Just got married. This is my new motto.

skettios · 9 months

Forget about a wedding ring, I can spot a married man by the socks and sandals.

RickHayes · 9 months

And by next year your motto will be "I wear whatever she tells me".

Jer_Cough · 9 months

You realize your wife can do the same thing, right? Hellooooo granny panties.

Bob__Sacamano · 9 months

Larry David and cake day? You win

gcwyodave · 9 months

Huh, I thought the motto for being married was a lot like living in California: Don't dwell on the faults.

RobotArmMonkeyBrain · 9 months

congratulations!

redditor3000 · 9 months

There are certain thing I do only to try and get women. Such as showering, cleaning my place and going to parties. If I was married I'd shower once every few days, live in a dump and shut my self in.

vhackish · 9 months

You can, but in my experience the correct answer to "Is that what you're going to wear?" is always no.

this_is_your_dad · 9 months

OWN IT.

a_dare · 9 months

read this as: This is my new tattoo

I thought it was a little drastic

tiny15 · 9 months

I've found my relationship with my wife is at its best when clothes aren't involved.

BarkingToad · 9 months

My fiancée despises my weird hats. She won't let me wear them in her company. Very depressing ;)

miss_bunns · 9 months

Im getting married next month and I am considering it my job as a wife is to never stop trying to be attractive and fun to my husband. These rings will not be shackles. But a shiny reminder of our love for each other.

[deleted] · 9 months

I already wear what I want.

LeMadnessofKingHippo · 9 months

And by next year your motto will be "I should have tried harder. Maybe she wouldn't have left me."

djspacebunny · 9 months

I'm married and I don't have to shave my legs NO MO'!

trauma_queen · 9 months

That picture is pretty much my father, to a tee. He uses the hat while gardening, mowing the lawn, and shaking his fist and the neighborhood kids.

tikcuf12 · 9 months

Oh, Grasshopper, you have so much to learn.

masterfuleatgorilla · 9 months

Time for jorts, a ponytail, and the rest of your miserable life. :D

ForgettableUsername · 9 months

I wear whatever I want now.

Phons · 9 months

Too bad that your wife will probably have the same motto.

SupertomSeven · 9 months

Flannel and pajama pants. All day every day.

SimplyGirly · 9 months

A guy ordered a Mocha from Starbucks today and then I overheard this: his friend said, "oh, you got the full fat version, eh?" His reply? "Yeah, I'm married now, so I can have the full fat stuff."

LehaRay · 9 months

living with my family was tough, i had 4 super conservative brothers so i had to dress properly the whole time but after i got married last year i pretty much shed all my clothes. my husband doesnt mind that i walk around only in an oversized tshirt.

Spoerk · 9 months

And this is hers.

IamSuperCereal · 9 months

First you wear whatever. Then you spend lots of time at home relaxing. Meanwhile your body goes to crap. You're out of shape and just look bad all around. Then you come home one day and find her bed with a guy who didn't let himself go.

maddawg579 · 9 months

I know it's a joke, but apathy will quickly lead to problems in the marriage. Seen it happen way too many times, my parents included.

rboymtj · 9 months

My clothing has gone from relatively trendy variety to a completely standardized wardrobe. Identical suits, jeans, dress shirts, socks, underwear. I tell ya, going to Kohls and buying 40 pairs of the same dress socks and throwing out all my old socks was a nice feeling.

naifu · 9 months

I got engaged last year. This is what I look forward to.

Yop101 · 9 months

Your wife can now say: I'm married, I can eat whatever I want...

choamcharity · 9 months

this is hilarious because there was a season 1 or 2 episode where larry makes fun of a guy for wearing a hat with one of those bolo-tie thingies.

trollosophy · 9 months

It's not like you're ever gonna get laid again anyway! zing

(as a side note, congrats :D)

CheeseGobler · 9 months

When i get married im going to wear a t-shirt with this on under my shirt and when its over i will pull my shirt off. hmm planning for a future that doesn't exist yet... foreveralone.

[deleted] · 9 months

Your sex days are numbered , my son.

kangtea · 9 months

I think in the context of Curb your Enthusiasm, its because he's married that he shouldn't need to worry about what other women think of him.

MustHaveCleverHandle · 9 months

A friend of mine shaved his head a few months after getting married. I asked him what happened to his hair; he said, "Don't need it. Got married."

GreenJesus423 · 9 months

I'm Larry David and I happen to like wearing women's panties.

jettbalasko · 9 months

DRAPED in velvet!

justkilc · 9 months

Enjoy that occasional birthday blowjob...

beta_pup · 9 months

My husband is a truck driver and is away Monday-Friday. While he's on the road he doesn't bathe, he wears jeans he hemmed himself that are way too short, and he wears wrinkled shirts.

The only thing I ask is that he wears his wedding ring so, regardless of appearance, women know he's taken and doesn't need to be "fixed."

wayndom · 9 months

I was expecting, "Yes, dear."

ewest · 9 months

GAWD DAMMIT LARRY YOU FOUR-EYED FUCK.

-Suzie

AdonisChrist · 9 months

It's like tenure, but with a woman.

deutschbag17 · 9 months

You could probably even wear women's panties.

teh_tg · 9 months

The corollary is: she can get as fat as she wants, otherwise you lose half of your net worth.

