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top 200 commentsshow all 324

[–]alliterationactivist 542 points543 points ago

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I'm so confused as to the amount of upvotes this has gotten.

[–]Naviance_Tartico 496 points497 points ago

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They are messing with your subconscious. This might be why it has so many

[–]iceaje 85 points86 points ago

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YOU SIRE, ARE A GENIUS!!!!

[–]farfle10 36 points37 points ago

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game changer

[–]Wolfszeit 15 points16 points ago

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I was actually looking for some kind of hidden meaning in the text... This must be it!

[–]danceswithwool 31 points32 points ago

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that is BRILLIANT ...my whole life has been lie.

[–]phurantsu 24 points25 points ago

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MIND=BLOWN

[–]lgspeck 23 points24 points ago

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[–]SymphonicPsychosis 2 points3 points ago

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That is the single most annoying yet hilarious gif. I can never get over his expressions. I try to imagine the sounds he's making.

[–]ZombieMozart 7 points8 points ago

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ENHANCE IMAGE

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Holy sweet zombie jesus....

[–]SymphonicPsychosis 4 points5 points ago

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This is genius, however, I upvoted because I can only wish I had the happiness that Mr. Businessturtle here has when going to work.

[–]chekkers 1 point2 points ago

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Congrats sir, today you have won the Internet

[–]Metaphex 117 points118 points ago

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I came here to try to figure that out. Now I'm even more confused.

[–]undercoveruser 100 points101 points ago

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Reddit likes turtles.

[–]evolve18 37 points38 points ago

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It's turtles all the way down!

[–]alextonne 4 points5 points ago

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If you're a turtle, I'm a turtle

[–]invigilatora 1 point2 points ago

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WITH FOUR ELEPHANTS ON TOP!

[–]effinnewguy 0 points1 point ago

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Quite conversely, its turtles all the way up. ;)

[–]keytothecity 29 points30 points ago

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I'm like a turtle when I sip the purple.

[–]coolturtle 1 point2 points ago

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[–]TACOfarmerXD 0 points1 point ago

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Zombie boy likes turtles

[–]cntmason 3 points4 points ago

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and small animals with perseverance

[–]pokeylope 1 point2 points ago

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Who doesn't, really?

[–]explodingzebras 14 points15 points ago

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We all want the turtle to have a good day :)

[–]Valark 38 points39 points ago

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Don't be distressed. The joke is presented a bit odd, but it's layered irony in the purest sense, i.e. a reversal of expectations. One does not expect to see a turtle with a suitcase. This in itself would simply be odd. The author's reaction, however, is not to state the oddity as would be expected. Rather, the author derives an implication (he must be going to work) as a reversal on the initial statement (of course he has a suitcase, he's going to work). This contrasted with the unlikely subject (turtle) brings the irony full circle.

As a final statement, the author wishes the turtle to enjoy its day. This is done to solidify the normality of a situation that the reader identifies as abnormal and to draw the scene to a close.

It's funny, if only technically.

[–]sionar 6 points7 points ago

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That's the best kind of funny.

[–]TeamBowen 1 point2 points ago

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This is the kind of response I was looking for. Please spread your gift throughout other comment sections

[–]meinsla 13 points14 points ago

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Reddit is actually full of 5 year olds.

[–]alliterationactivist 2 points3 points ago

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So r/explainitlikeimfive is actually serving a much bigger purpose than expected.

[–]FactorySquirrel 1 point2 points ago

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It was actually a ploy by the Department of Education to get kids interested in learning. It worked.

[–]PsychoticApe 4 points5 points ago

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I think i feel compelled to upvote anything with a smiley face personally.

[–]Dremen 4 points5 points ago

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I'm not sure if it's a great anti-joke or if I'm just a contrarian, but after going through the same thought process as you two... I upvoted. I found the situation funny, if not the comic. EDIT: In short, I upvoted to perpetuate the confusion, which I think is the joke--I think?

[–]akashik 37 points38 points ago

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It's simple and very funny in it's oddness - so it gets an upvote.

[–]Xanthon 3 points4 points ago

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It's a knights of new conspiracy.

