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top 200 commentsshow all 455

[–]TimeTravelMishap 1189 points1190 points ago

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I think I see your problem. You think you are asking her questions but you are, in fact, hitting her with a stick.

[–]adamdavidson 763 points764 points ago

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Haha, she's a bus.

[–]TRUBored 296 points297 points ago

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Bitch, I'm a bus.

[–][deleted] 184 points185 points ago

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/r/bitchimabus was what made me a redditor...

[–]Bidonet 186 points187 points ago

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[–]MmIoCuKsEeY 55 points56 points ago

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Reminds me of this.

[–]JAnon19 72 points73 points ago

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Which reminds of this

[–]english- 4 points5 points ago

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Well, this is gonna be stuck in my head for days.

[–]InvisibleSolid 6 points7 points ago

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Well if that isn't just awesome.

[–]AanonymousS 3 points4 points ago

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You need some kind of special upvote .

[–]Tries_2_hard 10 points11 points ago

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You, sir, have made my day

[–]belbis 43 points44 points ago

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TIL...

[–]homeboy5925 23 points24 points ago

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new favorite subreddit

[–]Must_be_wrong_here 18 points19 points ago

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TIL that there's a subreddit for really anything

[–]TheGrimace1234 1 point2 points ago

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Subreddits are like Rule 34. If it doesn't exist, you have to make it.

[–]aChileanDude 9 points10 points ago

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aaaaaand subscribed.

[–]sens 4 points5 points ago

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wow. I thought I had just caught a random comment one day that I thought was awesome. I've been saying that quote in my head for months, in all kinds of situations. All this time I figured it was just me and the guy who first heard it.

[–]oddvr 1 point2 points ago

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I laughed way too hard at their banner image.

[–]Bitch_Im_a_bus 50 points51 points ago

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Yes?

[–]Wage_War 7 points8 points ago

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Halfan upvote for username, half an upvote for cakeday.

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 1 point2 points ago

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You're my inspiration.

[–]Sheeple3 10 points11 points ago

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[–]monochromatic_oeuvre 1 point2 points ago

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Bitch I'm a bomb.

[–]MidSolo 29 points30 points ago

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This kills the pregnant woman.

[–]RoninJ 45 points46 points ago

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DOUBLE KILL.

[–]ZoopZeZoop 1 point2 points ago

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Busses LOVE sticks!

[–]Dustinm16 15 points16 points ago

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What is this gif from?

I'm interested.

[–]garandx 30 points31 points ago

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[–]joshuad80 45 points46 points ago

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I'm confused. The correct way to save a bus full of hostages is to blow it the fuck up?

[–]pennyroyal 20 points21 points ago

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[–]Funkit 6 points7 points ago

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I remember reading about this. They used some derivation of Fentanyl, a very powerful mu-opioid agonist, like 1000x morphine...If they used car or sufent it'd be closer to 10,000x morphine. Fucked up.

On a related note, if I was going to be gassed to death, that's probably the best chemical to go out on.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points ago

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Pretty much. Spetsnaz isn't exactly known for it's kindness and negotiation techniques. On the bright side, you don't see a lot of hostage situations on Russian soil because everyone knows they'll just come in shooting with no regard for collateral damage.

[–]unbuklethis 15 points16 points ago*

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The fuck? So if you happen to get taken a hostage, you die by the very hands of those comes to neutralize the situation?

[–]ModernDemagogue 35 points36 points ago

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Yes. It is basic game theory. You remove any positive incentive from taking hostages.

[–]Dude_from_Europe 3 points4 points ago

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Upvote for bringing science into their MO!

[–]thenuge26 48 points49 points ago

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And yet it works, because after the first time you do it, nobody takes hostages anymore.

[–]Forlarren 42 points43 points ago

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Better than that. The hostages take care of the job before you even get there.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]garandx 22 points23 points ago

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In soviet russia.....

BUS ASSAULTS YOU!

[–]robbinio 3 points4 points ago

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no, dude, the title says the bus has been taken hostage. Doesn't mention any people. The bus has been taken hostage. So the choose to blow that bitch up.

