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If God Exists... (i.imgur.com)
submitted 7 months ago by shatbrix
[–]aceist 79 points80 points81 points 7 months ago
Woody Allen is a fucking genius.
Such a shame that people will always be like "hurr durr he married his step-daughter, i don't wanna watch his movies herp derp". They are probably missing out on some of the most intelligent and genuinely funny movies.
IRL he is a very well spoken, well educated man. Some of my favorite quotes:
if you don't believe in god, what do you believe in? woody: Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
if you don't believe in god, what do you believe in? woody: Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
These are just so ridiculous and brilliant. I was practically on the floor dying of laughter after reading the first one.
[–]She-wolfe99 10 points11 points12 points 7 months ago
I'm a big Woody Allen fan, too! I will admit, I'm a -little- creeped out by the marrying his step daughter (I'm also a big Mia Farrow fan .;;) but that doesn't mean his movies aren't brilliantly written! "Crimes and Misdemeanors", "Death Knocks", and "Midnight in Paris" are my favorites if his works. His writing always seems to the appeal to the more artistic generations of people. I say keep up the good work, Woody!!
[–]aceist 8 points9 points10 points 7 months ago
upvoted for crimes and misdemeanors. one of my favorites.
I really hope he stays healthy and directs more movies. I feel such a deep connection to his works. and i find his cynicism hilarious.
[–]She-wolfe99 -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
Up voted for up voting! :D
You know what one of my favorite scenes in Crimes and Misdemeanors is? The part when the optometrist is remembering dinner with his father and he recalls his rabbi father telling him "Remember, my son, the eyes of God are always watching". I am agnostic, but that line just gives me chills whenever I hear it!!!
[–]jonmlm 3 points4 points5 points 7 months ago
Soon Yi was never Woody Allen's step daughter
[–]bananatattoo 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
THIS. Fucking wiki i- oh fuck, never mind. Just take our word for it. Also I do believe he has been with Soon-Yi longer than he was with any of his previous partners.
[–]hamjim 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
Mighty Aphrodite! With a cameo by Cassandra...
[–]rugger88 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
"Midnight in Paris" was great although I thought it should have been longer.
Also, "Whats Up, Tiger Lily" is one of my favorites. You don't hear about it much but Woody Allen basically took two serious Japanese spy movies and overdubbed them with completely new dialogue and rearranged the scenes to make them about a secret agent, Phil Moskowitz, trying to recover the worlds best egg salad recipe for the Grand Exalted High Majah of Raspur ("a nonexistent but real-sounding country"). Genius.
Lastly, two of his books- Getting Even and Without Feathers are hilarious. You'll read both in a few days.
[–]ringthing 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
Saw this movie as a young stoned hippie so many years ago, funny as a hatfull of arseholes.
[–]Fark88 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
Midnight in Paris was the first of his works I saw and something about it made me have to watch it multiple times. Hadn't really seen any Woody Allen movies before but now I think I need to go see them all. Definitely one of my favorite films.
[–]She-wolfe99 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
What a great way to be introduced to Woody Allen!!
[–]yamancool63 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Read Death Knocks recently, and it had me laughing the whole time. I love his style, and twisted sense of humor.
[–]elusiveallusion 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Just FYI, your use of the term 'Mia Farrow' gave me my first experience of the Wikipedia blackout.
What can I say? I don't know the names of people in my life.
[–]She-wolfe99 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Mia Farrow was a gorgeous mid 1900s actress. She starred in such movies as "Rosemary's Baby" when she famously cut off her long golden locks into a pixie cut and that talented d-bag Frank Sinatra dumped her Not long after the cut, she was in "Crimes and Misdemeanors" and she was the voice of the main character in "The Last Unicorn". I adore her.
[–]Jarl_Of_Whiterun -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
something somethingParisHiltonPorn something something.
[–]fuzzydunloblaw -6 points-5 points-4 points 7 months ago*
Woody Allen is a fucking creep.
