How half of reddit would ACTUALLY react if there was a zombie apocalypse

carrotpoke · 8 months

Fixed that for you.

Fluffii · 8 months

They'd post on Reddit about seeing zombies, asking what to do.

Or do an AMA, saying they shot a zombie or know how to kill them.

JuzPwn · 8 months

Yeah so, the internet trained me. Kill zombies with weapons, you kill spiders with fire. Duhh.

THANE_OF_ANN_ARBOR · 8 months

I'm pretty sure redditors would just keep browsing reddit.

PontifexPrimus · 8 months

Thanks to reddit I know exactly what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse:
"Lawyer up, hit the gym".

thorsbew24 · 8 months

More zombies = less redditors = more bandwidth = more cats!

Maxmanta · 8 months

I killed a zombie once. Of course he said he wasn't a zombie, but you know you can't trust a zombie. AMA

Gortos · 8 months

Nah, I read the zombie survival guide. But I wouldn't make it long anyway, lack of insuline.

Tokeli · 8 months

His face is like rising bread trying to escape from that helmet.

AndyYankee17 · 8 months

95% of the redditors that did anything would end up blowing off their hands because they have no knowledge in the use of different caliber ammunition.

Legaben · 8 months

id eat soup in can

ihateredditalotalot · 8 months

This image is as old as the internet. What is the origin? I can't find anything about it.

P33J · 8 months

I've always assumed I'd be pretty effective in a Zombie Apocalypse.

I'm a big guy and have gotten in decent shape. I grew up on a farm, I've had to kill animals that were pets.

But most importantly, I'm an insulin dependent diabetic. At best I've probably got 3-6 months of tolerable life left until I run out of insulin that is being kept at a survivable temperature. So I don't have anything to lose, fight hard, try to help as many people as possible, if someone tries to rob me, fuck them, shoot me, you'll do me a favor and who knows, becoming a Zombie may be better than dying of DKA haha.

Uday23 · 8 months

Or maybe all those years of playing Call of Duty and Battlefield was the government's way of subconsciously training internet users into super-soldiers. I'm ready to kick some zombie ass, can i haz a tank plz

velocity010 · 8 months

the second the power is down because no one is maintaining the powerplants the reddit army emerges from their holes and unleashes the wrath of the internet!

feuerkugel · 8 months

Rule #1: Cardio

Skyrmir · 8 months

Sadly a zombie apocalypse is about as likely as someone taking over an airliner with a box cutter after 9/11. Even if the undead did rise, there are enough people that wouldn't hesitate to simply shoot them in the head or decapitate them that it would never become an apocalypse.

Nmb910 · 8 months

DAE see zombies? TIL not to fuck with the witch

[deleted] · 8 months

I had a friend who was a bit on the bigger side, and if there was a zombie apocalypse, I was moving in with him. Awesome shot. Fast side arm draw. Owned an arsenal. Loved beef jerky. Had his own ammo press for all the guns I owned, with enough brass to make projectzomboid cry. Had a good love for the liquor. I called him Timmy Finnegan.

Sadly, he passed on :(

FlyingPasta · 8 months

We'd do a good job too. There's been extensive planning on this.

FightingAmish · 8 months

I expected more under-bed-hiding.

Dovakhim · 8 months

a soldier and a barricade in a single package, the future of any western army

FatHippo · 8 months

the other half would get friend zoned by the girl zombies

psykikduk · 8 months

Two words

FPS Russia

BaronVonDinosaur · 8 months

I just thought of a strange idea for a zombie film. Whenever someone is asleep, the zombies don't recognize them. Accidental drug doses would be rampant. Narcolepsy would be cool. People would struggle to stay awake so they could fall asleep in a dangerous situation.

IMakeIce · 8 months

And Reddit becomes host to the official Zombie Kill of the Week...

xcforlife · 8 months

100% of redditors reading/upvoting this post are glad they aren't in that half of reddit

tablloyd · 8 months

I think the most likely situation would be that about 10% redditors would do that, the other 90% would ask for a sniper rifle and just find some place and shoot from afar

IntellectualWanderer · 8 months

What does the other 50% do?

mebd · 8 months

So here's the question: how long before we'd lose access to the internet? How long could power plants operate unmanned? What about ISPs? If there was a group of brave survivors willing to maintain electricity, would we all be talking to people IRL figuring out which ISP is still around? Or would we all just go back to the 80s with dialup and text-based "browsing"?

I'm sure the "internet" couldn't go on forever, but it's not like the zombies see the cable modem and yank out the cord.

Stenchr · 8 months

"Get squads Pedobear and Trollface over here STAT, CODE DOWNVOTE! CODE DOWNVOTE"

trendsetter37 · 8 months

I thoroughly convinced that a zombie apocalypse would just be fun at this point.

cookiewalla · 8 months

Older then the internets

inthrees · 8 months

/r/askreddit

"There's a zombie clawing through my front door, Reddit, what do?

update: He's eating my arm, really need some advice here."

Langly- · 8 months

The other half would be the zombies, always lurking around.

Sigma34561 · 8 months

The first step in surviving a zombie apocalypse is recognizing that there is a zombie apocalypse.

Tobbeb · 8 months

You mean repost stuff, hoping they would be bored to death?

stephenlethbridge · 8 months

And everyone that upvoted this thinks they're in the other half.

mattmcinnis · 8 months

I know this is a little late.. but the funniest thing about the zombie apocalypse would be seeing the outfits people we're wearing before they turned. I could just imagine a bunch of redditors decked out in some fancy gear. "I'll just wear my master chief suit"

GoZags18 · 8 months

I would really love to know the context of this picture

HaveaManhattan · 8 months

My plan alone: Ski goggles, resperator, chainmail coif, leather motorcycle jacket with plastic plates, leather pants and jeans, machete and hatchet - bite through that, asshole.

