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all 150 comments

[–][deleted] 143 points144 points ago

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Sometimes when I go outside, I come back inside.

[–]HighSorcerer 59 points60 points ago

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Every now and then I go outside to remind myself of why I stay inside in the first place.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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I don't like the outside, and the outside don't like me.

[–]Awful_Grammar_Nazi 1 point2 points ago

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Well job on your grammar son. I sincerely mean it.

[–]Crazyjoe33 25 points26 points ago

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Me too. But it's because I'm socially awkward.

[–]booooooooooooosh 9 points10 points ago

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Me three. Sometimes it's raining out.

[–]arrowheadt 10 points11 points ago

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And those are some scary looking teenagers across the street.

[–]ex1stence 1 point2 points ago

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I didn't used to be. Then I got acne. Now I am.

Life is weird like that, I suppose.

[–]yeahithinkimgone 13 points14 points ago

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Sometimes, when I go outside, I notice that squirrels run from me. I tell them to stop. I say things like "Hello Mr. Squirrelly" and freeze in my tracks. He locks eyes with me for a second. We both stand motionless for a moment, wondering which will attack first. I study him up and down. Watching his tail twitch. Is he going to drop the nut or carry it with him? Did I just ruin his meal? Is the threat of my existence going to scare him from this spot indefinitely? If he drops the nut, will he ever get it back? Have I just ruined his day?

Suddenly, without warning, he dashes. Nut in his mouth, he rounds the tree. Gone from existence. I step. One. Two. The tree is beautiful. See the bark, colorful, brown and white, hiding life. I see you stuck to the other side of the trunk skittering sideways. You won't get away that easily.

And, you're gone. Darted into the trees. Gone forever into the branches of the sky. You didn't have to worry though. I've already gotten food for today. My clothes will last me for many seasons to come. I already had all I needed. You were a bonus. Simply a wonder to gaze at.

Farewell, my friend. Never forget your surroundings. Some of my kind want what we don't need. It's best to avoid us all.

[–]LOVEpark 0 points1 point ago

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Dat was butiful

xxx~lyke dis if u cry evrytyme~xxx

[–]RetroPRO 4 points5 points ago

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Except that one time.

[–]notsothrowaway -1 points0 points ago

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Sometimes when i go outside, I come back people.

[–]blummers 39 points40 points ago

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People scare me.

[–]aspiringvoiceactor 8 points9 points ago

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[–]tennantsmith 9 points10 points ago

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Holy Crap! When you hover over that Youtube link, it gives the title of the video! How long has this been going on?

[–]aspiringvoiceactor 8 points9 points ago

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Anyone can do it for any link.

You just add the text in quotes after the url within the parenthesis, like this (www.link.com "link")

[link](www.link.com "link")

[–]blummers 0 points1 point ago

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The dad from Honey I Shrunk the Kids sings? Mind = blown.

That song also made me lol.

[–]only_says_Tru_Dat -5 points-4 points ago

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Tru Dat

[–]srry72 10 points11 points ago

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You'll get there little guy. Soon you will sprout into a karma whoring butterfly.

[–]msbrooklyn 19 points20 points ago

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i dont really have a problem with people in general, its the assholes and people who let their kids run wild that bother me.

[–]4r10r5 10 points11 points ago

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that basically covers everyone.

[–]Fripomanic 4 points5 points ago

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I think you'll find that the universe

pretty much covers everything

[–]N4N4KI 5 points6 points ago

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Shutup woman, get on my horse

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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People who let their children squeal as loud as they can for no reason, in restaurants and public places. I understand letting kids be kids and all that, but what ever happened to letting kids be people and applying the same standards for decency that applies to all people? Kids are people too.

For example, if I bought a vuvuzela into the food court and just started blowing on it as hard as I could over and over again, I would be arrested and fined. But when a mother brings her daughter to the food court and she is squealing as loud as she can and you can hear her from every corner of the food court, it's completely okay and she can be squealing until the mother is done eating and leaves.

And coach/air travel is the worst when people have children around. If I acted half as bad as children do, I would be arrested by the air marshal and I would spend the entire flight with the marshal kneeling on my neck and pointing a gun at my head.

If a Children of Men scenario actually happened in real life, I would actually be sort of thankful.

[–]msbrooklyn 0 points1 point ago

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TL;DR people need to control their kids, no one cares if theyre your prince/princess, theyre fucking annoying

[–]ZeldaZealot 1 point2 points ago

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Oh hey, you live in my neighborhood too?

[–]msbrooklyn 0 points1 point ago

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if youre talking about 3-8 kids playing basketball right outside my house until midnight almost every night, then yes.

[–]ZeldaZealot 0 points1 point ago

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If by 3-8 kids playing basketball you mean 20 men playing soccer from 10 am until 10 pm and their 40 most devoted fans, then yes indeed. Our neighborhoods suck. :/

[–]crackshot91 24 points25 points ago

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Red and Eric were basically the only reason I watched That 70's Show.

