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all 186 comments

[–]mattesla 79 points80 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Harujion 62 points63 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Zpiritual 21 points22 points ago

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Play with your damn cats people, the internet won't go away but your cat might not be there tomorrow. I know from first hand experience (my cat got hit by a car 3 weeks ago and died) that the internet is a lot less fun without a cat wanting to play. Silly cat :(

[–]goal2004 8 points9 points ago

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My cat is on my lap now, and you just made me wanna give him a huge hug!

[–]jordan853[S] 0 points1 point ago

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give that ball of fur a hug

[–]turbofast 0 points1 point ago

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The internet is serious business. Miss reddit for a day and it's like you've been cryogenically frozen for a century and woke up into the future.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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The only though I had when reading that was "Well fuck Reddit then. Hanging with my cat brah is more important then this site ever will be"

Then I remembered that my cat brah is no longer with us :(

Now I'm sad.

[–]turbofast 0 points1 point ago

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RIP cat brah :(

I know how it feels to miss a cat.

[–]drgradus -1 points0 points ago

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HAHAHA WAFFLES.

[–]BATMAN-cucumbers 2 points3 points ago

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Hah! I knew I would find this one - I've been looking for it a couple of days ago. Dammit, why is ohnorobot.com so useless...

[–]shackter 24 points25 points ago

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Is it just me or are those arms not real?

[–]orionxx 51 points52 points ago

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gr9358qhfn-we089hfndwouebf -the cat

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]orko1995 22 points23 points ago

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A++ would read again

[–]stferago 8 points9 points ago

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What a twist at the end!

Spoiler alert:

*Q!

[–]NewShinyCD 6 points7 points ago

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Best story ever. Chapter 6 was awesome!

[–]SoftAsMoss 3 points4 points ago

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I also enjoyed chapter six. Chapter five was a stunning metaphor for the lifespan of Typing Kitty that I particularly liked. Extremely gripping tale.

[–]SolbrainShatterhand 2 points3 points ago

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[–]lord_nougat 2 points3 points ago

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Better plot, characters, and style overall than Twilight. Would read again! Recommended!

[–]Gneal1917 0 points1 point ago

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The next Slaughterhouse 5.

[–]Crandog 19 points20 points ago

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True story. Friend brought a kitten home and couldn't decide what to name her. As discussion commenced, cat jumps on keyboard. Microsoft Word is open. Random walk across and writes 'ZARA!' - with the exclamation mark!!

Cat is named Zara now, always said with gusto.

[–]Zhabba_Zheeba 7 points8 points ago

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<cat-like typing detected>

[–]Simon_the_Cannibal 0 points1 point ago

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I believe you mean...

@[=g3,8d]&fbb=-q]/hk%fg

Just don't hit delete.

[–]pure-krypton 9 points10 points ago

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It just wants attention.

[–]itsgottabetheshoes 10 points11 points ago

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why do you have a fake set of hands?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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..and how have you trained your cat to love them so much?

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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"I'm sorry, were you doing something that didn't involve paying attention to me? there, that's better."

[–]WarPhalange 0 points1 point ago

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No, he wasn't. His fingers were hovering over the F keys for some reason and all I could see wast he desktop. It would seem this was staged.

[–]insults_everybody 25 points26 points ago

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What an asshole.

[–]pleasurable 34 points35 points ago

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"Oh don't mind me... I'm just gonna sit... right... here... ah yesss."

[–][deleted] 117 points118 points ago

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oh cats... when will you stop being so annoyingly adorable? how can i stay angry at something that cute?

[–]sajisavat 86 points87 points ago

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When it defecates in your bed. But even at that I only stayed angry for about an hour.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points ago

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Well, It did poop in the shape of a heart.

[–]MrJMaxted0291 6 points7 points ago

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A friend's cat once shat in his bag while he was sleeping. He didnt even realise until he had english lit the next day.

[–]Professor_Neckbeard 10 points11 points ago

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What, it was just giving him notes on his school work!

