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top 200 commentsshow all 234

[–][deleted] 383 points384 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hi Kids. Today, SHIT GETS REAL

[–]WMDistraction 256 points257 points ago

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F is for FELONY.

[–]Boltzor 114 points115 points ago

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[–]takatori 39 points40 points ago

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H is for HEROIN

[–]YOMISTERWHITE 43 points44 points ago

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B is for BITCH

... BITCH!

[–]Gastromedra 6 points7 points ago

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Just read your username and up voted!

[–]Blizik 4 points5 points ago

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You've just won the post.

[–]Owen3781 79 points80 points ago

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S is for SODOMY

[–]nimitzhunter 2 points3 points ago

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A is for Anal. P is for Plug.

[–]Xmonster_energyX 6 points7 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]dontcondescendme_man 0 points1 point ago

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yeah YEAH yeah YEAH yeah YEAH

[–]Tozar 56 points57 points ago*

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[–]sir_joe_cool 6 points7 points ago

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Gracias.

[–]seagramsextradrygin 7 points8 points ago

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one of the stranger things i've masturbated to today.

[–]cynognathus 4 points5 points ago

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More than anything I find this hilarious.

[–]thefriendlyent 4 points5 points ago

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Wut

[–]JaxJaguar 3 points4 points ago

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Definitely thought this was the Katie Perry thing that was on ABC last year... boy was I wrong lmao

[–]IamNoqturnal 0 points1 point ago

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Go on...

[–]YOUR-UNCLE 4 points5 points ago

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I am commenting to reserve this for later.

[–]Neebat 1 point2 points ago

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I can't believe I'm upvoting you for that, but actually, you've made a very good decision.

[–]IsThisWhereANameGoes 1 point2 points ago

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I did the same as your uncle. Or is he my uncle?

[–]YOUR-UNCLE 1 point2 points ago

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EVERYONES

[–]Eganrac1239 1 point2 points ago

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^

[–]Aviscer 1 point2 points ago

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yay

[–]dhwebb 1 point2 points ago

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That's enough porn for me today.

[–]Tittiez 1 point2 points ago

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What the fuck reddit

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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never underestimate reddit's hunger for porn.

[–]Metaphei 0 points1 point ago

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Saved

[–]ABMatrix 0 points1 point ago

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I.. er.. oh god my childhood.

[–]Alsttr 0 points1 point ago

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Saving this for later.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]buffbuddha 0 points1 point ago

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Noted

[–]Joeygforce 0 points1 point ago

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I'm going to peer review the shit out of that.

[–]xamor 24 points25 points ago

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Ah, that must be the "Tickle my prostate, Elmo" episode.

[–]znk 3 points4 points ago

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Today's number is 69 ah ah ah ah.

[–]mister_jay 192 points193 points ago

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Katy Perry must be doing another episode

[–]Biggillen 69 points70 points ago

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And russel brand wrote and directed it

[–]lastactioncowboy 24 points25 points ago*

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co-wrote by Quentin Tarantino and produced by Micheal Bay

edit: spelling

[–]Captain_Generous 13 points14 points ago

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thats the katy perry porno they made. Katy perry fucks some big elmo looking dude.

[–]BlackZeppelin 18 points19 points ago

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I'd watch that.

[–]stratjeff 5 points6 points ago

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Wait, that wasn't in the music video for "ET"? Because everything fucking else under the sun was.

[–]Captain_Generous 2 points3 points ago

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I cant remember the name..It was on youjizz i think. Katy Purry or something like that. Was pretty awesome

[–]RebelliousPervert 1 point2 points ago

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Katy pervy. Surprisingly hot.

[–]Lutherie 0 points1 point ago

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The guy that plays Elmo's voice? I could see that being pretty successful considering...

[–]random_digital 4 points5 points ago

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Based on the life of Roman Polanski.

[–]Yoyo8 2 points3 points ago

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Famous people...

[–]lurklurklurkPOST 0 points1 point ago

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For Posterity, It's Tarantino... dunno if he's a redditor, but everyone has ಠ_ಠ face when their name gets misspelled

[–]vintage_nick 0 points1 point ago

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Sweet typo man

[–]randomb0y 0 points1 point ago

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You still need to work on the spelling.

