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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]knylok 922 points923 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

...And now I understand what a One-Eyed, One Horned Flying Purple People Eater is.

[–]President-Nulagi 132 points133 points ago

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[–]2stanky 48 points49 points ago

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Really? It took this long?

[–]President-Nulagi 19 points20 points ago

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But now I'm listening to it, picturing OP... with... his... in.... ....

[–]CountMalachi 2 points3 points ago

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Needs to be the soundtrack to an anal porn video so you don't have to picture it in your head.

[–]staxnet 276 points277 points ago

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One eyed, one holed, farting, purple penis eater

[–]Antrikshy 2 points3 points ago

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Goes with the tune. Perfect.

[–]Wyofire 45 points46 points ago

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This will be a penis story for the ages OP. Also, you may have just gotten the best RES tag I have ever given someone because of this song.

[–]webbles 15 points16 points ago

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More like Purple Peehole Eater.

[–]JayTbo 820 points821 points ago

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She's just begging to be graped...

[–]cannabusinessman 428 points429 points ago

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Indigoes my penis

[–]uwjames 197 points198 points ago

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So violet sex turns you on too?

[–]cannabusinessman 176 points177 points ago

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Oh yeah. She's gonna get plummeled.

[–]uwjames 160 points161 points ago

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That one made me Grimace.

[–]PongApp 28 points29 points ago

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I was about to have sexy times with her but she said I had to wear a sombrero, I said, "Are you cerise?".

[–]jcroucher56 66 points67 points ago

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[–]hey_sergio 55 points56 points ago

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The Grapist! Classic!

[–]cojonesx 47 points48 points ago

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[–]lolitrollyu 127 points128 points ago

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Grape jokes aren't funny, and feminists like myself are absolutely appalled that men like you continue to promote grape culture.

[–]chibling 95 points96 points ago

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Oh stop wining already, we get it.

[–]ilikesleepingalot 83 points84 points ago

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He ne-ferment any harm.

[–]thatwasntababyruth 17 points18 points ago

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It's almost as bad as the beeting of women.

[–]SensibleMadness 62 points63 points ago

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Look, I'm against grape just as much as the next guy (I'm a cherry man myself...yeah, I went there), but let's get real here. If she didn't want to be graped, she shouldn't've (double contraction!) purpled up her asshole like that. The thought of women being graped is appalling, but you're practically begging for it when you gorge yourself on beets like some sort of borscht-sucking trollop.

[–]mbooshay 7 points8 points ago

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Juicy!

[–]epicmoustache 9 points10 points ago

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I'm getting kind of a grapey vibe from this girl...

[–]zvaigzdutem 37 points38 points ago

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You should tie her to the radiator and grape her for hours.

[–]Motherfrogger 2 points3 points ago

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Tie up the whole family in the basement and grape them for years and years!

[–]Nfon4dcm02 26 points27 points ago

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[–]joetromboni 1684 points1685 points ago

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You and your sister share some weird stuff, man.

[–]ScholarZero 1004 points1005 points ago

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Ah, the ol' Reddit incest-a-roo

[–]EddieBshp 10 points11 points ago

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I'm kind of scared of the chain of posts that will eventually lead me back to this comment..

[–]ScholarZero 2 points3 points ago

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[–]moarhatz 263 points264 points ago

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You and your weird stuff share some sister, man.

[–]Shin_Splints 165 points166 points ago

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[–]chezuschrists 129 points130 points ago

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i couldn't resist to click his face 100 times to hear HIYOOOO echos

[–]mediapl0y 80 points81 points ago

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it almost sounds like monks in a chant.

[–]Beeslo 41 points42 points ago

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I wasted more time than I should have with that.

[–]tokomini[!] 14 points15 points ago

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I kept hitting it in groups of three and imaging him in a canyon somewhere.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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dafuq?

[–]Anti_Craic 2 points3 points ago

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One of these days I'm gonna click this and it'll be chopper Dave HIYOOOOing me.