Mybrainmelts · 9 months

I'm Single, I can fap whenever I want.

360walkaway · 9 months

Haha... is that Cheney?

LineyDrapes · 9 months

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.

modus · 9 months

If you've made the sale, there's no reason to advertise.

weird-oh · 9 months

I have that same hat, but didn't get it because I'm married. I got it because I'm old and no longer give two shits what anyone thinks of me. Plus it keeps me from getting skin cancer.

turtleVirus · 9 months

"You have a partner, I have a wife.. it is more like a rivalry"

Frankenstooge · 9 months

I'm a married man and this should not be happening

texx77 · 9 months

I don't understand the rationale behind this. So now that you are married, you are off-limits to other women; therefore you can wear whatever you want now?

So by that logic you cared what women thought about what you wore on a daily basis during your (presumably) long and well-established relationship as girlfriend/boyfriend and fiance prior to being married.

sciencesanta · 9 months

"Behold, I am become wife, destroyer of dreams."

This may not make sense to you now, but give it ten years.

ANewAccountCreated · 9 months

Eh, little tip. Maintain at least some semblance of respectability with your clothing, out of respect for yourself and those that are seen with you. Otherwise a storm will start brewing...

EDIT: Hey, or don't, no skin off of my sack. Enjoy married life while you can.

logifal · 9 months

Just don't get fat.

PraiseBuddha · 9 months

This could actually be a good plan. You'll have to dress up stunningly on occasion though.

How to make your wife fucking love you no matter what a few nights a year:

Make dinner. A nice roast, great wine, candles, tablecloth, proper silverware, the works.

You dress up in a tux or a suit. Make sure she's out for most of the day doing something stressful (e.g. work or grocery shopping.)

As she walks in the door, greet her regally, and offer to take her coat, hat, purse, whatever. Lead her to the softly lit room with candles, wine, delicious food. Pull her chair out for her, get her seated properly, then put the food on her plate for her in a gentlemanly manner. I'm thinking that one of those pepper grinders would give too much of a butler feel, but if you want to, go for it. As you're eating, whenever she says something about the meal or how you look, counter it with some overly cheesy compliment about her.

From her perspective it should seem like this: I've been out all day, all I want to do is go home and take a nap. I really hope he cleaned something today. Ooh, it smells good in here. Whoa, he looks really good. Why's he wearing a tux? Oh, my coat? Sure. That looks delicious! He's being such a gentleman today. Oh my god, this is heaven.

Results? If she's a normal person, she'll make it up to you through sexytime or various other favors.

klaus1986 · 9 months

dont have kids anytime soon.

nurgleplague · 9 months

Mine is "happy wife, happy life."

SalemWolf · 9 months

"I'm married, I can wear whatever I want."

You seem to have forgotten to add:

"...as long as its okay with my wife."

Haha, congrats on the marriage!

Red_Rifle_1988 · 9 months

Pretty much the main reason why I'd like to actually get married one day. Shaved head and sweats incoming.

Tystero · 9 months

Aaand that's part of why divorce rates are so fucking high. You stop trying.

toffeeapple89 · 9 months

I'm assuming this will come in handy at some point

renniechops · 9 months

'Eh....not so good.'

ImRugg · 9 months

Congrats and happy cake day!!

21007 · 9 months

+1 for LD

Kcasmutorcs · 9 months

My dad used to do that to embarrass me. I used to think it was intentional, but I now realize he just didn't give a fiddler's fart.

mackattack1015 · 9 months

happy cakeday

quakebeat · 9 months

I had a hat like that. Got me onstage with Big Chocolate during warped. Worth the $11.

staiano · 9 months

Happy cake day and happy nuptials...

libraryaddict · 9 months

Strange fetish banned in all the states! Here I come!

Royalewitcheeze · 9 months

My condolences.

seth11111 · 9 months

The beginning of the end.

9 months

[deleted]

rjgabriele · 9 months

My favorite one: When someone asks me where I got a shirt or whatever I just say "My closet"...I have no idea where my mife buys my stuff, but I am glad she does or I would still be wearing the boxers I had in college....15 years ago.

Applebutter · 9 months

You go, badass.

Wronchi · 9 months

I read this in Scar's tone. "I am king, I can do whatever I want!"

emjaysea · 9 months

A better motto is, "You can be right, or you can be married."

fudgecrackers · 9 months

So what the heck were you wearing before?

Justacuriosity · 9 months

Been married a year. My wife's motto "this is a marriage not a peace-treaty"

warriorsbball25 · 9 months

happy cake day!

ZapActions-dower · 9 months

Mine would be "I'm married, I don't give a fuck about what other women think of me!"

Well, unless its work related or something. But that isn't gender specific.

enjoithelrg · 9 months

Phanny packs and all

chantistar · 9 months

This is pretty, pretty, pretty good.

cbfw86 · 9 months

My motto is, "Yes, Dear."

JConXtsy · 9 months

How cute. Wait until you realize it won't last and you have to start working out and dressing well again.

seanjh63 · 9 months

This karma fruit was high above all others

sarahcasarah · 9 months

I'm sure this will get buried...my husband has been wearing my forever lazy around the house since Christmas...this hat would be a treat!

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