Spread the word for poor Billy "Smiles" Evans! (The people of Steam)

dell90wattac · 8 months

Oh dear God, I'm laughing so hard.

Tonka_Tuff · 8 months

I played against him. He sucked at TF2.

thaelton · 8 months

"Right now, I can only be third base."

Fucking lol'd

hammer7280 · 8 months

Billy's cat finally tore his head off, RIP Billy.

Geirkrak · 8 months

I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury it's turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

I lost my shit.

Lone_Wolf · 8 months

I saw this years ago as an email forward.

It's always been one of my all-time favorites.

Murrabbit · 8 months

I hope he's got Deus Ex Human revolution on his profile. Little billy needs to look into the mirror every day and say "I never asked for this."

DarkJokernj · 8 months

Wait....we can replace the human body with a burlap bag full of leaves but we can't find the cure for AIDs?

[deleted] · 8 months

This is legitimately one of the funniest things that I have ever read.

BattleHamster · 8 months

I almost believed this, but figured out it was a joke when it said that the Pope is going to give away money.

Oh, you silly internet.

xxkillinzombiexx · 8 months

its obviously photoshopped. Why not just take thier kid and put him in a brown sack how hard is it?

Mother_Puncher · 8 months

Why did i read this in Cartman's voice?

beliefinprogress · 8 months

This is a masterpiece of absurdist writing. Well done anonymous author with a fitting nom-de-plume as you have truly brought smiles to my face.

facecloud · 8 months

ಸ_ಸ

Azarjan · 8 months

I feel like a hipster seeing this on /v/ a few hours ago.

AltReality · 8 months

The moral of the story... Quit while you're a head.

moof77 · 8 months

So brave.

teakwood54 · 8 months

Can someone format this into a facebook esq post? I would love to share Billy's amazing story with all of my friends but lack the creativity to make it semi-convincing.

interkin3tic · 8 months

Judging by my teammates in TF2, there are some kids on steam who have regular bodies and heads made of burlap sacks.

YellowSpick · 8 months

My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. It's a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.

I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said no one hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy" and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help my if you post this message everywhere you can. Dr. Johansen said that every time this message is posted, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.

Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

Thank You, Billy "Smiles" Evans

jpw1510 · 8 months

lik dis if you cry evrytime

DoubleStuffedCheezIt · 8 months

Well at least he's gotten to third base.

OnTheBorderOfReality · 8 months

It doesn't hurt, except for when I try to breathe.

purvimatrix · 8 months

I know dat feel.

bbooth76 · 8 months

I fucking pissed in my pants.

disneyfreaksXIII · 8 months

seems legit

CopaceticZ · 8 months

This is like so offensive to people who were born without bodies. I'm offended.

Atario · 8 months

Ctrl+F "Lil' Brudder"

I am disappoint. :(

ShallowBasketcase · 8 months

I hope he has TF2 on his profile. He can still wear hats with only a head!

Kinglink · 8 months

Seriously WTF?

Why doesn't he get some other material to cover his body with? Burlap apparently it is an allergy of his mom's so why not get some better material.

ForgettableUsername · 8 months

Snopes disproved this years ago.

DarthPlagiarist · 8 months

False. Due to Tuvalu's socialised medicine, the fact he received only a burlap sack was not a result of his insurance status. Rather, we must assume all Tuvaluan bodiless children are offered only the burlap sack.

SevTreDuece · 8 months

Right now i can only be third base

Herborist · 8 months

Hold on, hold on, hold on. You're trying to pull a fast one on me, but I see right through your plans.

NASA isn't real. Nice try, though.

Ghundra · 8 months

He must win every potate-sack race ever.

I_call_it_dookie · 8 months

WHY THE FUCK DO SO MANY PEOPLE UPLOAD IMAGE FILES SO LARGE THAT I HAVE TO SCROLL MY GOD DAMNED MOUSE LIKE I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON GOOGLE EARTH? I'M ON THE INTERNET, I'M LAZY, DON'T MAKE ME SCROLL BACK AND FORTH LIKE I'M READING THE TORAH OR SOME BULLSHIT.

Sorry for computer yelling. It's been a long day.

Mackinstyle · 8 months

Lost it at third base.

thebraus · 8 months

haha, had to repost to facespace....

OpticalReality · 8 months

Haven't laughed so hard in a lonnnggg time hahahaha.

salemblack · 8 months

I currently have three bruised ribs. The part about being third base made me laugh so hard I was actually in worse pain. Somehow this felt right.

Play3r_ftw · 8 months

In the time it took me to read that, the post had received 200 more upvotes.

[deleted] · 8 months

I have never laughed at this kinds of posts before. I found it hilarious.

Srezic · 8 months

Thanks for the Chinatown reference Billy!

neverender · 8 months

That Bill Gates Will is a pretty decent guy.

Lesentic · 8 months

I am upset because I have no one to show this to, my friends don't appreciate things like this.

BootstrapBuckaroo · 8 months

Hot coffee squirting through sinus, it burns, I laugh, IT BURNS!

tme001 · 8 months

Fucking hilarious, but it has nothing to do with gaming.

afjamg88 · 8 months

My reaction

6DemonBag · 8 months

I was sure this was Andy Anderson and J.D. had just rolled him of the diving board into the swimming hole.

mynamepickle · 8 months

upvote dis if u cry every time

GHNASHER · 8 months

i guess i could get you some matches or lighters for that bag of yours billy

AKBiking · 8 months

This was very funny.

bolt_krank · 8 months

Can't wait to see this doing the rounds on FB.

MiroslavPetrov · 8 months

How does a Tuvaluan afford a burlap sack body?

Planet-man · 8 months

Tragically six months from now Billy will have a completed body, but will inexplicably have been given a pair of scissor-hands.

s1500 · 8 months

Of all the urban legends over the years, this one is my favorite. And now he has a picture.

WhatTheFlux1 · 8 months

Oh my gosh I'm crying. Owwww my sides. I'd be okay dying from laughing this hard.

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