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top 200 commentsshow all 476

[–]Anomander 402 points403 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]snarkster5k 88 points89 points ago

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For the last time, anything you put on that prompter, Burgundy will read.

[–]maxjg 39 points40 points ago

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I'm Ron Burgundy?

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 122 points123 points ago

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Ron Burgundy was played by Will Ferrell

Will Ferrell was in Curious George with Clint Howard

Clint Howard was in Frost/Nixon with Kevin Bacon.

Ron Burgundy has a Bacon number of 3.

[–]plexxer 17 points18 points ago

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This is a novelty account I can get behind! Please don't stop!

[–]I_r_redditmans 11 points12 points ago

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Paul Erdős

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 16 points17 points ago

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Paul Erdös was in N Is a Number: A Portrait of Paul Erdös (1993) with Gene Patterson

Gene Patterson was in Box of Moon Light (1996) with Sam Rockwell

Sam Rockwell was in Frost/Nixon (2008) with Kevin Bacon.

Paul Erdös has a Bacon Number of 3.

[–]vertevero 2 points3 points ago

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Does that also mean that Kevin Bacon has an Erdős number of 3?

[–]mgmuscari 6 points7 points ago

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No, because the Erdős number is measured on the mathematical coauthorship graph. The Bacon number is measured on the appeared in same film graph.

[–]suckingfwag 2 points3 points ago

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This is perhaps the most specific novelty account I've seen.

Keep up the good work.

[–]fomorian 5 points6 points ago

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Keep fuckin that chicken.

[–]inthisdesert 2 points3 points ago

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Daniel Day Lewis.

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 23 points24 points ago

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Daniel Day-Lewis was in There Will Be Blood (2007) with Jim Meskimen

Jim Meskimen was in Frost/Nixon (2008) with Kevin Bacon.

Daniel Day-Lewis has a Bacon number of 2.

[–]snowycrazyking 2 points3 points ago

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Luke Wilson.

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 9 points10 points ago*

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Luke Wilson was in My Dog Skip with Kevin Bacon.

Luke Wilson has a Bacon number of 1.

[–]gnippa 3 points4 points ago

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Bernie Mac

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 5 points6 points ago

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Bernie Mac was in Soul Men (2008) with Paul T. Taylor

Paul T. Taylor was in Super (2010) with Kevin Bacon.

Bernie Mac has a Bacon Number of 2.

[–]snowycrazyking 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck. That was... disappointing.

But thank you for your service.

[–]ImAWhaleBiologist 1 point2 points ago

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Me.

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 13 points14 points ago

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You are a reddit user.

Neil deGrasse Tyson recently did an AMA on Reddit

Neil deGrasse Tyson was in "The Big Bang Theory" (2007) {The Apology Insufficiency (#4.7)} with Jim Parsons

Jim Parsons was in "Judging Amy" (1999) {You Don't Know Me (#6.12)} with John Sloan

John Sloan was in Telling Lies in America (1997) with Kevin Bacon.

You have a Bacon number of YOU CAN'T TRICK ME

[–]okeefm 2 points3 points ago

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Is this a bot? Cause that's really cool if it is.

[–]petersburgAK 3 points4 points ago

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quick. What is Kevin Bacons Bacon number. Just trying to dupe the BOT...

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 37 points38 points ago

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Kevin Bacon was In Logitech Commercial (2011) with Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Bacon has a Bacon number of 1.

[–]kiwi1986 9 points10 points ago

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Wait a second... Kevin Bacon should have a bacon number of 0... this guy's a phony!

[–]6DegreesOfKBFinder 34 points35 points ago

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kiwi1986 is a conniving little punk

Kevin Bacon is not.

Congratulations, you aren't connected to Kevin Bacon! :D

[–]kiwi1986 4 points5 points ago

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Well, when you're right, you're right (;_;)

[–]IIdsandsII 129 points130 points ago

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Finally, a relevant that is relevant, and he didn't even say relevant. Relevant.

[–]UnitedStatesGov 65 points66 points ago

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We have confirmed the relevant link is relevant. But, censored. Fuck you.

[–]KingToasty 54 points55 points ago

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This novelty account makes me uncomfortable.