[–]OccasionalPopCulture 6 points7 points ago

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This is a Syd Barrett submission.

[–]egodeath92 9 points10 points ago

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[–]Farisr9k 7 points8 points ago

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There's a reason people never say:

"Man, I love how reddit hasn't changed a bit in the last 5 years."

[–]realfinkployd 4 points5 points ago

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I remember this picture on the front page 3 years or so ago.

[–]Borgh 2 points3 points ago

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bitching about ancient reposts. That is one thing that will never change.

[–]1of7billion 1 point2 points ago

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Fibonacci Sequence?

[–]saadghauri 1 point2 points ago

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It's that smile... how could anyone not upvote that smile?!

[–]thesageknight 2 points3 points ago

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This happens somewhat often. I think theres a sort of formula. If a post (especially a simple image not requiring much reading and/or explanatory comment searching) is only mildly entertaining, then it is usually also not controversial. Though the post is only somewhat enjoyable, that combined with it being agreeable leads to an endless steady flow of upvotes.

[–]johnnypixel 1 point2 points ago

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Not understanding humour on this site is almost upsetting. I think it makes me old.

[–]Abraham_Shovelhands 206 points207 points ago

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My wife told me not to shake hands with a hooker. She's the type to fill a man's sandwich with glass if he left for work without kissing her goodbye. So I kissed her and left.

Do you know the guy, you know, the guy that runs up to you, out of nowhere, and begs for a cigarette? Yeah, I had one come up to me today. I don't mind, though; I'm on my way to work, I can afford gifting a cigarette to a stranger. Then he wanted to chat. Alright, I said, why don't we chat as we walk, I don't mind.
I did mind, though. I minded that he bit the butt of his cigarette. I minded that he waved his arms in my face when he talked. But most of all, I minded that he knew me from somewhere.
I don't carry much in my briefcase. Just some papers and a sandwich and a knife. I like my knife a lot. And I liked the idea I had while passing under a railway bridge. Say, you want another one, I asked while reaching into my briefcase. The guy nodded and his greedy fingers grabbed a cigarette from my pack. I offered him light and as he used his hands to keep the wind from the flame, I pushed my knife sideways through his throat.
Then I moved on.

I like my knife. And I love my wife.
And I never did touch any hookers.

I'm a turtle.

TL;DR: Holy shit, I don't know.

[–]PeeSherman 66 points67 points ago

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What the fuck am I reading

[–]Snatchateer 9 points10 points ago

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You should write a novel.

[–]mjnIII 2 points3 points ago

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That was a novel.

[–]Xaevier 14 points15 points ago

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It's always the slow ones

[–]AwesomeJobe 6 points7 points ago

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What is this I don't even.

[–]mcpaddy 12 points13 points ago

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Holy shit, I wish I knew.

[–]DrLiam 13 points14 points ago

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By far the best story I've read on reddit

[–]Trondolay 3 points4 points ago

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“May I help the next customer?” asked the woman at the counter. Susan stepped forward slowly, trembling, her face a pale putrid green. The woman stared at her with concern and looked back at her co-worker who wasn’t paying attention. Susan hesitated for a second and then quickly pulled out a large military combat knife, her hands and arms quivering like a wet dog. The representative’s first response was to put her hand under the counter and push the silent alarm. “Excuse me, ma-” she began to say until Susan put the knife to her own throat. “This is a message from the Mermaid Queen!” she said in a deep voice, “Cease your overdraw fees or suffer the consequences!” She then slowly pulled the knife across herself and made a deep jagged incision. Some people screamed as all heads in the bank turned toward Susan, watching her bleed profusely as hundreds of eels came pouring out of her wound and flopped around on the dark green carpet. The bank’s overdraft fee policy remained unchanged.

[–]nostalgic_blast 3 points4 points ago

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Sometimes, you just gotta say what the fudge

[–]Tepoztecatl 2 points3 points ago

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Please don't die soon.

[–]A_Rolling_Baneling 1 point2 points ago

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I say that to my picture for George RR Martin nightly.