[–]dietotaku 12 points13 points ago

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special guest appearance by samuel l. jackson

[–]ihatecupcakes 8 points9 points ago

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Words Melon Farmer, can you read them!?

[–]jons420 2 points3 points ago

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He's in everything!

[–]Zoccihedron 18 points19 points ago

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nudity

I hope she is.

[–]iTiamo 4 points5 points ago

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Rape

Me too.

[–]RebelliousPervert 0 points1 point ago

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You're talking about the porno aren't you.

[–]joylent_green 117 points118 points ago*

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i once had a sex dream about a muppet. i'm a woman, but in the dream i had a dick and i was just pounding away at a muppet, and watching her blue head shake up and down, that mouth going 'wa wa wa' (you know, like a muppet). i could feel my dick, in the muppet, and it felt amazing. one of the best sex dreams i've ever had. so weird. i am not a muppet fetishist in real life.

(sorry about the bracket)

[–]MyAssDoesHeeHawww 127 points128 points ago

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You're into some real gonzo stuff in your dreams

[–]joylent_green 29 points30 points ago

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Oooh well done!

[–]MyAssDoesHeeHawww 11 points12 points ago

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Thanks!;) Nice story!

I guess it's not easy having dreams like that and being green.

[–]S3XonWh33lz 7 points8 points ago

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It's not easy being green but, if you're green, you're probably easy.

[–]InternetScientist 7 points8 points ago

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Hello, I am conducting a survey, for science; I was wondering, have you ever revealed in a Reddit post that you were a girl (as above) and NOT got a reply containing a winky smiley face?

[–]joylent_green 2 points3 points ago

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Pretty sure I have! :)

[–]landdolphinman 21 points22 points ago

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Shit... I think I am now.

[–]joylent_green 17 points18 points ago

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My work here is done.

[–]fish_tacoz 3 points4 points ago

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username is oddly appropriate...

[–]another_malik 7 points8 points ago

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What the fuck did I just read.

[–]bg-j38 8 points9 points ago

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I read everything after "wa wa wa" in (parentheses voice).

(So unfulfilled.)

[–]Generic_Name_Here 2 points3 points ago

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)

[–]bg-j38 1 point2 points ago

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So much better.

[–]faptasticles 2 points3 points ago

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mmm muppet sex

[–]ThirstyWork 3 points4 points ago

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RES tagged as "Sexy Muppet Love" in a nice shade of blue. Congrats!

[–]joylent_green 2 points3 points ago

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sweet.

[–]zedadex 1 point2 points ago

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blue green

[–]skinker[!] 22 points23 points ago

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Looks like they brought in the creators of The Wire to direct an episode.

[–]achilleslastsolo 20 points21 points ago*

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Elmo comin'.

[–]thatwasntveryraven 15 points16 points ago

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SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

[–]drbold 4 points5 points ago

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I really, REALLY want to see this episode.

[–]KPDover 0 points1 point ago

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Watch McNulty and Bunk solve a crime using only the letter "F".

[–]vertigo1083 21 points22 points ago

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cripple me elmo

[–]flipflopae 56 points57 points ago

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Looks like Elmo is going to jail.

[–]LibertarianGuy 23 points24 points ago

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For deep ballin?

[–]noonch 7 points8 points ago

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Likely for raping Mr. Noodle.

[–]Clumpy 10 points11 points ago*

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I always used to imagine an episode where Mr. Noodle is trying to commit suicide, but he keeps screwing up, putting the bullets in the gun backward or dumping a bottle of sleeping pills harmlessly over his face, and all of the kids giggling and going "No, Mr. Noodle!"

EDIT: Apparently the Mr. Noodle I know died of AIDS. What a downer.

[–]noonch 2 points3 points ago

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That was Mr. Noodle's brother, Mr. Noodle, who died of AIDS. The original Mr. Noodle (Bill Irwin) is still alive and can be seen in films such as Rachel Getting Married and Across the Universe.

[–]Clumpy 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, he was "the Mr. Noodle I knew," Michael Jeter.

[–]I_RAPE_ALLCAPS_GUY 3 points4 points ago

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SOUNDS LIKE MY KIND OF GUY.

[–]GeneralWarts 44 points45 points ago

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Look out.. It has strong sexual,

,

[–]Quazifuji 23 points24 points ago

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It also has Situation.

