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Trapped by beach balls. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by knockturnal

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[–]Klown102 43 points44 points ago

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Doesn't the scrotum shrink, making it harder for the balls to 'slip' through the chair? Balls don't change in size. I call bull shit/freak, still amusing.

[–]johhnymayhem 11 points12 points ago

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I agree. When balls get cold, they retract and hug the body as closely as possible for warmth.

[–]DangerousIdeas 11 points12 points ago

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TESTICLE SCIENCE: 1 FAKE NEWS STORY: 0

[–]mszegedy -2 points-1 points ago

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No, it's not fake, definitely saw this a while ago in a legit physical periodical. Can't remember which tho.

[–]jewbacca117 1 point2 points ago

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by that logic, tabloids must be true

[–]mszegedy 0 points1 point ago

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Well, "legit". It wasn't a tabloid, it was something that people around here read often… still can't remember what though.

[–]tyeh26 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah... but even this story: http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/spiders.asp hits periodicals periodically

[–]mszegedy 0 points1 point ago

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That's true.

[–]BaconForce 0 points1 point ago

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Unless you're a 70 year old man in which case the retraction still leaves the testicles hanging by your knees.

[–]yaharon 1 point2 points ago

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They warmed up, allowing the sack to slip between two slats. Allegedly.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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I remember an epic Fark thread about this very subject.

[–]parasitic_spin 18 points19 points ago

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The 2006 Ballsack Conundrum: http://www.fark.com/comments/2018473/Im-stuck-to-my-chair-Im-so-very-scared-Help-Details-In-thread

[–]CheekyMunky 6 points7 points ago

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Came to make sure this was covered. Well done.

[–]HugsAllCats 2 points3 points ago

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This is the kind of thing that I remember?

I forget what my office phone number is when I talk to people, but I remember the Ballsack Conundrum from 5 years ago? /sigh

[–]parasitic_spin 1 point2 points ago

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I also remember "A Mexican Fell Out of My Ceiling" :)

[–]HugsAllCats 4 points5 points ago

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And that was definitely a street lamp.

[–]sidewaysplatypus 1 point2 points ago

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Oh man, I've been waiting for an excuse to tell this story :p

My husband and I went to a bed and breakfast in a small town for our anniversary trip, and while we were there we did a "ghost tour" that the town is famous for. It was pretty cool overall, worth $12 IMO. We did get a weird picture of one of the houses out of it too, there's some sort of weird light in one picture and not the other. When we showed it to my mom she said "looks like a streetlight to me". I know it's not quite the same since aliens weren't involved but I still died laughing :p

[–]CheekyMunky 0 points1 point ago

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Favorite of all time. I laughed so hard at that thread I was sore for days.

[–]sidewaysplatypus 0 points1 point ago

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I must have missed this lol.....goes to google

[–]sidewaysplatypus 1 point2 points ago

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Oh hell yes, I forgot about that. Time to die laughing again...

[–]OJSamson 2 points3 points ago

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How do you forget about something like the ballsack Conundrum?

[–]sidewaysplatypus 1 point2 points ago

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Found Reddit, forgot about Fark. :p

[–]parasitic_spin 1 point2 points ago

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What is wrong with you! ? :)

[–]sidewaysplatypus 0 points1 point ago

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I kept forgetting my login info and ended up getting locked out of my account, and on the third time I decided I was done. So basically I'm just lazy/forgetful lol

[–]anyalicious 2 points3 points ago

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That is immediately what I thought of. I was there for that, man. It was the best day ever. I've never F5d so hard in my life.

[–]itis2bad 3 points4 points ago

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bullshit...balls don't shrink, they just snuggle the taint a little closer...

[–]wayndom 2 points3 points ago

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Bullshit. Testicles don't shrink.

[–]lgodsey 2 points3 points ago

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None of you could possibly be old enough, but I recall a famous Fark.com thread about a similar instance.

[–]parasitic_spin 0 points1 point ago

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Scroll down :)

[–]mocotazo 1 point2 points ago

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This was from an email forwarded around back in 2006.

[–]Fried_Beavis 1 point2 points ago

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So for the sake of argument... did they really have to cut a chair? Why not ice his sack??

[–]simscience22 0 points1 point ago

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i agree, the poor chair was only doing its job =[

[–]CharlieTango 1 point2 points ago

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Biology/health 101. The testicles themselves dont change size at all, simply retract closer to the body to stay warm

[–]FruitPunchKintaman 1 point2 points ago

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Thumbs up for Croatia !

[–]yaharon 1 point2 points ago

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Cool the scrotum, balls shrink back up to crotch, problem solved. And no chairs need to be destroyed.

GET THIS MAN SOME ICE.

[–]Hachibeechu 1 point2 points ago

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I particularly enjoyed the part where the title could possibly have you expecting something much more innocent and way less genitals.

[–]present_laughter 0 points1 point ago

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Member of staff? Well done, journalist. Well done.

[–]absurdinternetname1 0 points1 point ago

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The man was probably so stunned when he first sat up. Than probably proceeded to scream out for help. Nobody would help his sorry ass because nobody wants to run to the aid of old naked man trapped out on the nude beach seats.

[–]croatianpride 0 points1 point ago

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This is actually the #1 cause of death among male croatians. (For those of you wondering, yes we do die if our balls are removed and yes our balls are absolutely massive)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I hate when that happens.

[–]lacrosse1991 0 points1 point ago

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This fine fellow may benefit from the Nut Bra! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zdDfQrPi5Q

[–]simscience22 0 points1 point ago

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i'm still wondering why they fully capitalized 'man'.

[–]dizzystuff 0 points1 point ago

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This is dizzy stuff folks.

[–]Mxblinkday 0 points1 point ago

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This happens to every guy at one point in their life...

[–]EatingSteak 0 points1 point ago

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RE: RE: FWD: FWD: RE: FWD: YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS

Seriously, can we dispense with the 1990s material?

[–]WaspsInMyBrain 0 points1 point ago

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Member of Staff, will ya looky there.

[–]yuwashme 0 points1 point ago

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Come on people. This article is from August 2011 (which is centuries in internet time), and has been posted a bazillion times. No, it's not fake, also, not so funny anymore.

[–]Jarl_Mason_The_Sly 0 points1 point ago

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I used to swim naked in the ocean... Until I got my sack stuck in a chair.

[–]bekahrooney 0 points1 point ago

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I swear this was a plot line in a sitcom once...

[–]tsunamiofhappiness 0 points1 point ago

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How did his balls get out in the first place...?

[–]Sheriff_McLawDawg 1 point2 points ago

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this has been on here numerous times. DOWNVOTE

[–]Pedantic_Douchebag 0 points1 point ago

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Obviously fake, why wouldn't they just bathe his balls in a bucket of ice water until they retracted again?

[–]fulanitodetal 0 points1 point ago

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"Shrinkage" - George Can't-Stand-Ya

[–]zLeq -1 points0 points ago

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Been there done that.

[–]GamerBum -1 points0 points ago

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Not what I expected to read when I opened this. Was amused nonetheless

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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You won't believe the shit I had to deal with today at work...

[–]Jman460 -1 points0 points ago

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I found this rather amusing to read.

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