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top 200 commentsshow all 308

[–]TomConger 61 points62 points ago

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That top photo was taken by me! Awesome.

Here's proof (look at the usernames and date).

[–]prince_nerd 4 points5 points ago

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Awesome.

[–]lurkerturneduser 1 point2 points ago

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Nice shot. Do you have any higher resolution?

[–]akronym 0 points1 point ago

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Royal Oak, eh?

[–]TomConger 1 point2 points ago

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Yes...? There's a zoo there.

[–]TexasBreaux 267 points268 points ago

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Aside from getting bitched out they have a pretty awesome life. They just chill while the females hunt and take care of the kids.

[–]bamb00zled 475 points476 points ago

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Unless they're one of the solitary males, who are constantly having to fight for their lives to start up a harem. Many of them die, weakened and alone.

Forever a lion.

[–]mauxly 116 points117 points ago

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Male lions also kill any young that isn't theirs. That's why females drive them out of the pride at a certain age.

[–]feureau 164 points165 points ago

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... I'm glad I'm not a lion.

Sent from my mom's basement.

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 203 points204 points ago

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Well isn't life so perfect for you? ಠ_ಠ

[–]Mondonater 47 points48 points ago

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Redditor for 4 months... Not too bad.

[–]xin_kuzi 18 points19 points ago

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I wish I'd thought of "bitch_im_a_lion"...

[–]easternone 7 points8 points ago

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Well if we ever have a thread about underground music from China you'd better be all over that.

[–]johnnygrant 3 points4 points ago

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how is the lion thing going for you

[–]kevin24lg 5 points6 points ago

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His keyboard must be gigantic.

[–]brecheisen37 2 points3 points ago

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You have one of my favorite reddit names ever.

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 4 points5 points ago

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I'm flattered.

[–]chingao327 2 points3 points ago

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No, bitch, you're a lion.

[–]flamingeyebrows 1 point2 points ago

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Are you alliance?

[–]marmaladerose 3 points4 points ago

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Well EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE me, princess! Also, upvote for the name

[–]CaptainArab 0 points1 point ago

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upvote for zelda reference

[–]StuporCollider 13 points14 points ago

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You definitely need your own place to kill children.

[–]Persiankobra 1 point2 points ago

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hahaha, good show

[–]turtal46 5 points6 points ago

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I thought males only kill the young of an opposing male after he has taken over the harem, and not just any male?

[–]mauxly 5 points6 points ago

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I have no idea. I just pulled that info from the back of my brain.

You are probably right.

[–]RandyMFromSP 7 points8 points ago*

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Yup, they'll actively try to take out any other lion cubs carrying genes that don't belong to them. This is observed across the animal kingdom, including humans actually. The rate of child-killing by step-fathers is substantially higher than the rate of child-killing by biological fathers.

[–]turtal46 4 points5 points ago

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Don't look at me for correctness!

I'm merely (trying) to recite something I saw on The Discovery Channel some years back. I could be wrong.

It's googlin' time!

[–]AccordingIy 1 point2 points ago

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Male lions do this to get the female lions back into heat, since having cubs prevents this. So the main male will do this after taking over to spread his seed quicker.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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No i think you are both right, just the male will drive off its male offspring at a certain age...and if they don't leave then he or the females will kill it. BUT I was watching Nat geo wild following a especially big pride that had two males, brothers....but once the alpha was killed the little brother booked it. Then a preggo girl and her eldest daughters left to save the babies from the new males (i believe it was more then one).

It was all very dramatic.

[–]Vanetia 2 points3 points ago

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Like the sands of the sahara through an hourglass...

[–]marmaladerose 2 points3 points ago

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Nope, it's for sure any male's offspring at all. Gorillas do the same thing. Source: took a Sex, Gender and Sexual Biology in Animals course at Uni as a part of ma maaajooooorrr

[–]meant2live218 6 points7 points ago

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My brain broke your source into parts and just read "took a Sex" and wondered how that was possible.

[–]Triassic_Bark 7 points8 points ago

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I take a sex whenever I give a fuck. Fair is fair.

[–]WaywardSpaniard 1 point2 points ago

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Imports me nothing; just took a sex.