[–]RoninK 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah, I hear cats have a low opinion of math.

[–]Professor_Neckbeard 8 points9 points ago

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Yep, it goes: dogs, vacuums, math.

[–]DeeboSan 0 points1 point ago

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Haha, ew.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

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My cat (raised from a kitten) has literally never shitted or pissed anywhere except his cat litter. Is that horrifically unusual, or is he just biding his time, building up to some enormous occasion when we'll come back home one day to find he's decorated the living room in a delightful shade of "catshit"?

[–]lengthynewt 11 points12 points ago

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My cat is 7 now, I've had her since she was about 8 weeks old. To my recollection she's never used anything but the letterbox. I just assume it's because she's a happy, calm, adjusted cat. So it sounds like yours is too.

[–]jobin_segan 56 points57 points ago

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It's gotta suck to reach for mail and get a hand full of shit though.

[–]lengthynewt 6 points7 points ago

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Haha oops, I was on my iPhone when I wrote that. I hate autocorrect. I think I'm going to leave it as is, I like it.

[–]michaltee -1 points0 points ago

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This reply is fantastic. That's the first thing I thought of when seeing that mistake

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This sounds about right. He seems a very contented little chap, always rubbing his face on things and purring.

[–]somefool 2 points3 points ago

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Mine is a bit of a princess, and used to poop right next to the litter box if it wasn't clean enough, or to pee in any plastic box of similar proportions (meaning: in my clean laundry). But once I figured out how often she wants it changed (and once SHE figured out that she wasn't getting a clean box because she pissed in it once), it all went fine.

I had another cat who started pissing in the bed after my mother entered the hospital. I was sent to friends of the family, and my stepfather kept the cat outside for her whole hospital stay. A very cuddly, affectionate cat. It didn't end well.

In my experience, just avoid distressing your cat, changing the brand of litter and your good luck will continue.

[–]Rlysrh 0 points1 point ago

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The only time my cat pees anywhere but the litter box is when he deems it too dirty/full for him to use and we've left the bathroom door open and he pees in the bath. I don't know why he picked that one place out of all the places in the house but I'm glad, its easy to clean up after him.

[–]somefool 0 points1 point ago

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I got mine as a kitten, and as there were six babies and two adult cats, their litter was kept spotless. If she could have gotten me to change her box twice a day after that, she would have. But there's only so many times a week I can drag back a pack of litter to my flat. Not that I let her box get that dirty. Those paws that walk over pee-soaked gravel then jump on my couch and in my bed. ಠ_ಠ

I now keep an empty, clean litter box next to her used one so she doesn't run around looking for another suitable replacement. But her circling around her litter when it isn't "good enough" is usually enough of a warning.

[–]moocowfuckmilk 1 point2 points ago

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It's the number one reason cats are surrendered to shelters. I've had a long history with cats and never had a problem up until recently. When we brought our youngest home she decided that she would not poop and pee in the same box. If there was no pee in the box, she'd poop, but otherwise she'd do it next to the box. It didn't matter how much I scooped, if there was even one little pee nugget in there, she would poop outside. After having confined her to a bathroom for weeks (where she started peeing in the tub) I finally bit the bullet and bought her a litter robot so she always has clean litter (we had two other cats at the time so this was the only way to achieve the absolutely pristine conditions she required.) That is the story of our spoiled jackass of a cat who is lucky enough to have a $300 poop receptacle.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I think the only time my 11 year old cat has done that is when we've accidentally left him inside for an entire day (and we dont have a catflap). Same with my few month old kitten, except he did it in a plant pot

[–]tachyon534 0 points1 point ago

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Shitted? Shat.

[–]solidcurrency 0 points1 point ago

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Shitting outside the box is a sign of illness, so be happy you have a healthy cat.

[–]youstolemyname 0 points1 point ago

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My cat pissed in my bed once because somebody forgot to refill the litterbox.

