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all 93 comments

[–]KhloeCardassian 136 points137 points ago

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The number one cause of death is being born.

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points ago

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The medical community is still baffled by the world's 100% death rate.

[–]ffca 3 points4 points ago

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Keanu Reeves.

Can't explain that.

[–]finallymadeanaccount 1 point2 points ago

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I can fix that: stop making babies!

[–]gsadamb 2 points3 points ago

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C-section time!

[–]LookAtMyHat 24 points25 points ago

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doesn't matter; stillborn

[–]appropriate_name 1 point2 points ago

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oh_u.jpg

[–]nuclearwar 109 points110 points ago

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1) Quit smoking.

2) Add 10 years to your life.

3) Start smoking again.

4) Return to step 1.

[–]ohrllyowl 43 points44 points ago

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Yea I quit smoking... every time I put out a cigarette.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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M..Methuselah??

[–]Scorm93 23 points24 points ago

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Troll science

[–]chatzimcfee 7 points8 points ago

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Yo, that's not troll science. It actually works. I read it somewhere. Give me proof it doesn't work.. you are the one making the claim that it doesn't work so you have to provide evvvidence.

[–]Scorm93 1 point2 points ago

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Just to humor you http://whyquit.com/whyquit/memorial.html

The man died four days after quitting.

[–]RedSquaree -3 points-2 points ago

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you are the one making the claim that it doesn't work

Yeah, but in response to someone who said that it worked. The onus is not on the reader to disprove the writer.

[–]echolaliality 0 points1 point ago

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THAT'S THE JOKE.jpg

[–]RedSquaree 0 points1 point ago

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That .jpg shit needs to stop. It's terrible.

[–]echolaliality 2 points3 points ago

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sealof_approval.png

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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lol the cigarette just resets the timeline fool

you have to make sure you quit smoking JUST before youre about to die

thus you can walk in front of trucks etc and quit to survive

[–]icanflyagain 24 points25 points ago

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the question arises: if you knew you had a 2 out of 5 chance to become immortal by smoking, would you do it?

[–]aphasic 1 point2 points ago

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It depends, could I revoke the immortality later if I changed my mind? Perhaps by stopping smoking? Finding out I couldn't die, and sitting around bored until the heat death of the universe would suck.

Actually, that might make a good pro-smoking ad. "Smoking could kill you, but what else are you going to do? Sit around bored until the eventual heat death of the universe?"

[–]taylikes 4 points5 points ago

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[–]bananapanorama 2 points3 points ago

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Smoking could kill you,

that's why I vaporize.

[–]AstronautOne -1 points0 points ago

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How the

[–]DicksonYamada 3 points4 points ago

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Well since immortality is apparently overrated, I would have to say no. Of course, I would start smoking if it looked like I would be dying in the near future.

[–]clintmccool 7 points8 points ago

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"Apparently overrated"?

...Who do you know that is giving reviews of immortality?

[–]4chan_regular 2 points3 points ago

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General media.

You'd have to watch every person you've ever known and/or loved die, infinitely.

[–]clintmccool 4 points5 points ago

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I guess assuming you were somehow the only person to be immortal, then yeah...

[–]yesukai 0 points1 point ago

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The trick is to become a sociopath. If the only person you care about is you, then immortality rocks. For the first million years or so, at least.

[–]RobbyRatpoison 0 points1 point ago

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would you want to live past the death of the universe? i imagine it could take a while.

[–]yesukai 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck yeah. What's the worst that's going to happen? You take like... 10 years of your life? For a chance at being immortal? Fuck yeah.

[–]knestleknox 48 points49 points ago

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.....wrong meme usage?

[–]diegodlv 26 points27 points ago

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Last line should read, "Does that mean the other two are immortal?"

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Point noted. I've seen enough non-question Philosoraptors to think it was pretty standard, but I should've realized that type of reckless rule breaking wouldn't fly in r/AdviceAnimals.

[–]chelidae 4 points5 points ago

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How could you, you horrible redditor? Using the wrong format for a meme? For shame.

[–]merrickx 5 points6 points ago

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Well, the poster had to change it up a bit. The first one said, "DO THE OTHER 2 BECOME IMMORTAL?"

The guilt of a repost tore OP inside enough that the OP felt compelled to add a twinge of originality to this philosraptor meme.

[–]The_Deathly_Seabear 6 points7 points ago

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I know you, Brian.

[–]livbird 16 points17 points ago

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100% of non-smokers die

[–]Ahh_Gene_Parmesan 8 points9 points ago

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Similarly, I remember reading in a high school history book that said that 9 people were injured in the Boston Massacre, 3 of which died later. This means that there are 6 people that never died and are still among us!

