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[–]aceist 79 points80 points ago

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Woody Allen is a fucking genius.

Such a shame that people will always be like "hurr durr he married his step-daughter, i don't wanna watch his movies herp derp". They are probably missing out on some of the most intelligent and genuinely funny movies.

IRL he is a very well spoken, well educated man. Some of my favorite quotes:

if you don't believe in god, what do you believe in? woody: Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

These are just so ridiculous and brilliant. I was practically on the floor dying of laughter after reading the first one.

[–]She-wolfe99 10 points11 points ago

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I'm a big Woody Allen fan, too! I will admit, I'm a -little- creeped out by the marrying his step daughter (I'm also a big Mia Farrow fan .;;) but that doesn't mean his movies aren't brilliantly written! "Crimes and Misdemeanors", "Death Knocks", and "Midnight in Paris" are my favorites if his works. His writing always seems to the appeal to the more artistic generations of people. I say keep up the good work, Woody!!

[–]aceist 8 points9 points ago

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upvoted for crimes and misdemeanors. one of my favorites.

I really hope he stays healthy and directs more movies. I feel such a deep connection to his works. and i find his cynicism hilarious.

[–]She-wolfe99 -1 points0 points ago

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Up voted for up voting! :D

You know what one of my favorite scenes in Crimes and Misdemeanors is? The part when the optometrist is remembering dinner with his father and he recalls his rabbi father telling him "Remember, my son, the eyes of God are always watching". I am agnostic, but that line just gives me chills whenever I hear it!!!

[–]jonmlm 3 points4 points ago

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Soon Yi was never Woody Allen's step daughter

[–]bananatattoo 2 points3 points ago

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THIS. Fucking wiki i- oh fuck, never mind. Just take our word for it. Also I do believe he has been with Soon-Yi longer than he was with any of his previous partners.

[–]hamjim 1 point2 points ago

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Mighty Aphrodite! With a cameo by Cassandra...

[–]rugger88 1 point2 points ago

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"Midnight in Paris" was great although I thought it should have been longer.

Also, "Whats Up, Tiger Lily" is one of my favorites. You don't hear about it much but Woody Allen basically took two serious Japanese spy movies and overdubbed them with completely new dialogue and rearranged the scenes to make them about a secret agent, Phil Moskowitz, trying to recover the worlds best egg salad recipe for the Grand Exalted High Majah of Raspur ("a nonexistent but real-sounding country"). Genius.

Lastly, two of his books- Getting Even and Without Feathers are hilarious. You'll read both in a few days.

[–]ringthing 1 point2 points ago

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Saw this movie as a young stoned hippie so many years ago, funny as a hatfull of arseholes.

[–]Fark88 1 point2 points ago

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Midnight in Paris was the first of his works I saw and something about it made me have to watch it multiple times. Hadn't really seen any Woody Allen movies before but now I think I need to go see them all. Definitely one of my favorite films.

[–]She-wolfe99 1 point2 points ago

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What a great way to be introduced to Woody Allen!!

[–]yamancool63 0 points1 point ago

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Read Death Knocks recently, and it had me laughing the whole time. I love his style, and twisted sense of humor.

[–]elusiveallusion 0 points1 point ago

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Just FYI, your use of the term 'Mia Farrow' gave me my first experience of the Wikipedia blackout.

What can I say? I don't know the names of people in my life.

[–]She-wolfe99 0 points1 point ago

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Mia Farrow was a gorgeous mid 1900s actress. She starred in such movies as "Rosemary's Baby" when she famously cut off her long golden locks into a pixie cut and that talented d-bag Frank Sinatra dumped her Not long after the cut, she was in "Crimes and Misdemeanors" and she was the voice of the main character in "The Last Unicorn". I adore her.

[–]Jarl_Of_Whiterun -2 points-1 points ago

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something somethingParisHiltonPorn something something.

[–]ocdad[!] 0 points1 point ago

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As a jew culturally, he's bomb. Got a chance to see him perform in the village in the 80s and 90s a few times. Like all brilliance, there's some shpielk.

[–]pillage -4 points-3 points ago

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I don't like Woody because his movies haven't been that great in the past decade.

[–]jonmlm 3 points4 points ago

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Are you bullshitting me? He was in a slump from 99 til about 2003(4 movies) but after Match Point he's been on fire.

[–]bananatattoo 0 points1 point ago

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a fucking greed. This dude didn't see or wank it to VCB

[–]cancerface 4 points5 points ago

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"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"

[–]Recyclebot 5 points6 points ago

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God's final message

: We apologize for the inconvenience.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]AlecIsACunt 2 points3 points ago*

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thoven is a cunt.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]thoven 0 points1 point ago

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Oh...you know. A shitstorm.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]thoven 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, it always is.

