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1049
1050

Wanted to thank my editor with something special for Xmas. Made him this. (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by verydangerousasp

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[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Anybody know the best method for cutting a book like this?

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 30 points31 points ago

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I used extra-large #2 x-acto blades and a shitload of elbow grease. Took about an hour per book.

[–]hubilation 15 points16 points ago

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Did you glue the pages together at all?

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 20 points21 points ago

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Only the first 15 or 20 or so. It creates a stiff, thick "first page" that keeps the presentation crisp. You definitely don't need to glue it all together; in fact, that can create the problem of wavy pages by way of too much moisture in the glue (I used a glue stick very very sparingly--just spot application).

[–]OhSeven 0 points1 point ago

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I've had plans to do this myself. I think putting glue around the cut edges at least would be good, but I imagine it would be better to glue more. Maybe about 1/2" in from the edges of the pages? Not sure what the best way to do that is.

[–]baticrease 14 points15 points ago

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This is a neat little walkthrough. Enjoy everyone!

[–]SPAAACE 0 points1 point ago

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Sweet! Thanks!

[–]SuperGoliath 3 points4 points ago

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I have tried something like this before. The edges you cut look awesome. Any tricks or tips?

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 10 points11 points ago

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I outlined the bottle with a pen, then stepped just outside the outline (2 mm or so) with the blade and a straight edge to get started. Then I just kept cutting down in the groove the blade naturally creates, replacing the blade frequently (dulls quickly). Don't try and cut curves--it'll drive you insane when you're 200 pages down.

[–]Huxxxtable 2 points3 points ago

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I did the same thing with this book that I bought at the Dollar Tree Store. We hid a bunch of Robot Bugs inside, you should have seen the faces on my 6 and 8 year old niece and nephew. Priceless.

I was hoping you had an easier way to carve it out, that fucker took an hour to hollow out and yours looks waaay cleaner.

[–]wplcdf 1 point2 points ago

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You did an awesome job, man. Good work.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks dude. I was pleased how well they came out. Someone who saw 'em said I should open up an Etsy shop. Derp.

[–]trevorasaurus 0 points1 point ago

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Where would be a good place to find some elbow grease? Or if it comes from elbows how would i go about extracting it?

[–]GALACTICA-Actual 271 points272 points ago

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You know... There are kids in the world who have no books at all... And they would still rather have no books than have this one.

[–]weird-oh 95 points96 points ago

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They wouldn't mind having the booze, though. Many kids go to bed every night completely sober.

[–]touchcoma 56 points57 points ago

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I teared up a little reading this.

[–]lengau 11 points12 points ago

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Liek Dis If U Cry Evry Tim 1 1

[–]iforgot120 4 points5 points ago

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That's really sad. I wish there was something we could do about this. Like a fund to donate to or something.

[–]OIP 4 points5 points ago

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It's simply a matter of climbing through their windows carrying satchels full of beer cans and hip flasks, dispensing them and then flying away on a magic carpet.

[–]EvilHom3r 0 points1 point ago

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I tried this once. Didn't turn out well. How the fuck Santa does it I have no idea.

[–]OIP 0 points1 point ago

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A lot of it comes down to the 'being jolly', sort of a demeanour thing

[–]cockwanker 11 points12 points ago

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i bet those kids would rather have some decent whiskey

i fuckin' would anyway

[–]the_hoser -2 points-1 points ago

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Yeah well... they'd still be disappointed by this one. I mean... Black Label? Really?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Black Label is not a bad scotch at all. Are you thinking of Red Label?

[–]the_hoser 0 points1 point ago

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No, I'm thinking of Black Label. I haven't had a blend that I like, though.

[–]cockwanker -1 points0 points ago

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johnnie walker black label isn't some bottom shelf whiskey, you big silly

[–]the_hoser 0 points1 point ago

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No, but I don't consider blends to be all that good.

[–]skarface6 1 point2 points ago

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Won't help you to have books if you can't read English.

[–]Anne_Frank_Dildo 18 points19 points ago

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I hear they got one of them there fancy printing presses in the europe too.

[–]athos45678 7 points8 points ago

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laughed super hard at your name.

[–]skarface6 2 points3 points ago

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They speak French there, though.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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It is printed in many languages, sold around the globe.

