top 200 commentsshow all 226

[–]lillyjb 159 points160 points ago

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My grandma wouldn't let me drive the golf cart when we went golfing because I had an out-of-state drivers licence. I'm 23.

[–]Nimbokwezer 39 points40 points ago

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I hate getting a new drivers license every time I visit a new state.

[–]lillyjb 19 points20 points ago

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every time? are you on the lam?

[–]SwampySoccerField 10 points11 points ago

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He can't answer that question but I can. Yes, the answer is yes.

Back to you Stephen.

[–]Mazakaki 0 points1 point ago

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No, Stephen, it is coming back to you, with free full momentum of an orange kitten's sacrificed soul.

[–]yurps 6 points7 points ago

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Nah, he just does this thing called travelling. I've heard good things about it.

[–]Condawg 3 points4 points ago

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How does this work? What requires you to get a license for the state?

[–]epsiblivion 8 points9 points ago

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that's the joke. government id is recognized in all 50 states regardless of the home issuer

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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Thanks. I'm not from the US and didn't get it at first.

[–]ITripFatPpl 2 points3 points ago

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Also you don't need a drivers license to drive a golf cart, it's the equivalent of not allowing me to use a shopping cart because I have a canadian license.

[–]Condawg 2 points3 points ago

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Ah, wasn't sure it was a joke. That's what I thought.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Depends. Some states require you to get a local license within a certain timeframe of moving there. Massachusetts is like this. Other states, like California, will allow you to keep the out of state one until it expires, whereupon you are required to get a local one. I've lived in many different states and these are the two situations I've come across.

This is if you move there of course. All licenses are good for visiting.

[–]DouggyDurable 26 points27 points ago

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That's because your grandma is senile. She told you it was because you had an "out-of-state drivers licence [sic]", but we all know it's because you have a few extra chromosomes.

[–]Vohr 26 points27 points ago

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That's retarded.

[–]jayen 21 points22 points ago

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Come on, don't kick a friend when he's down.

[–]is_that_what_i_think 2 points3 points ago

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it takes a special kind of person to do something like that

[–]we_love_dassie 61 points62 points ago

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Thank you, for labelling it "[FB]" so I know what type of image it is. I wish everyone would abide by this...

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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I misread that as [FBI] so I came in here looking for kiddie pr0n.

[–]Hiyasc 20 points21 points ago

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how about kitty porn? http://barelyferal.tumblr.com/ [NSFW?]

[–]exist 12 points13 points ago

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i can't believe this is real.

[–]Hiyasc 9 points10 points ago

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I had a long debate with myself as to whether it was worth posting.

[–]Chevellephreak 2 points3 points ago

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Worth it.

[–]Bitter_Idealist 1 point2 points ago

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Why does it matter?

[–]kingnutter 0 points1 point ago

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I thought it meant the grandma was a Fuck Buddy.

[–]GirlWhoWasOnFire 0 points1 point ago

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This is my grandma (I'm his girlfriend) so this is slightly disturbing.

[–]kingnutter 0 points1 point ago

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Only slightly?

[–]Lamtd 0 points1 point ago

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Because the thumbnail doesn't make it obvious enough?

[–]PumbaBear 0 points1 point ago

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Not every single person uses the option to have the thumbnail previews.

I personally wouldn't want them on at work.

[–]Kushflow 2 points3 points ago

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work? what is this you speak of?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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It's the place we go to reddit when we are away from home.

[–]Kushflow 0 points1 point ago

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seems legit ;) i might give it a try then

[–]only_says_hiyoooo -2 points-1 points ago

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[–]Lamtd 0 points1 point ago

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Why not? You have the option to turn off thumbnails for NSFW links, so I don't see the issue with having thumbnails on at work.

[–]omgwtfbbqpanda 27 points28 points ago

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She would fit in so well here!

[–]johnnyandross[S] 26 points27 points ago

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I'm seriously thinking of introducing her to reddit. Though I wouldn't be surprised if she's already on here, secretly.

[–]fizz4m 22 points23 points ago

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What if she's on r/gonewild?

[–]Mr_A 29 points30 points ago

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Offend the maximum number of people with the minimum amount of effort

[–]fizz4m 3 points4 points ago

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Words to live by.

[–]IsomorphicAlgorithm 4 points5 points ago

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[–]Levek 2 points3 points ago

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Might have to hit page 5+ to find out ... Lemme know how that goes.

[–]johnnyandross[S] 1 point2 points ago

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then I will go blind

[–]Awful_Antagonist 10 points11 points ago

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She could probably show a thing or two to 4chan.

