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top 200 commentsshow all 346

[–]SpelingTroll 462 points463 points ago

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I found that your chances of being stopped drop drastically if you don't make eye contact. Just hold the wheel with both hands visible, smile, and look straight ahead.

Also, try your best not to be black.

[–]Bsbear 41 points42 points ago

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Happened to me the other day. If a cop is driving behind you and almost tailgating you, does that mean you should speed up? Even if it's above the limit?

[–]tllnbks 121 points122 points ago

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It means you should pull the e-brake. E-brake doesn't activate the brake lights.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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I bet that cop would still find a way to put you at fault.

[–]dabork 28 points29 points ago

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He wouldn't have to "find a way". His dash cam would show you suddenly decelerating with no brake lights. No matter what you're fucked, because if you admit to pulling the parking brake unnecessarily it's your fault, and if you try to say you used full brakes he's going to counter with your brake lights not working and it's your fault again.

For those confused about the e-brake thing, it's called that (emergency brake) because it's a direct link to your back brakes that will work even if your brakes fail (fluid leak, pump failure, etc.). More often than not it's used on manual transmissions to stop them from rolling when parked since they lack a "Park" gear that locks the transmission like automatic gearboxes have, hence the name "parking brake".

[–]Kar98 8 points9 points ago

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We call it a handbrake in this crazy country

[–]learningphotoshop 18 points19 points ago

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They would promptly check to make sure your brake lights work. It was my understanding that if you hit anyone from behind for any reason you are at fault because you should not have been that close.

[–]craig131 8 points9 points ago

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Agreed. Also, the dash cam wouldn't be able to tell beyond reasonable doubt whether you were decelerating or if the cop was accelerating.

Not that you should do it though.

[–]Athegon 15 points16 points ago

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A lot of dash cams actually will put the vehicle's speed off the speedo on the bottom the image. That way, if a cop's doing 100 and ends up putting his car into a pole, they can prove beyond a doubt how fast he was going.

It also lets them have more evidence in case they pace you and then tag you for speeding ... they can pull a video that says at the bottom that he's following you doing 82, not just a cop's word.

[–]TheSystem_IsDown 2 points3 points ago

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2 cases that have been shown time and time again to break that rule (and allow the rear-ender to not be at fault) are brake lights not working, and turning right on red right in front of full speed traffic.

[–]Colin_Oscar_P 1 point2 points ago

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I've heard that too, but what about if you're stopped at a traffic light on a hill? If you're a sufficient distance behind the car ahead of you and they roll back and hit you then surely that would be their fault.

[–]Thatguyispimp 1 point2 points ago

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That reasoning is pretty much true. Although if there was no apparent reason for you to use brakes then you can be found guilty of causing the collision. Most patrol cars have dash cams now to be used as supplementary evidence for court cases and such. The dash cam would catch the vehicles extreme decline in speed with no warnings (Brake lights, or some reason for the vehicle to stop). Pretty much my guess of what would happen would be that the person who initiated the collision by braking suddenly for no reason would be found guilty and the officer might receive a harsh talking to about using the three second rule.

[–]Jordipoo 4 points5 points ago

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98 toyota 4runner. I turn Over drive off. Engine slows down. Boom.

[–]QuestionableRag 2 points3 points ago

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Couldn't you just say you let up on the gas? You don't need to brake to decelerate.

[–]dabork 1 point2 points ago

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If your car decelerates fast enough for someone to rear end you when you let off the gas, you have other problems. Your car should lose speed very slowly and smoothly (giving people enough time to notice you slowing down) when you let off the gas unless you're on a really shitty road.

Manual transmissions owners may "engine brake", but that's a different matter.

[–]redthrapp 1 point2 points ago

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As a serious note this is really a bad idea. Unless you practice using an E-brake while driving. On older cars E-brakes need to be pushed very far down to release them and in freeway traffic this could cause you to slow a lot more than anticipated. Not to mention the dangerous situation you pose braking without lights, that could cause an accident which you would be at fault for. In most states it's a crime to brake or use engine-braking without brake lights.

