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all 109 comments

[–]druek 161 points162 points ago

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Sounds like this guy could have saved himself $15,000.

[–]noobality 114 points115 points ago

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The third woman covered that.

[–]donpapillon 67 points68 points ago

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Unless she had small breasts.

[–]sig3rd 69 points70 points ago

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Third woman is apparently a financial genius.

Two words: Breast Implants.

[–]Paradox 49 points50 points ago

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Three words: Feel like rocks

[–]alahos 32 points33 points ago

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One more and you unlock the "Complete Sentence" achievement!

[–]killerMinnow 10 points11 points ago

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Four words: Feel like sand bags

[–]HitTheGymAndLawyerUp[!] -2 points-1 points ago

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Five words: Feels like bags of buckshot

[–]nigganigga 5 points6 points ago

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oh really? eww :(

[–]GamerBum 4 points5 points ago

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3 Words: Stabs like scissors

[–]Paradox 22 points23 points ago

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One sound: pbbbbbbbbbbbthhhhhhhhhhhhh

[–]AllowingZero 4 points5 points ago

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Sounds just like that new gizmo for his computer

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago*

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No they don't.

Edit: Look, I'm not advocating faketittery but fake tits do not feel like rocks, at all.

[–]Retro_virus 5 points6 points ago

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They just look like rocks. With scars.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Boob job scars are usually really hard to notice as the incision is made in the armpit.

[–]Retro_virus 0 points1 point ago

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Or alternatively, underneath the breast along the fold of the skin (which is a lot more obvious).

I still think boob jobs look horrendous on 99% of people. Salma Hayek being one exception.

Give me natural all the way.

[–]flawlesslylogical 1 point2 points ago

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This means speaks the truth.

[–]mccoolio 1 point2 points ago

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She used to have small breasts, but used some of her financial gain to buy some fakies.

[–]genericwit 50 points51 points ago

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I'd go with the financially savvy one, I'm shit with money.

[–]cdude 15 points16 points ago

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i'm shit without money.

[–]Crapaholic 13 points14 points ago

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I shit on my money

[–]CyDenied 3 points4 points ago

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You should give me your wallet... for safe keeping.

[–]BlackZeppelin 2 points3 points ago

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Also give me your SS Number and bank account number.

[–]Sedate23 -3 points-2 points ago

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Eye money without shit

[–]I0I0I0I 124 points125 points ago

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I would modify the punchline to read, "the one with the nicest tits."

Two reasons: not everyone likes large tits, and not all large tits are nice.

[–]red_rover 36 points37 points ago

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Upvoted because i like all the boobies

[–]feureau 16 points17 points ago

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My favorite is the blue footed. I mean. Blue feet! \o/ Isn't that crazy! Wow

[–]outwrangle 0 points1 point ago

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Did you know that there are no mammals with blue fir?

[–]Lordrandall 15 points16 points ago

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"Marry the one with the hottest mom." Your bride will be her in ~25 years.

[–]ricecows 0 points1 point ago

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This.

[–]Dromaeosauridae 3 points4 points ago

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I think you missed the point....

[–]dog_in_the_vent 16 points17 points ago

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Upvoted because huge tits can be groddy.

[–]BakulaSelleck92 1 point2 points ago

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No up or down vote because you're right, but I disagree.

[–]Paradox 16 points17 points ago

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sidevote!

[–]BakulaSelleck92 7 points8 points ago

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I like the appropriate username.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Upvoted for a man who knows his boobs.

[–]AyleiDaedra 55 points56 points ago

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This joke is so old it can vote.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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...but never even shows up to the polls.

[–]HossCo 8 points9 points ago

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This joke is so old that it was first told at the forefront of a new wave of human understanding about just how funny the world around us really was. The year was 540 BC, Cyrus had just attacked Babylonia and the people of Athens had just begun to understand that cats were the key to comedy. The rest, as they say, is history.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]elliot_t 4 points5 points ago

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Drink, you mean?

[–]diver_dan 28 points29 points ago

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While it is funny, at the same time, I am getting a bit sick with male stereotypes. I do indeed like a nice rack, but to me that's not the deciding factor in a relationship. I'm a little fed up with the assumption that I am dumb, horny, hungry, and apathetic to everything around me.

[–]lammot 5 points6 points ago

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this needs to be the top comment. fuck stereotypes.

[–]FlamboyantCuttlefish 1 point2 points ago

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While I agree with you, it seems like so many men go out of their way to embody the stereotype.

[–]diver_dan 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, obviously stereotypes have a basis, but fuck me; I don't inhale fast food, jerk off, and watch shitty action movies 24/7.

[–]CIRE43709 1 point2 points ago

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Just all at once for only an hour a day

[–]MerryMortician 1 point2 points ago

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This absolutely needs to be the top comment. I too am sick as shit of the media portraying men as dumb.

[–]Zeppelanoid 10 points11 points ago

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Directed by Ron Jeremy.

[–]EmbraceTheRage 6 points7 points ago

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Most men would disagree with me but I couldn't care less about large tits. Seriously, big tits do absolutely nothing for me.

[–]ProfessorD2 4 points5 points ago

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Clicking on an image link just to find a block of text... I feel deceived.

[–]derusion 1 point2 points ago

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But it looked so pretty! Seriously I thought it was a cool presentation, and now I understand it's an old joke... so I think the "old paper" presentation makes so much more sense. :)

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns 1 point2 points ago

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Huh. I thought for sure there would be an example involving food. But that's coming from a starving college student so maybe I'm biased.