Such a shame that people will always be like "derpty der he makes good movies and stuff so I don't care that he raised his defacto step daughter from a young age and fucked her and destroyed his relationship with the family."
I never understood this tendency to forgive celebrities for their transgressions because they're creatively gifted. Do you also forgive Polanski for drugging and raping that underage girl because you like his movies? For that matter, would you personally forgive your step dad if he raised your sister from a young age and then crossed moral boundaries by fucking her when she came of age, even if he later married her? Anyway, for context here's a creepy pic of the genius Woody Allen with his daughter/future wife sitting in his lap, just scroll down a bit.
Edit: Toned down my overly explicit post.
[–]SquirrelPower 11 points12 points13 points 7 months ago
Everything you said is true.
However... if we rejected everything created by morally bankrupt/corrupt/compromised people we'd be living naked in wet smelly caves.
Civilization rests on the backs of fucking creeps.
[–]Uberhatkat 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
Actually, nothing fuzzydunloblaw said about Allen and his relationship with Previn is true. The bit about Polanski was clumsy and slimy misdirection. If this was a conversation about Polanski, this thread of conversation would be relevant. In a thread about Woody Allen, it's just a stupid slur.
[–]fuzzydunloblaw -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
I agree. No need to minimize peoples transgressions though, especially when they're that gross. Woody Allen is a creative genius and a bit of a shithead.
[–]skakruk 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
Thank you for making me not lose all faith in humanity dude, I totally agree with you. Completely aside from that, I think all his movies are crap. Some people are already saying he's basically a Kesha, nope.
[–]Uberhatkat 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
What the does the violent rape committed by Roman Polanski have to do with this? Nothing except to throw in a blatant, idiotic false equivocation. And by "raised from a young age" I think you mean "had little or nothing to do with raising." What you have done, essentially, is present a falsehood in the most blatantly cynical and shitty way.
Check your facts before you commit to being a self-righteous shit. No one likes a pederast, but falsely accusing someone of being one can be just as bad. Look into the history of the Spokane district attorney's office and the lives they destroyed in the early 80s during the ritual satanic sex abuse hysteria. Allen and Polanski are very different situations. You, however, have gotten in line with every vicious, moronic vigilante that ever lynched themselves a outsider.
Allen's actions with Soon Yi Previn don't bother me at all. His movies, however, while containing clever dialogue and plot points fail on many levels in their watchability. Polanski's a much better filmmaker, even though he deserves prosecution for what he did. You are beating the wrong horse.
[–]fuzzydunloblaw -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago*
What the does the violent rape committed by Roman Polanski have to do with this?
Some people seem to turn a blind eye to his transgressions while praising his "artistic genius," same as they do with Woody Allen. I wasn't making any comparison beyond that.
Re-read what I wrote, I never accused him of being a pederast as you say. He did apparently wait until she was 18 until he took nude photos of his daughter and who knows what else, but if you don't see that as a moral transgression you probably shouldn't have children.
It's great that Allen's actions don't bother you at all, but they do bother those close to the situation, namely her mother and siblings who did view and testify to the fact that Allen was a father figure.
[–]Uberhatkat 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
You ignore your central transgression, which is that Allen did not raise Previn and never had the kind of power relationship or close personal relationship with her, as a child, that would make a later relationship questionable.
But you do then attempt to aim your clumsy libel at me, accusing me of being a pedo. So you dig yourself deeper with the same mistake of being a malicious, vindictive piece of shit. This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Stop being a bad person. Failing that, kill yourself.
You're a pleasant fellow, if a little emotional. Everyone else involved in that scenario claims that he was in fact a father-figure to Soon-Yi, so I don't know where you're getting your information. Of course Woody Allen would proclaim "I wasn't a father figure!" but I would hope anyone with any sense would take that proclamation with a grain of salt under the weight of all the evidence to the contrary. This was a good talk my friend, have a good one.
