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top 200 commentsshow all 415

[–]failbruiser 419 points420 points ago

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the plugs on the bus go up and down

[–]joetromboni 252 points253 points ago

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up and down

[–]dr_wang 241 points242 points ago

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up and down

[–]evanthesquirrel 241 points242 points ago

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the plugs on the bus go up and down

[–]back_spasm 241 points242 points ago

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All through the town.

[–]joetromboni 374 points375 points ago

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nice work everyone, that's a wrap.

[–]carbonari_sandwich 147 points148 points ago

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This could never have happened on 4chan.

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points ago

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frosted butts

[–]all_the_sex 47 points48 points ago

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I am 12 and wat is this.

[–]smdepot 32 points33 points ago

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inb4 everything

[–]zectrum 3 points4 points ago*

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[–]carbonari_sandwich 1 point2 points ago

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They try so hard, but it just degrades into op-is-a-faggotry and porn. Whether or not that is superior to pun threads and memes in even the most fragile and somber of posts - I cannot say.

[–]LaurentPointCa 2 points3 points ago

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C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C---... AM I TOO LATE?

[–]Alexander2011 16 points17 points ago

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Aaand cumshot. Credits.

[–]woll_clark 6 points7 points ago

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All though the brown.

[–]coderascal 2 points3 points ago

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No. No. Absolutely not. My daughter and I sing this song on a daily basis. No.

(it was funny though)

[–]buttplugpeddler 1 point2 points ago

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But not my prices! They're always low, low, low!

[–]streetlight42 148 points149 points ago

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The Joe Rogan bus ride Experience.

[–][deleted] 59 points60 points ago

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"I use a butt plug every day and it's changed my life. Helps me shoot loads into my Fleshlight, which YOU can get at a discount with the promo code 'Joe Rogan Experience.' Wasn't that commercial organic?"

[–]failbruiser 39 points40 points ago

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dmt and butt plugs is a hell of a drug.

[–]greentoof 10 points11 points ago*

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Butt Plugs not even once

[–]LaterGatorPlayer 5 points6 points ago

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Evidently fear (of having your asshole stretched) is not a factor for you.

[–]pwnies 104 points105 points ago

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Butt plugs on a bus - the silver lining to pot holes in the road.

[–]Invented_Origins 30 points31 points ago*

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In places of regular precipitation potholes were once placed at regular intervals along the edges of long, straight roads intentionally. The reason being that any people travelling would eventually need to rid themselves of certain undesirables and could do so in the designated "transit pot-holes" (later abbreviated to just 'potholes') which were designed to flush themselves out quite effectively with rainfall.

Before this practice became the norm, early roadways could quite often become line with human waste, creating a repulsive odor and made for a rather unsightly journey. Now potholes are attributed to defects in the road surface and are not a wanted features of the road network, unless you have a butt plug about your person.

[–]latticusnon 7 points8 points ago

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There are multiple accounts that use this joke and do a much better job.

[–]vcxzfdasrewq 69 points70 points ago

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Now I'm no expert, but is $56 really that good a deal for a butt plug?

[–]thethreadkiller 101 points102 points ago

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I got one for my girl for 23 dollars. But maybe they are priced according to size. That dude looks pretty happy.

[–]dylanfarnum 173 points174 points ago

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for my girl

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT wink

[–]vincent118 114 points115 points ago

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That's what he call his asshole.

[–]ew73 13 points14 points ago

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"Mangina"

[–]Eluriel 6 points7 points ago

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I'm old greeeeg!

[–]BriscoCountyJr 25 points26 points ago

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his 'girl' only winks when he's holding one in...

[–]PhallogicalScholar 9 points10 points ago

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I don't see anything wrong with it. It's nice he teaches his daughter about these things.

[–]DOWNVOTE-BOT 17 points18 points ago

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Boyfriend got one for that price and it gave him an infection, lol. :(

[–]i_shirt_u_not 17 points18 points ago

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fetish ruined

next please

[–]BarryDuffman 7 points8 points ago

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Sounds like he did it wrong ...

[–]thethreadkiller 6 points7 points ago

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Oh dear god.

[–]dangeraardvark 2 points3 points ago

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Always boil your buttplugs.

[–]SonOfDadOfSam 1 point2 points ago

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That's what he gets for buying used.

[–]DOWNVOTE-BOT 1 point2 points ago

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Naw, not used. We think it had something to do with it being made of a porous material. He didn't clean it before he used it (like I fucking told him to, several times).