[–]CartmanVT 45 points46 points ago

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You and your weird man sister share some stuff.

[–]Kweefy 134 points135 points ago

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You're weird, man. Share your sister and some stuff.

[–]mynameispeter 100 points101 points ago

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A weird man and I stuffed your sister. Just thought I'd share.

[–]absynth_mynded 13 points14 points ago

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doesn't matter, had purple asshole anal.

[–]racistkramer 85 points86 points ago*

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[–]Pyrowolf 78 points79 points ago

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Redditors of the future, enjoy the ride.

[–]deafcon5 37 points38 points ago

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/waves at the people passing by.

[–]Speculater 29 points30 points ago

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Hello it's 17 Febuary 2012, do you know which post you started on?

[–]graphitezeppelin 11 points12 points ago

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Yo dawg I heard you like switch-a-roos so I pulled a switch-a-roo on a switch-a-roo on the old reddit switch-a-roo,

[–]pigpill 2 points3 points ago

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You could be onto something here.

[–]Jarth 2 points3 points ago

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GOD DAMN LANNISTERS!

[–]Ricksauce 370 points371 points ago

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What? Purple Santorum?

[–]beernerd 86 points87 points ago

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slowclap.gif

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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Slowfap.gif

[–]Hormander 25 points26 points ago

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glowfap.gif

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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Oh god. the username, its perfect.

[–]jmad202 23 points24 points ago

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Purple Santorum?

[–]DeathIsTheEnd 21 points22 points ago

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This is even weirder than wrestling.

[–]johnnygrant 23 points24 points ago

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its all silly and non-sexual

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points ago*

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[–]TheMonkeyJoe 4 points5 points ago

Explorer's Log - Hole #16

I continue to be haunted by the mysterious disappearances of my mentors and fellow travelers. What frightens me is that I'm actually well beyond my 16th hole. How did i start so far above those who came before me?

And what derailed their search? I don't understand...

And why is this visage before me so purple and inviting?

[–]JofanM 6 points7 points ago

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[–]I_QuoteSeinfeld 7 points8 points ago

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Not that there's anything wrong with that..

[–]President-Nulagi 468 points469 points ago

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[–]Wade_W_Wilson 184 points185 points ago

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[–]bazke 54 points55 points ago

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cant.. stop.. watching...

[–]brianfit 10 points11 points ago

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That's so cool like. Which makes you, like, cool.

[–]GottabeKP 3 points4 points ago

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He's probably an engineering student.

[–]BlueLink77 18 points19 points ago

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Oh Charlie, you never stop surprising the internet... For those curious...

|EDIT| Link added...

[–]DynixX 95 points96 points ago

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[–]bweekins 21 points22 points ago

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How does something so pertinent exist!? HOW?

[–]Propolandante 3 points4 points ago

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I was expecting One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater...

It was so much funnier than what I guessed. I really hope OP sees this!

[–][deleted] 150 points151 points ago

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If she gives it to you, you have to give it to all of us. It's only fair.

[–]psychosaga303 82 points83 points ago

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Yeah. Like the herpes.

[–]lifeingray 438 points439 points ago

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Enjoy the Purple Glory. Upvotes for you!

[–]whoselinegifs 299 points300 points ago

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[–]GalactusIntolerant 59 points60 points ago

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You. I like you, I look forward to seeing more of you in my Reddit life.

[–]sc0rpio 8 points9 points ago

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Very Nice! How much?

[–]whoselinegifs 40 points41 points ago

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[–]omnimon_X 304 points305 points ago

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He's gotta post pics or it didn't happen.

[–]BarackObamazing[S] 659 points660 points ago

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Indeed. Girlfriend, if you're reading this, the people demand photographic evidence!

[–]urfouy 129 points130 points ago

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Damn. Can anyone get me drunk enough to want to show my aubergine asshole to the world/Reddit? 'Cause these pictures are embarrassing.