[–][deleted] 7 months ago
[deleted]
After Allen and Soon-Yi wed in 1997, his biological son Ronan Seamus Farrow said, "He's my father married to my sister. That makes me his son and his brother-in-law. That is such a moral transgression.... I cannot have a relationship with my father and be morally consistent."
Tough to find corroborating info now that Wikipedia is down, but there is a lot of compelling evidence pointing to Woody Allen being creepy as fuck. There's a reason this scandal has followed him.
[–]fuzzydunloblaw 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
I think you'd draw some sort of hypothetical line if your father figure for many years took nude photos of your adopted sister and then later married her, thereby destroying any semblance of family structure. I don't think you grasp how fucked up what he did was, to be honest.
[–]cheezy8 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Sucks that you're getting downvoted, that guy's a fucking creep.
[–]mitttheserialkiller -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
You sound like the creep bro. The discussion here is about the movies he makes. Nothing more.
Appreciate it. Everything I pointed out is factual, if uncomfortable. Personal attacks aside, any thoughts on what I actually said about Woody Allen?
Actually, I was responding to the OP's minimization of Woody Allen's creepy behavior.
[–]Calls_people_asshole -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
You asshole.
[–]ocdad[] 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
As a jew culturally, he's bomb. Got a chance to see him perform in the village in the 80s and 90s a few times. Like all brilliance, there's some shpielk.
[–]pillage -4 points-3 points-2 points 7 months ago
I don't like Woody because his movies haven't been that great in the past decade.
Are you bullshitting me? He was in a slump from 99 til about 2003(4 movies) but after Match Point he's been on fire.
[–]bananatattoo 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
a fucking greed. This dude didn't see or wank it to VCB
[–]cancerface 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?"
[–]Recyclebot 5 points6 points7 points 7 months ago
God's final message
: We apologize for the inconvenience.
[–]AlecIsACunt 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago*
thoven is a cunt.
[–]thoven 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Oh...you know. A shitstorm.
Oh, it always is.
[–]HandcuffCharlie -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
Not really if you think about it.
[–]HandcuffCharlie -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
Assuming there is an afterlife, any temporary pain on earth is insignificant relative to infinite bliss.
[–]bringbackhairypussy 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
Assuming there is [concept asserted with no evidence] anything is insignificant relative to anything else you want to make up
[–]HandcuffCharlie 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Well your statement was a conditional and I made another conditional statement in reply. The fact that you do not think the antecedent is true...Has no bearing on truth value of the conditional.
[–]bringbackhairypussy 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
This is actually your first reply to me, specifically. You believe the conditional to be true without evidence to the affirmative. That which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. Also, the fact that you believe the antecedent to be true is evidence that you are afraid to be human and to live and die with personal dignity.
You believe the conditional to be true without evidence to the affirmative.
You are confusing the truth value of the conditional and the truth value of the antecedent(of that conditional)
If I had 3 arms and 2 legs then I would have 5 arm and legs....Is true regardless of how many arms I have.
Also, the fact that you believe the antecedent to be true is evidence that you are afraid to be human and to live and die with personal dignity.
[–]bringbackhairypussy 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
So how many arms and legs do you have? Maybe you have an invisible 3rd arm somewhere that a popular book told you is there?
So how many arms and legs do you have?
4
Maybe you have an invisible 3rd arm somewhere that a popular book told you is there?
Ohh...There are religious people who believe simply being good gets you into heaven...Or everybody goes to heaven regardless.
[–]mupingmuan 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Well I believe if there is a god everyone goes to heaven but all the pain and suffering pisses me off enough to think he's an asshole
Seems insignificant to me, relative to bliss for infinity.
But he's not real so let's just leave it at that
I think we should address terrible arguments, even if we think the conclusion is true. The conditional statement you provided is false.
[–]schistosity 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
Better: "There has got to be a god; the world could not have become so fucked up by chance alone" - Edward Abbey
[–]CompletelyIgnorant 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
"Sorry, guys, I didn't think you'd take that book so seriously. You see, I was pretty fucking high at the time. That Mesopotamian ganja will fuck you up!"