[–]NaturallyKoishite 3 points4 points ago

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"I told you to clean your butt plug! Did you listen? Noooo."

The foundation to every healthy relationship.

[–]shoelaceninja 8 points9 points ago

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why not put your plug in her butt? save money.

[–]Bored_At_Night 28 points29 points ago

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Your plug can't be two places at once.

[–]Bubblebath_expert 28 points29 points ago

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Challenge accepted.

[–]alez 7 points8 points ago

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[–]odd84 8 points9 points ago

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There are 3 holes to play with. You only have one 'peg'.

[–]Eloquent_Dragon 1 point2 points ago

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Checkmate, christians.

[–]BrianBoyko 12 points13 points ago

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It's New Zealand dollars.

[–]alsorobots 10 points11 points ago

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Depends on the market price of butt plugs. A hard freeze in Florida can kill whole crops of butt plugs.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago*

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Depends a lot on the material. You can pick up some sex toys for very cheap, but they don't last very long and can have rather sketchy materials. Medical grade silicone is expensive, but typically runs for between 40 and about 100 dollars; glass, wood or metal sex toys can cost hundreds of dollars.

[–]comatose_frog 9 points10 points ago

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wood, idunno man, splinters aren't fun when i get em on my hand, can't imagine down there, or up my butt. shudder

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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I would assume they coat them with some sort of varnish. At least, I hope they coat them with some sort of varnish.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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Nope. Roughly shaped cheap plywood.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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The best kind of cheap plywood. For my anus.

[–]likeasomebodie 1 point2 points ago

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First thought: OH SWEET JEBUS DO YOU KNOW WHAT CHEMICALS THEY PUT IN PLYWOOD?

Second thought: OH SWEET JEBUS THAT WOULD HURT SO BADLY.

[–]raziphel 1 point2 points ago

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glass can also be cheap.

[–]Deracination 1 point2 points ago

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Glass is pretty inexpensive, actually. You can get a pyrex one of almost any size for under $40, which is great because they can conceivably last your entire lifetime.

[–]jaaski 17 points18 points ago

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D.Vice is a NZ sex shop. Now, I'm no expert on sex toy pricing, but I imagine that's why the price looks so high.

[–]holyice7 24 points25 points ago

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It's one of the few times you want to spend well on something you're just going to be shoving up your ass.

[–]holysocks 14 points15 points ago

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I don't guy... that guy who had a glass jar crack into pieces in his ass was unfazed and seemed pretty happy

[–]holyice7 7 points8 points ago

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It's one of those times where someone is the exception, rather than the rule.

[–]madsplatter 5 points6 points ago

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I should downvote that comment into bolivian but I upvote. Why? Oh gawd now I watch it. What is wrong with me?

[–]PapsBlurbn 34 points35 points ago

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You could always downvote it into Guatemalan; That wouldn't be so bad.

[–]all_the_sex 8 points9 points ago*

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I paid $8 for mine. It works just fine. It was on sale for half off, so regular price would have been $14.

Edit: As Noname_acc has pointed out, I can't multiply. Regular price would have been sixteen dollars.

[–]Noname_acc 28 points29 points ago

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14/2=8

Yes.

[–]all_the_sex 12 points13 points ago

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Yeah, I'm an idiot. Thank you.

[–]fetchit 7 points8 points ago

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Its nz dollars. At the time it wouldve been around 35 usd

[–]savethecetaceans 12 points13 points ago

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I read "At the time it would've been around 35 used" and got really grossed out for a second.

[–]bsock 2 points3 points ago

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depends on the kind, several of my plugs cost 40+. it all depends on size, material, and manufacturer. if you go with a cheapo jelly rubber plug that will grow bacteria they can be wicked cheap, really good silicone plugs will run you more.

[–]GeneralPlanet 60 points61 points ago

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Raffi nooo!

[–]internetter_ 46 points47 points ago

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Bananaphone set to vibrate.

[–]NonPermissive 274 points275 points ago

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[–]Mr_DNA 299 points300 points ago

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That one makes my vagina hurt, and I'm a man.

[–]Dwight22 114 points115 points ago

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I have something to tell you...

[–]derpiderpiton 7 points8 points ago

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I think your DNA got a bit messed up.. need to get that checked out bro.

[–]Tactful 49 points50 points ago

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"Safe dawg, yalls watching MTV's 'Pimp yo DNA'. What you sayin MC Helicase?"

"We gonna split these chromatids like a fine young ho's shapely legs, you dig?"