[–]kennerly 1 point2 points ago

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From the looks of the video they used a non-lethal stun grenade. The force of the concussion may have blown out the windows but there was probably very little shrapnel or fire from the grenade itself allowing them to capture the bad guy alive.

[–]Dustinm16 2 points3 points ago

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Wow, bad-ass.

Thank you.

[–]whamma_me 12 points13 points ago

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"What you've done ... you've gone on fire. You've gone on fire. We'll try again and this time try not to go on fire."

[–]TACOfarmerXD 3 points4 points ago

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Playing lacrosse and trying to score in one of her, apparently many, holes

[–]GeniusLost 96 points97 points ago

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When my wife was pregnant, I got into trouble one afternoon coming home from a movie because I was following too many red cars.

[–]SirDigbyChknCaesar 21 points22 points ago

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You're a monster!

[–]hull26 40 points41 points ago

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What a stupid bitch

[–]morpheousmarty 17 points18 points ago

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God help me I laughed.

[–]ChrisHernandez 94 points95 points ago

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OK, seriously what is happening in this Gif?

[–]dangerz 50 points51 points ago

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Ya.. what's the source to the gif? Is the guy alive?

[–]haxxeh 74 points75 points ago

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[–]madcaesar 107 points108 points ago

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neutralizing a bus that has been taken hostage

Umm by killing everyone and everything inside??

[–]KorbenD2263 122 points123 points ago

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FOR THE MOTHERLAAAAAAAND!!!!

[–]RedWave 82 points83 points ago

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[–]JoustingTimberflake 27 points28 points ago

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Obligatory:

In Soviet Russia, bomb disarms you!

[–]duxup 38 points39 points ago

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[–]MoneyWrench 28 points29 points ago

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The use of the gas was widely condemned as heavy handed, but Moscow insisted it had little room for manoeuvre — faced with the prospect of 50 heavily armed rebels prepared to kill themselves and their hostages

They are going to kill themselves and the hostages? Better beat them to it.

[–]putin_my_ass 32 points33 points ago

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THAT's how you defeat terrorism:

"You took hostages?" *blam* *blam* "Now where are your hostages?"

[–]duxup 12 points13 points ago

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Well it would have been embarrassing if the hostage takers killed someone ಠ_ಠ

[–]froughty 10 points11 points ago

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TIL you're more likely to be killed by Russian special forces than your hostage takers.

Spetsnaz Moto: We gets shit done

[–]eskachig 1 point2 points ago

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It was a pretty shitty situation really, the gas was a great idea. The assault went very well too. But the aftermath was totally fucked, in the typical Russian "cherez zhopu" style.

All they had to do was have enough ambulances/paramedics on hand and have a better explanation of the drugs involved for the doctors - and then the casualties may have been in the single digits.

[–]Gadwin 3 points4 points ago

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Thanks for the good read.

[–]easycumeasyhoe 5 points6 points ago

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Holy shit!!!! Oops.

[–]duxup 7 points8 points ago

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In very general terms historically in Russia the local populous is not quite seen as valuable as other folks see their population, even by their own population.

But hey they got the terrorists...too. Either way if in a hostage situation there you might want to act on your own if you have a chance.

[–]Dont_have_name 1 point2 points ago

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"hmm, whats this..."
15 minutes later
DAMMIT, ACCIDENTAL LEARNING!!!

[–]dangerz 10 points11 points ago

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Thanks for the link. Looks like the dude is fine and it's all a part of the training. That's impressive.

[–]Timett_son_of_Timett 32 points33 points ago

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But where the fuck does he go? He just vanishes - Russian SWAT Magic.

[–]clickwhistle 55 points56 points ago

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Maybe he went to Arby's.

[–]ignitr 18 points19 points ago

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It's good mood foooood!

[–]jutct 4 points5 points ago

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If you watch the video that someone linked, he got knocked down, but gets up and brushes himself off. Although he was walking a little wobbly afterward.

[–]bitterjack 1 point2 points ago*

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Wobbly my ass. That dude is a man. He gets the fuck back up brings out his gun and back pedals to establish a perimeter. That dude who was wobbly was the dude who was in the fucking bus with nearly no armor. I guess that proves the bomb wasnt that lethal?

