got her! Met her in a shop and when I picked her up she immediately began licking me. Still does it three years later and is the only ferret i trust sleeping with me/near my face n stuff.

[–]darawr13 1 point2 points ago

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awww, my girl doesn't give kisses very often. only when she has fallen asleep and i pick her up and hold her. My boy;however, will give kisses all the time. He also is a bit of a biter. I've got him to stop nipping at me, but other people he tends to be more aggressive with..all in good time.

[–]canttell 0 points1 point ago

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In my experience boys bite more. I don't really count nipping I still let my ferret do that when we play. Cause when she nips me and I sit still she will lick it like she fake wounded me lol

[–]dossier 2 points3 points ago

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You mean clean as in bathed that day right? You shouldn't wash ferrets too often, it's bad for their glands and skin.

[–]canttell 0 points1 point ago

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I don't mean as cleaned that day, but I am aware they should not be cleaned too often. Ferrets fur stay fluffy like that for a good amount of time if they stay inside.

[–]creedos 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah Jesus I thought it was a possum for a second.

[–]zmansman17 3 points4 points ago

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Sometimes I do this when I see Jif as well. Please don't judge.

[–]Strawberry_Poptart 1 point2 points ago

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Man do I feel stupid. I thought that was a badger.

[–]ElectronicFerret 0 points1 point ago

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Inferior organic model.

[–]MileageAddict 0 points1 point ago

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Of course he is fat. What did you expect? That puffball lives on peanut butter!

[–]agent_purrito 74 points75 points ago

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He just can't handle it!

[–]never_knows_best 28 points29 points ago

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YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE JIF!

[–]AbstractNullity 14 points15 points ago

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YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE GIF!

[–]420wasabisnappin 13 points14 points ago

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cake day! happy!

[–]canttell 62 points63 points ago

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As a ferret owner, I automatically give up-votes to these critters.

Also, accurate depiction of average ferret behavior. I love mine.

[–]lolipopp 12 points13 points ago

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I'm jealous. Ferrets are illegal to own in California :(

[–]hobodemon 7 points8 points ago

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Not sure if joke about California...or serious...

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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Serious. They have been illegal there for a long time.

[–]hobodemon 14 points15 points ago

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Goddamnit, California, you can take away my double-stack magazines, and my concealable belt sword, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO PRY MY FERRETS FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS

[–]ChiperSoft 2 points3 points ago

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And the stupid thing is that its not even a case of the public being in favor of the ban. Groups keep going to the California Department of Fish & Game to try to get the ban lifted, and the board wont even respond. They stonewall time and time again, throwing up excuse after excuse or in some cases simply outright going silent.

It's simply a case of a bunch of legislators that don't want ferrets and are abusing their position.

[–]bluetoyoutoo 2 points3 points ago

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:'|

[–]lolipopp 4 points5 points ago

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I wish I was joking.

[–]Sedako 1 point2 points ago

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I really don't understand why certain states ban ferrets. They only exist in captivity, and cannot fend for themselves in the wild. Cats can do so much harm to the local wildlife, but no one bats an eye at that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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They claim they're illegal in Cali because they could harm the local Black Footed Ferret population. I'd think since BF Ferrets are actually native European Ferrets wouldn't stand a chance. They can't even handle temperatures over 80some degrees.

[–]pinkflowers 0 points1 point ago

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So say I'm visting from another state and I want to bring my ferret. Would I get in trouble for ferret smuggling?

[–]lolipopp 0 points1 point ago

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Yup. You would have to fly into Nevada, and this website I just found would give you pointers on how to smuggle in your ferret into the state by car and avoid checkpoints.

[–]naive_dreamer 8 points9 points ago

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are they aware or rando/re-re creatures?

[–]chill613 36 points37 points ago

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I've got 3 and one cat.. I've had a couple ferrets over the years. They have distinct personalities and mannerisms ontop of being endlessly curious.

Out of the 3 ferrets, only one greets me as I come/leave, the others sleep, one is very relaxed while another is demanding.

When they get excited they do seem to lose their shit though, what little logic they've got goes out the window.

