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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]BigSlowTarget 645 points646 points ago

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Impossible. Glorious Leader defeated dragon but dragon's fangs were poisoned so Glorious Leader swallowed the poison to prevent even a drop staining the soil of our perfect nation.

[–]Goombatron 387 points388 points ago

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impossibru.

[–]Chance1730 139 points140 points ago

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this kills the Korean.

[–]ruin 22 points23 points ago

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This Ils the Korean.

[–]DoctorPotatoe 80 points81 points ago

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I guess you could say it made him il.

[–]JonMW 202 points203 points ago

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NO NO WE ARE DONE WITH THIS PUN

[–]liontigerbearshark 58 points59 points ago

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NOT YET!

[–]unholymackerel 63 points64 points ago

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now the young un will be in charge

[–]iamironsheik 28 points29 points ago

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The UN un-"il"ed the world

[–]0rgasmo 16 points17 points ago

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Il drink to that

[–]hearshot 17 points18 points ago

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WE ARE NEVER DONE WITH PUNS THIS GOOD UNTIL OPERATIC MUSICAL MONTAGE.

[–]Erynsen 49 points50 points ago

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that's what he said.

[–]thebebster 11 points12 points ago

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YOU NEED DISCRIPRINEEEEEEEEEEEE

[–]hotshotnidaleeGG 28 points29 points ago

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YOU RACK DISCIPRINEEEEEEEEEEEE

[–]jehe 28 points29 points ago

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So Skyrim is actually North Korea?

[–]Addequate 572 points573 points ago

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When did we get dragons?

[–]pile_alcaline 1173 points1174 points ago

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I don't know, but he fucking won!

USA! USA! USA!

[–]bthoman2 878 points879 points ago

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And all you bleeding heart liberals said we spent too much money on the dragons.

[–]YourMomSaidHi 292 points293 points ago

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The war budget is too high! We need to spend that money on healthcare!

Dragons

Oh. Nevermind

[–]GnarlyNerd 135 points136 points ago

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If we have dragons, we can probably use random meats and flowers to whip up some health potions for the uninsured.

[–]guy-on-the-couch 57 points58 points ago

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More like charge people millions for the potions.

[–]blankblank 106 points107 points ago*

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That's what we get for letting them patent potions.

edit: Predatory plutocrats patent palliative potions, proletariat pain profits plundering politicians.

[–]thebillmac3 91 points92 points ago

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Predictably. Perhaps people pondering potentially purchasing potions practise prudence, perchance? Persons preaching pragmatism pressure profiteering politicians; prices plateau, plummet. Prevent politicians pillaging public purse. Phenomenal.

[–]haldean 13 points14 points ago

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You are the hero my people need.

[–]VerdammtesAutomat 16 points17 points ago

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awesome alliteration allows award. have an upvote

[–]domcolosi 25 points26 points ago

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have an upvote

allocate an appreciative arrow

[–]rgautier 26 points27 points ago*

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I remember when Everquest introduced health potions.. They were priced astronomically, like 5000 goldplatinum or some crazy amount like that

[–]ikancast 3 points4 points ago

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EverQuest is such a blur of a decade to me that I can't remember when these things happened anymore. Although, I believe you mean plat and not gold, easy mistake though.

[–]Maezren 5 points6 points ago

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Upvote for EQ.

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago*

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Had we actually developed dragons, then there would be no reason to complain. Given that we've spent +$2 trillion and we are no closer to having dragons then before, I'm rightfully upset. Do you have any idea how much $2 trillion would do in a normal market? We should have dragons by now, not retrofitted planes from the 50's.

[–]Strawcrazyman 43 points44 points ago

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I maintain that we should have give that money to NASA, who could have used it to find aliens that are functionally identical to what we consider constitutes a dragon.

[–]Lurk4r 15 points16 points ago

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Alien Dragons from Space

[–]Vyryv 5 points6 points ago

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I would watch the shit out of that movie

[–]masterdebater88 4 points5 points ago

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Starring Sylvester Stallone.

[–]YourMomSaidHi 8 points9 points ago

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We have shit that are just as jaw dropping as dragons

[–]Fenix159 44 points45 points ago

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Except they aren't dragons.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Like what?

[–]Robert_Denby 3 points4 points ago

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Must have been this .

[–]Ranilen 2 points3 points ago

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BRB voting Republican.