[–]HandcuffCharlie -2 points-1 points ago

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Not really if you think about it.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]HandcuffCharlie -1 points0 points ago

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Assuming there is an afterlife, any temporary pain on earth is insignificant relative to infinite bliss.

[–]bringbackhairypussy 2 points3 points ago

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Assuming there is [concept asserted with no evidence] anything is insignificant relative to anything else you want to make up

[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point ago

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Well your statement was a conditional and I made another conditional statement in reply. The fact that you do not think the antecedent is true...Has no bearing on truth value of the conditional.

[–]bringbackhairypussy 1 point2 points ago

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This is actually your first reply to me, specifically. You believe the conditional to be true without evidence to the affirmative. That which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. Also, the fact that you believe the antecedent to be true is evidence that you are afraid to be human and to live and die with personal dignity.

[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point ago

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You believe the conditional to be true without evidence to the affirmative.

  • You are confusing the truth value of the conditional and the truth value of the antecedent(of that conditional)

  • If I had 3 arms and 2 legs then I would have 5 arm and legs....Is true regardless of how many arms I have.

Also, the fact that you believe the antecedent to be true is evidence that you are afraid to be human and to live and die with personal dignity.

  • I don't believe the antecedent to be true...But, you statement is evidence that you are not nice.

[–]bringbackhairypussy 0 points1 point ago

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So how many arms and legs do you have? Maybe you have an invisible 3rd arm somewhere that a popular book told you is there?

[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point ago

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So how many arms and legs do you have?

  • 4

  • If I had 3 arms and 2 legs then I would have 5 arm and legs....Is true regardless of how many arms I have.

Maybe you have an invisible 3rd arm somewhere that a popular book told you is there?

  • Nope.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]HandcuffCharlie -1 points0 points ago

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Ohh...There are religious people who believe simply being good gets you into heaven...Or everybody goes to heaven regardless.

[–]mupingmuan 0 points1 point ago

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Well I believe if there is a god everyone goes to heaven but all the pain and suffering pisses me off enough to think he's an asshole

[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point ago

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Seems insignificant to me, relative to bliss for infinity.

[–]mupingmuan 0 points1 point ago

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But he's not real so let's just leave it at that

[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point ago

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I think we should address terrible arguments, even if we think the conclusion is true. The conditional statement you provided is false.

[–]schistosity 4 points5 points ago

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Better: "There has got to be a god; the world could not have become so fucked up by chance alone" - Edward Abbey

[–]CompletelyIgnorant 2 points3 points ago

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"Sorry, guys, I didn't think you'd take that book so seriously. You see, I was pretty fucking high at the time. That Mesopotamian ganja will fuck you up!"

[–]HoHumWhatFun 2 points3 points ago

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I'm sure we'll hear all about it in Jazz Heaven.

[–]baconistic 2 points3 points ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiA4YWg3YkA&feature=related Love & Death This one always gets me.

[–]mindlessdrone91 4 points5 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

Only two sources on google books, one from 2005 and the other from 2007, and the 2007 one incorrectly attaches it to the end of a genuine quote from the ending of his movie Love and Death.... So, looks pretty dubious.

[–]slipgun 4 points5 points ago

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There is no excuse. Stendhal said it best: "God's only excuse is that he does not exist."

[–]Zaporozhian 1 point2 points ago

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God's only excuse is that he doesn't exist.

Stendhal

[–]SpicyCage 1 point2 points ago

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Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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What's Santa's excuse then too? Trying to get it on with the Easter Bunny?

[–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point ago

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That line is brilliant.

[–]nicholaaaas 0 points1 point ago

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If God does exist, a Reddit profile earns you a trip with Dante and Virgil

[–]ZombieDog 0 points1 point ago

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The Devil made me do it.

[–]fingusername 0 points1 point ago

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Brilliant quote! One of my favorites!

[–]Constam 0 points1 point ago

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Sure he's got a good excuse, it's called free will.

[–]Xdexter23 0 points1 point ago

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You know, there's a word for people who think that everyone is out to get them...'Yes! Perceptive!'

[–]pbcar 0 points1 point ago

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Check out his pbs documentary.

[–]C2H5OH 0 points1 point ago

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I texted the link to this image to my GF (Catholic). She texted me back, "Excuse for what?" Facepalm...

[–]slow_cassowary 0 points1 point ago

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I dunno, but he'd at least have a wicked sense of humor.

[–]yep45 1 point2 points ago

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For what?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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For looking passively upon all the suffering, torment and anguish in his created world that he can't be bothered to even address, let alone fix.

For revealing himself to a hysterical, uneducated group of desert people with little if any knowledge of the outside world only to never be seen again.