[–]ajehals 1 point2 points ago

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In most states it's a crime to .. use engine-braking without brake lights.

What? So, it effectively bins the usefulness of engine breaking entirely? Even though that's a perfectly reasonable way to deal with a myriad of situations?

[–]icouldntstayaway 2 points3 points ago

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It does in our toyota tercel, which is really weird.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Wtf is an e-brake? The handbrake?

[–]tllnbks 10 points11 points ago

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E-brake is short for emergency brake. Which some people do refer to as the handbrake.

[–]superiority 4 points5 points ago

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"Emergency brake" is a pretty terrible name, considering they're not worth much in an "emergency" situation. You use them for parking and for hand brake turns, not for emergencies.

[–]tllnbks 1 point2 points ago

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Actually, the emergency situation that they are intended for is if something happens to the hydraulic brake system. The emergency brake relies on a cable connection instead of the hydraulic system the rest of the brakes use. If you snag a brake line or the pump goes out, you still have the ability to stop.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I was picturing some button on the dash which was the 'electronic brake'

[–]cajunbander 2 points3 points ago

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They're called e-brakes because now, a lot of newer, auto transmission cars don't have it in the middle console as a lever you pull, rather, as a third pedal.

That's how my car, a GM car, is. The e-brake pedal is on the left side (I'm an American, so the driver's side is on the left) foot area by the door. It's not in the place where the clutch would be, but higher up and all the way left, so that you won't accidentally hit it while driving, but not so high that it can't be operated by the left foot.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Do you have a car or an suv? Most cars still have a lever.

[–]cajunbander 2 points3 points ago

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I have a car. A Chevy Malibu.

[–]irisher 1 point2 points ago

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Even my 2000 mercury sable has the pedal.

[–]werthers 1 point2 points ago

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I don't think it's trending that way. I'm pretty sure it's just americans who call it the e-brake

[–]ant_madness 1 point2 points ago

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My 1969 Plymouth has the parking brake as a pedal, newer cars tend to have a lever. Trucks and vans are more likely to still have a pedal, because they are still based on older designs.

[–]n0rs 1 point2 points ago

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Hand brake in the centre, Steering wheel on the right hand side

3 pedals: Clutch, Brake, Accelerator.

[–]Sypherin 1 point2 points ago

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Most non US cars also have a third pedal. It's called the clutch.

[–]nixonrichard 2 points3 points ago

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My e-brake activates the brake lights.

[–]dabork 1 point2 points ago

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That's odd, it shouldn't since all the e-brake is is a lever attached to a cable that pulls on the back brake(s)(sometimes only one, sometimes both) as you activate it. They usually don't cause the brake lights to come on since the e-brake is more commonly used as a parking brake and that would cause your lights to stay on the whole time, killing your battery.

Do they come on when you activate it with the car turned off like normal brakes?

[–]teamhex 0 points1 point ago

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Or down shift

[–]Stinger007 0 points1 point ago

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Serious question, why doesn't the E-brake activate the lights?!

[–]PSNDonutDude 22 points23 points ago

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No they do that to mess with you. Trying to get you to speed...

[–]JigoroKano 23 points24 points ago

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This happened to me.

Also, Texas state troopers are assholes.

[–]them0nster 23 points24 points ago

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I'm convinced that Texas state troopers take the test they give you when you apply for a job at a store like Target. Except they only look for the answers that ensure the applicant is an asshole.

[–]micheshi 1 point2 points ago

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At least we Texans can be happy about the speed limit change soon. That should keep DPS off us some.

[–]92235 3 points4 points ago

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IDK, I have passed cops on the free way going 75 in a 65 and they haven't done anything. I think most cops won't pull you over for speeding unless they are traffic cops that sit on the side of the road and use the radar. I do make sure I leave 3 seconds before changing lanes, come to a complete stop before the intersection to turn right, and enough room in front of the intersection at a stop light though because those are easy things to get pulled over for.