[–]dan2737 2 points3 points ago

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I was expecting you, turtle bro-fister.

[–]Nuggetry 4 points5 points ago

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Shit like this is why I come to reddit multiple times a day. Thank you fine sir.

[–]Kkokinos 1 point2 points ago

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I once met a man named Dick Salad....

[–]mynameisBobSpongeBob 107 points108 points ago

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[–]BioCal 31 points32 points ago

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...but, this only adds to my confusion...

[–]Cendeu 9 points10 points ago

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I know... I don't get it.

[–]Xaevier 18 points19 points ago

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The turtle is Jewish, hopefully that helps.

[–]ProPLu 9 points10 points ago

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The turtle is delivering supplies to Hunter S. Thompson. I mean, how is not intuitive that a turtle with a briefcase would be a drug smuggler?

[–]cookiemonstah87 2 points3 points ago

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We can't stop here! It's BAT country!!!

[–]votercolonel 1 point2 points ago

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Back door beauty?

[–]sLOVEenia 0 points1 point ago

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But why did the turtle cross the road?

[–]i_m_fury 188 points189 points ago

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That would make it a briefcase. Unless he's going on a business trip I suppose. But then why doesn't he have flight tickets or driving gloves? This comic was poorly thought out imo.

[–]Wolfszeit 338 points339 points ago

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What about this one? I think it has a much more in-depth character, which adds greatly to the credibility of the picture.

http://i.imgur.com/naDMn.jpg

[–]betamos 91 points92 points ago

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Am I just a little drunk or was this funny for real?

[–]TryingToSucceed 49 points50 points ago

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Both?

[–]hinduguru 7 points8 points ago

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a buzzed [7]

[–]JuhJuhJOHNNY 6 points7 points ago

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A ]1d0]rnk

[–]IncredibleBeanCounte 3 points4 points ago

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a 1d0? I don't think they make those.....

[–]nachof 7 points8 points ago

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I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with your point. There is no more inherent depth in a turtle that kills people than in a turtle that work in an office. If anything, I'd say the opposite is probably true. I think that the second work's author is just trying to pander to the rebellious nature of today's youth by making the main character darkier and edgier, but without really adding any substance to the original story.

[–]RedPanther1 2 points3 points ago

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I believe the pc way to say "darkier" these days is "blacker".

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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That turtle appears to be...

Breaking Bad.

[–]i_m_fury 18 points19 points ago

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Seeing that the average glock case measures approximately 11X9X3 inches1 and the Red-Footed Tortoise of South America has an average length of between 10 and 14 inches2, the ratio between the tortoises volume and the nondescript luggage on its back reveal this to be a much more probable scenario.

1. http://www.georgiagunstore.com/gun_store_products/Hard_Gun_Cases-Glock-GLOCK_GUN_CASE_NEW_VERSION_LOCKABLE.html

2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-footed_tortoise#Description

[–]aperturo 16 points17 points ago

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I'm a little lost here...are we talking about an African Swallow or a European Swallow?

[–]PeeSherman 12 points13 points ago

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It's not a matter of how he carries it, it's a simple matter of weight ratios!

[–]KleurenPrinter 7 points8 points ago

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A true king is supposed to know such things.

[–]overused_ellipsis[S] 16 points17 points ago

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you officially hijacked this post haha!! Nice one!

[–]ReesesForBreakfast 2 points3 points ago

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People seem to have a mixed reaction to this message...

[–]tortuga_de_la_muerte 3 points4 points ago

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Thank you, hermano. That's more like it.

[–]GI-Jose 0 points1 point ago

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Much improved.

[–]elaborate_muse 4 points5 points ago

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Driving without driving gloves is just crazy.

[–]bloody_pinecone 4 points5 points ago

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The tickets and gloves are in the suit/briefcase, duuuh.