For demanding unquestioned respect, humility, loyalty, faith and love without presentation of the least amount of evidence that he exists or is benevolent even by mortal standards.

For condemning those who doubt him, those who love other men or other women, those who work on the Sabbath, to eternal, unending and unfathomable torture without the most distant of a light of redemption, salvation or forgiveness for their victimless crimes.

For being responsible for far more misery, grief, distress, pain, intolerance, despair, educational and scientific suppression and superstitious and immature nonsense than any single, or group of, person or people in the history of the planet and before.

Need I go on?

[–]yep45 -2 points-1 points ago

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Ehhhh, I'm not convinced

[–]dablya 0 points1 point ago

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Working in mysterious ways.

[–]ghebert001 0 points1 point ago

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...someone's got some explaining to do. If God had a mother, she'd be like "What do you have to say for yourself young man?".

[–]skekze 0 points1 point ago*

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He's right. There's no excuse for Woody Allen. I believe a giant turtle puked up the universe btw. All hale the great and slightly befuddled, yet nauseous turtle.

[–]MilkTheFrog -1 points0 points ago

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[–]Natten -1 points0 points ago

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This just became my favorite quote lol

[–]wishfulendeavors13 -1 points0 points ago

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Or you could just believe in God because a smart person says you should.

[–]oakwood1 -1 points0 points ago

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Hey, there's no excuse for being human.

[–]HolyShitItsKhasi -1 points0 points ago

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To let us experience orgasms?

[–]Saerain -1 points0 points ago

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I always thought the quote was ‘If God exists, I hope he has a good lawyer.’

But googling that only gives me two results and I've never seen either of them, so...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ray_quazawski 1 point2 points ago

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You better have a good excuse for saying that.

[–]TheDarkCrescent 0 points1 point ago

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Well said, because then you would have to take in what the Bible has to say about God being completely Sovereign.

[–]HariKari8 -2 points-1 points ago

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married his step daughters u pervs ):

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Spindock 11 points12 points ago*

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Mia Farrow and Woody Allen started a relationship when Soon-Yi Previn was 10. Previn was Farrow's adopted daughter at this time. Farrow and Allen never married and did not live in the same house. Previn was never his stepdaughter, nor was he a father figure to her, and by most accounts did not have much contact while she was growing up. Previn was 21 when she entered a relationship with Allen, she's now 41, and they're still happily married. There is no issue here. Get your fucking facts right Reddit and don't be so fucking priggish and moralizing. Isn't this a subreddit that values facts, reason and open-mindedness. The man and this subreddit deserve better.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Plurple 8 points9 points ago

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Good thing you're thinking freely from the constraints of logic and objectivity, else you'd be downvoting yourself.

[–]mrhardyy 1 point2 points ago

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I'm from/located in Kentucky and, surprisingly, I only know 26 inbred families.

[–]Spectro87 9 points10 points ago

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They aren't actually related. I don't understand how it is seen as nasty.

[–]SnarledMess -1 points0 points ago

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Do you see it as complicated at least? If a person who was a parental figure during my childhood made a pass at me, it wouldn't be the same thing as if a stranger did it.

I'm not saying its wrong. I don't know all the details and who am I to tell them how to live their lives, but I can also understand people's disgust.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Um, no. Saying "Fuck me, daddy" is probably one of the most common sexy phrases used in bed.

Sex isn't a rigid game with rules. Do what the fuck you want, as long as the other person is willing, and of age.

[–]MeMyselForWho 5 points6 points ago

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Albert Einstein married his cousin.

[–]shatbrix[S] 5 points6 points ago*

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Marrying your cousin wasn't uncommon during Einstein's day...and you still see it today in some Asian countries. That being said, it's still pretty weird.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]dannyboylee 6 points7 points ago*

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My wife calls me daddy.

[–]MeMyselForWho 3 points4 points ago

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Did he raise her?

[–]realish 4 points5 points ago

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No.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]burn_the_priest 4 points5 points ago

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You are quite the free thinker, aren't you?

[–]WallaWallaWhat -3 points-2 points ago

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I completely get what all the Woody Allen praise is about and still find his writing to be shallow, his movies overrated, and his ego unbearable. I think if one manages to grow up just a little bit, they'll find Allen's work as empty as his store of original dialogue.

It should read: If God exists, I better find a good excuse.

[–]bsd300d -5 points-4 points ago

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For creating a useless pedo ass like me.

[–]MALIYAHPEYTON24 -4 points-3 points ago

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ALL I SAY IS IF ITS TRUE GOOD FOR THEM IF ITS IT FALSE WELLI GUESS EVERYBODYS GOIN TO HELL!!!

[–]ray_quazawski 1 point2 points ago

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Someone fucking ban this guy from the internet!