[–]SeetharamanNarayanan 5 points6 points ago

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Georgia cops on 285 (posted limit: 55) seem to go, on average, around 70, and nobody I know has been pulled over for doing less than that.

[–]Maxxum5x 1 point2 points ago

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GA LEO here. I don't run much traffic. I'm usually going from one call to the next. Just because I'm driving behind you doesn't mean I'm out to get you.. half the time I am thinking to myself I wish everyone would drive faster so I can get to my call.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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As long as you're in a squad car that's not going to happen

[–]icouldntstayaway 3 points4 points ago

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In Arizona, highway patrol has an unwritten (maybe it's written somewhere) policy to only pull you over for speeding if you're doing 11 over or more.

Now that I think about it, the speed cameras are set to flash at 11 over, so it probably is a written rule.

[–]sirukin 1 point2 points ago

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It's an unwritten rule here in Canada too. 10 kilometers is usually ignored by the RCMP and City police, unless you hit a speed trap or you're driving in a school, playground or construction zone or something.

However, counties and areas tend to have their own traffic enforcement, so they'll pull you over for anything over just so they feel like real cops.

[–]nixonrichard 1 point2 points ago

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I saw something recently that said the national average for State troopers (in a survey) was a 9 mph threshold.

[–]nemec 2 points3 points ago

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How? It just makes me go slower. If he's really in a hurry, he'll pass me.

[–]NeonCookies 6 points7 points ago

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I'm with you. If someone is tailing me, I generally slow down. This send them the message that I'm not cool with it (I have had people back of severely after I slowed down, and they stayed back when I got up to speed again), and gives them a chance to pass me if it's a passing zone.

There are rare instances, like when I'm in the left lane passing someone, when I will speed up if someone is too close. I get past the other person and back into the other lane more quickly for the tailgater to pass me.

[–]IsItReallyYouBooBoo 1 point2 points ago

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I'll only tail you when you go 50km/h in a 60 on the far lane.

[–]PSNDonutDude 2 points3 points ago

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Most people get intimidated when someone is on their tail. I think it's a human natural reaction to avoid ass rape. Scared of things behind us...

[–]dabork 3 points4 points ago

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No, they do it to read your plates. If a cop is riding your ass and you're doing the limit or 5 over, just pretend he's not there. He should back off in a couple minutes unless he found something on you. If you speed up he's either going to get you for speeding, or he's going to keep tailing you even harder because he's still trying to get your plates and now he thinks you have a reason to not want him to do that.

[–]PSNDonutDude 14 points15 points ago

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They're called glasses bro... -_-

[–]frozentrually 0 points1 point ago

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No, they do that because they want to keep up with you when they're running your plates.

[–]bridgedsuspense 4 points5 points ago

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If they're directly behind you like that it generally means they're reading your plates. So no, I wouldn't speed. If it were an emergency and they needed to get around you, they'd flip on their lights and pass you.

[–]Forensicunit 7 points8 points ago

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Just FYI, this is not a universal truth. I have extreme limitations set on me that define when I can use my lights/sirens. Someone pretty much has to be down on the ground injured, running from another officer, not breathing, on fire, or shooting for me to be able to use them.

So consider this, if your car is being broken in to and you are watching from your bedroom window, if you can hear your neighbor beating the shit out of their spouse, if your mom was in a T-bone collision blocking an intersection, or your son/daughter was being taunted by a large group of youths that appeared to be preparing to attack them...how fast do you want me to drive?

Remember, when you need help in seconds the police are only minutes away.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I can't speak for every department, but where I'm at, hitting even the overheads alone activates the cam. While the cam is always "running," it runs on a loop with finite memory, and only instances where it is "activated" are locked into memory. So, at the end of shift, you end up with a series of recordings where you were trying to get people to move over. Typically frowned upon. I imagine this is why you often see cops spotlighting to get people out of their lane.