[–]bloodwrage 15 points16 points ago

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[–]exposito 2 points3 points ago

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fighting terrorism with terror, genius

[–]Dabakus 9 points10 points ago

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The dragon industrial complex insures that dragons are hatched in almost every state. No senator wants to take dragon jobs from his constituency.

[–]citizenme 7 points8 points ago

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Dragons are obsolete in the modern world. This is what Eisenhower warned us about.

[–]duckandcover 11 points12 points ago

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The Dragon-Industrial complex?

[–]virtualroofie 33 points34 points ago

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I read this in Colbert's voice

[–]Nurfy 5 points6 points ago

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Oh god, I laughed way too long at this.

[–]Dumpykins 1 point2 points ago

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AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

[–]JerkJenkins 118 points119 points ago

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I, for one, worked on their adamantine scales and bioengineered their capacity for fiery breath.

Very proud of my work.

[–]jennyhu 56 points57 points ago

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AMA please.

[–]Leadpipe 134 points135 points ago

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"IAMA Dragon Engineer that worked on the dragon that killed Kim Jong-Il. AMA!"

[–]laluna130 40 points41 points ago

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IAMA Dragon that killed Kim Jong-Il. AMA!

[–]SortaBeta 17 points18 points ago

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"We didnt want it to be a pussy firebreathing bitch, we wanted a FUCKING BADASS dragon. Punch the shit out of EVERYTING. Look at dat bitch. Strip him. Take his life. Rape him if you're a gay rapist."

[–]neotsunami 14 points15 points ago

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Would you say it is deisgned "burninate" everything?

[–]Ladranix 2 points3 points ago

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Like countrysides and thatched roof cottages?

[–]Corrik 42 points43 points ago

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Oh so you're the one? Do you have any idea how much sleep I lost figuring out how to adjust for the weight of the adamantine so they could still fly? Mithril, I said, we need to use Mithril, but does anyone listen to me? No, but who is it that has to engineer the proper muscle mass and honeycomb carbon fiber bones?

[–]jax9999 8 points9 points ago

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Mithral is for wimps.

[–]T-rex_with_a_gun 4 points5 points ago

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well we just created a Dragon hybrid. the four legged design was not fuel efficient. the new design has 2 hind legs and the front legs are part of the wing.

we suggest you dont ride the dragon (which is code named Wyvern ) no faster than 100mph.

instead of helium based fire, this one breaths carbon based fire. it not only destroys shit...but also cleans the environment while it does it

[–]thatthatguy 3 points4 points ago

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Helium based fire? ಠ__ಠ

[–]what_thedouche 118 points119 points ago

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[–]jimichanga 17 points18 points ago

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I laugh at the stupidest shit.

[–]Neebat 3 points4 points ago

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I agree. You do. But I laughed too.

[–]atwork597 25 points26 points ago

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When the fuck did we get ice cream?

[–]Nehle 13 points14 points ago

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It's clearly a lie! The dragon was scrapped

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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They're funding it with drug money now so they can keep it off the books.

[–]illstealurcandy 32 points33 points ago

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Surface to Air Dragons...

[–]Legendman3 12 points13 points ago

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I want some SADs!

[–]Hiveul 11 points12 points ago

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11/11/11 The epic fight has been going for over a month before Glorious Leader fell...

[–]DontPickleMeBro 17 points18 points ago

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Secret government program, very hush hush.

[–]legion02 10 points11 points ago

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Well first we took those priceless fossilized dragon eggs and put them on a funeral pyre...

[–]economaster 3 points4 points ago

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"Snow Hunter Wing"

[–]SailorDeath 43 points44 points ago

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You Kidding? Barack Obama is the Dovahkiin, FUS RO DAH bitches!

[–]hideki_BROjo 112 points113 points ago

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I ain't gonna let no Redguard be my president.

[–]cynognathus 54 points55 points ago

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Milkdrinker.

[–]emarcey 39 points40 points ago

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America is for the Nords!

[–]AriBBCP 15 points16 points ago

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CURVED.

[–]waffle_monster 16 points17 points ago

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SWORDS.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

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Skyrim jokes escaping /skyrim?

(*゚ノO゚) FLLIIIII... TAE BLAR! ハハ八八ノヽノヽノヽノ \ / \/ \┻━┻

[–]miscalculate 6 points7 points ago

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THIS LAND BELONGS TO THE NORDS!

[–]pipkin227 3 points4 points ago

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We never had dragons...

Who didn't?

The World...