[–]Lt_Shniz 4 points5 points ago

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I remember 420chan had a field day with this http://boards.420chan.org/nc/src/1306011612868.jpg

Two others

[–]WildKittyv1 2 points3 points ago

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Clearly the flight tickets and driving gloves are inside the turtle's shell, along with its smoking pipe and seeing lens. Turtles' shells are like a chipmunk's cheeks or a female human's cleavage while being supported by a bra -- natural pockets. They tuck their head and limbs in there for crying out loud; it's pretty obvious they're rummaging around looking for their cigarettes or a snack or something. You oughta' consider some other possibilities before you dismiss a comic as being poorly thought out. This stuff is intended to be implied and you simply didn't pick up on it.

[–]Cendeu 1 point2 points ago

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What, may I ask, are driving gloves?

[–]adamcw 4 points5 points ago

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Gloves that you wear while driving to give you increased control over the vehicle. They help with grip. They also offer some protection. The ones that NASCAR drivers wear, for example, have some some fireproofing.

If the turtle has any, he must have a very fast car.

[–]bldkis 4 points5 points ago

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Or if you live in a comder climate and have to park outside. FREEZING COLD STEERING WHEEL

[–]adamcw 1 point2 points ago

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Or warmer for that matter. Hot steering wheels sting.

[–]Cendeu 1 point2 points ago

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Oh, ok. Thanks.

[–]overused_ellipsis[S] 7 points8 points ago

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I think you're putting too much thought into it... the writer probably went with his/her first thought.

[–]SaxoG 37 points38 points ago

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Ever.

[–]orange_jooze 3 points4 points ago

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I don't get it.

[–]bloody_pinecone 4 points5 points ago

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Meaning the author went with the very first thought that ever came across his mind.

[–]thanx4allthefish 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you for the irl lol, kind sir/madam. Please, have my babies.

[–]Wolfszeit 2 points3 points ago

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You're giving away your babies?!

[–]thanx4allthefish 1 point2 points ago

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No, I mean please, get them off me!! Quickly!!!

[–]AngeloPappas 2 points3 points ago

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Those items are stored safely in his suitcase of course.

[–]iamnotmyusername 5 points6 points ago

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Happy cake day!

[–]cookiemonstah87 0 points1 point ago

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I came here to say exactly what you just did. Bravo!

[–]spork_o_rama 0 points1 point ago

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This is all I could think about. I actually searched the page to see who else had the same objection just so I could upvote.

[–]ImCaptainObvious 112 points113 points ago

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Turtles don't have jobs, this is just a drawing.

[–]a_lot_of_fish 73 points74 points ago

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Not in this economy they don't.

[–]PulpDood 9 points10 points ago

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Yeah that and a lot of fish are taking our jobs.

[–]A_Rolling_Baneling 2 points3 points ago

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TERK ER JERBS

[–]lotlizard 8 points9 points ago

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LIZARDS HAVE JOBS

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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[–]joofoot 35 points36 points ago

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I bet his profession demands a lot from him.

[–]Travexx 21 points22 points ago

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This one has a band-aid.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck pride.

[–]ur_moms_manwhore 4 points5 points ago

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Motherfuckers who thought their ass would age like wine.

[–]i0dine 7 points8 points ago

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Fuck, I'm on my laptop and don't have my business turtle folder.

However, these were mostly written by a namefag on 4chan, who I can't remember now. He posted a couple of them every Monday for like a month or so. This was the original, but there are many excellent heart-warming business turtle images.

[–]imbutawaveto 1 point2 points ago

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Please. In the name of all that is holy. Post those images.

[–]Ima_lil_teapot 27 points28 points ago

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Have a good day, Turtle :]

[–]Jbergur 20 points21 points ago

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Have a good day, mr. Turtle.

[–]swineiscool 5 points6 points ago

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Woah man, Mr. Turtle is my father.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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This guy knows what is important in life.

[–]grahvity 7 points8 points ago

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[–]philcannotdance 23 points24 points ago

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He obviously had morning sex.

[–]danr3l 4 points5 points ago

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[–]philcannotdance 1 point2 points ago

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:heybaby:

[–]IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes 11 points12 points ago

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I hope he doesent have to use his AK.

[–]seeandwait 6 points7 points ago

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Me too, i hope today is a good day.

[–]FloppyCamelSphincter 5 points6 points ago

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And nobody he knows gets killed in South Central L.A.