Fun tip: Cat piss glows under a blacklight.

[–]bzzzzbzzzfwoomlights 1 point2 points ago

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usually cats who do that (that have been litterbox trained) are doing it to try and tell you something.

like, clean the litterbox.

or possibly that it has a health problem.

[–]vancityoriginals 4 points5 points ago

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That's how I tell my girlfriend important things.... Shit in her purse.

[–]drgradus 0 points1 point ago

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"BUT THERE WAS AN ENGAGEMENT RING IN THE MIDDLE! IT WAS LIKE A ROMANTIC BROWNIE!"

[–]RupertDurden 0 points1 point ago

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My roommate in college made the call to get our cat fixed when he woke up and found out that he (the cat) had pissed on his (my roommates) amplifier (guitar).

[–]TerryArchi 0 points1 point ago

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Or when they piss in your head while your are napping, but i think he wanted to send me a message

[–]sleepystrangekid -1 points0 points ago

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I beg to differ,when I was younger,moms cat would piss and shit in my bed,I would stay mad and next time she did it,I'd find her and pitch her outside for a week.But she is 15 years old.

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 2 points3 points ago

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Adorably annoying would be more accurate.

[–]russiangn 1 point2 points ago

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GOD YES. My kitten LOVES sitting on the keyboard and typing things to my friends like "I love you, will you go out with me?". "NO? That was my kitten, sorry".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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ha! a convenient use for a kitten.

[–]rednecktash 3 points4 points ago

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this person shouldn't be angry since he coaxed the cat into doing it

[–]joeanon 5 points6 points ago

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Im sure the cat does it all the time and he is just showing us. It's not as if cats react well to commands. The cat is doing it because he gets pet whenever it acts cute/annoys you.

Cats are cute.... they know it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Chadderlot 8 points9 points ago

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Oh are you using this? Don't mind me.

[–]Bowi 7 points8 points ago

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Staring at desktop? Uncomfortable watching porn in front of your cat? :D

[–]Renesaga 0 points1 point ago

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The cat closed out of Facebook. Or maybe he did, because he was looking at his hot coworker's profile and didn't want the cat to see.

[–]Logue1021 0 points1 point ago

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I'd like to think the latter.

[–]The_Director 4 points5 points ago

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Freakzoid waiting to happen.

[–]lookieausername 10 points11 points ago

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But it's made of warm

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TCR_A1 7 points8 points ago

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Hands with deliciously warm blood running through them are rooms with heat in the floors.

[–]lookieausername 1 point2 points ago

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Am I the only one that found that "deliciously warm blood" a little unsettling?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Have you ever had cold blood? Everyone I know prefer it warm but I can see this being a common mistake thanks to the horrible writing from Hollywood.

Blood tastes best warm and hacking does not involve pressing random buttons while sharing the keyboard with another person.

[–]lookieausername 0 points1 point ago

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e_e

[–]lookieausername 0 points1 point ago

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The monitor is made of warms

[–]cookiemonstah87 2 points3 points ago

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One of my two cats likes to do that. The other prefers more devious trolling. Such as biting through my headphone cord right when my movie just started getting interesting.

[–]BalancedOpinion 2 points3 points ago

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When cats do this kind of thing, they are exerting dominance over you. You must fight back by grabbing them and giving them a nice cuddle, belly side up so they are in the submissive position. If the cat won't let you put it in the submissive position, it still thinks that you are the slave and it is the master.

[–]xebo 5 points6 points ago

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I had to live with someone who would constantly undue my pets' training by rewarded them every time they did something wrong.

Scratch the couch? He probably wants to go out. Howl at nothing? Oh, he's just lonely and needs a hug. Jumps on the bed without permission? HE WANTS TO SNUGGLE!!

I can understand mistakenly thinking that way at first. We all just want to cuddle with our pets, sure. But after continually explaining how spoiling pets leads to rotten, stubborn animals who sometimes question the chain of command, she just kept on spoiling them. Very frustrating.