[–]FeierInMeinHose 4 points5 points ago

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Oh god, let's hope nothing is NSFW.

[–]srry72 2 points3 points ago

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She'd probably mass email it to everyone for the lulz

[–]GirlWhoWasOnFire 1 point2 points ago

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Oh god she would never leave the house, she is already addicted to the internet.

(I'm his girlfriend, this is my grandma)

[–]Mi5anthr0pe 0 points1 point ago

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With the outrageous volume of aspie, atheist, nerds/liberals on here, grandma would be run out of town in about a week.

[–]XRotNRollX 6 points7 points ago

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you seem to be under the false impression that old women can't be atheists or liberals

[–]NotADamsel 2 points3 points ago

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Why, haven't you heard? It's the Law!

[–]thesmoothsmoothness 1 point2 points ago

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You seem to be under the false impression that old women can't be aspies or nerds.

[–]Crumps_brother 0 points1 point ago

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Would she be a troll? Fuck, I hope so. I like humour as much as the next guy but I'm getting pretty sick of puns and nerd jokes. I've never seen Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings and I'm still tired of the lame ass, obvious jokes.

[–]anonemouse2010 0 points1 point ago

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I'd fit in her so well!

[–]bardfaust 34 points35 points ago

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It's funny because you're all faggots

[–]Drout 22 points23 points ago

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if you really wanted to offend reddit then you would have used the wrong "your"

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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ur?

[–]AquaNeito 2 points3 points ago

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r ?

[–]sweely 1 point2 points ago

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?

[–]AquaNeito 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Jackstick 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Lmkt 1 point2 points ago

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[–]AquaNeito 0 points1 point ago

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ARHHH How did you do that! i was trying really hard :(

[–]Jackstick 0 points1 point ago

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Alt+255 is a null character. It looks just like a blank space, but it's not quite the same. It didn't let me submit the message with just a null character, so I added a caret symbol (Shift+6) for superscripts, and then another null character.

TL;DR: Alt+255, Shift+6, Alt+255

[–]AquaNeito 0 points1 point ago

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:O so difficult

[–]Mr_A 6 points7 points ago

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Haha, them.

[–]right_foot 18 points19 points ago

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You're friends with your girlfriend's grandmother? I'm not even friends with my own grandmother.

[–]Tywin_Lannister 14 points15 points ago

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I'm not even friends with my own father.

[–]Demos181 4 points5 points ago

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I'm not even friends with my own mother.

[–]srry72 22 points23 points ago

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Weird because I added her a while back.

[–]Sadsigh 1 point2 points ago

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I'm not friends with anyone:(

[–]KeythKatz 0 points1 point ago

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You have one now! Not me though, that would suck.

[–]pwincessbuhuhcwuhp 0 points1 point ago

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I'm friends with your own mother.

[–]krizutch 1 point2 points ago

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I am not even friends with my girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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you don't have one, that's why.

[–]krizutch 0 points1 point ago

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I wish that were true...

[–]AquaNeito 1 point2 points ago

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I can take her if you don't mind...

[–]johnnyandross[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I'm friends with most of her family. and they still like me even after all my r/atheist reposts to facebook. They're not really the religious type. It's awesome.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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An internet without perpetual outrage is no internet of mine.

[–]XRotNRollX 2 points3 points ago

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if i can't be offended, it's not my internet

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I'll remember this comment.

[–]CaptainDoctorBanana 0 points1 point ago

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You can vent if you want to.

[–]I_live_in_a_trashcan 0 points1 point ago

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You can leave your friends behind.

[–]NunsOnFire 0 points1 point ago

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'Cuz your friends don't troll and if if they don't troll, well they're - no friends of mine

[–]is_that_what_i_think 0 points1 point ago

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i wish i could/knew how to upvote multiple times

[–]DumpsterSkunk 5 points6 points ago

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I wonder how she used to offend the maximum number of people before she had internet. Massive amounts of mail?

[–]NotADamsel 3 points4 points ago

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Swearing on-stage at a mega-church would do it.

[–]IAmAtomato 42 points43 points ago

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BITCHCUNTFUCKSHITWHORENIGGERBITCH

[–]dfinch 34 points35 points ago

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Legalize gay marriage!

[–]IAmAtomato 37 points38 points ago

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Fags are what is wrong with 'Merica!

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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Athiest are the second biggest problem

[–]Physics101 36 points37 points ago

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Don't get me started on 'dem faggot atheists.