[–]NovaMouser 12 points13 points ago

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If this guy is in the episode it will definitely NOT be ballin.

[–]dramamoose 4 points5 points ago

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Hey now. There's violence and rape. It could be the perfect situation for the situation.

[–]Quazifuji 1 point2 points ago

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Hmm... in that light, I suppose Situation is actually a good warning to put in there. Quite possibly the least appropriate one for children out of the whole list.

[–]Penleg 10 points11 points ago

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is there any other kind?

[–]floyd76 11 points12 points ago

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Ahhhhh, I remember this episode. This is the one where http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4083/5084999927_56f193889a_o.jpg made his debut.

[–]homerjsimpson4 22 points23 points ago

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This gives "Tickle Me Elmo" a whole new meaning...

[–]trombonechamp 11 points12 points ago

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It's Avenue Q!

[–]sickaments 18 points19 points ago

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more like sexame street

amirite?

[–]Cptn_Hook 18 points19 points ago

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This summer...

I used ta run these streets!

One Muppet...

They took everything from me!

Stands on his own.

You tell Gordon -- I'm coming for him.

[Punches and explosions and other things like that go here for a really long time and give away more plot than they need to.]

[Protagonist's voiceover during action: Today's show is brought to you by the letter "U," for "FUCK YOU!"]

[Continue action shots.]

[(Followed by)]

[Slow pan down onto angry but calm protagonist.]

This city's about to find out why they call me the Grouch.

[Smashes baseball bat down towards camera into off-screen minor antagonist. Just before it hits--]

[Smash cut to tagline: The Streets Are No Longer Safe]

OSCAR
Coming Soon

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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This needs more upvotes.

[–]Dr-Farnsworth 2 points3 points ago

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I will create this. Comment for bookmark.

[–]keramos 1 point2 points ago

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"The Streets are no longer safe"?

Come on. You could have at least tried to use something Oscar related, like It's Time To Take Out The Trash or On Sesame Street, The Garbage Takes Out You!

And of course the voiceover as the final "Coming Soon" title is shown and begins to fade out:

[The Count] Seven! Seven litterers knee-capped! Ah-ha-ha [Thunder]

[–]Cptn_Hook 0 points1 point ago

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I totally should have gone with "The Trash Will Not Be Taken Out." You'll get co-writing credit on my second draft.

[–]You_and_I_in_Unison 0 points1 point ago

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Boy, good thing they showed Elmo finally having sex with his love interest, was afraid I'd have to be interested in that plotline for the first 50 minutes of the movie, they sure kept me from being to invested in the it.

[–]homerjsimpson4 0 points1 point ago

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Muppet?

[–]Layserboy1 5 points6 points ago

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elmo has a gun, big bird's on the run

[–]darkscream 4 points5 points ago

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Life is hard on the street.

[–]wennerstromsdemise 1 point2 points ago

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lol.. hard

[–]Novocaine43 6 points7 points ago

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From Rochacha I see... have a white hot and Cream Ale for me!

[–]cuteintern 0 points1 point ago

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+1 for WXXI and I'll have a Garbage Plate, please.

[–]ruffgem 5 points6 points ago

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I used to work at a call center that performed troubleshooting for an unnamed cable provider in the United States. One week, a woman called in concerned that there was something wrong with the shows she'd recorded on her DVR. Apparently, an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse contained scenes of violence, sexuality, nudity, suggestive themes, etc.

I was able to maintain my composure long enough to help her through the problem. However, when she read the synopsis out loud, I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud. The episode was entitled "Minnie's Pajama Party" and featured a character named Willie the Giant who tried to sneak into the party. Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor about the whole thing.

[–]xNonsense 3 points4 points ago

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Which muppet got raped?

[–]bitcheslovedroids 3 points4 points ago

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Ernie

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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This is my alphabet. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My alphabet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my alphabet is useless. Without my alphabet, I am useless. I must recite my alphabet true. I must spell better than my enemy, who is trying to kill me.

[–]Heroshade 4 points5 points ago

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Rape. Not "graphic depictions of rape," just "rape."

[–]lioffproxy 5 points6 points ago

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What happens to the poor kid in the wheelchair I wonder?

[–]tcsuperstar 2 points3 points ago

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Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.