[–]ldvatwa 2 points3 points ago

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I always switch lanes when that happens. If he follows me, then it simply confirms all of my years of built up paranoia.

[–]Afterburned 1 point2 points ago

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That's when you get in a different lane, or make a turn.

[–]StrangeWill 1 point2 points ago*

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^ this guy is an easy target to fill your ticket quota.

I usually give no fucks, cops know how to pass. Last time I was being tailgated I think they were running my plate (hit me with highbeams for a little bit and then turned away, and there are a handful of cars around that look like the one I was driving).

[–]HYPN007IC 2 points3 points ago

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If someone behind me has their high beams on I make my drivers side mirror aim all the way out so I don't see it. I've also been told that shines them back at the person that has them on. Whether that's true or not it helps with the blindness.

[–]Maxxum5x 1 point2 points ago

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I wrote a highbeam ticket last week. I work midnight shift. Some people don't realize riding with their high beams on impairs other motorists vision... From experience I've been high beamed b4 and had that little purple spot in my vision once I got out on a call... ever since then I'll write highbeam tickets... It's a real safety issue for me. I never know whats going to happen at a call... I don't need purple spots in my eyes if someone pulls a gun.

[–]phudabulah 0 points1 point ago

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They're running your plates. I would advise against speeding up anytime you see the police.

[–]Maxxum5x 0 points1 point ago

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Usually that means he's running your tag.

[–]moonbeaver 0 points1 point ago

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Its nice to pull over if you think the cop is trying to get past you in a hurry. Sometimes they need to get somewhere fast but the call doesn't quite justify lights and sirens.

[–]Epicman 0 points1 point ago

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It means he is getting close to read your tags and you should worry more.

[–]hello_you 100 points101 points ago

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"That's good advi... The fuck?" And then I lol'd

[–]SpelingTroll 34 points35 points ago

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By my personal experience I can tell you it works. Both of them.

[–]Cendeu 10 points11 points ago

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At first I was like "Wait but you didn't spell anything wrong! You're sup---"

Shit.

[–]themangeraaad 8 points9 points ago

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If I know I'm not speeding and have absolutely nothing to worry about sometimes I'll wave to the cop as we drive past each other. Sometimes I get a wave back. I like to believe it makes them think I know them somehow (in a good/friendly way) and makes them less likely to pull me over. Probably wrong but whatever.

Started off because I did a lot of stuff in my town and knew (and still know) many of the officers so I'd give a small wave once in a while. Still do it sometimes because why not?

[–]timisblue 1 point2 points ago

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Okay, Dad.

[–]0wlbear 13 points14 points ago

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I always sing thinking the cop is going "He's not up to trouble, the guy's singing!" Even if talk radio is on, I always sing.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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I always try to not stare at people who are singing in their car because I don't want to make them feel self-conscious.

I want to stare though. I really do.

[–]LeaferWasTaken 6 points7 points ago

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Feel free to stare. I'll usually just start singing to you.

[–]perfect_exceeder 4 points5 points ago

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...and get a bumper sticker touting a police union or firefighters or something.

[–]Forensicunit 5 points6 points ago

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Having a police union sticker on your car has never swayed me to pull or not pull someone over. And little known secret, in many places cops and firefighters HATE each other (I still don't understand why) and it could be more likely that you get pulled over.

[–]Maxxum5x 2 points3 points ago

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Stickers have ZERO effect on if I pull you over or not... I've actually had that conversation with other guys on my shift before... 90% of the time I've seen the infraction and decided to pull you over b4 i'm close enough to see any stickers. Now that's just me and people I know... I cant vouch for anyone else.

[–]gypsypanda 4 points5 points ago

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My dad has a fraternal order of police sticker on the back of his minivan, making it the not getting pulled over ever machine.

[–]I_would_hit_that_ 1 point2 points ago

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Unless the cops suspect you are using the sticker to keep them away, in which case it will attract them.

[–]Zelarius 1 point2 points ago

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Some police view those stickers with suspicion.