[–]nazzurro 37 points38 points ago

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MOVE ALONG CITIZEN

[–]Googunk 61 points62 points ago

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PICK UP THAT CAN

[–]DivineIntervention 6 points7 points ago

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[Throws at Combine Soldier]

[–]Lucifax 24 points25 points ago

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THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!

[–]a10t2 8 points9 points ago

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What makes you think it's a novelty account?

[–]UnitedStatesGov 9 points10 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]scratchnhuff 2 points3 points ago

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Fucking a chicken is harder than you think. They won't take the roofies

[–]I_suggest_band_names 9 points10 points ago

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Relevant But Censored

[–]Anomander 1 point2 points ago

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I always think people posting just "relevant" are pretty trite.

There are so many better ways to present something related to a post than the same old formulaic delivery.

[–]thebaysix 59 points60 points ago

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I never understood this. I mean, it's hilarious, but is that actually a saying or did he just make it up? What on Earth was he thinking saying that on TV? How did he manage to ignore what he just said and keep talking? Why was it even remotely acceptable to say this to the point that he was not fired for it? So many unanswered questions...

[–]hemlockecho 72 points73 points ago

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There was an old Tyson(?) chicken campaign that was "keep plucking that chicken". Also part of the same commercial was the saying "it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken", hence the preceding statement. He probably just misspoke "plucking" to a word he says much more often.

[–]meowmeo 1 point2 points ago

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Me and my old co-worker use to say "keep fucking that chicken and hope for the golden egg" whenever someone was being a brown noser.

[–]aznzhou 23 points24 points ago

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Keep plucking that chicken?

[–]LazerPiss 7 points8 points ago

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Seems like it was a Freudian Slip. You know...like when you say one thing but fuck a chicken.

[–]cowbandit 5 points6 points ago

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What prompted him to say that?

[–]ArmoredCavalry 17 points18 points ago

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Well right before he was saying something about "takes a tough man to make a tender forecast".

I'm guessing that he was trying to make some joke about cooking chicken (tender?), and instead had a Freudian slip.

Edit: After googling it, it looks like he was trying to say "keep plucking that chicken". (yeahhhhhhh, mhm)

[–]jimitonic 16 points17 points ago

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The old slogan for the Purdue chicken company was "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken". It was a play on that, and then the anchors brain locked up when he was trying to reply.

[–]SirRealle 4 points5 points ago

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So it immediately jumped to fucking a chicken. Happens every time.

[–]cowbandit 2 points3 points ago

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Hah. Thanks for clarifying.

[–]ArmoredCavalry 2 points3 points ago

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No problem. ;)

[–]Presidank 9 points10 points ago

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i dont know why i cant stop laughing at this.

[–]MustStopMasturbating 5 points6 points ago

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[–]youfuckstookallnames 859 points860 points ago

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You can say fuck here. It's okay.

[–]shatbrix[S] 347 points348 points ago

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lol I wasn't too sure and I didn't want to risk having the post deleted. Good to know though..

[–]Practice4Me 805 points806 points ago

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Ahh, you're so innocent.

[–]KingToasty 664 points665 points ago

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I bet he still enjoys jolly ranchers.

[–]BerickCook 550 points551 points ago

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Fuck. You.

[–]Doctor_Pantalones 143 points144 points ago

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TELL ME A BEDTIME STORY MOMMY.

[–]KingToasty 127 points128 points ago

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There was once a gal in Moody Port

Who had a giant genital wart.

[–]hadioread 59 points60 points ago

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There was once a girl from Nantucket, ah fuck it.

[–]marmalade 65 points66 points ago

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There was a young man from Uppingham

Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham

Watching the stunts

Of the cunts on the punts

And the tricks of the pricks who were fucking 'em

[–]aarndt88 27 points28 points ago

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Wow, that's just fun to say out loud!

[–]wasrackart 1 point2 points ago

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pricks of the tricks

?