[–]om_nom_nom 10 points11 points ago

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No love for Hyde?

[–]almightyzam 9 points10 points ago

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Red and Eric...and FEZ!!!

[–]stoneshwar 17 points18 points ago

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Mila Kunis? C'mon man, I usually hate the actor who plays the dumb bitch, but she was an exception.

[–]crackshot91 24 points25 points ago

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Mila Kunis? Awesome.

Jackie Burkhart? Less than awesome.

[–]Ajlc15 4 points5 points ago

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Meg Griffin? Least awesome.

[–]Sonris 9 points10 points ago

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You forgot to mention the sun and the weather. I hate those things.

[–]_xyzzy_ 10 points11 points ago

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Evil day star. We hates it!

[–]barnesandnobles 4 points5 points ago

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More like "I don't want to go outside I'd have to leave my computer reddit"

[–]Notyourfaja 5 points6 points ago

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I hate people and outside, so it's a win/win if I stay inside.

[–]tcjones54 2 points3 points ago

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Redditors aren't real people. I feel safe here.

[–]Cutsprocket 0 points1 point ago

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we're all just fragments of your psyche, you are all alone in the universe

[–]pleasurable 13 points14 points ago

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Additionally, I hate [most] people.

[–]yokubakura 10 points11 points ago

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Thats the truth

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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all of us or all of you?

[–]SlightlyAmbiguous[S] 21 points22 points ago

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All of me.

[–]Dragday 6 points7 points ago

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And me

[–]passwordispoop 7 points8 points ago

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And me

[–]Phish777 8 points9 points ago

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And my Axe!

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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And my foot in your ass

[–]CHEESEONFlRE 6 points7 points ago

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Another reason to avoid the outdoors?

[–]StevenDickson 1 point2 points ago

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so say we all.

[–]Everything_is_lyrics 1 point2 points ago

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Why not take all of me?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Not sure if your username was purposefully relevant there...

[–]SOPA_NO -1 points0 points ago

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And me.

[–]BestOf--YourComments 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Nate0069 2 points3 points ago

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If all of us think that way wouldnt that mean that theres no one outside? But we will never know because we will never go outside to see.

[–]PutDescartesB4Whores 1 point2 points ago

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And on top of that what is the deal with airline food? Why did the chicken cross the road? What's so awkward about that penguin?

[–]dzzt229 0 points1 point ago

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but not everyone in the world upvotes. that old man across the road? the one who walks past his window naked to grab something to drink? i bet he doesn't upvote.

or the teens who live two houses down who every weekend tend to listen to loud bad teen pop music? bet they don't upvote. or the loud middle aged woman who owns the fucking yippy dog behind your house that seems to have yelling competitions with the dog on a nightly basis? she definitely doesn't upvote.

[–]Cutsprocket 0 points1 point ago

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Schrodinger's society?

[–]JamesRicochet 2 points3 points ago

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Eric the Awkward Penguin

[–]orthag 2 points3 points ago

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Socially Awkward Penguin has a name now!!

[–]cobaltgiant 2 points3 points ago

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Shhh! They could be listening.

[–]bordercollieflower 2 points3 points ago

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What's with the random chair on the wall?

[–]michellium 2 points3 points ago

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Speaking of... How do I get the grocery store to bring me my food and supplies?

[–]Piperatthegates 3 points4 points ago

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[–]BenCelotil 2 points3 points ago*

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I don't know where you are, so here's the Australian ones I'd use,

Aussie Farmers Direct,

Woolworths Online,

Coles Online,

Only Oz,

And Aldi lets you browse online to make a shopping list and get in and out quick, but don't have online purchasing.

Edit: Why do I keep hyphenating apostrophe-ing "one's"? I haven't even had a drink.

Edit 2: Gah! Time for a beer.

[–]michellium 1 point2 points ago

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Fantastic. Now I'm never going outside.

[–]ex1stence 0 points1 point ago

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[–]MrFate 1 point2 points ago

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At least I won't be the first person turned into a zombie.

[–]dripdripdrop 1 point2 points ago

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:)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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you know, i just posted about my diagnosed social phobia, but i'm starting to think it's a requirement on reddit.

[–]SenTedStevens 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe you do, you shut in. I go outside. In fact, I just came back from "the outside." It's nice, you should try it once in a while.

[–]raddat 1 point2 points ago

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Not all of us have social anxiety disorder...

[–]a2ram 1 point2 points ago

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Are you misanthropic or introverted?

[–]Giroro_Gocho 1 point2 points ago

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This is pretty every argument with my mom every time she ask me to do something.

[–]faerber 1 point2 points ago

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This is great!