[–]BonaFideFaith 0 points1 point ago

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By killing the cubs of other males a male not only removes the offspring of another male, saving resources that could be spent rearing his own young, but also brings the females back into heat more quickly.

[–]cultured_banana_slug 1 point2 points ago

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Yep. Females who are pregnant when a new male takes over will sometimes go into a false estrus so the male thinks any offspring she has are his.

[–]DMCoolen 0 points1 point ago

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It doesn't matter the species males just know how to hit the nerve of females

[–]loercase 74 points75 points ago

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Whenever I see people talking about how "monogamy is not natural, we're meant to sleep around" I just think about how it's actually nice to be able to acquire a mate without just one big walrus taking thirty of the women.

Also, these people use that argument to feel better about themselves when they cheat anyway.

[–]otoren 26 points27 points ago

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What they really mean is "in certain situations it is beneficial to use varied strategies for spreading your genetic material", without realizing that there are a LOT of qualifiers, particularly in social animals who practice shaming and who generally are up in everybody's business because they have nothing else to entertain them at work.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, after all.

[–]Pressuredrop23 8 points9 points ago

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If you're cheating with a girl who keeps birds in her bush, you have other issues.

[–]otoren 1 point2 points ago

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I can't argue with that. Pretty sure that'd count as animal cruelty.

Unless you're employing the slang, in which case I'm sure the gentleman chasing said bush and birds might be quite well pleased.

[–]nox_fox 9 points10 points ago

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That argument is pretty weak, as one can simply point to many species that are monogamous. Like Canada Geese. They mate until death do they part. If you see a pair of geese on their own, it's likely that one of them was injured or for some reason couldn't keep up with the flock and had to stop. So another goose will always stay behind with them until they get better or die. Never alone.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]bingram 27 points28 points ago

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Then the one whose mate got shot organizes a huge tactical goose strike on said hunter.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]sprankton 1 point2 points ago

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On the bright side, that makes them an easy target for the hunter so they aren't lonely for very long.

[–]companyShill 0 points1 point ago

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birds are an exception. very few mammals practice anything like monogamy, especially not social mammals.

here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy#Mating_system

[–]a5tr0cr3ep 3 points4 points ago

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read jared diamond's Third Chimpanzee chapter 3. We really are not monogamous creatures if our anatomy is any indication.

On the other hand i have always felt that relationships are so special b/c you choose to be with one person fighting urges out of loyalty which could be construed as "love"

[–]redkey42 3 points4 points ago

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And yet Gibbons mate for life. Close enough.

[–]a5tr0cr3ep 1 point2 points ago

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In chapter 3 it talks about testicle size vs faithfulness. Gibbons have tiny nuts :-)

[–]SapientSlut 1 point2 points ago

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and Bonobos have frequent sex with multiple partners....

Only about 3% of mammals are monogamous - that's a pretty sizeable majority on the other side

[–]redkey42 0 points1 point ago

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And only humans are the most intelligent species.. I don't really understand how that proves humans weren't meant to be in faithful relationships. Mind, I'm not convinced that humans were meant to be exclusively paired. I suspect that there is a lot of evolutionary variation among humans. Some are born more interested in manogamy than others. Just like some are more intellectual, more muscley, sociopaths, etc. Each trait gives advantage over some competition, but not all.

[–]forever_a_browncoat 1 point2 points ago

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Science currently agrees with you regarding the variation of monogamy among humans. The degree of interest in the philanderer vs. monogamist spectrum seems to be related to relative hormones. If you are interested in learning more about this I suggest "The Male Brain" by Louann Brizendine.

[–]loercase 3 points4 points ago

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Actually, anatomically there are features that are pro-monogamy and pro-polygamy. Our testes, for example, are very small compared to the size of our bodies. Promiscuous species like mice have enormous testes, while monogamous species like apes have tiny testes. We're somewhere in-between.

[–]a5tr0cr3ep 0 points1 point ago

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you start off by saying actually implying i am wrong... then you state the exact same thing i said.... perhaps i did not make it very clear.... upvotes any ways :)

[–]crossdog 0 points1 point ago

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Actually, the book "Sex at Dawn" covers this topic in its entirety as well as lots of accompanying research.

