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all 51 comments

[–]I_AM_HAMMERED 39 points40 points ago

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Hilda used Shower!

He used Dick attack!

Awkwardly effective!

[–]Chase_Meister 14 points15 points ago

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What happened next??

[–]cajaks2 29 points30 points ago

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... Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower's water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet. Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway. Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda's rich chest. As Hilda's buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. "Hilda," Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda's warm thighs. "There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire." Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too. "Torolf," Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. "I need you." Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. "Oh, sorry," she added. "Torolf, I need you – sexually." At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf's undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge. Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment. Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it. Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson's. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms! The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop. She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. "Torolf," she said softly, "there's something I have to tell you..." But her bed was empty. Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs. Source: the last time this was posted

[–]ILoveAMp 13 points14 points ago

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Do they seriously sell this shit in stores?

[–]Unabated_Blade 8 points9 points ago

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as a guy who works in B&N and has to sort through this drivel on a daily basis...yes.

[–]Ubaro 8 points9 points ago

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entered her like she was a lottery

this is gonna be my pick-up line from now on

[–]fuzzycuffs 6 points7 points ago

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Dick attacks Dick aneurysms Dick Parkinson's

[–]crashusmaximus 4 points5 points ago

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Dick tourettes synd... GODDAMN FUCK ASS BOB SAGAT.

[–]larjew 0 points1 point ago

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"Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it."

[–]mszegedy 1 point2 points ago

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Dick immunodeficiency virus Dicksclerosis Dick stroke Dick concussion Repetitive dick injury Carpal dick

[–]EriktheRed 3 points4 points ago

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... Until I followed the link, I thought this was actually the next page.

[–]tamuowen 3 points4 points ago

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her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower's water

Wait, what was on her boobs? Was it wet water that was wet?

[–]psyki 0 points1 point ago

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clunge?

[–]Gammachan 0 points1 point ago

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Shut up and take my upvote!

[–]Spo8 0 points1 point ago

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I just tried to quiver with desire, but I think it looked like seizure.

[–]iMakeChickenNoises 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ExplosmChicken 6 points7 points ago

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Vagina attack.

[–]BabySinister 0 points1 point ago

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sword fight

[–]StumpHarvey 18 points19 points ago

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I can't tell what's funnier, dick attack or that you read all the way up through chapter 17.

[–]punchuinface55 5 points6 points ago

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this is certainly NOT OC... but thats okay

[–]Cuddles_McHugs 5 points6 points ago

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Nothing Stops Dick Attack!

[–]silverbackjack 5 points6 points ago

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Dick attack was a film in the 80s which had a sequel called invasion of the giant dicks. It was remade by Hollywood earlier this year with a few changes to the original script, they also changed the name to Cowboys and Aliens

[–]9isfornatalie 4 points5 points ago

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I love how awfully well these are written.

[–]Turboalex 5 points6 points ago

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Have I gone back in time to the days of reddit long past?

No, it's just a repost.

[–]BorisKafka 1 point2 points ago

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This dick of mine ain't friendly baby. Will it hurt you? Yeah, maybe.

Easy E.

[–]Mecxs 1 point2 points ago

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What happened to Hil -- HHNNNNNNNGG

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I liked the part where he pissed on a tree

[–]stupidinternet 0 points1 point ago

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Only because he immediately went into the kitchen to easy his hands.

[–]alcakd 1 point2 points ago

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Rape...

That's called rape.

[–]abagofdicks 1 point2 points ago

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This has already been a meme, come and gone. Don't start saying dick attack to every sex related post. You'll just be embarrassing yourself.

[–]YabbaMyIceCream 0 points1 point ago

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No, it's like a dick seizure, pahaha. So shit

[–]goodtwitch 0 points1 point ago

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Grammar you die!

[–]Foxbatt 0 points1 point ago

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Nsfw nsfl: dick attack Yep there is a website about it....

[–]lackofbrain 2 points3 points ago

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How is that not safe for life? It's porn!

[–]moogle516 0 points1 point ago

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that didn't take long to masturbate to

[–]Gawdzillers 0 points1 point ago

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Dick Attack? Yeah I know that guy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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bought this book for a friend for her birthday a while back.

[–]NiteLite 0 points1 point ago

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If a dick attack is like a heart attack, then I wouldn't really call it a weapon. More like a big problem for anyone with a dick ...

[–]Mudders_Milk_Man 0 points1 point ago

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You should try reading Bill O'Reilly's novel.

Actual quote:

"Hey baby, put down that crack pipe and get my pipe up."

[–]Ultima22 0 points1 point ago

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I think the last time I had a dick attack, I had to sign a waiver first.

[–]drokcab 0 points1 point ago

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[–]1finefeline 0 points1 point ago

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Pssh. If I had a nickle for every time I gave my fiance a dick attack... It'd be zero nickles. :(

[–]weiss5256 0 points1 point ago

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You always need to wonder if the people who write this crap have actually ever had a relationship with someone, or if they're just the same lonely middle aged woman that buys these kinds of books.

[–]cajungator3 0 points1 point ago

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"where he pissed against a tree."

This...this is what real literature consists of.

[–]Surly__Duff 0 points1 point ago

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"I have four deadly weapons on me at all times: these two knifes, my dick, and this (displays pistol)!"

[–]unusualfowl 0 points1 point ago

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I've...uh...read this book. All the way through....and the other ones in the series. I now hang my head in shame.

[–]namedmeducky 0 points1 point ago

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I wheezed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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THUNDER!!!!!!

[–]bszollosi45 0 points1 point ago

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I thought a man's ultimate weapon was the Man-beam. Guess not.

[–]Pronoundrop 0 points1 point ago

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Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.

[–]isntfunanymore -1 points0 points ago

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C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER