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top 200 commentsshow all 278

[–][deleted] 172 points173 points ago

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His mother doesn't know that he's pouring more than the appropriate quantity of water into the flowers!

[–]nachoman456 46 points47 points ago

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Because fuck flowers. Drown those little bastards in their own sorrow. Or water...

[–]melindashmelinda 24 points25 points ago

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Those are his tears he's watering those plants with.

[–]expandingmess 6 points7 points ago

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tears are salty, plants dont like salt

[–]f03nix 13 points14 points ago

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But don't tears have electrolytes ? it's what plants crave ....

[–]melindashmelinda 1 point2 points ago

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exactly.

[–]Mister_OB 1 point2 points ago

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How do you know that plants don't like salt? Has a plant ever turned down mcdonalds French fries, hAve you ever shared your fries with your plant? I didn't think so..... My plants like to dip there fries in milkshakes

[–]Waldheri 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ohmygord 3 points4 points ago

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Bitches don't know 'bout appropriate botanical care.

[–]HMPoweredMan 31 points32 points ago

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Reminds me of the Vegan Black Metal Chef

[–]SpreadShot 5 points6 points ago

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did not know this exist. thank you!

[–]hobovision 2 points3 points ago

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The pad thai one looked so good.

[–]ec534 2 points3 points ago

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crying with laughter from start to finish, thankyou!

[–]DrMopinker 1 point2 points ago

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Or, you know, black metal musicians in general.

[–]Cutsprocket 1 point2 points ago

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that is amazing, so glad you showed me this

[–]marla_singer 0 points1 point ago

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Well, everyone has to eat.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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The yule log video was terrible. Boxed cake mix with aluminum baking powder, an unspecific quantity of egg replacer, and partially hydrogenated frosting.

[–]hardskapunk 0 points1 point ago

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This is awesome, doing some of these this week... Cant wait to follow a recipe with my laptop in the kitchen...

[–]TractorBeamTuesdays 0 points1 point ago

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This is a thing? Apparently this is a thing.

[–]young-earth-atheist 117 points118 points ago

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Grim not brutal. Get your metal sub-genres right.

[–]headless_bourgeoisie 15 points16 points ago

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I also would have accepted "trve", "kvlt", "trve kvlt", or "frostbitten."

[–]Worst_Lurker 2 points3 points ago

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ist krieg

[–]Geognosy 13 points14 points ago

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Came here to say this. Also, magawagawaga invisible orb mawaga.

[–]WarPhalange 11 points12 points ago

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Grim? I thought it was kvlt?

[–]Thryck 5 points6 points ago

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Tr00story?

[–]nothas 3 points4 points ago

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grim would work better too because then it would rhyme

[–]AlbinoTunalips 1 point2 points ago

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Jeez, everyone is so ignorant right?

[–]young-earth-atheist 1 point2 points ago

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Absolutely.

[–]TheBamf 2 points3 points ago

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This man speaks the truth.

[–]CacophonyForever 3 points4 points ago*

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the brutal truth?

(not sure if I'm getting downvoted because people don't get the reference, of people think I'm implying brutal truth are death and/or black metal)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Prometheus: The Discipline of Fire & Demise

That album is amazing.

[–]nichols28049 1 point2 points ago

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KRIEG!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Can we just call it metal and be done with it?

I hate how everything is subsectioned to hell. I'm looking at you, techno.

[–]mongo_lloyd 5 points6 points ago

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I'm looking at you, techno.

You probably mean electronic dance music, not techno.

[–]acdcfanbill 0 points1 point ago

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it's human nature to categorize things. it's also human nature to argue incessantly over said categorizations. :P

[–]jamesneysmith 0 points1 point ago

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Is the word 'brutal' only associated with one type of metal? My knowledge of metal doesn't extend beyond metalocalypse so I just thought it was a catch-all term for 'being metal'.

[–]headless_bourgeoisie 15 points16 points ago

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Actually, yes, it's generally reserved for Death Metal.

[–]rocketsfall 3 points4 points ago

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Yeap, you are correct. Death metal=brutal, Black metal=kvlt and grim

[–]BrickWiggles 2 points3 points ago

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I was gonnna call him a young Nathan Explosion. :(

[–]walkingtheriver 40 points41 points ago

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Kvlt and trve flowerwatering \m/

[–]davaca 8 points9 points ago

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gardening ist krieg

[–]Irongrip 0 points1 point ago

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You people should try keeping a garden free of weeds. Sometimes it really feels like war.

[–]andrewsmith1986 161 points162 points ago

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[–]DrPeacemaker 39 points40 points ago

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That face is the last thing you see before you die.

[–]Mezolithic 46 points47 points ago

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I cried inside at the idea of that thing being called a goth.

[–]IrrigatedPancake 37 points38 points ago

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A goth would cry inside.