[–]Tapeboy 7 points8 points ago

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I find the fact that there are things one should do to decrease the chances of being stopped while doing nothing wrong somewhat disheartening with regard to the way the police force works.

[–]Maxxum5x 1 point2 points ago

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Most of those little things are rumors. I pull people over and ticket/warn them for infractions. I base it on the infraction at hand... not decals or stickers or waves or what radio station they are listening to or who they name drop etc etc etc

[–]KingKneeGrow 2 points3 points ago

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Well fuck

[–]zdownes 51 points52 points ago

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Your brother, is Joey Bag-of-doughnuts?

[–]Robilton 29 points30 points ago

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I love that guy! How much can Joe Bags drink!?

[–]thatEEguy 38 points39 points ago

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soooooo much

[–]Flanders_J 12 points13 points ago

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I always worried the real Joe Bags would show up.

"THIS FAG'S NOT MY BROTHA!"

[–]IPoopedALego 8 points9 points ago

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...and then he'd pull his dick out and hit me with it!

[–]moonbeaver 181 points182 points ago

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I'm a cop and I still feel like that when I'm driving my own car and I see another cop

[–]Bromleyisms 10 points11 points ago

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Hey, I apologize for the other guys, hopefully you're a good cop, and at the very least, you have an excellent sense of humour, and you use reddit! Man, who are we kidding, you're an excellent cop, bravo good chap

[–]moonbeaver 13 points14 points ago

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well, I was a redditor before I was a cop if that helps...

[–]zetrate 3 points4 points ago

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As long as you remember, "A smart man knows the rules, a wise man knows the exceptions", then you're cool with us.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You know, as long as the exceptions don't include illegal arrest, assualt, or search, you know..

[–]Forensicunit 1 point2 points ago

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How long have you been a cop? I am now immune to red and blue lights. They don't make me nervous or excited any more. I remember when I first started just the sight of those lights would spike my pulse. Not anymore. I can have a conversation right next to the light bar.

[–]jojoo13 114 points115 points ago

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Oh, Mike Birbiglia, how you make my world.

[–]rick_rolled_you 72 points73 points ago

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pass me the sun chips, cracker!

[–]Notahipster_ 46 points47 points ago

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not til we get to the picnic, cracker!

[–]coleosis1414 44 points45 points ago

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Cracker, whaaat?

[–]Robilton 37 points38 points ago

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Cracker, Pleeeease....

[–]HerrShaun 24 points25 points ago

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"After the show, a black guy comes up to me and says, 'Hey, you're my cracker!' I was like 'I'm sorry sir, you can't use that word...'"

[–]daluvmonkey 13 points14 points ago

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U can say cracka, but not cracker. Only we can use cracker.

[–]manustillflops 18 points19 points ago

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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.

[–]RON01D0 29 points30 points ago

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I've always thought he was underrated. He has a naturaly hysterical personality and awesome routines imo.

[–]jojoo13 12 points13 points ago*

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He does an act on the radio show "This American Life" about his sleep apnea, and I must admit it's rather amazing. I suggest listening to it, the title of the individual show is called "fear of sleep".

edit- It's actually an excerpt!

[–]Grifachu 7 points8 points ago

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[–]GreenPlasticJim 4 points5 points ago

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So fucking priceless, one of the best stories I've ever heard. This video should be on the front page, it's been submitted numerous times. Unfortunately, things that require more than a meme glance don't get street cred on reddit.

[–]dopplegango 3 points4 points ago

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I think that's an excerpt from his one man show "sleepwalk with me".

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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On grooveshark here.

[–]jojoo13 1 point2 points ago

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It is-- I guess it slipped my mind.

[–]missiontodenmark 0 points1 point ago

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[–]jhaluska 0 points1 point ago

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Like the Hulk!

[–]what_american_dream 11 points12 points ago

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"Kids always made fun of my name when I was younger, Birbiglebug, birbigliography....faggot..." He is fucking gold, I love it when he is the contributor/gets an act in This American Life.