[–]skarface6 9 points10 points ago

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Liar. It's "Johnny Walker" everywhere.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]JonMW 2 points3 points ago

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That actually looks to be hardback to me?

[–]KronktheKronk 0 points1 point ago

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That's what makes it the perfect hiding place

[–]Doug_X 13 points14 points ago

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Are you Stephenie Meyer?

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 34 points35 points ago

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I'll cut you.

[–]oldcountyjail 5 points6 points ago

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Good answer. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

[–]Hamsteri 32 points33 points ago

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I'd approve of this if you stole the book. If not, you're still fueling the sparkly flame.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 79 points80 points ago

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Way worse. I made the three other books into similar gifts for three guys who worked on my marketing, so I actually had to buy the series. Moreover, I had to buy them in San Francisco at an artsy independent bookstore. I learned the essence of shame that day when I asked the clerk for all four Twilight books. In hardcover.

[–]evilted 42 points43 points ago

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Coincidentally, I also made safe books to hide booze and/or drugs for several of my friends using the hardback versions of the Twilight series. I purchased them at a used bookstore that happened to have an abundance of them (more than one). I told the owner of my plans (kinda had to since I was carrying seven copies) and he was nice enough to only charge me for two copies. Apparently, I was doing him a great service by removing them from his shelves.

[–]moonbeamwhim 11 points12 points ago

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That's some hardcore shame, dude.

[–]Chrosbord 23 points24 points ago

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A friend of mine considered doing this for Christmas gifts, but decided not to because it would be giving money to Meyer.

[–]couchiexperience 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah she's an evil cunt. Fuck her, right guys?!?

[–]NotClever 6 points7 points ago

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Well, only if you're comfortable doing some really kinky shit.

[–]couchiexperience 5 points6 points ago

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I like to bind. And be bound.

[–]i_am_jargon 5 points6 points ago

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That is why you buy them used. Once the book is sold once, the author/publisher don't get any more royalties. And you're helping some poor sap rid themselves of a horrid book.

[–]Padreic 10 points11 points ago

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Any second hand book store has a billion of these books. Why not go there first?

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 27 points28 points ago

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I did. All in paperback, and not the whole series. I was short on time, so no Amazon either. I paid the price in dignity.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.powells.com/s3?kw=&title=twilight&author=Stephenie+Meyer&publisher=&section=&class=0&binding=hardcover&sort=by_relevance&location=all&received_date=0&perpage=25&isbn=

Sorry! I couldn't resist! :(

Edit: I guess if you were too short on time for Amazon, you prob couldn't have done Powells books either. Oh well.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 4 points5 points ago

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Would've loved to buy from Powells (Portland is my hometown... I've spent countless hours lost in its stacks) but yeah, shipping wasn't an option for me.

[–]polpi 6 points7 points ago

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Solution: buy used on amazon (or similar site).

Edit:

I must add, this is an awesome way to hide booze from asshole roommates.

[–]theryko 4 points5 points ago

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Better solution: Use bibles from hotel rooms.

[–]Shieya 1 point2 points ago

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Oooh...that's so mean...I like it!

[–]ch0wder 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, that explains the JW Black Label. =P

[–]Tree-Fingers 0 points1 point ago

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I just puked while reading this... egh wipes mouth

[–]Anne_Frank_Dildo 1 point2 points ago

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She's already loaded so it's a drop in the bucket really. You just wanted to say "sparkly flame", didn't you?

[–]Suicidal_Elmo 11 points12 points ago

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True Story: My wife was cleaning our cat's litter box and left the book on the floor. The cat proceeded to puke a hairball on the book. I wish I had that on video.

[–]Drumlin 6 points7 points ago

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Today I learned about the only cat I could ever love.

[–]RagingButtSex 5 points6 points ago

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A "how to", for anybody who is interested.

[–]redditkilledmygpa 23 points24 points ago

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still a greater love story than twilight.

[–]MiddleNameS 59 points60 points ago

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I can imagine him opening it, giving you that fake (oh...thanks cool i like it) face, and then he opened up the book and sees the drink and then Obama comes out of the book and stabs him in the forehead with a fork. and you're all like OBAMA GET BACK IN THE GODDAMN BOOK! but instead Obama rebels he summons Tony the Tiger out of the book also and they make gay love on your fork stab wound located on your forehead. So while that's happening, you go to take a shit and the toilet seat is wicked warm because someone was just on it. But then your not that grossed out or mad because nobody likes a cold toilet seat.

