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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]mermadon 718 points719 points ago

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The thing that always struck me as being most implausible about those books was the idea that someone would be willing to sit through high school more than once.

[–]el0rg 329 points330 points ago

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[–]Beezle 135 points136 points ago

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Alright, alright, alright.

[–]montyy123 64 points65 points ago

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Okay now ladies,

[–]FuglyShmugly 51 points52 points ago

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I see we gon' break it down in just a few seconds

[–]Nomtaro 65 points66 points ago

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GIMME SOME SUGAR

I AM YO NEIGHBOR

[–]I_am_the_cheese 50 points51 points ago

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What's cooler than being cool?!?!

[–]anxiousalpaca 10 points11 points ago

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so did you bang her yet?

[–]YawnSpawner 2 points3 points ago

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You roused enough interested from me to go looking, apparently she did an AMA 4 days ago.

TL;DR Nope, sorry.

[–]cutofmyjib 46 points47 points ago

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ICE COLD!

[–]sweenster 33 points34 points ago

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ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

[–]ohnoiamaseed 26 points27 points ago

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SHAKE IT, SHAKE-SHAKE IT

[–]dszordan 8 points9 points ago

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Que the following:

Screenshot the following above thread

Upload to imgur

Post to Reddit

Name it: "This is why I love Reddit."

[–]MrJoeBlow 4 points5 points ago

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Hey! You seem familiar...

[–]Dontinquire 2 points3 points ago

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I wonder if we can upvote you out of the friendzone....

[–]xaronax 4 points5 points ago

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Lend me some sugar.

[–]wy1d0 2 points3 points ago

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Don't make me break it down fo nuttin

[–]wy1d0 1 point2 points ago

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I wanna see ya on yo baddest behavya

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What is cooler than cool?!!?

[–]FlatlanderMachine 4 points5 points ago

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Good movie.

For those wondering, it's Dazed and Confused. If you haven't seen it yet do it now.

[–]RIP_Porkins 2 points3 points ago

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They get older...he stays the same age. I guess it works both ways though.

[–]mendicant1116 9 points10 points ago

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"Hey you got any weed?"

[–]sanders81 15 points16 points ago

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No, not on me, man.

[–]3Dawg 21 points22 points ago

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Be a lot cooler if ya did

[–]s1pher 16 points17 points ago

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touches nose (whenever i watch dazed and confused we drink whenever he touches his nose. sure get some drunk)

[–]crow_jane 4 points5 points ago

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I love it when he pinches his nose to show his frustration. Like when he is all mad at his sister for telling them to go easy on him. It's laughably bad acting.

(Still love the movie, though.)

[–]Clbull 2 points3 points ago

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"Don't forget to bring a towel!"

[–]AlwaysHere202 156 points157 points ago

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I don't know. It wouldn't take too many times before you knew pretty much every high school subject, in and out, and knew which classes to take that usually require little to no work. It would be a breeze to skate through classes...

Then if you're a pedobear who looks the same age as the girls you're interested in, you are sticking yourself in a target rich environment with little responsibility.

That was the only part of the story I could relate to...

Oops, I mean that sparkly is one sick fuck!

[–]StabbyPants 70 points71 points ago

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except that he was a 100 year old virgin - you're doing it wrong, sparkly!

[–]dsoi 24 points25 points ago

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Really? I mean, I've never read the books and I only saw a little of the first movie, but... how?

[–]HyperChondriac 38 points39 points ago

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No blood

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

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A flaccid dick has never stopped me before

[–]Pajamas_ 18 points19 points ago

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No blood No heart-beat.

I try to explain to people that vampires cannot have sex. Their lore states that any and all enjoyment/nourishment they could have gained from eating/drinking/sex/drugs comes from the consumption of blood.

No heartbeat = no erection = no sex.

In this scenario however, it has something to do with strength and how he'd wind up murdering anyone he tried to bone.

[–]cmfrtblynmb 37 points38 points ago

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No heartbeat also means no walking, talking, thinking...etc. Sex is not any different than those activities in terms of a need for beating heart.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Stop trying to bring logic to the conversation.

[–]Pajamas_ 6 points7 points ago

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No heartbeat also means no walking, talking, thinking

Well, they're dead.

So in terms of a beating heart, sure. I'll give it to you.

But, one can argue that they shouldn't be able to do any of those things - which makes sense since vampires are not real. But for lore-value, sex is different in that it is an extra-curricular activity, and one that they do not find any enjoyment in. Any pleasure one would receive from having sex is replaced with feeding on blood.