It got to the point where my cat was meowing constantly, all day long. I'm not embellishing; Every minute of the day my cat was in ear shot of me, he would be meowing or scratching the furniture. My dog started thinking that, since he had his run of the house, he must have been the alpha male. He'd growl at me and disregard my commands.

It took months to set those pets straight. When the dog and cat were finally behaving civilly, and I rescinded martial law around the house, my GF finally got comfortable again and started to do the same exact shit: Rewarding bad behavior.

I had no intention of letting my dog turn against me once more, or giving him away. It wasn't his fault afterall; He was being sent mixed signals. So I said adios to the real trouble maker, my GF.

[–]Faptasmic 1 point2 points ago

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Ya definitively made the right choice there.

[–]Garrosh 2 points3 points ago

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"No more Facebook for you, sir."

[–]Chrischn89 1 point2 points ago

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Buuut Mr. Meowmers.. I.. I... sigh nevermind shutting off pc and going to brush teeth

[–]navane 2 points3 points ago

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Why is he trying to cover his F keys? Like you ever use them?

[–]TCR_A1 5 points6 points ago

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Because for some hitting the F1 key will cause everything to run very slowly while windows attempts to cough up an insanely bloated help program.

[–]thisspace4rent 2 points3 points ago

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I am going to lie here. Yes, this is the perfect place for me to lie.

[–]fuckratheism 2 points3 points ago

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OMG CATS!

[–]zucifer 2 points3 points ago

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Do you ever wonder how the eff people get these gif's?? Do they seriously sit around video taping their cat all day waiting for just the right moment to post it to reddit?

[–]Rlysrh 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure the cat probably does this regularly and he got someone to tape it because he knew the cat would do it. Probably the same thing happens with most cat videos and gifs.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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its defiitely a key location

[–]sir_spankalot 3 points4 points ago

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Any type of bed will do

[–]skyman747 -4 points-3 points ago

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I never get board of these pun threads.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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I bet you are very font of them.

[–]xdividebyzerox -3 points-2 points ago

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I'm going to monitor this thread closely

[–]vancityoriginals 0 points1 point ago

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<start pun here> mouse <end pun here>

[–]xdividebyzerox -1 points0 points ago

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A for effort

[–]iaccidentlytheworld -1 points0 points ago

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I need to start screening the comments for pun threads.

[–]xdividebyzerox -1 points0 points ago

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Pun threads have always felt like Home to me, I hope nobody every tries to pause or break one

[–]leujin 1 point2 points ago

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Over the last 26 years I have learned one important fact: cats are dicks.

[–]Wakasaki_Rocky 1 point2 points ago

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Who the fuck types with their F-Keys like that?

[–]Arc_Arsenal 1 point2 points ago

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who types with their fingers up at the F-row?

[–]Lohlein 1 point2 points ago

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Is it me or do those hands look fake?

[–]Gakukun 1 point2 points ago

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Purroblem?

[–]flippy439 1 point2 points ago

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I guess fake hands are squishy...

[–]ambushka 1 point2 points ago

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[–]tyktranquilizer 1 point2 points ago

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repost.

[–]PriestValon 1 point2 points ago

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haha fake hands?

[–]langusten 2 points3 points ago

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i hate cats.

[–]moms_are_redditors_2 1 point2 points ago

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I hate cats...

[–]ShermanRance 3 points4 points ago*

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A dog would never do this. That's because dogs are better than cats.

Let the downvotes RAIN DOWN!

[–]GroovyBoomstick 0 points1 point ago

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A dog wouldn't maul a small child either! wait. Don't be fucking stupid, this is not a competition, there are pros and cons to both animals.

[–]ShermanRance 0 points1 point ago

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Try to recognize teasing when you see it.

[–]GroovyBoomstick 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, fair enough, I am just sick of people commenting on every single cat-related link "CATS SUCK DOGS RULE LOL". Downvote lifted.