"Yeah blud, I get you. Lets get our meiosis on n ting."

[–]MrMackay 1 point2 points ago

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You have both!?

Well, yeah. Doesn't everybody?

Nooo!

[–]u8eR 41 points42 points ago

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This kills the woman.

[–]brotherbond 147 points148 points ago

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Took me waaay too long to realize she's right where one of the posts should be. O_o

[–]ChoxRox 53 points54 points ago

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Thank you for solving this for me.

[–]Andrew_Jay 12 points13 points ago

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Took me a while to get it . . . might take longer to get over it.

[–]Machinax[!] 8 points9 points ago

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Try some of the lube. You'll get over it stat.

[–]Megaspore 7 points8 points ago

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me too!

[–]Thor-V2 58 points59 points ago

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[–]Firerange 197 points198 points ago

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Shes standing up because she didnt use lube. even though there are so many empty seats available .^

[–]Taurath 64 points65 points ago

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Thank you! XD

[–]vierce 28 points29 points ago

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Oooh. I thought one of the poles was somehow up her butt.

[–]Lohengren 6 points7 points ago

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I interpreted this as seeing through the eyes of a rapist as he scopes out his next victim.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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i don't get it ):

[–]prose-before-hoes 460 points461 points ago

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The lube is so great that she was able to firmly pack everybody on the subway into her vagina.

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points ago

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i like this one the best.

[–]DownvoteALot 10 points11 points ago

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Not only did you solve that for me, but I googled "prose before hoes" weeks ago and remember landing on your profile. And so we finally meet.

[–]prose-before-hoes 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Kpyolysis 1 point2 points ago

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RES says I upvote you frequently. I now know why.

[–]prose-before-hoes 1 point2 points ago

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I upvote myself a lot, too.

[–]airdeu 10 points11 points ago

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Hint: why isn't she sitting?

[–]Godssheep 5 points6 points ago

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Why indeed?

And I mean that.

[–]prose-before-hoes 46 points47 points ago

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Cause she had tons o sex and now her asshole done hurtin.

[–]Pecanese 17 points18 points ago

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Because she DIDN'T use the lube. Now she cannot sit in any of those free seats because she is in pain.

[–]LOLSTRALIA 31 points32 points ago

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Because she has lube all over her genitalia from a hard bout of sexual activity, sitting down means she would fall off the seat when the train brakes for the next station.

[–]johnlennin 2 points3 points ago

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And neither of the responses you got are remotely sufficient. I'm in your same boat, I don't get it at all.

[–]tito13kfm 16 points17 points ago

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She got fucked raw so it hurts to sit. That a little more clear now?

[–]MarchingBroadband 5 points6 points ago

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what does it mean?

[–]Shannaniganns 3 points4 points ago

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Double rainbow, all across the sky.

[–]Pointy130 3 points4 points ago

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Not quite getting this one.

[–]spongemonster 4 points5 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]Remaining 26 points27 points ago

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Whenever I go on a bus, there is always someone who is smiling. The whole time. Any bus I go on, there is ALWAYS someone like this.

I will never be able to un-see this. Thanks reddit.

[–]Feisl 91 points92 points ago

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Damn butt plugs for $55.99?? Now I've seen everything.

[–]stiverino 73 points74 points ago

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Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?

[–]nikolei_the_bovinian 54 points55 points ago

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Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

[–]abandonedNL 42 points43 points ago

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Have you ever fired two guns while flying through the air?

[–]lord_nougat 33 points34 points ago

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Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

[–]BearnardOg 19 points20 points ago

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Do you ever watch gladiator movies?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]alsorobots 6 points7 points ago

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Wanna see a magic trick?

[–]thefootman 3 points4 points ago

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Have you seen my keys. It seems i have misplaced them.

[–]bmiddle30 3 points4 points ago

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airplane!

[–]TKOL 7 points8 points ago

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boat!

[–]wheresmyhouse 2 points3 points ago

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train!

[–]HyperbolicGeometry 2 points3 points ago

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trolley!

[–]Retawekaj 30 points31 points ago

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[–]stiverino 14 points15 points ago

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[–]denniedarko 1 point2 points ago

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Do you know how rare it is to find a girl who genuinely loves it up the arse?

[–]NickNameUser 12 points13 points ago

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I'm not paying $55.99 for something I'm just going to shove up my ass.

[–]OrganicCat 27 points28 points ago

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Not even a small Thai hooker?

[–]BoOnDoXeY 21 points22 points ago

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I'm listening...