[–]IAmAtomato 24 points25 points ago

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Aw, shit, those are almost the worse! Not as bad as those nigger faggot athiests though, amirite?

[–]fuck_pants 24 points25 points ago

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Nope, female nigger faggot athiests have got to be the worst thing. God's gonna give us another flood unless we get rid of 'em!

[–]IAmAtomato 18 points19 points ago

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Those are pretty bad, too, man, but not as bad as those female, nigger, faggot, Iranian athiests.

[–]HitTheGymAndLawyerUp 19 points20 points ago

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I hate Carl Sagan and think weed should stay illegal.

[–]IAmAtomato 10 points11 points ago

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I think Dave Chapelle is unoriginal and unfunny.

[–]miscmantheman 8 points9 points ago

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Female nigger faggot jew atheists!

[–]dfinch 1 point2 points ago

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That is it, good sir! Jews?! My God!

[–]IDidntChooseUsername 1 point2 points ago

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Yes. Jew atheists.

[–]GhettoCommentGuy 2 points3 points ago

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Bitch ass white people needa pay niggas some money for slavery.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]GhettoCommentGuy 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck yo bitch ass "THIS" how tha hell can I buy sizzurp wit dat?

[–]IAmAtomato 0 points1 point ago

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Not ghettoo enough, ditch dat bitch azz punctuation at da end yooo

[–]IAmAtomato 3 points4 points ago

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LOL

RAUN PAUL IS A COCKSUCKER.

[–]atomic1fire 0 points1 point ago

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PETA is saving animals, bacon is murder.

[–]IAmAtomato 0 points1 point ago

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Bacon is repulsive. Babies have the most tenderly sweet meats.

[–]WhatsLeftOfMe 19 points20 points ago*

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Skyward Sword sucked. The ending of Shadow of the Colossus was terrible. Dwarf Fortress is easy once you get the hang of it. Bioshock 2 was a vast improvement over Bioshock and both are way better than System Shock 2. Final Fantasy X had a very deep story and the infamous "laughing scene" was very well choreographed and a fairly realistic portrayal of forced laughter by two people faking laughter to convince each other to continue on the path of all kinds of resistance without giving into depression and fear.

The Republican party is an antiquated group that will hopefully be remembered as a shamefully close-minded embarrassment on the extreme right and whatever the Democrats are replaced by will still be right-of-center compared to the competing progressive party of its time.

If a man has sex with a pre-op trans woman, he's performing a homosexual act. Men are unfairly oppressed in certain circumstances all around the world and "you have it better most of the time" doesn't mean the bad times don't happen and shouldn't be addressed. Prostitution is a valid occupation and shouldn't be looked down upon by anyone not directly involved in the life of an individual sex worker.

Pubic hair detracts from the sexuality of a person's body. Circumcision on either gender is horrible and should never be performed on anyone who cannot give consent. There's nothing inherently wrong with polyamory. Marriage, more often than not, acts as a cage to keep people together and is no longer needed in a modern society. It's alright for a girl to sleep with ten guys a year, every year, starting from the age of 18. Sex earlier than that? Condoms and good education would usually stop any negative side physical effects from occurring. Psychologically, some people are adults before they turn 13. They're more common than people think.

I'd say "Hitler was right" here just to piss off whoever's left, but that would turn this from my actual opinions into a joke.

[–]ajleece 6 points7 points ago

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Men are unfairly oppressed in certain circumstances all around the world and "you have it better most of the time" doesn't mean the bad times don't happen and shouldn't be addressed.

Yup.

Prostitution is a valid occupation and shouldn't be looked down upon by anyone not directly involved in the life of an individual sex worker.

Yup.

I see nothing wrong here.

[–]jannuhat 0 points1 point ago*

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Ok. I'm saying it.

I'd almost agree with everything, but there's no fucking way I'll agree to the Bioshock / System Shock 2 comparison

I mean WTF!?!?

SS2 was a masterpiece of dread, suspense and despair; Bioshock was a glazed piece of ham for the fucking losers who thought they could've taken on the many

[–]Batman_Von_Suparman2 -1 points0 points ago

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I agree with you on the Psychologically thing. I'm 14 years old and everytime I log into Facebook and see the shit that comes out of there I die a little inside. Why can't people grow up and act like a decent human being for once? Or at least you know SPELL CORRECTLY! If I see "Lyk he w4s th3re at th3 partay!" (I don't speak that language) or see 12-15 year olds talking about getting fucked in the ass I'm going to fucking show them how much of a disgrace they are to Humanity. That if they die it would mean one less idiot. They have to see the what's wrong with them and fix it. Because I don't want to see this world filled with idiots. That is all.