[–]dangerz 2 points3 points ago

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If you look at the end, it looks like he is under some metal parts from the bus. He must have some strong armor.

[–]daemonbarber 1 point2 points ago

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He's on the right side of the screen, up right and backing away after the smoke starts to clear. He's the one wearing some kind of heavier vest/gear.

[–]elbuencharlie 1 point2 points ago

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Nope, just after the smoke settles you can see he barrel-rolled, scooched away and was back up in 2 feet and on a defensive stance, all within 5 seconds from the explosion.

So brave.

[–]TroutM4n 3 points4 points ago

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DUDE - There were two people on that thing when it blew. . . WITHOUT hearing protection. Right after the bus blows you see this stunned motherfucker stumble out the door holding his ears and looking terribly confused. . . right before the swat guy throws him to the ground multiple times.

[–]bitterjack 1 point2 points ago

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I think there was a third guy in the bus. I have watched the explosion and aftermath of the bus about 50 times in a row trying to figure out where that guy with the orange thing in his hand came from. I don't think he was around the bus before. I think he was blown out of the door and just curled up on the floor for a second. Before getting up and resuming the exercise.

[–]bichiliad 3 points4 points ago

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I love how after the bus is destroyed EVERYONE gets on.

[–]soggit 6 points7 points ago

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what the shit...so you neutralize a bus held by hostages by killing everybody on board?

[–]maximum3000 3 points4 points ago

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I remember seeing this. It's russian special police training.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZThYjiUJ8w

[–]clothes_are_optional 9 points10 points ago

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yeah, if you fuck up, you just die.

[–]T4u 161 points162 points ago

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My wife is not even pregnant and she explodes every time I run up to her from behind and slap her with a long stick

[–]ScottCarmichael 21 points22 points ago

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I don't think this analogy works...

[–]Danna_MP 7 points8 points ago

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Hah! I got it.

[–]ZeroMomentum 1 point2 points ago

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try with your dick next time

[–]danish_sprode 250 points251 points ago

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Your pregnant wife would not appreciate being likened to a school bus.

[–]dingulberi 408 points409 points ago

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Well, she is transporting chillun.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]IllThinkOfOneLater 74 points75 points ago

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[–]zeroanima 30 points31 points ago

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Is everyone else mimicking the face as she does it in the gif like me?

[–]B_S_O_D 39 points40 points ago

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[–]TheColorsDuke 4 points5 points ago

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This .gif is in rhythm.

[–]daddyfatsax 111 points112 points ago*

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Son of a bitch, that's an awesome gif.

[–]kickmekate 27 points28 points ago

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This seriously has to be the best gif I've ever seen. I will now use this every chance I get and love him and pet him and call him George.

[–]cyberslick188 38 points39 points ago

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First day on the internet huh?

[–]JoustingTimberflake 5 points6 points ago

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You're setting him up to use the gif. So nice.

[–]dan2737 2 points3 points ago

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And feed him alfalfa?

[–]mxt920 23 points24 points ago

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[–]irish711 20 points21 points ago

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Here, a little better version.

[–]B_Elanna_Torres 20 points21 points ago

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[–]irish711 39 points40 points ago

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!

[–]B_S_O_D 50 points51 points ago

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[–]thenuge26 12 points13 points ago

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How did you photoshop Notch's hat out of it: http://i.imgur.com/yccmO.gif

[–]planet_eater 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Nar1117 7 points8 points ago

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If you have RES, open all three sliding fat men at the same time in the comment tree, and watch the magic happen.

[–]FiredFox 1 point2 points ago

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This needs pigeons flying from his hands as he claps.

[–]dingulberi 35 points36 points ago

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Wait for labor. Its even more fun.

[–]Liar_tuck 64 points65 points ago

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"AAAAAARGH YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSLICKING CUNTSUCKING SON OF A BITCH!". Such precious memories.

[–]dingulberi 23 points24 points ago

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Tell me about it. She was still bubbly after hour 8. We still had about 16 to go before she started pushing. That lasted another 4. I still have mental scars.