[–]ImADouchebag 22 points23 points ago

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A true Goth would cry. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goths

[–]epicGOPfail 11 points12 points ago

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what about Goethe?

what would Goethe do?

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Write some epic shit I guess.

[–]epicGOPfail 12 points13 points ago

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In that case, what would Brian Boitano do?

[–]FunkManiac 6 points7 points ago

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I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!

[–]sp4ce 3 points4 points ago

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shut your fucking face

[–]chimp_sperm 2 points3 points ago

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uncle fucka

[–]Fideon 2 points3 points ago

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What would Goatse do?

[–]Bubbascrub 1 point2 points ago

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Stretched asses I guess.

[–]Fideon 2 points3 points ago

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That's Brutal

[–]broshave 0 points1 point ago

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what would The Goat do?

[–]elvisliveson 0 points1 point ago

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under a gingko tree

[–]theAlphaginger 1 point2 points ago

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What about Visigoths?

[–]depanneur 6 points7 points ago

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Visigoth means "Western Goth" while Ostrogoth means "Eastern Goth". The more you know...

[–]ImADouchebag 0 points1 point ago*

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Read the article.

Edit: Oh come on, it's in the fucking article.

The Goths were an East Germanic tribe of Scandinavian origin whose two branches, the Visigoths and the Ostrogoths, played an important role in the fall of the Roman Empire and the emergence of Medieval Europe.

[–]Takes_Literally 1 point2 points ago

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Ahh yes, the internal tear glands.

[–]elvisliveson 0 points1 point ago

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no time to cry

[–]kruksog 2 points3 points ago

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I know goths (who do the whole bauhaus, sisters of mercy thing) who love metal. Not everyone pigeonholes themselves.

[–]KnuckleDraggingGamer 3 points4 points ago

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Does goth still exist? I thought it got annexed by emo or something.

[–]femaiden 1 point2 points ago

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Well he's not really a metal fan. Slip Not on my watch.

[–]jorellh 0 points1 point ago

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back in my day, goth was emo

[–]The_athiest_atheist -1 points0 points ago

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Fyi, real Goths don't listen to slipknot or marilyn manson..

[–]Mezolithic 0 points1 point ago

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I know, which is why i cried.

[–]rootR 51 points52 points ago

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slipknot =/= black metal. There is respectable black metal. There is not respectable slipknot.

[–]andrewsmith1986 24 points25 points ago

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I never said it was.

[–]rootR 1 point2 points ago

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misread your comment.

promptly bahleted mine.

[–]patternfall 4 points5 points ago

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There is respectable black metal

No.

[–]RobbyTheSheef 1 point2 points ago

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Why not?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Emperor would like to have a word with you.

[–]headless_bourgeoisie 0 points1 point ago

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Enslaved.

[–]Iosethos 0 points1 point ago

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I do not have numbers? I’m always concerned that the Mystic Enforcer was going to the branch I opened it stamp to know how effective it was. I signed them and they arrived at Job Net that was going on with the collections person is lying, someone types of cards.

[–]slyguy183 37 points38 points ago

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[–]betterthanthee 12 points13 points ago

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Pobrecito :(

[–]bocanegra 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah, I was thinking about this. Is OP's picture a reference to the Jorge meme (very popular in mexico, for those non-mexican redditors) or just a coincidence? Or is that phrase that common?

[–]omnilynx 1 point2 points ago

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It's definitely a reference. I'm not sure if OP intended us to know about the original or not, though.

[–]JSKlunk 0 points1 point ago

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I came here to mention this.

[–]Obscura48 13 points14 points ago

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Emperor!!!!!!!!!!

[–]hurcules_rockefeller 11 points12 points ago

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HAIL EMPEROR!

[–]Worst_Lurker 0 points1 point ago

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I am Sworn to them

[–]sjcalavera 22 points23 points ago

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Emperor rules.

[–]jetaimemina 24 points25 points ago

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By definition, yes.

[–]SyntheticDeath 1 point2 points ago

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Yes they do.

[–]fuck__karma 18 points19 points ago

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Based on this.

[–]Rorkimaru 36 points37 points ago

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Personally I like images like this. They remind me never to judge someone's character based on their choice of image. This guy could have an interest in gardening, he could spend a few hours a week maintaining his grandmother's garden to keep her happy. Either way, it shows you there's more to him than death metal.

This image more than any other is my go to picture to remind myself never to judge a book by its cover.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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black metal

[–]Obnobs 25 points26 points ago

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Many Punks are actually chill people.

[–]monkeymagoo 7 points8 points ago

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Agreed. Especially the more modern wave of punks, who are into the underground newschool hardcore (Ceremony, Trash Talk, Extortion, Caustic Christ, etc.) are usually some of the most chill, burnt out people you'll ever meet. When they are having fun, however, they become violent maniacs who will fuck up all the shit.