[–]hobbes987 0 points1 point ago

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You spelled Superman wrong in your username.

-An immature 25-year old

[–]lmpervious -1 points0 points ago

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I couldn't make it past the FFX part. >:(

upvote

[–]jormk -1 points0 points ago

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i hope these are your opinions because GRR

[–]chelidae 3 points4 points ago

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This post offends me.

[–]BaronVonDinosaur 2 points3 points ago

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The Holocaust was an inside job!

[–]GaryOak37 2 points3 points ago

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Joyce, such a Grandma name.

[–]christianjb 1 point2 points ago

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It's the name of joyce for grandmothers everywhere.

[–]johnnyandross[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I didn't block that out just to give it some credibility.

[–]wolfman863 1 point2 points ago

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On the other hand, Reddit allows me the ability to get my deeply inspired, soul fulfilling, creative thoughts and ideas completely squashed and trampled on in nanoseconds.

[–]ginger_mcfreckle_vag 1 point2 points ago

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what's even more awesome is how right she is.

[–]pixel_illustrator 1 point2 points ago

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Why are you even dating the daughter when the obvious choice is the pre-prequel?

[–]thatsNACHOcheese 1 point2 points ago

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So I guess all those incredibly ignorant and racist comments are written by... Our grandparents?

[–]BrianWulfric 1 point2 points ago

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My grandma thinks that computers come with the internet inside of them.

[–]b214n 1 point2 points ago

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I strongly oppose the "I can be a douche because it's the Internet" mentality but this puts that into perspective, somehow. Take this karma point.

[–]BritishHobo 1 point2 points ago

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A lot of people online spend a lot of time defending the right to say things that offend people, ignoring the fact that it doesn't matter if you're allowed to do it or not, it just makes you a shitty person if you keep doing it when you know it's upsetting people.

[–]comphermc 1 point2 points ago

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[...] minimal effort.

FTFY

[–]long_dong 1 point2 points ago

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Wow, You're full of shit

[–]loonyphoenix 1 point2 points ago

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She kinda looks like Zoidberg.

[–]kingtimmy 3 points4 points ago

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Mitt Romney 2012!

[–]bvanman 4 points5 points ago

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That almost offends me how little effort you're putting into this.

[–]Lethalgeek 1 point2 points ago

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slow clap Bravo miss, Bravo.

[–]Jack_Squire 1 point2 points ago

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Is your girlfriend's grandma a stay-at-home-kike?

[–]Qwerty439 1 point2 points ago*

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SOPA and PIPA are harmless.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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your mom

[–]Amon_The_Rat 0 points1 point ago

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so true...

[–]ameerkat1 0 points1 point ago

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hippopotamus coupon books!

[–]CoolShadyNZ 0 points1 point ago

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I really want to be friends with her on Facebook.

[–]sky4 0 points1 point ago

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she nailed it.

[–]biggysmallz 0 points1 point ago

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That's called Minmaxing

[–]Hanamanson 0 points1 point ago

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Snails are mollusks. Period.

[–]hellomynamesbruce 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck you bitch.

[–]riotingchimps 0 points1 point ago

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Love this lady

[–]pururu 0 points1 point ago

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Grandma is such a boss.

[–]robotto 0 points1 point ago

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I am deeply offended because it is blatantly not true.

[–]jannuhat 0 points1 point ago

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I think she's confused the Internet with Facebook

[–]jannuhat 0 points1 point ago

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also IRC, but somehow I don't think she's that oldskool

[–]jannuhat 0 points1 point ago

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also BBS, but somehow I don't think Reddit is that oldskool

[–]FactorCerveza 0 points1 point ago

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Troll Grandma

[–]mystryman 0 points1 point ago

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Her comment even offended us grammar Nazis. Amount of people?! Harrumph! :-)

[–]John_um 0 points1 point ago

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I hope to god this is real because this is fucking amazing.

[–]GirlWhoWasOnFire 0 points1 point ago

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It is, don't worry. I'm his girlfriend and this is my grandma. You should hear the shit she says in person.

[–]John_um 0 points1 point ago

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My day just got that much better.

[–]DuckyStyle 0 points1 point ago

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...shes probably a racist

[–]Horrible_Mood_Swings 0 points1 point ago

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Your grandma seems like a very nice lady. That old fucking cunt rag.

[–]haiku_robot -1 points0 points ago

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Your grandma seems like 
a very nice lady. That 
old fucking cunt rag.

[–]Fuck_NoveltyAccounts 0 points1 point ago

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No.