[–]HyperChondriac 1 point2 points ago

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Couldn't he just lay there and have her do all the work? Does his dick have super strength too? I'm imagining a sort of catapulting situation.

[–]UnderCoverMother 1 point2 points ago

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Meh. Sex doesn't necessarily equal penetration. Granted, I haven't read the books and don't have any idea what they are claiming to have done. And if I'm going to go out on a limb and accept that he can make his teeth get bigger or turn into a bat or whatever, erect penis is hardly a stretch.

Vampire strength boning aside, regular folks do manage to have sex that doesn't involve inserting the male prong into the female slot.

[–]Csusmhistory 1 point2 points ago

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I believe they are supposed to have magical erections. Don't question the science about it, just make believe!!!

[–]drmoo66 1 point2 points ago

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This is why Viagra was invented.

[–]CAPCHECK 19 points20 points ago

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Every thirty years or so it might become necessary to re-learn youth culture. Yeah. That's the reason.

[–]cryogenisis 2 points3 points ago

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You'd know it as it's changing if you're forever young and immersed in it.

[–]HyzerFlip 15 points16 points ago

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It was pretty easy to skate through high school as it was. Still blew.

[–]andbruno 5 points6 points ago

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But you could just pretend to be from another school and still hit on the same girls, and take no classes.

Spend your days sucking blood from hobos or whatever it is that sparkly vampires do, spend your evenings seducing lip-biting teens.

[–]bojang1es 56 points57 points ago

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Maybe his brain doesn't age/mature? Only plausible reason I can think of for wanting to listen to teenage girls complain about everything.

[–]RaptorJesusDesu 21 points22 points ago

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I think I just had a truthgasm

[–]imnotabus 22 points23 points ago

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To be fair.. What if you are immortal and a moron?

You could spend a lifetime doing cancer research and it wouldn't do you any good. The only thing you ever succeeded at in life is highschool, so you do it over and over and over... And then eventually you find someone else as idiotic as you, and you fall in love with them. But it could take a hundred years to find that person.....

[–]cmfrtblynmb 12 points13 points ago*

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What if you are immortal and a moron?

I am terrified with the idea, yet can't stop laughing.

[–]Unclaimed_username 34 points35 points ago

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Yea, why wouldn't he go to college and expand his knowledge? Or just sit at home all day and smoke weed.

[–]Remilla 26 points27 points ago

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He is immortal why doesn't he do something awesome? Such as creating a new martial art form, hunting werewolfs or climbing mountains.

[–]atheyNotatheist 38 points39 points ago

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Or just cheat the fuck out of the social security system

[–]Tactful 22 points23 points ago

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Become a famous actor and star in National Treasure?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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procrastination. i'll do that next century, why do it now?

[–]Mysteryman64 4 points5 points ago

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Cause that's a lot of work

[–]AstroRae 42 points43 points ago

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He started in High School as young as they could so the family could stay longer. If he started out in college, the towns perception of their age would have been higher, and hence they'd have to leave much sooner when everyone realized, 'oh god, he looks 16, wasn't that just his 28th birthday?' and same with Carlisle and Esme. I'm not a fan of the series, but that was the reasoning. Until Bella came along and was determined on becoming one of them, where she couldn't be around humans for a few years, he planned on going to college. They rotate going to medical school to learn updated practices and information.

[–]GarlicFry 25 points26 points ago

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Reasonable, logical answer

Upvote

Knows too much about Twilight

Downvote

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]DerpsMcGee 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Anaxarete 2 points3 points ago

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That series was like watching someone fit together a Tuck Everlasting and Buffy crossover fanfic.

[–]KingOfAssholes 7 points8 points ago

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Plus he wouldn't look out of place as a 7th year senior. Hell, he could spend a decade at each college without arousing suspicion.

[–]gotta_Say_It 2 points3 points ago

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Not in America! Where would he get the money for that? I have problems paying for ONE go-round, but 10!!! and no job? Those would be some massive student loans!

[–]KingOfAssholes 2 points3 points ago

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Students loans aren't due until you graduate. Just keep enrolling, never graduate.

[–]Baldish 17 points18 points ago

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I'd rather keep going to high school than having a job full time

[–]pigpill 5 points6 points ago

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Ide rather just sit at home or go hiking all the time.