[–]coreycubed 4 points5 points ago

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Hurry, you've only got 44 hours left to watch it before it selfdestructs!

[–]linked_list 1 point2 points ago

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I agree, that is a one-up.

[–]jceez 3 points4 points ago

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Well last time I watched, Elmo was 100% nude! AND there was a man arm up his ass the ENTIRE TIME.

[–]MissSnikkers 3 points4 points ago

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Gonzo's in this one

[–]billy9888 33 points34 points ago

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who still says ballin?

[–]Drullexx[S] 114 points115 points ago

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I didn't know what else to put I'm sorry it looked ballin :(

[–]TheClayroo 24 points25 points ago

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Ballin' means not caring what people think about what you say. You're ballin'

[–]oboedude 17 points18 points ago

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but he's sorry for ballin' now. My verdict is he's not ballin' at all. CASE CLOSED

[–]Biggillen 16 points17 points ago

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He might be ballin,he's already got some haters

[–]oboedude 9 points10 points ago

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I didn't know what else to put I'm sorry it looked ballin :(

I rest my case

[–]ETL4nubs 18 points19 points ago

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I am a black guy, Ballin' simply means GETTIN MONEY FUCKIN HOES BUYIN CLOTHES. Basically, or if you want the white version, "Balling" refers to basketball.

[–]Biggillen 9 points10 points ago

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As White guy who once rode the bus with a Black Guy, I can verify this is true

[–]teyegurspoon 2 points3 points ago

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I laughed so hard my cat ran away.

[–]oboedude 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Publius82 0 points1 point ago

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So it turns out I am good at basketball? Awesome

[–]easyeight 2 points3 points ago

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He's Bawling?

[–]KryptKeeper 1 point2 points ago

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Some will wonder if he was ever ballin' at all.

[–]TheClayroo 0 points1 point ago

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o true....ballin' doesn't apologize for nothin'

[–]oboedude 1 point2 points ago

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damn straight

[–]Kamho 1 point2 points ago

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don't worry a lot of people still say ballin. billy 9888 is a sucka

[–]Shujenkins 1 point2 points ago

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This is ballin out of control!

[–]The_designer_pro 0 points1 point ago

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fuck him, that episode looked ballin!

[–]ahardwight 3 points4 points ago

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That rape scene was especially ballin'.

[–]assangeleakinglol 2 points3 points ago

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2pac.

[–]thatwasntveryraven 2 points3 points ago

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I'm pretty sure he doesn't still say anything.

[–]megatom0 0 points1 point ago

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Obviously people who like rape.

[–]Alvante 7 points8 points ago

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This episode was made in 2009, in an attempt to get parents to watch Sesame Street with their children. The thought behind it was that parents would wonder what the heck their kids are watching when they hear the sounds, so they watch as well, tell their friends, etc. etc. etc..

Of course the episode wasn't aired, it wasn't exactly suitable for children, because it deals with some pretty heavy topics. I'm glad they've finally decided to air it. I've never seen the whole thing, but reportedly Big Bird will never be the same.

[–]tacotacotaco_1 2 points3 points ago

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was this the episode with Katy Perry on it?

[–]madcal 2 points3 points ago

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Must have been the episode where this went down:

http://www.evilbert.com/bert002.htm

[–]antibasic 0 points1 point ago

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Less than 1% of reddit was on the Internet when the original Bert is Evil site was around.

Good to see I'm not the only one who remembers it.

[–]FlowersofGood 2 points3 points ago

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'Language'

Holy shit. That's hardcore.

[–]LP99 5 points6 points ago

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No! Not words!

[–]JohhnyDamage 5 points6 points ago

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Probably English.

[–]JohhnyDamage 0 points1 point ago

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This comment got me over 1,000 comment karma! Score!

[–]ANewAccountCreated 1 point2 points ago

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They even managed to fit all of that into a 1hr episode. What can't the Children's Television Workshop do?

[–]Your_lost_dog 1 point2 points ago

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They finally get Marilyn Manson on?

[–]jimsnaps 1 point2 points ago

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That kid in the wheelchair is in for a surprise.

[–]Matt01123 1 point2 points ago*

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Actually, I think I have a clip from that episode.

[–]juancamdingo 1 point2 points ago

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This is about to get really dark.