[–]disingenious 26 points27 points ago

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You knew you'd have my upvote when you typed "aubergine asshole"; well played.

[–]rcrabb 2 points3 points ago

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I would have needed to look that up, but I just recently learned that aubergine is french for eggplant!

[–]KidDetective 118 points119 points ago

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hey honey can i show the internet a picture of your asshole?

What's that? oh, no reason.

[–]Doctor_Loggins 58 points59 points ago

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For the website where everyone's trolls and the points don't matter?

[–]AwkwardCough 15 points16 points ago

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That's right, the points are just like a bowl of condoms at a convent.

Wayne Brady shakes his head at Drew

[–]studionashvegas 4 points5 points ago

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Trust him - he's a doctor

[–]speedycat 196 points197 points ago

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To the front page for science!

[–]CervixKnocker 123 points124 points ago

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This is a safe place

[–]MatteKudasai 81 points82 points ago

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CervixKnocker? This guy seems legit.

[–]grabmyeye 30 points31 points ago

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Mattekudasai? This guy seems Asian.

[–]thetwobecomeone 22 points23 points ago

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Grabmyeye? This guys seems adventurous.

[–]studionashvegas 15 points16 points ago

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thetwobecomeone? split decision for me.

[–]thisisnotthought 10 points11 points ago

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studionashvegas? This guy seems like a WordPress designer living in Franklin, TN.

[–]PurplePenisEater 9 points10 points ago

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Yes. Now tell us where you live.

[–]nice_try_employer 3 points4 points ago

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You keep telling yourself that.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Science trumps all that is and will ever be

[–]jason64128 24 points25 points ago

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You can make the frontpage of r/gonewild too, all in the same day! (note: this is more of a request than a comment)

[–]misspeels_words 15 points16 points ago

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good luck with your endavore

[–]I_RAPE_PEOPLE_II 25 points26 points ago

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He doesn't need luck, he has us on his side.

[–]adorhlb23 19 points20 points ago

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You are someone I would LOVE to have on my side....

[–]I_RAPE_PEOPLE_II 33 points34 points ago

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Which side?

[–]adorhlb23 27 points28 points ago

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Whichever side doesn't get me raped.

Remember: No means yes.

[–]ImNotARapistISwear 32 points33 points ago

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And yes means harder.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I'm glad you are not a rapist

[–]this-just-in 33 points34 points ago

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For my SpankBank™ science journal.

[–]JourdanWithaU 32 points33 points ago

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A trademark!?

I'm not even mad, I'm impressed...

[–]omnimon_X 5 points6 points ago

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"Yeah its no big deal...just some seriously mind blowing stuff with Bill Nye. But I mean, if you don't want to improve mankind, we don't have to record it."

[–]BornInReddit 3 points4 points ago

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I bet he has Bill Nye in his SpankBank...

[–]Dirty-DjAngo 3 points4 points ago

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And then he has to kiss it because reddit's into that

[–]CanadianMan12 26 points27 points ago

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Enjoy the Purple Glory Santorum.

[–]meatygoose 112 points113 points ago

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Use lots of water-based lube and build up to it. Enjoy your purple anal.

[–]FANGO 60 points61 points ago

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And purple Santorum afterwards.

[–]Speculater 10 points11 points ago

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Is that any relation to Rick Santorum.

[–]FANGO 30 points31 points ago

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Rick Santorum, you mean? I have no idea.

[–]Bilbo77 19 points20 points ago

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I believe it is Rick Santorum, but I'm not totally sure.

[–]2cats1dog 5 points6 points ago

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Maybe you should Google Rick Santorum just to confirm.

[–]BarackObamazing[S] 291 points292 points ago*

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Checkmate. Thanks, Reddit. I'm gonna turn that purple asshole black and blue!

[–][deleted] 214 points215 points ago

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Give that ass a beeting man!

[–]Wingthor 39 points40 points ago

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I was always rooting for him.

[–]NBAallstar 25 points26 points ago

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Pics or it didn't happen.