[–]CowboyNinjaD 7 points8 points ago

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I'd rather raise hell and eat people, like a proper vampire. Even if you felt guilty about draining innocent people, the world is full of assholes who have it coming. And I don't mean like the cast of the Jersey Shore. Like for Thanksgiving, you and your vampire family could raid the compound of a Mexican drug cartel. Everybody wins.

[–]pigpill 1 point2 points ago

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You are awesome.

[–]Bakbakk 8 points9 points ago

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I dream about going back to high school.

But the picture doesnt make sense. Even if I would be immortal, i dont think i would be able to cure cancer, because i suck in.... Biology? Well science in general.

[–]cynognathus 41 points42 points ago

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But you'd have the time to better understand biology or another science field or any other skill.

Think of it like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. He took his repeating day and learned to speak French, play the piano, ice sculpt and a whole plethora of other skills. If you've got the time, why not use it to learn something?

[–]liquix 13 points14 points ago

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If you could spend 100 years studying you'd be a wizard.

[–]_____________1 2 points3 points ago

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If you could spend 100 years studying you'd be a wizard asian.

FTFY.

[–]cardith_lorda 3 points4 points ago

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That's debatable, memorization is one thing but being able to apply what you learned to figure something out takes a bit of natural ability.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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When you can read minds of anyone you meet, live forever, never sleep, can run faster than 200 miles, I'm pretty sure you could develop the ability to apply the knowledge to the field.

If we set aside the vampire bullshit for a second, any human (average and above) that doesn't age for 100's of years, can spend his/her time to become the expert on whatever field he/she wants. Probably won't be able to cure the cancer, but would probably be closer to it than anybody else.

[–]nuclear_cheese 1 point2 points ago

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Even if I would be immortal, i dont think i would be able to cure cancer, because i suck in.... Biology? Well science in general.

Imagine you had all the time in the world to get good at anything you wanted. ALL THE TIME. Not months, not years, ALL THE TIME.

[–]Abezilla116 1 point2 points ago

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The guy is like 149093820487320920973 years old but he falls in love with a crackhead... *facepalm

[–]ChadwickHenryWard 145 points146 points ago

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I never got that his "cover story" required him to pretend to be high school aged. Why not just pretend to be nineteen?

[–]shillbert 125 points126 points ago

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He just really likes 16/17 year olds.

[–]rednuck 69 points70 points ago

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pretend to be 21 so you can at least drink in the states.

[–]1wiseguy 38 points39 points ago

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He's a vampire. The only thing he drinks is blood.

[–]Madonkadonk 13 points14 points ago

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[–]gleefulmidget 5 points6 points ago

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No thank you.

[–]palaxi 15 points16 points ago

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Better to be 25 so that he can get a discount rate on car rentals too. Plus you can get a wider age range of chicks.

[–]TheChickenLover 3 points4 points ago

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Maybe he likes virgins.

[–]littlebitofevrything 36 points37 points ago

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They would move and be the youngest they could pretend to be so they could stay in the same area the longest. Sucks that I know this!

[–]XavierMendel 5 points6 points ago

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Or just, you know, not go to school. He's obviously not a legal citizen, so nobody could really come after him. Nobody would have any clue.

[–]ChadwickHenryWard 1 point2 points ago

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He obviously doesn't work, so he doesn't need the money. There is no reason for him to pretend to be any age, unless he actually goes to school. He's just making it harder for himself.

[–]uhbijnokm 13 points14 points ago

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Actually read the book -- They don't age, so they can spend more time in the same place if they start young. He could pretend to be 19 but then he'd have to leave sooner.

[–]im_not_a_girl 21 points22 points ago

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Nah, I'm good.

[–]Sayyan 6 points7 points ago

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Wrong tense.

[–]Thizzlebot 111 points112 points ago

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Implying he's smart enough to cure cancer.

[–]yifanlu 96 points97 points ago

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Well, according to the books, he is incredibly smart because he doesn't sleep and spend all night studying various things. He's also incredibly handsome, athletic, passionate, caring, rich, always young, etc. Hell, I'd fuck him and I'm not even gay.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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I'd fuck him and I'm not even gay.

You're probably gay.

[–]hyperinsane 2 points3 points ago

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It's not gay if you're on top. Turn a skinny guy around, and they look like a girl.

[–]yifanlu 4 points5 points ago

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You forgot the part where I said I read Twilight.