[–]HoHumWhatFun 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
I'm sure we'll hear all about it in Jazz Heaven.
[–]baconistic 2 points3 points4 points 7 months ago
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiA4YWg3YkA&feature=related Love & Death This one always gets me.
[–]mindlessdrone91 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
ಠ_ಠ
Only two sources on google books, one from 2005 and the other from 2007, and the 2007 one incorrectly attaches it to the end of a genuine quote from the ending of his movie Love and Death.... So, looks pretty dubious.
[–]slipgun 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
There is no excuse. Stendhal said it best: "God's only excuse is that he does not exist."
[–]Zaporozhian 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
God's only excuse is that he doesn't exist.
Stendhal
[–]SpicyCage 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
What's Santa's excuse then too? Trying to get it on with the Easter Bunny?
[–]pcnerd37 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
That line is brilliant.
[–]nicholaaaas 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
If God does exist, a Reddit profile earns you a trip with Dante and Virgil
[–]ZombieDog 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
The Devil made me do it.
[–]fingusername 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Brilliant quote! One of my favorites!
[–]Constam 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Sure he's got a good excuse, it's called free will.
[–]Xdexter23 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
You know, there's a word for people who think that everyone is out to get them...'Yes! Perceptive!'
You know, there's a word for people who think that everyone is out to get them...'
[–]pbcar 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Check out his pbs documentary.
[–]C2H5OH 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
I texted the link to this image to my GF (Catholic). She texted me back, "Excuse for what?" Facepalm...
[–]slow_cassowary 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
I dunno, but he'd at least have a wicked sense of humor.
[–]yep45 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
For what?
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
For looking passively upon all the suffering, torment and anguish in his created world that he can't be bothered to even address, let alone fix.
For revealing himself to a hysterical, uneducated group of desert people with little if any knowledge of the outside world only to never be seen again.
For demanding unquestioned respect, humility, loyalty, faith and love without presentation of the least amount of evidence that he exists or is benevolent even by mortal standards.
For condemning those who doubt him, those who love other men or other women, those who work on the Sabbath, to eternal, unending and unfathomable torture without the most distant of a light of redemption, salvation or forgiveness for their victimless crimes.
For being responsible for far more misery, grief, distress, pain, intolerance, despair, educational and scientific suppression and superstitious and immature nonsense than any single, or group of, person or people in the history of the planet and before.
Need I go on?
[–]yep45 -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
Ehhhh, I'm not convinced
[–]dablya 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Working in mysterious ways.
[–]ghebert001 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
...someone's got some explaining to do. If God had a mother, she'd be like "What do you have to say for yourself young man?".
[–]skekze 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago*
He's right. There's no excuse for Woody Allen. I believe a giant turtle puked up the universe btw. All hale the great and slightly befuddled, yet nauseous turtle.
[–][deleted] -7 points-6 points-5 points 7 months ago
men rape, men kill, men poison the food, men lie, men hate.
God created babies, flowers, good fruit and vegetables, anything nutritious.
most people blame God for what men do because they are block heads. they blame God when He gives free will, they would blame Him if He took away free will and forced everyone to be good.
so who is evil? those who choose evil are evil. are you drawn to darkness or light?
there are things that i would want explanation for , but as a man who has a time limit and will die one day, I will not blame or hate God. I will give Him the benefit of the doubt for the things He has made are very good. and if Jesus did die on the cross for sinners, that is love.
i believe it.
[–]ray_quazawski 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Even if you were right, there is still stuff God did, like, that thing he did to Abraham and his son, just to give an example.
But I think, what Woody Allen is actually talking about is, if he is so powerful, why he doesn't help people at all?, free will my ass, I don't remember that being somewhere in the Bible, even if it was he can still help without taking the free will, sorry about being a dick, but your faith its fucked up.
Also this idea of free will its certainly not that good, most people know that, some theists believe in an ideal afterlife where God rules, they know free will can lead to some pretty fucked up things.