[–]smosher13 4 points5 points ago

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My ferret always flips a shit when running around my room. I put him on my bed sometimes and he's excited, runs around, does his little jumpy dookey thing, and proceeds to jump and fall off the bed.

[–]dossier 4 points5 points ago

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When they get excited they do seem to lose their shit though, what little logic they've got goes out the window.

lol'd

[–]canttell 6 points7 points ago

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What do you mean by are they aware? They are pretty re re because they're so energetic and curious. But also they have bad vision. I think they're color blind. They give a derp blank stare often because of it.

[–]spotinthesuns 6 points7 points ago

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They also can't see any detail further than about 2 ferret lengths and they have little to no depth perception.

Oh, and the only color they can see if red.

[–]Kowzorz 8 points9 points ago

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So apart from the red thing, they're basically me? Well, I can only see about two thirds a ferret length away from me without it being crazy blurry. And I'm blind in one eye so no depth perception. I wish I could see the world in 3D :(

[–]Poncyhair 3 points4 points ago

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I've often heard that ferret owners are, for lack of a scientific label, fucking bonkers.

Can you verify this?

[–]canttell 0 points1 point ago

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Yes. I am very bonkers for my ferret, I love her!

[–]MadCervantes 2 points3 points ago

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I've always wanted one. I've been told they're really stinky though. Is this true?

[–]canttell 2 points3 points ago

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Pretty much, boys smell more than girls IMO. But if you maintain their cage enough (I have one girl and clean it once a week) the smell is not bad. They need to be bathed about twice a year. I don't notice the smell, and company says its noticeable but not bad (just in the room I have the cage.)

[–]MadCervantes 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks :D

[–]canttell 1 point2 points ago

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My pleasure! I like to talk about ferrets

[–]Hashashiyyin 0 points1 point ago

I have 3 boys and they don't smell too bad at all(I clean the cage daily though)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Not really. Just keep the cage clean and don't wash them, and there are supplements you can use to make their skin's oils less noticeable. I use goodbye odor and all 4 of our ferrets smell like honey. And feeding them the right foods helps a lot. No one can smell ours, if they could I would've gotten an angry letter from my landlord by now, and she sends people to check the air filters less than 5 feet from the cage 4 times a year.

[–]MadCervantes 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks for the info. And don't wash them? Is it because it's like wet dog?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Washing them dries out their skin and makes them produce more smelly oils, kind of like if you have bad acne and wash your face too often it makes your acne worse. Most people suggest you wash them at most once every season, I wash ours twice a year, after each major shed (Winter and summer).

[–]MadCervantes 0 points1 point ago

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Cool. Thanks

[–]dossier 1 point2 points ago

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my fav animal :)

[–]Myth51 0 points1 point ago

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Don't they stink? I always thought they were disgusting animals because of the smell that they give off and how musty and dirty the room you keep them in always seems.

A friend of mine growing up had one and they just kept it in a cage. It had sharp claws and was stinky and dirty and just gross.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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If you clean the cage often and feed them quality food they don't smell as bad, you aren't supposed to bathe them more than twice a year, or else they smell worse because their skin produces more oils.

There are supplements you can give them to make them smell better. Our get one that makes them smell like honey.

[–]stanfan114 2 points3 points ago

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They smell a little musky but not too bad.

My friend Oscar had a ferret named Faust. This was in college, and Oscar drank a lot of booze, and had a habit of leaving bottles lying around. Faust the ferret developed a taste for booze somehow, and would tip nearly empty bottles over and lap up the remaining.

We often found the little carpet shark passed out half in his cage.

[–]thatgrl 0 points1 point ago

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Roommate and I had a similar issue with ferrets and alcohol, we had 2 ferrets and let them run loose in the living room when we were at home. One evening several friends came by and someone mixed amaretto (sp) and pineapple to drink and we sat in the living room watching movies while the ferrets ran around, at first we were watching the ferrets then they went unnoticed as they took sips of any drink they could access. We stopped them when someone pointed out the ferret couldn't walk properly. Next day, hungover ferrets. Tl,dr; people drank, ferrets drank, people drank after ferrets, Ick. Ferrets got drunk.