[–]cardith_lorda 35 points36 points ago

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Being able to study and memorize things doesn't make you intelligent, just knowledgeable.

[–]gojirra 19 points20 points ago

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I don't think you know how scientific research works. It's not just a bunch of guys coming up with "mind blowing" concepts and somehow "sciencing" them into existence.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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You just made up my new favorite verb. I'm going to hit the books and do some sciencing.

[–]seydar 53 points54 points ago

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You should read up on what Feynmann has to say about that. It doesn't take a whole lot of cleverness to do most of the research in the world. Some, yes, absolutely. But not all.

[–]HappyAssassin 5 points6 points ago

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Where can I look for this? I'd love to check it out.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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"Science is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" - Einstein.

[–]cardith_lorda 2 points3 points ago

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But the 1% is the difference between a cure for cancer and AIDS

[–]StabbyPants 2 points3 points ago

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if he's so awesome, what's he see in pants? I mean, she doesn't even warrant a description - more of an outline.

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points ago

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You know even though I never knew what Twilight was. Thanks to reddit I pretty much got the whole story.

[–]mataeus43 8 points9 points ago

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I wish I could go back to not knowing what Twilight was.

[–]whoami4546 5 points6 points ago

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I think the embrace of death or heavy use of drugs might be the only remedy to your problem.

[–]JLoche 197 points198 points ago

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Implying that anyone could successfully research anything given enough time.

[–]Etab 338 points339 points ago

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Clearly, you haven't seen Groundhog Day.

[–]EvilJesus 71 points72 points ago

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Normally I would downvote a duplicate, but this will have to be an exception.

[–]oddSpace 45 points46 points ago

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Clever, you posted on both for double the reward.

[–]Fluffywuffy 46 points47 points ago

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So did you...

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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Wait...

[–]oddSpace 5 points6 points ago*

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doesn't look like it.

edit: never mind, when I posted this I had negative karma on both

[–]Aviscer 2 points3 points ago

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Oh... I see what you guys did.

[–]blindmansayswat 9 points10 points ago

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It's a good thing I killed my evil identical reddit twin.

[–]idontremembermyuname 5 points6 points ago

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I wonder how much karma you could get if you just repeated this post over and over again...

[–]Etab 232 points233 points ago

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Clearly, you haven't seen Groundhog Day.

[–]EvilJesus 71 points72 points ago

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Normally I would downvote a duplicate, but this will have to be an exception.

[–]oddSpace 48 points49 points ago

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Clever, you posted on both for double the reward.

[–]Fluffywuffy 41 points42 points ago

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So did you...

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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Wait...

[–]oddSpace 7 points8 points ago*

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doesn't look like it

edit: never mind, when I posted this I had negative karma on both.

[–]Aviscer 2 points3 points ago

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Oh... I see what you guys did.

[–]blindmansayswat 7 points8 points ago

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Nope. still here.

[–]alive41stime 42 points43 points ago

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You doubled the perfect comment.

[–]HITMAN616 13 points14 points ago

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Phil?

Ned?

Punches Ned in the face

[–]david622 2 points3 points ago

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BING!

[–]idontremembermyuname 11 points12 points ago

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I wonder how much karma you could get if you just repeated this post over and over again...

[–]Salva-Toori 17 points18 points ago

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Infinite. But it just resets every morning when you wake up :(

[–]polysyllabist 48 points49 points ago

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One of the biggest problems in research is that just as your life's work is coming to fruition and you're finally able to hold all the pieces in your mind at once, you die.

[–]Wazowski 64 points65 points ago

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I've run into that problem many times.

[–]polysyllabist 16 points17 points ago

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Sigh, history has run into that problem many times

I TOOK YOUR COMMENT SERIOUSLY, WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT??

[–]KarmaKaiser 6 points7 points ago

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I read that Archimedes was seriously close to a theory of integration and differentiation before some Roman fuckwit had to disterb his circles. Imagine building on the Calculus over 2000 before Leibniz or Newton.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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And then the next generation resumes where you left off, so the knowledge and discoveries are not wasted. This is called culture, which is the reason why our society has progressed. We didn't stop perfecting telescopes when Galileo died, nor did we stop making scientific breakthroughs in physics when Isaac Newton past away.

[–]polysyllabist 13 points14 points ago

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I didn't say the knowledge goes away, I said the capacity to hold all the pieces in your head at once goes away. It takes a lifetime to really master the frontier, and right when you personally comprehend enough of the broad nuances your time begins coming to an end.