[–]Scuba_Sexteban 30 points31 points ago

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That made me smile for some weird reason

[–]4TEHSWARM 29 points30 points ago

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It's the smile. It makes him look so brave. Like he's venturing out into an unsuspecting world. So brave.

[–]JuhJuhJOHNNY 9 points10 points ago

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HESSSSSOBRAVE

[–]letsRACEturtles 5 points6 points ago

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he truly is the RON PAUL! of turtles

[–]hamsterwheel 5 points6 points ago

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Why did I just upvote this? And why am I so full of good feelings towards that turtle?

[–]julianface 5 points6 points ago

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such a cute turtle I hope it has a nice day too

[–]alisdairr 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Feisl 27 points28 points ago

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Why does this make me disproportionately happy?

[–]PeeSherman 1 point2 points ago

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Disproportionately to what?

[–]Feisl 12 points13 points ago

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Normal.

[–]DeluxePineapple 5 points6 points ago

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Other turtle jokes, obviously! Such as: Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the Shell station!!! :D

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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iOiÜ

my attempt at a turtle emoticon.

[–]Never_gets_any_joke 44 points45 points ago

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I don't get it.

[–]CitizenFord 26 points27 points ago

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Not surprising...

[–]humbile 11 points12 points ago

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Turtles don't go to work.

[–]Swag_Turtle 3 points4 points ago

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As a turtle, I can vouch for this.

[–]Johnofthewest 4 points5 points ago

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No one wants to see a sad turtle.

[–]heartpuppiez 10 points11 points ago

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I feel like I'm missing something

[–]Valark 14 points15 points ago

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Don't be distressed. The joke is presented a bit odd, but it's layered irony in the purest sense, i.e. a reversal of expectations. One does not expect to see a turtle with a suitcase. This in itself would simply be odd. The author's reaction, however, is not to state the oddity as would be expected. Rather, the author derives an implication (he must be going to work) as a reversal on the initial statement (of course he has a suitcase, he's going to work). This contrasted with the unlikely subject (turtle) brings the irony full circle.

As a final statement, the author wishes the turtle to enjoy its day. This is done to solidify the normality of a situation that the reader identifies as abnormal and to draw the scene to a close.

It's funny, if only technically.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I'm just starting to notice how many times you've copied this. I'll upvote you for your troubles.

[–]Valark 2 points3 points ago

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If the comments on this page are any indication, suprisingly few people understand the humor to this wayward turtle. Just doing what I can to help.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Technically Funny, is the Best Kind of Funny in my opinion!

[–]Wolfszeit 3 points4 points ago

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I... I think this is like the new hypnotoad.

[–]ReDyP 9 points10 points ago

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What a nice turtle :)

[–]carthur 2 points3 points ago

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Me too

[–]deadcom 2 points3 points ago

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Haha, nobody can make puns for turtles. It was actually kind of refreshing to not see a pun thread in these comments.

[–]imbutawaveto 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, you really tortoise a lesson!

[–]Adam-O 2 points3 points ago

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See the TURTLE of enormous girth,

On his shell he holds the earth.

[–]whitebait01 2 points3 points ago

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Who takes a suitcase to work? Briefcase maybe, but suitcase means you're going on holiday.

[–]fotc77 2 points3 points ago

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this belongs in /r/aww

edit: TIL if you type /r/ and then a subreddit it becomes a link to that subreddit

[–]ChirpingGlowbird 6 points7 points ago

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haha awww, impossible not to smile at this :D

[–]LordDerpingtons 1 point2 points ago

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Even though I saw this pic a month ago...fuck yeah! I hopes he has an good day aswell :D

[–]saosinwin 1 point2 points ago

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Work was alright, but traffic was terrible.

[–]Siegs 1 point2 points ago

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I really hope he has a good day. I don't know why I care about that turtle, maybe his cock-eyed smile, perhaps his apparent sense of purpose, or maybe even his extra preparedness for the day ahead. Regardless of why, I just hope it all turns out just right for him.

[–]pomel 1 point2 points ago

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Meaning of life right there.