[–]revolct 133 points134 points ago

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[–]brbmycatisonfire 63 points64 points ago

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Oh, We can do that now?

Cool!

[–]Anne_Frank_Dildo 41 points42 points ago

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WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

[–]alsorobots 22 points23 points ago*

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Yes, the technology is known by the code name "Nickleback".

*edit - that shows how many fucks I give about "NickELback".

[–]duckandcover 29 points30 points ago

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It's just Ambien.

[–]DoubleDown 20 points21 points ago

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Damn, CIA you scary!

[–]electric_saguaro 6 points7 points ago

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Dude, we have dragons AND wireless mind control techniques?

USA OP AS FUCK

[–]AllTattedUpJay 1 point2 points ago

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Has anyone tried calling the phone number on the banner?

[–]SCOldboy 1 point2 points ago

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Not China, the Chinese is traditional...

[–]sandgoose 60 points61 points ago

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The announcer, wearing black, said he had died of physical and mental over-work. A later report from KCNA said Mr Kim had had a heart attack.

From the info text of this video.

[–]Thatshouldwork 6 points7 points ago

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Thank you for the link to source

[–]Sniperchild 5 points6 points ago

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Click the snowflake on the youtube link - It's awesome

[–]AHamWorker 118 points119 points ago

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In related news, the US is asking for its dragon back.

[–]dog_in_the_vent 11 points12 points ago

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On it's way back to the US, a Chinese fighter intercepted it and accidentally collided with it, forcing it to land in China.

[–]erondites 12 points13 points ago

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A young Chinese boy came across it, and touching it, forged a powerful mental connection with the creature. "Climb on," the dragon said. The boy was afraid, but he climbed onto the dragons back, and as the dragon leaped into the sunset sky, the boy became aware of a powerful magic coursing through his veins. He had become a wizard.

[–]Cat_Fish 2 points3 points ago

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This new wizard landed to an area east of China. A place where only exiles had lived. The young boy-wizard, Kim Jong Il, had landed in what he considerd his "promise land".

[–]owenkahn 84 points85 points ago

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Common misconception. He didn't invent rainbows, but his birth was heralded by a double rainbow.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points ago

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So he's like a leprechaun or something?

[–]Moffee 16 points17 points ago

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he was the size of one atleast

[–]Airazz 8 points9 points ago

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He did invent the hamburgers, though. I think that's an achievement of a a similar magnitude.

[–]czhang706 42 points43 points ago

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Was the double rainbow all the way?

[–]totallytruenotfalse 13 points14 points ago

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like, omg

[–]potted 14 points15 points ago

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what would it mean?

[–]TheNecromancer 10 points11 points ago

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That Dear Reader had allived

[–]jxhn 7 points8 points ago

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So was my wedding.

We're divorced now.

[–]Ausp3x 199 points200 points ago

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His name was Trogdor, the burninator.

[–]izagig 59 points60 points ago

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Trooooogdoooorrr!

[–]gmaterna 21 points22 points ago

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Consummate V's! Consummate!

[–]dd72ddd 32 points33 points ago

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Burninating the countryside...

[–]jigielnik 22 points23 points ago

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burninating all the Peasants...

[–]dd72ddd 25 points26 points ago

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In their thatched-roof cottages!!!!!

[–]potted 9 points10 points ago

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Burninating the country side!

[–]camilo99 16 points17 points ago

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I'm going to put this right here:

Trogdor, the Pumpkinator

[–]VslachaTurbo Sloth 7 points8 points ago

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THATCHED ROOFED COTTAGES!!!!

[–]Frederic54 34 points35 points ago

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And a Canadian journalist on TV said "Kim Jong 2 is dead", because you know, Il looks like II...

[–]dREqc 17 points18 points ago

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oh please tell me there's a video of this...

[–]Cayou 8 points9 points ago

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You might be disappointed, it's in French. That journalist was demoted to a position where she won't be reading the news on air anymore.

[–]happyblanchy 5 points6 points ago

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Reminds me of a dopey bird, who went out with my mate years ago, who read out a Trivial Pursuit question as; How many wives had Henry "vill" . Yep "vill".

[–]pieguyfry22 11 points12 points ago

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I wish I had talking birds for friends.

[–]foot-long 12 points13 points ago

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English to English translation

Reminds me of a dopey [girl], who went out with my [friend] years ago, who read out a Trivial Pursuit question as; How many wives [did] Henry "vill" [have?] Yep "vill".

