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top 200 commentsshow all 231

[–]lillyjb 198 points199 points ago

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You know what I've never understood, Why would a well be at the top of a hill?

[–]Red_AtNight 174 points175 points ago

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Jack and Jill live in a mountainous area with hard clay layers. There is a smallish hill in the centre of town, and underneath the hill is a confined aquifer. No one wanted to build on the hill but it's a useful place to put the well, because as a result of the aforementioned confined aquifer, the well has artesian pressure.

We are talking about quite a large well here, it serves most of the town. People don't bother with backyard wells because this well is so reliable and the water is so cold.

[–]Poncyhair 35 points36 points ago

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I read this in the cadence of the rhyme

[–]JudgeWhoOverrules 21 points22 points ago

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As a whale biologist I can confirm this.

[–]evil_eagle 2 points3 points ago

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I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

[–]finvek 1 point2 points ago

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I'm a whale biologist.

[–]madecool316 0 points1 point ago

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No your not finn, Go home. Your not feeling well

[–]IAmAWhaleBiologist 0 points1 point ago

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Nope.

[–]Gredelston 0 points1 point ago

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As a karate expert, I can confirm this.

[–]juke_the_stats 0 points1 point ago

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As an expert in bird law I can verify.

[–]the_lawyer 0 points1 point ago

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but what about the useless leg bones!?!

[–]Zandrel 5 points6 points ago

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I love you

[–]IcedJashin 6 points7 points ago

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Expert here, all this person says is true.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Are you a geologist?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Probably just a person who plays Dwarf Fortress.

[–]Red_AtNight 7 points8 points ago

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Civil engineering consultant, actually. I took a few groundwater hydrology classes but surface water is mostly my bag.

[–]Titanosaurus 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, well that's just like, your opinion, man.

[–]putin_my_ass 48 points49 points ago

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Shit, that's a great fucking point!

[–]Renmauzuo 10 points11 points ago

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I, uh, erm, maybe the well wasn't there, that's just where the pail of water storage shed is. Yeah!

[–]Dev1l5Adv0cat3 2 points3 points ago

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To avoid fecal matter contaminating the water.

[–]RichardBachman 3 points4 points ago

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Actually, my cousin used to live on top of a hill and they had a well. I guess it depends on what sort of "hill" you're picturing. My cousin's "hill" was closer to a mountain than a sand dune.

[–]devilsadvocated 0 points1 point ago

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It's not actually a well, or a hill. It's symbolic, the hill being age, the well being youth.

That or it's a moonshine still, yeah, definitely moonshine.

[–]whoa-I-ate-the-bunny 16 points17 points ago

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This is cute, and educational, but it won't be in preschools any time soon. "Unfortunately" is just too hard a word.

[–]doobry 20 points21 points ago

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Is that from the same series as THIS?

If yes, is there moar?

[–]Dompkins 28 points29 points ago

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I chase each line of coke with a line of ground up viagra

[–]WanderingStoner 19 points20 points ago

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I can't imagine what viagra, coke and sex does to your heart. Coke hurts my heart enough by itself.

[–]afterbirthbuffet 67 points68 points ago

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I know! that's why i switched to diet. No more heart disease for me!

[–]LessLikeYou 4 points5 points ago

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Cocaine doesn't do as much to your heart as the amphetamine it is cut with probably does.

[–]rxshea 10 points11 points ago

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cocaine is bad for your heart by itself. i'm a paramedic.

[–]LessLikeYou 3 points4 points ago

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I was going to create a thoughtful reply up until I processed lack of caps and i'm a paramedic.

[–]rxshea 0 points1 point ago

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you can tell the beginning of my sentence because it's the beginning. then you can tell another sentence started because i put a period between them. i don't use capitals unless they're indicated for clarification, even in my patient care reports (PCRs).

typically patients under 30 with no cardiac history experiencing chest pain are not having a cardiac event unless they are cocaine users. i'm sure this is true also for methamphetamine users but i work in the northeast and we don't have very many tweakers.

that was way too long. i'm sorry. tl;dr: fuck redundant punctuation, cocaine hurt heart.

[–]IanSlinger 3 points4 points ago

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just understand that if you don't use any caps, people will assume you are talking in a very low monotone without ever reaching your upper inflection.

bueller?