[–]Microfoot 1 point2 points ago

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Wasn't that a Morrissey song?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

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He thought he found a treat most fruity

With his tongue inside her booty

[–]U2PrideITNOL 22 points23 points ago

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But when he pulled it out

He gave a great shout

[–]bigbootybitches 9 points10 points ago

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WAIT I live in Port Moody O.o

[–]Kill-those-higs 6 points7 points ago

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It's a man's obligation to put his boneration in a woman's separation, to increase the population.

[–]stevesonaplane 3 points4 points ago

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Your dad enjoys pegging.

[–]subpleiades 14 points15 points ago

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Nodule.

[–]babyimreal 4 points5 points ago

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That word is also ruined for me

[–]MikoRiko 21 points22 points ago

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:| Looked up the Jolly Rancher story... I am not happy... I...

[–]xroni 11 points12 points ago

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[–]adarvan 33 points34 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]rjpiston 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Jahron 2 points3 points ago

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ಠ▄ಠ was my initial reaction.

[–]P4R4D0C5 12 points13 points ago

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You became Hitler?

[–]shatbrix[S] 83 points84 points ago

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Conspiracy Keanu: what if I knew I could say fuck...and just wrote f*** for the additional comments.

[–]PostsInceptionButton 23 points24 points ago

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[–]EddieBshp 9 points10 points ago

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I'm somewhat afraid to ask this given the reaction but.. am I missing something here?

[–]Cronization 16 points17 points ago

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Ask and ye shall receive. I don't recommend reading it, though.

[–]EddieBshp 23 points24 points ago

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I..I just didn't listen..I DIDN'T LISTEN!! WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN!?

[–]Cronization 14 points15 points ago

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Curiosity's a bitch.

[–]ariiiiigold 9 points10 points ago

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HEY, LEAVE CURIOSITY OUT OF THIS! SHE'S A REALLY NICE GIRL

[–]inferno719 2 points3 points ago

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Welcome to the internet.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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OK, EVERYBODY CHILL. That story is all bullshit, trust me, I'm a doctor.

[–]Whodini 3 points4 points ago

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DONT FUCKING DO IT MAN. YOU'LL NEVER GET THE PSYCHOSOMATIC FLAVOUR OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. OH GOD....IT'S ALL CRUNCHY AND SALTY...

[–]GLneo 1 point2 points ago

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Really? Mine tastes like my girlfriend... Oh wait..

[–]gregny2002 8 points9 points ago

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You aren't missing anything. Do yourself a favor and forget this ever happened.

[–]ExAm 8 points9 points ago

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Dude, jolly ranchers are too good to stop eating just because of one horribly disgusting story.

[–]adamdavidson 9 points10 points ago

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Is it bad that I'm not bothered by the Jolly Rancher story?

[–]lacylola 1 point2 points ago

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It's gross but it didn't bother me either. One of my friends works in an ER and my mom has been a nurse on the 'catch all' floor at our hospital since I was a kid. They tell some gross stories around the dinner table.

[–]FUCKOFF_guy 19 points20 points ago

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I bet he'd enjoy going to /r/spacedicks , it's a good beginner reddit.

[–]freeryder05 16 points17 points ago

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I just burned my computer...and my eyes...and my house...

[–]sixtyfivedays 6 points7 points ago

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In that order?!

[–]captainAwesomePants 11 points12 points ago

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He was trying to go for computer, then eyes, then monitor, but, well, he was kind of new to being blind, and he was in immense pain, so...yeah.

[–]CaptainXorro 1 point2 points ago

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[–]wontonfatty 1 point2 points ago

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/Spacedicks is akin to ravenholm. We don't go there any more.

[–]The_Thought_Police 4 points5 points ago

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vomits politely

[–]kentzler 8 points9 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]dakho 1 point2 points ago

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That story is just barely scratching the surface in all the horrors the internet has to offer. Just. Barely.

[–]this_isnt_relevant 1 point2 points ago

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[–]4realthistime 1 point2 points ago

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yes, lets fawn over the innocence of the guy advocating bestiality

[–]MrChubbikins 29 points30 points ago

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Oh my goodness, you are precious. Can we keep you?

[–]ameoba 13 points14 points ago

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Seriously - this is a website that lets you lets you use the past participle of shit as your user name.