I have to say watching the (normally) 110 lbs missus bending the birthbar beyond 90 degrees (its normally about 75 degrees pointing away from the pusher) with her skinny arms was quite impressive.

[–]ibflaubert 39 points40 points ago

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My favorite was her looking at me, weeping saying she couldn't go through with it and needed the epidural. The three women in the room all looked at me and I shrieked "I wanted the goddamn epidural 4 hours ago!"

[–]kabdib 1 point2 points ago

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"I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it without drugs."

"That's okay. Honest."

[–]jdk 9 points10 points ago*

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What is a birthbar?

EDIT: apparently it's for giving birth in the vertical position -- that is, not on your back. This short article explains the benefits of the practice:

http://inexplicableways.com/tag/birth-bar-squat-bar/ Warning: contains a picture that could be interpreted as NSFW

More:

http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/childbirth-squat-bar.html

Google image search using "childbirth squat bar" gets better results. Warning: may contain one or more pictures that could be interpreted as NSFW.

[–]g8z05 2 points3 points ago

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I don't think I want to know.

[–]wjjeeper 17 points18 points ago

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It's like a train wreck. You don't really want to watch, but you HAVE to. I watched with my 1st. I was impotent for weeks. Stayed out of the room with the 2nd.

[–]analogkid01 57 points58 points ago

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Stayed out of the room with the 2nd.

Father of the year.

[–]bricardo 11 points12 points ago

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I was impotent for weeks.

Holy fuck. Not until I read this did I realize how traumatic it must be.

[–]emmabum 10 points11 points ago

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midwife here - not all men are traumatised, they are amazed and even WANT to watch sometimes :)

[–]ScarfMachine 8 points9 points ago

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My wife is pregnant too... Oh, lawdy, what have I gotten myself into!?

[–]snellcantell 6 points7 points ago

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To quote Bill Duke of Predator Non-fame "Now, You know you done fucked up right?"

[–]B_S_O_D 7 points8 points ago

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[–]ScarfMachine 7 points8 points ago

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I would, but so far she's been too quick for me to shove down the stairs....

[–]stabbingbrainiac 10 points11 points ago

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My wife just gave birth in december and the one thing I wasn't expecting was the smell. Good god. It was like 9 months of bad pussy. Because, you know, it was.

[–]peterlcole 5 points6 points ago

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It isn't, it's freaking sweet. I'm looking forward to watching my second being born later this year.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Yea, you men must really have to suffer through the delivery.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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A man can obviously feel no empathetic pain or be somewhat traumatized after watching something both incredibly painful and lifechanging happen to their partner.

I know you're making a joke, but dismissing anyone's emotions is a dick move, especially when you do it to an entire sex in a sarcastic manner.

[–]tf2fan 18 points19 points ago

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Husband - "Maybe if I did more of the ass licking and c**tsucking, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

[–]ImSpicy 1 point2 points ago

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And don't forget to offer to cut the cord! It feels like cutting through a half-cooked carrot or a finger, depending on your past experiences.

[–]dingulberi 2 points3 points ago

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It didn't help that I made grst grst grst sound effects while cutting it.

[–]ImSpicy 1 point2 points ago

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Or the goddamn arterial-like blood spray that shot across the room! I'm not good with blood to begin with and I almost lost my shit right about then.

[–]g8z05 2 points3 points ago

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I am about to pass out at the thought. I can feel the blood draining from my head. There is no way in hell I'll survive the potential birth of my hypothetical child.

[–]bonafidebob 1 point2 points ago

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I am reminded how insanely relieved I was that my daughter was breach so we had to have a C-section. ("we", ha!)

Following the OP's metaphor, here's what the birth experience was like for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12AQytKumsE

(Caveat: not my video, just a search result.)

[–]KorbenD2263 184 points185 points ago

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[–]Tommix11 14 points15 points ago

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Also he should make sure he actually did this to her.

[–]stanhhh 53 points54 points ago

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Spetsnaz: 12 terrorists 24 hostages

37 dead
Mission Accomplished!

[–]db0255 15 points16 points ago

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At least his weapon increased in rank!!!

[–]thebattlefish 23 points24 points ago

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A sober person would throw it.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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ah HA! this guy!