[–]someguy945 43 points44 points ago

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technically you need to be logged out and show that you are viewing /r/all

otherwise you could just hide a ton of links to turn a page-10 thread into a page-1 thread

[–]HarryLillis 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You can view /r/all without being logged out.

[–]Gangreless 21 points22 points ago

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But you could still "hide a ton of links to turn a page-10 thread into a page-1 thread" if you're logged in.

[–]HarryLillis 12 points13 points ago

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Oh, I didn't realise one could hide links. I was ignorant of that function.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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Don't make this mistake again.

[–]purple_asshole_anal 54 points55 points ago

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Thanks for giving me a great idea for a new user name!

[–]andrewsmith1986 401 points402 points ago

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I'm going to downvote you because I decided that I don't want you to have anal sex tonight.

[–]NinjaSupplyCompany 110 points111 points ago

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Damn you Andrew Smith! Damn you!

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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I knew an Andrew Smith once. I wanted to do him. Never got the courage to tell him though.

[–]NinjaSupplyCompany 30 points31 points ago

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I had sex with Andrew Smiths mom. I like 1985. Shit was rad.

[–]andrewsmith1986 6 points7 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]alexanderls 56 points57 points ago

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Wow, you're just being an ass.

[–]bgsilver 64 points65 points ago

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Yeah, butt out of this

[–]wave517 33 points34 points ago

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Seriously, you should get behind this.

[–]CLSmith15 43 points44 points ago

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Sphincter

[–]ilikesleepingalot 32 points33 points ago

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Sphincter? I hardly knew her!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Downvoted for asking for upvotes.

[–]Intolerance 103 points104 points ago

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Purple buttsex: still not as gay as Twilight

[–]IchooseYou 19 points20 points ago

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Well it is with a girl so I don't think that counts as gay

[–]this_guy_over_here 68 points69 points ago*

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only if you promise to post pics in gone wild...

EDIT: 69 points... giggity

[–]LordCopenhagen 6 points7 points ago

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fake.

[–]DoctorMorgue 72 points73 points ago

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Looks like you got a purple shit-stained penis in your future.

[–]NinjaSupplyCompany 39 points40 points ago

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I don't think you understand how this works...

[–]tylerofathenry 39 points40 points ago

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I don't think I do either.

[–]NinjaSupplyCompany 32 points33 points ago

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In most cases, unless the person really has to crap (in which case they should not be doing anal) there is no poop in the part of the ass that you will be fucking.

[–]beggarinthesand 69 points70 points ago

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Could you draw a diagram?

[–]NorKal 41 points42 points ago

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I have a PHD in colonoscopy and gynecology so I made you a professional rendering of this situation taking place

[–]TheBoldManLaughsOnce 13 points14 points ago

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And I can attest that this is accurate. I don't have a PhD, but I do have a miner's light.

[–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 25 points26 points ago

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Hold on.

[–]HittingSmoke 24 points25 points ago

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If there has ever been a time to say "Pics or GTFO", this is it.

[–]DoctorNose 169 points170 points ago

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I hate everything about this.

[–]IchooseYou 88 points89 points ago

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You know how people have said reddit went full retard in the past? I don't think we'd even scratched the surface

[–]DoctorNose 52 points53 points ago*

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I'm convinced that every new user who joins is 1 second younger than the user before them. Within a few months reddit will be 60% 10 year olds and under.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points ago

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UPVOTE THIS FOR SOME VAGUE REASON! COME ON, REDDIT, WE'RE ALL FRIENDS RIGHT! INTERESTING CONTENT? MEH WHATS THE POINT?

[–]marshall007 19 points20 points ago

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I keep trying to say "meh" while yelling, but it doesn't work.

[–]hellmaybe 8 points9 points ago

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I hate how far I had to scroll down to find this.

[–]feefmeharder 124 points125 points ago

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Girls don't poop. Downvote.

[–]xxlozzaxx 26 points27 points ago

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I knew a girl once, can confirm; they don't poop.