[–]darawr13 2 points3 points ago

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it's not like they are just reeking of old garbage or something. They are definitely musky, but it's not overtly offensive.

[–]canttell 0 points1 point ago

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Yes they do stink still, boys more than girls. If you maintain their cages (I only have to clean my girls cage once a week) the smell wont be bad. I never let my ferrets cage get smelly cause I put her in there every night!

[–]SuperFerret3 0 points1 point ago

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The scent can be controlled through proper cleaning, changing their bedding and litter, brushing, and not-too-often-but-often-enough bathing. Often times it's the cage and litter that is producing the worst of the smells.

[–]Tobster47 -2 points-1 points ago

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yes they do always stink. even if the scent glands are removed (which is mostly the case) they still have a smell. most people dont bathe them often enough.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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You are only supposed to bathe them twice a year, or else their skin secretes more bad smelling oils, and gives them dandruff in a lot of cases.

[–]dossier 0 points1 point ago

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source? I heard something similar but more like once every couple months.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Well, I got my info from both the ferret.com forum, my vet, multiple ferret owners/breeders I've met and Ferrets for Dummies, and since I can't find an excerpt from that online, I can't really show you that, but I did find someone explaining pretty much what the book said here. Not really a credible source but the best I can do since I stopped going on the ferret.com forums.

[–]dossier 0 points1 point ago

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ty good enough :)

I grew up having to babysit ferrets sometimes.. They'd run free range in my basement and they miraculously pooped where they were supposed to. Every. Damn. Corner. lol

[–]sonofgiants 49 points50 points ago

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What a funny looking cat

[–]Antixian 25 points26 points ago

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It's a pointy kitty!

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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Snake dog.

[–]WonTonBurritoMeals 7 points8 points ago

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Reddit should learn to love ferrets. They are amazingly entertaining, and those willing to put up with the stench should be rewarded with karma.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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They really don't smell that bad if you actually know how to take care of them.

Or, at least, no one notices our 4 ferrets until they walk into our bedroom and see the huge cage. If they could, my landlord would certainly have some stern words for me (They haven't been reported as living here, and we've had them for over a year).

[–]AllDesperadoStation -1 points0 points ago

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Not willing to put up with stench to have animal in my home which belongs outside.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Unless you live in England a ferret would die outside.

[–]9Freeski 73 points74 points ago

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You could say he went nutty.

[–]SplatterSack 48 points49 points ago

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Peanuts are legumes. He went legumey...

[–]NotMarkus 27 points28 points ago

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Thank you for derailing this pun thread.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]pooptrack 0 points1 point ago

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nope

[–]MrBeardy -3 points-2 points ago*

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Too many peanut colada's.

Edit: I regret nothing.

[–]9Freeski 5 points6 points ago

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He fell over in a JIFfy.

[–]thehillz 23 points24 points ago

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awww I miss my ferret soooo much right now :C

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Psythik 4 points5 points ago

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Serious WTF going on here on that price.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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All ferret cages are severely overpriced. Even the most bare basic cages that can only comfortably house 2 baby ferrets or 1 full grown one (And they need to live in groups since they are social creatures) are $100+.

[–]darawr13 1 point2 points ago

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HOLY CRAP, i am going to need to invest in this.

[–]AndersonCouncil 6 points7 points ago

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JIF is the greatest peanut butter ever. It costs like 14 bucks a jar in Canada so whenever my grandparents go to the US they bring us back literally 35-50 jars :)

[–]sprankton 2 points3 points ago

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Are your tariffs that high on all food or just peanut butter?

[–]AndersonCouncil 2 points3 points ago*

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It depends where you are. Most stuff is pretty reasonable.

The three food items that are marked up MASSIVELY in Canada:

  1. Higher End Brands- Like Jiff, L&L Sauce... but most other peanut butter and fish sauce costs a fraction of that. Mostly it's because the company has only exclusive "dealers" in Canada whereas they have widespread distribution in the US. In Ottawa, only one store carry's JIF. In Toronto and Montreal, a few more stores carry it so its a little bit less expensive. Still marked up though.