[–]chapmantina32 -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
i feel sorry for you if your partner doesn't have 'free will' to love you. get it?
[–]MilkTheFrog -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifn-DAh50X8
[–]Natten -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
This just became my favorite quote lol
[–]wishfulendeavors13 -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
Or you could just believe in God because a smart person says you should.
[–]oakwood1 -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
Hey, there's no excuse for being human.
[–]HolyShitItsKhasi -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
To let us experience orgasms?
[–]Saerain -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
I always thought the quote was ‘If God exists, I hope he has a good lawyer.’
But googling that only gives me two results and I've never seen either of them, so...
[–]ray_quazawski 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
You better have a good excuse for saying that.
[–]TheDarkCrescent 0 points1 point2 points 7 months ago
Well said, because then you would have to take in what the Bible has to say about God being completely Sovereign.
[–]HariKari8 -2 points-1 points0 points 7 months ago
married his step daughters u pervs ):
[–]Spindock 11 points12 points13 points 7 months ago*
Mia Farrow and Woody Allen started a relationship when Soon-Yi Previn was 10. Previn was Farrow's adopted daughter at this time. Farrow and Allen never married and did not live in the same house. Previn was never his stepdaughter, nor was he a father figure to her, and by most accounts did not have much contact while she was growing up. Previn was 21 when she entered a relationship with Allen, she's now 41, and they're still happily married. There is no issue here. Get your fucking facts right Reddit and don't be so fucking priggish and moralizing. Isn't this a subreddit that values facts, reason and open-mindedness. The man and this subreddit deserve better.
[–]Plurple 8 points9 points10 points 7 months ago
Good thing you're thinking freely from the constraints of logic and objectivity, else you'd be downvoting yourself.
[–]mrhardyy 1 point2 points3 points 7 months ago
I'm from/located in Kentucky and, surprisingly, I only know 26 inbred families.
[–]Spectro87 9 points10 points11 points 7 months ago
They aren't actually related. I don't understand how it is seen as nasty.
[–]SnarledMess -1 points0 points1 point 7 months ago
Do you see it as complicated at least? If a person who was a parental figure during my childhood made a pass at me, it wouldn't be the same thing as if a stranger did it.
I'm not saying its wrong. I don't know all the details and who am I to tell them how to live their lives, but I can also understand people's disgust.
Um, no. Saying "Fuck me, daddy" is probably one of the most common sexy phrases used in bed.
Sex isn't a rigid game with rules. Do what the fuck you want, as long as the other person is willing, and of age.
[–]MeMyselForWho 5 points6 points7 points 7 months ago
Albert Einstein married his cousin.
[–]shatbrix[S] 5 points6 points7 points 7 months ago*
Marrying your cousin wasn't uncommon during Einstein's day...and you still see it today in some Asian countries. That being said, it's still pretty weird.
[–]dannyboylee 6 points7 points8 points 7 months ago*
My wife calls me daddy.
[–]MeMyselForWho 3 points4 points5 points 7 months ago
Did he raise her?
[–]realish 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
No.
[–]burn_the_priest 4 points5 points6 points 7 months ago
You are quite the free thinker, aren't you?
[–]WallaWallaWhat -3 points-2 points-1 points 7 months ago
I completely get what all the Woody Allen praise is about and still find his writing to be shallow, his movies overrated, and his ego unbearable. I think if one manages to grow up just a little bit, they'll find Allen's work as empty as his store of original dialogue.
It should read: If God exists, I better find a good excuse.
[–]bsd300d -5 points-4 points-3 points 7 months ago
For creating a useless pedo ass like me.
[–]MALIYAHPEYTON24 -4 points-3 points-2 points 7 months ago
ALL I SAY IS IF ITS TRUE GOOD FOR THEM IF ITS IT FALSE WELLI GUESS EVERYBODYS GOIN TO HELL!!!
Someone fucking ban this guy from the internet!
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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