[–]stilettopanda 1 point2 points ago

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I hope this turtle has a turtley good day. Wah ha ha

[–]heate 1 point2 points ago

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Paul the work turtle

[–]KleurenPrinter 1 point2 points ago

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I don't know why but this made my day.

[–]BebMaster 1 point2 points ago

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Silly english you, Turtle is female, not male ! Une tortue !

[–]zoozoo458 1 point2 points ago

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I get it, the suitcase is a bomb.

[–]JuhJuhJOHNNY 1 point2 points ago

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Big gulps, huh?

[–]halogrand 1 point2 points ago

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Wheres that Turtle racer guy??

[–]Partyliquor 1 point2 points ago

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I immediately heard Tracy Morgan reading this.

[–]I_Know_Stuff 1 point2 points ago

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I'm pretty sure this is from http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/ but I can't find the specific comic.

[–]NQSSuperSam 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MadWombat 1 point2 points ago

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That turtle was evicted from his house after losing his job. In the suitcase he has the only possessions he has left after a messy divorce with his wife. He is walking to a rail yard. He plans to ride freight trains to Minnesota where his parents live, so he can stay in their basement until he finds another job. He won't. In six months he will become clinically depressed and hang himself.

[–]nicholaaaas 1 point2 points ago

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who takes a suitcase to work? he's probably going on vacation. and since he's going on vacation he probably will have a good day

[–]Interneds 1 point2 points ago

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What' in the briefcase?

[–]ytsejam214 1 point2 points ago

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I don't always upvote things just for being cute

but when I do, it's this picture

[–]Lt_Shniz 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Squishy90 1 point2 points ago

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This made my life. It's just too freaking cute. tears of happy cuteness

[–]Cheekiestfellow 1 point2 points ago

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I love this.

[–]sweYoda 1 point2 points ago

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I like turtles.

[–]Lord_Bumberchute 2 points3 points ago

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Got that turtle a briefcase.

Turtles love briefcases.

[–]JeremyR22 1 point2 points ago

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I subconsciously read this in the voice of Bruce from Family Guy...

[–]ReesesForBreakfast 1 point2 points ago

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I consciously read it in Bruces voice.

[–]wittyrandomusername 1 point2 points ago

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how do you know?

[–]dont_upvote 1 point2 points ago

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Poor him. He got JPEG artifact disease :(

[–]TheButterhorse 1 point2 points ago

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Don't be fooled, there's a human head/bomb in it.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]majeric 1 point2 points ago

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Ya, came here to say this. I was confused. If he had a suitcase, wouldn't he be going on vacation?

[–]mattjallen27 0 points1 point ago

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That turtle is getting sucked off

[–]Damianvv 0 points1 point ago

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I found a tortoise when I was 8 on a 50km stretch of road in South Africa during a family car trip, they let me take it in the car and then changed their minds and said I couldn't keep it.

He probably died later that day, maybe the monkeys got him.

[–]ComplacentBard 0 points1 point ago

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In Canada, milk comes in bags!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I hope he gets some frequent flyer miles. oh wait he's not flying oh well

BAD LUCK, TURtLE. Mebbe next time eh?

[–]CantHugEveryCat 0 points1 point ago

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Who brings a suitcase to work? The turtle is probably going to travel somewhere. Perhaps it is going on vacation.

[–]jonosvision 0 points1 point ago

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I thought this was a word play thing because I originally read it as "the turtle has a staircase" and looked desperately in the comments to see if that was indeed why it was funny/mind blowing.

Turns out I'm a moron and am way to high, and it's suitcase.

[–]shillbert[!] 0 points1 point ago

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Is anyone extremely disappointed that the lines don't follow the Fibonacci series? 1-1-3-6-9?? The heck.

[–]Ninjatree 0 points1 point ago

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He should consider working from home.

[–]meta_asfuck 0 points1 point ago

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BOO, damn kiddie redditors ruining the front page.

[–]borgqueen2373 0 points1 point ago

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Credit to [Twodee](twodee.tumblr.com). He's an awesome artist, be sure to check him out.

[–]LYNxc 0 points1 point ago

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It's time for Steve.