[–]DooDooBrownz 12 points13 points ago

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her sister is just as bad http://theexplodingwhale.com

[–]TheSemiTallest 4 points5 points ago

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Holy shit. 41 years!?

[–]SophisticatedVagrant 2 points3 points ago

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Oh man, it's been awhile since I have seen that. I always wondered, why couldn't they just hook up a tugboat and drag it a couple miles out to sea? Seems like the cheapest and easiest solution, and I imagine dead whales must sink and become a part of the ecosystem, otherwise, why don't we see dead whales washing up all over the place?

[–]Flytch 9 points10 points ago

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BECAUSE AMERICA

[–]Malicious_Waffles 1 point2 points ago

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'Murrica, we blow things up. If you have a problem with that we'll blow you up too.

[–]tinkatiza 12 points13 points ago

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That is either the best or worst car alarm in the world

[–]lightswitch05 10 points11 points ago*

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That's the most hard-core Bang Bus to date

[–]Makes_Poor_Decisions 9 points10 points ago

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I was the guy in that gif.

[–]graduality 49 points50 points ago

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Oh man. I was getting some groceries last night, and saw a pregnant woman strolling down an aisle on a scooter with her husband in tow. She was looking at cereals and expressing her opinion about which cereals her child should eat. I caught eye contact with the man while his wife was fixated on a cereal box, and his saddened, helpless demeanor told me more about the man's role in expecting a child than I could read in a book.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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Or, far more likely, the guy was idly thinking about cereals that he likes, until suddenly he realized some guy was looking at him intently from down the grocery aisle, at which point he thought,

"Who is this weirdo?"

[–]graduality 3 points4 points ago

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If that was the case, the look on his face sure was lying about his true thoughts.

[–]Sir_Meowsalot 1 point2 points ago

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All the while the man's finger was tapping the metal shelves in morse code.

... --- ...

[–]anubus72 1 point2 points ago

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ah, only weirdos make eye contact in public

[–]blues_clues 1 point2 points ago

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"Do I know him? Shit where do I know him from?"

[–]adscott1982 22 points23 points ago

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Youtube comment:

"You were only meant to blow the bloody doors off!"

LOL

[–]lyxDeslic_ 6 points7 points ago*

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I hear your troubles with your pregnant wife and I am sorry. But goddamn! Where's that gif from? Is that guy dead?

EDIT: aha! I found it... not dead.

[–]AnalBurns 3 points4 points ago

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Those bros play waaaay too much CS.

[–]Fundus 6 points7 points ago

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Goddamn it, I'm in a lecture about pregnancy emergencies and I can't stop cracking up.

[–]Nukeman 7 points8 points ago

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My wife looks like a bus as well.

[–]planet808 6 points7 points ago

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your bitch is a bus.

[–]Baldrick666 10 points11 points ago

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LEEROY! v bus.

[–]BlueBusDriver 1 point2 points ago

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That's damn near perfect. Fucking hilarious. I especially liked the part where they're saying, "Stick to tha plan! Stick to the plan!" while looking at the guy at the far left crouching n stuff.

[–]linkthelink 8 points9 points ago

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This kills the husband.

[–]FappedInChurch 5 points6 points ago

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Did he died?

[–]CitizenErin 1 point2 points ago

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Tucker is died! Tucker is died!

[–]dementiaxiii 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ziggajigga 40 points41 points ago

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This pissed me right off.

I'm pregnant.

These two things are in no way related, oh no.

[–]mcsweetits 25 points26 points ago

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aaand Boom goes the dynamite.

[–]sinocarD44 1 point2 points ago

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That's how she got pregnant.

[–]hawkeye477 16 points17 points ago

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I think you may have just proved his point ... lol

[–]xIrish 3 points4 points ago

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Now I'm curious how the broom guy made the bus blow up. Anybody know the context?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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i think its just a very strong flashbang attached to a stick.

[–]tangerine13 4 points5 points ago

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I guess you could say, the situation was blown out of proportion.