[–]pmk422 5 points6 points ago

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The fountain of youth was in New England not Florida.

[–]Dishank 5 points6 points ago

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reminds me of the "Drake and Josh" episode where they are going to parachute and Drake is bragging to his friend of how it is so dangerous. He says that only 3 out of four people make it to the ground.

[–]niloakash 4 points5 points ago

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The fourth is propelled upwards at a very high speed and can be seen flying across the sky as a huge ball of fire. We call him a comet.

[–]Azn_Bwin 1 point2 points ago

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nah man, he is out of space. We call him a space debris

[–]jjflips 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Mako_Eyes 3 points4 points ago

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The oldest recorded human lived most of her life as a smoker.

[–]deadbydesign 3 points4 points ago

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gee, i think i'm going to start smoking!

[–]mattyice360 3 points4 points ago

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But there can be only one Highlander...

[–]toadkiller 2 points3 points ago

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I'll take those odds!

[–]clintmccool 1 point2 points ago

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Let's roll those dice!

[–]Diminutiveathome 2 points3 points ago

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a risk I am willing to take

[–]spiders_wrath 2 points3 points ago

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40% chance of immortality? Light me up, I like those odds!

[–]Preshead 2 points3 points ago

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I think I'll take the chances for immortality

[–]DrakeDealer 2 points3 points ago

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Sounds tempting.

[–]Preshead 4 points5 points ago

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First immortality, then the bitches.

[–]Yojimara 2 points3 points ago

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that's a hell of a risk, mate. I've got a 2/5ths chance of becoming a highlander if I start smoking.

[–]jart1987 1 point2 points ago

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Them aint bad odds

[–]dilligasatall 1 point2 points ago

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They didn't happen to mention what the other two were smoking did they?

[–]ziglander 1 point2 points ago

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I like those odds.

[–]OverzealousPanda 1 point2 points ago

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I like those odds.

[–]inventingnothing 1 point2 points ago

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I'll take my chances then.

[–]imanuu 1 point2 points ago

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I start smoking 8 years ago so far I don't ihave nothing , I went to the doctor a couple of months ago and he told that my lungs were totally Clean and in perfect health , does that mean I'm number four? XD

[–]deigm 1 point2 points ago

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I like those odds!

[–]Langly- 2 points3 points ago

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Death by decapitation soon after.

[–]Barneey 1 point2 points ago

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Shouldn't the punchline be a question?

[–]ipickurf8 1 point2 points ago

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This is not how you use this meme...

[–]WinterInJapan 0 points1 point ago

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That's a 40% chance of eternal life.

Sign me up.

[–]Unhelpful_Scientist 0 points1 point ago

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As a Scientist I can confirm this is how all the studies I have coducted have resulted in, 3 of them die within a single puff but the other two...fuck they almost age backwards

[–]Death_By_Sexy 0 points1 point ago

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I like those odds...

[–]mrascii 0 points1 point ago

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I like them odds. I'm going to start smoking.

[–]afbaiuwe 0 points1 point ago

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I like those odds. grabs cigarette

[–]7h15guy 0 points1 point ago

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from how it sounds, I might start smoking

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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There can only be one!

[–]flyingfreak66 0 points1 point ago

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That is reason enough in my book.

[–]BobbyDuwitz 0 points1 point ago

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I'll take those chances!

[–]bill_hicks_quote 0 points1 point ago

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"I'm gonna tell you non-smokers something right now that I know for a fact you don't know, and I delight in telling my brothers things they don't know, particularly when they're true, which this is. Ready? Non-smokers...ready? Drumroll....(drumming sound)....Non-smokers die every day. (cackle) Sleep tight! You see, I know you entertain some kind of eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke; let me be the first to pop that fuckin' bubble and send you hurtling back to reality...you're dead too."

[–]RobbyRatpoison 0 points1 point ago

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i like those odds!!

[–]Slarx 0 points1 point ago

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I guess I need to start smoking if gives me a 2/5 chance of becoming immortal!!

[–]cynicroute 0 points1 point ago

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I am forever... I am immortaaaalll!

[–]surells 0 points1 point ago

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I like those odds. Light me up.

[–]Constam 0 points1 point ago

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Best reason I've heard yet to start smoking.

[–]TorchicBlaziken 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/35rva8/

Fixed. In a few weeks you can repost this version and nobody will notice, since this is Reddit.

[–]snorkedsnorkedsnorke -2 points-1 points ago

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I highly doubt the ad that this is mocking even exists.

[–]Picklwarrior -1 points0 points ago

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So I have a 3 in 5 chance of not changing my circumstances, and a 2 in 5 of becoming immortal??

Picks up cigarette