[–]Bunny_Killer 1 point2 points ago

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I miss this show so much.. man tears are being shed

[–]SilentHopes 0 points1 point ago

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You do realize you can still watch this show? Pretty sure its on Nick @ Nite, or one of those corporate 'murican programnations!

[–]UnknownArchive 1 point2 points ago

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Anyone seeking more info might also check here:

title comnts points age /r/
Some folks just don't understand. 103coms 880pts 6mos pics

source: karmadecay

[–]gimpnax 1 point2 points ago

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Is the picture subtly animated or am I just hallucinating?

[–]imredditting 1 point2 points ago

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You are not. I wrote out a huge thing and decided since no one else had commented about it yet to leave it. I feel like it is either extremely subtly animated to appear more 3d or just an effect the background has.

*obviously it's not animated, I just felt that way. I did a double take and was amazed when it wasn't a gif.

[–]cmykaye 1 point2 points ago

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Nailed it.

[–]MisfitDRG 2 points3 points ago

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OH MY GOD REDDIT IS TURNING INTO TUMBLR

[–]Deadlyd0g 0 points1 point ago

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I over heard these kids in my highschool and they are now talking about tumblr, I imagine they use it as a no character limit twitter right? Is their no safe places anymore away from people at highschool that are not my friends?! Actually /b/ would just make them cry to death cause they can't take a troll.

[–]Cutsprocket 0 points1 point ago

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/b/-the last refuge for the tech savvy social outcast

[–]ClickItIDareYou 0 points1 point ago

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[–]retardo-montoban 0 points1 point ago

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And that's why I have nothing in my fridge.

[–]RevWaldo 0 points1 point ago

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Reddit shows what it's really like out there!

It's a scare!

You can go out if you want!

We wouldn't dare!

[–]leif777 0 points1 point ago

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I donno.... sometimes I think people are better in here. There are still a few assholes but it's easier to ignore them and they don't hurt my feelings as much.

[–]Inquisitor1 0 points1 point ago

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The internet, the place with less assholes.

[–]Deadlyd0g 0 points1 point ago

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Outdoors? Why the fuck would I want to go out their with the bugs, and the weather, and that annoying bright fireball that got glitched into the skybox...back under my rock I go to browse reddit the rest of the night.http://i.imgur.com/GfDnP.jpg

[–]jking191 0 points1 point ago

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Hey, Foreplay!

[–]sameolddreamer 0 points1 point ago

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i only go outside to work so i have money to stay inside.

[–]bunnyish 0 points1 point ago

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Not usually. It's more like, "I don't want to go outside, it requires moving."

[–]dangersdad 0 points1 point ago

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Jesus Christ I drove to PB I San Diego to tonight against my better judgement to attend a friends last day at work/birthday party. You gotta attend those, right? 12 miles and one hour of traffic later, I was there, driving by in my car. The street was flooded with traffic, there were no parking places for miles, and my stomach flipped from the anxiety of ALL THE PEOPLE. I just kept driving home. I'll just mail her a fifth of vodka. I love her, but people are scary, and she chose the people spot. Fine. Big Gulps, huh? Welp, see ya later!

[–]anon120 0 points1 point ago

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I nevr leave my apartment. People scare me. legit.

[–]MrClean87 0 points1 point ago

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The sad thing is, Reddit created social awkwardness within me..AH! Well..

:D

Where my SAPs at?!

[–]yeliwofthecorn 0 points1 point ago

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This sentence could've benefited from a semi-colon.

[–]Kyle368 0 points1 point ago

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I'm afraid of walking chainsaw narwhales

[–]Inquisitor1 0 points1 point ago

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If I go out there'll be horrible people there, like me!

[–]primeai 0 points1 point ago

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[–]duchovny 0 points1 point ago

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The thought process of the angry nerds against SOPA.

[–]sehrule 0 points1 point ago

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"hey, go put on a coat!"

"why? you know I'm only going to be outside for about thirty seconds today..."

[–]Alsttr 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sorry for being a stickler, BUT YOU'RE MISSING A FUCKING IMPORTANT FULLSTOP RIGHT THERE.

[–]ziggerknot 0 points1 point ago

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i miss social interaction outside of the internet

[–]Cutsprocket 1 point2 points ago

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start a social hobby, join a local club or start playing poker at your local venues. if you are more physically inclined join a sports club

[–]ziggerknot 0 points1 point ago

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yeah its just i feel more at home at my keyboard

[–]Cutsprocket 1 point2 points ago

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I can understand that. How about lan parties?

[–]ziggerknot 0 points1 point ago

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dont know where i would find out about these

[–]Cutsprocket 1 point2 points ago

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try asking in your local subreddit if you have one, otherwise google for Lans in your area or ring and ask your local internet cafe, chances are somebody there will know if they dont host them themselves

[–]ziggerknot 0 points1 point ago

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will do

[–]Cutsprocket 1 point2 points ago

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let me know how it goes, I wish you well.