[–]rxshea 2 points3 points ago

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sounds about right.

[–]likearock 1 point2 points ago

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Are these patients under 30 experiencing chest pain typically under the influence of cocaine? Or just users of the drug in general (i.e. may have done some cocaine a week or two ago)?

[–]rxshea 0 points1 point ago

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we're trained to consider chronic use or current intoxication.

[–]implicate 2 points3 points ago

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Not sure about coke where you're from, but it is very uncommon to cut it with amphetamine. Cokeheads are not tweekers.

[–]niggytardust2000 2 points3 points ago

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This is the truth, if it's cut w/ speed it's very easy to tell from the high and you're customers won't be too happy.

Most coke is simply cut w/ creatine or baby aspirin, it's cheap and doesn't change the high.

Why would a dealer waste money on the speed and give the user a weird high / make it so obvious that it's cut ?

[–]IanSlinger 4 points5 points ago

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Seriously, this sounds as silly as the "weed laced with PCP" idea. Why would you waste a perfectly good drug by using it to cut another drug, when you could just sell that drug?

[–]CC440 1 point2 points ago

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A little amphetamine gives the appearance of "better" coke because it the high hits harder and lasts longer. You only need a tiny bit and you mask the fact that it is heavily cut with some inert powder. Hypothetical figures, take out 20% coke, add 5% speed, and 15% cutting agent and you get customers just as happy with less expense.

If you only add a tiny bit it isn't enough to let you notice the effects of the speed that make it feel different from coke.

[–]IanSlinger 0 points1 point ago

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Fair 'nuff.

[–]LessLikeYou -2 points-1 points ago

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Most people who do coke 1) are not cokeheads 2) don't know they are doing speed because they are not as you say tweekers

[–]implicate 1 point2 points ago

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Not sure about coke where you're from, but it is very uncommon to cut it with amphetamine. Cokeheads are not tweekers.

[–]DJBJ 1 point2 points ago

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Coke releases more dopamine much faster than amphetamine does. Amphetamine is less dopamine but over a longer period of time.

[–]WanderingStoner 0 points1 point ago

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That's why you use one of these.

[–]fknbastard 1 point2 points ago

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practice makes perfect in all things excessive

[–]Dompkins 0 points1 point ago

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Beats being forever alone

[–]PabstSmear 0 points1 point ago

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Doesn't matter. Had sex.

[–]jared091787 2 points3 points ago

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Even though doing coke may kill your dick, doing it with a girl can open doors to sexual encounters that would not have happened if both people didn't no it.

[–]zuizide 2 points3 points ago

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This is very true. I did coke pretty much nonstop for 3 years and it's almost like I lived in a 24/7 porno.

Good times.

[–]dalore 1 point2 points ago

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Actually coke will send blood to your genitals and act like viagra for a while. It will be harder to achieve to reach climax. If you have too much it will cause too much adrenaline to be released which will kill your erection.

[–]jokr004 5 points6 points ago

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Am I the only one that doesn't have trouble getting hard on uppers?

[–]dormetheus 30 points31 points ago

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You must not need much blood to fill up!

[–]jokr004 14 points15 points ago

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Oh you :P

[–]Safda 2 points3 points ago

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It really depends. I'm fine on MDMA, and Speed usually. It's pretty hit and miss though.

[–]jokr004 2 points3 points ago

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I can always manage to get it up, but with the more serotonergic drugs like MDMA/cathinones 9 times out of 10 nothings coming out. Though I think that's more of an attention issue than anything else haha

[–]Cracktacular503 1 point2 points ago

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Nope, only after a shitload of continual usage. But by that time I already feel like a zombie

[–]niggytardust2000 0 points1 point ago

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nope... some people love sex on uppers because you can get it up , but it makes it harder to cum.

It affects everyone differently... I think basically there is a fine line between raging speed boner and can't get it up.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]abdoolio 4 points5 points ago

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It makes you Jewish.

[–]SammyD1st 1 point2 points ago

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Really want to know what was deleted.

[–]abdoolio 1 point2 points ago

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He asked if snorting Viagra worked...