[–]dirtyshizno 7 points8 points ago

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I always thought it was shitted, not shat. TIL.

[–]prose-before-hoes 28 points29 points ago

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Your username is shatbrix but you were hesitant to swear? ಠ_ಠ

[–]mathsive 2 points3 points ago

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says shatbrix

[–]paints_name_pretty 2 points3 points ago

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[–]MooBaloo 4 points5 points ago

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Are you planning on doing names that don't involve feces?

[–]raveseer 2 points3 points ago

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this novelty account is going places.

[–]UnitedStatesGov 60 points61 points ago

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fuck fuck fuck fuck mother mother mothefucker mother mother mothefucker fuck mothefucker mothefucker noinch noinch noinch 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 noinch noinch noinch smoking weed smoking weed doin coke drinking beers drinking beers beers beers rolling fatties smoking blunts Who smoke the blunts? We smoke the blunts! rollin blunts ah..let me get a nickle bag 15 bucks little man.. put that shit in my hand.. if the money doesn't show then you owe me owe me ow My jungle love... Owe OWe OWE I think I wanna know ya...

[–]Red_AtNight 20 points21 points ago

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You don't know The Time? That shit is the MAD NOTES!

[–]gambit61 2 points3 points ago

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Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole lives after Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a SMOOTH pimp who LOVES the pussy, and tubby here is my black man servant. WHAT?

[–]vildhjarta 1 point2 points ago

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[–]mroglolblo 28 points29 points ago*

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Favorite version of this is by Kennedy Kressler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sudJ0DXwo3E was searching for the original and came across that and thought "damn she's cute!" maybe she has a videoblog where she does a couple summer videos in a bikini I can jerk off to! Turns out she's a pornstar http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2043028643 surprises like that are like finding a 20 dollar bill in an old jacket.

Turns out she did have a video blog too where she talked about her life and makeup and whatnot, really gave you a good picture of what a kindhearted, down to earth woman she is and made watching her scenes right after that much dirtier. She started to get a bunch of meanspirited comments from trolls and jealous female vloggers and ended up shutting down her account. Thank god I downloaded all her videoblogs before that. It seems like she only did 8 or nine scenes total which sucks, but it is neat to have a complete collection of all her stuff, even the movies she did in Japan. Whenever I have all a stars scenes and photosets on my hard drive I kind of feel like I own a small piece of her soul.(In a nice unmalicious way.)

It seems like there's certain studios like BangBros and Fuckedhard18 that pay new girls well since they always seem to land new stars first scenes. Weirdly enough one of them is cumeatingcuckolds.com which is a site where a stars "husband" is supposed to watch her fuck another guy as well as blow him and lick his cum off her. So many household name stars like Lily Labeau have early scenes with them.

http://planetsuzy.org/showpost.php?p=4593356&postcount=17 (download link if you're interested) I don't find stuff like that gross, just and odd distraction from the girl. Kind of like a video where a woman taunts you with her smelly socks and you're only watching cause she's topless.

[–]8joker 5 points6 points ago

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I love you dude.

[–]SashimiX 4 points5 points ago*

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See, I'm a woman. That first porn you linked to would have been hot but that guy did a terrible job eating her out.

Also, WTF she used her teeth in that blow job.

She seems super intelligent but at the same time looks like she has an eating disorder.

But I still think she seems like a cool chick.

[–]mroglolblo 7 points8 points ago

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I won't argue with you there, she did a great acting job and the guy didn't really add much. Except for Danny Wylde, James Deen and Sean Michaels I can't think of many male pornstars with decent oral skills.

[–]mroglolblocrazyscale 6 points7 points ago

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|x---------|

[–]SashimiX 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, she seems nice.

[–]warboy 15 points16 points ago

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Am I the only one that has this guy tagged just so when I'm scrolling too fast I can't miss any of the insanity?

[–]Luonnos 8 points9 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]The_Batman_44 2 points3 points ago

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i thought red would be appropriate

http://imgur.com/nGzxx

[–]mroglolblocrazyscale 2 points3 points ago

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|---x------|

[–]mroglolblo_saver 1 point2 points ago

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Favorite version of this is by Kennedy Kressler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sudJ0DXwo3E was searching for the original and came across that and thought "damn she's cute!" maybe she has a videoblog where she does a couple summer videos in a bikini I can jerk off to! Turns out she's a pornstar http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2043028643 surprises like that are like finding a 20 dollar bill in an old jacket.