[–]Grakos 1 point2 points ago

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I don't think the people that use developed traits as tips to living life know what evolution is entirely. Yes, this explains why you have that primal urge, but its no reason to satisfy it. Unless the persons has the same motives as natural selection when it comes to living their life, evolution isn't going to be giving them any useful advice.

Choosing one spouse and trying to never cheat isn't what most creatures do, but it is what humans do. Emotional well being is much more important than sexual to us.

[–]velvethammer44 0 points1 point ago

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What you "think" doesn't jive with actual research. There's a difference between science and conjecture.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Also, there are plenty of examples of monogamy in nature. Mostly in birds, but there are plenty of examples of penguins that won't mate after its life mate dies.

[–]SapientSlut 0 points1 point ago

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Considering only about 3% of mammals are monogamous, I'd say it's pretty "unnatural"

[–]loercase 2 points3 points ago

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And what of it, SapientSlut? There is no "natural" or "unnatural." Every species is trying to do one thing: maximize the dispersal and success of its own genes. In our species, with it's colossal 18 year larval stage, it is disadvantageous to produce offspring that cannot be cared for - they will die. Considering the timespan, it is best to find ways of caring for our offspring for their full developmental time. This has resulted in mated pairs that tend to stay together for the duration it takes to raise a child. In our hypercomplex social environment, there are many other advantages of staying with another, not the least of which is that human social systems have formed ways of socially fomalizing this bond, calling it marriage.

[–]TylerKeys 1 point2 points ago

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And then if they're successful acquiring their own pride, they are kicked out of it a few years later by a younger, stronger lion. Then they wander alone til they die, too.

[–]fiat_lux_ 0 points1 point ago

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The same kind of thought/sympathy should be afforded to human males. A lot of postmodernists will complain about the past, patriarchal societies, chauvinism, and women in general being shafted.

In reality, the vast majority of men weren't kings. They lived super shitty short lives, often as virgins/eunuchs (nuts cut off).

[–]badgerfish 0 points1 point ago

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forever a loin

[–]fucking_leverpostej 13 points14 points ago

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[–]Sparklepants1 15 points16 points ago

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Yeah but their penises are barbed and cause extreme discomfort to the female which is why she tosses them off after a few secords. Then he does it like 30 more times!

[–]fucking_leverpostej 68 points69 points ago

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[–]oniongasm 6 points7 points ago

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This has got to be one of the best scumbag pics I've seen. Very, very well done.

[–]girlwithuglyshoes 12 points13 points ago

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well, no wonder the females are bitching like this...

[–]WeAreGods 5 points6 points ago

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[–]KingOfFlan 5 points6 points ago

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Those poor, poor cat vaginas.

[–]jaeman2011 7 points8 points ago

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All cats are sluts.

[–]sinenominex 2 points3 points ago

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Man, that intelligent designer is one seriously twisted fucker.

[–]WeAreGods 1 point2 points ago

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If it was really that bad pretty sure they wouldn't have sex 100 times a day.

[–]Craysh 5 points6 points ago

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Aren't all feline afflicted with this?

It's like the male answer to Dentata...

[–]fawker 4 points5 points ago

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and this week, in commonly known reddit facts

[–]seridos 8 points9 points ago

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They also defend their territory from other males and hyenas, as well as help sometimes with bigger game

[–]snickles19 1 point2 points ago

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He bangs his broad like 90 times a session. He needs his beauty rest.

[–]safilionchest 1 point2 points ago

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I am a homosexual lion and I find this offensive

[–]LinkKarmaIsLame 9 points10 points ago

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are you a member of a gay pride?

[–]NerdBot9000 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Dynasty471 0 points1 point ago

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So Simba and Nala were...gross

[–][deleted] 65 points66 points ago

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Little known fact: Mufasa actually killed himself.

[–]muffinmonk 40 points41 points ago

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it was kind of a snape/dumbledore kind of agreement.

[–]goingoverboard 0 points1 point ago

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Wait, what?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Yup, he went to purrgatory.

[–]hazelbuttercup 19 points20 points ago*

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I actually took one like that in South Africa. She kept doing that because she was trying to sleep and he kept nudging toward her and waking her up.

[–]sicinfit 16 points17 points ago

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All he wanted was sexy-times.