[–]happyblanchy 4 points5 points ago

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Jaysus! How long have they been doin subtitles on here? If I'd know that this service was available I'd have been callin people "a donkey's bollix" or "a gee bag" a long time ago.

Perhaps, if you're not too busy, you'd care to translate "donkey's bollix" or "gee bag" to the non-Hiberno-English speakers? Cheers, me auld!

[–]foot-long 3 points4 points ago

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donkey's bollocks? that's like the mat shot, a mix of whatever the bar's got. kinda funny, cuz i always thought it just meant donkey's balls.

a gee bag is a vagina, i think we'd say cunt in america to get the same effect as gee bag

[–]Gtuckerman 4 points5 points ago

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upvote for doing your little monkey trick like you were asked

[–]lineofcode 157 points158 points ago

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Please prove that this is legit, Reddit.

[–]wilkeson 74 points75 points ago

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it's not. although some of the facts put out by the north korean state media are almost just as silly:

The first time he bowled, Kim Jong-il scored a perfect 300, according to North Korean media. Similarly, in his first-ever round of golf, he had five hole-in one holes for 38-under par round.

[–][deleted] 51 points52 points ago

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North Korea is like my pathological lying ex-girlfriend.

[–]awsumsauce 15 points16 points ago

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Pathological lying ex-girlfriend is best ex-girlfriend, and you know it.

[–]Crepti 8 points9 points ago

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Only because of the 'ex' part.

[–]stupid_face01 6 points7 points ago

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Its like they take Chuck Norris jokes and apply them to Kim Jong-il

[–]zobbas 21 points22 points ago

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The golf one is true. He's in the golf hall of fame and everything

[–]jax9999 11 points12 points ago

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theres a golf hall of fame?

[–]Deestan 21 points22 points ago

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North Korea has one, evidently.

[–]jax9999 3 points4 points ago

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My god that must be the most boring place on earth.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Yes, and the thing about inventing rainbows is true to and the one where he created Earth, too.

[–]RichiH 5 points6 points ago

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Proof?

[–]Gandzilla 94 points95 points ago

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it's like the bullshit "North korean news" part during the soccer worldcup. fake fake fake fake fake.

but then again people also get their kicks out of fake iPhone screens.

[–]rockmongoose 10 points11 points ago*

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_and_funeral_of_Kim_Jong-il#.C2.A0North_Korea

Post is probably not true, but close.

edit : fixed a word.

[–]BossOfTheGame 14 points15 points ago

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Ctrl+f dragon

disappointing :(

[–]Youreahugeidiot 8 points9 points ago

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North Korea media said a fierce snowstorm paused and the sky began glowing red above sacred Mount Paektu just minutes before leader Kim Jong Il's death, and the ice on volcanic Lake Chon at the mountain in the far north cracked with a load roar.

[–]ChargerIIC 14 points15 points ago

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Totally fake, but entertaining nevertheless

[–]reddeaddread 54 points55 points ago

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but what if that actually happend...and we're being brainwashed?

[–]abnormalsyndrome 61 points62 points ago

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...directed by, KEANU REEVES

[–]Addequate 43 points44 points ago

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...Starring, KEANU REEVES

[–]RutgerB 33 points34 points ago

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....Written by, KEANU REEVES

[–]mancusod 48 points49 points ago

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...Keanu Reeved by, KEANU REEVES

[–]greendit92 22 points23 points ago

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Still better than Rob Schneider.

[–]mechabeast 10 points11 points ago

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as a carrot

[–]kooter149 2 points3 points ago

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in a heart warming tale about dragons.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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...with guest appearance by, M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

[–]rockmongoose 14 points15 points ago

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..who is actually played by, KEANU REEVES

[–]MO_MONKEY_PUSSY_4_ME 15 points16 points ago

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....And Featuring ROB SCHNEIDER as "The Stapler"

[–]Con45 11 points12 points ago

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Pretty much the American media reaction when Steve Jobs died.

[–]DontCommentMuch 2 points3 points ago

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Now THIS is true!

[–]loladin 62 points63 points ago

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you're wrong. this is only funny if it is true. source please

[–]Hyleal 13 points14 points ago

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There is no source, N. Korean media reported he died while on a train to a location outside of Pyongyang of a heart attack. No contradiction from foreign intelligence as of yet.

[–]jennyhu 27 points28 points ago

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No, it's still funny.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]crewdat 13 points14 points ago

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Anyone else read this in the Trisha Takanawa voice from family guy?