[–]actlikeyoudontknowme 0 points1 point ago

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Someone's been watching Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down?

[–]DeepRoast 60 points61 points ago

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My grandpa told me this a long time ago:

Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down with Two fifty.

[–]darkscout 59 points60 points ago

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Jack and Jill went up a hill.

To fetch a pail of water.

Silly Jill forgot her pill.

And now they have a daughter.

[–]AwesomeLlama 30 points31 points ago

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This is the version I heard as a child:
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana.
Jack got high, unzipped his fly and asked her is she wanna.
Jill said yes, unzipped her dress and then they had some fun.
But stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

[–]NOREDDITNO 22 points23 points ago

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interesting childhood you got there.

[–]AwesomeLlama 2 points3 points ago

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I actually had no idea what marijuana was at the time, but I thought the ending was funny.

[–]Wondering_Wandering 3 points4 points ago

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The cadence in this is all over the place.

[–]Gredelston 1 point2 points ago

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I heard it with silly Jill. Scans a little better.

[–]niggytardust2000 -2 points-1 points ago

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Sounds like hippie era beat poem... u from the west coast homie ?

[–]iam100125 57 points58 points ago

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Your grandpa was Andrew Dice Clay? Cool.

[–]Osthato 22 points23 points ago

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to meet the Loch Ness Monster.

Something something tree fiddy.

[–]w2tpmf 2 points3 points ago

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Its from Andrew Dice Clay's standup.

[–]doubleUngood 0 points1 point ago

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Little boy blew....

[–]w2tpmf 1 point2 points ago

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...cuz he needed da money! HO!

[–]PullOutBoy 2 points3 points ago

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Andrew douche clay

[–]bobbieluvsya 1 point2 points ago

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I heard that somewhere, only it ended with "...do you think they went for water?"

[–]TheTritium 1 point2 points ago

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Sho it wasn't wasn't tree fiddy?

[–]PitBullFan -1 points0 points ago

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That fuckin' whore!!

[–]dan420 48 points49 points ago

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I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!

[–]zach_fell 13 points14 points ago

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Lol, you don't even need the picture to get upvotes anymore.

[–]dan420 -3 points-2 points ago

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I saw the picture, just like I've seen it 20 times before.

[–]jodaro 1 point2 points ago

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only 20?

[–]mdk2all 2 points3 points ago

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Today I was reminded the bear still fucking loves cocaine.

[–]rschnell 32 points33 points ago

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My boner is so hard when I do coke that it grows more boners.

[–]TackyOnBeans 9 points10 points ago

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Washington. I heard you once held an opponent's wife's hand in a jar of acid... at a party.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I heard motherfucker had like... thirty goddamned dicks.

[–]kelseyxiv 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck bitches, acquire all the boners.

[–]walking_away_ 19 points20 points ago

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I always thought Jack and Jill were siblings! :O

[–]rtilde 44 points45 points ago

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Cocaine, doesn't matter.

[–]walking_away_ 4 points5 points ago

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Touché.

[–]1CUpboat 3 points4 points ago

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walks away

[–]ponyenthusiast 1 point2 points ago

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drops mic

[–]Godssheep 2 points3 points ago

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So that's why he can't get it up. It's not cocaine after all... what a relief!

In fact, he kept his wit about doing his sister even on cocaine! Cocaine is not so bad after all...

[–]kronik85 5 points6 points ago

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"there is no happy ending with cocaine"

[–]kevdeath666 10 points11 points ago

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I have been to that nightmare filled land. It is no fun.

[–]lostmydamnpassword 1 point2 points ago

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Too many times man, too many times.

[–]Ricemaker 54 points55 points ago

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Still a better love story than Twilight..

[–]srry72 0 points1 point ago

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I always thought they were siblings. Doesn't change anything I guess

[–]TheVerifier 5 points6 points ago

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This is 100% accurate

[–]scumbaggrandparent 7 points8 points ago

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Adam Sandler ruined the beginning for me. I was filled with horror after reading the first 3 words.

[–]th3namelessguy 8 points9 points ago

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Because all the real fairytales end with the main character boning his bitch amirite?

[–]Sandvicheater 2 points3 points ago

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nothing says love like sticking it inside your own sister

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Actually sex is great on cocaine, but okay...