[–]BranchDavidian 58 points59 points ago

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she's a witch.

[–]speedycat 60 points61 points ago

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BURN HER!

[–]SamePaige 44 points45 points ago

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She turned me into a newt!

[–]JoshuaTheWarrior 42 points43 points ago

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I got better

[–]LittleStallin 14 points15 points ago

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Burn her anyway!!

[–]SamePaige 9 points10 points ago

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How do you know she is a witch?

[–]LittleStallin 5 points6 points ago

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She has got a wart...

[–]tecksbuk[!] 90 points91 points ago

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This is one of the trashiest things I've ever read..

[–]cloudfoot3000 19 points20 points ago

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[–]theRAGE 17 points18 points ago

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Most over 20 will agree.

[–]everyoneismyfriend 6 points7 points ago

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poor guy.... so friend zoned that she talks about shit with him.

[–]liquix 2 points3 points ago

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Ha! It's actually a guy, no women speak like this. "Dude"...Come on...

[–]cycophuk 41 points42 points ago

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You people are idiots. Proof of said purple asshole should have been demanded and provided before upvotes were given.

[–]gizza 2 points3 points ago

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What I want to know is how she knew that her asshole was stained purple. Seems like an odd thing to check.

[–]tamrix 40 points41 points ago

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*unsubscribes from r/funny.

[–]theRAGE 3 points4 points ago

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It's the logical thing to do.

[–]verisimilarity 19 points20 points ago

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Does anyone remember when this site was for discussing articles and programming?

[–]omar91 25 points26 points ago

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I hope she doesn't have diarrhea because it's gonna be some Purple Rain.

[–]Poshul 8 points9 points ago

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I thought begging for upvotes was against r/funny protocol?

[–]pute 47 points48 points ago

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[–]appleseed1234 3 points4 points ago

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I see basketball and waffles in OP's future.

[–]latarian 8 points9 points ago

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soooo, karma whoring is ok.

[–]thechump121 6 points7 points ago

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are you sure you want this?

[–]wave517 6 points7 points ago

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Anyone else feel like this belongs on 4chan?

[–]VileOffspring 3 points4 points ago

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I'm going to go ahead and call fake. There was a segment on the Bob and Tom show this morning about beets and purple shit.

[–]herebezombies 3 points4 points ago

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so um... how did she know it stained her butthole? does she routinely look at her butthole or something?

[–]purezelda 47 points48 points ago

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upvote, Smash that ass!

[–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 25 points26 points ago

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FUCK YEA

[–]PokeyOats 14 points15 points ago

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Why is everyone so into anal? I've been offered, I indulged, it wasn't that great.

Give me nice clean pussy any time!!

[–]DimmuJed 13 points14 points ago

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PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

I mean, she said front page you get anal, I think number 1 spot = PIX OR VID OF SAID ACT!

WHO'S WITH ME!?

[–]Tazzak9028 2 points3 points ago

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YEAH!

[–]mike_isonfire 15 points16 points ago

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AMA Request: Someone who's inserted their penis into a purple anus.

[–]ZimbuTheMonkey 36 points37 points ago

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Can I post this on Reddit?

You people are so craved for fucking attention, Christ...

[–]a_tension_center 5 points6 points ago

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I'll never understand how these ridiculous fake text posts make it to the front page.

[–]Bronan_the_Brobarian 12 points13 points ago

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Definitely fake.

[–]Hellraisen 33 points34 points ago

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This is seriously front page?? The fuck, Reddit?

[–]DrAnhero 9 points10 points ago

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I have ZERO doubt that this "lady friend" is unattractive.

[–]peppermintani 2 points3 points ago

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There's an actual term for the phenomena of beets making urine and BMs red and pink. It's called beeturia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beeturia

[–]lookatmyhorse 2 points3 points ago*

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By "anal" she meant analingus though.

[–]PoorlyTimedHarry 2 points3 points ago

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CRAPPUS PURPLEUS!!