[–]Freshmakerer 1 point2 points ago

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The cat is like "Yo bitch you're done here! Come play with me now."

[–]PelikanPatrol 1 point2 points ago

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Gee, that doesn't look like that gif from 4Chan's Caturday thread...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Didn't realize I was on 4Chan. I shall close the tab at once and go back to Reddit. I care not for this 4Chan. You should go post this over on Reddit where the masses will upvote it and I will see it.

[–]haleycloud3 0 points1 point ago

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Every. Time.

[–]moving0target 0 points1 point ago

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My wife's cat (all seven pounds of fur and evil) just sits by my chair and reaches up to claw my forearm when he decides my attention would best be focused on him.

[–]MissBenji 0 points1 point ago

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Awww that is so adorable.

[–]Yoplaya1 0 points1 point ago

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tis!

[–]Paxjax 0 points1 point ago

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"I am entirely sure this is the best place to sit. Yep, definitely."

[–]Disasstah 0 points1 point ago

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Creatures of inconvenience.

[–]Kroof 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ikoolo 0 points1 point ago

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oh myspace..

[–]Nile90 0 points1 point ago

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Every cat's favorite place. And you can't even get mad at them either.

[–]Durzo_Blint 0 points1 point ago

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I still think this is one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.

http://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/lq7sp/i_have_to_use_a_decoy_keyboard_to_get_any_work/

[–]not_clever_name 0 points1 point ago

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It's not like the person was doing anything important though, kinda just sitting there with their hands on the keyboard..

[–]flargenhargen 0 points1 point ago

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the cat was just worried that your hands appear to be frozen and unmoving, it was trying to warm them up so you can start typing again.

[–]joeanon 0 points1 point ago

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It's just classic conditions from your feline overlord. It has learned that the closer it gets to your hands the more likely those strange hand beings will begin petting it.

The cat has you all figured out.

[–]fujiman 0 points1 point ago

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Do you mind if... I'm just gonna, I'm just... I'm just, hold on right... Hey.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My cat insists, absolutely insists, that there's something of extra-special interest hidden underneath my keyboard at all times, and will burrow frantically under it when given the chance (and normally during those moments when I'm trying to type an important email)

Even when there's nothing there, he's probably chasing the ghost of a mouse, or a burp, or a cloud, or just some stray thought that's fallen out of his ear.

[–]Magna_Sharta 0 points1 point ago

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My cat does this, but he is considerate. So he lays across my wrists instead of fingers. That way I can continue goofing off on the computer and he still gets attention.

[–]xebo 0 points1 point ago

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"mm, yes, this will do nicely. As you were, peasant"

[–]INHUMAN-Centipede 0 points1 point ago

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"CAT-LIKE TYPING DETECTED, LOCKING KEYBOARD."

[–]theghoul 0 points1 point ago

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Cat nuts on your fingers, there's no greater thing.

[–]r0b0torg 0 points1 point ago

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heard.

[–]crapallthetime 0 points1 point ago

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Cats...decreasing productivity for over 9,000 years.

[–]mesosorry 0 points1 point ago

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It's his "best place"

[–]dmalloy824 0 points1 point ago

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keyboard cat pt. 2

[–]sydneyssss 0 points1 point ago

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My cat agrees with this.

[–]DreaminOfBananas 0 points1 point ago

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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]hamkitteh 0 points1 point ago

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A cat like that comes in handy when reddit is down

[–]cauldcuts 0 points1 point ago

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I remember being on skype with my friend rather often, and every time we talked his cat would sit down in front of the monitor. I have fond memories of "GET OUT OF THE WAY CAT" and things like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO OVER THERE"

[–]iaccidentlytheworld 0 points1 point ago

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Notice me

[–]AaaaawYeeeeea 0 points1 point ago

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I love how kitty closes the browser or whatever it was

[–]toronto_programmer 0 points1 point ago

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[–]andrewbk 0 points1 point ago

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I see that you also use your F keys as home row.