[–]missiontodenmark 3 points4 points ago

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Manbearpiglia

[–]username92 64 points65 points ago

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My friend and i had the cops called on us while driving today. We are pulled over by two cops saying they were called saying we were drinking beer while driving. we hand the officer the bottle of cream soda. He laughs his ass off then says the lady that called is a dumb ass, tells us to have a nice day and leaves.

[–]Hyperian 36 points37 points ago

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ah cream soda, i get drunk off that shit

[–]username92 7 points8 points ago

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Haha right who doesn't?!

[–]wafflemonster 12 points13 points ago

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Drinking cream soda right now, I'm drunk as fuck.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]zetrate 4 points5 points ago

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creamed ass fuck

[–]Gerik22 1 point2 points ago

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So otherwise they would have been beered (beard?) as fuck?

[–]Kryptologic 3 points4 points ago

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IBC rootbeer is probably not a good thing to be casually sipping while driving around either.

[–]dachusa 2 points3 points ago

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Ah the good ole beer in a cream soda bottle trick, works every time

[–]saucedancer 2 points3 points ago

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Happened to a friend of mine drinking mexican coke.

[–]Forensicunit 9 points10 points ago

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Drinking. Snorting. Whatever

[–]dclowd9901 1 point2 points ago

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I just had an awesome idea for Cream Soda brand beer, and the label will be a guy winking.

[–]verrukt 1 point2 points ago

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I remember riding my bike drinking cream soda back in the elementary school days. People looked at me with horror and it wasn't until now that I realized why.

[–]vinfx 0 points1 point ago

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Good thing it wasn't one of these: butter beer.

[–]Believes_in_Gosh 12 points13 points ago

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I used to think I was kinda unstable, and THEN I met every girl I ever dated.

[–]thejmonster 10 points11 points ago

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It's like that feeling I get when I return home from a friend's house and I worry my mom will find out I was smoking. I don't smoke.

[–]SoobNauce 2 points3 points ago

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I've had a friend like that, except it wasn't even him who smokes, it was his dad.

[–]sepseven 25 points26 points ago

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Mike Birbiglia.

[–]TwistedRabbit 2 points3 points ago

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Cant wait to see him live. Already have the tickets!

[–]Kryten_2X4B_523P 2 points3 points ago

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They used to make fun of my last name when I was a kid. They'd call me "Mike Birbibliotec", or "Bubble Butt", .....or "faggot"

[–]coleosis1414 10 points11 points ago

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I like my apartment building, because I have my own drug dealer. He just hangs out out front of my apartment building, and every morning when I come down to go get a snapple, he'll go, "Hey, man, you want some weed?" I'm like, "Do you have Snapple? Cuz I think you should sell Snapple." That way he hooks you in, he's like "If you like snapple, you might also like crack." It'd be like Amazon.com, "If you enjoy Snapple, you might also enjoy balloons of Heroin."

[–]maxreynolds420 15 points16 points ago

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I get to see him in 10 days!

[–]ccoy1817 15 points16 points ago

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ITS 2012 MOFOS

[–]stone500 12 points13 points ago

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You're mad about the date?

[–]more_like_notre_lame 7 points8 points ago

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you have to pick your battles man...

[–]woofers02 6 points7 points ago

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I instinctively tap the brakes every goddamn time I see a cop, even if I'm 5 mph under the limit.

[–]Robilton 12 points13 points ago

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What I should have said was nothing.... What I did say was "You'd be surprised..."

There is nothing you can say after that, "See you around the building!"

[–]Harold_Grundelson 5 points6 points ago

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And then if they do stop you, they ask you why you look nervous...to that I usually reply this.

[–]Ikus13 8 points9 points ago

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This is especially true here in Venezuela, where cops will almost always just rob you. Literally.

[–]DextrosKnight 5 points6 points ago

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Mike Birbiglia is so awesome. And he's from my home town!