Imagine if Isaac Newton or Einstein never died. Now imagine that for every scientist that makes a major discovery in their prime, there are hundreds more whose best accomplishments come towards the end of their lives. Imagine how much more they could have contributed had they not passed on.

The point is that all else being equal, three people living three generations studying cancer would not make as much progress as one person living three generations.

[–]ContraPositive 5 points6 points ago

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FUCK YOU! Because Twilight, that's why!

[–]KarmaKaiser 1 point2 points ago

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It does take roughly 24 years for someone to get up to speed these days in a field of research though. Culture is a wasteful means of encoding information if you could just not die.

[–]Corrik 18 points19 points ago

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Well the law of probability is on their side. If something can in fact be cured, doing random things until the end of time will likely eventually lead to a cure.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Corrik 18 points19 points ago

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Hmm that is possible. You know this adds another layer to the twilight series, which brings it up to two layers.

[–]lolwut19 12 points13 points ago

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I think you're being pretty generous with that estimate.

[–]aldeezy 1 point2 points ago

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Twilight is the splinter-givin' toilet paper they use in public schools, I wouldn't even call it two-ply just yet.

[–]KingOfFlan 11 points12 points ago

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An immortal genius of Einstein level caliber would be the most valuable asset to man kind ever.

[–]db0255 16 points17 points ago

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Ke$ha is already here, man.

[–]meditonsin 12 points13 points ago

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So, we need the Emperor and make sure he doesn't end up on the Golden Throne?

[–]KingOfFlan 10 points11 points ago

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What about Slayers_Boxer?

[–]squirreltalk 1 point2 points ago

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'Course, being immortal, he/she might not feel the motivation to do shit like us puny mortals do...

[–]trigaderzad2606 52 points53 points ago

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I really hate siding with sparkly here, but he doesn't need to care about cancer when he can cure it with his mouth...

[–]Matt08642 55 points56 points ago

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I only hear about Twilight on Reddit. Congrats, you fucking morons.

[–]nilleftw 12 points13 points ago

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Same with the Kardashigans and every other thing that no one should talk about. Seriously people, just shut up about it already.

- Nickelback sucks! Narwhals and bacon! Atheism, whoo!

[–]JabbrWockey 5 points6 points ago

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You must not work with any of the female homo sapiens.

[–]reddit_feminist 4 points5 points ago

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yep. All females like Twilight.

you must not either

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]We_found_peaches 3 points4 points ago

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I don't man, it's a pretty big movie/book thing I doubt that reddit is the only place where you've heard of it.

[–]Matt08642 5 points6 points ago

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Reddit, in general, seriously talks about it more than the diehard fans I see sometimes.

[–]Konstiin 17 points18 points ago

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just from what I remember from I think the first movie, wasn't one of the vampires actually researching illness or something?

[–]WhiteHeather 32 points33 points ago

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Edward's "father" is a doctor.

Why do I know this?

[–]laddymaddonna 10 points11 points ago

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I would add that his name is Carlisle but I fear the wrath of Reddit, so I'll add this fun fact to even it out: the actor that plays the father also plays Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait (ie., the greatest movie ever made)

[–]menomenaa 4 points5 points ago

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You think knowing a character's name in Twilight will inflict the wrath of reddit on you, but then you say Can't Hardly Wait is the best movie of all time?

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points ago

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I told my girlfriend she should be more like Bella, so she fucked a dog and a dead guy.

[–]gopackgo562 6 points7 points ago

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Saw this on Facebook before I saw this in reddit... WHAT IS GOING ON???

[–]PLAAND 26 points27 points ago

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This is how I feel about the wizards in Harry Potter.

Apparently: Wacky jelly beans>Solving world hunger.

[–]lediablerouge 41 points42 points ago

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They can't duplicate food, only create satisfying illusions thereof. Hermoine points this out at some point around the third or fourth book.

Anyway, I'll be over here, doing squats or some shit.

[–]PLAAND 39 points40 points ago

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They can't conjure food from nothing. They can, rather explicitly, make more of food they already have.

Regardless, they possess a control over the natural world that presumably allows them to carve the individual electrons off an atom at a whim. They could create reaction-less propulsion, cure disease, colonize space. They could be Jedi knights and prevent war and genocide but what do they do? They lock themselves up in a Disneyland reality while the rest of humanity, not to put too fine a point on it, suffers and dies.