[–]Aries_Face 2 points3 points ago

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Agreed. All sorts of crazy shit can happen. Makes for the fun kinds of sex.

[–]udderjuice 2 points3 points ago

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That little story is inaccurate. You may not be able to get rock hard on coke but you can damn sure get hard enough to get your groove on with your female.

[–]Piratiko 5 points6 points ago

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Aesop. Not even once.

[–]jbeat2 7 points8 points ago

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More like the ability to not get off.

Never had a problem with coke or booze not helping me get up, it is getting off that is the hard part.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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I can get it up, it's just that when I then try to suffocate my little man with a tightly wrapped latex sheath, he goes right the fuck back to sleep.

[–]spurious_access 17 points18 points ago

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Yeah, I can never seem to maintain an erection while asphyxiating dwarfs either.

[–]stereopump 1 point2 points ago

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Weren't Jack and Jill siblings? ಠ_ಠ

[–]sracer4095 1 point2 points ago

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He was putting the coke on the wrong spot.

[–]DavenIII 0 points1 point ago

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nope had an X do lines of my dick, still got hard, but I HAVE done "too" much (both coke and drinking) to the point I couldn't get hard :*(

[–]sracer4095 2 points3 points ago

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You did it right the first time, actually. Cocaine acts like a topical anesthetic on skin—in fact, my mother (a former nurse) says that back in the 70s a lot of hospitals used it for just that purpose.

[–]DavenIII 3 points4 points ago

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oh yea, whenever she did it off my dick the sex was awesome, I was like some kinda monster that could just straight pump for 30-45min without getting off...she absolutely loved it (and so did I) and then when I did get off it was like that scene in scary movie where he plasters her to the ceiling lol....but it's always a touchy thing...a bit too much and you can't get hard and you are trying to slip that halfcocked noodle in there and it keeps falling out....frustrating....then the "(is it me?) questions come.

[–]G4Channel 0 points1 point ago

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They still do in rare cases, like in some eye surgeries.

[–]sracer4095 0 points1 point ago

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Huh. The more things change…

[–]LectricVersion 1 point2 points ago

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It doesn't even RHYME.

Seriously, how the fuck are we supposed to take this advert seriously when it doesn't rhyme?

I've forgotten what it says already. Something about Pepsi?

[–]pacofvf 1 point2 points ago

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Still a better story than Twilight

[–]pmartin1 1 point2 points ago

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Cocaine's a hell of a drug!

[–]ToucheCostMart 1 point2 points ago

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WAIT. So, being too high on coke to get an erection with some sexy slut is NOT the preferred alternative to falling down the hill and fracturing your skull?

Hmmm. Yeah, I guess I would rather have permanent brain damage than be embarrassed for a little while.

[–]Lots42 1 point2 points ago

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Jim, does your tongue still work?

[–]CptJang0 1 point2 points ago

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COCAINE IS A HELL OF A DRUG!!!111

[–]natetan 1 point2 points ago

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This reminds me of the time I was at a Tom Petty concert and this guy comes out with his belt unbuckled and puts his hands in the air and scream ,"THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER CUMMED ON COKE!"

[–]ShinshinRenma 1 point2 points ago

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God damn you people know a lot about drugs.

[–]Typhun 1 point2 points ago

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If Jack had cocaine and injected it into the dorsal vein of his penis, he could maintain an erection. In fact, he would maintain it so long that his penis would fall off because cocaine is a vasoconstrictor. The dorsal vein would be constricted, not allowing blood to escape his penis. It would clot up in the vein, and block exiting blood flow. Consequently, this is also a problem for men with sickle cell anemia. The blood cells can get hooked in the dorsal vein, and cause the same issue as a cocaine injection to the penis.

[–]niggytardust2000 0 points1 point ago

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which side is dorsal on the penis ? fuck you , now I'm going to have to google that.

[–]FomorianKing 1 point2 points ago

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Except that the actual story ends with Jack breaking his skull open after falling down the hill anyway. No fairytale there.

[–]foxinHI 1 point2 points ago

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My experiences have been the exact opposite. It may take me a lot longer to finish, but that is not a bad thing.