[–]petenick96 4 points5 points ago

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If you don't go to Old Mill Pond right now I'll be so disappointed in you.

[–]stone500 1 point2 points ago

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Did you recognize him as the shortstop for Economy Paint Supply?

[–]Fremen13 1 point2 points ago

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He's from MY HOMETOWN TOO

[–]double-o-awesome 2 points3 points ago

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picture of Mike Birbiglia and myself when he did a set at my school in October. very, very funny guy.

[–]GenericLinkedList 3 points4 points ago

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White people's problems.

[–]MosEisleyCantona 3 points4 points ago

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Birbiggleboo?

[–]stone500 2 points3 points ago

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"Please welcome, Mike Bahooski!"

[–]nyr1399 2 points3 points ago

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The quotation marks don't match and I am dying inside because of it.

[–]rkolb86 2 points3 points ago

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Except for the fact that you don't have to do a single thing wrong for them to decide to ruin your life. All they have to do is lie and it happens...a lot

[–]pittrx 2 points3 points ago

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MIKE BIRBIGLIA!

[–]sivlin 2 points3 points ago

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I tend to actually want a cop to pull me over at that point. I always play through in my head the back and forth:

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"- Nope! "You were speeding." - The fuck I was! I was going exactly 2.3 miles under the speed limit.

Sounds cooler when I think about it in my car. Sadly, I never do get pulled over when I'm not speeding.

[–]thaspaam 2 points3 points ago

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I'm 15, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't even think there's a pirated movie or stolen pack of gum to my name, and yet I still freak when I see a cop.

[–]Typhun 2 points3 points ago

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That happened to me last week. Then he pulled me over and ticketed me because I had a light out. Walked around my car a few times looking for problems, but couldn't find anymore. What a jackass.

[–]fazz63 6 points7 points ago

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I listened to this last night! Too funny, I wish more people of reddit appreciated Birbigs...

[–]SuddenlyBacon 20 points21 points ago

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[–]Ichbinzwei 2 points3 points ago

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wow...mmmm

[–]Locke562 1 point2 points ago

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I have that feeling every time. I've had it since I first got my licence and passed by my first cop, and continue to have to this day without fail every single time.

[–]Sakonosolo 1 point2 points ago

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When I stop my car and know I'm going to be stopped for a while I instinctively unbuckle my seatbelt. I've been pulled over one time, though I didn't get a ticket (amazing, since I didn't have my proof of insurance), and the cop saw my seatbelt was off and said I should wear it. Another time I stopped to call someone for directions and unbuckled and a cop pulled up behind me to see what was wrong. He also told me that I should wear my seatbelt. Scary shit.

[–]thatEEguy 1 point2 points ago

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[–]pocketcathedral 1 point2 points ago

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it's hard not to get noticed by the cops when you're driving a car with pepperoni wheels!

[–]stone500 1 point2 points ago

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"I mean, I'm not fat, but I'm the guy that could put the brakes on an orgy"

[–]Stormy_Fairweather 1 point2 points ago

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I had that feeling when walking. Just before I was noticed...

[–]SynthPrax 1 point2 points ago

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Is it anything like that feeling, "I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving while colored?"

[–]vinuash 1 point2 points ago

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Mike Birbiglia is one of my heroes.

[–]Woah_Mad_Frollick 1 point2 points ago

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I Love me some Birbigs!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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"picture of comedian with text" [imgur]

[–]IAmNotAPerson6 1 point2 points ago

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Mike Birbiglia. Also known as Birbigs, Birbigleboo, Bahooski, Birbigglebug, Birbibliography, and faggot.

[–]dan_jd 1 point2 points ago

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When being kidnapped and robbed by cops is a normal thing you pray for pass undetected at all times.

[–]egocentricplasticman 1 point2 points ago

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One of the best fucking comedians.

[–]JacobDeLoach 1 point2 points ago

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Being underaged for a full license, and without the option to apply for a hardship permit in my state, you can not imagine the fear that comes over me when a cop nears me. I always try to make a detour as quick as possible.

