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all 117 comments

[–]gotfondue 51 points52 points ago

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The only thing I picked up on was "JEWBABY"

[–]krl1327 14 points15 points ago

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Me too, babaroo!

[–]Flopsey 2 points3 points ago

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Argh damn you horribly hilarious pet name. Now jewbaby is something I'm going to want to use ironically. This will not end well.

[–]bobdahobo 2 points3 points ago

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That's all I got from it too

[–]amalashock 94 points95 points ago

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Yeah, seriously. Anybody who doesn't believe in paragraphs should be shot and killed on the spot.

[–]antonbe 12 points13 points ago

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What the fuck, I wanted to stab her.

[–]patternfall 2 points3 points ago

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Not only that, but then we're treated to a giant pic of a wall of text.

Not reading that. Someone give me a TLDR.

[–]rcon1021 2 points3 points ago

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tl;dr: bitch broke up with loyal boyfriend, goes out of her bitch-ho way to make sure she crushes his spirit and life

[–]scdozer435 2 points3 points ago

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She's a bitch.

[–]patternfall 0 points1 point ago

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Whew. Thanks.

[–]thisisnotthought 66 points67 points ago

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This sounds like it was written by Jon, who is losing his grip on reality.

[–]ZosoCub 30 points31 points ago

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I am Jon's broken heart (read in the voice of Edward Norton)

[–]idacalledyouwoodyjoe 6 points7 points ago

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you didn't need the part in parenthesis. read it in his voice anyway.

[–]R0oskie91 1 point2 points ago

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Makes me think of Annabel Lee.

[–]albertcamusjr 2 points3 points ago

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I just. I don't even. Perfect.

"I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love- I and my Annabel Lee"

[–]IAMAfecaleater 1 point2 points ago

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Expect that Annabel Lee died of pneumonia instead of running off with and screwing a bunch of other dudes.

[–]uhhhclem 35 points36 points ago

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When self-absorbed men get a hold of their ex-girlfriend's Facebook password the result is just as boring and self-justifying as you'd expect.

[–]wakeentry 30 points31 points ago

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Thats not funny.

[–]Anemoi523 3 points4 points ago

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Someone please take her out back and tie her tubes.

The last thing we need is a bitch like this procreating

[–]NiteShadeX2 1 point2 points ago

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Why not? Her spawn would make excellent politicians.

[–]wakeentry 0 points1 point ago

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I'm willing to pitch in for the procedure.

[–]warmfruit 10 points11 points ago

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hi jon

[–]bassjunkie 21 points22 points ago

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Anyone else notice she refers to it as "our fraternity"? This is written by Jon or one of his frat brothers.

[–]francofjlc 5 points6 points ago

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It could be a co-ed fraternity...there is a co-ed business fraternity at my college.

[–]Kevin_Wolf 1 point2 points ago

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How is it still called a fraternity? Shouldn't it be, like, a fellowship or something?

[–]francofjlc 1 point2 points ago

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You would think so, honestly I don't know why it's still called a fraternity, but for some reason they still are called a fraternity. Here is the fraternity's website.

[–]RubberPsycho 23 points24 points ago

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Why is this even in r/funny? I dont understand whats so funny about some bitch breaking a nice guys heart because she was apparently bored

[–]Vastador 9 points10 points ago

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[–]sheepdog69 0 points1 point ago

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And it was still only 7 hours ago?

[–]Squaredude 7 points8 points ago

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How I pity your foolish human emotions.

[–]killerstaplegun 23 points24 points ago

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shes in Florida....wheres Dexter?

[–]ZeeHanzenShwanz 5 points6 points ago

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Even though all my friends tell me it's ok to do what i'm doing

Anyone else cringe especially hard on that one?

[–]conanarama 6 points7 points ago

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I stopped reading since my eyes were going crossed from the wall of text. But yes, I can believe it.

And is his sweater tucked into his pants?

[–]krl1327 3 points4 points ago

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That's grounds for leaving him right there!

[–]Catwoman8888 6 points7 points ago

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wow dude, no matter what this girl did, putting up her real name on reddit makes you just as low as her.

[–]SionGWN 0 points1 point ago

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That may be so. But can you deny that she deserves what's coming to her?

[–]croutonsaredelicious 2 points3 points ago

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Personal information...

[–]boblahblah101 2 points3 points ago

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Being as neither profile is currently on facebook I'm pretty sure there's no harm.

[–]Omega338 1 point2 points ago

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Unbelievable!!!

[–]SteveSeeksArete 1 point2 points ago

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Block the personal information as odds are, she didn't write this & someone on reddit can easily find her with what you've given. Whoever wrote this thought the internet was very gullible, which it is, but there's also an element of psycho. The small percentage that are gullible psychos now pose a threat to her well being.