[–]rekalevans 0 points1 point ago

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Stupid cats.

[–]CerealMen 0 points1 point ago

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He wasn't doing anything... just staring at the desktop.

[–]Skulltown_Jelly 0 points1 point ago

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Yea I love randomly pressing the F keys too.

[–]youshallnotpass1234 0 points1 point ago

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I have a kitten that constantly walks on my laptop when i'm playing Civ 5. Not only is it annoying, but the damn kitty keeps on declaring war.

[–]sigaven 0 points1 point ago

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My cat does this all the time. She climbs and sits on our laptops, probably because they're nice and warm.

[–]middo 0 points1 point ago

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Fun fact: Once I was playing WoW, our cat decided to chill out on my keyboard. W/e I thought, what could go wrong, worst case he casts some spells or some shit.

I have no idea how it happened but the cat pressed pressed the right series of keys such that WoW froze and I couldn't CTRL ALT DEL, after a manual reboot, WoW would launch but NONE of the UI elements would show up. So I was just staring at the login screen animation with nothing to press or type. I googled and googled and the general advice was to just run the WoW installer and do a repair installation.

In short, cat broke WoW by sitting on keyboard.

[–]TombSv 0 points1 point ago

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What are you typing with the F-keys??

[–]bs8464 0 points1 point ago

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The only place in the house.

[–]anymooseposter 0 points1 point ago

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Play him off keyboard cat!

[–]awesomesauce615 0 points1 point ago

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what a troll makes every effort to avoid stepping on hands yet lies down on them anyway

[–]jimmytheweed 0 points1 point ago

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Didn't know the F keys had a Bring Cat option.

[–]StrwbryLuv77 0 points1 point ago

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I instinctively knew that this post would contain a cat picture.

[–]JustyWayne 0 points1 point ago

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I think that you might be a little off from home row there, buddy.

[–]jogara 0 points1 point ago

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My X-wife used to do that. I don't get it.

[–]funkbitch 0 points1 point ago

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I really don't like the jerking motions of the hands. Creepy.

[–]Natv 0 points1 point ago

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I still don't understand how I can't be at the computer for 5 minutes without my cat being on my keyboard, but when I'm just laying down he either ignores me or claws the fuck out of my feet.

[–]SheepdogFC 0 points1 point ago

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because fuck you, that's why.....

[–]Jextiven 0 points1 point ago

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In the cats defense, you weren't doing anything usefull on the computer..

[–]OrionH 0 points1 point ago

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His hands are way to high on the keyboard.

[–]looknottothesky 0 points1 point ago

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I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION

[–]Rhainds 1 point2 points ago

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You, my friend, have hell of a troll cat

[–]Sandfox92 9 points10 points ago

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All cats have black-belts in trollin', my friend

[–]ScaperBen 6 points7 points ago

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seems like my cat is a dropout, all it does is poop and sleep

[–]FrankCraft 2 points3 points ago

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But think about who has to dispose of said poop...

[–]AbanoMex 1 point2 points ago

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he is waiting to troll like no one has ever trolled you

[–]cosaga 0 points1 point ago

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Fucking reddit loves reposts.....................

[–]SoulTea 0 points1 point ago

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I would've thrown the fucker

[–]bestmarty -1 points0 points ago

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If not for sits then why is it made of warm?

[–]bodaciousbilly -1 points0 points ago

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Cats are assholes.

[–]drewmack03 -1 points0 points ago

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If not for sleepz, then why iz it made of warmz?

[–]creepingdeathv2 -1 points0 points ago

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May be she likes your fingering technique ... show the kitteh some love ...

[–]SuperFakey -1 points0 points ago

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Fucking keyboard catsieoaw;shfbg/|?ihvbgk/ioawelhka«fs.n.lsljkc«n.z«bjk

[–]tieny -1 points0 points ago

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Alt + f4 Plan is a go!

[–]yourafagyourafag -1 points0 points ago

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Just get rid of the damn thing. Duh!