Turns out she did have a video blog too where she talked about her life and makeup and whatnot, really gave you a good picture of what a kindhearted, down to earth woman she is and made watching her scenes right after that much dirtier. She started to get a bunch of meanspirited comments from trolls and jealous female vloggers and ended up shutting down her account. Thank god I downloaded all her videoblogs before that. It seems like she only did 8 or nine scenes total which sucks, but it is neat to have a complete collection of all her stuff, even the movies she did in Japan. Whenever I have all a stars scenes and photosets on my hard drive I kind of feel like I own a small piece of her soul.(In a nice unmalicious way.)

It seems like there's certain studios like BangBros and Fuckedhard18 that pay new girls well since they always seem to land new stars first scenes. Weirdly enough one of them is cumeatingcuckolds.com which is a site where a stars "husband" is supposed to watch her fuck another guy as well as blow him and lick his cum off her. So many household name stars like Lily Labeau have early scenes with them.

http://planetsuzy.org/showpost.php?p=4593356&postcount=17 (download link if you're interested) I don't find stuff like that gross, just and odd distraction from the girl. Kind of like a video where a woman taunts you with her smelly socks and you're only watching cause she's topless.

[–]Lazook 3 points4 points ago*

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I'm kinda disappointed in your post.

EDIT: Ok, you improved it with that edit. Thumbs up.

[–]Shiroke 3 points4 points ago

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Started reading this as words, finished reading it as song.

Now, I'm going to go watch that movie again.

[–]teh-dudenator 14 points15 points ago

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What is this from?

[–]DoWhile 118 points119 points ago

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Reddit

Edit: link

[–]ZerroShadows 6 points7 points ago

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WHILE WHAT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOUR PARAMETERS!?

[–]willdabeast20 14 points15 points ago

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Clever girl.

[–]shatbrix[S] 26 points27 points ago

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National Lampoon's Dirty Movie...I wouldn't recommend watching it.

[–]Lurking_Grue 2 points3 points ago

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Fuck the fucking fuckers!

[–]central_marrow 1 point2 points ago

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How do you know it was supposed to be 'fuck'? I instinctively thought it was 'flip'. That's why the **** s are there. So you can't tell. I was fooled. If it had said 'fuck' I would have been quite offended. The **** system works.

[–]MrBlund 41 points42 points ago

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What is this from? A tv show?

[–]InnOfAsians 22 points23 points ago*

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It's from a terrible National Lampoon movie who's name escapes me. The man is named Sammy Marten; he's a comic out of Memphis, and this is his one movie credit. At the comedy club he ran, they would play this clip before every show as sort of a testament/jab at him.

EDIT: Found it; Dirty Movie. Proof at :09

[–]amortalkiller 73 points74 points ago

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[–]bholzer 5 points6 points ago

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[–]spicy_jose 1 point2 points ago

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baCOCK

[–]ChrisBamm 2 points3 points ago

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im upset now...

[–]hamispeople 26 points27 points ago

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Muak, the sound you make when you kiss a chicken

[–]thaspaam 11 points12 points ago

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Video?

[–]jell-o 47 points48 points ago

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You want video of a man fucking a chicken?

[–]shatbrix[S] 17 points18 points ago

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[–]Killvo 4 points5 points ago

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What movie is that from?

[–]MustStopMasturbating 5 points6 points ago

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Devils Rejects

[–]nothas 2 points3 points ago

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i can get you one of a guy and a horse. i think he dies at the end though

[–]Vincent133 117 points118 points ago

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This joke is as old as domestication of animals.

[–]JewboiTellem 32 points33 points ago

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BUT THEY ADDED PICTURES IT MAKES IT SO MUCH FUNNIER!

[–]MrUmbrellaPants 11 points12 points ago

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It actually does, though.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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This joke is as old as sodomization of animals. FTFY.