And Harry. Harry, who grew up in the non-magical world and must have seen and shared our hopes, our dreams and our potential, does he act as a bridge? Does he remind the Wizarding world of the billions of people who they could be helping? Does he bring a unique perspective to the table inspired by his 'normal' life, leading his friends and allies to question their disregard for muggles? No. Harry just nopes the fuck out of there as fast as possible and grows increasingly resentful of the less fortunate half of humanity every time he has to go back.

[–]swimnrow 40 points41 points ago

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And then they study muggles like rats. "Oh, how cute, they use electricity." Generated from a nuclear-motherfucking-reactor, you robed twat.

[–]appleseed1234 16 points17 points ago

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Well I think it was implied that they segregated themselves from humanity because it had a nasty habit of burning them at the stake/drowning them in rivers/hanging them so there was a bit of tension. I think they had finally decided "fuck em" a few centuries earlier.

[–]ghost_in_the_circuit 8 points9 points ago

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I never thought I'd be sitting here, typing a serious rebuttal about Harry Potter... And yet, here we are.

You have an excellent point and I found myself nodding and "Yeah, seriously, wtf!"-ing as I read your post. But considering, as the responder below alluded to, how witches/wizards were generally perceived by regular human society, I'm not sure that this would be feasible.

Think about The Chamber of Secrets and how much of a scandal it was when muggles saw the Weasleys' flying car, for example. Most of us reading would be thinking, "Cool, flying car!" But given all the secrecy statutes it violated, the wizarding world clearly thought that their discovery by the non-magic world was a serious danger to them. Most people (at least as they are portrayed in the HP books) looked at magic as something scary, dangerous, and abnormal, not as something potentially helpful. If the wizards knew they'd be hunted down and threatened, or at the very least discriminated against and hated, why would they try to bridge the gap between their world and that of the muggles? There was never any indication that there would be a large portion of muggles who would be willing to embrace them or magical influences.

[–]andrewms 2 points3 points ago

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Pretty sure they did create reactionless propulsion. How else could they play quidditch?

[–]adius 4 points5 points ago

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Technology doesn't work around high concentrations of magic though, which complicates things. And by that I mean the universe generally makes No God Damn Sense

[–]thestraylightpun 3 points4 points ago

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They can't duplicate food

Yeah, they can do exactly that.

[–]Hoobleton 1 point2 points ago

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Indeed, you can't create it but you can multiply it.

"It’s impossible to make good food out of nothing! You can Summon it if you know where it is, you can transform it, you can increase the quantity if you’ve already got some..."

[–]Baked_By_Oven 2 points3 points ago

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Why not? Can they create substances that could be turned into food? what about turning most of the greenhouse gases into less harmful gasses?
2O3 -> 3O2
2CO2 -> C2 + 2O2
Or even directly cooling the earth and turning the energy into matter?

But why can't they do things with food? what's the difference between cotton clothing and food? they both involve plant cells, typically very similar. Clothes actually have nutritional value as you can expect some glucose to stay in the dead cells.

Also high intensity farming can be done with magic. First a building made of rock. Then lighting. Then soil (unless that counts as food...) and seeds. water is and remove food. These could even be carved underground! transport can be provided by teleportation.

[–]bayen 6 points7 points ago

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[–]PLAAND 4 points5 points ago*

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Is there a tl;dr for that? I feel like spending part of my day reading Harry Potter fan fiction is stepping over a line.

Edit: I nutted up.

[–]perseus13 1 point2 points ago

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This is awesome

[–]yep45 7 points8 points ago

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God this is stupid.

[–]dudechris88 3 points4 points ago

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If people want Twilight to go away avoiding posts like this would be a great start.

But Reddit doesn't want Twilight to go away. They like bitching about it as much as middle age moms like Twilight.

[–]bangslash 4 points5 points ago

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Doctor Acula 2: This Time We Cure AIDS

[–]NineteenEightyTwo 14 points15 points ago

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A vampire tries to be as inconspicuous as possible. Announcing the cure for cancer is not good publicity. Second, why research something that doesn't benefit you and would never plague you?

[–]Corrik 32 points33 points ago

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Money, goodwill, protection? No one wants to be the guy who staked the vamp that cured cancer. Imagine living with that "Hey look, it's that asshole who killed the guy who cured cancer!"

[–]NineteenEightyTwo 11 points12 points ago

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Whatever happened to "Hey, it's that guy that sucks people's blood and kills them"?

