For the last few years, I've really been enjoying inserting things into my urethra while I jerk off. Since I had the day off for MLK, I put on two pairs of socks, a coat and a knit hat and spent a few minutes masturbating on my back porch while I slipped a phillips-head screwdriver down my shaft.

When I was about to finish, some kids hopped a fence into my yard, but I was too close to stop so I ended up dropping my load and the screwdriver into the grass before I ran inside. After getting some pants on, I went back outside to get the screwdriver, but it was gone.

I considered looking for the kids to get my tool back, but I ended up ordering a pizza and watching 'Hoarders' on Netflix instead.