[–]Togarda 8 points9 points ago

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I came in here, fully expecting to see this comment at the top:

"Hey honey, lemme axe you a question"

I'm not sure if I just managed to think about it before around 60 other people or if it's just lame.

[–]AphoticSketch 5 points6 points ago

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Whatever that man is doing, he's not very good at it.

[–]noughtagroos 4 points5 points ago

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Asking my ex-wife a question...

ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I want to know what happened to the guy standing on the far side of the bus towards the rear. You can see his feet standing right beside the explosion. It would appear to me that the guy with the stick got off easy.

[–]reptileDysfunction 2 points3 points ago

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I think you're asking questions wrong.

[–]dkoch0608 2 points3 points ago

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Alright Vladimir, it's your turn to be the bomb on a stick guy.

[–]Sofakingjewish 2 points3 points ago

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True so true. Thank god for vasectomies. Matter of fact waiting int he doctors office for one now.

[–]andiW 2 points3 points ago

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What was the question?

[–]RandomStranger79 2 points3 points ago

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She blows up on you when you run up and hit her with a metal rod?

[–]kiwimonster21 2 points3 points ago

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WTF, hey buddy we dont allow man to bus marriage, this might be america were you can marry someone who is as heavy as a bus but we dont allow you to marry a real bus!

[–]Gordopolis 2 points3 points ago

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Anyone know the context of this gif? Was he trying to vent a propane leak inside the bus by breaking the window and boom... Or?

[–]cDgAnswer 2 points3 points ago

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Talking to my pregnant wife was a pretty nutty experience as well. She went through crazy spurts like women in menopause go through hot flashes.

talk talk talk SNAP! And there I sit thinking "Wow, is it crazy in here or is it just me?"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Dang internet. Did I just watch someone die again?

[–]be_mindful 9 points10 points ago

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no, it was special police training. in the video you can see the guy with the stick roll away and then you can see them taking out the "perps" inside a few seconds later. the blast has a lot of show but probably not enough concussive force to kill.

hollywood has taught that fire+smoke=deadly explosion. really powerful explosives don't behave that way.

[–]ahawks 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah... it's not like the back and top of the bus got blown off...

Oh wait, they did

[–]be_mindful 7 points8 points ago

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that bus is a piece of shit. if i threw a flashbang in a 1979 station wagon it would have a similar effect. the panels blow off quite nicely but the frame is in good shape. the only realy damage is the back bumper curves out a bit, but bumpers are made to collapse.

there were also two people inside that look perfectly fine, and the bomber himself is perfectly fine. they take them out of the bus in the video.

[–]Sracern 1 point2 points ago

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This man has a point.

[–]be_mindful 4 points5 points ago

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my counter is the bus is a piece of shit. the panels blow off but the frame is in fine shape. plus they take two people out of the bus.

[–]Sracern 2 points3 points ago

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Looking at it again i can see that it is indeed a bus of inferior quality, the rubbers around the windows ame flying off instead of mostly the glass shatering,i think i may need to reconsider my position.

[–]cry-n-tell 1 point2 points ago

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Make sure your wife doesn't see this post then your depiction will really have a chance

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Did that guy live?

[–]flibitboat 1 point2 points ago

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Its odd how you can hear the explosion but there isn't any sound

[–]errday 1 point2 points ago

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Did I just watch someone fucking die?

[–]rnjreddit 1 point2 points ago

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I am upvoting this post purely based on the number of amazing comments I have found here ... (**chokes up) It just makes me so gosh darn proud!

[–]hawkeye477 1 point2 points ago

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This is only the beginning, see what happens when u even try saying hello when the baby has not slept for 2 nights ...

[–]TMox 1 point2 points ago

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That guy just blowed himself clean up. Extreme!

[–]fatfook 1 point2 points ago

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Bangalores!

[–]richard_photograph 1 point2 points ago

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this is exactly what its like.

[–]anonoman925 1 point2 points ago

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What does your wife think of you likening her to a bus?

[–]jujukicks 1 point2 points ago

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mood swings =/

MOOD SWINGS!>=(

mood swings =)

mooooddd swwwinggs =00

mood swi- EXPLOSION

[–]oh_the_humanity 1 point2 points ago

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Did that guy get died?