[–]Kamikasi 24 points25 points ago

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I'm confused, do you mean asian reporter Trisha Takanawa?

[–]cbfw86 10 points11 points ago

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Dovahk-Il

[–]LegosRCool 12 points13 points ago

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FUS-RO-STARVATION

[–]Blahblahblahinternet 4 points5 points ago

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That's not true.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Source? Can anyone verify this`?

[–]organicfunk 4 points5 points ago

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Proof please.

[–]bhermit 4 points5 points ago

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This is funny because it is not true.

[–]DHumefan 2 points3 points ago

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How do we know this is true? Just wondering? It's just so ridiculous that you have to ask.....

[–]alalune 2 points3 points ago

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it's not.

[–]kooter149 22 points23 points ago

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so the dragon won? USA!!!!! USA!!!!!! USA!!!!!

[–]alsorobots 4 points5 points ago

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hugs dragon

[–]saxhero93 14 points15 points ago

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gotta love North Korea.

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points ago

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Especially if you live in North Korea since failure to do so could have some unfortunate results.

[–]saxhero93 26 points27 points ago

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This is very true. North Korea best Korea!

[–]cynognathus 17 points18 points ago

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Only Korea!

[–]Spyhop 5 points6 points ago

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Holy shit! Kim Jong Il was Dovahkiin!?

[–]Ultramerican 7 points8 points ago

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Apparently not...

[–]vasodilator 8 points9 points ago

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Does Fox News have an affiliate in N. Korea?

[–]IAmTheQ 2 points3 points ago

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It's not true. And it's a repost from yesterday. Still, it's pretty funny.

[–]EnysAtSea 2 points3 points ago

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[–]blankblank 2 points3 points ago

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So apparently NK state media is run by Tim and Eric.

[–]thrawnie 2 points3 points ago

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Fucking dictators! - I loved that dragon :(

[–]MindSplatter 2 points3 points ago

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But wasn't that Putin?

[–]lappdogg 2 points3 points ago

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I could see Obama making a speech.....Ladies and Gentleman...last night the United States of America underwent a top secret mission to kill Kim-Jong Il. We sent two highly top-secret dragons to box Il...during the bout, one dragon malfunctioned and had to be destroyed. The other completed the mission successfully and returned to the nearest FOB. Thank you and God Bless America.

[–]blueberrydanish 2 points3 points ago

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this would be funny if it wasn't a repost from a couple of days ago

[–]pen_name 2 points3 points ago

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[–]flagondeep 1 point2 points ago

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Our gluttonous dragon is now ravaging their farmland and is the cause of their food shortages.

[–]wbeavis 1 point2 points ago

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We have the Last Dragon. Sho 'nuff.

[–]ithrowfruitatpeople 1 point2 points ago

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You guys are taking this whole dragon thing too far. The boxing match went well into the 7th round, and Kim Jong Il was ahead on points before the Technical Kill Out (TKO).

[–]patped7 1 point2 points ago

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kim jong il, the thane of whiterun, and the noble man who once brought peace to all of cyrodiil, is dead

[–]sarahshagal 1 point2 points ago

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This would be funny EVEN if it wasn't true... [FIXED]

[–]FellerFeller 1 point2 points ago

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This would be funny if it wasn't true...

But it's posted in r/funny, so it must not be true.

[–]ListenToNestor 1 point2 points ago

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True as in this news anchor actually said this verbatim?

[–]kthxbye_digg 1 point2 points ago

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Did Bob Ross do the background?

[–]Porjin 1 point2 points ago

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That's how I want to go out.

[–]mstksg 1 point2 points ago

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It's literally not true. Not true in the sense that what is being stated is true. Not true in the sense that this report was actually real, or that north koreans actually believe this.

[–]m1ndcr1me 1 point2 points ago

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That's just the ending of Beowulf. ಠ_ಠ

[–]darbyisadoll 1 point2 points ago

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They have Skyrim in NK?

[–]Nebz604 1 point2 points ago

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Americans just hate the N. Koreans freedom.

[–]gravion17 1 point2 points ago

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Oh come on...this is fake right?

[–]basicspat 1 point2 points ago

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still funny

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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So, did america win? And where did they find the money for a dragon? Is that what they bought instead of health care?

[–]daddydunc 1 point2 points ago

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It's stupid to think this is true.. No way to confirm it