  2. Fast food- Let me start off by saying, McDonalds in the US is fucking insane. Outside of New York I saw a 20 piece McNugget MEAL for 4.99. First off, they don't even have a 20 piece meal in Canada. Second off, I don't eat at McDicks, but if I remember correctly from stopping there with friends it costs 5.99 for 6 McNuggets, no meal included. On top of that, we have a decent amount of taxes on our food.

  3. Liquor- This one doesn't require much explanation. Our liquor is only sold at government licensed stores like LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario), for example. So in the U.S you can get booze just about anywhere, but in Canada it's almost entirely monopolized by the government. Therefore, prices are marked way up. Quebec sells beer and wine at corner stores but that's all I believe.

Besides that most food is sold at pretty standard price. Marked up a bit but nothing massive. I'm sure I'm missing out on something so anyone out there can feel free to correct me.

[–]sushisushisushi 2 points3 points ago

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So in the U.S you can get booze just about anywhere, but in Canada it's almost entirely monopolized by the government

Not true. And even in states that do not have retail monopolies, the sale of beer and liquor is sometimes confined to package stores or a certain number of licensed retailers per area.

[–]NekkidSnaku 0 points1 point ago

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Pennsylvania is one of them. So weird not being able to go into a corner store and picking up a pack of beer...you have to go to a bar to get six packs, and an actual beer store to get anything greater than that. If you want hard liquor you gotta go to an actual liquor store, they do not sell it at beer stores and vice versa.

[–]AndersonCouncil 0 points1 point ago

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Alright, but for the most part its much, much easier to get in the US. Almost every American grocery store I've been in had beer at the very least. Obviously I'm not doubting your data but the point I made still stands, even in light of that map.

[–]strig 0 points1 point ago

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In Ottawa, only one store carry's JIF

What store is that? This is quite relevant to me.

[–]AndersonCouncil 0 points1 point ago

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Produce Depot on Carling has it sometimes, but very rarely. There's another store that I've never been to personally that always carries it I believe. Respond to this to remind me to figure it out in the morning!

[–]ReesesPoofs 11 points12 points ago

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AW WHAT YOU DOIN ROLLIN AROUND AND SHIT

AW FUCK YOU JUST ROLLED THE OTHER DIRECTION U SO FUCKIN CRAZY

[–]Balizzm 5 points6 points ago

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I miss my ferrets too..:( grew up with them, best pets ever!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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the fuck

[–]TeutonicDisorder 2 points3 points ago

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He thought the slow rolling back and forth was an aggressive posture.

[–]wasting_internet 2 points3 points ago

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JIF: the choice of choosy moms and epileptic ferrets

[–]Derlus 2 points3 points ago

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More of a .jif than a .gif...

[–]doombunny0 2 points3 points ago

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Peanut butter is one hell of a drug.

[–]thekokirikid 2 points3 points ago

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all hail the rolling peanut butter!

roll as a sign of respect!

[–]lmcclel 4 points5 points ago

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Is he barking? Do ferrets bark?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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They make a noise called a "dook". When they jump/roll around like that it is called a "Weasel War Dance".

[–]lmcclel 3 points4 points ago

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"Weasel War Dance"?! Too cute! Also, dooking (adding the -ing makes it sound dirty) reminds me of a bird noise, sort of like pigeons cooing or something.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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It's a very cute noise, especially if you get a couple of them to start dancing at the same time and they'll dook back and fourth. They also play fight where they'll alligator roll each other (Or socks) and hiss like a snake.

[–]Adrienne926 2 points3 points ago

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Mine used to constantly do the ''speed bump'' right in front of me while I was walking.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Mine like doing that, but only if they know I'll most likely trip trying to avoid them. They're evil little things, but I love them.

[–]hitoshinji 1 point2 points ago

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That sound reminds me of my 90's motorcycle

[–]UniQueLyEviL 1 point2 points ago

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What the hell is going on here?Lol Is there video?