[–]maximx1 1 point2 points ago

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My Cunt-faced ex did something similar. Just 9 guys whored within 6 months after I finally told her to stay the fuck away.

[–]Erilacity 1 point2 points ago

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If your Jon, I hope you get better :) At some point you will get over that crazy bitch and live life at the fullest again. Easy for me to say, but I really hope you pull through.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What's sad is that she wouldn't understand what she's doing until some guy does it to her.

Trick is, no guy would, 'cause she's eye candy.

[–]idacalledyouwoodyjoe 1 point2 points ago

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i think just calling her a cunt would have sufficed...no need for the long diatribe

[–]Speedyx 1 point2 points ago

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Payback will be a bitch when the new guy fucks the shit out of her and then leaves her for a new girl. She will never know what love will ever be.

[–]greenvest 1 point2 points ago

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I would have sex with her.

[–]Lilgherkin 0 points1 point ago

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As would I.

[–]trav1sss 0 points1 point ago

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I did.

[–]FNIC 1 point2 points ago

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how the fuck is this funny?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Good for this chick; I couldn't even get halfway through Jon's insane wall of text before I wanted to crush his whiny-assed soul myself.

Also, OP is a fucking class act putting all this personal shit on reddit.

[–]SonCaligula 4 points5 points ago

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I'm not saying the girl's not a bitch....

But John sure does look like a douche.

And yes his sweater's tucked into his pants.

[–]SF-BountyHunter 4 points5 points ago

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That guy isn't Johnathan. It's Dor, the dude she left John for.

[–]SonCaligula -1 points0 points ago

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I'm not so sure about that. If you notice this chick looks a lot younger in the first picture, maybe even two years younger, and the guy looks a lot younger as well. I'm pretty sure that's her and John in two different pictures.

[–]SF-BountyHunter 0 points1 point ago

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Well the only reason I say that is because the first picture says it's Dor and when I looked him up on facebook, the second picture was his profile pic.

[–]SonCaligula 0 points1 point ago

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touche

[–]SuperSmashBrother 3 points4 points ago

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Looks like Jon got some sand in his Vagina.

[–]TheBoss157 1 point2 points ago

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Lik dis if u cry ery tiem.

[–]Yazzz 3 points4 points ago

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She's ugly anyway.

[–]SHE_LOVES_YOU 0 points1 point ago

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No she isn't.

[–]HardFlaccid 4 points5 points ago

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Tl;DR: Some crazy psycho chick dated a dude for two years. He loves her unconditionally, she goes out of her way to literally make this guys life a living hell. He wants to get back together, she wants to crush him.

[–]mychocolatemilkshake 5 points6 points ago

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Bitches ain't worth it, goin gay!

[–]Aredditnub -1 points0 points ago

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Bitches ain't shit.

[–]Kitty_Kat_kat 1 point2 points ago

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Can't tell if trolling or just mentally ill...

[–]mrkingsize 1 point2 points ago

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lol jewbaby

[–]Nivra 3 points4 points ago

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Am I the only one that thinks the guys look exactly the same?

[–]SF-BountyHunter 3 points4 points ago

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Both of them are Dor.

[–]triit 1 point2 points ago*

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Wait, where are these lingerie parties????

[–]El_Corrector 2 points3 points ago

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IGNORE. This is either fake or a vile transgression into this girl's privacy, despite her alleged behavior. Some things just ain't the internet's bidness.

[–]Ireball -1 points0 points ago

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Although I agree with you to a certain extent, I'd like to point out that assuming that this is all true and was really written by said person, it was posted on facebook and was accessed by SOMEONE, whether that be the guy, girl, or someone who is facebook friends with them. Anything posted on facebook is now property of the internet, which is a public domain, and when you put something, whatever it may be, or however "private" you think it is, it's now subject to be read and reacted to by any one of the billions of people (Like you and me who have both read the alleged post) who have access to the web. I am in no way saying I plan on taking any actions against this person, nor am I encouraging anyone else to, but I would hardly any said acts a "vile transgression into this girl's privacy".

[–]El_Corrector 0 points1 point ago

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Then you and I have a different idea of people's reasonable rights to privacy. So it goes.

[–]thefirebuilds 1 point2 points ago

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oh I can believe it, but there are more cunts to bang.

[–]some1american 0 points1 point ago

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I'm not understanding how this is an apology.

[–]theseus82 0 points1 point ago

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Is this real? I can't believe this is. edit: I couldn't find a single Shera Shaul on FB, so I'm guessing it's FAKE.

[–]Pinwurm 0 points1 point ago

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I know guys who went through the same shit Jon did. Shit's tough.

/biiiitch.

[–]sandman0893 0 points1 point ago

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tl;dr

Sorry about that.