At least, judging by the scene in my city.

[–]patternfall 4 points5 points ago

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...burnt out people

Really, is it a compliment to call someone "burnt out" now?

I've never heard that referenced in a positive way.

[–]monkeymagoo 1 point2 points ago

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wasn't really a compliment, just something i've noticed about the punks in my area. In a way its kind of a good thing, since burnouts tend to be a lot calmer than most

[–]rocketsfall 1 point2 points ago

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Minneapolis punks are some of the coolest, most down to earth people i've ever met.

[–]fishsmash 1 point2 points ago

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Most, almost all of them

[–]Cornered_rat 1 point2 points ago

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except the ones that aren't, those guys aren't very chill.

[–]JSKlunk 1 point2 points ago

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I consider myself to be quite a chill and friendly guy, but I listen to some pretty violent music. I find it quite funny because most people wouldn't expect it.

[–]wonderwoman888 1 point2 points ago

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Agreed. We're all multifaceted creatures.

[–]Ququmatz 1 point2 points ago

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On the flip side, I am a relatively normal-looking person and I hate children.

[–]guestacc 1 point2 points ago

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But punk is grounded in more socio-political viewpoints, that hold ground in our modern society.
Blackmetal is just silly. :p

[–]Grullok 3 points4 points ago

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I'm sure You know all about black metal.

[–]guestacc 1 point2 points ago

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Thanks! Getting that PhD in Black Metallogy wasn't easy.

[–]Worst_Lurker 2 points3 points ago

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he is kvlt

[–]Rorkimaru 0 points1 point ago

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Nah, goths etc can be really nice people. First time I hung out in a metal bar I was terrified then I realised that they're nice people that just choose an alternative image to project

[–]leif777 0 points1 point ago

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Does that sign say "La Maison Slave"?...

[–]Rorkimaru 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/m0ng/2321362919/

It does but it means "Slavic" not slave. You can't half translate and expect full meaning.

[–]davendak -1 points0 points ago

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Punks.. are generally really awesome, cool, (and cute people).

[–]Chuglugluglo 7 points8 points ago

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What do you mean? Gardening is totally brutal. Why look, it's Gaahl mowing the lawn!

[–]IrrigatedPancake 6 points7 points ago

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The nectar of life flows from pain.

[–]fasda 9 points10 points ago

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Those are annuals he's growing them to watch as they die when winter arrives.

[–]karabeckian 5 points6 points ago

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Impatiens are metal as fuck.

[–]Stinkupuss 4 points5 points ago

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Why the fuck do I see people talking about goth? The picture shows a guy in black metal attire. Nothing goth you ignorant retards.

[–]patternfall -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, shame on people for not keeping up with the lingo that is obviously common knowledge.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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He appears to be awaiting the frozen blasphemy of the Necroyeti's lusting necrobation upon the Altar of Voxrfszzzisf.

[–]fross 0 points1 point ago

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Too many vowels, should be "Vyxrfszzzysf"

[–]wilsonism 4 points5 points ago

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He feeds the flowers from the urn of blasphemer's soul's. His mom got it on discount.

[–]CthuluHoops 2 points3 points ago

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The most Grimm frost bitten petunias of all time

[–]SuperDestructo 4 points5 points ago

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Being from Florida, it must suck for black metal fans. Try to be grim and frostbitten and you end up sweaty and sunburned... Stupid Cascadians... hogging all the kvlt...

[–]femaiden 3 points4 points ago

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Swing on over to r/metal if you're into it. Also r/headbangtothis. Fair amount of elitists though. Might want to leave your nu metal and post black album Metallica at home.

[–]Worst_Lurker 0 points1 point ago

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post it to r/metalmemes too

[–]medlish 9 points10 points ago

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Watering flowers ist Krieg!

[–]disc2k 8 points9 points ago

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[–]KallistiEngel 6 points7 points ago

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I saw your link said AFI and was initially not going to click. But then I did and found that it was actually a decent song. I guess they weren't shitty emo crap back then?

[–]disc2k 16 points17 points ago

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ya i liked them before they were popular

afi hipster

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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Their first few albums were pretty legit. They were the first band I ever got really into. I confess I still spin Sing the Sorrow from time to time, but I just can't get into anything they've put out after that. They're dead to me.

[–]davepople 3 points4 points ago

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I remember when i first heard that Miss Murder song and saw the film clip, i thought... hang on, how is it possible that this Emo band can call themselves AFI when there was a mildly popular skate punk group (signed to Nitro Records - Dexter from Offspring's label) from the late 90's called AFI, turns out they are the same group...

I never liked them back them but i was amazed by the transformation

[–]dermballs 2 points3 points ago

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If you listen to their music the transition was pretty organic. Also the band have always done some pretty major turn arounds in their sound every two or three albums.