[–]EhWardo 4 points5 points ago

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I wanna pet the kitties!

[–]bellarogue 3 points4 points ago

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His face is all "Damn baby, chill out. Just wanna put my wiener in ya."

[–]Vanetia 0 points1 point ago

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It's like my first marriage in lion form...

[–]nurriz 71 points72 points ago

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[–]DarKnightofCydonia 76 points77 points ago

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The second one looks like he's crying.

[–]Immynimmy 43 points44 points ago

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Yes, that only makes it more realistic in my opinion

[–]sonofslackerboy 1 point2 points ago

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That's just their 'sexy' look

[–]blackjeezus 76 points77 points ago

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[–]johnnygrant 9 points10 points ago*

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BOSS

[–]oneXnine 68 points69 points ago

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Looks like he needs to work on maneing up.

[–]newstome 45 points46 points ago

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You ain't lion.

[–]he_cried_out_WTF 36 points37 points ago

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At some point, it's just a matter of pride.

[–]Colonel_Caleb 15 points16 points ago

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He can't stay pussy-whipped forever.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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this is just a catastrophe

[–]axloc 17 points18 points ago

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you ain't kitten

[–]kevin24lg 6 points7 points ago

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I think we need to paws this pun thread.

[–]carpwrist 4 points5 points ago

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can't stop meow

[–]mcmurphy1 -1 points0 points ago

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This is being downvoted but the pussy-whipped comment gets upvoted?!?

Cat-astrophe? Come on people!

[–]maxp0wah -1 points0 points ago

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There goes his pride.

[–]wimwenders 25 points26 points ago

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[–]seekingpolaris 4 points5 points ago

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That is one gorgeous picture.

[–]spinozasrobot 17 points18 points ago

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That's only stage 2... there are three stages of a man's life.

[–]crunchycode 14 points15 points ago

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[–]primusperegrinus 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck, that makes me want to jump off a bridge.

[–]WarPhalange 0 points1 point ago

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I think I managed to skip right into the "divorced" stage of my life.

[–]night_writer 10 points11 points ago

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You know if he had just taken the trash out the first time she asked, he wouldn't have to nag! amirite?

[–]Khad -4 points-3 points ago

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Maybe she should get off her lazy ass and take out the trash herself if she wants it done so bad. amirite?

[–]night_writer 15 points16 points ago

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Maybe she is just tired of having to do everything herself because all he does is sit around and play lion video games? amirite?

[–]bradwasheresoyeah 8 points9 points ago

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I love it when a man and wife find each other on reddit.

[–]night_writer 5 points6 points ago

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LMAO! This was actually me before my divorce. Now I am happy with a boyfriend who helps as much as I do. Life is great. :D

[–]Cheeriope 1 point2 points ago

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What are you talking about!? Every time she hunts she gets a girl's day/night out with her friends! They can talk about the small size of their shared husbands penis, and laugh about how lazy he is. WHAT MORE DOES SHE WANT?!

[–]night_writer 1 point2 points ago

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Well it's not our fault that they chase every other male away! Maybe if they weren't so male aggressive they could have buddies to vent to! And don't get me started on the penis! We only complain because it is barbed. How would you feel it our vagina's were barbed? HuH? Not too great, I'd imagine. Not too great.

[–]Cheeriope 0 points1 point ago

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As a woman, I must say when I found out about the barbed penises for the first time I felt really sick.

Especially because I found out through a book where they were human cat hybrids running around raping people. I was like "barbed penises? This author has to be crazy!". The horror.

TL;DR I read odd literature.

[–]night_writer 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, house cats have barbed penises as well. But big cats, that is a huge penis. Ewww and owwww. And what kind of literature do you read woman!? Thundercats XXX?

[–]Cheeriope 0 points1 point ago

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The barbed tongues freak me out a bit too. Which reminds me of another book about a cat...but I digress....

To answer your question: I do love sharing the the horrors of my library. (Just a link to the author's website and the books. SFW!)

I collect vampire books, and I really love the explicit and obscure ones. This is probably the most explicit one in my collection. At one point a moth man hybrid starts raping people in a blood bath arena. It's really really messed up! Who comes up with this stuff? Well Keri Arthur, clearly.