[–]no_puppets_here 8 points9 points ago

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I'm gonna guess you're the guy who got to enjoy this gift.

[–]Chrosbord 21 points22 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]MiddleNameS 11 points12 points ago

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:)

[–]MiddleNameS 9 points10 points ago

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:(

[–]StealthTheory 7 points8 points ago

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:|

[–]flclreddit 3 points4 points ago

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:/

[–]Pointy130 2 points3 points ago

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:[

[–]llII 4 points5 points ago

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:]

[–]Rusty-Shackleford 1 point2 points ago

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@:)

[–]yonicay 0 points1 point ago

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:O

[–]The_Holy_Bison 5 points6 points ago

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Still a better love story than Twilight. /shame

I'll be going now...

[–]utterpedant 3 points4 points ago

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LOL SO RANDOM!!!!!!

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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Hi mom. When did you get on reddit?

[–]Shamelesssssssssssss 0 points1 point ago

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Wow, so random and such an original idea.

/s

[–]alamandrax 0 points1 point ago

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Well...

Whatever you're having, order me one too. I'm paying.

[–]grandmaonline 0 points1 point ago

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That doesn't make a lick of sense. Can you clarify, honey?

[–]will_at_work 4 points5 points ago

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so, you are aware that he might not even open the cover before he throws the book in the trash can... right?

[–]weird-oh 3 points4 points ago

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I mailed a friend of mine one of those talking mounted fish a few years ago, with some money stuffed in its mouth. When I called to find out how she liked it, turns out she'd thrown it in the trash. Was still able to fish (ha!) it out, though.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 4 points5 points ago

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Thought about that, but this is actually the photo he posted on FB, so I'm in the clear.

The card I sent with it read "Salvation lies within." Thought the reference was especially apropos.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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You can easily tell by the weight of the book.

[–]joemeister1 2 points3 points ago

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I approve of this. The only way to get through that book is to cut out half of the content and fill it with scotch.

[–]nikitak 5 points6 points ago

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So there is a use for that book after all.

[–]J_M 1 point2 points ago

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I need a copy of this book for a book safe - nobody I know would ever look in it. Probably just use a different book and print a cover so I don't have to live with the knowledge that I contributed in any way to Meyer's "writing".

[–]ErezYehuda 1 point2 points ago

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Great idea, though wouldn't you be able to hear and feel the liquid sloshing in the bottle when you carry it?

[–]OhSeven 3 points4 points ago

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So you're suggesting a soft cushion, lined with felt. I like it!

[–]ErezYehuda 2 points3 points ago

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You could do that. It would definitely help protect the bottle in case the book dropped, and it'd look much nicer. I'd also suggest filling the bottle up all the way, so that there's as little gas inside as possible (should you make your own, using a canteen or something rather than a store-bought bottle). That will prevent the liquid from smacks the sides.

[–]skarface6 1 point2 points ago

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No, silly, it's writers who drink, not editors.

[–]weird-oh 4 points5 points ago

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Editors drink BECAUSE of their writers.

[–]Darko33 2 points3 points ago

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...and vice versa.

[–]weird-oh 1 point2 points ago

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True dat.

[–]asceticism21 1 point2 points ago

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Perfect place to hide his liquor, no one will ever open that book.

[–]snowlions 1 point2 points ago

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How to make sure nobody steals your good liquor

[–]laos101 1 point2 points ago

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I can't be the only one wondering, what kind of books do you write / have written?

[–]Tree-Fingers 1 point2 points ago

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NIIICE! Hitchens would even approve of this action.

[–]naraburns 1 point2 points ago

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...editor? What do you write?

[–]purpleyam 1 point2 points ago

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Now that's upcycling

[–]jigby61 2 points3 points ago

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Won't it be kinda embarrassing to have that around.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 5 points6 points ago

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And lo, that's the point.

[–]jigby61 0 points1 point ago

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That's very cruel, and sweet.

[–]erinl96 2 points3 points ago

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Twilight books in their most useful form. Excellent.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]weird-oh 3 points4 points ago

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Of the more affordable Scotches, Speyburn has been about the best I've found so far.

[–]jwantuch 1 point2 points ago

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Speyburn is surprisingly good for the price. Very surprising.