[–]takka_takka_takka 0 points1 point ago

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You take that back, you festering old hag!

[–]mfcav123 0 points1 point ago

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My grandma barely knows how to use a landline phone.

[–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

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Troll grandma was born too early.

[–]NancyGracesTesticles 0 points1 point ago

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Dibs on fucking the old out of her in a way that degrades me way more than it degrades her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I just made the front page with pictures of my toilet. True story.

[–]shlack 0 points1 point ago

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Might be unrelated and will get burried, but does anyone else love having that feeling of family with your so's relatives? It makes me feel warm and happy...

[–]johnnyandross[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I know what you mean! And I probably explains why I'm with her relatives more than mine lol

[–]sunshine_limbs 0 points1 point ago

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I can't be the only person who thinks her post is a criticism of the internet rather than an example of her own bad-assery?

[–]Choppa4 0 points1 point ago

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Older women named Joyce are so badass. I don't know what it is. Plus, it;s absurd to me that this has received 4,607 downvotes at the time of me posting this.

[–]cheromo 0 points1 point ago

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[–]emlgsh 0 points1 point ago

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I am offended by this lackadaisical attitude towards the offending of others.

[–]neverinvalid 0 points1 point ago

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yeah but would she dance to Rack city with you?

[–]freder93 0 points1 point ago

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Trollin' Granny!

it's a thing now

[–]juiceboxes 0 points1 point ago

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She's a keeper.

The grandma, not the gf

[–]GirlWhoWasOnFire 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks for that, my grandma likes him more than me anyway

[–]ivquatch 0 points1 point ago

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It takes a little more effort on 4chan.

[–]DrunkAtNight 0 points1 point ago

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She.........Understands

[–]PrinceHerbert 0 points1 point ago

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This is exactly how I've felt all week.

all life...

[–]_theword 0 points1 point ago

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God is a faggot.

[–]91Jacob 0 points1 point ago

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This offends me.

[–]Disturbances 0 points1 point ago

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At first I didn't realize what [fb] ment. Now I feel retarded. ._.

[–]forhate 0 points1 point ago

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only_says_fuck_yeah: fuck yeah

[–]rhinorocan 0 points1 point ago

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GO! GRAMA! ILU :)

[–]f3ng5hui 0 points1 point ago

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ah, good wisdom. so true!

[–]8serene8 0 points1 point ago

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So very true. Cool grandmas are hard to come by these days

[–]Joke_Getter 0 points1 point ago

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Your girlfriend's grandmom and you are both pretty boring. You'd better pray your girlfriend doesn't meet anyone interesting. Unless she's really boring, too (probably).

[–]GirlWhoWasOnFire 0 points1 point ago

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My grandma (pretty much my whole family) is never boring, trust me we are crazy.

(I'm his girlfriend)

[–]johnnyandross[S] 0 points1 point ago

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We're far from boring believe me. You'd be a lucky guy to be a part of a family half this entertaining and to have a girlfriend as loving as mine

[–]Doomdoomkittydoom 0 points1 point ago

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Wisdom.

[–]Gertiel 0 points1 point ago

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Totally sounds like something my grandma would say. Your grandma is pure awesome.

[–]imitationcrabmeat 0 points1 point ago

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  1. Post Status
  2. Block out image
  3. ?????
  4. Profit

[–]Daskplask 0 points1 point ago

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One of the worlds first internet trolls I pressume.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Your grandmother is very smart

[–]fpsrandy 0 points1 point ago

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SOPA

[–]Learous 0 points1 point ago

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How dare she! That bitch!

[–]cornpuff20 0 points1 point ago

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Rick Perry is right

[–]Bladethegreat 0 points1 point ago

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Call her a cunt as an example of her comment.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Uggz

[–]s0n0fagun 0 points1 point ago

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Why was the image blacked out she is a grandma after all.

[–]irishwhiterussian -1 points0 points ago

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High score!

[–]NotSid -1 points0 points ago

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It is true, I do like this.

[–]Rtpmarine -1 points0 points ago

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Grandma needs grammar lessons...

[–]Rude_and_Sarcastic -1 points0 points ago

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Old people should not be on the internet, they're old and shit.

[–]FaKeShAdOw 0 points1 point ago

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Then young people should not be on the internet either. They're dumb and shit.

THE ONLY ONES ALLOWED ARE ROBOTS.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Did anyone else read that as "this is my grandma's girlfriend"? And was all like WHOOHOO! GRANNY LESBIANSSSSS!!!!

No? Just me?