[–]MBSquared 2 points3 points ago

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Black Sails in the Sunset is an incredible album, as is a few of theirs before they became a shitty emo crap band.

[–]jamesneysmith 1 point2 points ago

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They used to kick ass. Their transition into whateverthefuck was very disheartening to me and my skateboarder friends.

[–]rootR -1 points0 points ago

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death to false emo.

r/emoscreamo

[–]misappeal 0 points1 point ago

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yessssssssssss

[–]malletman45 2 points3 points ago

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He filled that watering can with tears anyway, from when he sliced onions for that night's quiche.

[–]carpeDeezNuts 1 point2 points ago

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"Oh, it's just a phase sweet Jacob will grow out of soon."

[–]Worst_Lurker 0 points1 point ago

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[–]lskalt 1 point2 points ago

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[http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/j5q1f/mom_accept_that_i_am_pokemon/](He's probably the brother of the fellow whose mother won't accept that he's Pokemon.)

[–]KallistiEngel 6 points7 points ago

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You linked wrong. You got the order of the brackets right, but put the wrong thing in each. Switch them and you should be golden.

[–]hobovision 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Haerverk 1 point2 points ago

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Haha, I actually know her ....

[–]GernBlanstonInLove 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Lesdixia 3 points4 points ago

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Emperor?

NOT KVLT ENOUGH.

[–]hurcules_rockefeller -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah because why listen to In The Nightside Eclipse when you can listen to a Nazi scream about Ea, Lord of the Deep?

[–]lawtonaaj 3 points4 points ago

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gardening ist krieg

[–]b36 2 points3 points ago

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that's not goth, it's black metal! Learn the difference, people!

[–]cake4chu 2 points3 points ago

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"Can't believe I have to water the fucking plants to get my allowance. Fucking Hate you MOM, so not metal."

[–]Redebo 4 points5 points ago

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He is watering Nightshade, one of the deadliest plants known to man. Later he plans to eat it while listening to Slayer backwards. That is how brutal he is.

[–]Smorsh 1 point2 points ago

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That isn't a Jacob. That's Nathan Explosion, down to the facepaint.

[–]SmilesTheEnt 1 point2 points ago

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haha suburban blackmetal kids

[–]OP_is_a_f4g 1 point2 points ago

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Kvlt as fuck.

[–]nascasta 1 point2 points ago

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Is this Nicholas Cage's kid or something?

*EDIT Preston... http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/preston__oPt.jpg

[–]beansarnett 2 points3 points ago

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....What

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Octopuscabbage 9 points10 points ago

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It was really just nick in disguise, he was trying to find the lost black metal treasure.

[–]skyshock21 0 points1 point ago

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True story, his mom is banging Shagrath from Dimmu Borgir. http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/09/18/idUS104496+18-Sep-2008+PRN20080918

[–]Vaeltaja 0 points1 point ago

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Is there an original of this image (of this size)?

[–]thenagainmaybenot 0 points1 point ago

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What do you mean an original? What do you think has been edited?

edit: Oh wait! The caption. Carry on.

[–]22justin 0 points1 point ago

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not brutal enough

[–]10tothe24th 0 points1 point ago

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Wait til mom finds out he's been watering those flowers... with acid.

[–]anonymous123421 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck, you're on a role man_in_the_mirra

[–]beenhazed 0 points1 point ago

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Watering plants. Brutal.

[–]wdejr 0 points1 point ago

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[–]snouzer 0 points1 point ago

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this was the jorge reference right

[–]A6inger 0 points1 point ago

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By judging the flowers I believe that soil is right in the 5.5-7.5 ph scale perfect

[–]oeuvre 0 points1 point ago

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Flowers? How bout some apricots instead?

[–]MetalheadNick 0 points1 point ago

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i just found my new wallpaper

[–]Kaithor 0 points1 point ago

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hahahahhahahaha just saw this for the second time and it still cracked me up!

[–]iruber1337 0 points1 point ago

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Is this from the Goth2Boss promo video?

[–]HarlequinValentine 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sure this has been on Black Metallers Doing Normal Shit. I do love that blog.

[–]AloeRP 0 points1 point ago

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That made me think of This

[–]Didgeridoox 2 points3 points ago

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It should remind you of this

[–]Worst_Lurker 0 points1 point ago

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or this

[–]JumpinJackHTML5 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Someone is really good at making the front page...

[–]Like_A_Bosstonian 0 points1 point ago

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watering the plants.. so brutal. -N. Explosion

[–]Jaymaster1 0 points1 point ago

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Living in the burbs with no crime, plenty food, water, shelter, and people who love you must be really depressing.

[–]1alex1 -4 points-3 points ago

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really? this made the front page?

[–]FetusExecutioner -3 points-2 points ago

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Am I the only one who thinks this is a girl?