[–]weird-oh 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, I had tried a bunch of other low-cost brands, but that one was a standout. Which is great for those of us in the 99%.

[–]Giglibyte 3 points4 points ago

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I like a good single malt as much as anyone but Johnny Walker Black Label is still pretty tasty. Any insinuation to the contrary is pure folly.

[–]the_hoser 2 points3 points ago

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I can't stand Black Label. Though, I find arguing about booze both silly and boring at the same time, so... cheers?

[–]wonderdolkje 1 point2 points ago

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Salud!

[–]greyfade 1 point2 points ago

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I'd instead recommend The Macallan 12. Best 12-year on the market, and quite reasonably priced.

[–]Korticus 0 points1 point ago

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Highland Park 12 year. It's about the same price as the JW:B, but it's a damn sight more interesting.

[–]ISmokeCigars 0 points1 point ago

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I'm a Glenfiddich 12 man myself.

[–]the_hoser 0 points1 point ago

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I got a bottle of Glenfiddich 18 for the holiday. It's drinking bliss.

[–]ISmokeCigars 0 points1 point ago

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Funny, I got the 15 and while it was enjoyable, it was just a little bit to strong. I find the 12 to be on the money for me. To each his own.

[–]the_hoser 0 points1 point ago

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The 18 is nothing like the 15 right now. They used a different recipe 18 years ago. The stuff is liquid silk.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I'm surprised nobody's asked: what'd you write?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]daveisgaylol 0 points1 point ago

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let the haters hate. It's a nice little project, congrats on getting it into production. What was your advance, if you dont mind me asking?

[–]imabot010 0 points1 point ago

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I enjoyed it, just my opinion. congrats.

[–]suubz 0 points1 point ago

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Wait, you wrote that!? I saw that a while back and I loved it! I'll have to pick up a copy of your book now.

[–]SecretlyHonest 0 points1 point ago

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Sad thing is, he will never look inside.

[–]360walkaway 0 points1 point ago

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Now THAT is how you turn a frown upside down.

[–]Democritus477 0 points1 point ago

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You think this is somehow less conspicuous than just a bottle?

[–]PaperPlaneGang 0 points1 point ago

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You bastards are the reason this book is a best seller

[–]cryer 0 points1 point ago

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I always thought I'd make someone a gift like this. But then I realize I don't have anyone to make it for.

[–]ashleybear 0 points1 point ago

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And here I was, thinking there was no good use for a Twilight novel...

[–]SirReal32 0 points1 point ago

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Take the booze out and that would be the best version of twilight ever!

[–]digdat0 0 points1 point ago

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Best use of a twilight book ever.

[–]Darko33 0 points1 point ago

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Reporter?

[–]rocopotomus 0 points1 point ago

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best use of that book ever - for two reasons: 1. it has booze in it 2. no one will ever steal it from your bookshelf

[–]whoami4546 0 points1 point ago

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How do you cut the pages so cleanly?

[–]reditor_sic 0 points1 point ago

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This is the cleverest gift I've seen for a publishing professional . . . ever. You are awesome.

[–]NoYouAreAwesome 0 points1 point ago

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No, you are awesome.

[–]KamikazeWtrmln 0 points1 point ago

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I did (almost) the exact same thing for my reddit secret santa this year.

[–]hypmoden 0 points1 point ago

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Couldn't spring for the Blue Label?

[–]GrandMasterMara 0 points1 point ago

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Oh look, I thought you gave me a shitty book but instead you gave me a shitty drink...

How thoughtful of you... -_-

[–]gypsythief 0 points1 point ago

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I went to Goodwill to find a book to do this to as a Christmas present for a friend this year as well, and this was the ONLY book I could find that I didn't feel bad destroying.

[–]EasterTroll 0 points1 point ago

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You should have wrote " Hope the sexy shenanigans caused by this drink are still better love stories than twilight".

[–]Leucid 0 points1 point ago

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You spent more on the book than the scotch. Bad form!

[–]Flubbz 0 points1 point ago

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how did you make this?

[–]flesheatingbirds 0 points1 point ago

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Liquor is the new blood.

[–]checkforswampleeches 0 points1 point ago

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so you expect your editor to open this book?

[–]Publius82 0 points1 point ago

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That's a pretty cool gift. Doesn't your editor like good scotch though?