[–]PARADOXANAX 1 point2 points ago

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Personally would much rather enjoy the euphoria from drugs than the two and a half second, if that, ejaculatory euphoria.

Do another line Jack, much better for you emotionally, and will probably cost you less in the long run.

[–]Idontcaremuch 1 point2 points ago

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false. It's more like jack can't get rid of his erection no matter how hard he tries, and woke up in the next night with blue balls.

[–]xbacchusx 1 point2 points ago

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More like, no matter how many hours Jack tried he could never reach a happy ending.

[–]wheredallthesyrupgo 3 points4 points ago

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Never ever had a problem maintaing an erection on cocaine. NEVER.

[–]RaygunWizzle 1 point2 points ago

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Shit I fuck like a beast on just the right amount of blow and booze... Getting off is the hard part. Chick has tons of fun, I start getting bored after a bit. Unless they are into getting weird... in which case it gets really interesting....

[–]tyrannicalteabagger 1 point2 points ago

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This is why you always mix your cocaine with a little bit of molly!

[–]WanderingStoner 5 points6 points ago

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Sugar flipping is nice but molly doesn't make you hard either.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Truth. It's one of life's cruel tricks that something which makes you so horny and sensitive also inhibits your ability to see the job through.

[–]tyrannicalteabagger 2 points3 points ago

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I will have to disagree with you here sir, I have personal experiences which tell me otherwise. When on MDMA I have never had a problem with obtaining an erection, however, I rarely use condoms as I typically can't get hard with them. I suppose it is the act of blood rushing to my penis rather the molly, so you may have a point here...

[–]WanderingStoner -1 points0 points ago

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If you're really rolling you wont be able to get very hard. I've had good sex on molly, but it only works on low doses or if you start before it really hits/after you are coming down.

[–]CandyAltruism 0 points1 point ago

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take ibuprofen. problem solved.

[–]WanderingStoner 0 points1 point ago

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Cocaine/molly and ibuprofen? Talk about a fast track to liver failure.

Ibuprofen this thins the blood and speeds up the heart up even more. Easily lethal with cocaine.

[–]CandyAltruism 1 point2 points ago

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Should have specified, take ibuprofen for MDMA-related trouble getting an erection. I wouldn't fuck around with molly and coke at the same time.

[–]niggytardust2000 0 points1 point ago

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mdma + Ibuprofen = liver damage too... just use aspirin instead please.

[–]abusive-redditor 0 points1 point ago

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what is molly?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]JewboiTellem 0 points1 point ago

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Rarely pure. It's easier to cut.

[–]niggytardust2000 -1 points0 points ago

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You guys are kidding right ? Pills are cut ! No, the powder is the purest !.... Pills are pressed from powder, and if you wanted to you could just crush a pill and get powder again, magic !

If I was dealing to you fools, I would probably just crush all of the pills I got, throw in some creatine and caffeine and smile and say ZOMG I GOT MOLLY !!!

Also I would sell it to you in a vial to make it look super cool.

[–]JewboiTellem 0 points1 point ago

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Vials? Are we back in the crack epidemic or something? Haha.

[–]endorphiend 0 points1 point ago

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My sister??

[–]thediplomat 0 points1 point ago

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Pure MDMA.

[–]CandyAltruism 1 point2 points ago

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no, it's powder MDMA. Molly is far easier to cut than pressed pills.

[–]JewboiTellem 0 points1 point ago

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Nope, it's just powder MDMA. It's usually cut with shit way more than rolls are, if it's even MDMA in the first place...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]David0673 4 points5 points ago

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tru dat, but after 3 hours covered in sweat i just wanna bust a nut and cant

[–]Mintopia 0 points1 point ago

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this just made me a little sadder :(

[–]GOD_HUNTER 0 points1 point ago

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TWANG!

[–]brumbrum21 0 points1 point ago

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Relevant user name?

[–]Sommiel 0 points1 point ago

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Jack and Jill is a nursery rhyme, not a fairy tale.

[–]Schumi_jr05 0 points1 point ago

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False...wasn't a problem for me.

[–]IAMGodAMA 0 points1 point ago

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Weren't Jack and Jill supposed to be brother and sister or something?

[–]CthulhuEatWorld 0 points1 point ago

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This is clearly a fairytale.