[–]The3rdWorld 9 points10 points ago

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didn't blade invent a fake blood so he could be a vampire and a good guy? beside curing cancer would be a good cover story - using massive amounts of blood in medical research makes sense, you might even get people donating specially to the project; skim off 10% to drink and vola, healthy vampiric diet with zero murder.

[–]Corrik 3 points4 points ago

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Basically, it wasn't actually blood, it was more just something that curved his addiction to blood.

[–]NineteenEightyTwo 6 points7 points ago

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Blade didn't exactly sparkle in the sun. You're going off into a completely different vampire mythology. Speaking of which, Blade is more likely to come up with something given that he's all into science. However, since he doesn't even need humans for food, why the fuck would he care about humans and cancer if he can live without us?

[–]The3rdWorld 6 points7 points ago

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well maybe, i'm just saying if i was immortal i would work to try and cure cat-aids.

[–]Corrik 2 points3 points ago

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Well yeah sure, for any old regular vamp, but not for the vamp that cured cancer.

[–]Bhockzer 14 points15 points ago

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I'm no rocket doctor, but how is finding the cure to a major killer of your source of food not beneficial? Also, if you've been around long enough to learn how to stay hidden from your source of food, while simultaneously living amongst them, I'm pretty sure you'll have the skills needed to make it look like somebody else came up with the cure.

[–]The3rdWorld 8 points9 points ago

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the first disease eradicated by man was an illness which only affects cows.

[–]NineteenEightyTwo 3 points4 points ago

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Funny how we argue about a completely impossible scenario.

[–]sparklyteenvampire 2 points3 points ago

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Hey, back up offa me, you haters. Sometimes a guy needs to get his dick wet.

[–]FATAL_FETUS 2 points3 points ago

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Alive for hundreds of years... ...never gets laid

[–]epsilonius 2 points3 points ago

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To be fair, i'd probably do exactly the same thing. Who wouldn't want to re-live their shitty high school experience as a badass immortal vampire?

Note that i'm not saying HE is a badass vampire, but you and I would be.

[–]tmonz 2 points3 points ago

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Lets be real here, would you rather spend an eternity researching or banging high school broads?

[–]th3namelessguy 7 points8 points ago

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And you could use your free time to research cancer instead of making stupid memes that complain about fictional characters and their decisions in life.

Seriously, the only reason you have this many upvotes is because you jumped on the let-hate-twilight bandwagon. The post itself is pretty stupid, even if he devoted his time to research cancer, why would he be more successfull than all the other people who studied medicine and do research? This whole thing doesn't make any sense.

[–]S4nderr 1 point2 points ago

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Damn vampires!

[–]purplempire 1 point2 points ago

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that makes him sound so pervy.

[–]Watercolour 1 point2 points ago

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To be fair, wouldn't he be invulnerable to cancer?

[–]Antrix32 1 point2 points ago

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To be fair, his father has dedicated several hundred years to medical research.

[–]ABProsper 1 point2 points ago

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17 is not pedobear turf even if you are one hundred. His interest in Bella shows more than being immortal doesn't grant you actual good taste more than perversion.

As to the OP, bravo.

Assuming Sparkly or better Daddy Sparkles (who was a Doctor after all) wished to study the supposed 10,000 hours required to be brilliant, had to study alone and at half time, he could be a brilliant doctor in 40,000 hours study. Add another 10k for reaching peak (that clan is not exactly made of smarties) and you have 50k, insurmountable for mortal. No big deal for a Sparkly

Keeping in mind they don't sleep, they could master that much within 15 years if they were lazy, 7 years if determined.

This would mean each sparkly could have become a grandmaster at one or more crafts.

Assuming Daddy Sparkles continued with medicine, odds are he could have easily been the worlds greatest Doctor and very possibly cured a number of horrible disease, possibly including his own vampirism if he wanted to

Scumbag Sparkly indeed.

[–]brainflakes 1 point2 points ago

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Surely he'd need to keep a low profile, eg not being famous for curing cancer?

[–]waffleninja 1 point2 points ago

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That could be said of anyone. What's your excuse for not researching diseases?

[–]Herborist 1 point2 points ago

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The premise is too unrealistic to be funny. Just because he's immortal doesn't mean he's a medical genius. Not to mention that the necessarily transient nature of his lifestyle to avoid being hunted and ridiculed would have interfered with any prolonged research.