[–]CarlLady 1 point2 points ago

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I fucking love Mike Birbiglia.

[–]apullin 1 point2 points ago

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This is a big problem in America. It shouldn't be a joke. You're more likely to have your freedom and/or life taken away by an out of control cop than any terrorist. They write chicken-shit tickets to support their salaries and huge operating budgets, and they use fear to regulate even law abiding people, since they can still take it all away in a second. And that's what the real joke is: people don't even consider whether or not these police should exist, or have this level of power, that's just a forgone conclusion. All we can really worry about is whether or not we'll survive the whims of these brutal fetishistic monsters.

And I can't even image how bad it is for the blacks.

[–]AmatureHour 4 points5 points ago

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I have driven with friends that almost swerve off the road because a cop is coming in the opposite direction and driver does not have seat belt on and kneejerks to get it on ASAP before they pass the cop. Like the cop is gonna 180 in the middle of a busy street and chase you down because you did not have your seat belt on.

[–]Nereosis 27 points28 points ago

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Because wearing your seat belt is so hard and restricting!

[–]CaptainJL 22 points23 points ago

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The fuck is your friend doing driving without a seatbelt on?

[–]pandubear 10 points11 points ago

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I feel like trying to put it on is also more likely to get the cop to notice you, too.

.-.

[–]JaxMed 2 points3 points ago

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I know it varies from state to state, but I live in a state with seatbelt laws, and they can't pull you just for that. You can only get in trouble for that if you're not wearing a seatbelt when the cop comes to your window.

[–]ellevehc 2 points3 points ago

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Funny how we are terrified of those who are supposed to protect us.

[–]WarPhalange 2 points3 points ago

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What's the deal with airline food, amirite??

[–]Robilton 4 points5 points ago

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I love the airport... There is like....CHAIRS

[–]stone500 1 point2 points ago

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What I should have said was "No, I love the airport!" with NO sarcasm.

What I said was "No, I love the airport!" with sarcasm.

[–]oregon105 0 points1 point ago

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who is that guy

[–]JBSH4Y 0 points1 point ago

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mike birbiglia is hilarious. i highly recommend his book "sleepwalk with me"

[–]dontcaresomuch 0 points1 point ago

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sausage fingers!

[–]Jzohnocalypse 0 points1 point ago

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In that situation I just hope to get pulled over because I'm bored and have nothing to hide. =/

[–]filletsack 0 points1 point ago

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Mike Birbiglia stripped of his delivery is just not the same.

[–]GreenPlasticJim 0 points1 point ago

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If you don't know about Mike Birbiglia, or the Moth for that matter, you should re-evaluate your lifestyle.

[–]rustyshax 0 points1 point ago

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Haha did you just take the image off of his wiki page and just reverse it?

[–]Jakasaurus 0 points1 point ago

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I know that feel bro.

[–]Vikaroo 0 points1 point ago

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It is my understanding that even off duty law enforcement feels this way.

[–]Thedeadmilkman 0 points1 point ago

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Yay berbigglebug

[–]DogWhisperer 0 points1 point ago

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yes, that old re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-repost feeling

[–]CaitlinSarah87 0 points1 point ago

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"Have an extra donuto on the hous-o!"

I love that Birbigaboo <3

[–]lenchmob 0 points1 point ago

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Did he just say nigger?

[–]StaticSabre 0 points1 point ago

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Okay, so what's up with that? Why do we get apprehensive as we pass a cop, or as we walk through the theft detector posts right before we leave a store? I know that I'm not stealing anything, but I still get nervous at the thought that those things will go off.

[–]duggyrob 0 points1 point ago

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and your foot automatically hits the brake

[–]123GoTeamShake 0 points1 point ago

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After watching Mike Birbiglia's stupid fucking Suddenlink commercials for years, I've come to the conclusion that that guy can fuck a rake.

[–]excitementgang 0 points1 point ago

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Who do you think our celebrity's going to be?