[–]night_writer 1 point2 points ago

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Lmao!! Awesome! Have you ever read Sherrilyn Kennon? She is a great paranormal romance novelist. I love it. Can't get enough. They are Dark Hunters instead of Vampires but kinda the same. Lots of Greek Mythology and history involved. I have read some weird stuff as well. I will have to check out that author.

[–]Cheeriope 0 points1 point ago

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I've never heard of her but those books definitely sound like they are right down my alley. I'm in between books so thanks for the suggestion! I'm going to check those out right away :)

res tagged you as: excellent taste in books

[–]vince225566 4 points5 points ago

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Maybe he deserved it. Maybe he killed one of her children which male lions often do when they first take over a pride.

[–]dorisfrench 3 points4 points ago

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Well the ladies are the hunters. So I guess they are the more aggressive ones.

[–]Novah11 2 points3 points ago

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[–]CrossTCOB 7 points8 points ago*

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[–]oniongasm 2 points3 points ago

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I am the alpha male! I AM THE ALPHA MALE!

[–]MVCR 5 points6 points ago

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I definitely went, "RAR. RAR. RAR. RAR. RAR," etc. in my head with every frame.

[–]Flyntard 10 points11 points ago

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nag nag nag nag nag......

[–]The_Real_JS 2 points3 points ago

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Takes it like a man.

[–]jakemyers7 2 points3 points ago

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[–]PsiLoCyBiNTriP 7 points8 points ago

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Not giving a fuck: Level 100

[–]K931SAR 5 points6 points ago

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Shows that even in the wild males are frequently in need of correction.

[–]gbgftw 3 points4 points ago

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They are kind of high maintenance aren't they?

[–]mrdrprofgeo 1 point2 points ago

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Is it me or does the 6th panel looks like a child arm coming out the lion's mouth??

[–]scwoptoy 2 points3 points ago

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You... you know that's his tongue, right?

[–]RealSoyZombie 1 point2 points ago

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Is she clawing it? That looks terribly painful!

[–]scwoptoy 1 point2 points ago

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Yep! Reminds me of my last girlfriend!

[–]Nosiegfried[!] 1 point2 points ago

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In my home town zoo, a couple of lionesses killed their lion "friend" by preventing him from getting out of a small lake. The poor lion drowned. He's now in the Natural History Museum, stuffed.

[–]ninjashorty 0 points1 point ago

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Did they have any young they were protecting?

[–]Nosiegfried[!] 1 point2 points ago

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I don't think so. Baby animals born in this zoo were really rare back then. We had a baby giraffe in 1986 if I remember well, and it was big news in town.

[–]Bob06 1 point2 points ago

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The picture with the claw in the tongue made me cringe.

[–]alkane_alien 1 point2 points ago

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In the third to last photo, has she caught his tongue with her claw?

Is that a stupid question?

[–]karottenfelt 1 point2 points ago

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That tongue looks like a little human baby hand waiting for a high five.

[–]I0I0I0I 1 point2 points ago

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What you're seeing is a series of elderly male loins being sent out to die. A younger male has taken over the pride, and the old guy is just a liablity now.

[–]360walkaway 1 point2 points ago

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Fwd:

[–]ADHD_Supernova 1 point2 points ago

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Real gangsta like playas don't flex nuts, cause real gangsta ass playas know they got 'em.

[–]ninjashorty 3 points4 points ago

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I guess if we posted a ton of pictures of male lions treating the female lions like this it wouldn't get this much attention... just saying.

[–]Vanetia 3 points4 points ago

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Oh, a male in a male-dominated society complaining about women getting attention.

Please, go on.

[–]Achrist466 1 point2 points ago

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My mother and father every day.

[–]cottagecheese420 2 points3 points ago

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Simba?

[–]Aitch3 1 point2 points ago

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[–]mishnak 2 points3 points ago

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Anybody else hear "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR" in their head every time their eyes moved to a new picture?

[–]grldg 1 point2 points ago

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doesnt matter, once she's in heat, gonna had sex

[–]brandontoms 0 points1 point ago

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Is it just me, or do lions seem to act more like big dogs than cats?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]mrdrprofgeo 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah but they last less than 2 mins

[–]RodneyFiendish 0 points1 point ago

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As a member of LMRA (lion mens rights asomething),this looks like pictures to me.