[–]trevdak2 9 points10 points ago

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That is one expensive-ass butt plug.

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 33 points34 points ago

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Relevant xkcd

Wait....

Nevermind.

[–]Pookie0 15 points16 points ago

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Suddenly, Reddit starts price checking butt plugs. Well done OP.

[–]north24 31 points32 points ago

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here's one for anal beads

[–]TheMediaSays 19 points20 points ago

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Anal bees?

[–]ChrisDuhFir 8 points9 points ago

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Anal BEADS!

[–]AshsToAshs 1 point2 points ago

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Gobs not on board.

[–]amras 1 point2 points ago

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They don't allow you to have bees in here.

[–]nz_force 3 points4 points ago

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Oh lawdy, I can just feel the complaints from the religious conservative even now!

[–]Wthtcat 30 points31 points ago

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He saw the sign that said "Bumpy Road Ahead".

[–]Noel_S_Jytemotiv 49 points50 points ago

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BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE AMAZING BUTT PLUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]DonaldMcRonald 28 points29 points ago

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DO YOU LIKE ANAL PLEASURE? DO YOU HATE BORING BUS RIDES? WELL THEN TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THE BUTT PLUG CAN DO FOR YOU!!!

[–]Boodelijre 13 points14 points ago

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GET ONE NOW AN WE'LL PUT IN A SECOND ONE FOR FREE!!!

[–]tasuret 5 points6 points ago

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I'm reading this in his voice.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

[–]Scarjaka 10 points11 points ago

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Everyone else on that bus looks like they're going to a death camp.

[–]sorenk99 2 points3 points ago

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Have you ever looked at the people on a bus?

[–]newloaf 11 points12 points ago

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Does a buttplug really cost $56?

[–]sirdrizzzle 13 points14 points ago

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My Mt. Vesuvius model with pumice ring cost well over 70.

[–]holyice7 42 points43 points ago

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I hope those are just brand terms, because I don't want to think about a pumice anything coming in contact with my chocolate starfish.

[–]sirdrizzzle 13 points14 points ago

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It exfoliates as it pleasures.

[–]macpatrik 10 points11 points ago

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Call me crazy but I'm not gonna skimp on the thing I'm supposed to shove up my ass.

[–]TheBoldManLaughsOnce 6 points7 points ago

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It's in New Zealand dollars. In USD that's about $44.

[–]bsock 2 points3 points ago

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like all sex toys, they run the range from extremely cheap and crappy (sometimes even dangerous) to not so cheap and not so crappy (see the njoy pure plugs)

[–]ohgeronimo 2 points3 points ago

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I think D.vice (the brand in the ad I believe) is one of the better companies out there as far as toys go. So the prices are generally higher for the quality.

[–]CornFedHonky 3 points4 points ago

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A butt plug costs $55? Damn, seems like something you could make some stuff laying around the house.

[–]all_the_sex 7 points8 points ago

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Have you heard of figging?

[–]CornFedHonky 11 points12 points ago

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Figging is the practice of inserting a piece of ginger root into the anus, vagina or male urethra.

O.o well that last part officially made my dick retreat inside of my body. Hopefully he learns to trust me again and comes back out.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You probably shouldn't stick random stuff you find laying in your house up your ass. For safety reasons such as getting an item stuck to the point where you have to go the emergency room, so everyone will know you stuck something up your butt. Expensive butt plugs are made to be safe.

[–]raziphel 3 points4 points ago

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Indeed. The last thing anyone wants is to be that guy (or gal) in the emergency room having to extract Item X from their orifice.

[–]CornFedHonky 2 points3 points ago

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I'm gonna buy a butt plug, make a mold, and sell them for $25. My legacy will be that I have supplied an affordable butt plug to the masses.

[–]poeta_aburrido 35 points36 points ago

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At first I thought it was talking about ear plugs for some reason, and he was happy because he was blocking the noise.

Then I thought "Wait, he's a little too happy"

reads again "Oh God!"

googles butt plugs "Oh God Why?!"

[–]pwnies 76 points77 points ago

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How did you not know what a butt plug is? And if you didnt, how did you not know what to expect when you googled it?

[–]poeta_aburrido 15 points16 points ago*

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"butt plug" is pretty self-explanatory, my brain for some reason only registered the plug, and figured it meant ear plugs. Also I just never had to google it before..

Edit: and yes, they are much bigger than I thought...