My plan, with 50 men - occupy a home depot, build square wood shields, and pointy metal sticks. Teach men about the roman testudo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testudo_formation - proceed to make zombie burgers.

dadiddler · 8 months

If zombies started to come first thing I'd do would be contact and gather a small, strong group of varying skills and bring them together. Leave a defensive fortification with non-combat/scouting focused members in a secure, quiet location. With my truck and a couple friends I'd go to gather supplies. First place would be the local John Deere store. Stock up on rifles, shotguns and ammo. Also while there I'd get a good stock of chainsaw related supplies, as I bet that'd come in handy later. Next, to the local ford dealership. I'd have each person take a vehicle. Baseline vehicles for the fleet would be F350 turbodiesels. Then we'd split. I'd send one to acquire a heavy fuel trailer, and fill it with diesel, as well as a large gasoline tank for in the bed of his truck. Another to acquire an enclosed, rigid transport trailer to set up as mobile fortification. The last, a large open flat bed trailer and some quads. Last stops on the way back to the fort are a Costco and a grocery store. Stock up as well as possible on food and basic supplies. Have some nice stuff for now, but use as much room as possible for long term basic supplies. Huge bags of rice and flour, dry beans, dried fruit, beef jerky, whey powder, etc etc. Then return to the house, gather the rest of the group and convoy up.

Now, I know the country reasonably well near where I'm living now. I'd want a large, fenced in property, with fertile ground, a heavy duty garage, and a well built, strong modern house, and I'd want it as far as possible from any cities or even towns.

At this point there get to be a few goals: fortifying the property, scouting and clearing local zombies, continuing to gather resources, maximizing food production on site, and establishing an emergency escape plan and hiding site. Improve the fences, build turret towers, and establish guard duties. Train everyone at shooting, and also at less noisy methods of killing. Establish an escape site. For the escape site, I would want a location at least 50k from main site. I'd want it in an even more remote area. I'd likely head into the logging roads and find a high ground clearcut. Here I'd set up an emergency store of supplies, build a bsic shelter, and make sure everyone knew how to get there.

Okay I think I have to stop, I'm already way carried away and I could just keep going forever.

JediExile · 8 months

How did he get access to that kind of equipment? It looks like the stuff I trained on.

schubear · 8 months

THIS PICTURE IS OLDER THAN THE INTERNET.

I swear to god, 1/2 of all the posts on Reddit now came from 4chan like 10 years ago. Who the fuck a) hasn't seen this; and b) up-votes this nonsense?!!

p0b · 8 months

Funniest thing I've seen in a while. Bravo.

BlueberryButts · 8 months

I whole heartily admit to that.

assesasinassassin · 8 months

Damnit, this made me laugh out loud. Not an easy feat.

LimehouseJack · 8 months

I like to think that /k/ would be there to protect us.

Oh, wait - wrong website.

Carry on.

gentleman_brown · 8 months

Redditors are the zombies, so, pretty much business as usual.

scuba_paul · 8 months

Half of reddit would be the zombies.

Amdinga · 8 months

Yeah, but we'd have like... kitchen utensils and tennis rackets instead of all that cool gear.

hydrogenous · 8 months

Most people who have a vague "plan" for the zombocalypse usually say they are going to go to a walmart or a supermarket. Personally I'm getting as far away from other people as possible.

omarlittle22 · 8 months

If there ever was a zombie apocalypse, I'm definitely going to check out pretty quick. The whole post-apocalyptic world thing doesn't seem very fun to me, I've already lived out in the woods for months at a time with little supplies, it really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'd honestly probably try to find some pain killers or heroin and do a bunch of it and go out all peaceful like. Or if I couldn't find any of that, I'd probably just shoot myself in the head. Either way is preferable to being eaten alive by zombies, imho.

tl;dr: Fuck living in a post-apocalyptic world.

f4hy · 8 months

I would just surender. I don't want to live in a world with zombies. Sounds terrifying. Might as well get it over with than watch everyone I love turn into a zombie and try to kill me.

wasdy1 · 8 months

Operation Clog Their Toilets

Klashus · 8 months

GOD DAMN RIGHT

Gairloch · 8 months

Depends on the type of zombie.

thetacticalpanda · 8 months

Half of reddit would be zombies. At least half.

SaintGulik · 8 months

This is why I have a cat.

kizkizkiz · 8 months

I bet /r/brains will become very popular

TheAnswerIsScience · 8 months

Let's be real, I'd probably end up "omnomnomnom brains."

[deleted] · 8 months

Actually, half of reddit would be zombies.

Catch22af · 8 months

What platoon did you say you're from again?

bkh · 8 months

I can tie a really nice noose.

That's my plan if there's a zombie apocalypse.

Suicide.

Cause fuck that shit.

imakepeopleangry · 8 months

I'm, personally, kinda curious just how well we could do. Some of us truly play with tactics and strategy that translates easily to real world situations and we've put countless hours into it. I'd face a zombie horde with a few of my fellow smarter gaming Redditors.

NotVeryBlueberries · 8 months

All the nerds need to remember; When the zombies stat rising we all need to just stay out of it for a while so they can spread. Otherwise everyone will just kill them when there are only a handful. How can we have fun if we kill them off immediately?

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