When you maintain an erection, the female is NEVER supportive.

[–]warcin 0 points1 point ago

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Apparently I have been reading the wrong fairy tails

[–]puppyfarts 0 points1 point ago

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It's all in your head.

[–]MuteSecurity 0 points1 point ago

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relevant

is a thread a saved from when this picture was posted a couple months ago

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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But how can't you maintain an erection trying to fuck your own sister on blow? That's like the hottest taboo that I could possibly imagine.

[–]omgitzchurch 0 points1 point ago

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Keep trying to rhyme it

[–]Machtmahr 0 points1 point ago

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Maybe hes afraid of hights and dont get an erection from that high hill.. :/

[–]canadianric 0 points1 point ago

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Wtf, that didn't even rhyme. Worst fairy-tale ever!

[–]melissabj 0 points1 point ago

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That's what fingers are for!

[–]CrackedPepper86 0 points1 point ago

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Did anyone else notice how it switched form past to present tense in the middle and get confused?

[–]iwidiwin 0 points1 point ago

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Sadly I know exactly how Jack feels. From multiple experiences as well. : /

[–]Topbong 0 points1 point ago

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"Jack and Jill" is a nursery rhyme, not a fairy tale

[–]kaylameowww 0 points1 point ago

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Weren't Jack and Jill supposed to be brother and sister?

[–]Firelli00 0 points1 point ago

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yes! i'm not the only one this has happened to.

[–]Tiop 0 points1 point ago

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I cant laugh because im shitting acid and it feels like satan is raping me

[–]exiledinwine 0 points1 point ago

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Also. Whiskey. I fucking hate whiskey. (tastes so good though)

[–]SrirachaSauceMan 0 points1 point ago

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Cocaine must be a hell of a drug if you want to fuck your own sister after.

[–]vadergeek 0 points1 point ago

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Tell that to David Bowie.

[–]stefan_89 0 points1 point ago

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FALSE: A little sprinkle of that magic dust on your schlong will surely erect it.

[–]lizgger15 0 points1 point ago

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arent Jack and Jill brother and sister? Because if they are, thank you cocaine!

[–]darthfroggy 0 points1 point ago

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I tried reading this with the rhyme. It didn't go well

[–]SchrodingersRapist 0 points1 point ago

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Oh come on people, this has nothing to do with the drugs. It is clearly because...

[–]PullOutBoy 0 points1 point ago

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Let me tell you about cocaine, it'll take all your bad feelings and turn them into good ones! It's a nightmare!!!

[–]7laymanc 0 points1 point ago

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lmao

[–]dwellsinzion 0 points1 point ago

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why didn't jack just inject some blow into his dick? Old trick I learned from the darwin awards books.

[–]HouseOfKrazees 0 points1 point ago

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There was a guy I read in a newspaper that injected coke into his dick. had a boner 3 days straight then decided to go to the dr...

[–]SplendidSpoon 0 points1 point ago

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You know what really solves this problem?

Being a girl.

[–]cobaltgiant 0 points1 point ago

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That's the saddest thing I've ever seen.

[–]sndwsn 0 points1 point ago

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No happy ending with cocaine

[–]Cheddarwurst 0 points1 point ago

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Huh, I did not know that about cocaine.

[–]newfaceinhell 0 points1 point ago

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that's bollocks.

[–]bekahrooney -2 points-1 points ago

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I beg to differ. My boyfriend is a sexual god when teamed up with the white lady.

[–]mukeshitt 0 points1 point ago

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

Now they have a son.

[–]Lucky_kelley 0 points1 point ago

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idk, cocaine would be a life saver for all those dudes who insta-cum in their girls when having sex. With Coke, now they can have an erection long enough to get the girl to orgasm but they don't get any pleasure so ya....

[–]tortangtalong69 0 points1 point ago

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I've been there before and it is truly depressing.

[–]theoldpretender -4 points-3 points ago

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Um. Cocaine will give you a boner that you can't get rid of no matter how hard you hit it with a spoon.

[–]DavenIII 1 point2 points ago

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depending on how much you do...

[–]JoyStain -2 points-1 points ago

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Switch to meth. It'll make magic happen.