[–]Starbanned 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah she was a bitch, but he cried for three weeks straight? Sounds like he's a bitch too. She kissed another at prom and he stayed with her. If he was smart he would have dumped her ass and found a girl who was worth it.

[–]WarPhalange 0 points1 point ago

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I am not reading that wall of text, go fuck yourself.

[–]FunnyjunkBlows 0 points1 point ago

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TL;DR

[–]funkbitch 0 points1 point ago

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Am I..missing something here? This is funny? Also... jewbaby?

I'm so confused.

[–]Fallingdamage 0 points1 point ago

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Sounds like he was a real tool. Women dont have any respect for guys like that.

[–]NiteShadeX2 0 points1 point ago

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A bitch and a pussy.

21st centuries Beauty and the Beast...

[–]OrthodoxAtheist 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like this is his first girlfriend... i.e., he's new/terrible/desperate at this. I was pretty much the same with my first gf. Then I met a girl who blows away the first in every regard, and now I couldn't be happier. That first girlfriend... mid 40's and single and alone now. Karma catches up with people like this. She did him a big favor... no-one needs a bitch like that in their life.

[–]DeDo01318 0 points1 point ago

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you should post a link to her facebook, so Reddit can spam and tell her off. Why would anyone want to date this bitch anyway?

[–]PooPooFaceMcgee 0 points1 point ago

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It will be funny when she has to pay to get her STD's cleaned up

[–]veedubbin86 0 points1 point ago

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shoot her?

[–]aliensarehere 0 points1 point ago

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i can relate a bit to jon lol but now I know better.... i learned my lesson

[–]rageingnonsense -1 points0 points ago

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I had a girl do similar to me in college (well, college time. she went and I didn't). It wasn't until I finally didn't care if she was in my life or not that she turned up again, looking to reconnect. She missed "us". I told her to go fuck herself.

Funny enough, several years later, I jerked off in her mouth. A few weeks later was the last conversation we ever had. I call that closure.

[–]Pinwurm 1 point2 points ago

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Awesome story. Upvote deserved!

[–]Unasinous -2 points-1 points ago

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Bam

[–]aalen56 0 points1 point ago

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Cool story bro.

[–]Unasinous 0 points1 point ago

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I know it's common sense, easier said than done, etc, but dude should get over it. Looks like he wrote that whole thing, which really isn't helping anything other than making himself look more pathetic. I foresee him moving on from her and entering the fuck bitches, get money stage of life. A stage I am currently in.

[–]le_troll 0 points1 point ago

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Sounds like every girl I've dated but only difference is I had the support of Mary Jane such a wonderful girl

[–]RADARrevolt 0 points1 point ago

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Why is this bitch still living?

[–]pathoszero -1 points0 points ago

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what a b-word

[–]IHazTehCat[!] -1 points0 points ago

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Tl;Dr

[–]djacobson86 0 points1 point ago

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[–]DeemSleep[S] -1 points0 points ago

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yeah thats because this just popped on a thread in 4chan about an hour ago

[–]boredkid03 -1 points0 points ago

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i really hope she dies :)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]coppawalal -1 points0 points ago

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no kidding.

[–]USSChuckNorris -3 points-2 points ago

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we should break her

[–]Jinxo2 -1 points0 points ago

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Hit-man Hitler could solve this in a flash.

[–]jakemyers7 -4 points-3 points ago

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dudes a fag

[–]RIPoldAccount -2 points-1 points ago

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Possibly the most sadistic story ever told on facebook.

[–]Tritavius -2 points-1 points ago

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She is probably an undiagnosed sociopath.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy

[–]mostoriginalusername -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, mine did something like this a few weeks ago, except she fucked my best friend of like 6 years the very next day.

[–]lightbreaksthrough -1 points0 points ago

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She thinks a lot of herself, doesn't she?

[–]ahanissian17 -1 points0 points ago

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Some people shouldn't be allowed to exist.

[–]Lilgherkin 0 points1 point ago

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Are you saying that people that share traits with Sarah Shaul shouldn't exist?

[–]ahanissian17 0 points1 point ago

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I feel like whatever I was going to say would offend you. And now I feel I didn't use correct grammar. So how about I just not talk ever again...

[–]TheGlade3 -5 points-4 points ago

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It shit like this that makes me want to commit murder.

[–]SocialAnimal -5 points-4 points ago

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reading this made my heart sink to the lowest point in the damp, empty cavity that is my body. Given the chance I shall avenge Jon!!! AVENGE HIM!!!!

[–]tossout201 -2 points-1 points ago

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Her new bf "Dor" looks like a lesbian.

[–]piledriver413 -2 points-1 points ago

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girls do this shit all the time. yeah shes a fucking cunt for doing that shit, but he's being a little bitch. man up and fuck some girls right in front of her, see how she feels then

[–]nmoyer12 -3 points-2 points ago

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holy bitch batman