[–]amicojeko 0 points1 point ago

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And not a single fuck was given that day.

[–]LumpyDog 0 points1 point ago

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I've definitely been the one in the corner a few times.

[–]atomicoption 0 points1 point ago

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not "Ok, honey" that would involve eye contact. it's:

"Whatevs bitch" waits for her to blow herself out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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seriously though, 3rd image from the bottom, what is that coming out of the lions face? his tongue?

[–]beanut_putter 0 points1 point ago

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That poker face.

[–]XtremeCheese 0 points1 point ago

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And not a fuck was given that day.

[–]BoboBublz 0 points1 point ago

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I read somewhere that to let the male lion know sexytime is over, the female will punch him in the head.

[–]sommergirl 0 points1 point ago

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the male on the 6th picture is like

[–]Murrgazer 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like my mother and father

[–]wintercast 0 points1 point ago

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Watch the movie by diseny called "African Cats". Really amazing video and very beautiful. You might cry. I saw the movie in the theatre. I recomend to see any of the Disney Nature films in the theatre when you can.

http://disney.go.com/disneynature/africancats/

[–]kolm[!] 0 points1 point ago

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Femal animal has bad cold. Male animal tolerates this with patience.

[–]Gabiliscious 0 points1 point ago

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Funny it is that everyone avoids the reason the females are annoyed at the fact that the male tries to mate with them several times a day.

[–]Ritius 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, but when he gets mad, he eats the kid.

[–]triplettjon 0 points1 point ago

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you must be lion.

[–]spry 0 points1 point ago

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It's funny cause females be nagging! Amirite!!

[–]ng607 0 points1 point ago

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This is clear evidence of an unmet need for couples therapy in the animal kingdom.

[–]jeblis 0 points1 point ago

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Been hanging out in srs I see.

[–]architectonic 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Demolin 0 points1 point ago

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Male lion clearly doesnt take shit from anyone

[–]bigmac3d 0 points1 point ago

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[–]iwidiwin 0 points1 point ago

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6th pic down looks like he's about to get his tongue bitten off.

[–]Winsrawr 0 points1 point ago

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Does anyone else think the last lion looks remarkably like Scar?

[–]herpichj 0 points1 point ago

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he must have done something to piss her off, like eat their babies.

[–]rollsherown 0 points1 point ago

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King of the Beasts'? More like King of the Biotch!

[–]zedgrrrl 0 points1 point ago

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Don't mess with the Lioness

[–]Superdeduper82 0 points1 point ago

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TELL ME IM PRETTY!

[–]shew201 0 points1 point ago

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He's whipped

[–]GreenSpleen6 0 points1 point ago

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[–]beliefsarerelative 0 points1 point ago

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I'd be pretty angry too if all the males of my species had penis barbs.

[–]hurtmuch 0 points1 point ago

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FUS RO DAH!

[–]Freakin_Jedi 0 points1 point ago

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Marriage in a nutshell.

[–]nepherrae 0 points1 point ago

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reminds me of my friend and his wife, with this many posts i bet no one will ever read this

[–]antibasic -1 points0 points ago

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Misandry is hilarious.

[–]Boobasaurus 10 points11 points ago

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This isn't completely relevant, but I've been looking for wedding cake toppers and I swear to god if I see one more with the woman dragging the man, or hanging him over the edge of the cake, or posed like she's going to beat/scold him, I'm going to scream. I even saw one where the bride was on top looking over the edge down at the broken, bloody body of the groom at the base of the cake. What the actual fuck.

[–]kisimbi 7 points8 points ago

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Oh, those murder ones are for "divorce cakes".

[–]GoTeamShake 0 points1 point ago

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Divorce cakes are sliced into two equal pieces, regardless of who purchased the cake in the first place.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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What is going on with picture 6?

I was under the impression that male lions can fuck shit up beyond the females when they are driven to. Is this wrong?

[–]twelvefortyAM 3 points4 points ago

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You were not wrong. They're just very, very passive animals, and since it's their job to protect the pride, they're unlikely to kill a member of it.

[–]Craysh 1 point2 points ago

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It looks like she's tearing out his tongue...