[–]AllegraGeller 6 points7 points ago

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that's what he said

[–]alreadytakenusername 1 point2 points ago

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.. ooh... is that how...?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Who eats chicken wings in bed?

[–]ivebeenhereallsummer 12 points13 points ago

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A pig, apparently.

[–]randysgoiter 40 points41 points ago

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what the fuck is muak

[–]balanceofpower 43 points44 points ago

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it's the onomatopoeic word for the sound of a kiss.

[–]Helmet_Icicle 29 points30 points ago

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Only if you have severe bronchitis, maybe. Or a mouthful of chameleon ejaculate.

[–]zjpeters 28 points29 points ago

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I thought of it as a "muah" but combined with a chicken's "bock" which made it a "muak."

I kiss too many chickens.

[–]gw_guy 10 points11 points ago

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uh oh, we got a midwesterner over here folks.

[–]KatyScratchPerry 4 points5 points ago

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Just because they call it a cock doesn't mean it's a chicken.

Okay I'll see myself out, goodnight.

[–]life036 4 points5 points ago

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I think it properly conveys the "smack" at the end of a kiss much better than muah.

[–]JohnnyHoliday 30 points31 points ago

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It's only fair since the pig is eating the chicks cock.

[–]dunkleheit 3 points4 points ago

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I went to a fair where the pig ate the chick's cock once.

[–]MutantSharkPirate 7 points8 points ago

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it's alright to use expletives, we're not in elementary school anymore

[–]cafezinho 2 points3 points ago

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So that's when they let kids use expletives? After elementary school?

[–]steloshow 8 points9 points ago

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source?

[–]anTY_note 2 points3 points ago

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and that's how we got Angry Birds

[–]pie-man 5 points6 points ago

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i wish i was funny

[–]JerkingOffToKarma 6 points7 points ago

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I wish I had some pie =(.

[–]dunkleheit 1 point2 points ago

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I wish I had a chicken :(

[–]Grimms 6 points7 points ago

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TIL: Muak is a really great word.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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This joke was told on the Sopranos.

[–]juca5056 9 points10 points ago

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This joke was told on the ark.

[–]Albuyeh 7 points8 points ago

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Noah's or Joan's?

[–]juca5056 3 points4 points ago

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Indy's

[–]The_Commander 1 point2 points ago

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Wow, that's a sexy chick. Shame he's married to that cop...

[–]piraterum 1 point2 points ago

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The kiss at the end is a nice touch.

[–]believeme 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Sternenplasma 1 point2 points ago

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german relevant

its from "Harald Schmidt" (Late Night show), the same joke, but with a sheep intead of a chicken. enjoy!

[–]redjimdit 1 point2 points ago

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You can say "fuck" on the Internet, I think. Unless it just shows up as ****..

[–]shillbert 2 points3 points ago

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I think his password is "uck". It censored it like it does for all passwords.

[–]redjimdit 2 points3 points ago

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Totally upvoted for the username.

[–]EliQuince 1 point2 points ago

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My dad tells this joke way better.

[–]derrelicte 1 point2 points ago

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[–]ANeilan 1 point2 points ago

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this was the subject of a "men from maine" skit on WROR

[–]cgfromtexas 1 point2 points ago

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Sheesh! De has to give another Chickeny Look of Disapproval today.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Love it!

[–]relevant__ytmnd 1 point2 points ago

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[–]InnOfAsians 1 point2 points ago*

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This is from National Lampoon's Dirty Movie. My friend and Memphis comic Sammy Marten is the man, and this is evidently his only part in the entire movie. They shot it years ago, and apparently just released it this year.

It's in the trailer at :09, but barely.

[–]Bazy0 1 point2 points ago

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I just watched an episode of the Sopranos where they told this joke.

[–]Ledatru 1 point2 points ago

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-Muak-

[–]PatchFace 1 point2 points ago

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its a classic, although i "herd" it with a sheep not a chicken

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What is this from?

[–]RonaldFuckingPaul 1 point2 points ago

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Wow. I had no idea where that was going.

EDIT: NONE!

[–]rishicourtflower 2 points3 points ago

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Still a better love story than twilight.