[–]shanksawalrus 1 point2 points ago

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lol

[–]genupb 1 point2 points ago

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Woohoo! I win!

[–]Woppopotomas 1 point2 points ago

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Don't you hate it when you're in bed with three women at the same time and the least attractive one says "save it for meeee"

[–]omfgitsmarv 1 point2 points ago

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gave me a good laugh. thank you sir

[–]pgan91 4 points5 points ago

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A man is dating three women.

HA!

[–]WhyBeAre 6 points7 points ago

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Well back when this was written it was socially acceptable.

[–]derusion 1 point2 points ago

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I'd sooner believe there exists a man of steel who can fly.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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There is a man of Iron that can fly.

[–]MsMorningstar 5 points6 points ago

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Men of reddit, please indulge my curiosity. Pretend you had the chance to date one of two women who are equal in every way (body, intelligence, personality, etc) except face and breasts. The first woman has an average face and DD breast. The second woman has a gorgeous face and is a B cup. Which would you choose?

[–]abduramen 15 points16 points ago

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second. face is wayyyy more important

[–]Bulk_Vanderhuge 12 points13 points ago

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I would also choose the second, because I think the first woman would look pretty strange with only one DD breast.

[–]MsMorningstar 2 points3 points ago

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Haha. My bad. So if she wasn't a uni-boob, you would choose her?

[–]Stahrk 0 points1 point ago

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Second. You can always get implants later if you want to.

[–]MsMorningstar 1 point2 points ago

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Have you ever felt an implant?

[–]Stahrk 1 point2 points ago

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Indeed. Oddly firm, but not unpleasant. I dated a girl who had a decent job done on hers, and we both found them rather fun. Different, but not necessarily in a bad way.

What can I say, I like both natural and implants.

[–]MsMorningstar 2 points3 points ago

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I'm a bi girl, and I actually don't mind them either. A friend of mine had one A cup boob and one C cup boob, so she got surgery to make them both Cs. While they did feel different, I don't think it felt like the "rocks" some men describe. I only mind them when you put them on an extremely thin girl or they look like you cut a melon in half and slapped it on her chest.

[–]Stahrk 0 points1 point ago

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I rarely see bad ones these days. It seems that surgeons have finally gotten rather consistent with them.

[–]MsMorningstar 0 points1 point ago

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You're probably right. The only ones I ever see are in porn, and there are some truly awful ones there.

[–]0xeedfade 1 point2 points ago*

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If she wants to

FTFY

[–]Hoobleton 2 points3 points ago

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Second, without hesitation.

[–]Oddly_Awesome 0 points1 point ago

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So would I rather date a kardashian looking gal or a girl who looked like natalie portman.

Personally i'd take a cute smile over big boobs 9 out 10 times.

[–]BraveSaintStuart 3 points4 points ago

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It's all good in theory, I suppose, to marry the woman with the largest breasts, but then you have to hear her complaining all the time about her bad back.

[–]bcwalker 3 points4 points ago

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She'll be on it too often to complain.

[–]pg1989 -1 points0 points ago

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Fuck you for posting an older-than-dirt email forward. Have a goddamn original thought.

[–]derusion 1 point2 points ago

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First I heard the joke (but in fairness I never read email forwards.) Now the visual presentation makes so much more sense!

[–]pg1989 -4 points-3 points ago

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Exactly. I first heard this joke in ~2002. It's probably even older than that.

[–]yoreel 0 points1 point ago

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I would take best looking over largest no matter what.

[–]stevedaws 0 points1 point ago

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Why make it look like 200 year old hemp paper and then reference 'computer gizmos'? Couldn't get past that.

[–]JackpotDen 0 points1 point ago

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IF IT'S NOT A SELF POST

IT WILL GET ME KARMA!

[–]thespag 0 points1 point ago

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shaggy dog story.

[–]SlimThugga 0 points1 point ago

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The amount of QQ in here is astounding. Calm down ladies.

[–]hvy 0 points1 point ago

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But honestly, I would pick the third one

[–]Aristite 0 points1 point ago

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This has to be one of the oldest jokes on the interwebs.

[–]arcalumis 29 points30 points ago

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Even the paper has faded to yellow and started to fall apart.

[–]PsyNami 4 points5 points ago

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Yet it references a computer... strange

[–]Falcorsc2 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Legitimidget 2 points3 points ago

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What?

[–]bingo_bongo 0 points1 point ago

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There's a story in the bible of a master giving three slaves money three different amounts of money and leaves for a while. When he comes back he judges them based on what they did with what he gave them. Matthew 25:13-30

[–]derusion -1 points0 points ago

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Would be interesting to see a reverse gender version of this one... but it would be hard to believe the woman would pick the man with the biggest dick. Wait...it would be harder to believe three men given $5,000 a piece would spend it selflessly.

One thing for certain, it's easier to believe a woman is dating three men than a man is dating three women.

[–]EnjoiNv -1 points0 points ago

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Smart man.

[–]swagtothemax -1 points0 points ago

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Zing

[–]tehciolo -2 points-1 points ago

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seems legit

[–]Ignight7[!] -1 points0 points ago

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JOKE OLD AS FUCK.

[–]Upvotesplease -1 points0 points ago

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I'm more of an ass man. A nice ass usually has a better shelf life than big boobs, they'll start sagging after some aging. I think the ass is a better investment in the long run.