[–]shawnpeps 1 point2 points ago

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Sesame Street goes to visit the folks in Oz.

[–]imaunitard 1 point2 points ago

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That's the episode where The Cookie Monster gets hooked on meth.

[–]Capt_Carrot 1 point2 points ago

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Mild nudity

To be fair, Elmo is typically naked

[–]b_blizzy 1 point2 points ago

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In my days Sesame Street was much tamer.

[–]44problems 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Vocalities 1 point2 points ago

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Hey man come in here.

What is it?

This episode of Sesame Street has rape. Rape on a children's show?

SOUNDS FUCKING BALLIN.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me of their youtube incident.

In case anyone doesn't know, Sesame Street's channel got hacked and all their videos were replaced with hardcore porn. It took them a while to for them to attempt to do something before they just shut down the channel. Many children's innocent eyes were contaminated that day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I want to know more....

[–]ViktorVaughn 1 point2 points ago

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Sesame Street has always been straight gangsta.

[–]JuanTaco69 1 point2 points ago

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[–]360walkaway 3 points4 points ago

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I'm guessing the rape scene occurs in Bert & Ernie's portion of the show.

[–]LarryTheSatelliteGuy 0 points1 point ago

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[–]fakeyourage 0 points1 point ago

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BUT WHERE ARE THE DRUGS????!!!!!

[–]windy444 0 points1 point ago

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An im al, An im al!

[–]robrmm 0 points1 point ago

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[–]padawanderful 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ramirezdoeverything 0 points1 point ago

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Brief nudity AND nudity!

[–]LtCthulhu 0 points1 point ago

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Is that Bright House communications??? Best cable company ever!

[–]uploadcomplete 0 points1 point ago

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[–]SomeMetroid 0 points1 point ago

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Does Elmo have to slap a bitch?!

[–]doctanahar 0 points1 point ago

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ELMO BOUT TO FUCK SHIT UP!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]nicholaaaas 0 points1 point ago

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this episode must have been written exclusively by J Milligan

[–]Tr1ggrhappy 0 points1 point ago

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This was on the sesame street youtube page a few months ago

[–]cjk105 0 points1 point ago

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Episode Name: Sesame Street visits Penn State Special guest appearances by PedoBear and the Ghost of Michael Jackson Co-directed by Rob Zombie and Quentin Tarantino

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Sesame Street: SVU

[–]Skeletor2010 0 points1 point ago

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Must be the Katy Perry episode.

[–]ObliviousIrrelevance 0 points1 point ago

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I blame Oscar the Grouch for like half of this shit.

[–]Ayrayray 0 points1 point ago

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The streets of sesame are gettin pretty harsh these days.

[–]Ombelico 0 points1 point ago

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O.o

[–]IDlOT 0 points1 point ago

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They have a 'situation' in it. O.O

[–]Levuc 0 points1 point ago

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The girl in the wheelchair in the background makes me think that this will be more interesting than originally assumed.

[–]Auyan 0 points1 point ago

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I know the girl in the wheelchair playing patty-cake in the opening. Sweetest person ever.

[–]Wontoncookie 0 points1 point ago

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Btw I think the comment is true. Have you seen many muppets and seasame street wear no clothes

[–]FamousSoBad 0 points1 point ago

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Elmo comin'

[–]naturalcauzes 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Heretic3e7 0 points1 point ago

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Please Can tell me how to get...

how to get to Sesame Street?

[–]ninjabunnyz 0 points1 point ago

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I see Rule 34 is starting to be applied to the tv now...

[–]Green013 0 points1 point ago

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Obviously the episode with Katy Perry.

[–]WolfgangLazerfist 0 points1 point ago

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damn. this shit got graphic violence and mild violence!

[–]wennerstromsdemise 0 points1 point ago

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The real Muppet With The Dragon Tattoo.

[–]chickadee1 0 points1 point ago

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Did anybody else see the girl in the wheelchair in the background and get very worried?

[–]trollosophy 0 points1 point ago

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After listening to the count censored, I'm not surprised.

[–]platzie 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you for not posting this in r/wtf

[–]Tortoise_Herder 0 points1 point ago

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No one I'd rather have teaching my children all about/how to rape.

[–]poundcake2010 0 points1 point ago

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The girl with the big bird tattoo?