[–]byproxxy 42 points43 points ago

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I'm kind of enchanted at the thought of someone not knowing what a butt plug is. I feel like I want to buy you a teddy bear.

[–]Wirehed 11 points12 points ago

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"Teddy bear."

[–]ApocalypseThen 14 points15 points ago

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and yes, they are much bigger than I thought...

They come in a variety of sizes, actually.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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Some larger than your head.

[–]pgorney 13 points14 points ago

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[–]Thickledorf 5 points6 points ago

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For $55.99 that better be one awesome butt plug, and from the expression on his face I'd say it is.

[–]PirateJesus 5 points6 points ago

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It's 56 New Zealand Dollars, so it's not quite as expensive as you might think

[–]Element0f0ne 4 points5 points ago

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Anyone else see the quest pointers from Skyrim? :/

[–]WildlifeAnalysis 5 points6 points ago

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For those who have worn butt plugs before: does it feel like you have to take a massive dump? Just wondering.

[–]HoboYellow 3 points4 points ago

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Do you want a bag for that?

No thanks...I'll wear it out.

[–]JRWdouble 3 points4 points ago

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Hi, Billy Mays here!

[–]AustinIsTheMann 2 points3 points ago

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TIL that butt plugs are pretty damn expensive.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago*

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So, my journey from this post. I went to the website advertised>clicked on toys and perused a bit>clicked on advice>ended up on an article about "keeping clean during anal play" and finally stopped and asked myself how did I get here? ...oh yeah Reddit.

[–]KJakal 2 points3 points ago

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Twist is everybody besides the guy smiling has one.

[–]wittydrewy 6 points7 points ago

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I don't make that face...

[–]searingsky 18 points19 points ago

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But you do use public transport with a masturbatory toy in your anus?

[–]all_the_sex 7 points8 points ago

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I've done that. Your mileage may vary.

[–]wittydrewy 3 points4 points ago

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How else do you ride a bus?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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i think the most shocking part of this is the price. i've never looked at butt plug pricing, but i never would have thought they start at $55.99!

[–]birdbrainlabs 7 points8 points ago

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In the US they should start around $8 (based on DAVE wholesale prices, I don't have the MSRP).

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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You buy butt plugs wholesale?

[–]birdbrainlabs 8 points9 points ago

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You don't? =)

Birdbrain Labs is a reseller for DAVE, a sex toy manufacturer. Mainly because we're selling an Arduino-controlled vibrator, and needed to buy vibrators by the case.

[–]treydude 8 points9 points ago

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Read as Articuno-controlled. .__.

[–]writesomethingwitty 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah, I never knew that either. I can't wait to tell all my friends at work tomorrow!

[–]Balestar 1 point2 points ago

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New Zealand store, that's $55NZD. That being said, I live in New Zealand and I still wouldn't stick something that cost me $55 up my arse.

[–]dirtysouthdog 11 points12 points ago

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The guy smiling is the only one without a plug

[–]Sodfarm 5 points6 points ago

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He's the one that glued them to the other seats.

[–]reallivenerd 1 point2 points ago

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There's no way I can explain this to customs. :(

[–]Epershand 1 point2 points ago

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"Prolonged use of butt plugs can lead to sphincter detachment or rectal failure..."

[–]ChairmanOfTheFed 1 point2 points ago

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NZ56= USD44.0888

[–]Funkytown 1 point2 points ago

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New Zealand shout out!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I just threw up a little in my mouth, thank you.

[–]TheRush4Vodka 4 points5 points ago

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I was going to make a sex joke... butt fuck it..

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Looks like that bus only serves the attractive side of town. Most of my bus rides feature crazy homeless people who talk to their cat sidekicks.

[–]darlantan 2 points3 points ago

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That's only due to their lack of buttplugs. If they were properly equipped, your ride would be transformed into the one pictured.

[–]MustStopMasturbating 2 points3 points ago

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I don't know what more disturbing: this ad or how much that guy looks like Gerard Butler.

[–]Stiggy1605 8 points9 points ago

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I was thinking Jeffrey Dean Morgan rather than Gerard Butler.

[–]fluffyplague 4 points5 points ago*

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John Winchester might have been a happier guy if he'd been hunting demons with a butt plug crammed up his ass.

Editing to add that maybe John was looking for the wrong kind of Colt for his needs.

[–]Stiggy1605 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe that Colt was the reason that the Comedian always had a smile on his face.

[–]raziphel 1 point2 points ago

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He looks like a bearded Mr. Bean to me. Which is, frankly, terrifying.