[–]HighInAK 1 point2 points ago

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That shit cray.

[–]Ogre013 1 point2 points ago

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It's a ferret Wardance! They all do it.

[–]Tralan 1 point2 points ago

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Those crazy little bastards. Mine would smell peanut butter on my breath and go ape-shit. I "trained" him to use a littler box with peanut butter. All that did was teach him to go into the littler box and back into a corner like he was pooping when he wanted peanut butter. I loved him... but he was an asshole.

[–]Soylent_Gringo 1 point2 points ago

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I used to have a skunk that would do that shit.

[–]Trevsweb 1 point2 points ago

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:3 love it!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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My ferret does the same shit. I thought he was just mildly retarded.

[–]CokeHeadRob 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of Rubber, but with peanut butter.

[–]netraven5000 0 points1 point ago

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It's a GIF of a jar of JIF with a dancing ferret.

[–]cOlz23 0 points1 point ago

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I like your title.

[–]Balizzm 0 points1 point ago

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My ferret's use to climb the cupboards for the peanut butter. Bugger's always chewed through the PB cover...

[–]iAmYourPoison 0 points1 point ago

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That ferret is fatter than my fatter of the two ferret, and if only you saw how my albino ferret flew through the air when hes pissed.

[–]Natalia_Bandita 0 points1 point ago

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i miss my ferrets =[

[–]GertBrobain 0 points1 point ago

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upvote anything ferret

[–]zasff 0 points1 point ago

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Cat found.

[–]TheHippieMuslim 0 points1 point ago

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Read this in Spoopties voice from Invader Zim. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiU4BS__bgo

[–]nopnuts4me 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure it's just deadly.

[–]PissedOnBible 0 points1 point ago

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My now dead ferret was the most entertaining pet I've ever owned. Is it true their poor eyesight is what causes them to freak out at moving objects so often?

[–]bbysnake 0 points1 point ago

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They're so silly. :3

[–]anyesuki 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, thank god it was a ferret. I am way too jumpy about opossums. Now I'm seeing them on reddit, too?

[–]Dr_Filatio 0 points1 point ago

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Fert on frontpage? Made my day! :)

[–]Kind_Of_A_Dick 0 points1 point ago

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I think the ferret was actually having a seizure.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Nope, just a Weasel War Dance. They all do it.

[–]impasto[S] 0 points1 point ago

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Just want to say kudos for educating everyone about ferrets in all these comments! They're such awesome, but misunderstood, little guys.

[–]MooSaysCow 0 points1 point ago

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This is the best animal gif I have ever seen. Period.

[–]gunnar120 0 points1 point ago

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[–]KINGKRONG 0 points1 point ago

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THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS

[–]zeppelinled99 0 points1 point ago

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can someone make a version of this were everytime he opens his mouth he says no? you nkow so he is like "NO! NOOOOOOO!"

[–]lookieausername 0 points1 point ago

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Ferret! That peanut butter just told the best fucking joke ever.

[–]SnacklePop 0 points1 point ago

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There seems like there would be a possibility that the thickness of the peanut butter, and the narrowness of his nose/mouth may have strongly hindered/choked out his breathing capability?

This could of possibly been a reaction to suffocating.

OR MAYBE HE JUST REALLY FUCKING LOVES PEANUT BUTTER.......IDOTO*

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Well, I sure hope they weren't feeding him the peanut butter, since ferrets are straight up carnivores and can get very very nasty diseases/cancers/conditions if fed veggies, nuts, fruit, etc.

[–]mmm27 -3 points-2 points ago

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He looks like he got shot to death.

[–]Nohomobutimgay -1 points0 points ago

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Ok, now someone add lasers being shot from the jar, striking the ferret.

[–]Naphthos -1 points0 points ago

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I'm imagining it barking but I don't actually know what ferrets would sound like.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Naphthos 0 points1 point ago

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I may never know the joy of ferrets. I live in California where they're illegal. Like cocaine.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sorry :/ They really are great. Here's to hoping they legalize them one day!