[–]joealarson 0 points1 point ago

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Your editor says "Thaaaanks" and put it on the shelf never to open it. One day it gets chucked in the donation pile and it sits on the shelf at the second hand store with 20 other copies of this book never to be opened by anyone. Ever.

Should have chosen a book your editor might want to open.

[–]bishop252 0 points1 point ago

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I saw the thumbnail and thought to myself, no editor deserves that. Then saw the full picture.

[–]Terazilla 0 points1 point ago

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What did you do to get such a clean-cut hole? I tried something like this a while back and ended up with a much less professional result.

[–]Ferrocile 0 points1 point ago

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That's the only way to read this book.

[–]qualitystreet 0 points1 point ago

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suck

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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even better for this purpose are books by L. Ron Hubbard...

[–]Captcha_Imagination 0 points1 point ago

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It's a cool trend I guess but won't be catching me spending that much on gag packaging

[–]carsontl 0 points1 point ago

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Did you glue all the pages together? What did you cut it with?

[–]veiwtifuljoe 0 points1 point ago

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You better have bought it used ಠ_ಠ

[–]wandering_muppet 0 points1 point ago

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It's a much better use than what I'm using the copy my friend bought me. Mine currently holds my laundry door open on windy days.

And no, I've not read it.

[–]Raptorace22 0 points1 point ago

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Are you Stephanie Meyer? Because I would have a smidgen of respect for you if you were.

[–]SlateRaven -1 points0 points ago

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Johnnie Walker Black? Why not Green?

[–]jenniferkurzava 0 points1 point ago

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Or gold or blue?

[–]SlateRaven -2 points-1 points ago

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Green I think is the best - Blue being right behind it. Black tastes like the sweat off an old man's neck in the middle of summer... same with Red lol

[–]suubz 0 points1 point ago

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Wrong. Both JW Blue Label and Gold Label are considered better than Green Label.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SlateRaven 0 points1 point ago

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Wrong - Gold and black will be more familiar with each other, as they are both blended scotch whiskies, whereas Green is an all-malt (blended). The Green is a heavier drink, whereas the other two are blended with grain whiskey, making the drink a tad bit lighter.

Green gives you a bit of fruity tones, whereas Gold is a smokey flavor, at least what I get from it. Blue is about the best damned on you can get, but IMO, a good single malt is just as enjoyable as JW Blue.

To each his own - there is no "best" whiskey. Each one is favored by different people for different reasons. I enjoy 12 year single malts over 15/18 year blended malts any day...

[–]dethbunny -3 points-2 points ago

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Johnny Walker? Seriously? Don't buy blended scotches.. stick to single malts. Think Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, etc. Life is too short to drink shit scotch from a shit book.

[–]verydangerousasp[S] 6 points7 points ago

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Choice wasn't about quality (the guys I sent these to would drink anything you put in front of them, even if you wrung it out of a bar rag), but rather the bottle size. The JW bottle was the thinnest by a considerable margin--others wouldn't fit the books' width.

[–]dethbunny 0 points1 point ago

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Ah. Fair enough.

[–]gimpwiz 1 point2 points ago

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Eh. Drink whatever you please how it pleases you. We're not wine folk, we're not snobs about it.

But /r/scotch does exist to tell you the same.

[–]daveisgaylol 1 point2 points ago

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Scotch snobs are almost more unbearable than wine snobs. But what all snobs of any flavor needs to realize is that IT ALL GETS YOU DRUNK SO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DRINK.

[–]yolalogan 0 points1 point ago

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Johnny Walker - The Yuengling of scotches

[–]fluxquanta 2 points3 points ago

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So...it's delicious and reasonably priced?

[–]YourMomSaidHi -2 points-1 points ago

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Lmao!!!! He thought it was a stupid gift but it wasn't! Got you good you fucker!

[–]winterandautumn -1 points0 points ago

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Is it seriously just me that hates damaged books?

It's a great, funny idea and I hate Twilight. But the idea of destroying a book, any book, makes me squirm.

[–]ALombardi -1 points0 points ago

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Special?

Black Label? Hell at least get him Red or Green. Fuck make it special and do blue or blue cask...

[–]gtny 0 points1 point ago

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Red is recommended for mixing and considered a lower tier than Black by JW

[–]irrri -2 points-1 points ago

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He said special, not original.

[–]raabbasi -2 points-1 points ago

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Only a half pint? Cheat bastard!

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