[–]Teep 0 points1 point ago

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Not for me, I love going out and having a good time, getting plastered and drunkenly finding my way back home while having memorable conversations with the taxi driver.

[–]Cutsprocket 0 points1 point ago

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People I like society not so much

[–]0mega9401 0 points1 point ago

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wtf guys common just loosen up go outside and interact with people...its like my cousin i cant get that giant motherfucker to get off the comp and come get a wings and blue moon! even if its on me wtf

[–]fafafohi 0 points1 point ago

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So much so that I've schedules 4 classes online, it's going to be a wonderful semester!

[–]heretostay34 0 points1 point ago

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Repost from r/trees. Bitch.

[–]WHYS_THIS_FUNNY 1 point2 points ago

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Haaaa it's funny because introverted redditers don't like people, and people are outside so redditers are laughing about how they don't like to go outside! And it's funny because it's true! ha.

[–]SOPA_NO 16 points17 points ago

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It's funny because extroverts are retarded.

[–]DoubleHawk4Life -2 points-1 points ago

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Wrong. I'm incredibly extroverted. I'm notorious for going to a bar with a group of friends and leaving with a new group of friends.

[–]anubus72 1 point2 points ago

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you the man

[–]DoubleHawk4Life 1 point2 points ago

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I'm also a spaz, so unless any of the women-folk like dorks it doesn't end with me getting laid. I still like new friends though.

[–]diet_mountain_dew 2 points3 points ago

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I prefer hanging out with girls. They smell nice and are soft. Unfortunately it means I have to dress like a metro, and endure girl talk..... but hey. Girls make the ultimate wingmen

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]diet_mountain_dew 0 points1 point ago

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It works man. I discovered it my senior year of HS. I went from being a hs wrestler to a college cheerleader, but it paid off. I am average looking. I am a bit of an asshole. And I can get a bit rowdy, but making friends with girls (and I mean that, just friends, dont push it) is the secret to meeting women.

[–]michellium 2 points3 points ago

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Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.

[–]JackedIn 0 points1 point ago

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Thats great, just keep being who you are.

[–]nickxero 0 points1 point ago

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Oh I have totally heard about you Notorious Cool Reddit Poster!

[–]AwesomeArabDude -1 points0 points ago

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this.

[–]dohaeris -1 points0 points ago

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The grammar! It burns

[–]Apollinaire131 -1 points0 points ago

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Outside is nice. People are fun. You guys should try it sometime.

[–]denim-chicken -2 points-1 points ago

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yeah....no.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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I like people.

[–]ridethestick -2 points-1 points ago

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This thread is really awful.

First off, that is just a fucking picture with text on it (the picture has no real purpose), which reiterates something ALL the redditors already know. There's really nothing original or "funny" in this.

And secondly, the comments are either from people who just repeat the same jokes that were already stated, or from people who try to brag "yo bro, I got teh swagzz".

All in all, incredibly awful.

[–]dr_dickhead -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not all of us our social out casts here. Just the majority. I don't care if you downvote but you all know it's true, or a post like this wouldn't have gone to the front page.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]pleasurable 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Im about to go downtown Miami by myself

You're a loser bro

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

NO. People like YOU give Reddit a bad name.

[–]notbookies 11 points12 points ago

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Im about to go downtown Miami by myself

Thanks, I needed a good laugh.

[–]SOPA_NO 5 points6 points ago

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I read that in a little child's voice, "I'm gonna go to downtown Miami ALL by myself!"

[–]DoubleHawk4Life -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

OP you are really a dumbass. First off, you assume everyone is so bad. Let me point out your flaws. First, you said you were pretty much perfect. If that were so, you wouldn't brag about it, you would be humble and not attempt to gain attention from "no-life’s who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures." Second, you said we do nothing else than look at things on 4chan and the internet. There again you are wrong retard. I in fact only go on 4chan when i have absolutely nothing else to do. I (and I assume at least several others on here) have friends. By assuming that we are all people with no lives you once again prove your idiot ways to us- you cannot grasp a concept that people with lives can also use the internet. Third, if you are trying to prove to 4chan that you are perfect, at least type properly. "but you all take to a whole new level." You forgot a fucking 2 letter word. Fourth, A's are not that hard to get in high school dumbass. It's not a sign of intelligence, but an ability to listen. Good job for using something that everyone can do. Go to /sci/ and get your mind raped by some actual intelligence. There you go; I just wanted to you about how wrong you really are. With all honesty, I really don't give a shit what you say only wrote this because it’s fun as hell to rant to dumbasses. Next time, go tell someone who actually cares. PS. I saw that pic on Google images and it most definitely isn't you faggot.

[–]VeryVariegated 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

STFU

[–]BanananaBatman -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have heard alot of this "outside" What is it?